


Time Tracks

by Cyborgtamaki, thirteeninafez



Series: Through the Rift [1]
Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Season/Series 01, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Ianto, Companion Ianto Jones, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Ianto Jones & Rose Tyler Friendship, Ianto Jones-Centric, Jack being Jack, M/M, Mutual Pining, Rift (Torchwood), Slow Burn, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel, Timey-Wimey, Torchwood References, ianto gets the goddamn respect he deserves, jack is a lovesick puppy, oh god mutual pining, original episodes, this grew far bigger than we expected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 44
Words: 174,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24840772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cyborgtamaki/pseuds/Cyborgtamaki, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirteeninafez/pseuds/thirteeninafez
Summary: It took him a second to realise what had happened; what had felt like hours while travelling through the rift shrunk itself in his head to a mere instant of searing gold. That’s when the flicker of the fire in front of him finally registered through his confused daze. In his haste to get away from the flames around him, he slipped and fell, scrambling back until he was a safe distance away from the smoke and the heat. It was only then that he took notice of the voices behind him. He turned towards the noise of a deep, northern voice spluttering and saying, confused and almost angry:“Who the hell are you?”The man rolled over onto his knees and stood up, looking around like he’d never seen a street before. “Jones.” He sounded uncertain but then spoke again with more confidence. “Ianto Jones.”
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Series: Through the Rift [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1796905
Comments: 799
Kudos: 521





	1. The Unquiet Dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Meets Charles Dickens (and has No Idea)

The searing gold that Ianto associated with tears in the rift only lasted around him for an instant, but it was long enough that Ianto felt like he would never be rid of the impression of it burnt onto the back of his retinas. It was replaced by an uncomfortable blankness; there was nothing. He couldn’t even be sure if it was bright or dark. It was both and neither and nothing and everything and too much and too little. If juxtaposition could be a plane of existence then this was it and Ianto wondered if it was the realms that the victims of Flat Holm landed in that did the damage to their minds and bodies or if it was the experience of travelling through the rift like this with no direction and no protection, the experience of trying to comprehend so much nothing and so much everything at once. But barely after he’d even thought of all this he was stopped, suddenly and instantly, by the pain. 

There was a tight squeezing around his ankles, slowly moving up to his thighs. It was like he was being compressed through a drinking straw, more painful than any weevil mauling or cyberman attack. He tried to open his mouth to scream but no noise came out. Noise didn’t exist in this realm. It was like the cold vacuum of space, except burning hot and bright white and so much crushing pressure that he thought his bones would crumble to dust. All the carbon in his body would be pressed into the purest of diamonds. He was folded in and in and in until all he was was a pinprick of black amongst the brilliant searing brightness. Folded until he could slip through the weft and weave of the fabric of the universe and of time and tumble like a dust mote in the wind towards a new era and a new place. Suddenly all that white nothingness was rushing towards him at breakneck speed, a freight train ready to mow him down. Ianto couldn't move, couldn't brace himself. He wasn’t even sure if he still had a body to move. And then the nothingness was there, right in front of him and he was being pressed against it, pressed through it, crushed against a solid mass of nothing– and then he wasn't. 

He was standing up, still leaning slightly towards nothing of importance now, head still turned towards a person who was no longer there. 

It took him a second to realise what had happened; what had felt like hours while travelling through the rift shrunk itself in his head to a mere instant of searing gold. That’s when the flicker of the fire in front of him finally registered through his confused daze. In his haste to get away from the flames around him, he slipped and fell, scrambling back until he was a safe distance away from the smoke and the heat. It was only then that he took notice of the voices behind him. He turned towards the noise of a deep, northern voice spluttering and saying, confused and almost angry:

“Who the hell are you?”

The Doctor ran from the building just moments before it exploded into a blaze of flames. The explosion threw him, making him stumble and nearly tripping him as his momentum pushed him forward towards Rose and Charles. Rose grabbed his arms to stop him falling as he stopped in front of her. Then they turned, watching flames lick up through the windows and beams fall. The Doctor’s breath slowly evened out. 

“She didn’t make it.”

He shook his head, and Rose caught yet another glimpse of the weight he carried on his shoulders behind the grin. “I’m sorry. She closed the rift.”

Rose blinked back tears as Charles spoke. “At such a cost. The poor child.”

“I did try, Rose, but Gwyneth was already dead. She had been for at least five minutes.”

“What do you mean?” Rose frowned; it couldn’t have been more than five minutes ago that she was talking to the girl in the basement.

“I think she was dead from the minute she stood in that arch.” 

“But she can't have. She spoke to us. She helped us. She saved us. How could she have done that?” The Doctor couldn’t answer Rose with anything more than a weak, confused shrug.

“There are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in your philosophy. Even for you, Doctor.” Charles said simply, with all the faith of a man secure in his own, private system of beliefs. 

“She saved the world. A serving girl. No one will ever know.” She shook her head, as if disappointed by the way this event, like so many more, would be erased by the flow of time. The danger was over and so they stood vigil by the flames, paying respect to the young welsh woman who had sacrificed her life for Cardiff. 

A wave of energy pulsed out of the burning house as they watched on. A figure shimmered into view inside the doorway like a mirage, only solidifying when the pulse had passed through it and disappeared. The smoke blew away for an instant, releasing the figure from its shroud, revealing a young man dressed in a suit wildly out of this time. It was as if someone suddenly unpaused him; he lurched back and fell, scrambling out of the flames. 

“Doctor…” Rose tugged on on his sleeve. “You don't think…?”

“That it’s the Gelf? No, can’t be. The rift closed, and they couldn’t form corporeal bodies anyway.” The Doctor frowned, pulling out his sonic screwdriver. He took a few steps forward but Rose’s hand stopped him from running straight up to the man like he usually would do. He huffed, but rather than shrugging her off, he just waved his screwdriver in the man’s direction. “No he’s definitely not Gelf… but he is from the rift… no… is that… that can't be right…” The Doctor kept on muttering, slowly getting more indignant as he tried to figure out the puzzle the readings were presenting him with. 

“Well, Doctor? Who is he?” Rose asked tentatively.

“I don’t know.” The Doctor spluttered, marching over to the man with a frown. “Who the hell are you?”

The man rolled over onto his knees and stood up, looking around like he’d never seen a street before. “Jones.” He sounded uncertain but then spoke again with more confidence. “Ianto Jones.”

“Oooh very James Bond.” Rose said with a grin as she popped up over the Doctor’s shoulder.

“You’re not from round here are you, Jones Ianto Jones?” The Doctor raised his eyebrow.

“No…” He was still looking around half in a daze. “I’m from Cardiff.”

“If he’s from Cardiff then I don’t see what the issue is here, Doctor.” Charles said.

“I think the issue isn’t what city but what year, Charlie boy.” The Doctor grinned as he solved the puzzle. “When are you from?”

“2007… I’m guessing this isn’t 2007?”

“More like 1869.” Rose clarified for him.

The Doctor grinned. “December, you’re just in time for Christmas actually.”

Ianto’s mind was working a mile a minute as the Doctor led the small group through the snowy streets of Cardiff. He had a dizzying sense of deja vu that only relented slightly when he managed to orient himself and compare where he should be in modern Cardiff. He’d barely moved, coordinate wise, but he imagined it would be easier to be thrust into the complete unknown of an alien planet rather than looking at a pub and know that in a century it would become Jack’s favourite Chinese takeout, or that one night long in the future he'd run into a very drunk Owen in that alleyway. 

His companions hadn’t even introduced themselves to him, but they seemed to know what they were doing, and when stranded in a strange time (more than a hundred years before his birth) he didn’t have much choice but to follow. 

In the end, he didn’t need any introductions to know exactly who his new companions were. They turned the corner of the street and there it was, shining in all it’s police box blue glory. The TARDIS. The other’s conversation faded into background noise as he stared at the Tardis. That was the Tardis. In the flesh, not a drawing or a sketch or even a blurry photo buried at the bottom of a file in the archives. It was right there in front of him. Which meant… 

His suspicion was immediately confirmed by Charles.

“All these huge and wonderful notions, Doctor. I'm inspired. I must write about them.”

“Do you think that's wise?”

“I shall be subtle at first.” Charles nodded decisively. “The Mystery of Edwin Drood still lacks an ending. Perhaps the killer was not the boy's uncle. Perhaps he was not of this Earth. The Mystery of Edwin Drood and the Blue Elementals. I can spread the word, tell the truth.”

“Good luck with it. Nice to meet you. Fantastic.”

“Bye, then, and thanks.” Rose took his proffered hand to shake, before leaning up and kissing him sweetly on the cheek.

The writer flushed. “Oh, my dear. How modern. Thank you, but, I don't understand. In what way is this goodbye? Where are you going?"

“You'll see. In the shed.” The Doctor opened the door with a cheeky grin.

“Upon my soul, Doctor, it's one riddle after another with you. But after all these revelations, there's one mystery you still haven't explained. Answer me this. Who are you?”

“Just a friend passing through.”

“But you have such knowledge of future times. I don't wish to impose on you, but I must ask you. My books. Doctor, do they last?”

The Doctor’s grin grew impossibly wider and Ianto realised that this must be Charles Dickens. “Oh, yes!”

“For how long?”

“Forever,” He clapped Charles on the shoulder. “Right. Shed. Come on, Rose, Ianto.” He ushered them both in through the deceptively small entrance.

“In the box? All of you?” Ianto could hear Charles’ voice and the Doctor’s cheeky response but he was too busy looking at the sheer  _ alien-ness _ of the large space around him. 

“Pretty cool isn’t it?” Rose grinned, leaning against the console. She was careful not to knock any of the dials around. 

Ianto turned round slowly with a nod. He could see the resemblance between here and the Hub in the exposed grating and wires hanging from odd places. Oddly, he felt more comfortable here than he did out on the streets of Cardiff.

The Doctor stood with his back to the wall, arms crossed and looking very pleased with himself. “So…” He was obviously pushing for a response from Ianto, probably a very common one.

“I like the decor. Very… industrial chic.”

The Doctor scowled. “The decor? All you’re going to comment on is the  _ decor _ ?” 

Ianto looked around and shrugged as if there was nothing else more interesting to comment on. He hid his smile as he saw how it wound up the Doctor. He could hear Rose giggling behind him.

The Doctor’s scowl deepened as he marched over to the console. “Right. Let's get you back to where you came from.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a prompt for a one-shot and spiralled out of control into a fic that is 80k long and not even half written. Pls don't hurt the fic it's our quarantine baby. Comments and kudos will be much appreciated! Check us out on tumblr under cyborgtamaki/garknessandbones and thirteeninafez :)  
> Updates will be on Sundays and Wednesdays :)


	2. Leaving on a Bad Note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Doesn't Have a Good Day

“ATMOS. What do we know about it?” Jack Harkness asked, looking down the table at his team.

The slow start to the morning that the employees of Torchwood Three had been enjoying had been broken all of a sudden- not by the usual distraction of the rift, but instead by a singular phone call. Surprised, Gwen had picked up her mobile to hear her old colleague PC Andy Davidson ranting to her, telling her about a major incident which had swept throughout the city and how it had seemed ‘right up Torchwood’s alley’. After listening to and passing the details onto her boss, a quick team meeting had been assembled to discuss the case.

“Only thing I heard about it was from Rhys,” Gwen said, ignoring the soft groan that Owen gave at the mention of her partner. “It’s a kind of GPS and carbon emission device which he was going to trial at his work.”

Jack looked sharply at her. “Did he set it up yet?” He asked, and Gwen shook her head.

“Not yet, thank God. Andy said at least fifty incidents have been reported across the city with links to the technology.” She added, letting out a shaky breath. From behind her, Ianto walked into the room holding a tray of coffee.

“ATMOS- Atmospheric Omission System, founded in London with seventeen facilities spread across the world. Hundreds of millions of cars have the GPS filter technology installed, including the majority of cars across the UK.” Ianto supplied, placing a coffee mug down in front of every person in the room one by one as he spoke.

“How do you know so much about it, tea boy?” Owen asked him.

Ianto shrugged in response. “UNIT called a few weeks back asking if we were using it. They fitted all of their vehicles with it.”

“UNIT?” Jack replied, quirking an eyebrow up at the name. “Why didn’t I hear about this?”

“You were out weevil hunting at the time,” Ianto explained. “Besides, I did add it to the daily report which I left on your desk that evening.”

A guilty look flashed across the Captain’s face. “Ah. Well, that’s beside the point.”

“Do you reckon it’s worth calling them?” Tosh suggested. “This isn’t linked to the rift; it’s been quiet all morning. UNIT might know something.”

Jack thought for a second, then nodded slowly. “It wouldn’t harm to ask them if their vehicles are acting up too. Seeing as they asked us about it before.”

“Do you want me to phone them?” Ianto asked, cocking his head slightly.

“No, I’ll do that. You four should research into ATMOS and see if this is happening across the country- or the world.”

Having received their instructions, the group stood up and moved out of the meeting room, the Captain heading off to his office whilst the others moved towards their workspace.

It took less than 15 minutes to figure out that the incident wasn’t limited to only Cardiff. It wasn’t solely in Wales- it wasn’t _even_ contained to the UK, but was happening across the entire world. Tosh ran her fingers through her hair as she pulled up news article after news article, all of which were documenting similar incidents to do with ATMOS vehicles.

“I’ll go inform Jack.” Ianto offered, leaving his desk and making his way towards his boss’s office, making a mental note to himself to put on another pot of coffee as he suspected they would be in the Hub for long into the evening. He sighed quietly as he thought about the plans he and Jack had had for the evening- nothing special, just a meal at his home and a film to watch afterwards (something easy to watch, as past experience proved that the act of watching a film was often neglected for _other_ activities when Jack was present.) It would have to be postponed until this business with the ATMOS was over, he supposed as he reached the top of the stairs which led to Jack’s office.

“-you have it covered?” He overheard Jack ask. Ianto found his hopes rising again- perhaps, if UNIT were taking control of the situation, Torchwood Three didn’t even have to get involved at all. His hopes were immediately vanquished when he heard the next two words out of Jack’s mouth.

“The Doctor?” His boss asked, his voice audibly breathless and shaky even from outside the door where Ianto was hearing it from. The Welshman felt the fist he had raised to knock on the door shake as Jack slammed the phone down back on his desk, effectively ending the call. Before he could make his presence known the door was being opened from the inside and Jack was striding purposefully out of his office, barely glancing at Ianto as he passed him. 

Keeping pace with him, Ianto walked back into the Hub’s main area. Again, not pausing for a second, Jack kept walking quickly towards the exit, speaking quickly as he moved. “I’m heading down to UNIT to help with the situation.”

“To London?” Gwen asked, sounding a mix between outraged and confused. “Just you? You don’t want any of us to come too?”

“No,” Jack answered, opening the door which led to the tourist office. “I’ll be gone a while- you guys should stay here to keep an eye on the rift.”

With that, he walked through the doorway and the others watched as it closed behind him. Shaking his head, Ianto raced up the stairs to follow him, determined that he wouldn’t let him leave like this for the second time. Hearing the words ‘the Doctor’ did not bode well for the likelihood of Jack’s return- despite the fact that he had promised Ianto on multiple occasions that he wouldn’t leave them again. Leave _him_ again.

“Oi!” He shouted, letting a tiny bit of his anger bleed out into his words as he saw Jack open the door to the Torchwood SUV outside the Hub. “So this is it, then? You hear the name ‘The Doctor’ and you’re off again?”

Jack looked up like a deer caught in headlights. "It's not like that."

"That's what it looks like to me." Ianto replied, hands in his pocket as he refused to meet Jack's eyes. He didn't want to see the guilty yet decisive look he knew would be in the blue eyes.

"I'll come back. I always do," He said, resigned. "I need to go, Ianto."

He made to move for the car, but was surprised to be stopped by a shout from his- partner? Friend? Co-worker?

"No, Jack!" Ianto shouted. "You don't get to do this to us! You promised last time that you wouldn't leave us again."

Jack set his face, feeling the anger inside him rise too. "Well, I didn't exactly expect the world to be in danger this time round."

"Don't pretend the fate of the world has anything to do with this!" Ianto scoffed, his eyes rolling. "It's about _him._ It's always about him! How long will it be this time? Three months? A year? Will you even bother coming back?"

Anger flared through Jack. "You couldn't understand what it's like."

"You never let us understand, Jack!" Ianto shouted. "Because you never tell us anything- you just wallow in your own misery, adamant that nobody could understand your pain- when you have people here who _care_ for you and would support you if you just _talked_ to us!"

Jack physically flinched back at Ianto's words, feeling the anger and frustration in his voice. Everything he had said hit scarily close to home, and yet Jack refused to acknowledge anything he heard. There wasn't time to talk about any of this- the Doctor could be saving the world and moving on as they argued.

"I'm not having this conversation now." He stated, moving to get into the car for a third time.

"Fine. I guess we'll have to speak when- _if_ you return."

Jack steeled himself and tried to stay calm. "I will be back, Ianto. I promise."

"I know where I stand, Jack," he said, holding his hands up in submission. "You'll always put him before us, and that's fine. I'll see you when I see you."

Without another word Ianto turned and walked away, silently fuming. Jack watched him walk back into the Hub before he got into the car, slamming the door shut and turning the engine on angrily. There was no time to think about Ianto; he had to focus on getting to London and finding the Doctor again.

The evening brought with it a welcome distraction for Ianto- as welcome as an eight foot alien with crab claws for arms could be. The team had noticed a large energy spike in the rift earlier on, and Gwen and Owen had gone to investigate whilst Ianto and Tosh had stayed behind to provide support. Tosh had lost Ianto with her mumbling about rift instability and quantum entanglement between particles found at the incident site, and instead Ianto had kept up communications with the other two while they worked.

They had found the creature hiding in a dark alleyway, head stuck in a dustbin (which Owen had laughed at for a second until he realised that he had drawn attention to himself, and the beast was then howling directly at them.) Thankfully the reduced visuals the metal bin provided it with greatly helped the two field agents while they tried to subdue it. After Owen had distracted it from the front, Gwen had managed to get around the back and jab it with their strongest tranquilizer, and together they had brought it back to the Hub.

“I still don’t see why we had to use _my_ car,” Owen moaned as he once again complained out loud about the mess that the beast had left in his vehicle.

“Jack took the SUV, and my car was too small, I’ve already told you,” Gwen replied hotly back, looking forward to being able to go home and get to sleep. It was already far past the time they usually left the Hub, and she was getting tetchy.

“Good work, you two.” Tosh said, looking away from her computer monitor to the beast. “I have a feeling that when that thing wakes up, it’s gonna go straight for-”

She was cut off when the creature in question did just as she had said- woke up. It took one second to look around, having lost the bin when trying to force it to fit in Owen’s car, and only one further second for the four Torchwood employees to have their guns pointed at it. Before any shots could be fired, the tall alien fixed its eyes on the rift and dived straight at it, the air around it crackling as it gave a roar and disappeared in front of the humans surrounding it.

“That’s exactly what I was going to say it would do,” Tosh spoke, breaking the silence that had fallen in the Hub. “Its particles were entangled with others from wherever it had come from, and the rift was the only link between them. It must have taken it back.”

“Problem solved then, yeah?” Owen asked.

Tosh smiled at him. “I think so.”

“What was that thing? We’ve never seen anything like that before, the closest was the crab-like one Jack found, but that had-”

Ianto managed to tune the others out as he wandered over to the rift monitor next to the space where the creature had disappeared. Something wasn’t right, his intuition told him as he looked at the spikes on the graph. They were far too volatile for normal background rift energy.

“Tosh, I think the rift is still active.” He frowned, leaning closer to the rift itself to get a look at it. He saw Tosh look over in his direction only a moment before two things happened simultaneously.

The first was Tosh shouting his name, loud and panicked. Everybody turned to look at her, Ianto himself included. The second was the rift. It cracked noisily, and latched onto the closest thing in its vicinity.

Which just so happened to be Ianto Jones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments, kudos and support on the first chapter! Keep them coming!  
> Throughout this fic, we are taking turns to individually write episodes, this one by Remi. The last one and the next are written by Lauren!  
> Tumblrs: @thirteeninafez @cyborgtamaki @garknessandbones
> 
> If anybody is wondering what happened to the bin, Owen takes it back to the Hub and sticks a "Ianto 2.0" sticker on it (along with a Torchwood logo). Jack was not happy. Be on the look out for a sub-plot fic written by Lauren about the bin's life at Torchwood...


	3. Ianto Through the Looking Rift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Once Again, Ianto is Salty

Ianto’s first impression of the infamous doctor was ears. His second was that he didn’t understand why Jack was so infatuated. He was grumpy, brash, and couldn’t even fly his own damn spaceship.

“Here you go, Cardiff, 2009. Home.” The Doctor was obviously starting to lose patience both with Ianto, this random man who appeared from through the rift and seemed to know far too much about him and his ship, and said temperamental ship herself. This was their third attempt at ‘home’, as the first had sent them to India circa 1734, and the second to the planet Poosh. They had only left that destination after a  _ rivetingly _ long winded explanation of the Doctor’s plan to retire there, if he didn’t retire to Paris instead. 

It was suffice to say, Ianto was becoming irritated as well. 

He knew, well he hoped, that the team back in Cardiff would be worried and he didn’t want them to try anything dangerous to get him back, like they did with Jack and Tosh. They didn’t need Abbadon rising from the Void again. 

Really, with the ability to go anywhere in time and space, the Doctor should’ve been able to get to Cardiff. He’d managed it easily enough when Jack had run off with him. 

The Doctor flipped the brakes and the wheezing of the materialising engines stopped. “Just in time for tea.” 

“Third time lucky.” Rose smiled at Ianto as he stalked towards the doors and opened them. What was outside took his breath away.

Towers of dust rose up out of space, billowing in shades of gold and blue. They swirled like synapses firing in the brain, or the colourful muscles of the iris, contracting to let the beauty in; much like in Ianto’s own eyes. Stars glistened in the distance, one second obscured by the web of colours that stretched across the inky void, the next as brilliant as flashlight beams. A kaleidoscope of colours filled his vision and consumed him. The nagging voice at the back of his brain told him he was standing on the edge of space. He should’ve frozen to death or exploded due to the pressure imbalance but the voice was silenced by the sheer awe inspired by the view. Ianto was snapped from his trance by Rose’s soft gasp. “I don’t think this is Cardiff, Doctor.”

“Are you  _ sure _ this isn’t where you’re from?”

Ianto spluttered. “I’m not from a supernova! I’m human! Welsh! From Cardiff, Earth!”

“The Tardis doesn’t seem to think so.” The Doctor muttered. He crossed his arms. “Well, anyway, this is as close as I can get you. You’ll have to get a taxi.”

“A taxi? We're in the middle of space!”

“Easy. Space taxi.”

“Last I checked,  _ you _ were my space taxi.”

“The Tardis is  _ not _ a  _ taxi _ !” 

Ianto watched from the jumpseat as the Doctor ran around the console, muttering under his breath about how he wasn’t a glorified taxi driver, taxi drivers got paid, and even if Ianto did pay him, what's the use of pounds when you go all over space, and then a lot of techno jargon that Ianto immediately filtered out. It looked as though he didn’t have enough hands for all the buttons and levers to push. Maybe he didn’t. There wasn’t much on the Doctor and the Tardis in the Torchwood archives, but it did mention that he was proud of his ‘stolen’ ship. It was possible that the controls were designed for someone not humanoid, Ianto realised. 

The Tardis shuddered in flight. It was a wonder that the Doctor could get them anywhere, let alone somewhere specific. 

Rose sat down next to him, practically falling into the seat as the ship jolted again. “ ‘Just time turbulence’, he always says. ‘Nothing to worry about,’ ” She grinned, “As long as you’re holding on. The amount of times I've fallen over in this ship, and I’ve only been travelling with him a few days!”

Ianto frowned. “Really? But the two of you seem so…” 

She shrugged. “Guess near death experiences make for good bonding.” Ianto snorted. He knew that feeling. “And I trust him. With my life.” 

Ianto couldn’t help but think of Jack when she said that. Where was Jack? Had he found the Doctor in London? Ianto guessed he could be with a past version of him, or a future one. Was Jack missing him? He doubted it. All he’d wanted to do last time they’d spoken was get away from him. Ianto wondered if Jack would even care if he came back and found Ianto missing. He was sure he would, in a professional sense; he’d miss the coffee, the way paperwork magically did itself, the sex. But Ianto couldn’t be sure if Jack would really miss  _ him _ . 

“... Earth to Ianto?” Rose’s voice filtered in through his thoughts.

Ianto looked up with a jolt. “Sorry?”

Rose smiled at him. “Thinking about home?”

Ianto nodded slightly. “You could say that.” 

“So who are you? When you’re back in Cardiff?” Ianto thought about her question for a minute. “It’s just, you didn’t seem all that put out by suddenly appearing in 1869.” 

“I work at Torchwood Three,” He automatically switched into a professional mode as if he was debriefing Jack after an alert. “We were monitoring a rift flare as a crustacean like alien had just fallen through, and then been pulled back through the rift. I was investigating some unusual flares in radiation when the rift opened up again, and I fell through. It was lucky I ended up still on Earth, let alone Cardiff.” He shuddered as he thought about all the patients in Flat Holm who hadn’t been so lucky.

The Doctor, who had stabilised the Tardis in the time vortex by now, leant against the console. “Torchwood? Rift flares?”

Ianto frowned. Shouldn’t the Doctor know about Torchwood, if he’s friends with Jack? Unless Jack decided to keep it a secret for some reason. If that was the case, he’d probably kill Ianto for saying anything. But even if the Doctor didn’t know about Torchwood, surely he knew about the rift. “There’s a rift-”

“Yes, yes, we know about the rift. But we just closed it. All that should be let through is trace amounts of energy. So what do you mean, rift flares?” 

“It… leaks.” Ianto frowned, wondering if that was quite the right word. Tosh would’ve been able to explain it; he was sure she was the only person who could match the Doctor’s scientific babbling. “Sometimes it opens up wormholes and things come through to Cardiff. Except in my case, it went the other way. At Torchwood, we monitor the radiation coming from it. My colleague, she created a device to predict and identify the flares so we can deal with anything that may come through.” He shrugged. “It’s a busy job, and my boss, Jack Harkness,” he looked at the Doctor to see if he had any reaction to the name. He didn’t. “Isn’t half a deal, but we get by. Set me up pretty well to cope, if I happened to be thrown through time and then kidnapped by an alien and his companion with a physics defying spaceship.”

“So you deal with aliens all the time then? On Earth?” Rose looked astounded.

“Well, I’m mainly just the tea boy. Make the coffee, clean up after everyone, organise the paperwork, get rid of dead bodies, run an entire medical facility for victims of the rift, and muck out the pterodactyl.” He cleared his throat, pulling back up his professional manner. “I only really became a field agent about a year ago.” 

“You have a pet pterodactyl?” Rose asked excitedly. Meanwhile, the Doctor crossed his arms and scowled.

“Technically, Myfawny is a pteranodon.” Ianto shifted and fell silent under the Doctor’s glare. 

“So Torchwood was created to clean up after the rift?” The Doctor looked very suspicious at the idea of an organisation dealing with aliens, especially one he didn’t know about. 

“Technically it was founded by Queen Victoria in 1879 to defend against enemy number one. You, the Doctor. But we’ve long moved on from that.” He added quickly. 

Rose snorted. “You must’ve really managed to piss her off.”

“Royally so.” Ianto’s smirk was barely visible as he shared an amused look with Rose. 

“But I haven’t!” The Doctor threw his arms up dramatically. “Well not yet anyway… hmm, don’t know if I’m looking forward to that one or not.” The Doctor pootled around the console. 

Ianto kept his expression closed off, even as his mind was whirring a mile a minute. The Doctor hadn’t even blinked at Jack’s mention, and didn’t know about Torchwood. Hell, he hadn’t even caused it’s creation yet. He must not have met Jack. That made sense. He was a time traveller; of course he’d meet people out of sync every once in a while, probably all the time. But if this was an earlier version of the Doctor, then Ianto had to be careful about what he said. Not that he knew much about the Doctor, or Jack’s time with him, but he still didn’t want to cause some sort of paradox by messing with timelines. 

He was pulled from his panicked train of thought by the Doctor’s northern accent. 

“Well, the Tardis isn’t going to take us back to Cardiff anytime soon. How about a pit stop? You can tell us some more about this Torchwood.” He pulled a lever and the ship lurched back into action. 

Ianto’s eyes were looking everywhere but where he was going as he walked down the alien street with Rose and the Doctor. The sky above them was covered by a vivid, acid green dome with hot pink, gelatinous blobs rolling across it. ‘Tumblejelly’ as the Doctor had explained, this planet’s tumbleweed. Most of the skyline of the city around them was blocked by the market huts they were surrounded by. The colours and sounds assaulted Ianto’s senses, he could only pick out broken fragments of sentences before the Doctor pulled them along again. Judging by the hand wrapped around Rose’s arm, as well as the one around Ianto’s, the girl was just as in awe as he was. 

“How come they’re all speaking Welsh?” Ianto asked after a particularly eager salesman tried to get him to try candied spoksenshaw, whatever that was.

“The Tardis is slightly telepathic, it’s translation circuits turn everything into Engli- hold on did you say they’re speaking Welsh?” 

Ianto nodded.

“Huh, she hasn’t done that before.” The Doctor stopped outside a tiny door hidden between stalls and clapped his hands. “Here we are, best cafe in the universe, at least in my opinion.” Before he could ramble on about the pros and cons of various cafes and chains, not to mention variations in cuisine depending on species, he was stopped by a shrill scream for help.

Down the road, a humanoid alien was holding a child to his chest, a blaster against the young girl’s head. Her bright blue skin was ashy with fear. Ianto immediately recognised the alien man as a blowfish and cursed under his breath.

“Stay back! Stay back or I shoot!” The blowfish had a sack slung over his shoulder and was backing rather obviously towards the ship behind him. Before the Doctor could even react, let alone try to stop him, Ianto slipped into the panicking crowd and made his way carefully to the stall directly next to the ship. The blowfish disappeared from view as Ianto moved behind and around the stall. He used his ears to keep monitoring the situation. The blowfish continued to shout at the crowd to stay back, then there was a barely audible beep before the unmistakable noise of an airlock releasing. Metal creaked and Ianto assumed it was the sound of the spacecraft’s door opening. He peeked around the edge of the stall. 

Rose was standing in front of the blowfish, hands out and trying to reason, while the Doctor was behind her, fiddling with some cylindrical device that he kept pointing at the door. Bloody lot of use that would be. At least Rose’s pleading was keeping the blowfish distracted with his back to Ianto. He stuck to the shadows along the side of the spacecraft as he snuck up behind the blowfish. His stun gun was still in his pocket from the rift alert earlier that day and he slipped it out, adjusting the setting so it would only knock out the blowfish. 

Rose’s eyes flickered over the blowfish’s shoulder when she spotted Ianto, who cursed under his breath. The blowfish noticed immediately and spun to apprehend him but Ianto was too quick. He jabbed the stun gun into his side, releasing a shock that sent the blowfish collapsing to the ground unconscious. The girl ran back to her mother who pulled her close in a hug. 

Ianto didn’t have time to reply to the mother's words of gratitude however, as the Doctor grabbed him roughly by the arm. “You didn’t have to kill him. I had it under control.” He growled.

Ianto looked up and willed himself not to flinch under the Doctor’s steely blue glare. “Your version of ‘under control’ would’ve had the blowfish run off with whatever contraband is in that sack.” The Doctor opened his mouth to yell at him some more but Ianto soldiered on. “And I didn’t kill him.” Ianto kicked the blowfish in the leg and he shifted and groaned. “Stun gun.” He waved it in the Doctor’s face. 

The Doctor didn’t even have the decency to look sheepish, just turned on his heel and strode back to the Tardis, not waiting for Rose or Ianto to follow.

After leaving the rogue blowfish to be dealt with by the proper authorities, Rose and Ianto had returned to the Tardis to find the Doctor under the console (performing ‘percussive maintenance’, Rose had explained). She had then shown Ianto the galley, and in return Ianto had shown her his impressive coffee making skills. They had settled into a companionable silence as they drank, hands curled around the warm mugs.

“How about you join us?” The Doctor suddenly spoke from the doorway.

Ianto nearly choked on his coffee. “What?”

“You’re a quick thinker, Jones, Ianto Jones,”

“Oh so now you call it quick thinking.” Ianto muttered but the Doctor continued cheerfully on, either not hearing or not caring. Ianto suspected it was the latter, as the Doctor had completely neglected to apologise for his earlier anger as well. He pulled over a chair that had appeared from nowhere (Ianto could’ve sworn there had only been two before) and sat at the now rather cramped table.

“And the Tardis seems to want you here-”

Rose interrupted him, completely on board with the idea, “So unless you want to get a taxi from a supernova, you're stuck with us.” She grinned. “Anywhere in time and space. Except Cardiff apparently. How can you resist?”

Ianto understood now. He understood why Jack ran to the Doctor. The adventures, the things he sees, the life he leads; Ianto always thought it was just like Torchwood, but in space. Really how much better can it be? It was so much better (even if the Doctor’s mood swings could rival Jack’s). Ianto was hooked. Like a junkie. He’d always had a bit too addictive a personality for him to be completely comfortable and this, travelling with the Doctor and Rose in the Tardis, was the ultimate drug. Why should he go home so soon? Jack hadn’t. He’d stuck around for a whole year before coming back, and would have let Ianto believe it was only three months (or less, as ‘only one trip’ insinuated) if he hadn’t slipped up. The scars from Jack’s disappearance hadn’t fully healed, and their argument had only ripped them open again. Ianto couldn’t help but resent the Doctor slightly for taking him away. But this Doctor, he didn’t even know Jack. He wasn’t Jack’s heroic, larger than life deity. He wasn’t Jack’s doctor– but he could be Ianto’s.

A smile spread across Ianto’s face. “Where to first?”

_ Cardiff, 2009 _

Jack huffed as he sped past two cars going at the national speed limit on a motorway, pressing his foot into the accelerator as he raced back. His day had gone from hopeful at the thought of finding the Doctor again to disappointed, as he had reached the UNIT base to find them in the process of regrouping and sorting out the mess the incident had left. The Doctor had already passed on from Earth, he had been told, and much to his embarrassment he had been further instructed by the head of UNIT to go home, as there was no need for him there.

Despite feeling sheepish and downhearted to have failed, a small part of him was grateful for the excuse to go home. His mind kept wandering back to the last conversation he had had with Ianto, and the hours spent driving alone had given him more than enough time to think about what had happened. He regretted the way his anger and stubbornness had escalated, and before leaving for Cardiff again had taken the time to send a text message to him- not an apology, as he would much rather talk about this in person if he had to, but a message to let him know he was coming back and to ask how things down at the Hub were.

It was evident that Ianto was more annoyed at him than he had imagined, as it had been nearly three hours and he had yet to receive a reply. This irked Jack, as he thought Ianto would at least be professional enough to inform him on how his workplace was running in his short absence. It seemed very petty compared to his usual attitude, and Jack tried to not let it bother him as he sped up further down the motorway. He was only half an hour away from getting back to Cardiff regardless, so he pressed on and thought about what he would say when he got back.

“I’m back, kids!” Jack exclaimed, holding his hands out as he strolled into the Hub half an hour later. “Hope you managed to cope without me for half a day.”

He stood from the balcony above the main working area and looked down. Three faces had turned to look at him- Gwen, Owen and Tosh. Rather than see happy or relieved faces for his return, he was met only with worry and stress. His smile dropped immediately. Something was wrong.

“What’s happened?” He asked, quickly making his way down to join his workers and stopping by Tosh’s monitor to see what was on the screen. “Woah, that rift activity does  _ not  _ look normal. Did something come through?”

“Jack…” Gwen started, her voice laced with nerves. Jack looked up at her, and then to Owen and Tosh who were still wearing identical faces. Jack tried not to get frustrated at the lack of information- what had happened in his absence? Where was Ianto when he needed someone to easily explain the situation?

Wait.

“Where’s Ianto?” He asked, feeling his heart race increase as Gwen shook her head slowly. From beside him, Tosh spoke.

“It was the rift. I’m sorry, Jack- it took him. Ianto’s gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (The next scene, cut by Remi for "dramatic effect" :( )  
> "But don't worry! We've replaced him." Owen slapped the side of the bin. "Ianto 2.0." His grin was wiped from his face by Jack's glare. That was the closest Owen had ever come to being fired, including the time he was actually fired.
> 
> There we go! Ianto is officially a companion and Jack knows he's gone! The fic from here on out follows mostly the first series of Doctor Who, except for some extras and some changes ;). We'll post an episode a week. Most of them are about three chapters long, so that means three updates a week!  
> We're starting with Aliens of London and World War Three (five chapters in total) written by @garknessandbones
> 
> As always we love hearing your opinions in the comments! And check out our tumblrs @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez bc we occasionally post extra content on there ;)


	4. Aliens of London

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Gets to be Badass For Once

“How long have I been gone?” Rose opened the Tardis doors and bounced out to look around at her estate. Nothing had changed since she had been gone but to her it was completely different, completely and utterly ordinary. She spun around and looked at everything. Ianto was less impressed. Anywhere in time and space and they were in London. Not even future London, or space London. London, England, Earth. 7th March 2005.

The Doctor leant against the corner of the Tardis, arms crossed against his chest. “About twelve hours.” He said with a bemused smile.

“Oh. Right, I won't be long. I just want to see my mum.”

“What're you going to tell her?” Ianto joined the Doctor to stand just outside the Tardis. He smoothed down his suit jacket and slipped his hands into his pockets.

Rose shook her head, walking backwards towards her building. “I don't know. I've been to the year 5 billion and only been gone, what, twelve hours? No, I'll just tell her I spent the night at Shareen's. See you later. Oh, don't you two disappear.” Rose ran off up the stairs to her flat. Ianto wandered along the wall bordering the estate. It all looked so painfully normal.

“You could go home too. We’re close enough to your own time, you must have someone you’d like to see.” The Doctor suggested, watching him carefully.

He thought about it. In 2005, he had just started working for Torchwood One, living in a tiny flat in the middle of London, just a few miles away. He was getting back on his feet, surviving, working, dating. His breath hitched in his throat. Lisa. She was out there somewhere, living a normal life. He hadn’t even met her yet. But if there was one thing Torchwood, and Jack, had taught him, it was that time travel was dangerous and he couldn’t change the past. Ianto shook his head. “No one here for me. Everyone’s in Cardiff. And it's not like I could stay, not with another me running around.” 

The Doctor nodded, seeming to approve of that answer. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Ianto interrupted, grabbing a poster from the wall. “Doctor, it’s not 2005.” He flashed the poster at him before running after Rose.

“What?!” The Doctor ran after him.

Ianto was already flying up the stairs to Rose’s flat. “It’s March 2006!”

“I'm back! I was with Shareen. She was all upset again. Are you in? So, what's been going on? How've you been? What? What's that face for? It's not the first time I've stayed out all night.” The door slammed behind Rose and she appeared in the living room with a grin only to be met with the sound of a smashing mug and her mother gasping in shock. 

“It's you.” Jackie stood, frozen in place.

“Of course it's me.”

“Oh, my God. It's you. Oh my God.” Jackie’s feet were suddenly freed and she ran to her daughter, gathering her into a massive hug. It was only then that the Doctor burst in with Ianto at his heels.

“It's not twelve hours, it's twelve months. You've been gone a whole year. Sorry.” The Doctor flashed her a sheepish grin. Ianto rolled his eyes. Sometimes he wondered why Jack was so obsessed with this man who ran through time without realising how he derailed the lives of the people he met. 

He could feel the beginning of a domestic stirring, and knew that expression on Jackie's face. It was the same as his Ma’s when Rhiannon came home pregnant at 17, the same as when he told her he was running off to London. It was not a face to be messed with. He stepped into the background with practised ease and made his way to the kitchen to make the tea he knew would be sorely needed. He doubted the energy coffee would bring would help the situation in any way. The methodical steps distracted him from the loud voices in the kitchen. Water heated to just below boiling. Warm the teapot. Two tea bags and steep for five minutes. Milk in a jug and sugar in a pot. He brought out the tray to the living room just in time to see Jackie slap the Doctor across the face with a, “Stitch this mate!” 

They stood in the corner of the chippy, waiting for their order. “I can't tell her. I can't even begin. She's never going to forgive me. I missed a whole year. Was it good?” 

The Doctor shrugged. “Middly.”

“Speak for yourself. My tad died in 2005.” Rose gave Ianto a sympathetic look that he waved off.

“Well, if it's this much trouble, are you going to stay here now?” 

Ianto left them to their conversation when their order got called. He paid at the counter and took the liberty of dousing their chips in salt and vinegar. When he got back, Rose was laughing and the Doctor was rubbing his (still slightly red) cheek.

“It hurt!” Ianto did think he’d ever see the Doctor pout, but there it was.

“You're so gay. When you say nine hundred years?” Rose took her chips gratefully.

“That's my age.”

“You’re 900 years old?” 

“Yeah, why? How old do I look?” The Doctor preened himself a little, hoping for a compliment.

Ianto smiled politely. “Not a day over 500.” Rose laughed incredulously.

“My mum was right. That is one hell of an age gap. Every conversation with you just goes mental. There's no one else I can talk to. I've seen all that stuff up there, the size of it, and I can't say a word. Aliens and spaceships and things, and we’re the only people on planet Earth who knows they exist. And we’re bloody eating chips.” She laughed again and Ianto grinned.

“We’re bloody eating chips.” 

“All of time and space and you know what? I don’t know a better place to get chips than 21st century England.” The Doctor grinned as he shovelled them into his mouth.

“Wait a second, what day did you say it was Doctor?” 

The Doctor shrugged, then snagged a newspaper from outside the corner shop they were passing. “Says here, March 27th 2006.” He winced slightly at the year. “Sorry again Rose.”

She shook her head. “Doesn’t matter now does it…” Her mouth was open to say more but got distracted by Ianto jogging off down the street, eyes fixed firmly on the sky.

“But if it’s the 27th…” he muttered to himself, “That means–” He checked his watch before moving faster down the street towards the edge of the Thames.

“Ianto?” The Doctor called after him. “Why can’t any of you just stay bloody still?” His grumbling elicited a laugh from Rose. She plucked his empty chip paper from his hands and threw them away. 

“Cmon then.” She grabbed his hand to follow. 

It didn’t take long for them to catch up to Ianto. He was looking at the sky above Big Ben, searching for something. “Aliens are about to crash into Big Ben.” He turned to them. “I know that sounds crazy. But I’ve lived through this. At around 1pm, aliens crash landed at Big Ben. By the next day, everyone said it was a hoax. Even Torchwood.” 

Even as he spoke, a loud horn sounded and a spaceship, in all respects a classic UFO, immediately recognisable, careened out of the clouds. Billows of black smoke mixed into the usually grey London sky, leaving dark streaks in the UFOs wake. It crashed into the clock tower before slipping backwards into the Thames. And at that exact moment Big Ben tolled one.

“It's blocked off.” Ianto stopped amongst the cars stuck in the middle of the road, horns blaring around him as people attempted to get on with their day. The Doctor and Rose stood next to him.

“We're miles from the centre. The city must be grid locked. The whole of London must be closing down.”

“I know. I can't believe I'm here to see this. This is fantastic!” Ianto rolled his eyes at the Doctor’s childish glee. Did he have any clue how serious the situation was?

“Did you know this was gonna happen?”

“Nope.”

“Do you recognise the ship?”

“Nope.”

“Do you know why it crashed?”

“Nope.”

“Oh well I’m so glad we have you.”

“I bet you do Rose. This is what I travel for. To see history happening right in front of us!”

“Fun for you two. I’ve seen all this already.” Not for the first time, Ianto looked around at the people on the street, all staring at the wreckage. He could remember this day, three years ago in his own personal timeline, and although he knew he spent it at home, wasting his one day off by watching the situation unfold through the news channels, he was still worried to run into someone he knew. It was unsettling, knowing there was a second him out there just a few miles away. He wondered if this was how Jack felt when he went back to the same place twice, like when him and Tosh had been stuck in 1941 together. He was pulled from his thoughts by Rose and the Doctor arguing over taking the Tardis closer to the front lines of the action.

“The Tardis isn’t moving Rose.” The Doctor’s voice was firm and not to be argued with.

“Well we’ll just have to watch it back home on TV like everyone else then.” Rose huffed.

“No we don’t.” Ianto smiled that small smug smile that, although he hadn’t been able to use as much since travelling with the Doctor, Rose had still managed to peg it as his ‘I know more than you do’ smile. He strode up to UNIT trucks that blockaded the city centre off from the street they were on. It was as though he had turned into a different person as he approached the armed personnel, pulling his id from his inner jacket pocket. “Ianto Jones, Torchwood. My colleagues and I have been brought in to assist with the alien incursion.”

“UNIT has already taken care of the site.”

“Well, Yvonne Hartman  _ personally _ sent me by request of Her Majesty, the Queen, so unless you want to take it up with her…” Ianto trailed off and let his threat hang in the air. He wished he had the same confidence that Jack wielded whenever he stormed into a situation, guns blazing with no regard to opinion. The guard checked his ID carefully, 

“Of course sir, just this way.” The guard stepped aside to let him through but held a hand out as Rose and the Doctor, both wondering exactly how much power their new companion had, tried to follow but the guard stuck his arm out to block their way. “Authorised personnel only.” 

“They are authorised. They’re with me. Civilian consultants, experts in the field.”

“Yup, civilian consultants. That’s us. Experts.” The Doctor grinned, his expression echoed by Rose’s slightly cheekier, tongue-touched smile. They made quite a pair, her in her baggy jeans with the frayed hems and pink hoodie, and him in his jumper and leather coat. Owen was always getting himself stopped for looking like a civilian and now these two would too. The guard gave them both a suspicious look until the Doctor started patting his pockets wildly. He pulled out a leather wallet. “The Doctor and Rose Tyler. Experts.” Ianto winced slightly as the Doctor gave out his name. The guard, however, seemed to have no reaction to the name and checked the blank paper.

“I think you’ll find they both have level ten UNIT security.” 

“Sorry Sir, Ma’am. Right this way.” The guard led the three of them down towards the wreckage.

“Psychic paper. Brilliant stuff.” The Doctor waved it at Ianto.

Ianto flashed his own Torchwood ID back at him. “Valid authorisation. Brilliant stuff.” He smirked slightly as the guard passed them off to a lieutenant, donned in the classic UNIT red cap. Ianto slipped straight back into professional mode. “What can you tell me about the crash?”

“Oi, that’s usually my line.” The Doctor hurried up next to him. “So what can you tell us about the crash?”

“Spacecraft crashed at 12:59, we have UNIT operatives currently investigating the wreckage, mainly divers. Reports back are saying they’ve found a body, but no knowledge of the planet of origin yet, sir.” He pressed a finger to his ear. “They’re bringing the body out now.”

“Any information on the body itself?” Ianto asked.

“About four foot tall, wearing a protective suit. The soldiers are describing it as… ‘pig-like’, sir.”

Ianto exchanged a questioning look with the Doctor, as did Rose. “Where are you taking the body?” Rose asked.

“Albion hospital.” 

“Looks like we have a new destination.” She grinned.

It took a while for Ianto to coordinate with UNIT for clearance to see the alien body, time that mostly involved Ianto arguing his way through legal hoops and hoping no one would properly verify what he was saying. If they did, they would realise that Ianto was not, in fact, head of extraterrestrial biological experimentation and research, and was, at this point in time, a junior researcher who had only been employed for a month. Luckily his ID was, technically speaking, real, if not slightly out of date and passed all their scans even if it did illicit some unusual whispers. He chalked them up to Torchwood Three not coming to London all that much. The visible national state of emergency would easily explain his presence if anyone asked. 

The Doctor and Rose had both quickly gotten bored of all the military and the salutes and had snuck off to investigate the crash sight. UNIT had managed to haul the majority of the wreckage back onto land after excavating the body from inside but it was too twisted from the crash for them to properly get inside. 

“Well it’s definitely a spaceship.” The Doctor scratched his head. 

“That all your big brain can give us?” Rose teased. “What’s your screwdriver saying about it?” 

The Doctor gave the whole ship another scan. “Nothing. Except for the area where the body they found was, the whole thing is deadlocked. I can’t scan it. No scan means no origin.”

“But it’s alien right?”

“A lot of things are alien, Rose. Roald Dahl was alien.”

Rose gasped. “No. He wasn't, was he?”

The Doctor grinned and tapped his nose. “But yes, it’s alien. Could be from anywhere though so without seeing the alien pilot, I’m as lost as all you apes.”

Ianto came up next to them, hands in his trouser pockets. “Hopefully not for long. We’ve got a meeting at Albion Hospital with the doctor doing the autopsy.”

The Doctor, Ianto, and Rose were met at the door by yet another UNIT officer ready to escort them. “Sirs, Ma’am.”

Rose elbowed Ianto lightly, leaning conspiratorially into him. “I think I’m starting to forget my own name.” She joked.

Ianto laughed softly. “Don’t worry, I’m sure one of his rants about how stupid we all are will quickly put you back in your place.”

Rose giggled, earning her a stern look from the officer. Ianto and Rose both schooled their expressions into more serious ones, looking around at the cold hospital hallways and the empty rooms. As soon as the officer turned back to his discussion with the Doctor, Rose and Ianto went back to snickering like teenagers. 

They stepped into a room filled with soldiers. They all snapped to attention, backs straight and hands against their heads in salute.

“Oh stop it. Can’t stand salutes.” The Doctor wrinkled his nose, waving at the soldiers to stand down. The officer nodded to them and they all started to relax, until a crash sounded from the corridor beyond the room and closely followed by a scream. 

The Doctor took control of the situation quickly. “Defence plan delta! Come on. Move! Move! Rose, Ianto, go see if anyone is hurt.” He rushed out of the room, leading the soldiers through the hospital skilfully like he’d been trained all his life to do it.

Ianto and Rose shared a look before running in the direction of the scream. The winding corridors led them straight to the hospital’s morgue. Ianto shivered as he looked around the room while Rose rushed to the woman curled up by the autopsy table. One of the cold storage doors had swung open and the drawer was sticking out, fallen off it’s rails. Papers were spread all across the floor. It was clear that there had been some sort of scuffle. 

It was only then that Ianto properly looked at the doctor that Rose was comforting. Tosh. His breath caught in his throat and he resisted the urge to go comfort the woman who would become his teammate. He shook his head to clear those thoughts. It wasn't the Tosh that he knew and had worked with for years. He was a stranger and his overly familiar comfort wouldn’t be welcome. So he did the only other thing he knew how to do, his professional demeanour feeling as comfortable as a clean suit.

“Spread out. Tell the perimeter it’s a lockdown.” He ordered the soldiers in the room. He could still hear Tosh babbling about the alien to Rose. “Do it!” The soldiers left quickly, moving out into the surrounding rooms. Ianto kept one ear out to listen to the shouts of ‘clear!’ coming from through the still open door but crouched down in front of Tosh. His voice was much softer when talking to her. “Did you see anything? What did it look like?” 

Tosh’s potential response was interrupted by a clatter as a tray of instruments fell off a nearby table. The noise echoed in the bare room but didn’t cover the sound of fast footsteps and the soft squeak of material. 

“Doctor! It’s still here!” Rose called.

The Doctor skidded into the room seconds later, finger to his lips. They were all silent. The footsteps slowed not too far away from where the Doctor had crouched next to a filing cabinet. There was a soft snort, followed by an oink, and a snout poked into view. Ianto frowned. 

It was a pig. Never in all his years at Torchwood had he ever heard of a race of aliens that look remarkably like Earth pigs.

The Doctor smiled at it. “Hello.”

That apparently was the wrong thing to do, as the pig squealed loudly and ran, on its hind legs no less, past the Doctor. He lunged to stop it but fell short, as did Ianto’s attempt to do the same. It was dressed in a ridiculous metallic green padded spacesuit that looked like it had stepped straight out of a bad 80s sci-fi movie. 

“Don't shoot!” The Doctor yelled as he followed the pig out into the corridor but it was too late.  The sound of machine fire echoed.

Ianto rushed out of the room to find the Doctor kneeling next to the dead body, cradling it almost like it was a child. The soldier that had shot it still had his gun levelled at the alien.

“What did you do that for?” The Doctor’s eyes flashed dangerously. “It was scared! It was scared.” 

The soldier lowered his gun slowly, at least having the audacity to look sheepish as he looked at the floor. The rest of the soldiers looked just as uncomfortable, shifting on their feet. They must not have been used to feeling guilt over killing what they had designated an enemy.

“You’re dismissed, all of you. Get back to your posts.” Ianto snapped at them, before helping the Doctor take the creature back to the morgue.

They stood in a semicircle around the body on the table. The silence that had fallen between them seemed respectful, almost mournful. However it couldn’t last long before science and business got in the way. 

Tosh was the first one to speak.  “Are you the experts that the General was flying in?”

They all glanced at each other. 

“Yep,” the Doctor answered quickly. “Ianto Jones, Rose Tyler, and I’m the Doctor.”

Tosh smiled at them all. “I’m-”

“Toshiko Sato.” Ianto grinned at her, then realised his mistake. “I mean, um, I’ve read your papers. Big fan.” He breathed a sigh of relief when Tosh took his comment at face value and her suspicious expression faded. 

“They’re rather specialised. Not many people have read them.”

Ianto shrugged. “I have many interests.” He wasn’t about to mention that he’d only read them so he could at least vaguely keep up with the jargon she spouted when researching new artefacts that had fallen through the rift. If he had to file all her reports, he should at least be able to proof read them without getting a headache. “Your work on sonic modulating was particularly interesting.”

Tosh smiled at him in the same reserved way as she always did. “Thank you.” She turned back to the body, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I swore it was dead. The General told me to keep it in cold storage until you arrived. I have no idea how it even got out.”

“Must’ve been in some sort of shock or hibernation from the crash…” Ianto murmured.

“Last I checked, pigs don’t hibernate.”

“It’s a pig?” Rose frowned. 

Tosh got her notebook out of her pocket, pushing her glasses up on her nose. Ianto was struck by how little she had changed in the time between now and when he met her. “I just assumed that's what aliens look like, but you're saying it's an ordinary pig from Earth.”

“Pigs can’t run on hind legs.” Rose argued.

“It’s more like a mermaid. Victorian showmen used to draw the crowds by taking the skull of a cat, gluing it to a fish and calling it a mermaid. Now someone's taken a pig, opened up it's brain, stuck bits on, then they've strapped it in that ship and made it dive bomb. It must've been terrified. They've taken this animal and turned it into a joke.” The Doctor’s face hardened as he spoke. It struck Ianto that the Doctor could in fact be a very dangerous man if he was so inclined.

“So it's a fake, a pretend, like the mermaid. But the technology augmenting its brain, it's like nothing on Earth. It's alien. Aliens are faking aliens. But why would they do that? Doctor?” But Tosh was speaking to thin air. The Doctor had already stormed out like a silent storm, Rose hot on his heels. Ianto glanced back at Tosh as he followed, but slipped through the door before she looked over. All she saw was the door softly closing behind them.

The Doctor clapped his hands and hurried through the hospital, back the way they came. “Come on, back to the Tardis.” He glanced back to check Rose and Ianto were keeping up with him. “The whole crash landing's a fake. I thought so. Just too perfect. I mean, hitting Big Ben. Come on,” He gestured for them to hurry up even though Rose was already having to half jog to keep up. 

Ianto rolled his eyes. “Sure you did.”

The Doctor ignored him.

“But you said that was a real spaceship.” Rose argued.

“Yep.”

“So it's all a pack of lies? What is it, then? Are they invading?”

Ianto frowned. “Funny way to invade, putting the world on red alert.”

The Doctor spun to look at him, still walking backwards. He grinned at Ianto. “Good point! So, what're they up to?”

“Doctor-” Rose tried to warn him as he rounded the corner, still walking backwards, and backed straight into a group of armed police. The police stepped back as the Doctor stumbled and turned to face them.

“Oh hello. We were just-” The guns levelled towards them stopped him speaking.

“Do not move! Raise your hands above your heads.” 

Ianto and Rose shared a look, slowly raising their hands above their heads. Rose’s expression told him that, however wild the adventures with the Doctor usually are, they didn’t end with them arrested– at least not by armed police. The Doctor just kept grinning. “We are allowed to be here.” He reached into his pocket for his psychic paper.

“I said, Raise your hands above your head. You are under arrest.” With a quick gesture from the officer in command, two men broke from the formation to detain Rose and Ianto. Ianto moved his arms willingly to save the officer from having to twist them painfully behind his back. Judging from Rose’s quiet grunt, she wasn’t as acquainted with the proceeds of being arrested. 

The Doctor raised his hands above his head, grin barely faltering. “Take me to your leader.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter Space Pigs in Downing Street will be published on Sunday!
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. As always, comments and kudos are appreciated and feel free to drop either of us a message on tumblr! @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	5. Space Pigs in Downing Street

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto and Gang Get Arrested

The Doctor’s ease unsettled Ianto. Surely, even a time lord would feel some sort of trepidation upon being arrested? But no, he was grinning and chatting to the officer escorting him out of the hospital as if they had been mates since secondary school. Ianto rolled his eyes when he heard the Doctor’s topic of conversation shift from Russian economics to the best way to beat eggs to get an even rise on a soufflé. 

When they finally stepped out of the hospital and into the crisp air, the Doctor’s ease made perfect sense.

A black armoured Jaguar sat on the street, flanked by police vehicles on either side. Ianto almost laughed when he saw it, the tension dropping straight out of his shoulders. The police officers hands were still rough as they pushed his head down to get into the car, but once the hands on his wrists let go, his arms were free to rest on his lap. Rose and then the Doctor soon joined him in the back of the car.

“This is a bit posh. If I knew it was going to be like this, being arrested, I would have done it years ago.” Rose ran her hands over the plush leather seats.

Ianto grinned at her. “We're not being arrested, we're being escorted.”

“Where to?”

“Where'd you think? Downing Street.” The Doctor’s grin rivalled Ianto’s own.

“You're kidding.”

“He’s not.”

“10 Downing Street?”

“That's the one.”

“Oh, my God.” She laughed incredulously. “We’re going to 10 Downing Street? How come?”

“Government protocol for possible large scale alien threat. UNIT’s gathering experts in alien knowledge.” Ianto explained.

“And who's the biggest expert of the lot?” The Doctor smiled smugly.

“Patrick Moore?”

His smile dropped. “Apart from him.”

“Oh, don't you just love it.” Rose’s teasing brought the Doctor’s smile straight back.

“I'm telling you. Lloyd George, he used to drink me under the table. Who's the Prime Minister now?”

Rose shrugged. “How should I know? I missed a year.”

“Tony Blair I think. Might be Brown.”

The Doctor wrinkled his nose. “Oh I hope it’s not Blair.” Ianto and Rose shared a confused look. 

“Do you not like his policies..?” Ianto had never thought the Doctor to be particularly politically inclined, apart from the occasional rant about a particularly stupid or tyrannical leader.

“Policies?” The Doctor frowned. “Oh no nothing like that. He’s just a horrible cheat at twister.”

Ianto and Rose shared another, much more amused look before both bursting out laughing. 

“You’ve played twister with Tony Blair?” Rose choked out between laughs.

“Yes, why is that so funny to you two?”

“How do you even cheat at twister?” Ianto wiped tears of mirth from his eyes.

“He rigged the spinner. I don’t have proof, but I know he did.” The Doctor grumbled. His childish disgruntlement set Ianto and Rose off again and it took a long time, accompanied by many judgemental glances from their driver, for them both to regain their composure.

“But how do they know to get you to help?” Rose asked when she could finally breathe again.

“Over the years he’s visited this planet a lot of times, even landed himself a job. Don’t look surprised. Torchwood has plenty on you in the archives, if you know where to look. We’ve even got your UNIT payslips on file, under medical expenses.”

Rose snorted then paused and frowned as if she’d just realised something. “Hold on. That means you’ve got money. And you always make me pay for bloody chips. You jerk!” The Doctor at least had the audacity to look sheepish. Ianto just laughed again.

“Ianto.” The Doctor's voice snapped Ianto’s thoughts back from where they’d resided with Torchwood and home for the past ten minutes. He looked away from the car window. “Where’s that doohickey of yours? The-” Ianto held his PDA device out to him, “Yes, that.” He took it, fiddling with the settings on his screwdriver and the device until it beeped and the screen started flashing with data. He kept on fiddling and muttering until the PDA beeped again and he grinned. “Got it! Ha, ha! Patched in the radar, looped it back twelve hours so we can follow the flight of that spaceship. Here we go. Hold on. Come on.” He showed the small screen towards them and Ianto and Rose hunched over to try and see. A thin line moved out from a globe and tracked a path all the way round before landing back where it started, right over London. “That's the spaceship on its way to Earth, see? Except. Hold on. See? The spaceship did a sling shot round the Earth before it landed.”

“What does that mean?” Ianto looked from the PDA to the Doctor with a frown.

“It means it came from Earth in the first place. It went up and came back down. Whoever those aliens are, they haven't just arrived, they've been here for a while. The question is, what have they been doing?”

There wasn’t time to discuss the answer to that question as they had pulled up to Downing Street. A soldier opened the car door for them and they stepped out. Rose glanced around at all the flashing cameras in slight shock but she kept up with Ianto’s quick pace. He didn’t know what would happen if his past self saw him going into 10 Downing Street on the news. The Doctor however walked slowly, grinning at all the cameras. Rose and Ianto looked back when they realised he was no longer with them.

“Oh, my god.” Rose groaned, shaking her head at him.

“It’s like he thinks he's on a bloody red carpet.” 

“Ladies and gentlemen, can we convene? Quick as we can, please. It's this way on the right, and can I remind you ID cards are to be worn at all times.” The throng of Britain’s best and brightest alien experts moved much like any crowd moved, haphazardly and rather resembling school children being led outside for a fire drill. The Doctor, Rose, and Ianto brought up the rear; the Doctor beamed at the faces he recognised, both from the past and the future. The man pulled two ID badges from inside his suit jacket. 

“Mr Jones, Doctor —It is the Doctor, isn't it?” He handed them each a lanyard. “Here are your ID cards. I'm sorry, your companion doesn't have clearance.”

The Doctor’s grin fell from his face. “I don't go anywhere without her.”

“You're the code nine, not her. I'm sorry, Doctor. She'll have to stay outside.”

“She's staying with us. She’s a Torchwood consultant.” Ianto insisted, hoping his ploy would work for a second time that day. The secretary stood his ground.

“Look, even I don't have clearance to go in there. I can't let her in and that's a fact.”

“It's all right. You go.” She put her hand on the Doctor’s arm to calm him. The Doctor didn’t calm down but instead opened his mouth to argue some more. 

Until a woman stepped into the way with a determined look in her eyes. “Excuse me. Are you the Doctor?”

“Not now.” The secretary rolled his eyes, voice beyond exasperated. “We're busy. Can't you go home?”

“I just need a word in private.” The woman insisted.

Ianto ignored her in favour of dealing with the domestic that was brewing between Rose and the Doctor.

“I’m not ten. I can take care of myself for half an hour without supervision.”

“I just think-” 

Ianto put his hand up and interrupted before the Doctor could finish. “She’ll be fine, Doctor.”

Rose smiled at him gratefully. “You two are the alien experts. I wouldn’t even understand what they’re saying. Besides, I can get any gossip from security.”

“I suppose so. Don't get in any trouble.” The Doctor warned, but coming from him it sounded more like a challenge. 

Ianto snorted slightly as they both walked into the conference room. “You’d have a better chance if you just asked hell to freeze over.” 

Most everyone had already found their seats, following the suggestions of the neat place cards. Ianto was surprised to find that he didn’t recognise any of the faces around him. It was a little strange but Ianto shrugged off his nagging suspicions. Most were military officials, people he didn’t like to rub shoulders with except when Jack needed his more diplomatic approach to business calls. Two seats in the front row were waiting for him and the Doctor.

The Doctor grinned at him. “Looks like we’re the guests of honour.”

“I'm going to have to leave you with security.” 

Before she could get there, Rose was snatched from the secretary’s grasp by the same forceful woman who had been trying to talk to the Doctor.

“It's all right. I'll look after her. Let me be of some use.” She smiled tightly at Rose and half dragged her out of the room and into the hallway. “Walk with me. Just keep walking.” Her voice was low and tense. “That's right. Don't look round. Harriet Jones, MP Flydale North.” Rose could barely glance at the ID that Harriet flashed in her face before it was put away. Harriet stopped suddenly, hidden in an alcove by the stairway. “This friend of yours, he's an expert, is that right? He knows about aliens?”

“Why do you want to know?” Rose reached out and gently lay her hand on the older woman’s arm. That simple kind gesture was all it took for Harriet’s steely composure to crumple along with her expression. Tears sprung to her eyes and she flung herself at a baffled Rose.

Ianto busied himself reading the pack of reports on the desk in front of him as he waited for the meeting to start. The Doctor had put it down after a few seconds, leaving Ianto wondering whether he’d actually read it or if he’d just gotten bored of the stuffy language. 

“Now, ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention, please. As you can see from the summaries in front of you, the ship had one porcine occupant.” The poor general barely managed to finish his sentence before the Doctor stood up and interrupted.

“Of course, the really interesting bit happened three days ago, see, filed away under Any Other Business. The North Sea.” He started to pace. “A satellite detected a signal, a little blip of radiation, at one hundred fathoms, like there's something down there. You were just about to investigate and the next thing you know, this happens. Spaceships, pigs, massive diversion. From what?” Ianto knew the question was rhetorical but the way the Doctor had spun to face him, eyes meeting his, made him feel like he should have all the answers. His mind was working a mile a minute but he still couldn’t work out what the Doctor was trying to make him, them, _the entire room_ understand.

Rose let Harriet drag her through Downing Street once she had composed herself, straight past security and into the cabinet room. Rose looked around in slight awe. She, Rose Tyler, chav from an estate, was standing in the cabinet room in 10 Downing Street. Her awe turned to vague nausea as Harriet dragged what looked like a latex suit out of a cupboard and placed it onto the table. It was only when Rose saw the face that she realised what it was: the skin of a person, hollowed at and empty. The hands and arms flopped off the table like Harriet had put down a shirt on a hanger rather than a dead body.

“They turned the body into a suit. A disguise for the thing inside!” Harriet’s voice verged on hysteria, words interrupted by sobs.

Rose struggled to keep back her own panic. “It's all right. I believe you. It's, it's alien.” She tried to channel the Doctor’s calm mania. He wouldn’t become emotional; he’d look for a solution or an escape plan or even just information. “They must have some serious technology behind this. If we could find it, we could use it.” Rose hurried round the table, opening drawers and cupboards as she went. There was nothing out of place, no evidence of alien technology. Unless the device used was a book or a fancy fountain pen. She opened a wardrobe and jumped back as a body tumbled out and fell to the floor at her feet.

The face that looked up at her with unseeing eyes was one she knew well from the news. “Oh, my God! Is that the-” 

Before Rose could finish the sickening realisation, The secretary, Mr Ganesh, if Rose had read his ID badge correctly, burst angrily into the room. “Harriet, for God's sake. This has gone beyond a joke. You cannot just wander-” His tirade stopped as he caught sight of the body lying between Rose and Harriet. “Oh, my God. That's the Prime Minister.”

Harriet nodded solemnly. 

“Ooh.” A female voice sing-songed from the doorway. She stepped out of the darkness. “Has someone been naughty?” Her sickly sweet tone sent a shiver down Rose’s back. Her face came into the light, her smug smile set Rose immediately on the defensive. 

“That's impossible. He left this afternoon.” Ganesh turned to face the new woman, looking at her with professional familiarity. She must be someone important if he was turning to her for answers. “The Prime Minister left Downing Street. He was driven away!”

“And who told you that, hmm?” She walked towards them slowly, dropping her bag on the floor. “Me.” She let out a tinkling laugh, one that sounded much like Rose always imagined the witch from Hansel and Gretel letting out just before eating them. The thought did nothing to calm her nerves.

The woman reached up and brushed her hair back, revealing a zip across her forehead. It was identical to the one on the skin suit they'd found. Horror routed the three of them to the ground as she unzipped her forehead to allow a massive green head to push its way out of the skin suit. It stretched and sighed at its new found freedom, claws unsheathing from its hands. 

Before they could think to run, the alien swung out, grabbing Ganesh by the throat and sliding roughly up the wall until his head nearly brushed the ceiling. He pounded his fists against the alien’s arm until his face turned blue and he slumped, limp and unbreathing.

“If aliens fake an alien crash and an alien pilot, what do they get?” The Doctor’s eyes were still on Ianto, and suddenly it clicked. 

“Us.” Ianto whispered, then cleared his throat. “They get us. It's not a diversion, it's a trap.” He raised his voice so that the whole room could hear him.

The Doctor nodded. His pacing had taken the Doctor out to the middle of the aisle and down until he stood in the middle of the room. He spun slowly, looking at everyone in the room. “This is all about  _ us _ , all the alien experts gathered here in one place. The only people who can stop them.”

Ianto looked round. He suddenly clocked what his instincts had been trying to tell him since he’d stepped into the room. He was the only Torchwood representative in the room. Torchwood One wouldn’t have been informed if the government believed they were already here, but he knew Jack’s terse relationship with them, with any form of authority really. He would’ve sent someone here to ensure they got the real information, not the twisted, redacted forms that Yvonne would forward him. But there was no sign of him, or Suzie, or Owen. Not even Tosh was there, despite her being in London. Something was wrong. 

“...deadly?” General Asquith’s voice filtered in through his thoughts. Ianto spun back round but could only watch in shock as General Asquith took off his cap. He held it under his arm as he reached back up and, there was no other way to describe other than, unzipped his head. The blinding blue light that emitted from the opening was enough to make Ianto squint and put his hand up to protect his eyes. Green let out a spine-chilling laugh as a huge green mass emerged, far too big to have been able to fit inside that body without alien technology. The alien that was General Asquith growled as it finally shook off the skin that had been keeping it contained. It loomed over them, three-fingered hands with claws as long as Ianto’s forearm slashing at air. When it spoke, it’s voice was garbled and guttural.

“We are the Slitheen.”

“Thank you all for wearing your ID cards.” Green took a plastic box out of his jacket and held it up. He flicked the safety lid up and placed his thumb on the button below. “They'll help to identify the bodies.”

Ianto’s body worked on pure Torchwood honed instinct to rip the ID card from around his neck, even as his brain was still working through what Green had said. He had only just dropped the lanyard on the floor when the room lit up with another light. This time it came from the electricity jumping from the lanyards to everyone in the room. Not for the first time, Ianto was grateful to the dramatic pause that no enemy seemed able to resist, for it had saved his life once again. He kicked the lanyard even further away from him and turned to ask the Doctor what to do.

He was met by the sight of the time lord on his knees, face contorted in pain as his lanyard shocked him. The image seared itself into his brain. The hideous laughter of the Slitheen echoed in his ears as he watched with horror.

All he could do was cry out, “Doctor!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We edit each chapter over Zoom and there is so much hilarity and shouting that we wondered if y'all would be interested in listening to them as a sort of podfic... (warning: may include family anecdotes about WWII, vibe checks, and screaming about soufflé)  
> As always we love all the kudos and comments y'all leave us!  
> From next week we'll update three (3!!!!!!) times, wednesday, friday, and sunday with... World War Three!  
> If anyone wants to chat with us about this fic or torchwood and doctor who in general, shoot us a message on:  
> https://garknessandbones.tumblr.com/  
> https://thirteeninafez.tumblr.com/


	6. World War Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Steals a BBC Van

Ianto didn’t know what sound was worse, the screams or sickening crackling of electricity that was left after the screaming stopped. Neither sound could drown out the cackling of the aliens with pure evil glee. The Doctor had fallen to his knees. His hands were slowly moving towards his chest, struggling against invisible chains. He dragged his eyes to meet Ianto’s, then down to the still live lanyard on the floor. Ianto followed his gaze, then looked back at the Doctor just in time to see him looking at the massive alien looming above them. But not at his face, slightly lower than that… The Doctor looked back at Ianto. Ianto, lanyard, alien. Ianto, lanyard, alien. Ianto, lanyard, alien… collar. The Doctor was looking at the collar around its throat. The suspiciously electrical collar around its throat. 

Ianto edged towards his lanyard, glad that the conspiring aliens were too busy gloating over their win to pay attention to a ‘tea boy’. He slipped off his shoe, using it to at least partially insulate his hand as he scooped it up and swung it, straight at the beast’s collar. It collided with a loud crackle and then a snap and a pop. The electricity jumped from the ID, surrounding the alien in a cage of blue lightning. The lightning spread, engulfing Green and causing him to drop the controller. 

The Doctor ripped off his own ID card and jumped up with a grin. “Deadly to humans maybe.” He turned to Ianto. “Come on then. And why have you got a shoe on your hand? You look like a right melon.”

“Oh, so that’s the thanks I get for saving your behind?” Ianto grumbled, as he ran off after the Doctor, still only in one shoe.

“It’s like I said, deadly to humans.” The Doctor stopped suddenly, grabbing Ianto’s arms to stop him as well. His blasé attitude turned deadly serious in a split second. “Go. Get out of here and go to the Tardis. We need to work out who these creatures are and what they want from Earth.”

“What about-” 

“I’ll deal with here and I’ll find Rose. Now go.” The Doctor shoved him towards the door and Ianto took off running, only slowing as he hopped forward to keep his momentum while he slipped his shoe back on. The Doctor’s shouts echoed behind him as he led the police back into the conference room. 

Ianto barrelled out of Downing Street, knocking into a fair number of policemen and government officials as he did. Cameras flashed in his face as reports shouted at him, demanding to know what had happened inside. He ignored them all in favour of jumping into a nearby empty van, BBC blazoned on the side of it. The keys were still in the ignition, conveniently stopping him from having to hot wire the vehicle. He could hear shouts as he squealed away from the pavement and it wasn’t until then that he had fully realised what he’d just done. He started to laugh as he careened down the streets of London, driving wilder and faster than Owen or Jack ever did. He’d just stolen a BBC van from Downing Street, while camera crews from most of the country’s news shows filmed him. So much for keeping a low profile in the past.

It took no time at all for him to reach the Powell estate. He stopped the van round the corner to the estate, in a manoeuvre that could barely be called parking, out of sight in case anyone came looking for him. Except for a group of twenty-something year olds celebrating the alien invasion with copious amounts of alcohol and some lewd shouting at him, Ianto didn’t see another soul on the streets as he ran to the Tardis. He barrelled straight into the doors, expecting them to open easily with a push like always. He was not expecting to run straight into solid wood panels with no sign of any give. He grunted, stumbling back. He tried to pull the doors open, even going as far as to try to pry the doors open by shoving his fingers into the gap. Eventually he gave up, resorting to pounding on the doors futilely.

“Are you kidding? He locks his bloody police box?” He sighed, dropping his forehead against the door with a thud. “Of course he does. Why wouldn’t he? If I had a spaceship in the middle of London I’d want it locked.” The logic of it all didn’t stop Ianto from kicking the corner of the disguised ship. Maybe there was a back door? He moved round to the other side of the Tardis, the tiniest spark of hope building in his throat. There was no back door. He was left staring petulantly at the graffiti someone had left on the side of the ship. Bad Wolf. What the hell did that even mean? And what the hell was he supposed to do?

“Doctor!” Ianto jumped at the shout and the sound of someone trying to skid to a stop, much like he did, and failing, much like he did. The noises finally culminated in the sound of a body hitting the blue doors with a resounding thud. 

Ianto’s frustrated train of questioning continued as he stuck his head around the corner, however not as silently this time. “Who the hell are you?”

The body that had slammed into the Tardis belonged to a young black man who looked just as confused and frustrated as Ianto felt. “Who the hell am I? Who the hell are you?”

Ianto opened his mouth to retaliate just as childishly- until a scream interrupted them both. The shrill pitch unmistakably belonged to Rose’s mother.

“Jackie.” Both men said as they sprinted towards the flat. 

Ianto didn’t waste any time when he reached the closed door. While the stranger, who must know Rose and the Doctor in some capacity, more likely Rose from the way he reacted to the scream, dropped to his knees to search a flower pot for a spare key, Ianto quickly shot through the lock and barged into the flat. 

The man scrambled up and followed him as Ianto searched the flat methodically. Another scream came from the kitchen and both men raced towards it. 

“Jackie!” Before Ianto could react, the man had picked up a chair and smashed it over the aliens head. As it stumbled, Jackie ran over to them and Ianto ushered her quickly out of the way of the alien.

“Mickey?” Jackie stared in shock at the man, Mickey; Ianto filed the name away for future reference. 

“We can go to mine. Come on.” Mickey practically pushed her and Ianto out of the flat. Ianto pulled as much furniture into the middle of the halfway as he could in his best attempt to slow the alien down if it came after them. “You with the Doctor?”

Ianto nodded his response.

“You can come too then.” 

Rose’s scream echoed through the halls of Downing Street, stopping the Doctor in his tracks. He skidded to a stop, pivoting his feet before his upper body had lost any of its momentum. This left him doing an awkward stumble and rebounding off the closest wall before he actually managed to turn the right way. Nine hundred years of near constant running yet he still hadn’t quite figured out the whole turning part of it. His rebound knocked a fire extinguisher off the wall and straight into his path. He stared at it for a second before shrugging and picking it up, then carried on running back to Rose.

Two Slitheen were looming over that woman from earlier, the third still halfway through turning away from Rose who was backed into the bay window, when the Doctor ran in. This quick stop was much more successful than the last, a fact that the Doctor was very grateful for. He didn’t want to have to deal with the future torment from Rose and Ianto if he tried to save the day and instead fell flat on his face. He slammed the extinguisher down on the table. “Oi!” He doused the two closest aliens with CO2, sending them both stumbling back. “Out, with me!” 

Rose grabbed hold of the curtains above her, ripping the rail off so that it crashed into the Slitheen that used to be Margaret Blaine. The two women ran over to him, protected by the spray of CO2 that was still keeping the Slitheen back. The Doctor grinned at Rose, but it was only after she was safely by his side that he seemed to notice the other woman with her. 

He frowned. “Who the hell are you?”

“Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North.” 

“Nice to meet you.” The Doctor looked away from the aliens to give her a warm smile.

She smiled back. “Likewise.”

The fire extinguisher spluttered slightly before giving out. The Doctor dropped the extinguisher before chasing after Harriet and Rose. They sprinted through the halls of Downing Street together, the Doctor quickly catching up to Rose and grabbing her hand. She grinned at him as they barged through a door. 

“We need to head to the Cabinet Room.” He turned the corner, hoping that his memory of the layout of the building wasn’t failing him in the moment. Harriet Jones didn’t dispute the decision, merely nodding and following them, so he assumed he was correct.

“The Emergency Protocols are in there. They give instructions for aliens.”

“Harriet Jones, I like you.” 

“And I like you too.”

“I think it’s the Jones, I’m starting to like the name Jones y'know. We should find some more Jones’, Rose.” He glanced back at her as he dragged her through corridors.

“So is Tyler not good enough for you now?” She laughed, only sounding slightly winded despite all their running.

“On the contrary Rose, Tyler is far too good for me.” Their flirting was cut short as they turned a corner and found themselves face to face with the three Slitheen. The Doctor grabbed Rose and pushed her back the way they came, letting Harriet lead them to the cabinet room.

The Slitheen ran after them, long arms reaching the floor as they bounded forward like beasts. Their claws dragged along the carpet and walls, scratching noises echoing down the corridor and fuelling the humans’ adrenaline. The guttural roars were getting worryingly close as the small group reached the cabinet room. Rose slammed the door behind them, locking it from the inside. The Doctor rushed to the main doors that were still wide open from when Rose and Harriet had run out earlier. The Slitheen were already there.

The Doctor grabbed a decanter from the side table by the door. He held it up threateningly, pressing his sonic screwdriver against the glass. “One more move and my sonic device will triplicate the flammability of this alcohol. Whoof, we all go up. So back off.” Sheer confidence was the only thing keeping the bluff alive. Luckily it seemed to be working; the Slitheen took a step back.

“Right then. Question time. Who exactly are the Slitheen?” 

“They're aliens.” Harriet’s panicked voice came from his right.

The Doctor huffed. “Yes. I got that, thanks.”

“Who are you, if not human?” The Slitheen’s voice was garbled, like he was talking through gargling water.

“Who's not human?”

Rose pointed, extremely casually for someone who could be facing near death. “He's not human.”

Harriet’s shrill voice became even shriller. “He's not human?”

The Doctor turned to them, the picture of exasperation. “Can I have a bit of hush?”

“Sorry.” Both women muttered sheepishly.

The Doctor turned back to the matter at hand. “So, what's the plan?”

“But he's got a Northern accent.” Harriet whispered to Rose.

“Lots of planets have a north.” She echoed the Doctor’s tongue in cheek response, enjoying a rare chance to tease someone else over their lack of alien knowledge.

“I said hush.” The Doctor shot a glare at Rose but she just smiled innocently back. He narrowed his eyes at her before once again turning back to the Slitheen. “Come on. You've got a spaceship hidden in the North Sea. It's transmitting a signal. You've murdered your way to the top of government. What for, invasion?”

“Why would we invade this God-forsaken rock?”

“Then something's brought the Slitheen race here. What is it?”

“The Slitheen race?” The Slitheen started to laugh, its two companions quickly joining in.

“Slitheen is not our species. Slitheen is our surname. Jocrassa Fel Fotch Pasameer-Day-Slitheen at your service.”

“So, you're family.”

“A family business.”

“Then you're out to make a profit. How can you do that on a God-forsaken rock?”

The Slitheen ignored his question, instead answering with their own. “Ah, excuse me? Your device will do what? Triplicate the flammability?”

The Doctor’s confidence wavered slightly. “Is that what I said?

“You're making it up.”

He grimaced. “Ah, well! Nice try. Harriet, have a drink. I think you're gonna need it.” He reached across himself to hold the bottle out to Harriet behind him. She clutched the Red Box filled with the alien protocols to her chest, no hands free to tack the decanter.

“You pass it to the left first.”

“Sorry.” He moved it over to his other side, holding it out to Rose, who took it nervously. 

“Thanks.” 

None of their eyes left the three aliens in front of him throughout the entire exchange.

“Now we can end this hunt with a slaughter.” The Slitheen moved forward as one dangerous green mass.

“Don't you think we should run?” Rose asked quietly, but for the first time, running didn’t seem on the Doctor’s list of things to do. Instead he crosses his arms, raising an eyebrow at the Slitheen with a sense of smug superiority, and opted for his second favourite pastime: talking.

“Fascinating history, Downing Street. Two thousand years ago, this was marsh land. 1730, it was occupied by a Mister Chicken. “ He chuckled softly. “He was a nice man. 1796, this was the Cabinet Room. If the Cabinet's in session and in danger, these are about the four most safest walls in the whole of Great Britain. End of lesson.” He punctuated his lesson by flipping open a small hatch hidden in the wall and pressing the button inside. The smug smile morphed into his signature grin as steel shutters rolled closed in front of them. He turned back to Rose and Harriet, silently preening himself in preparation for his compliment about being oh so clever. “Installed in 1991. Three inches of steel lining every single wall. They'll never get in.”

Rose’s dry look held no promise of a compliment, or even a relieved hug. “And how do we get out?”

“Ah…”

She huffed. “Good thing we’ve got Ianto.” 

Ianto was sitting on a rickety kitchen chair, in a shitty little flat on the other side of the Powell Estate, flicking through channels on a crackling tv. The entire set up reminded Ianto a lot of the way his London flat looked before Lisa had moved in, a certified mid-twenties bachelor pad. But even Ianto’s flat didn’t have walls covered in _this_ much research into aliens, the Doctor, and near disasters, even Torchwood and UNIT records were pinned up next to blurry photos. Ianto turned his attention back to the tv, switching over to BBC1. Andrew Marr stood in front of 10 Downing Street, narrating what was going on behind him. “And there's still no word from inside Downing Street, though we are getting even more new arrivals. That's Group Captain Tennant James of the RAF, though why he's been summoned we've no idea. And that's Ewan McAllister, Deputy Secretary for the Scottish Parliament. And this is most unusual. I'm told that is Sylvia Dillane, Chairman of the North Sea Boating Club. Quite what connects these people, we have no idea.” Ianto sighed. As usual in these kinds of circumstances, the news was useless at actually reporting anything useful.

He headed back into the kitchen in time to see Mickey awkwardly hugging Jackie as she cried. “I thought I was going to die.” She sobbed into Mickey’s shoulder, who pulled away uncomfortably. Ianto couldn’t judge him, he would be just as uncomfortable if he had to comfort Rose’s mother after an alien attack. There was a reason, back at Torchwood, why Jack sent Gwen to comfort any survivors and Ianto just dealt with the bodies.

“Come on, yeah? If anyone's going to cry, it's going to be me. Now, you're safe in my flat, Jacks. No one's going to look for you here, especially since you hate me so much.” Mickey patted her knee.

“You saved my life.” She sniffled. “God, that's embarrassing.” 

Ianto passed a handkerchief silently to Mickey for him to give to Jackie to clean her face with. 

Mickey passed it over to her. “You're telling me.”

Ianto took over the cups of tea that Mickey had abandoned when Jackie had broken down. He relaxed as he took his time to work like he used to, silently and methodically.

“He wanted me dead. That policeman. That thing.” 

Ianto turned around, holding a fresh cup of tea out to each of them. “Why were the police at your house, Jackie?”

“Don’t answer him, Jacks.” Mickey turned to him. “Why should we trust you? I mean, this is what he does, that Doctor bloke. Everywhere he goes, death and destruction, and he's got Rose in the middle of it. And you’re dragging her into it too.”

“If you really don’t trust me, you probably shouldn’t be drinking the tea I made you.” Ianto raised an eyebrow as he watched Mickey debate spitting his mouthful of tea out or not. Eventually he decided to just very cautiously swallow. (Jack would’ve had an innuendo ready for that. Ianto could practically hear him saying, "oh so you're a swallower?")

“The Doctor isn’t the one causing any death or destruction, he’s the one who limits the damage. Just like UNIT and Torchwood.” Mickey opened his mouth but Ianto cut him off. “I’ve worked for Torchwood for nearly three years, I can guarantee I know more about all this than you do. And since those aliens have killed all other alien experts that can help us, the Doctor is our only hope. So we trust him and you trust me. Now Jackie, why were the police at your house?”

Jackie burst back into tears as she explained how she had called the police after Rose had run off with the Doctor and Ianto and hadn’t come back again. The policeman had arrived shortly after, congratulating her on helping them arrest ‘the dangerous alien’ that had ‘terrorised the earth for centuries’. 

“Is it true? Is my Rose running around with– with… an alien?” 

Ianto nodded, distractedly. “If he knows you’re associated with the Doctor they’ll be after us.”

Jackie looked at the front door worriedly. “And that alien’s still out there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a long argument, a trawl through the Tardis wiki, and a lot of ctrl+F, we decided Ianto and Lisa did in fact date (suck on that Remi)  
> If you want context, that offer for a podfic is still on the table ;) Let us know on tumblr or in the comments if you want it!  
> https://garknessandbones.tumblr.com/  
> https://thirteeninafez.tumblr.com/  
> Next update, Letters to Raxacoricofallapatorius, will be out on Friday!!  
> Thanks for all your comments! It literally makes our days so much better :)


	7. Letters to Raxacoricofallapatorius

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Faces Another Alien With Only a Baseball Bat

Rose stood in the corner trying to get ahold of Ianto on her mobile. The Doctor ran around, sonic-ing the various sealed off windows and doors in an attempt to work out how they could escape. 

As he worked he rambled. “Harriet Jones. I've heard that name before. Harriet Jones. You're not famous for anything, are you?”

She shook her head. “Oh, hardly.”

The Doctor frowned. “Rings a bell. Harriet Jones?”

“Lifelong backbencher I'm afraid, and a fat lot of use I'm being now.” 

“Doctor! I've got Ianto on the phone!” 

The Doctor held his hand out, and Rose tossed her mobile to him easily. He plugged the phone into the conference speaker sitting on the cabinet table. “Ianto, you there?”

“I’m here, Doctor.” Ianto’s tinny voice came through the speaker. “But listen, I can’t get into the Tardis. You locked the doors.” 

The Doctor scratched the back of his neck. “Ah, yes. I probably should’ve given you a key.”

“Probably.” Ianto said dryly.

Harriet was staring at the working phone, slightly shocked. “But we're sealed off. How did you get a signal?”

“He zapped it. Super phone.” She grinned.

“Who’s that?” Ianto asked.

Harriet straightened her back, stepping up to the speaker like Ianto was in the room. “Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North.”

“Yes, I know who you are.” Ianto said before she’d even finished. Of course he knew who the ex Prime Minister was. Except she wasn’t. Not yet. Ianto closed his eyes and tried not to curse as he realised his mistake. 

“You do?” Her shock was obvious.

“Big politics buff, me.” He hoped that would be enough to stop her questioning. “What’s going on there Doctor?”

“We’re stuck in the Cabinet Room.” The Doctor answered.

“At least we have the Protocols.”

Harriet shook her head. “The Protocols are redundant. They list the people who could help and they're all dead downstairs.”

“Hasn't it got, like, defence codes and things? Couldn't we just launch a nuclear bomb at them?”

Harriet frowned. “You're a very violent young woman.”

“I'm serious. We could.” Rose looked to the Doctor to back her up.

“The Protocols can’t help you with that. Nuclear strikes do need a release code, but it's kept secret by the United Nations. The British Isles can't gain access to atomic weapons without a Special Resolution from the UN.” Ianto said.

Rose scoffed. “Like that's ever stopped them.”

“Exactly, given our past record.” Harriet put her hands to her chest as if to prove how sincere she was. “And I voted against that, thank you very much. The codes have been taken out of the government's hands and given to the UN. Is it important?”

The Doctor stared through the wall, deep in thought. “Everything's important…”

“If we only knew what the Slitheen wanted.” She laughed incredulously. ”Listen to me. I'm saying Slitheen as if it's normal.”

“What do they want, though?”

Ianto, who had left the kitchen when Rose called, settled back down on the chair in the sitting room, listening as Rose and the Doctor pieced together what little information they had. Something about what Harriet Jones had said nagged at the back of his mind, something not quite in reach.

“Well, they're just one family, so it's not an invasion. They don't want Slitheen World. They're out to make money. That means they want to use something. Something here on Earth. Some kind of asset.” 

“Like what, gold?” Ianto asked. 

“Oil? Water?” Harriet added.

“You're very good at this.” Ianto could hear the beam in the Doctor’s voice. He was always happy when he found a particularly smart ape to talk to.

“Thank you.”

Jackie came out of the kitchen then, having warmed to him after deciding he actually liked Rose and didn’t want to actively kill her by sending her into dangerous situations, and rather spent his time trying to help the Doctor get her _out_ of them. “Ianto, would you like a cuppa? You never made yourself one.”

“Is that my mother?” Rose sounded shocked.

“Yeah, one of the aliens came over here and attacked her.” Ianto mouthed the word Rose at Jackie when she gave him a questioning look. She gasped and ran over, gesturing for him to put the phone on speaker. 

“Rose? I could’ve died, Rose!”

“Is she all right, though? Don't put her on, just tell me.” 

“She’s okay. We’re hiding out at Mickey’s.” 

“You’re at Ricky’s?” The Doctor asked sharply. He didn’t wait for a response. “Get him to go to his computer.” 

Ianto stuck his head into the kitchen and passed the message onto Mickey. 

“Why do you need my computer?” Mickey grumbled, taking the phone off Ianto and leading the two of them into his room where his computer was. If Ianto had thought that research on the living room wall was a little too much, it had nothing on the sketches and papers that covered his bedroom.

“Mickey the Idiot, I might just choke, before I finish this sentence, but, er,” The Doctor’s voice came from the phone, “I need you.”

The Doctor talked Mickey through getting onto the main page for the UNIT website. 

“It's asking for the password.” 

“Buffalo. Two Fs, one L.” Ianto said, leaning over Mickey to type it in. He pressed enter and the website let him in. Mickey gave him a look, raising one eyebrow in a mixture of curious and impressed.

“So, what's that website?” Jackie asked, leaning to see it from her vantage point sitting on the bed.

“All the secret information known to mankind.”

Ianto snorted, rolling his eyes. “They wish it was.”

Mickey continued with his rant. “See, they've known about aliens for years. They just kept us in the dark.” 

“Ricky, you were born in the dark.”

There was the soft sound of Rose’s hand hitting the Doctor’s leather jacket. “Oh, leave him alone.”

“Thank you. Password again.”

“Just repeat it every time.” Ianto took the phone from where Mickey had propped it between his ear and shoulder so that he could type more easily.

“Big Ben - why did the Slitheen go and hit Big Ben?” 

“You said to gather the experts, to kill them.”

The Doctor snorted. “That lot would've gathered for a weather balloon. You don't need to crash land in the middle of London.”

Rose paced around the table. “The Slitheen are hiding, but then they put the entire planet on Red alert. What would they do that for?

“Oh, listen to her.” Jackie scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“At least I'm trying, mum.”

“Well, I've got a question, if you don't mind.” Jackie took the phone off Ianto. “Since that man walked into our lives, I have been attacked in the streets. I have had creatures from the pits of hell in my own living room, and my daughter disappear off the face of the Earth–”

“I told you what happened–” Rose tried to interrupt her rant but just got interrupted herself.

“I'm talking to him. 'Cos I've seen this life of yours, Doctor. And maybe you get off on it, and maybe you think it's all clever and smart, but you tell me. Just answer me this. Is my daughter safe?”

“I'm _fine_.”

Jackie ignored her daughter. “Is she safe? Will she always be safe? Can you promise me that?” She practically begged.

The Doctor couldn't answer, he could just be damn glad Jackie wasn’t there to see him and call him out for avoiding eye contact and staring at the table.

“Well, what's the answer?” Jackie spoke into the silence, insisting on getting an answer from the elusive Time Lord. 

Even through the phone the silence was tense. Travelling with the Doctor wasn’t all that different to Torchwood really, when it came to danger levels. And he’d bet the life expectancy wasn’t much higher, even if it was less documented. Ianto looked away from Jackie awkwardly. “We're in, Doctor.”

“Now then, on the left at the top, there's a tab, an icon. Little concentric circles. Click on that.”

Ianto leant over Mickey’s shoulder, pointing out the icon to him. Mickey clicked on it and the screen flicked from a map of the world to an oscilloscope reading, making a sonar like noise as the waves rippled across the screen. 

“What is it?” Mickey asked.

“The Slitheen have got a spaceship in the North Sea and it's transmitting that signal. Now hush, let me work out what it's saying.”

“Slitheen...” Ianto muttered to himself. “Why does that sound familiar?”

Jackie huffed at the sudden change of topic. “He'll have to answer me one day.” She said loudly.

Mickey shushed them both aggressively, the Doctor echoing him through the phone speaker. They all fell silent as the Doctor listened to the beeps.

“It's some sort of message.”

“What's it say?”

“Don't know. It's on a loop, keeps repeating.”

The buzz of the doorbell sounded from down the hall, making the Doctor shush them down the phone again, even more aggressively this time.

“That's not us.” Ianto said.

“Go and see who that is.” Mickey told Jackie.

“It's three o'clock in the morning!”

“Well, go and tell _them_ that.” Mickey shooed her out the door.

“All right, all right!” Jackie huffed, standing up and heading down the hall. She undid the latch and opened it, ready to give whoever was on the other side of the door what for for dropping by at this god awful time of night.

The police officer from earlier stood in the doorway, smiling eerily. “Mrs Tyler.”

Jackie screamed and slammed the door shut, flicking the lock before running to Mickey’s room. ”It's him! It's the thing, it's the _Slipeen_!”

“They've found us.” Ianto said down the phone.

“Mickey, I need that signal.” The Doctor added urgently.

“Never mind the signal, get out! Mum, just get out! Get out!”

“We can't. It's by the front door.” Mickey picked up a baseball bat, tossing it to Ianto who caught it and moved out into the corridor to keep an eye on the door. The tell-tale blue light was leaking in through the crack around the door frame.

“It's unmasking. It's going to kill us.” Ianto called back into the bedroom warningly. “What do we do, Doctor?”

“There's got to be some way of stopping them!” Harriet stood up, shouting at the Doctor. “You're supposed to be the expert, think of something!”

The Doctor lifted his head up from the table. “I'm trying!”

“I’ll keep it distracted. Mickey, take Jackie and run.”

Mickey hesitated, arms around Jackie protectively.

“Just run.” He hefted the bat, mobile still against his ear in the other hand. What he wouldn’t give for his old comm unit at that moment. “Took down a weevil with one of these, how hard can a Slitheen be?” Ianto pushed Mickey and back into the kitchen. “Try to get out the window.”

Rose turned to the Doctor. “That's my mother.”

He looked into her eyes, seeing all the trust she was placing in him, not only to save Ianto, but her mother and her boyfriend as well. “Right, If we're going to find their weakness, we need to find out where they're from. Which planet. So, judging by their basic shape, that narrows it down to five thousand planets within travelling distance. What else do we know about them? Information!”

“They're green.”

“Yep, narrows it down.”

“Good sense of smell.”

“Narrows it down.”

“They can smell adrenalin.”

“Narrows it down.”

Harriet interrupted their tennis match back and forth. “The woman who unzipped her head, Margaret Blaine, she was way shorter than the alien.”

“Compression field, narrows it down.”

“Did you say Margaret Blaine?” The thought that had been nagging at the back of his head suddenly slotted into place and Ianto knew exactly where he had heard of the Slitheen before.

“I don’t think the person she stole the body off matters much.” The Doctor snapped at him. 

“It does. She used to be mayor of Cardiff, we have a whole file on her. Slitheen, from the home planet of Raxacoricofallapatorius.”

“Oh, yeah, great. We could write 'em a letter.” Mickey rolled his eyes as the three of them watched the door splinter under the brute force of the alien on the other side. The Doctor however, whooped for joy.

“Of course! Raxacoricofallapatorius. Oh, Ianto Jones, I could kiss you!”

“Could you save it for after we’ve got an alien hunting us down?”

The door let out one final sharp crack as the Slitheen managed to wrench it from its hinges. The door crashed to the floor with a bang and the Slitheen stepped on top of it, eyes zeroing in on the group by the end of the corridor. Ianto gave the phone to Mickey and raised the bat to fight.

“Get into the kitchen!” The Doctor shouted into the phone. 

Ianto stepped forward towards the Slitheen.

“Oh no, Mister.” Jackie grabbed his arm and dragged him into the kitchen with them. “I’m not letting you kill yourself in some stupid brave act.” She held him still as Mickey barricaded the door with whatever he could find.

The Doctor paced up and down the length of the Cabinet Room. “Calcium, weakened by the compression field. Acetic acid.” He snapped his fingers. “Vinegar!”

Harriet jumped to attention. “Just like Hannibal!”

“Just like Hannibal!” He grinned, then turned back to the speaker. “Mickey, have you got any vinegar?”

Mickey leant back against the pile of furniture to keep it in place as Ianto pressed his hands against the door that was slowly being beaten in just like the front door. “How should I know?”

“It's your kitchen.”

“Cupboard by the sink, middle shelf.” Rose interjected.

Jackie huffed. “Oh, give it here.” She snatched the phone from Mickey “What do you need?”

“Anything with vinegar!”

Jackie grabbed a jug from the sink and started pulling jars out of the cupboard. 

“Gherkins. Yeah, pickled onions. Pickled eggs.” She listed like the ingredients of an extremely disgusting cocktail. The eggs landed into the already mostly full jug with squelchy plops. Ianto couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose.

“And Rose kisses you?”

Mickey glared at him, but it was cut off as they were both thrown to the floor. The Slitheen burst in through the door with a roar, shoving the furniture and the two men roughly aside. Jackie threw the stinking vinegar mix onto the Slitheen as its arm swung towards her. It stopped, looking in confusion, then started to laugh. Ianto took the opportunity to grab the bat and scrambled to his feet, ready to swing if the vinegar didn’t work. Before he got the chance, the Slitheen shifted, quietened, then let out the loudest and longest fart any of them had ever heard, culminating in a bang as the Slitheen exploded, covering the three of them and the entirety of the kitchen in green alien goo. Ianto pulled a face as he scraped pieces of alien gunk out of his hair. “There goes another suit…” 

It took three showers for Ianto to be fully clean of the alien goo. His suit was ruined, bundled into a black bin bag as quickly as he could get it off. And so, twenty minutes after he had gone into the bathroom, he came out in a pair of surprisingly well fitting joggers and a t-shirt. Mickey had even leant him a hoodie. He stood in front of the mirror in the hallway as he put it on. It occurred to him that he hadn’t actually aged much since the first time he lived through 2005. In fact, if he squinted, he could still be the eighteen year old kid running from Wales to restart his life in London. He sighed, zipping up the hoodie and heading into the living room. He missed his suit.

Mickey and Jackie were sitting on the sofa, the tv still showing the BBC news. Ianto took a seat in the chair he had sat in before, gratefully taking the mug Jackie offered. It was nice, he thought, to have someone make him a drink. A good drink at that. After he offered his thanks, they turned back to the tv.

The three Slitheen stood in front of Downing Street, now back in their disguises as government officials. “Ladies and gentlemen, nations of the world, humankind. The greatest experts in extra-terrestrial events came here tonight. They gathered in the common cause, but the news I bring you now is grave indeed.”

“Listen to this.” Mickey moved Ianto’s phone, still connected to the call with Rose, close to the tv speaker so that they could hear the announcement. 

“The experts are dead,” Ianto shivered, remembering how close he had come to being one of those dead experts, “murdered right in front of me by alien hands. Peoples of the Earth, heed my words. These visitors do not come in peace. Our inspectors have searched the sky above our heads and they have found massive weapons of destruction capable of being deployed within forty five seconds.”

The Doctor frowned, shaking his head at the blatant lies. “What?”

“Our technicians can baffle the alien probes, but not for long. We are facing extinction, unless we strike first. The United Kingdom stands directly beneath the belly of the mother ship. I beg of the United Nations, pass an emergency resolution. Give us the access codes. A nuclear strike at the heart of the beast is our only chance of survival because from this moment on it is my solemn duty to inform you planet Earth is at war.”

The Doctor pushed off the table and went back to pacing. “He's making it up. There's no weapons up there, there's no threat. He just invented it.” 

“Do you think they'll believe him?”

“They did last time.” Rose said quietly.

“That's why the Slitheen went for spectacle. They want the whole world panicking, because you lot, you get scared, you lash out.” He stormed across the room as he spoke.

“They release the defence code…” Rose’s eyes widened as it dawned on her.

“And the Slitheen go nuclear.” 

“But why?”

The Doctor slammed his hand against the button on the wall and stood strong as the metal shutters opened. The Slitheen disguised as Margaret stood in the outer office, but she didn’t make any attempt to move closer. “You get the codes, release the missiles, but not into space because there's nothing there. You attack every other country on Earth. They retaliate, fight back. World War Three. Whole planet gets nuked.”

She smiled. “And we can sit through it safe in our spaceship waiting in the Thames. Not crashed, just parked. Only two minutes away.”

“But you'll destroy the planet, this beautiful place. What for?”

“Profit.” The Doctor answered Harriet’s question. “That's what the signal is beaming into space. An advert.”

“The sale of the century. We reduce the Earth to molten slag, then sell it piece by piece. Radioactive chucks, capable of powering every cut-price star liner and budget cargo ship. There's a recession out there, Doctor. People are buying cheap. This rock becomes raw fuel.”

“At the cost of five billion lives.” 

“Bargain.” Her tittering laugh was softly terrifying, a stark contrast to the Doctor’s calm fury.

“I give you a choice. Leave this planet or I'll stop you.”

“What, you? Trapped in your box?” She taunted, still chuckling to herself.

“Yes. Me.” The Doctor’s expression must’ve made some sort of impression on the woman, as her laugh faded and smile morphed into worry as the shutters closed back over the door and sealed the Doctor, Rose, and Harriet back in the cabinet room.

They sat in the living room silently, only the background noise of the tv filtering through the silence. They sat, the implications of the Slitheen’s plan rolling around in their heads. They sat, waiting for the Doctor to come up with a genius plan that could save them all. They sat, until Jackie broke through the quiet. “All right, Doctor. I'm not saying I trust you, but there must be something you can do.”

“If we could ferment the port, we could make acetic acid.” Harriet suggested, silently hoping no one would ask her how, as she honestly had no clue. No one did. They all already knew it couldn’t work.

“If we could just get out of here.” Rose sighed, still curled up in the chair she’d attempted to sleep in.

Ianto didn’t want to say it, but it had been the only thought running through his head as he racked his brain for any solution, however flimsy. It’s the option Jack would’ve taken; it’s the option Ianto would’ve told him to take. Surely the Doctor would know that the only reason he would say it was from necessity. “There's a way out, Doctor.”

Rose sat up. “What?”

“There's always been a way out.” He kept his voice soft, but from the sigh the Doctor let out, he knew the time lord understood him.

“Do you know what he’s talking about, Doctor?”

The Doctor nodded, finally looking up from his feet. HIs arms stayed crossed over his chest protectively as he leant against the shuttered window.

“Then why don't we use it?”

He moved forward, leaning on a back of a chair so that he could talk into the conference speaker, so that Jackie would definitely hear him. “Because I can't guarantee your daughter will be safe.”

“Don't you dare. Whatever it is, don't you dare.” Jackie shook her head vehemently.

“Jackie…” Ianto tried to put his hand on her arm but she shrugged him off.

“No, you gave him this idea. You’re just as bad as he is.”

Ianto knew it was true, but he also knew that someone had to make this choice, and if it was the earth or Rose, the earth or everyone currently in Downing Street, and the Doctor didn’t make this decision, Ianto would. He would have to. 

Jackie broke off her eye contact with Ianto when the Doctor spoke again. “That's the thing. If I don't dare, everyone dies.”

“Do it.” Rose’s voice was soft, but strong and determined and full of trust as she put her life in the hands of a 900 year old alien.

“You don't even know what it is. You'd just let me?”

“Yeah.”

Jackie’s eyes prickled with tears. “Please, Doctor. Please. She's my daughter. She's just a kid.”

“Do you think I don't know that? Because this is my life, Jackie. It's not fun, it's not smart, it's just standing up and making a decision because nobody else will.”

Rose stared, uncomprehending, at the Doctor from across the table. “Then what're you waiting for?” She had never thought of him as a self-centred person, more worried with his own safety than with the survival of the human race.

“I could save the world but lose you.” His eyes met hers and she understood. It wasn’t his safety, not his or Harriet’s or even the lives of the soldiers and reporters outside that was stopping him from making the same impossible decision that he had surely made hundreds of times before. It was her. The one thing standing between the world and safety was her. The tiniest of smiles appeared on his lips and–

“Except it's not your decision, Doctor. It's mine.” Rose had forgotten Harriet had even been in the room.

“And who the hell are you?” Jackie’s outraged voice came from the speaker.

“Harriet Jones, MP for Flydale North. The only elected representative in this room, chosen by the people for the people. And on behalf of the people, I command you. Do it.” 

The Doctor looked back at Rose and gave her that same grin he gave her every time they were about to run headlong into adventure, into danger, and Rose realised that as long as he just kept on grinning at her like that she would never be worried, no matter how many impossible situations they got themselves into, no matter how many times they scraped out of it by the skin of their teeth, no matter how many times he had to make that impossible decision. As long as he was smiling like that it would be worth it. And so she grinned back. 

Ianto sat down at Mickey’s desk, and never since joining the Doctor on the Tardis, had he missed Tosh so much as he did in that moment. She made it look so easy, and even though he knew the passwords, and needed to do nothing more than basic hacking to access the military website, his fingers shook with the weight of what he was about to do. He typed quickly, buffalo, two f’s one l, for each password prompt that came up. It let him through easily.

“What're you doing?” Jackie asked.

“Hacking into the Royal Navy.” Mickey pulled the phone from his mouth as he answered for Ianto, then lifted it back up to talk to the Doctor. “We're in.” He pointed to a link in the list on the screen and Ianto clicked on it. “Here it is. HMS Taurean, Trafalgar Class submarine, ten miles off the coast of Plymouth.”

“Right, we need to select a missile.” Ianto could just about hear the Doctor’s voice drifting from the phone.

“We can't go nuclear. We don't have the defence codes.” Mickey pointed out.

“We don't need it. All we need's an ordinary missile.”

“Sub Harpoon, UGM-A4A.” Ianto hovered the mouse over it, not needing the Doctor’s confirmation to know it was the right one. “That should work.” He knew it was the only thing- the right thing to do. He didn't need the Doctor’s support- if the Doctor suddenly backed out, he knew he would go through with it anyway- but he wanted it, he wanted to know that if this all went wrong he wasn’t the only one to blame. He wondered how Jack could do this with his whole team against him.

“Select.”

Ianto clicked and the screen changed to show the information on the missile, the options to set the target, to time the speed of flight, to fire. Ianto typed in the details necessary before he could chicken out, mistyping the coordinates twice from his nerves. Jackie argued with Mickey behind him.

“I could stop you.”

“Do it, then.”

Jackie's hand landed on top of his on the keyboard, her other coming to rest on his shoulder. She met his eyes beseechingly. "You don't have to do this. You don't have to do what he tells you to."

Ianto kept her eye contact as he lifted her hand off his and gently moved it away. "Even if he told me to stop, I wouldn't. This is the only option Jackie."

“You ready for this?” The Doctor asked Ianto.

“As ready as I can be.”

“Jones, Ianto Jones, the world is in your hands.”

And with that, Ianto pressed enter. The missile, hundreds of miles away, launched out of the sea spray and headed for London. But as dramatic as the scene would’ve been from the HMS Taurean, from Mickey’s flat on the edge of the Powell Estate, the only evidence of what they had just committed was a blinking light moving across a map of the UK.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to @hotchocolatedictator for their amazing essays of comments that probably have more thought put into them than we put into the actual fic! We've just reached the 120k mark with writing! It's now so large that we have three google docs to stop our laptops crashing :)  
> As always, we love all your comments and please if you wanna chat about the fic or Torchwood/Doctor Who in general don't be afraid to send either of us a message/ask on tumblr! @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez  
> This episode culminates on Sunday with Alien Hoaxes...  
> See you then!


	8. Alien Hoaxes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Gets a New Mum

Harriet pressed her hands against the metal covering their escape routes. “How solid are these?”

The Doctor shook his head, head hanging down between his arms as he leant on the chairs in front of him. “Not solid enough. Built for short range attack, nothing this big.” 

“All right,” The Doctor looked up with the tiniest sliver of hope at the sound of Rose’s voice. “Now I'm making the decision. I'm not going to die. We're going to ride this one out. It's like what they say about earthquakes. You can survive them by standing under a door frame.” She moved over to the cupboard in the corner of the room. “Now, this cupboard's small so it's strong.” She pushed at the doorframe and the walls as if to test it. “Come and help me. Come on.” She beckoned Harriet over and they got to work emptying the cupboard of anything loose that could hurt them if jostled around.

Ianto wished he could close out of the screen, shut down the computer and wash his hands of the whole ordeal. But he couldn’t. As soon as the missile was on radar, the military sent out defences to stop it.

“Counter defence five five six.” Mickey narrated as Ianto worked to stop the missile sent out to stop their own. 

“Stop them intercepting it.” The Doctor ordered over the phone

“He’s doing it now.” Ianto’s fingers flew over the keys, clicking rapidly as he stopped the counter defence. He pressed enter and the second missile dropped off the screen, veering off to explode harmlessly into empty ocean.

“Five five six neutralised.” Mickey reported. 

Ianto leant back in his seat, relaxing only slightly now his work was done. He took the phone off Mickey. “Doctor?” There was no reply, but there also wasn't the sound of the dial tone, so Ianto assumed he was still listening. “The missile will be there in four minutes thirty seven.” He paused. “You’re doing the right thing.”

Ianto heard a soft breath, a depreciating chuckle. “Thank you.” Then the dial tone sounded, and the three of them were left to wait.

The missile struck exactly four minutes and thirty seven seconds later. The slitheen, still squabbling in the Prime Minister’s office, where obliterated instantly, only chunks of slime left as any evidence of the near destruction of the human race at the hands of aliens. As the heat rolled down the building and air pressed against the walls, the front door, still being filmed by abandoned cameras left rolling on the street corner, blew off and caught flame, turning into a fireball that shot across the street. The building was levelled in an instant, an iconic symbol of the British government since 1735 reduced to crumbling beams and rubble by one simple press of a button. All that remained was the steel cupboard within the protected cabinet room, rolling down a heap of bricks before stopping, door falling open as it was unlocked by the soft buzz of a sonic device.

The Doctor pushed the door open, standing up and looking around at the disaster zone that surrounded them. He clambered out, turning back to help Rose out after him. Harriet Jones lifted herself out with a smile. “Made in Britain.” 

The General, who just hours earlier had tried to kill the Doctor under orders of the Slitheen, now hurried over in a panic. “Oh, my God. Are you alright?”

Harriet smoothed down the jacket of her pantsuit, brushing off the building dust. She straightened her back, got out her trusty ID, and launched into action. “Harriet Jones. MP, Flydale North. I want you to contact the UN immediately. Tell the ambassadors the crisis is over. They can step down. Go on, tell the news.”

The General stood to attention, arm snapping into a salute. “Yes, ma'am.” He hurried off to alert the United Nations.

Harriet turned to the Doctor and Rose. “Someone's got a hell of a job sorting this lot out. Oh, Lord. We haven't even got a Prime Minister!”

The Doctor shrugged easily, like he hadn’t just faced near death. “Maybe you should have a go.”

“Me? Ha.” She scoffed like it was the most impossible thing in the world, more so than Slitheen in Downing Street. “I'm only a back-bencher.” 

“I'd vote for ya.” Rose grinned.

“Now, don't be silly.” Harriet shook her head, then looked around at the surrounding mess. “Look, I'd better go and see if I can help.” She started to make her way down the pile of rubble, an impressive feat in her business heels. “Hang on!” She let out cries of victory as she made her way over to the newscasters, spreading hope with her as she went. “We're safe! The Earth is safe!”

Rose and the Doctor clambered down off the rubble after her, watching as she moved down the street to help in any way she could. A familiar figure in unfamiliar clothes sprinted down the street in the opposite direction, coming straight towards them.

“Rose! Doctor!” Ianto skidded to a stop in front of them and Rose jumped into his arms to hug him. He smiled, relief flooding his system as he realised he hadn’t killed his only acquaintances in this time, his only _friends_ in this time. After a few moments he pulled back. “Was that Harriet Jones you were with? _The_ Harriet Jones?”

“Sergeant!” The woman in question called out in the distance.

The Doctor nodded, all three of them turning to watch her. “I thought I knew the name. Harriet Jones, future Prime Minister. Elected for three successive terms. The architect of Britain's Golden Age.”

Ianto frowned. “Three terms?”

The Doctor nodded proudly.

“But she got voted out of office after her first term.” 

The Doctor frowned but didn't respond to Ianto, so they just kept on watching the future architect of Britain's Golden Age start her noteworthy career. 

Then suddenly, the Doctor began to wildly pat his pockets with no warning or explanation, leaving Ianto and Rose to stare in bemused confusion as his hands moved all over his jacket, searching every nook and cranny. “Aha!” He brought both his hands out of his pockets, a simple metal key on a chain, one gold, one silver, dangling in each hand. “Who wants gold and who wants silver?” 

“Gold,” Rose said at the same time as Ianto said, “Silver.”

The Doctor grinned as he handed them each a key. “Now you’re both proper Tardis travellers.” 

They both grinned back at him.

“Fantastic!”

Ianto and the Doctor slipped back into the Tardis as Rose ran up to her flat to see her mother. Rose was enveloped in a hug the minute she stepped in through the door, and they stood like that for a long time before Jackie eventually stopped crying and let go of her. She felt like a child again for those few precious minutes, standing, although she was now taller and had been for years, with her mother’s hand cradling the back of her head. With the warmth of her mum’s love surrounding her, the terrors of the past twenty four hours faded to nothing but a dull memory. All that mattered was that Rose was safe, and so was the world.

“Mankind stands tall, proud…” Harriet Jones spoke on tv. Her opening words after the crisis were being played on repeat on all the channels on the tv. If you got the right news channel, filming from the right angle, at just the right time, who could get a glimpse of a girl in a bright pink t-shirt, and two men, one in a leather jacket, the other in borrowed sweats, standing and watching from the rubble. And then the camera shifted just a tad, an interviewer leaned slightly too far forward, and the three figures were gone, never to be recognised or mentioned in any other way than that small second of footage. A second of footage that in the future will be poured over by others hunting for the Doctor and his companions, rewinded and broken down and blown up and printed out frame by frame. But as it was, the girl in the pink shirt, sitting curled up in a chair in an unsuspecting estate in London, didn’t even notice her brief feature on international news. 

Her mother walked into the room with a scoff. “Harriet Jones. Who does she think she is? Look at her, taking all the credit. Should be you on there. My daughter saved the world!” Jackie spoke the last sentence pointedly towards the tv.

“I think the Doctor and Ianto helped a bit.”

“All right, then. Them too.” She conceded, sitting on the well worn sofa. “You lot should be given knighthoods.”

“That's not the way he does things. No fuss. He just moves on.” Rose finally looked at her mum, a pointed glare. “He's not that bad if you gave him a chance.” 

“He's good in a crisis, I'll give him that. And I quite like that Welshman, even if he did try to kill you. He makes a good cuppa.”

“Oh, now the world has changed. You're saying nice things about them, even the Doctor!”

“Well, I reckon I've got no choice. There's no getting rid of him since you're infatuated.”

“I'm not infatuated.” Rose turned back to the tv, sounding for all the world like a teenager denying her crush. 

There were a few moments of comfortable silence as they both watched the news. 

“What does he eat?”

“How do you mean?”

“I was going to do shepherds pie. All of us. A proper sit down, 'cos,” she cleared her throat, “I'm ready to listen. I wanna learn about you and him and Ianto and that life you lead. Only, I don't know, he's an alien. For all I know, he eats grass and safety pins and things.”

“He'll have shepherd pie.” Rose raised an eyebrow. “You're going to cook for him?”

“What's wrong with that?” 

“He's finally met his match.”

“You're not too old for a slap, you know.” Rose couldn’t help but giggle. “You can go and visit your Gran tomorrow.” Jackie squeezed her shoulder as she headed into the kitchen. “You'd better learn some French. I told her you were in France. I said you were au-pairing.”

Rose hummed, half listening as she looked at her ringing phone. A small picture of the police box came up with Tardis as the contact name. “Hello?”

The Doctor didn’t bother with any pleasantries. “Right, I'll be a couple of hours, then we can go.”

“You've got a phone?”

The Doctor leant against the console, the receiver in one hand and the holding cradle in the other. The coiled wire seemed infinite, emerging from somewhere under the console and getting as long as the Doctor needed it to be to allow him to wander around the control room as he spoke. “You think I can travel through space and time and I haven't got a phone? Like I said, couple of hours. I've just got to send out this dispersal. There you go,” The garbled noises in the background stopped as the Doctor pressed a button on the console. “That's cancelling out the Slitheen's advert in case any bargain hunters turn up.”

“Er, my mother's cooking.”

“Good. Put her on a slow heat and let her simmer.”

Ianto snorted. He was under the grating, looking for a sponge and bucket he could use to get the graffiti off the side of the Tardis. There seemed to be everything under the sun buried down there under miles of cables. He stuck his head back up to share an amused look with the Doctor before going back to his hunt. As if by magic, a bucket with cleaning supplies nestled neatly inside sat, only a few feet away from him, when it definitely hadn’t been there before.

“She wants to get to know you.” Rose’s voice drifted through the Tardis speakers.

“Tough. I've got better things to do.”

“It's just tea.”

“Not to me it isn't.”

“She's my mother.” Rose was starting to sound more exasperated by the minute but the Doctor was just getting even more stubborn.

“Well, she's not mine. Or Ianto’s for that matter.”

“That's not fair.”

“Well, you can stay there if you want, but right now there's this plasma storm brewing in the Horsehead Nebula.” His voice went from petulant to his own special version of persuasive. No wheedling or pleading, just facts, said in such a way that there was no denying him. Ianto really didn’t think it was fair to Rose, but at the same time he was less than enthused about sitting through a Tyler family dinner. He didn’t even like sit down dinners with his own family. “Fires are burning ten million miles wide. I could fly the Tardis right into the heart of it then ride the shock wave all the way out. Hurtle right across the sky and end up…” The Doctor grinned. “Anywhere.” But then his voice got serious in an attempt of an ultimatum. “Your choice.” He hung up.

Ianto came out from under the grating. “You don’t need to try so hard to get her back on the Tardis.”

“I wasn’t–” Ianto cut him off with a signature dry look before heading outside to clean the Tardis.

Jackie, holding two mugs of tea, one made just how Rose liked it, followed the rustling noises into Rose’s bedroom, where the explosion of clothes from her now empty wardrobe were quickly being moved into a large rucksack.

“I was wondering whether he drinks or not. I’m assuming Ianto does. Young bloke like him, probably loves heading down the pub.”

Rose didn’t turn around or even pause her packing as she answered absentmindedly. “Yeah, he does.”

Jackie’s knuckles were beginning to burn from the heat radiating through the mugs, but she stood and watched as her daughter sorted her belongings into so that they could all fit in one neat little bag to be carried away. “Don't go, sweetheart. Please don't go.” 

Rose turned and looked at her mother for a long while, silently begging her to understand, before she turned around and continued to fill the bag with belongings.

Ianto knelt on the ground by the Tardis, scrubbing off the last of the white paint that used to spell Bad Wolf. Not for the first time he remarked on the weirdness of the phrase. But then again, what was weird when you travelled with an alien in a time machine.

Said alien chose that moment to stick his head out of the door of said time machine and peer down at Ianto. “Should’ve gotten Ricky the Idiot to give you a hand with it.”

Mickey scowled at the Doctor from his perch on top of a bin across the way.

Ianto stood, dropping the sponge into the bucket and brushing off his knees. He shrugged. “It’s his clothes getting dirty either way.” 

Mickey just rolled his eyes at Ianto’s comment, it being a lot more like friendly banter than the Doctor’s thinly veiled jealousy. He shook out the newspaper he was reading and folded it back to the front page. “I just went down the shop, and I was thinking, you know, like the whole world's changed. Aliens and spaceships all in public. And here it is.” He held it out so both the Doctor and Ianto could see the headline. Alien Hoax.

The Doctor walked over, hands in his pockets, and chuckled silently at an inside joke only he truly understood the depth of.

“How could they do that? They saw it.”

“They're just not ready. You're happy to believe in something that's invisible, but if it's staring you in the face, nope, can't see it. There's a scientific explanation for that. You're thick.” And despite the Doctor saying it straight to Mickey’s face, he laughed, for once sharing in the Doctor’s jokes rather than being the butt of it.

“We're just idiots.”

“Well, not all of you.” The Doctor smiled at Mickey, then glanced at Ianto, still leaning against the Tardis. Happy to just blend into the background and watch events unfold like he had no part in them.

The Doctor paused for a beat, then pulled a CD from his pocket and held it out. “Present for you, Mickey.”

Mickey took it, turning it over in his hands.

“That's a virus. Put it online. It'll destroy every mention of me. I'll cease to exist.”

“What do you want to do that for?”

“Because you're right, I am dangerous. I don't want anybody following me.”

“How can you say that and then take her with you?” Mickey nodded towards Rose. She was walking towards them with her mum, backpack over her shoulder like she was going on a gap year.

“You could look after her. Come with us.”

“I can't. This life of yours, it's just too much. I couldn't do it.” He looked back over at Rose. “Don't tell her I said that.” 

The Doctor shook his head and Mickey’s eyes drifted over his shoulder to meet Ianto’s. Ianto was surprised Mickey thought to check with him, but he shook his head softly as well, and Mickey’s shoulders finally relaxed.

“I'll get a proper job. I'll work weekends. I'll pass my test, and if Jim comes round again, I'll say no. I really will.”

Rose turned to her mum. “I'm not leaving because of you. I'm travelling, that's all, and then I'll come back.”

“But it's not safe.

“Mum, if you saw it out there you'd never stay home.” She smiled, then turned and took off her backpack as she headed towards the Doctor.

He raised an eyebrow at her bag. “Got enough stuff?”

“Last time I stepped in there, it was spur of the moment.” She shoved the bag into the Doctor’s arms and he stepped back with a small grunt. “Now I'm signing up. You're stuck with me.” She laughed teasingly and pointed at his surprised, but certainly not unhappy, expression as she backed away from him and towards Mickey. All the while Jackie glared at the Doctor with an expression that could curdle milk.

“Come with us.” Rose asked. “There's plenty of room.”

The Doctor interrupted Mickey as he scrambled for an excuse. “No chance. He's a liability, I'm not having him on board.”

“We'd be dead without him.”

“My decision is final.”

Rose looked at Ianto pleadingly, but he just shrugged as if to say ‘it’s out of my hands’.

Rose turned back to Mickey looking disappointed. “Sorry.”

Mickey just leant in to give a quick, if a tad awkward, kiss. “Good luck, yeah?”

Rose nodded, but she didn’t pull away in time to stop Jackie’s tirade against the Doctor.

“You still can't promise me. What if she gets lost? What if something happens to you, Doctor, and she's left all alone standing on some moon a million light years away. How long do I wait then?”

Ianto saw the Doctor’s face, and reckoned he’d seen the only force in the universe that could make the Doctor look as guilty and worried as a schoolboy in the headteacher’s office. And that force was Jackie Tyler.

“Mum, you're forgetting. It's a time machine…” 

As Rose soothed her mother, Ianto walked over to Mickey to say goodbye to the man he’d found a strange sort of friendship with, one bonded through fear and teamwork. He held his hand out for the other man to shake, but Mickey grasped it and pulled him into a quick hug, clapping him on the back twice as Ianto did the same, before pulling away. “Keep her safe, yeah?”

“I will.” Ianto nodded. “Thanks for the clothes.”

“Course, mate. They suit you, make you look less like a middle aged accountant.”

Ianto laughed, and the other man clapped him on the arm before Ianto rejoined the Doctor by the Tardis.

“See you in ten seconds' time, yeah?” Rose pulled Jackie into a hug, a distraction the Doctor happily used to sneak quickly back into the Tardis without another confrontation. Rose smiled as she pulled away, waving to Mickey as she stepped through the door. 

Ianto made to follow her but Jackie caught his arm. He turned, expecting some rant about how he’d put her life in danger, and instead was met with a worried look. “You stay safe too, okay? No running after any more aliens with just a bat. And make sure to text, let me know how you’re all doing. God knows Madam over there won’t.”

“I will.” Ianto floundered, his comment almost a question, as Jackie dragged him into a tight motherly hug. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been hugged like that. Maybe it was from Gwen, after the incident with the cannibals. Although that wasn’t quite the same. 

Jackie gave him a sad but genuine smile once she’d pulled away. Her hands were still on his arms, holding him at arm's length so she could see him properly. Ianto smiled awkwardly back, then pulled away. 

He turned, picking up the bucket on his way back to the Tardis. He passed Rose, still standing in the doorway, as he slipped inside. She gave the Powell Estate, her home for nineteen years, one last look before shutting the Tardis door behind them.

Jackie and Mickey watched as the Tardis dematerialised in front of them. As soon as it was gone, Jackie looked at her watch, counting down the seconds one at a time. She sighed. “Ten seconds.” A few more, half hopeful seconds passed before she gave Mickey a disappointed shrug and went back inside. 

Mickey stayed, looking at the space where the Tardis had once been, before returning to his vigil on top of the red bin in the corner, his newspaper now folded on his lap and his eyes, no longer worried by the alien ‘hoaxes’ on earth, moved upwards, past the puddles on the floor and the graffitied walls of the estate, up past the balconies and windows, up to the small twinkling lights of the stars, the few visible through the light pollution in the middle of London, bursting bravely through like dandelions through pavement cracks. 

He looked up, and he understood how extraordinary Rose felt out there, running, exploring, defending the universe. But for all that understanding, Mickey Smith was very happy to simply sit, on an ordinary bin, in an ordinary estate, and live his ordinary life. Because sometimes, there’s nothing more extraordinary than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note from Remi: pls don't expect the rest of our chapter endings to be so profound. most if not all of them are not.  
> And that's the end of the Slitheen arc! (for now...) Thank you all so much for your kudos and comments, we love reading them! Starting next week Remi will be writing the chapters and responding to comments but as always you can chat to either of us on tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez :)  
> Wednesday's chapter: Dalek!


	9. Dalek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Gets a New Grandma

Following the Doctor out of the Tardis, Ianto paused his step and surveyed his surroundings. He sniffed the air softly, taking in a smell of stale musk and dust, something not too dissimilar to the smell of his old archives at Torchwood Three. The lighting was dim and he couldn’t see far into the corridor they found themselves in, but he could see glass cabinets close by holding various different objects on display.

“So what is it? What's wrong?” Rose asked, watching the Doctor closely for a reply.

“Don't know. Some kind of signal drawing the Tardis off course.”

“Where are we?”

“Earth. Utah, North America. About half a mile underground.”

Ianto cut in. “And when are we?”

“Two thousand and twelve.” The Doctor turned to study one of the display cases.

“God, that's so close,” Rose said. “So I should be twenty six.”

“And I would be 29,” Ianto contributed, trying to push down the thoughts of his likelihood of making it to that age. It was a well known fact that it was rare for Torchwood agents to reach their 30s- so was there even a version of him alive in Cardiff? Presuming that the Doctor managed to get him back, that was, which wasn’t a certainty in any case. Perhaps he should hop over now- take a plane back to Wales and explain what had happened. But then he thought of returning to a team who were nearly half a decade older than before, or returning to find half the team dead and replaced with new workers. Or even, his traitorous brain provided, returning to find Jack hanging on the arms of someone new- the replacement archivist, maybe. No. The Doctor would bring him back when he figured out a way to do so and return him to the date he left, no earlier and no later.

“Blimey,” Rose exclaimed as a light turned on in the room, illuminating the rest of the corridor. “It's a great big museum.”

“An alien museum. Someone's got a hobby.” The Doctor began to walk down, staring at different exhibits. “They must have spent a fortune on this. Chunks of meteorite, moon dust. That's the milometer from the Roswell spaceship.”

Ianto looked at the circular metal plate and chunk of meteorite, his inner archivist dying to get out and examine each piece. Torchwood would have a field day with all of the technology stored here, and judging by the fact that they were a mile underground this surely wasn’t the only floor.

“That's a bit of Slitheen! That's a Slitheen's arm. It's been stuffed.” Rose called, but Ianto’s eyes had been caught by something else. Something metallic and silver and all too familiar to him.

He walked over, placing a hand close to, but not touching the glass as he stared into the decapitated face of a Cyberman. It didn’t matter that the design looked far older and less like the version he had encountered before- the teardrop eyes and dead look was filling his head with images of the brutal slaughter from Canary Wharf. The screams of his workmates rang through his head as he stared, transfixed on the creature, not taking in anything the Doctor was saying as he reached his side and joined him.

“Ianto.” He finally heard Rose say, the words only getting through to him due to her touch on his shoulder. He turned his pained eyes to look at her.

“Lisa.” He whispered, his heart feeling like it would break in two all over again as memories of her half converted body attacked his mind. He blinked, trying to rid himself of them.

“Who’s Lisa?” Rose repeated, pulling his shoulder back so that he was facing her and not the head in the glass on display. It seemed to shake Ianto enough from his fixation as he coughed and began to speak again.

“She was my girlfriend,” He spoke shakily, trying to swallow down the lump that had appeared in his throat. There was no need to get so emotional about a Cyberman head when he had come to terms with her death over a year ago now. He felt stupid, standing in front of Rose and the Doctor and acting like  _ this. _

“Girlfriend? Is she-?” Rose asked before Ianto, shaking his head, interrupted her.

“Dead.” He stated. “The creatures- these Cybermen, they-”

He broke off, knowing if he finished the sentence he would no doubt burst into tears and he was  _ better  _ than that.

“You’ve seen Cybermen before?” The Doctor asked him, astonished.

“Yes, but I can’t say when. I’m pretty sure it's in your future.” He weakly smiled. “But it’s in my past. Years ago now.”

Rose offered him a kind, apologetic smile. She wasn’t aware of what these creatures were but even the sight of just the head was enough to send a chill down her spine.

“Doctor, is that where the signal is coming from?” Ianto asked.

“No, don’t worry- it's stone dead. The signal's alive. Something's reaching out, calling for help.” He placed one of his hands on the glass cabinet then reeled back as an alarm began to blare out. Within seconds armed guards were surrounding them from all angles, guns pointed in their faces. 

“If someone’s collecting aliens, that makes you Exhibit A.”

“And this is the last. Paid eight hundred thousand dollars for it.”

The Doctor, Rose and Ianto stood silently, guards still pointing the barrels of their guns into the smalls of their backs in warning. They had been chivied into an office on one of the higher levels in the building, the lift they were forced into taking a long few minutes to rise and reach its destination. Ianto had counted fifty levels before his brain had lost track of the noises of the whirring machinery. They were now standing in front of a glass desk in a well furnished room, presumably owned by the man sitting lazily in his chair by the center of the table. Ianto didn’t know if it was the thick mustache, the icy eyes or the sharp eyebrows that did it, but he had no doubt that the man wasn’t any sort of honorable or genuine guy- in fact, he felt the opposite. The younger man standing next to him, who had previously spoken in an English accent, looked less like he wouldn’t hesitate to kill a man if it would bring him personal gain; he instead had a natural curiosity about him. Ianto could see the want for knowledge behind his eyes as he gazed at the piece of technology he was trying to explain to the other man.

“What does it do?” The boss demanded in an annoying American drawl.

“Well, you see the tubes on the side? It must be to channel something. I think maybe fuel.” He replied, seeming uncomfortable with the way his boss’s grubby hands turned it over with no care.

“I really wouldn't hold it like that.” The Doctor butted in.

“Shut it.” The woman from beside them snapped. She had walked in with them when they had entered the room, standing close by and obviously holding a higher position of power than the guards in the room. Again, Ianto got the distinct impression that he didn’t want to get on her bad side.

“Really, though, that's wrong.” The Doctor said, obviously not fearing the woman at all.

“Is it dangerous?” The English boy asked.

“No, it just looks silly.” The Doctor moved forwards, reaching out his hand as if to take the item off them but stopped short when the noise of multiple guns cocking rang out throughout the room. He tensed, but wasn’t too surprised to see the boss stand slowly and reach across to hand the item to him.

“You just need to be…” He moved his hands gently over the metallic looking object, fingers caressing it slowly until it began to ring out a high pitched, melodic note. He continued to brush it and various different pitches were released, everyone in the room transfixed on the noise. “...Delicate.” He finished.

“It's a musical instrument.” The moustachioed man said in wonder, his eyes shining.  _ Definitely the one in charge of the collection,  _ Ianto thought.

“And it's a long way from home.”

“Here, let me.” He said, snatching the instrument off the Doctor like he was a toddler who thought he had a right to take the toys away from other children. He started to play with it, his fingers moving far too clumsily around the item and producing only static-like hisses.

“I did say ‘delicate’. It reacts to the smallest fingerprint. It needs precision.” The Doctor helped, watching as the man listened to him and began to move his fingers less erratically. Soon it was humming the familiar noise the Doctor had managed to make it produce.

“Very good. Quite the expert.” The Doctor congratulated, Ianto only picking up on the slight edge of sarcasm in his voice because of the time he had spent around the Time Lord.

“As are you.” The man smiled, then tossed the object carelessly onto the floor to his left. The Doctor frowned but didn’t say anything, knowing when to pick his battles (and considering he had multiple guns trained on him currently, this wasn’t the time.)

“Who exactly are you?”

“I'm the Doctor. And who are you?”

“Like you don't know. We're hidden away with the most valuable collection of extra-terrestrial artefacts in the world, and you just stumbled in by mistake.” He said, clearly unimpressed with the group.

“We’re Torchwood.” Ianto quickly butted in, knowing he had his ID in his suit pocket as proof. Surely an establishment with this many alien artefacts inside, though in the US, would know of Torchwood? Whilst being based in the UK, they had links and were known to governments and countries all across the globe.

It seemed that the boss had heard of them, if his frown and narrowing eyes were anything to go by. “Torchwood?”

“Torchwood Three, actually. We’re here to investigate a signal of alien origin that cropped up on our Mainframe.” He continued, ignoring the pinch that he got from the Doctor on his right.

“Thank you, Ianto-” The Doctor began to try to take over but closed his mouth at a wave of the boss’s hand. His eyes were still fixed on the Welshman.

“Ianto…?”

“Jones. Ianto Jones.” He finished, reaching into his pocket to pull out his ID. He froze when guns cocked. “Can I get out my identification?”

With another wave of his hand the guards moved their guns back and Ianto continued, passing his old card to the man. He indicated the two people he was with. “This is Agent Rose Tyler and the Doctor. They’re temporary consultants,” He lied. “Don’t have any ID on them.”

“Convenient.” The man fixed his eyes on his laptop in front of him, typing quickly as he focused his attention on both the device and Ianto speaking. After a minute he let out a groan. “Damn Torchwood. Can’t get through your security.”

Ianto smiled smugly, thinking of Tosh back in Cardiff and the advanced security protocols she had spent months perfecting. He couldn’t imagine what they would be like now, years later with even greater advances in technology. “Well, at Torchwood we do tend to take our security levels seriously. Wouldn’t want just anyone getting into our data.”

The boss gave them a look. ”The question is, how did you get in? Fifty three floors down, with your little ‘consultants’. She’s quite pretty, actually,” He said, pointing at Rose. “You consult him for the brains and her for the beauty?”

“Her consulting opinion is that calling her ‘she’ will land you with a smack, if you don’t shut up.” She bristled, not liking the tone he was using. He laughed.

“She's English too! Hey, little Lord Fauntleroy. Got you a girlfriend.”

The English boy looked at them, the frustration in his eyes evident despite his reluctance to speak out against his boss. “This is Mister Henry Van ,.” 

“And who's he when he's at home?” Rose asked.

“Mister Van Statten owns the internet.” The boy said plainly, as if talking about the weather.

“Don't be stupid. No one owns the internet.”

“And let's just keep the whole world thinking that way, right kids?” Van Statten grinned, his expression fixed on them like he dared any one of them to question him. Ianto rolled his eyes.

“You evidently don’t own Torchwood’s internet.” He pointed out, enjoying the snort he heard from Rose. However, the steely glare he got in response from Van Statten was enough to make him want to bite back his words. The boss reached over his desk and pressed a button.

“Send Carter up to my office. Some Torchwood employee who thinks he’s pretty smart needs to be given a tour of the archives.” He ordered, catching eyes with Ianto who folded his arms. Van Statten straightened up, effectively ending the call. He gestured towards Rose and the Doctor. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d prefer to keep these two nearby. If they have no ID I can hardly trust them to be let loose in my building, right?”

“I can personally vouch for them.” Ianto tried, only to be cut off by a sharp bark of a laugh.

“But you’re forgetting that I own this place. You might be used to getting everything you want in the UK, but we’re in America. I’m the boss.”

The heated glare they found themselves stuck in was only broken by the Doctor speaking. “It’s fine, Ianto. I’d like to get to know Mr Van Statten a little better anyway.”

Van Statten turned back to Ianto. “I’m afraid we don’t have any Scottish workers here, so an American will have to do. Apologies for that.” He said with no trace of apology in his voice.

“I’m not Scottish, I’m Welsh.” Ianto all but growled.

He was luckily interrupted by a knock on the door. A burly, 6 foot tall man walked into the room, eyes stone cold. He looked menacing. Ianto gulped.

“Carter, great. Take Ianto down to the archives and show him everything he wants- except the cage. That’s off limits.” Van Statten instructed. Carter grunted in acceptance, placing a large hand on Ianto’s shoulder and guiding him a little too forcefully towards the exit of the room.

“I’ll catch up with you later-” Ianto called to the others weakly before he was pushed into the lift again.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Van Statten turned to one of the guards who had been guarding Ianto. Judging by the fact that the man in custody wasn’t in the room anymore, the boss reasoned that he could use him to relay a message to his head of security on site. “Oi- you.” He spoke, pointing at the guard rudely. “Go down to security and get them to hack into Torchwood Three’s data. I want to know any information about this Ianto Jones.”

The guard nodded and walked out, leaving Van Statten to turn his attention to Rose and the Doctor instead. “Best hope your friend isn’t lying, eh?”

“I can assure you he isn’t.” The Doctor smiled back, the happy expression not meeting his eyes which stared threateningly into the boss’s own. “So. You mentioned something called ‘The Cage’?”

Ianto resisted the urge to squirm and fidget as the lift slowly descended through the levels of the building. As with Torchwood’s archives, it appeared the most important artefacts were kept as low as possible, which unfortunately gave Ianto a lot of time to awkwardly stand in the presence of the burly guard.

“So.” He grunted after a moment, not looking at Ianto. “You’re Torchwood, boss says?”

“Yes. Torchwood Three.” Ianto replied, trying to keep his voice neutral.

“You think you own this place?”

Ianto tensed. “I’m sorry?”

“Do you think, because you’re Torchwood, that you own this place?” He repeated. “That you can order us around? That because of your status you can show up and start sticking your nose into our business?”

“No, I’m just here to investigate a-”

“Because I’ll tell you something,” He interrupted, not letting Ianto speak. If it wasn’t for the gun the Welshman would have let his anger at the dismissal show, but with a large and intimidating man getting mad at him he thought it better to play the part of a complacent, obedient guest. “We own this place. There’s a lot of tech down there that’s quite deadly to humans. You put one foot out of line, ask one question too many and I’m sure we can arrange for quite the happy accident to happen. Capeesh?”

Ianto gulped, feeling the steely glare of the guard meet his own. He nodded quickly. Thankfully, a moment later the lift made a bell sound and the doors swung open to reveal the deepest archives Van Statten owned.

To say he wasn’t expecting this the sight in front of him as he left the elevator would have been an understatement and a half. The lights were bright, illuminating far into the distance of the vast floor, showing rows of incredibly symmetric, perfectly systematic corridors. Above each aisle he could see alphabetical signs indicating the level of organisation employed here, and above each of  _ those  _ signs he could see headings dictating the nature of the artefacts hidden within them.  _ “Culture”, “Medical”, “Texts”-  _ and by far the largest section, spanning the entire North section of the archives he could see:  _ “Unknown”.  _ Ianto was practically purring in delight as he took in the sight of an entirely organised archive of data, his fingers twitching at his side at the thought of exploring the records held here.

“Level Zero is where we keep all unidentified items before they are analysed and sent to other floors.” Carted explained monotonously to Ianto, unaware of the awe settled in the Welshman. “Floors One through Five hold usable weaponry, Six through Eight hold unusable weaponry-”

Ianto tuned the guard out, still raking his eyes across the archives in front of him. He felt he could spend weeks on this floor alone, judging by the fact that he couldn’t even see the end of any corridor from where he was standing. His eyes left the hallways as he saw movement in the right of his vision. He turned and saw an old looking woman walking towards them, a warm smile spreading through the defined lines on her face and reaching her dark eyes, which shone with an intelligence Ianto could not ignore, even from his position further away from her. Her thin white hair indicated that she had been around for a while, but it was juxtaposed with the purposeful way she strode across the floor towards them. From beside him Ianto could sense the guard standing up straighter, and he got the impression that the woman held authority over him.

“Now, that’s a face belonging to someone who knows the hidden art of categorisation.” She said, her voice deep yet warm. She turned to Carter, a frown on her face. “You’re no good at guided tours, Carter. Head on back to floor Four, I know you prefer working with the weapons.”

“Ma’am.” He nodded. “Van Statten instructed no access to ‘The Cage’.”

“Of course he did. Though, he barely lets me in there- I suppose because he doesn’t dare hear  _ my  _ opinions on what he’s doing there.” She muttered. “Go on then- shoo. Get back to your guns!”

Carter turned around and walked back into the lift, closing the doors and leaving Ianto alone with the woman in front of him. Though still in an unfamiliar situation (and without either Rose or the Doctor to make him feel more at ease) he didn’t find himself worried. In fact, he felt the opposite. Perhaps it was the excitement of seeing the archives, or Carter’s gun no longer being pressed into his back, or maybe the fact that the woman’s grey hair matched the colour of his own late Nan’s hair exactly.

“Now that he’s out the way,” She spoke, flashing Ianto a brilliant smile which aided his sense of ease, and proceeded to hold her hand out for him to shake. “My name is Sally Hays- but please, it’s Sally to everyone who knows me.”

Ianto took her hand, shaking it and being unsurprised by the firm grasp she had. Though Sally looked well into her sixties, she gave off an air of complete control. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Sally. I’m Ianto Jones, from Torchwood Three.” He responded in turn.

“Torchwood,” She mused. “Now there’s a name I haven’t encountered for a good many years. I doubt you were born when we last had a visit from one of you.”

“I can’t tell why we haven’t visited recently. The Archives at Three would greatly benefit if we knew the secret of keeping it  _ this  _ organised.” He flattered, eliciting a nice laugh from Sally.

“Flattery will get you everywhere, my dear,” She joked. “But surely you're not the kind of person who neglects their own records? I know an Archivist when I see one, Ianto.”

He smiled bashfully. “I do my best. But it would help if my coworkers were able to read the signs I put up rather than ignoring my system when they place ‘A’ files in the ‘Z’ section.”

“Oh, damn coworkers!” Sally remarked, shaking her head fondly. “I know just what it’s like to work with those sorts. Mr Van Statten is certainly good at giving out orders, but I don’t trust him to know his left from right.”

Ianto laughed good-naturedly. “I take it you’re the real one in charge down on this floor, then?”

“I’d like to think so,” Sally answered. “I’ve been working here for fifty-two years now- nearly as long as the company itself has been around.”

Ianto gawked, before he realised that his mouth was hanging open and remembered his manners. “Fifty years?” He asked, incredulously.

“As of next month, yes. Not that I’m expecting a party or anything,” She trailed off, a rueful smile on her face.

“And you’ve never wanted to leave?”

“Leave the rest of this lot to sort out the Archive themselves? Not likely, sunshine.” She laughed, though Ianto could sense a hint of sourness in the laugh. If her job was anything like his then he could only imagine how hard it would be to go fifty years with no proper appreciation for the important work she did.

“Now- where did you want to begin?” She asked, breaking him out of his thoughts. Ianto looked between the different sections, his brain focusing unsurprisingly on the  _ “Unknown”.  _ It would be the most likely section to have a distress signal the Tardis could find, and if there was anything there that he recognised from his own dealings at Torchwood he would be more than happy to help identify anything. Sally followed his gaze and nodded. “Right, “ _ Unknown”  _ it is. Let me show you the beauty of my Archive, Ianto Jones.”

“You are an enemy of the Daleks! You must be destroyed!”

The Doctor paled, realising that his pounding and shouting on the door of the ‘Cage’ wasn’t going to get him anywhere. He had convinced Van Statten to let him visit their highest-security room, and had realised the second the captured alien spoke that he had to get out of the room. As expected, Van Statten was not letting him out despite his screaming to get away from the room. The creature in front of him was pointing it’s weapon directly at him, twitching as it screeched it’s robotic voice. The Doctor paused, looking between the Dalek and it’s weapon.

”It's not working.” He breathed, stepping back from the door and regarding the Dalek. A grin spread across his face as he saw the broken, twisted metal the blaster was made out of and he began to laugh.

“Fantastic! Oh, fantastic!” He cried, his face changing from glee into a look of rage. “Powerless! Look at you. The great space dustbin. How does it feel?”

“Keep back!” The Dalek exclaimed, moving backwards as the Doctor raced forwards. He stood barely twenty centimeters away from the eyepiece, staring directly into its eye.

“What for? What're you going to do to me?” He shouted. Moving back, he began to prowl around the creature as if he was stalking his prey. Hatred and smug satisfaction raced through his body. “If you can't kill, then what are you good for, Dalek? What's the point of you? You're nothing. What the hell are you here for?”

“I am waiting for orders.” It replied. A spike of fear flew through the Doctor and despite the way this particular Dalek couldn’t bring harm to anybody here, he couldn’t speak for any other Daleks out there. The Tardis had caught onto the distress signal that it had been sending out, but if it managed to reach any other Daleks… No. The Daleks were dead and gone- he had seen to that _personally_.

“What does that mean?”

“I am a soldier. I was bred to receive orders.”

“Well you're never going to get any. Not ever.” The Doctor said, mocking the creature before him.

“I demand orders!” It screeched, leaving the Time Lord to shake his head in bewilderment.

“They're never going to come! Your race is dead! You all burnt, all of you. Ten million ships on fire. The entire Dalek race wiped out in one second.”

“You lie!” It said, its voice almost shaking with the closest thing to emotion that the Doctor had ever heard come from a Dalek.

“I watched it happen- I  _ made  _ it happen!” He shouted in its face.

“You destroyed us?”

The Doctor froze at the words the creature spoke. His mind reeled, the adrenaline of being in a room with an unarmed Dalek finally wearing off as the atrocity he had committed filled his mind again. He walked backwards, suddenly not wanting to look at the creature in front of him.

“I had no choice.”

“And what of the Time Lords?” The Dalek asked slowly.

“Dead. They burnt with you. The end of the last great Time War.” He paused, images attacking his mind which he had tried to keep down for many years now. “Everyone lost.”

“And the coward survived.”

Rage once again filled the Doctor’s veins. “Oh, and I caught your little signal,” He spoke, his voice sickly sweet with ridicule. “‘Help me.’ Poor little thing. But there's no one else coming 'cause there's no one else left.”

“I am alone in the universe.” If The Doctor didn’t know the Dalek race better he would’ve thought there was some sorrowful note of depression to its tone.

“Yep.”

“So are you.” It croaked, and the Time Lord realised with a jolt that it was right. He was alone in the universe, just as this Dalek was the last survivor of its own species. “We are the same.”

He whipped his head around, facing the Dalek with rage on his face. ”We're not the same! I'm not-” He seethed, and then paused. “No, wait. Maybe we are. You're right. Yeah, okay. You've got a point. 'Cause I know what to do. I know what should happen. I know what you deserve.  _ Exterminate _ .”

From the control desk at the side of the room, the Doctor reached over and pulled the lever all the way down. Electricity began to jolt through the metal creature, and a horrible wailing noise was coming straight out of its mouth. The Doctor watched on as he caused the creature pain- the feeling an inescapable high as he knew that his enemy was finally getting the comeuppance it deserved after a life spent torturing and killing others.

“Have pity!” It begged, but the Doctor ignored it.

“Why should I? You never did.” He pulled another lever down, increasing the levels of electricity running through its body.

_ “Help me!” _

Guards suddenly burst into the room, running over to subdue the Doctor and shut the torture off. Van Statten walked in, eyes fixed on the creature in front of him which had finally spoken to somebody.

“I saved your life. Now talk to me. Goddammit, talk to me!” He shouted, entirely frustrated when the Dalek stayed silent like before.

“You've got to destroy it!” The Doctor warned as he was dragged from the room.

“The last in the universe. And now I know your name. Dalek. Speak to me, Dalek.” His voice changed from a quiet, almost whispering noise to a loud, demanding order. “I am Henry van Statten, now recognise me!” Once more the Dalek ignored him. “Make it talk again, Simmons. Whatever it takes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello for the first proper time from Remi!!! I hope you enjoyed the first part of Dalek (fun fact, this is the 2nd longest episode out of the many we have written so far, so you have two more long chapters to enjoy yet!)   
> Instead of Lauren, I shall be replying to all of your comments (which we love love love!!!), and you can always contact us on Tumblr too at @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez :D  
> Next chapter: An Archive of Possibilities out on Friday  
> Ps can anybody actually tell the difference between our writing styles? just out of interest!!


	10. An Archive of Possibilities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Appreciates a Good Archive

Rose found herself in an eclectic little lab room: an average sized work room with various different interesting instruments scattered around on surfaces. A yellow light overhead cast the room into a glow, but the room felt all too warm for her.

“Sorry about the mess. Mister Van Statten sort of lets me do my own thing, so long as I deliver the goods,” The boy- Adam, as he had introduced himself- spoke, while she made her way across the room, trying to take in what was there. “What do you think that is?”

She turned towards him, walking closer to the desk towards his outstretched arm. He was holding a triangular piece of metal only an inch or so thick. She regarded it, having no idea what it was but feeling sure that Adam would explain to her exactly his thoughts on it. She hadn’t failed to notice the way he had blushed as he had been instructed to watch over her, and was certain the Englishman wouldn’t fail to try to impress her when given the opportunity.

She decided to act dumb. “Er, a lump of metal?”

“Yeah. Yeah, but I think, well, I'm almost certain, it's from the hull of a spacecraft.” He paused, as if waiting on Rose for a reaction. To placate him, she raised an eyebrow and put a bit of disbelief into her expression. It seemed to work, as he then continued with his explanation. “The thing is, it's all true. Everything the United Nations tries to keep quiet, spacecraft, aliens, visitors to Earth. They really exist.”

“That's amazing.” She said, trying not to think of how Adam would react to knowing that the Doctor was a living, walking alien.

“I know it sounds incredible, but I honestly believe the whole universe is just teeming with life.”

“I'm gobsmacked, yeah,” She grinned, fiddling with the hair behind her ear. “And you do what, sit here and catalogue it?"

“Best job in the world.” He said, enthused enough to let Rose know that he spoke truthfully. He seemed to be enamoured with the extra-terrestrial, and something inside Rose made her want to break into tales of the planets and lifeforms she had seen since travelling with the Doctor. As it was she kept quiet, knowing it wasn’t her place to explain.

“Imagine if you could get out there. Travel amongst the stars and see it for real.”

“Yeah, I'd give anything. I don't think it's ever going to happen. Not in our lifetimes.” He frowned, failing to hide the obvious look of longing and disappointment.

“Oh, you never know. What about all those people who say they've been inside of spaceships and things and talked to aliens?”

Adam nonchalantly sipped his mug of coffee. “I think they're nutters.”

“Yeah, me too,” Rose lied, breaking off into slightly awkward laughter which Adam joined in with. “So, how'd you end up here?”

“Van Statten has agents all over the world looking for geniuses to recruit.”

Rose raised an eyebrow. “Oh, right. You're a genius.”

“Sorry, but yeah. I can't help it. I was born clever,” He said sheepishly, trying not to grin. Rose couldn’t tell whether he was playfully flirting with her or just stating the arrogant truth. She supposed it could be a mix of both. “When I was eight, I logged onto the US Defence System. Nearly caused World War Three.”

“What, and that's funny, is it?”

“Well, you should've been there just to see them running about. Fantastic!” He laughed, and Rose was heavily reminded of the Doctor as he said his last word.

“You sound like the Doctor.” She aired her thoughts.

“Are you and him-?” Adam asked, his grin falling slightly as he blinked quickly.  _ Definitely flirting,  _ Rose mused.

“No, we're just friends.” She quickly answered.

Adam nodded and stared at her. “Good.” 

“Why is it good?” She asked, smirking lightly.

“It just is.” He smiled softly as he spoke, his slightly bashful expression betraying exactly what he was thinking.

Rose decided it would best to change the subject. She walked round the desk so that she was closer to him, confident that she now had him under her thumb and would probably be able to get him to answer any question she had about the company. “So, wouldn't you rather be downstairs? I mean, you've got these bits of metal and stuff, but Mister Van Statten's got a living creature down there.”

“Yeah. Yeah, well, I did ask, but he keeps it to himself,” He said, frowning slightly before his eyes began to twinkle. “Although, if you're a genius, it doesn't take long to patch through on the comm. system.”

“Let's have a look, then.” She flashed him another bright smile, not quite believing how simple it had been to get him to show her the company’s biggest secret.  _ Men _ , she thought.  _ Anything to impress a girl. _

He began to type into his computer, pulling up lines of black and white text as he made his way through the security of the defenses. “It doesn't do much, the alien. It's weird. It's kind of useless. It's just like this great big pepper pot.”

The screen fizzled as it suddenly changed to show a dark room. Rose narrowed her eyes as she tried to work out what was going on. She saw a man in an orange protective suit walk up to a metallic creature, drilling into the alien as it let out a terrible screaming noise.

“It's being tortured- where's the Doctor?” She cried out in worry. She couldn’t imagine her friend would be happy to see the way they were treating their captured guest.

“I don't know.”

“Take me down there now.” Rose decided, walking quickly towards the door and not giving Adam a chance to argue with her.

The Archives which Ianto found himself being shown around were nothing like anything he had seen before, not at Torchwood Three and not even at Canary Wharf, where there were specific teams dedicated to archiving. He marvelled at the tablet-like device which Sally carried around with her, watching in fascination as it changed with their movement between parts of the collection. They had just unlocked the heavily electronically secured doors which led to the ‘Unknown’ archive and had taken a step forward.

Ianto felt his mouth hang open. There were shelves and shelves of items, reaching as far as his eyes could see, each one hosting carefully separated and labeled items. Some were big, industrial looking devices which were kept on the lower, larger shelves, but as he looked up he could see them gradually decrease in size. Some on the highest shelves seemed to be disobeying gravity, the ceiling above them the only thing keeping them from floating off this floor of the building.

“We currently have 2,309 items in the ‘Unknown’ Archive. Taking into account the other items on this floor, the ones we don’t know the true purpose of but have an idea of the type of technology they may be, we have a total of 3,904.” Sally explained, flicking through data on the tablet she held.

“That’s incredible,” Ianto sighed. His eyes were drawn to the device which was showing a blue, three-dimensional version of the closest object on their left. “What’s that device?”

Sally looked up at him. “It’s something our technician, Adam, made for us. It holds a catalogue of every item in this building and the electronic data about it. No need for sheets of paper when we have a device holding it all for us.”

She showed him the screen and Ianto noted the box in the corner, something he hadn’t been able to see until he had been given a clearer look. It stated the date ‘06/04/1986’ as well as a small bit of information about the location it was found in and what it was. Being in the ‘Unknown’ archive, Ianto wasn’t surprised to see the little information held on the object. “But what happens if the device gets destroyed?”

She laughed. “Oh, don’t worry about that. Everything inside it is saved to some kind of cloud- that’s what Adam described it as, anyway. Backups have been made, and we have a few more of these models to go around yet.”

Ianto nodded. “That makes sense. It’s an innovative idea- I shall have to see if I can get something similar set up at Torchwood.”

“Talk to Adam about it later, I’m sure he’d be more than happy to explain how it works. He does like to show off, that boy.” She spoke fondly, the smile on her face leaving Ianto with the distinct impression that she and Adam were closer than he thought.

“You and he are close?” He asked, voicing his question.

“Oh, about as close as anyone here can be,” She replied airily. “He and I share the same enthusiasm for technology, and he often comes down here to collect the artefacts I think have broken. He likes to tinker with them.”

Nodding, he turned back to the shelf in front of them and raked his eyes upwards. His attention was caught with one item about half way up the shelf, which he faintly recognised from something he had seen in the archives of Torchwood One.

“Oh- I know what that is!” He exclaimed, almost excited. This had been one of the many items which had been lost during the Battle of Canary Wharf, though this particular device was something which had proved quite useful. “It’s a universal battery source.”

“You’re sure?” She asked, reaching out a hand to pull the device away from its place on the shelf. Ianto regarded it closer up, then nodded.

“I’m sure. It’s quite ingenious.” He explained, reaching across to touch it himself. “Hold it near to anything which is battery powered and it moulds itself to the correct shape. We found it highly useful at Torchwood for powering up other devices of unknown origin when they needed energy to run in a form we didn’t own.”

She gasped quietly, eyes shining with brilliance. “That’s brilliant! I’ll keep a hold of that to move it to the ‘Technology’ archive later.” She moved the tablet she was holding and began to type something into it, no doubt relaying the information Ianto had just told her. “Do you have time to go through my entire archive, Ianto?”

“Now, smile!”

The Doctor sent his dirtiest look over at Van Statten. He was currently shirtless and held up against his will by shackles that ran from the ceiling and onto his arms. There was no way to move, even if he tried.  _ This is precisely why I don’t tell humans who I really am, _ he thought bitterly, but then his mind exploded into pain as a red laser beam hit him, emanating from the device Van Statten was standing behind.

“Two hearts!” The man exclaimed once the painful x-ray had finished its scan. “Binary vascular system. Oh, I am  _ so  _ going to patent this.”

“So that's your secret. You don't just collect this stuff, you scavenge it.” The Doctor shot, unwilling to show any fear in front of the monster of a human.

“This technology has been falling to Earth for centuries. All it took was the right mind to use it properly. Oh, the advances I've made from alien junk. You have no idea, Doctor. Broadband? Roswell.” He smiled smugly at the Doctor as he advanced closer to the alien. “Just last year my scientists cultivated bacteria from the Russian crater, and do you know what we found? The cure for the common cold. Kept it strictly within the laboratory of course. No need to get people excited. Why sell one cure when I can sell a thousand palliatives?”

He paused for a moment as a knock on the door was heard. A figure entered the room, one who the Doctor vaguely recognised as a guard who had escorted them to the boss’s office earlier in the day. He spoke in a voice too quiet for him to hear, but saw Van Statten’s eyes widen at whatever it was he was telling him.

“So. Your little friend, Ianto Jones, is nowhere to be found on the Torchwood Three active operatives list. Care to explain that, Doctor?” He asked, eyes full of fire. A shock of confusion went through the Time Lord as his words sunk in. Ianto, not a member of Torchwood? Currently being in the future of 2012, he began to wonder if that meant that Ianto was never going to return to his own time. He shuddered as he tried not to jump to the worst conclusion, telling himself that there could be any number of reasons why he no longer worked for Torchwood. He could just have given the job up.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You don’t?” Van Statten asked, his eyes boring into the Doctor’s. They stared at each other for a second, the Time Lord vowing not to tell him anything further about Ianto.

“Do you know what a Dalek is, Van Statten?” He questioned, changing the subject. He saw the smile fall from Van Statten’s face, feeling a short burst of satisfaction at the sight. “A Dalek is honest. It does what it was born to do for the survival of its species. That creature in your dungeon is better than you.”

His voice turned bitter. “In that case, I will be true to myself and continue.”

“Listen to me! That thing downstairs is going to kill every last one of us!” The Doctor cried frantically.

“Nothing can escape the Cage.” The laser was turned on again, shooting the Doctor with another blast of radiation which erupted into pain throughout his body.

”But it's woken up. It knows I'm here. It's going to get out. Van Statten, I swear, no one on this base is safe. No one on this planet!”

It appeared Van Statten’s ego was, however, bigger than his sense of morality as in response he only continued the torture he was putting the Doctor under. He wasn’t sure if the pain of the scanning device was worse than the fear he felt at the thought of the deadly Dalek only a few floors below him.

Ianto felt the rough touch of the object in front of him, something at the back of his mind niggling his thoughts as he tried to place where he had seen this object previously. “I  _ recognise  _ this- I know I do! But I just can’t place it.” He spoke frustratingly.

“Don’t worry about it- you’ve already been such a help by identifying the ones you have.” Sally smiled, putting a warm hand on his shoulder and pulling him softly away. He let out a sigh but had to concede that she was correct. They’d been in this particular section of the archive for close to an hour now, and while Ianto hadn’t found anything which might have given off a warning signal he had managed at least to aid Sally in figuring out what some of the items were. “Now, we’ve gone through the first out of five sections in this part of the archive. I say we head back to the foyer and have a drink and a snack, then tackle the next.”

Ianto smiled and agreed, turning around to follow Sally back towards the entrance of the floor. He was craving a cup of coffee so was all too eager to do as she said.

They had made it about half way through their journey when a loud blaring noise began to blast out from the ceiling. Worried, Ianto recognised it as a warning noise and immediately jumped to the thought of Rose and the Doctor. He imagined that if there was some sort of trouble, they would have something to do with it. He looked at Sally for one moment before they both broke out into a run, the older woman somehow managing to keep up with him as they made it back to the door in front.

“It’s locked!” Ianto said loudly, tugging on the door which wouldn’t budge. He remembered the electronic control panel and looked towards it on the wall next to the door. It was flashing red with a triangular warning sign, something he didn’t believe looked particularly comforting.

“It’s a condition red,” Sally explained. “They lock all archive wings off in case there’s something inside which is causing the disaster.”

“Well, we know it’s not here. Can’t we override the system?” He suggested, but Sally shook her head.

“Even I don’t have clearance.”

“Do you have a way to contact anyone to get us out?”

“Only at the main desk.” She said, pointing past the door. Ianto pulled a hand through his hair in stress.

“So, you’re telling me we’re trapped down here?”

Sally offered him a concerned, apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. Unless you can find a way out.”

Ianto moved his eyes from the woman’s face to the shelves of archived artefacts behind. Well. He supposed that somewhere in the 2,309 items here there might just be something he could use to help them get out and back to his friends.

“Rose, no!”

Rose jerked her hand backwards as her brief touch of the metal creature sent a shock through her body. She gasped and moved backwards as the alien began to move.

“Genetic material extrapolated. Initiate cellular reconstruction!” It spoke, its voice becoming louder and higher pitched as the words continued. It appeared to be getting stronger, moving quicker until-

The chains holding it in place snapped and sparks began to fly. From the entrance to the room one of the guards from earlier entered, glaring at Adam and Rose.

“What the hell have you done?” He snarled, walking towards the Dalek and stopping short of it. He sent it a menacing smirk as it raised it’s right stalk towards him. There was what looked like a sink plunger on the end of it. ”What are you going to do? Sucker me to death?”

Before he had time to take a breath, the appendage extended and sealed around his mouth. His scream was muffled as Rose watched in horror, tearing her face away to run out of the room.

”It's killing him! Do something!” She shouted at the other guards

“Condition red! Condition red! I repeat, this is not a drill!”

Across the building, in his position hanging from the ceiling, the Doctor looked up at Van Statten, hearing the alarm ringing out. “Release me if you want to live.”

“You've got to keep it in that cell.” The Doctor shouted, running full pelt towards the screen which showed the scenes happening downstairs. He could clearly see Rose, the English technician she had left with and one other guard.

_ “Doctor, it's all my fault.”  _ She spoke, her voice slightly distorted through the CCTV but distinct nonetheless.

_ “I've sealed the compartment. It can't get out, that lock's got a billion combinations.”  _ The one guard said, somehow sounding smug despite the breathless fear the Doctor could plainly see across his features.

“A Dalek's a genius. It can calculate a thousand billion combinations in one second flat.”

A tense few seconds were spent waiting for the door to do something- to either open and reveal the Dalek behind or beep and deny the creature access to the outside world. More guards had arrived, standing in front of Rose and Adam with guns pointed at the door.

And then the door swung open.  _ “Open fire!”  _

“Don't shoot it! I want it unharmed.” Van Statten cried, looking at the screen as if he was the one being shot at.

The Doctor had more important things on his mind. “Rose, get out of there!”

_ “De Maggio, take the civilians and get them out alive. That is your job, got that?”  _ The Doctor thankfully heard the head guard instruct the other guard there, watching as she pulled Rose and Adam away with her off the view of the security camera. His relief was barely contained when he noticed the Dalek moving directly towards the camera they were watching from. The last thing he saw before the screen went dark was it’s right appendage rushing towards them. 

“We're losing power. It's draining the base,” Goddard, the female who had stayed by Van Statten’s side all day so far, told them. She gasped. “Oh, my God. It's draining entire power supplies for the whole of Utah.”

“It's downloading.” The Doctor added, watching as the computer in front of him showed a map of the United States, states quickly shading to indicate  _ something. _

Van Statten bristled. “Downloading what?”

“Sir, the entire West Coast has gone down.”

“It's not just energy.” The Doctor spoke. “That Dalek just absorbed the entire internet. It knows everything.”

Down levels below them the Dalek retrieved its arm from the control panel, it’s body and metal shields now gleaming with renewed power.

“The Daleks survive in me!”

Ianto stared at the circular device in front of him, feeling elated all of a sudden. He recognised this piece of technology, one of the more useful things that had fallen through the rift during his time at Torchwood Three. While it looked unassuming and plain, he knew that this device had gotten them into the Cardiff City Hall’s top security vault, taking no longer than ten seconds to find the combination to its electronic lock once placed over the keypad. They had never identified where or when it had come from, but had found many uses for it over the years he had been working in Cardiff. And it seemed now it might just get him out of another dire situation.

“I’ve found something!” He shouted, skidding to a halt as he reached the entrance to their vault. He placed it on the door in front of him, hitting the button on the front and-

Nothing.

He made a small noise of confusion, pressing the button once more. Yet again the device didn’t do anything- it didn’t flash red and let out a low hum as he knew it was meant to do. It seemed to be completely out of charge, and Ianto despaired at the thought of being this close but yet so far from escape. His shoulders drooped. “No charge. It’s run out of juice.”

Sally gave him a look, her eyes shining as if Ianto was being particularly stupid. Reaching into her pocket, she brought out a silver oblong which Ianto recognised with a gasp to be-

“The universal battery!”

“What’s the point of you identifying this for me if we don’t even use it?” She smiled, echoing Ianto’s laugh that he must have started at the sheer relief of her memory. He took it gratefully from her, reaching over to the device and placing it over the top. They both watched as it appeared to melt, moving across the unlocking device like a piece of sentient silver goo until it slid into place around the other side. Ianto once more pressed the power button and let out a small whoop as the red light turned on.

Within seconds the door swung open. He grabbed the device before they both rushed forwards, intent on making it to the next door and continuing their way up the levels to find out what was going on. However, before they took two steps the entire building seemed to shake and they were plunged into darkness.

“Sally!” Ianto cried out, reaching blindly around to try to find the woman. His hands collided with a soft form, which he realised to be a shoulder. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” She replied, sounding distracted. A second later her device powered on, shining lowly and illuminating her face. She fiddled with it further until a light shone from a circle at the top of it, acting as an impromptu torch.

“The door-” Ianto started, but was cut off.

“Will now be sealed shut by a deadlock. When power drops extra security measures are put in place to ensure the doors stay both physically and electronically locked.”

“Shit,” Ianto cursed, then slammed a hand to his mouth. “I mean- damn!”

Sally laughed dryly. “You don’t have to stay polite for me. This situation is a little bit fucked.” She enjoyed the shocked (yet vaguely amused) look on Ianto’s face at her words. “Besides, it’s not all bad. We have a phone on the wall and a battery which can power it to reach upstairs. Not all hope is lost just yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lauren has made some incredible art of our OC Sally in her archive!! Check it out here!!!  
> https://garknessandbones.tumblr.com/post/623894718716248064/thirteeninafezs-oc-sally-the-archivist-from-the 
> 
> I hope you guys liked the chapter! We love hearing your thoughts so throw them at us (especially with regards to That One Paragraph). The finale of Dalek is coming to you on Sunday: Duality of Dalek  
> As ever, find us on Tumblr to shout at us at @thirteeninafez and @garknessandbones (●'◡'●)


	11. Duality of Dalek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Doesn't Know Who the Fuck Adam Is

Back upstairs, the Doctor was running his hands through his hair as he watched the computer cycle through data. It changed to show a map of the building.

“The cameras in the vault have gone down.” Goddard informed them, panic running through her.

“We've only got emergency power. It's eaten everything else. You've got to kill it now!” He forcefully told Van Statten as he stared at the man.

Goddard pressed a button on her earpiece. “All guards to converge in the Metaltron cage, immediately.”

All of a sudden a phone on the desk they were standing around began to ring. With a glare at Van Statten, the Doctor picked it up.

“This is the Doctor, who’s this?” He asked, praying Rose had found her way to safety.

_ “Doctor? It’s Ianto.”  _ A distinctly Welsh accent passed through the phone. The Doctor let a breath of relief fall through him. While he hadn’t forgotten about his other companion, the one in most danger had been the focus of his attention up until now. He knew Ianto had been taken to the lowest part of the building where, he had hoped, he would stay safe.

“Ianto Jones! Brilliant! You’re alive!”

_ “I should hope so,”  _ The dry voice responded.  _ “What’s going on up there?” _

“Tell them to stop shooting at it.” Van Statten shouted from beside him. The Doctor dragged his attention away from the phone.

“But it's killing them!” Goddard yelled.

“They're dispensable. That Dalek is unique. I don't want a scratch on its bodywork, do you hear me? Do you hear me?”

With a pained realisation, the bullet fire they could hear through their communication devices eased up until there was no more noise. They could only imagine what had happened.

“It’s a Dalek.” The Doctor said, turning back to the phone.

_ “D-Dalek?”  _ He heard Ianto reply, his voice all of a sudden shaky and pained. The Doctor didn’t have time to unpack what that meant, and instead continued on.

“Sounds like you know just how deadly they are. You in the archives?”

_ “I- yes, I’m stuck here with Sally, Head Archivist. The doors are bolted.” _

“Have you got any alien weapons?”

_ “There’s thousands of items down here. I’m sure I can find something.” _

“Good. If you find something that can blast through the doors, that’ll be good enough for the Dalek.”

_ “Right. On it now, Doctor.”  _ Ianto finished, but there was a pause where it was obvious he wasn’t going to hang up yet.  _ “Is Rose...?” _

“She’ll be fine,” The Doctor resolutely told him, trying to believe it himself. “Just got herself in a spot of trouble, like usual. Go find us that weapon Ianto.”

The phone really did hang up after that. The Doctor turned to look at the two others, who were staring at him.

”We've got to keep that thing alive. We could just seal the entire vault, trap it down there.” Van Statten insisted. 

The Doctor nearly saw red. ”Leaving everyone trapped with it. Rose is down there. I won't let that happen. Have you got that?” He turned back to the computer and pointed to an area. “It's got to go through this area. What's that?”

“Weapons testing.”

He nodded “Give guns to the technicians, the lawyers, anyone. Everyone. Only then have you got a chance of killing it.”

Racing away through the floors below, Rose came to a halt. Adam nearly ran into her before he stopped himself. “Stairs! That's more like it. It hasn't got legs. It's stuck!”

“It's coming! Get up!” De Maggio, the guard, shouted, pushing them up the flight of stairs. They quickly began to scale the steps, stopping after a flight and looking down at the entrance. Slowly the Dalek came into view.

“Great big alien death machine defeated by a flight of stairs.” Adam said smugly as it regarded the stairs in front of it.

“Now listen to me. I demand that you return to your cage. If you want to negotiate then I can guarantee that Mister van Statten will be willing to talk. I accept that we imprisoned you and maybe that was wrong, but people have died, and that stops right now. The killing stops. Have you got that? I demand that you surrender. Is that clear?”

The Dalek, having not responded to any of her questions, continued its stare directly at De Maggio’s face. “Elevate.”

All of a sudden it began to levitate, lifting itself higher until it was far enough to start to climb the stairs. The three humans watched on in horror.

“Oh my God.”

“Adam, get her out of here.” De Maggio shouted.

Rose reached a hand across to place it on the guard’s shoulder, practically begging. “Come with us. You can't stop it.”

“Someone's got to try. Now get out!” She shouted, pushing them again up the stairs. “Don't look back. Just run.”

They didn’t look back. Rose started to race upwards, trying to ignore the sounds of gunshots which reached them. As they found the next floor’s entrance they continued to run, passing through a corridor. She flinched but didn’t stop at the scream that came from behind them, knowing that the Dalek wouldn’t have found any mercy in itself to spare De Maggio. She felt sick- but there was no time.

Continuing to run, they only stopped when they reached a large open spaced area. There were guards poised in position, waiting no doubt for the Dalek to arrive.

“Hold your fire! You two, get the hell out of there!” The head guard shouted at them, and they raced across to the other side of the room. Once they were safely out of the line of fire they paused, waiting with the guards for the Dalek to reach them.

As soon as it did they both tensed. The Dalek swirled its eye-piece until it was staring at the exit- no, not the exit. Staring directly at Rose. Somehow she was intimately aware of where it’s line of sight lay. The look was broken as Adam pulled them away.

“It was looking at me.” She stated.

Adam pulled up as Rose stopped moving. “Yeah, it wants to slaughter us.”

“I know, but it was looking right at me!”

“So? It's just a sort of metal eye thing. It's looking all around.” 

She shook her head, tears almost forming in her eyes. “I don't know. It's like there's something inside, looking at me, like, like it knows me.”

Up at the top of the building the television in Van Statten’s office blinked to life.

“We've got vision.”

The Doctor watched helplessly as bullets flew at the Dalek, none leaving any sort of dent in its armour. His only consolation was that Rose wasn’t anywhere on screen. “It wants us to see.”

The Dalek began to rise towards the ceiling, aiming a blast of energy from its weapon at something off screen. As soon as it did so the sprinklers in the room began to spray. With a shot of horror the Doctor realised what its plan was just moments before it shot at the floor, electrifying the water and killing all the guards who were covered. Goddard gasped in horror.

_ “Fall back! Fall back!”  _ They heard one of the few remaining guards order, but before they made it any further the Dalek had shot at them too. Everyone was dead.

“Perhaps it's time for a new strategy. Maybe we should consider abandoning this place.”

With tears glistening in her eyes, Goddard turned towards her boss. Her tone was none too forgiving. “Except there's no power to the helipad, sir. We can't get out.”

“You said we could seal the vault.” The Doctor prompted.

Van Statten started to walk towards the chair, sitting down in it and typing on the computer. “It was designed to be a bunker in the event of nuclear war. Steel bulkheads-”

“There's not enough power, those bulkheads are massive!” Goddard cut in, before the Doctor discounted her statement.

“We've got emergency power. We can re-route that to the bulkhead doors.”

“We'd have to bypass the security codes. That would take a computer genius.”

“Good thing you've got me, then.” Van Statten said, his eyes still fixed on the computer.

“You want to help?”

He turned to the Time Lord. “I don't want to die, Doctor. Simple as that. And nobody knows this software better than me.”

“Sir…” Goddard all of a sudden spoke, her voice worried and her vision set on the screen. The Dalek was back on the ground, and staring straight at them through the security camera.

_ “I shall speak only to the Doctor.” _

They froze, the Doctor slowly rising to walk towards the screen. “You're going to get rusty.

_ “I fed off the DNA of Rose Tyler. Extrapolating the biomass of a time traveller regenerated me.” _

He tried not to flinch at Rose’s name coming out of the creature of destruction. It didn’t deserve to speak her name. “What's your next trick?”

_ “I have been searching for the Daleks.” _

“Yeah, I saw. downloading the internet. What did you find?”

_ “I scanned your satellites and radio telescopes.” _

The Doctor stopped his movement across the room. “And?”

_ “Nothing. Where shall I get my orders now?”  _ The Dalek responded with as much emotion as an emotionless creature could muster. It sounded like it was instructing, no  _ ordering  _ the Doctor to come up with a reply to him.

“You're just a soldier without commands.”

_ “Then I shall follow the Primary Order, the Dalek instinct to destroy, to conquer!” _

The Doctor let go of whatever it was that was restraining his emotion. He opened his mouth and the words came out angry. “What for? What's the point?” The Dalek stayed silent, evidently having no response. “Don't you see it's all gone? Everything you were, everything you stood for.”

_ “Then what should I do?”  _ It asked, the water falling from the sprinklers around it making it look far more depressed that the Doctor had thought it could ever feel.

“All right, then. If you want orders, follow this one.” He paused, ensuring the Dalek could see all the hatred and rage he was feeling. “Kill yourself.”

Without even a pause to consider the statement, it responded.  _ “The Daleks must survive!” _

“The Daleks have failed! Why don't you finish the job and make the Daleks extinct. Rid the Universe of your filth. Why don't you just  _ die _ ?” The Doctor screamed, not thinking about the two humans in the room who were no doubt watching him speak to the creature. There was a large pause, almost enough of one that the Doctor thought he might have broken through to the creature. But the words that came out of the Dalek were enough to make him wish he hadn’t voiced any of his own thoughts, and wish that he had kept his anger at bay and not let it get the better of him.

_ “You would make a good Dalek.” _

The screen went blank.

Thoughts were racing through the Time Lord’s brain. The Dalek was right.  _ He  _ was the one who had killed his own people, along with all the other Daleks in existence.  _ He  _ was the mass murderer- not the Dalek standing in front of him who had killed a fraction of the number he had. And yet a small part of his brain tried to tell him that it was wrong- that the Dalek had no idea what it was talking about. He had been forced to do that- it had been a choice he had to make to ensure the best possible outcome. A necessary evil. And he was a better man now. The version of him that Rose knew-

Rose.

“Seal the Vault.” He instructed, his brain shutting away from the pain it was feeling to focus on the girl he had to keep alive. 

“I can leech power off the ground defences, feed it to the bulkheads. God, it's been years since I had to work this fast.” Van Statten said, typing into his computer on one side whilst the Doctor did the same on the other.

The Doctor sent him a glare. “Are you enjoying this?”

Goddard leaned over the Time Lord’s shoulder. “Doctor, she's still down there.”

A sharp ring from her mobile phone brought Rose out of her panicked thoughts as she ran away from the Dalek somewhere hot on her tail. She reached into her pocket and bought it out, pulling the device up to her ear and answering it.

“This isn't the best time.”

_ “Where are you?”  _ The Doctor asked her quickly, the sound of his voice being enough to spur her on even quicker. She would make it back to him and then everything would be alright.

“Level forty nine.”

_ “You've got to keep moving. The vault's being sealed off up at level forty six.” _

“Can't you stop them closing?” She cried, feeling her legs burn with the ache of running up the stairs.

_ “I'm the one who's closing them. I can't wait and I can't help you. Now for God's sake, run!” _

Rose did as instructed, not looking down to see just how close the Dalek was behind her. Once up the staircase she reached the final corridor- level forty six itself. Following Adam, whose longer legs propelled him just that bit faster towards their exit, she tried not to fall behind as her body screamed at her to stop moving. Yet the mechanical whirring that followed behind didn’t let up.

“We're nearly there. Give us two seconds.” She begged the Doctor down the phone.

Over in Van Statten’s office, the Time Lord himself was facing one of the hardest decisions he had had to make in a long while.

“Doctor, I can't sustain the power. The whole system is failing. Doctor, you've got to close the bulkheads.” Van Statten told him, sounding calm despite the turmoil happening in his building. The Doctor knew he had no time left. He could choose to close the bulkheads now, and possibly seal Rose inside with the Dalek or he could let an emotionless killer loose on the world and turn planet Earth into a war planet. His fingers shook.

“I'm sorry.” He told Rose, and hit enter.

There was still time, he placated himself- still time for Rose to slip underneath the closing doors and escape from the Dalek. He held his breath, hearing a faint call from Adam on the other side of the phone call. He watched in panic as the dot on the computer (showing Rose’s position) inched closer and closer to safety, noting the noise of the klaxon suddenly stopping just as she reached the destination.

Van Statten turned to him. “The vault is sealed.”

“Rose, where are you? Rose, did you make it?”

There was a long pause, only the echoing noise of her heavy breathing coming through the phone.  _ “Sorry, I was a bit slow." _

The Doctor’s world seemed to stop moving. He needed to say something- needed to  _ do  _ something to save the girl who had grown to mean so damn much to him in such a little span of time, and yet his brain couldn’t begin to think.

_ “See you, then, Doctor,” _ He heard her say, despite the blood roaring in his ears. He could hear the way her voice shook with fear and the noise tore something deep within his chest.  _ “It wasn't your fault. Remember that, okay? It wasn't your fault. And do you know what? I wouldn't have missed it for the world.” _

And the only thing he heard before ripping the earpiece away from his head was the harsh, unmerciful cry of the Dalek.

_ “Exterminate!” _

As soon as Ianto put the phone down he collapsed, falling against the wall as his legs gave way. He knew that he had to focus on finding a weapon to defeat the evil lurking upstairs, but no part of his body seemed to want to cooperate enough to move. The second creature which had haunted his dreams at night was upstairs, no doubt killing more innocent people, and his head was being thrown back to 2007. He  _ couldn’t  _ face the senseless killers again- he just  _ couldn’t.  _

A warm hand on his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts. “What’s wrong, dear?”

His eyes met with the kind face of Sally, worry evident in her features despite the reassurance of her hand.

“Upstairs, there’s a monster loose,” He began, taking a deep breath before continuing. “A Dalek. It kills everything on sight.”

Sally startled, her eyes widening. “How far upstairs?”

“I’m not sure. He didn’t say. Just told us to find a weapon- anything that can get through these doors. And then meet them upstairs,” He looked down at his knees. “We have to kill it.”

The old woman in front of him suddenly reached out her hand, tapping his chin upwards so that he had to look at her. “It’ll be okay, Ianto. I have a few things that were in a pile to go upstairs to the weapon’s floor that we can use. This won’t be the end of the world.”

Ianto found himself somehow inexplicable believing her words. He nodded as best he could with her hand still on his chin, knowing now was not the time to be having a mental breakdown.

“You stay here and try to get to your feet while I go off to collect the artefacts. I’m sure one of them will work.” She said, patting his cheek in an affectionate way before she stood up once more. Through the light of her torch, Ianto watched her run towards the other side of the foyer where a group of shelves lay underneath a “To Be Moved” sign. Taking a shaky breath, he willed his limbs to work, succeeding in slowly getting to his feet. He was grateful for the break Sally was giving him as he focused on what they needed to do to defeat the creature upstairs. He had escaped a Dalek with his life before, and he wasn’t going to let it defeat him now.

By the time Sally had returned he was feeling as normal as he could. Eager to get out of the Archives, he began to help her in dragging the box full of weapons forwards, reaching into it to extract a random item and point it towards the door. Together they managed to make their way through all of the weapons, stopping only when a small gun-like item shot a purple beam of energy at the door and obliterated it. They paused, turning to grin at each other. Ianto reached for the phone again.

“Doctor?” He said as soon as the phone connected.

_ “Ianto.” _

He paused. There was something utterly  _ wrong  _ about the way the Time Lord was speaking. His voice sounded completely broken, as hopeless as he had felt when the woman he loved had been taken from this world, and-

“Rose,” He breathed, his brain short-circuiting. “Is she- Doctor, what’s happened?”

_ “I killed her.” _

“What?” Ianto whispered, his voice failing him. “She’s- Doctor, you can’t have-”

_ “I did. I shut her in with the Dalek. And now-”  _ The Doctor’s voice broke off.  _ “God. I shut you in as well, Ianto. I’m sorry. You’re stuck with it now, too.” _

“It doesn’t matter,” He reassured the Time Lord, trying to ignore the pain and panic in his chest. History wouldn’t be so cruel as to repeat itself like this, would it? “We’ve found a weapon that we think- no, we  _ know  _ it will kill the Dalek.”

_ “Fantastic.”  _ The Doctor responded, voice as lifeless as Ianto had ever heard it.  _ “Level forty six. Don’t hesitate to destroy it.” _

The phone clicked off. Ianto took five seconds to calm himself down, and then turned to Sally.

“Right. Let’s go kill this Dalek.”

After standing against the now closed bulkhead for moments- awaiting the end of her life- Rose came to the conclusion that she wasn’t going to die just yet. The Dalek had gone silent. Very slowly, she turned herself around to face it.

“Go on then, kill me,” She shouted, getting angry as it stayed silent. If she was going to die, why wouldn’t it hurry up and kill her? “Why're you doing this?”

“I am armed. I will kill. It is my purpose.” The Dalek finally spoke, sounding firm.

“They're all dead because of you!”

“They are dead because of us.”

Despite knowing that the Dalek had been the creature to pull the trigger and senselessly kill all of the innocent workers, Rose knew that it was partly her fault. The Dalek was telling the truth- if  _ she  _ had never touched it then it never would have found the strength to escape its prison, and in turn never have killed the people it killed.

“And now what? What're you waiting for?”

“I feel your fear.”

“What do you expect?” She shot back, her entire body shaking with the fear it could sense.

“Daleks do not fear. Must not fear.” It’s weapon moved, pointing away from Rose but at the wall next to her. A shot hit the concrete off to her side, followed quickly by another on her right side instead. Rose kept very still, watching the creature in panic. “You gave me life. What else have you given me? I am contaminated!”

Rose almost gasped out loud as she came to the quick realisation that the Dalek was beginning to doubt itself. Something of her own emotions must have translated when she had touched it earlier, something which was making it doubt every action it was trying to take. If she could manipulate the confusion it was feeling, then perhaps- just perhaps- there might be a chance to save both herself and the rest of the human race.

“Ianto!” Sally shouted, drawing to a halt. He slammed his own brakes on, moving back to see what the Archivist was looking at. She was pointing to the wall- evidently a lift, if the increasing numbers and closed double doors were anything to go by. The floor number decreased, heading all the way upwards until it reached the first floor.

“Someone’s going to the surface.” He pointed out.

“Not just somebody. Nobody should be able to power the lift while in lockdown.”

“There’s only one thing in this building which could do that.” Ianto said, sending Sally a knowing look. He pressed the button, content in knowing that either the Dalek would be sent down to them, where he could kill it before it got a chance to look at him, or he would get an empty lift which he could take up to the surface. He willed it to speed up, knowing every second they were stuck down here if the Dalek had reached the surface was another human who could be killed.

“You don’t have to do this,” He said quickly, refusing to meet Sally’s eyes. “There’s no need for you to join me upstairs.”

He heard a scoffing noise. “As if I’m going to leave you now!”

“It’ll be dangerous. If this weapon doesn’t work-”

“In that case, nobody on the planet is safe. I’d rather die trying than do nothing.”

The elevator door pinged, opening in front of them to show a completely empty lift. There was no time to argue.  _ And,  _ Ianto reasoned,  _ probably no point in trying to keep Sally away anyway.  _ He didn’t think he had met anyone who he felt less likely to win an argument against in his entire life.

The ride upstairs seemed to take forever. There was a tense silence between the two of them, the hum of the lift being the only thing they could hear. Ianto had hold of the weapon, determined to shoot the second he set eyes on the Dalek. If it had done  _ anything  _ to Rose then it deserved to burn in hell. The anger behind his eyes was the only thing that kept him from giving into the fear running through his veins.

As the lift doors opened Ianto heard a loud noise emanating from further on in the floor and took off, sprinting towards where he had heard it come from. He burst through the doors, not noticing the familiar office he had run past and saw an open area in front of him. From the other side of the room he could see the Doctor running towards the middle too- and then in the center of the room itself there was the Dalek, it’s blaster pointed towards a hole in the sky, and next to it-

“Rose!” He shouted, the surprise of seeing her alive momentarily shocking his brain into silence. He took in the sight of the Dalek, which whirred towards him and revealed a horrific mess. Its midriff had opened up completely, showing a creature beneath (though ‘creature’ was a kind term for what he was seeing.) It looked a mess of tendrils, with one big yellow eye staring directly at him underneath a pulsating brain. He stifled a gasp, feeling horror fill him.

“Ianto! Do it!” He heard the Doctor shout from across the room, the gun in his hand suddenly feeling heavy once more. He cocked it and pointed it towards the Dalek.

“No!” Rose shouted, drawing his attention to her all of a sudden. He froze.  _ No?  _ “Don’t kill it! It’s peaceful.”

“Daleks aren’t peaceful creatures.” He spoke back, his voice low and accent heavy.

“Please,” The creature begged, looking directly at Ianto. For a moment he couldn’t tell what the creature was asking him for- to spare him, or to hurry up and finish it off.

“It  _ spared  _ me!” Rose shouted back. Ianto swallowed heavily.

“It might have spared you, but...” He said, lifting the gun once more towards the creature. “This is for Lisa.”

He felt the gun recoil beneath him and heard Rose’s scream, but the only thing he registered was the sight before him of the Dalek exploding. The metal broke away, thankfully not moving far enough to hit Rose or himself nearby, but the pink creature inside was completely and utterly demolished. His ears were ringing and his body needed to collapse, but once more the hand of Sally’s reached across his shoulder and supported him.

“How  _ could  _ you?” He heard Rose scream. “It wasn’t going to kill anybody else! It was- it was-”

“Rose,” The Doctor said, moving closer to her. “Come on. It killed all of those people. Dozens of lives, wasted. What did you expect?”

Rose shook her head, refusing to see reason. Ianto didn’t dare look at her, his body frozen to the spot. He barely saw her as she ran away from the room, the Doctor following behind her and shouting at the Welshman to hurry up and follow them. He let himself be guided forwards by the only other person still in the room, the kind hand never once leaving his shoulder.

“I guess this is goodbye, then.”

It had been half an hour since the Dalek had been dealt with, and Rose had yet to so much as look at Ianto. His insides were still a mix of guilt and anger, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret the decision he had made. Whatever Rose had seen inside that Dalek couldn’t have been anything worth saving, and he wasn’t about to apologise for his actions. He’d gone with Sally back down to the archives, depositing the weapon they had taken before he returned to the floor the Tardis had originally landed on. And with the Doctor yelling at him to follow him into the spaceship, he knew the time had come to leave his new friend behind.

A pair of arms all at once encircled his body, reaching around his middle and pulling him into a tight hug. Ianto let himself melt into the embrace, her chin falling softly on top of his own head.

“Whoever she was, this Lisa,” He heard her mumble. “Don’t let your anger taint her memory.”

“I won’t,” He swallowed heavily, pulling back from the hug.

“Good,” She said, reaching a hand up to hold his cheek. “You’re a good man, Ianto Jones.”

_ “Ianto!”  _ The Doctor shouted, ending the tender moment.

“Thank you,” He said, reaching into his suit pocket and pulling out a card. “You know, if you ever want a way out of this job you work, there’s a place I know which I’m sure would appreciate a little assistance with their archives...”

He placed the card into her hands, seeing the contemplative look in Sally’s eyes. With any luck, this wouldn’t yet be the last he saw of Sally Hays.

A minute later he was back in the Tardis, his eyes falling onto an unexpected third figure in the central room of the ship. He briefly remembered the man as the technician from earlier, but couldn’t tell why he was on board their ship.

“What’s he doing here?” He asked.

“Coming with us,” Rose replied icily. “I thought it would be nice to travel with someone who actually had a heart, for a change.”

Ianto didn’t need to look at her to see the glare he knew she would be sending his way. “I’m not going to apologise for what I did.”

“You-”

“Rose, come on,” The Doctor cut in. “I’m not having this argument again.”

She huffed. “Don’t pretend you’re any better, Doctor.” She practically spat. “Come on, Adam. I’ll show you around.”

She stalked off with the English boy hot on her tails, the look on his face awkward. Ianto sighed, leaning back against the wall of the Tardis as the Doctor sprung it into motion once more.

“You did the right thing.” The Doctor spoke after a few moments of quiet. Ianto closed his eyes and let himself breath.

“With all due respect, I’m going to go and make some coffee.” He finished lamely.

“Right.”

Ianto walked slowly towards the kitchen, feeling the Tardis jolt as the Doctor piloted the ship through space, onwards to their next destination. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lauren is currently trying to get revenge on me from the time I made her cry in chemistry. She has yet to ever make me cry, despite me making her cry on multiple different occasions :~)
> 
> Please don't kill me for making Ianto do what he did! Rose hating him is punishment enough :(  
> Thanks again for comments and kudos! We are back on Wednesday for the start of our next episode: The Long Game  
> Note: I (Remi) have written that episode, however I will be away next week so Lauren will be posting and replying to comments on the Wednesday. I might be back for posting on Friday but I'm not certain what time I shall be returning home yet! (Lauren is also mocking my choice of words for being 'like a posh fuck' and 'too Southern' ಠ_ಠ)  
> Find us on Tumblr: @thirteeninafez and @garknessandbones


	12. The Long Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto and Rose Can Only Agree on One Thing, Adam's a Flaccid Dick

As the Doctor and Rose left the Tardis, Ianto almost debated not going out of the ship himself. He could quite reasonably stay hidden inside- perhaps spend the day in the grand library he had yet to explore the depths of- but when he heard the Time Lord say the words “two hundred thousand” his curiosity was piqued enough to force him outside.

“Two hundred thousand?” He heard Rose question as he slipped out the door. Ianto paused a moment to survey the surroundings, taking in the futuristic design of the space station they had landed on, looking between the rusted metal pipes which ran through the high ceiling to the orange-red ornamental flags which hung lower. There was some sort of metal hut in the centre of the room, the only thing betraying it’s appearance being the futuristic glow coming from the fluorescent lights around the station. 

“Two hundred thousand.” The Doctor answered Rose, and Ianto turned his head from the sights in front of him to look instead at his companions.

He wished he hadn’t. The look Rose sent his way withered his posture, as if she were shooting daggers into him. “Right,” She muttered, not trying to hide her fury. Ianto found her reaction frustrating- he knew she still hadn’t forgiven him for killing the Dalek the previous day, yet he would not back down and apologise to her. He returned the glare, ignoring his altruistic nature which was itching for forgiveness. Rose turned to the Tardis and opened the doors. “Adam? Out you come.”

Adam took a shaky step into the space station, looking in both wonder and shock at the scene around him. Ianto folded his arms, not willing to care about the man’s reaction despite it being his first trip outside of planet Earth.

“Oh, my God.”

“Don't worry, you'll get used to it.” Rose chided.

“Where are we?”

“Good question. Let's see. So, er, judging by the architecture, I'd say we're around the year two hundred thousand.” Rose lied, ignoring the scoffing noise Ianto made from beside her. Adam nodded breathlessly. “If you listen,”

“Yeah,”

“Engines. We're on some sort of space station. Yeah, definitely a space station. It's a bit warm in here- they could turn the heating down,” Rose muttered, playing with her collar. Ianto looked at the Doctor incredulously, to see if he had anything to say about Rose’s pretence, but instead only saw a soft smile and undivided attention from the Time Lord. He supposed that meant Rose had all but forgiven the Doctor already. ”Tell you what - let's try that gate. Come on!”

Reluctantly, Ianto followed behind the three of them, ignored by each one. Rose wasn’t daring to look at him, and the two other men were too focused on her to bother thinking about anything else. Ianto rolled his eyes. The Doctor’s odd way of showing affection for Rose was already enough for him, without the need to bring another love-sick puppy into the mix.

They made their way through the gate, pulling the metal door back and guiding themselves out on a rusted set of stairs which clanged and echoed through the quiet space station under their feet.

“Here we go! And this is...” Rose spoke, before she trailed off at the sight in front of her. A large window stretched across the wall in front of them, showing a vast display that took the breath even out of Ianto’s body. He hung back, leaning against the railing of the stairs they had climbed up as he watched both the view and the people in front of him taking in said view.

“I'll let the Doctor describe it.” Rose decided. As the Doctor launched into an explanation, Ianto thought he saw Adam begin to sway.

“The Fourth great and bountiful Human Empire. And there it is, planet Earth at its height. Covered with mega-cities, five moons, population ninety six billion. The hub of a galactic domain stretching across a million planets, a million species, with mankind right in the middle.”

And then Adam collapsed onto the floor.

The Doctor didn’t even turn to look at the body, opening his mouth instead to speak in an exasperated tone. “He's your boyfriend.”

“Not anymore.”

By the time Adam had returned to the world, the Doctor was already grabbing his arm and yanking him upright, evidently eager not to waste any more time. The Welshman had to hurry to catch up, falling again behind the other three as the Doctor put an arm each around Adam and Rose. For a brief second a flicker of abandonment went through him at the sight, which for no good reason made a sudden pang of loneliness hit him. God, he missed Jack.

“Shall I just go sit by myself in the Tardis, then?” Ianto asked sarcastically. “Stay out of your way?”

Rose whipped her head round to glare at him. “Probably best, that way you won’t kill-”

She broke off, seeing Ianto physically recoil and her face turned regretful for almost an entire second.  _ Great,  _ Ianto thought.  _ That’s the longest she’s gone without glaring at me. _

The Doctor pulled Rose back around, shooting Ianto a grin and cocking his head to get him to hurry up and join them. Ianto quickened his step.

“Come on, Adam. Open your mind. You're going to like this. Fantastic period of history. The human race at its most intelligent.” The Time Lord explained as he walked back towards the area they had left the Tardis in. “Culture, art, politics. This era has got fine food, good manners-”

_ “Out of the way!” _

All of a sudden, seemingly coming out of nowhere, the open area they were in bustled into life. People began hurrying around the floor; stalls opened in the middle of the room; the buzz of people shouting and talking filled their ears. The four time travellers stared on in amazement as the strange aroma of futuristic food filled their noses.

“Kronkburger?” Ianto asked, repeating a word he had heard a store owner say. At the same time, Rose also spoke.

“Fine cuisine?” She was investigating the food behind the glass cabinet on a stall, wrinkling her nose at the sight. Ianto didn’t dare question what any of it was, especially when he caught sight of a dark purple ball of  _ something  _ that a passer-by put to their mouth. He shuddered.

“My watch must be wrong,” The Doctor almost pouted, looking in confusion at the watch on his wrist. “No, it's fine. It's weird.”

“That's what comes of showing off. Your history's not as good as you thought it was.” She pointed out, this time sending her glare towards the Doctor. Ianto was glad for the respite. Whether it was due to the fact that the Doctor was their first in command aboard the Tardis, or due to the fact that he hadn’t been the specific one to kill the Dalek, Rose had seemingly forgiven the Doctor sooner than Ianto. It was hard to stay annoyed with his eccentric character, and his willingness to take Adam on board likely contributed to her forgiveness. Meanwhile Ianto, though submissive in character, knew how to hold a grudge- and it seemed Rose did in response.

“My history's perfect.” The Doctor insisted, frowning either in concentration or confusion.

“Well, obviously not.” Rose pointed out pedantically, her small smile being the only thing that indicated that she was more amused than mad. 

Adam began to idly walk around, looking from all angles at the hubbub around him. “They're all human. What about the millions of planets, the millions of species? Where are they?”

“Good question,” Then the Doctor turned back to him, regarding him properly as he put his arm back around the young man. “Actually, that is a good question. Adam, me old mate, you must be starving.”

“No, I'm just a bit time sick.”

“No, you just need a bit of grub,” The Doctor insisted, dragging him towards a pop-up shop which was selling food. “Oi, mate - how much is a kronkburger?”

The chef gave them a glance over. Ianto was amused to see the classic red and white checkered pattern had stayed in fashion with diners in the year two hundred thousand. “Two credits twenty, sweetheart. Now join the queue.”

“Money. We need money.” The Doctor remembered, pulling out of the queue and stalking off to a less crowded area. “Let's use a cashpoint.”

He reached a machine in the wall, looking very similar to the cashpoints of the twenty-first century, and buzzed his sonic screwdriver at the screen. It dispensed a thin oblong of grey plastic, about the width of a palm, and he presented it to Adam proudly.

“There you go, pocket money. Don't spend it all on sweets.”

“Well, how does it work?” Adam called at the Doctor’s retreating form. The Time Lord swivelled round, rolling his eyes in vexation.

“Go and find out. Stop nagging me. The thing is, Adam, time travel's like visiting Paris. You can't just read the guide book, you've got to throw yourself in. Eat the food, use the wrong verbs, get charged double and end up kissing complete strangers. Or is that just me?” He finally paused for breath, unaware of the way Rose was laughing at his outburst. “Stop asking questions, go and do it.”

Adam turned to walk off. Rose looked at him, turning back to the Doctor as if waiting for permission. “Off you go, then. Your first date.”

She pointed a finger at him, trying not to smile. “You're going to get a smack, you are.”

Ianto watched the two walk off, grateful for the distraction that Adam and the space station around them was providing Rose with. He noticed the Doctor’s face go from a dopey grin to a serious expression.

“Your history isn’t off, is it?” Ianto asked him. “You think something’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. I probably shouldn’t stick my nose into this space station’s business.” He said, looking at two girls who were speaking quickly together and didn’t seem to be here to enjoy the food on offer.

“You’re going to stick your nose in, aren’t you?”

The Doctor flashed him a knowing grin, and stepped out in front of the girls. “Er, this is going to sound daft, but can you tell me where I am?”

The two women looked at each other in confusion. The taller of the two opened her mouth to reply. “Floor one three nine. Could they write it any bigger?”

“Floor one three nine of what?”

They paused, and looked between the Doctor and Ianto. The Welshman thought he saw an amused eyebrow quip. “Must've been a hell of a party.”

“You're on Satellite Five.”

“Satellite Five?” Ianto questioned, the question eliciting a change in demeanour between the two females they were questioning. They no longer seemed to be amused by them, and instead appeared wary and confused.

“Come on, how could you get on board without knowing where you are?” The one with darker skin said, sounding exasperated.

“Look at us. We’re stupid. Well, he’s a bit more stupid than I am, but we’re both pretty low on intelligence.”

“Hold on, wait a minute. Are you a test?” The brown haired girl suddenly gasped, her eyes going wide. “Some sort of management test kind of thing?”

“You've got me. Well done,” The Doctor lied as he held up his psychic paper. Ianto tried not to roll his eyes at the reaction the girls had to the paper. “You're too clever for me.”

“We were warned about this in basic training. All workers have to be versed in company promotion.” The smaller said, pointedly looking at her partner.

“Right, fire away, ask your questions. If it gets me to Floor five hundred I'll do anything.” She said, flicking her hair behind her ear.

“Why, what happens on Floor five hundred?”

“The walls are made of gold,” She explained, her eyes looking upwards as if she was staring at the higher floor from their current location. “And you should know, Mister Management. So, this is what we do.”

She led the two over towards a monitor on the wall which was showing footage similar to the way a new channel on TV would. Ianto hadn’t noticed this earlier, but now very curiously stared at the words it showed. This was the future of the human race, and he was watching the news over a hundred, thousand years in his future. It was slightly mind-boggling to think about, so he decided to listen into what one of the ladies was saying instead of thinking too hard about the matter.

“Latest news, sandstorms on the new Venus archipelago. Two hundred dead. Glasgow water riots into their third day. Space lane seventy seven closed by sunspot activity.”

“You broadcast the news, then?” Ianto surmised, cutting in on her speech.

She looked almost amused. “We  _ are  _ the news. We're the journalists. We write it, package it and sell it. Six hundred channels, all coming out of Satellite Five, broadcasting everywhere. Nothing happens in the whole human empire without it going through us.”

Ianto gaped, and turned to look at the Doctor, who also has a similar expression on his face. “Right. No biggie, then?”

  
  


Across the other side of the station, Rose was wishing she was anywhere but stuck in an unknown environment with a guy who was growing less fun and impressive each second. Her cheeks were beginning to ache from the wide, carefully produced grin that she was forcing herself to bear, trying to laugh at the weak jokes Adam was making and act like his constant moaning and unease wasn’t annoying her. She wistfully looked over to see if she could get a glimpse of her friends, and sighed as she saw them still engaged in conversation with a couple of women. Her eyes fixated on Ianto and she tried not to sigh. She really should speak to him once they were done with this failing ‘date’, knowing that their friendship was worth more than one specific disagreement (even if it had included genocide.)

Furthermore, she was going to scream if she had to spend much longer talking to only Adam.

“Try this. It's called Zaphic,” Rose told him, offering him her drink. “It's nice, it's like a, er, Slush Puppy.”

“What flavour?” He asked, eyeing the drink warily.

Rose sat down at the table and took a sip. “Sort of beef?”

“Oh, my God,” He moaned, laughing warily. Rose joined in, hoping the laugh met her eyes. “It's like everything's gone, home, family, everything.”

Rose tried very,  _ very  _ hard not to roll her eyes, trying to tell herself that this was his first time off planet and that it must be very disorientating. She severely hoped she hadn’t been this bad to the Doctor when he took her on her first trip. Instead, she reached into her pocket and brought her phone out, handing it to Adam.

“This helps. The Doctor gave it a bit of a top-up. Who's back home, your mum and dad?”

“Yeah.” Adam replied, a wistful look on his face.

“Phone them up.”

“But that's one hundred and ninety eight thousand years ago.” He complained, and Rose almost swore out loud. She bit her tongue.

“Honestly, try it. Go on.” She insisted, if only to get him to stop talking to her for a minute.

“Is there a code for planet Earth?”

_ “Just dial.” _

There was an awkward pause as Adam typed his home number into the phone, waiting with it pulled to his ear as it rang. After a minute Rose heard some muffled noise coming from the other end. Adam gaped in amazement as it connected.

“Hi. It's me. I've sort of gone travelling. I met these people and we've gone travelling together-”

Rose stopped listening, her eyes trailing over the area they were sat in as she tried to remember what had drawn her to Adam in the first place.

The call ended, but before they could be drawn into conversation again a klaxon noise sounded and everybody around them began to move. They stared in confusion, unsure what to do as they were left by themselves at the table. Luckily, Rose turned to see the Doctor and Ianto staring at them.

“Oi! Mutt and Jeff! Over here!”

The octagonal room the four of them were led to seemed about as futuristic as Ianto imagined a space station in the year two hundred thousand would look. Everything in the room was a pale shaded grey metal, including the floor and railings they were touching. In the centre of the room, around the octagonal table, there sat seven additional workers, each crossed legged and staring at the taller woman who was standing at the head of the table, obviously in charge. This included the other girl who had been talking to them previously, who now sat perfectly still in await of orders.

“Now, everybody- behave. We have a management inspection,” She turned to the four onlookers. “How do you want it, by the book?”

“Right from scratch, thanks.” The Doctor answered.

“Okay. So, ladies, gentlemen, multi-sex, undecided or robot,- my name is Cathica Santini Khadeni. That's Cathica with a C, in case you want to write to Floor five hundred praising me, and please do.” She turned away from her brief look at the four travellers and spoke next to the workers around her. ”Now, please feel free to ask any questions. The process of news gathering must be open, honest, and beyond bias. That's company policy.”

“Actually, it's the law.” The same girl from earlier pointed out.

“Yes, thank you, Suki,” Cathica said back through her teeth, answering Ianto’s wandering thoughts about Suki’s name. “Okay, keep it calm. Don't show off for the guests. Here we go.”

Cathica walked to and promptly sat in the reclining black chair in the centre of the table, putting her hands on the arms of it. “And engage safety.”

The other seven people each moved their hands until they were placed in the hand-shaped moulds in front of them on the table. One by one, lights from around the room turned on, letting out a whooshing noise that shocked Ianto. He peered curiously at what was going on. Cathica clicked her fingers, and then all of a sudden her forehead opened up.

Ianto stifled a gasp as he could suddenly see what must be her brain, the clicking having evidently opened up her skull in a perfectly circular cut.

“And three, two, and spike.”

A beam of light suddenly shone from the ceiling directly into her forehead. She sat silently, not looking in pain or uncomfortable in the slightest.

“Compressed information, streaming into her. Reports from every city, every country, every planet, and they all get packaged inside her head. She becomes part of the software. Her brain  _ is  _ the computer.” The Doctor explained in wonder.

“If it all goes through her, she must be a genius.” Rose reasoned. 

The Doctor shook his head and began to move around the room to get a better look. “Nah, she wouldn't remember any of it. There's too much. Her head'd blow up. The brain's the processor. As soon as it closes, she forgets.”

“So, what about all these people round the edge?”

“They must be the transmitters?” Ianto cut in before the Doctor could open his mouth.

“Right you are,” The Time Lord praised, not noticing the way Ianto locked eyes with Rose in an almost hopeful way. He carried on the explanation. “They've all got tiny little chips in their head, connecting them to her and they transmit six hundred channels. Every single fact in the Empire beams out of this place. Now that's what I call power.”

Rose dragged her eyes away from the Doctor and instead regarded the latest Tardis member. He seemed to be standing stock still, as if afraid of moving a muscle. “You all right?”

“I can see her brain.” He breathed.

“Thanks, Captain Obvious.” Ianto muttered quietly so only Rose could hear. She snorted, then schooled her expression before Ianto could see her automatic grin.

“Do you want to get out?” She asked Adam, almost begging for a positive response.

“No. No, this technology- it's amazing.” He replied, his frozen posture finally breaking as he leant on the railing to get a closer look.

The Doctor, however, seemed to have different ideas. “This technology's wrong.”

Rose turned to look at him. “Trouble?”

“Oh, yeah.” He replied, sending her a grin. Ianto found himself rolling his eyes for perhaps the fiftieth time that day.  _ Probably a new record, _ he reasoned.

A moment later, Suki violently flinched away from her position, her eyes snapping open as the connection was lost. One by one, in a similar way to before, each person rose from their own station. The beam stopped transmitting information and Cathica’s forehead closed up. She turned to Suki, her face flushed with annoyance.

“Come off it, Suki. I wasn't even halfway. What was that for?” She demanded.

“Sorry. It must've been a glitch.” Suki said, still wringing her hands. Ianto wondered if she had been badly hurt.

_ “Promotion.” _

Ianto snapped his head to look over at the wall, where a blue holographic screen had suddenly appeared, bearing the word ‘Promotion’.

“Come on. This is it. Come on. Oh God, make it me. Come on, say my name, say my name, say my name.” Cathica muttered, and Ianto privately thought that floor five-hundred must be something spectacular if the people here were this desperate to reach it. It made him curious enough to want to give it a visit himself, but there was no doubt that in the company of the Doctor he would probably end up there. The Doctor with a mystery was like a magpie who spotted a shiny piece of gold.

_ “Promotion for Suki Macrae Cantrell. Please proceed to floor five hundred.” _

Cathica’s shoulders visibly slumped as he co-worker stood up.

“I don't believe it. Floor five hundred.” Suki said, barely sounding like she dared to breathe.

“How the hell did you manage that? I'm above you.”

“I don't know. I just applied on the off chance and they've said yes.” She cried gleefully, turning around to grin at the others in the room. Nobody returned her smile.

“That's so not fair. I've been applying to Floor five hundred for three years.” Cathica moaned.

“What's Floor five hundred?” Rose asked quietly.

“The walls are made of gold.” The Doctor answered, frowning heavily as if floor five hundred had personally attacked him. Ianto snorted.  _ We’re definitely going to see floor five hundred, then. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Lauren here! Remi is away for the next few days so I'm posting their chapters. Hopefully, they should be able to reply to any comments but if not I will! They also should be back in time to post the next chapter, 'You Expect Me To Talk?', on Friday (however it may be a few hours later than usual)  
> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! We love reading all of y'all's thoughts and it gets us super excited for the chapters we're currently writing  
> As always, feel free to message or send us asks on tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez :D


	13. You Expect Me To Talk?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Actually Talks About His Feelings :o

“Cathica, I'm going to miss you. Floor five hundred, thank you.” Suki said, still sounding dazed.

After the disruption to their display, all employees had moved on with their day, leaving the four travellers to follow Cathica and Suki.

The Doctor, who the ‘thank you’ had been aimed at, looked back at Suki. “I didn't do anything.”

“Well, you're my lucky charm.” She grinned widely. Ianto suspected the good news had shocked her into insanity.

“All right. I'll hug anyone!” The Doctor gave in, pulling her into a hug. Rose turned to look at Adam, and upon seeing his morose expression let out a sigh. Ianto heard her, and before she could walk over to talk to him, he had put his arm out to stop her.

“Let me.” He told her, walking to stand next to Adam.

“You holding up okay?” He tentatively asked.

“What, after seeing that woman’s head open up?” He scoffed.

Ianto shrugged. “You see stranger things when travelling with the Doctor. You’ll get used to it.” He said, hoping deep down that Adam wouldn’t be travelling with them long enough to get used to anything.

“Yeah, but. It's everything. It freaks me out. And I just need to- if I could just-” He spoke, letting out far too many sighs for Ianto’s liking. “-cool down. Sort of acclimatise.”

“You need some time out?”

Adam smiled gratefully at him. “Yeah. Maybe I could just go and sit on the observation deck. Would that be all right? Soak it in, you know. Pretend I'm a citizen of the year two hundred thousand.”

He nodded. “Do you want any company? I could ask Rose...” He tapered off, hoping he declined as he didn’t want to drag Rose into babysitting the man any longer than she already had done.

“No, no, she should stick with the Doctor. She’d rather be with him. It's going to take a better man than me to get between those two.” He lamented, staring at the Doctor and Rose who were laughing at something together. Ianto thought this was probably the only intelligent thing he had said all day- or perhaps his entire life. “Anyway, I'll be on the deck.”

Ianto watched him walk off, hoping he had made the right decision. He imagined there would be no complaint from his friends when he told them they wouldn’t be seeing the man for a while. He wondered back over to them.

“Oh, my God, I've got to go. I can't keep them waiting. I'm sorry.” Suki said quickly, picking up her bag and running over to a nearby lift. “Say goodbye to Steve for me. Bye!”

The lift door closed on her.

“Good riddance.” Cathica muttered.

“You're talking like you'll never see her again. She's only going upstairs.” The Doctor pointed out, though by the look in his eyes Ianto knew he didn’t believe his own words. Ianto could feel that there was something plain  _ wrong  _ with the whole space station.

“We won't. Once you go to Floor five hundred you never come back.”

“Have you ever been up there?”

“I can't. You need a key for the lift, and you only get a key with promotion. No one gets to five hundred except for the chosen few.” She explained.

As the Doctor opened his mouth to ask another question, Rose turned to Ianto. “Should we go get some food?”

Ianto looked at her, his eyebrow quipped in a questioning manner. He could see the real meaning behind Rose’s words and decided to humour her. “Sure.”

They walked over towards the nearest tables, though despite her question Rose didn’t make a move to get any food. Ianto, thinking of the produce, was secretly glad.

“So…” He started, but Rose cut him off.

“What happened with Lisa?”

Ianto flinched at the name, his eyes going wide. “Excuse me?”

“When you killed that Dalek, you said her name. It  _ meant  _ something to you.” She implored.

“I already told you. She was my girlfriend, and then she died.”

Rose shot him a sympathetic look. “I know, and I’m sorry. What I don’t get is why you did what you did. I thought you said the Cyber-thing was what… you know.”

“Killed her.” Ianto finished, his tone turning defensive as he was faced with the uncomfortable conversation. “It was. Why do you care?”

Rose glared at him. “Why do I care? Ianto, I want to  _ understand  _ why you did what you did, and as your friend I want to help you.”

“Friend?” He asked, looking up at her all of a sudden. Her expression softened.

“Of course we’re friends! I might be mad at you, but I just want to know why you did it. Maybe then we can accept it and move on.” She suggested, and Ianto let out a deep sigh.

“I can’t tell you much, because it’s in the Doctor’s future- and quite possibly yours too.” He admitted, but upon seeing her unimpressed look hastened to speak again. “But I’ll tell you what I can.”

“That’s okay.” She said, reaching over to put her hand on Ianto’s.

“We met because we both worked together at Torchwood, only, it was a bigger office, not the one I work with now. At the time, I really thought she was ‘the one’. We were going to move in together in the Summer, but then  _ they  _ invaded.”

“They?”

“Cybermen. And the Daleks. They destroyed an entire branch of Torchwood, including Lisa. I was one of two dozen survivors, and less than a dozen of us haven't killed ourselves. It was a massacre.”

Rose looked stricken. “Oh God.”

“They tried to convert Lisa into a Cyberman, and I got her out- but she was too far gone. There was nothing I could do.” He admitted, thinking back to his early days at Torchwood Three and how hard he had worked to keep her alive. It took her attempt at world domination to convince Ianto that she had been dead the second she had left Torchwood One.

“So that’s why I couldn’t let the Dalek survive. They were partially responsible for everything that happened, and the thought of it happening again-” He said, stopping his sentence with a choked off noise.

“Ianto, God, I’m so sorry.” Rose apologised, standing up and pulling her friend into a long hug. He accepted the comfort, knowing without having to be told that Rose had forgiven him for his actions. He suspected that she had been ready to forgive and forget before she had called him over to talk, but it felt good to tell her the truth and properly give himself a chance to explain his actions.

They pulled away from each other. No words needed to be spoken.

By the time they had rejoined the Doctor and Cathica, in the peculiar white hexagonal room, he was in full conversation with the latter.

“There's no aliens on board. Why?” He demanded, and Ianto noticed that from his position sat on the central chair that he was fiddling with the buttons on its arm.

“I don't know. No real reason. They're not banned or anything.” She answered, her eyes confused.

“Then where are they?”

“I suppose immigration's tightened up. It's had to, what with all the threats.”

“What threats?”

Cathica paused. Neither of them had acknowledged Rose and Ianto’s entrance, too caught up in their questioning to stop. “I don't know all of them. Usual stuff. And the price of space warp doubled so that kept the visitors away. Oh, and the government on Chavic Five's collapsed, so that lot stopped coming, you see. Just lots of little reasons, that's all.”

“Sounds like she’s trying to convince herself, not us.” Rose muttered to Ianto who nodded in response.

The Doctor didn’t relent. “Adding up to one great big fact, and you didn't even notice.”

She stopped her pacing. “Doctor, I think if there was any kind of conspiracy, Satellite Five would have seen it. We see everything.”

“I can see better. This society's the wrong shape, even the technology.”

“It's cutting edge!” She exclaimed, looking offended.

“It's backwards. There's a great big door in your head. You should've chucked this out years ago.”

Rose decided enough was enough, and tried to get the Doctor to clue them in a bit more. “So, what do you think's going on?”

“It's not just this space station, it's the whole attitude. It's the way people think,” He said, gesturing at Cathica without thinking. Ianto winced at her offended look. “The great and bountiful Human Empire's stunted. Something's holding it back.”

“And how would you know?” She said hotly.

“Trust me, humanity's been set back about ninety years. When did Satellite Five start broadcasting?” 

She paused, looking between the three of them. “Ninety one years ago.”

Back on the emptier main space of floor one three nine, the Doctor had moved to inspect the closed elevator. He got his sonic out and was beginning to analyse the cupboard-like door to the left of the lift, his face pinched in focus.

“We are so going to get in trouble. You're not allowed to touch the mainframe. You're going to get told off.” Cathica whispered harshly, looking over her shoulder as if someone would catch them. Ianto suspected that security footage of their actions would be recorded regardless, which made sneaking around fairly pointless. 

“Rose, tell her to button it.” The Doctor mumbled.

“You can't just vandalise the place. Someone's going to notice!” She insisted. The Doctor continued to ignore her, and finally succeeded in swinging the door open.

“This is nothing to do with me,” Cathica decided, starting to walk away from them. “I'm going back to work.”

“Go on, then. See you!”

She stopped in her tracks and turned back to the group. They were now wrestling with wires, trying to understand how to get into the mainframe. Ianto turned to Cathica and gave her an unimpressed look. She sighed. “I can't just leave you, can I!”

“If you want to be useful, get them to turn the heating down. It's boiling. What's wrong with this place? Can't they do something about it?” Rose wiped the sweat from her brow.

“I don't know. We keep asking. Something to do with the turbine.”

“Something to do with the turbine.” The Doctor mocked.

“Well, I don't know!” Cathica pretty much shouted.

“Exactly. I give up on you, Cathica. Now, Rose. Look at Rose. Rose is asking the right kind of question.”

“Oh, thank you.” She said, beaming under the Doctor’s praise. Ianto finished untangling the wires he was holding and stuck his head back out.

“And who am I? The useless neighbour?” He asked sarcastically. Proving his point, the Doctor ignored him.

“Why is it so hot?”

“One minutes you're worried about the Empire and the next it's the central heating!”

“Well, never underestimate plumbing. Plumbing's very important-” He began, before a snapping noise rang out across the corridor they were in. He held a slightly smoking bunch of broken wires up, grinning like a lunatic. With one last effort he reached into the wires and dredged out a small monitor, giving it one tap with his sonic before it lit up. Ianto looked at the schematic it was showing, the futuristic looking object obviously being the space station they were on board.

“That’s Satellite Five?” He asked.

“Yup. Pipes and plumbing. Look at the layout.” The Doctor confirmed.

Cathica walked forwards to get a better view, looking uncomfortable yet intrigued. “This is ridiculous. You've got access to the computer's core. You can look at the archive, the news, the stock exchange…” She turned to give a confused glance at the Doctor. “-and you're looking at pipes?”

“But there's something wrong.”

Cathica gave the screen another look. “I suppose.”

“Why, what is it?” Rose asked, seeing nothing wrong.

“The top,” Ianto realised. “It’s cooling the top.”

“The ventilation system. Cooling ducts, ice filters, all working flat out channelling massive amounts of heat down.” She agreed.

“From floor five hundred.” Rose realised.

“Something up there is generating tons and tons of heat.” The Doctor stated.

Rose turned to smile at him. “Well, I don't know about you, but I feel like I'm missing out on a party. It's all going on upstairs. Fancy a trip?”

“You can't. You need a key.” Cathica pointed out.

The Doctor shrugged. “Keys are just codes, and I've got the codes right here. Here we go,” He said calmly, stepping forwards to mess with the screen again. “Override two one five point nine.”

The monitor changed to show the numbers 215.9976/31, which Ianto presumed must be the codes.

“How come it's given  _ you  _ the code?” Cathica gasped.

The Doctor looked directly into the camera in the corner of the screen. “Someone up there likes me.”

As if having heard his response, from beside them the doors to the lift opened. They made their way towards it, stopping only when the Doctor halted at the front. Cathica hung back, eager not to get involved any further than she already was.

“Come on. Come with us.” Rose spoke to her.

“No way.” Cathica said resolutely. “Don't mention my name. When you get in trouble, just don't involve me.”

She left the room, walking away from them. 

“That’s her gone.” Ianto said obviously. “And Adam’s still not here.”

“All ready to go then?” Rose asked, moving to step into the lift again. She was surprised to find herself stopped by the arm of the Time Lord. He gave her an apologetic look.

“Except I need you to stay on this floor, Rose.” He told her, guiltily not looking into her eyes. She stiffened and stood up straighter.

“What?” She exclaimed. “Why, you think I’m not up to seeing floor five hundred?”

“Nope,” The Doctor said with no sense of remorse. 

She gaped at him. “Are you being serious?” She asked, letting out a disbelieving laugh.

“Doctor, why can’t she-” Ianto tried, but was cut off.

“We need someone down here to keep investigating,” He lied. “Floor five hundred may not have all the answers.”

“That’s bullshit.” Rose shouted.

The Doctor, having stepped into the lift with Ianto during the argument, pressed a button on the wall. The doors began to close. “You should go find Adam, or something. Bye!”

The doors shut, leaving Rose in a state of confused anger.

From inside the lift Ianto turned to glare at the Doctor. “You didn’t have to insult her.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes you do,” Ianto insisted. “I get that you want to protect her, but she’d be much happier if you told her that rather than being rude to her.”

“Ianto,” The Doctor said, exasperated. “I  _ really  _ don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He folded his arms as the lift continued to rise up the many levels of Satellite Five.

“The walls are not made of gold. You should go back downstairs.”

Floor five hundred was nothing like Ianto had imagined it would be. After stepping out of the lift he had been hit with a wave of cool air, chilling him even through his suit layers. The layout looked like it had previously been a similar design to floor one three nine, yet was completely deserted and worn down. There was a dim blue light emitting through the floor which kept their vision limited, though Ianto could see enough to get an idea of how abandoned the decrepit lair was.

“I’m afraid you’re stuck with me.” Ianto replied, feeling a shiver pass through his body.

They made their way further into the open area, cautiously watching for any signs of movement. Seeing a brighter light shine from above a stairwell off to the right, they headed for that and began to climb. When they reached the other side they were shocked to see people- about half a dozen sitting, staring at a monitor and one man in a black suit standing behind them. Ianto took in the sight of the ones sitting down, noticing that they didn’t flinch at their entrance or seem to be responding to anything other than the screen in front of them. They looked completely frozen.

“I started without you,” The standing man said nonchalantly, launching into what Ianto could already tell was a rehearsed speech. “This is fascinating. Satellite Five contains every piece of information within the Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire. Birth certificates, shopping habits, bank statements, but you two, you don't exist. Not a trace. No birth, no job, not the slightest kiss. How can you walk through the world and not leave a single footprint?”

“Who are you?” Ianto demanded.

“Oh, they call me the Editor,” He said quickly, beaming at the question. “Where’s the other one in your little troupe? The blonde?”

“She’s safe. Away from here.” The Doctor said calmly.

“I  _ really  _ wouldn’t be too sure of that.” He said, chuckling. The Doctor tensed but refused to rise to his taunts. The Editor turned to one of the frozen figures. “Find her.”

“Suki!” Ianto suddenly exclaimed, catching sight of the girl from earlier. So this was the fate of those promoted to floor five hundred. She felt ice cold as Ianto reached to find a pulse. “What have you done to her? She’s got no pulse.”

“I think she's dead.” The Doctor spoke softly.

The Welshman frowned. “But she's still working. How can she still be working?”

He rounded on the Editor who only laughed. The Doctor decided to take over. “They've all got chips in their head, and the chips keep going, like puppets.”

“Oh! You're full of information,” The Editor crowed with delight. “But it's only fair we get some information back, because apparently, you're no one. It's so rare not to know something. Who are you?”

“It doesn't matter, because we're off. Nice to meet you. Come on.” He decisively instructed Ianto, and turned around to leave. But before he could take two steps in the direction of the lift there were two more ice cold humans in his way, grabbing his arms and preventing his escape. From his place by the monitors, Ianto felt Suki grab his arm tightly and he squirmed to break her hold. His heart rate increased as he realised they were stuck.

“Tell me who you are.”

The Doctor grinned ruefully at him. “Since that information is keeping us alive, I'm hardly going to say, am I?”

“Well, perhaps my Editor in Chief can convince you otherwise.” The Editor said ominously. The Doctor snapped his eyes up, not expecting the man to be the second in command.

“And who's that?”

The Editor paused, contemplating his next words. “It may interest you to know that this is not the Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire. In fact, it's not actually human at all. It's merely a place where humans happen to live.”

A hideous growling, snarling noise suddenly filled the room, coming from nowhere in particular and yet everywhere at once. Ianto tried to prise the arm of his wrist while the room was distracted, but Suki didn’t seem perturbed by the noise. Her grip was as solid as it was to begin with.

The Editor appeared to be appeasing whatever was making the noise, as if he could understand it. “Yeah. Yeah, sorry.” The snarling finally stopped, and he turned back to the Doctor. “It's a place where humans are allowed to live by kind permission of my client.”

He pointed up to the ceiling, and Ianto followed the movement. He gasped loudly as he caught sight of a ginormous, almost gelatinous mass hanging above them, covered in some liquid. At the centre of the hideous creature there was a snarling mouth, with teeth that looked sharp enough to break diamond. Ianto recoiled as it let out another loud roar, watching as it moved and let out an accompanying squelching noise.

“What the hell is that?” He shouted, his Welsh accent thickening as his worry increased.

“You mean that thing's in charge of Satellite Five?” The Doctor asked, looking less bothered than Ianto thought he ought to be. It seemed the Editor didn’t appreciate his lack of concern.

“That  _ thing _ , as you put it, is in charge of the human race. For almost a hundred years, mankind has been shaped and guided, his knowledge and ambition strictly controlled by it's broadcast news, edited by my superior, your master, and humanity's guiding light,” He said, pausing dramatically to hold his arms out. “The mighty Jagrafess of the Holy Hadrojassic Maxarodenfoe.”

He looked at the Doctor and grinned widely, his voice changing to a whisper. “I call him Max.”

Three hundred and sixty one floors below, Rose wiped her brow of the sweat that had gathered there, due either to the humid heat on the floor or her overwhelming conflicted emotions that came from the situation she found herself in. Despite what the Doctor had told her, she was  _ not  _ going to waste her time trying to find Adam while the Time Lord risked his and Ianto’s lives investigating upstairs. If she had the Doctor’s sonic, or knew how to override the lift codes, she would already be on her way upstairs to join them. As it stood, she found herself feeling particularly useless.

“Cathica!” She suddenly called, catching sight of the other woman. Her head whipped around to face Rose, the neutral expression she bore changing into a frown of disdain as soon as their eyes locked. She turned on her heels and stalked off. “Cathica, wait!”

She lost sight of her in the forest of bodies that hummed around the busy station. Quickly wading her way through the crowd in the direction she last saw Cathica moving, Rose tried not to inadvertently hit the members of the public as she ran forwards. Catching sight of familiar black hair, Rose rushed towards the figure and grabbed onto her shoulders.

“Get away.” Cathica hissed as she pulled them into a corner, hidden from view of the others. “Why can’t you leave me to get on with my job? I told you, I don’t want anything more to do with you and your friends.”

“But you can’t just give up!” Rose said fervently. “My friends left me down here but I need to get up to them. You can help!”

“Me? What can I do?” Cathica laughed mirthlessly.

“You know how to operate this place! You can get us up there.”

“Why would you think I would want to go up there?”

Rose gave her a look. “You were pretty eager to get to floor five hundred earlier today.”

“That was before your Doctor stuck his nose in! I want nothing to do with it.” Cathica insisted. Rose sighed in a frustrated manner. She went over to the lift, reaching to play with the tampered monitor again. The screen popped up with a red ‘Access Denied’ sigh and she thumped it noisily.

“You couldn’t just get it set up to take me, no?” She questioned Cathica who looked at her guiltily.

“I’ve done enough already.”

“Oh, for God’s-” Rose began but was cut off by the noise of the elevator door opening in front of her. For a split second she thought she had somehow succeeded in getting it to work, despite the monitor telling her the opposite. Then she saw the figures inside the lift and felt an icy hand grab her arm and pull her in.

“Cathica!” She shouted loudly as she tugged at the arm, but before the woman could respond the door slammed shut and the lift began to rise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my goddddd I am so sorry for how late this is. I had a 4hr 45 drive today plus then Lauren was at a friends and then I got mildly intoxicated and then Lauren started rambling about 'theology' (don't believe that she's smart, if you really knew what the theology was you would not think so. but she wants me to add that she is smart, she just chooses not to show it.)
> 
> Rose and Ianto have finally made up!!! Yay!!! This episode culminates with 'No, I Expect You to Die' coming to you on Sunday.  
> Tumblrs: @thirteeninafez and @garknessandbones :))))))


	14. No, I Expect You to Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Lives Out His Bond(age) Fantasy

Back on floor five hundred, both the Doctor and Ianto had somehow had their situation turn from bad to worse. The icy cold zombie-like humans had dragged them to a metal contraption, locking their arms in thick steel shackles which had no give and wouldn’t be easy to escape out of (despite Ianto’s most fervent attempts.) They fixed their steely glares on the Editor, who was taking a great deal of glee in their predicament, still happily babbling his plan to his captured prey. He reminded Ianto of a typical overexcited Bond villain, though perhaps he was less ‘Ernst Stavro Blofeld’ and more like the cat who sat on top of his lap.

“Create a climate of fear and it's easy to keep the borders closed. It's just a matter of emphasis. The right word in the right broadcast repeated often enough can destabilise an economy, invent an enemy, change a vote.” He babbled, looking very pleased with himself.

“You’re keeping the people of Earth trapped like slaves.” Ianto shot at him.

The Editor looked happy with his comment. “Well, now, there's an interesting point. Is a slave a slave if he doesn't know he's enslaved?”

“Yes.” The Doctor replied without pausing to think.

“Oh. I was hoping for a philosophical debate,” He said, sounding disappointed. He made his way closer towards their position. “Is that all I'm going to get? Yes?

“Yes.”

He peeled off into low laughter. “You're no fun.”

“Let me out of these manacles. You'll find out how much fun I am.”

If the Editor was the villain, the Doctor was definitely playing the role of Bond. Their captor seemed to agree. “Oh, he's tough, isn't he. But, come on,” He said, opening his arms around him. “Isn't it a great system? You've got to admire it, just a little bit.”

“Not one bit of this is great,” Ianto said. “How hasn’t anybody discovered your plans before? Or have you just killed them?”

“Well, the computer chip system allows me to see inside everybody’s brains. I can see the smallest doubt and crush it. Then they just carry on, living the life, strutting about downstairs and all over the surface of the Earth like they're so individual, when of course, they're not. They're just cattle. In that respect, the Jagrafess hasn't changed a thing.”

“How did you get here?” Ianto demanded. “The Jagrafess doesn’t look the most nimble of creatures.”

“No, he needed a little hand to install himself.” The Editor smirked, pointing up at the ceiling.

“No wonder, a creature that size. What's his life span?” The Doctor asked, trying to keep him talking as long as possible so he could come up with a means of escape.

“Three thousand years.”

“That's one hell of a metabolism generating all that heat. That's why Satellite Five's so hot. You pump it out of the creature, channel it downstairs. Jagrafess stays cool, it stays alive. Satellite Five is one great big life support system.” He realised, and seeing the Editor smile knew he was right.

“You’re far more intelligent that your face lets on. And yet, not clever enough to keep this one out of trouble.” He laughed, cocking his head towards the entrance. As he finished speaking, three figures stepped into their room- two of them looking pale and lifeless like the other dead humans around them, but the one figure in the middle had a familiar blonde hairstyle and London accent.

“Get off me!” Rose shouted, futile in her attempts at escape.

“Rose!” Ianto shouted, pulling at his shackles with renewed vigour at the sight of his friend.

“Rose, you say?” The Editor said, reaching out to touch her shoulder. The Doctor glared daggers at him as she tried to twitch away from his hand, unsuccessfully. “Tell me who you are!”

The Doctor, unwilling to risk the lives of Ianto and now Rose, spoke. “Leave her alone. I'm the Doctor, she's Rose Tyler, and he’s Ianto Jones. We're nothing, we're just wandering.”

“Tell me who you are! Who do you work for? Who sent you? Who knows about us? Who exactly-”

He broke off, suddenly gasping as his eyes widened. He turned to look at the Doctor with something new in his eyes. The Jagrafess snarled, and in the commotion Ianto caught sight of a figure behind the screen.  _ Cathica? _

“Time Lord.” The Editor said, gleefully.

“What?”

“Oh, yes. The last of the Time Lords in his travelling machine. Oh, with his little human friends from long ago-”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” The Doctor denied, wincing as he saw the man’s hand grip tightly on Rose’s shoulder.

“Time travel.”

“That’s impossible.” Ianto lied, trying to cover their tracks. The Editor chuckled.

“Young master Adam Mitchell?” He said, gesturing to the air in front of him which suddenly shimmered to reveal a live image of Adam. He was sitting in the broadcast chair from earlier, his head open like Cathica’s with a white beam of information streaming into his brain. He was screaming, his yells for help being heard by nobody except them through the holographic image.

“Well, he’s off the Tardis team, then. I f  we get back, that is.” Ianto muttered.

“Oh, my God. His head!” Rose yelled.

“What the hell's he done? What the hell's he gone and done? They're reading his mind. He's telling them everything.” The Doctor said, his voice laced with both anger and worry.

“And through him, I know everything about you,” The Editor told them, his vision fixed on the Doctor. “Every piece of information in his head is now mine. And you have infinite knowledge, Doctor. The Human Empire is tiny compared to what you've seen in your T-A-R-D-I-S. Tardis.”

“Well, you'll never get your hands on it. I'll die first.” He snarled in response.

“Die all you like. I don't need you. I've got the key.” He said, going over to Rose once more. He reached into her pocket, squirming around for longer than Ianto thought was necessary, until he reappeared with a golden key. “Today, we are the headlines. We can rewrite history. We could prevent mankind from ever developing.”

“And no one's going to stop you because you've bred a human race that doesn't bother to ask questions. Stupid little slaves, believing every lie. They'll just trot right into the slaughter house if they're told it's made of gold.”

Ianto noticed movement from the corner of his vision again. Cathica, having stayed still throughout the commotion, turned slightly and locked eyes with Ianto. Something passed between them, and though she turned on her heels and left the room he knew she wasn’t giving up.

Barely a minute after she left, a sudden beep began to emanate from the screens in front of them. The Editor ran over towards them, looking to see what was going on. “What’s happening? Someone's disengaged the safety. Who's that?”

From the screen above, the beam of light shooting into Adam’s brain completely stopped. Before they could see him recover, to show a the screen changed to a  blue-white setting. Ianto recognised it as floor five hundred- and then he spotted Cathica, sitting on the broadcast chair with her brain open once again. He grinned.

“It's Cathica.” Rose said.

“And she's thinking. She's using what she knows.” The Doctor breathed, looking impressed.

“Terminate her access.” The Editor muttered.

“Everything I told her about Satellite Five. The pipes, the filters, she's reversing it,” The Doctor said, barely sounding like he believed it. 

“Doctor. The ice.” Ianto pointed out, looking to where drips of water were beginning to fall from the icicles in the room. It was getting hotter, and things were beginning to melt. He finally let himself believe that there may yet be an escape from this nightmare. 

“It's getting hot.” The Doctor agreed.

The no longer so ice cold people holding Rose’s arms suddenly felt weaker in their grips, and Rose took the opportunity to finally yank her arms out of their grasps. She ran to the Doctor and Ianto, 

“I said, terminate!” The Editor cried out, distracted from the goings on behind him. “Burn out her mind!”

_ “Oh no, you don't. You should have promoted me years back.”  _ The Cathica on the screen muttered. Ianto couldn’t stop the grin that came across his face.

The console suddenly exploded into sparks, going blank. From above them the Jagrafess yelled in pain, or anger, and Rose managed to help wrestle Ianto out of his shackles. He rubbed his wrists, glad to have movement back again, before the Doctor was talking once more.

“She's venting the heat up here. The Jagrafess needs to stay cool and now it's sitting on top of a volcano.”

“Yes, I'm trying, sir, but I don't know how she did it. It's impossible. A member of staff with an idea-” The Editor tried to explain to the beast above, but was cut off by the loudest growl yet. As the Doctor instructed Rose on how to use his sonic to release his own manacles, he quickly made his way over to the man who was now distracted by his attempt at working the broken screen in front of him.

Ianto reached out, his eyes fixed on his target, and within half a second had snatched the Tardis key out of the Editor’s grip.

“I’ll be taking that, thank you.” He said calmly, rushing back to the Doctor and Rose as the Editor looked helplessly between him and the screen, unsure what to focus his attention on.

The Doctor, finally free, turned to face the villainous man. “Oi, mate, want to bank on a certainty? Massive heat in a massive body, massive bang. See you in the headlines!”

He turned around and followed Rose and Ianto, who by now were running out of the area. From behind them they heard the Editor screaming to be let go, and the three of them could only smirk in satisfaction as they heard him hit the ground loudly.

“Doctor- Cathica!” Ianto shouted as they entered floor five hundred’s broadcasting terminal. In all the commotion, the woman sat perfectly still as the silver beam of light continued to stream into her head. The Doctor quickly snapped his fingers, closing the portal, and they were all heavily relieved to see her open her eyes again.

“You did it!” Ianto beamed, offering a hand for her to take to help her off the chair. A falling icicle landed barely two feet away from them, shattering into thousands of pieces.

“We need to get out of here. Now.”

A few hours later, on the now vastly cooler floor 139 the group of time travellers managed to reunite for the first time since stepping foot on the space station. They had found Adam practically hanging his head in shame as he sat, undisturbed on one of the tables which hadn’t been thrown to the floor in the commotion of that afternoon. Since then, the Doctor had refused to let him out of his sight, whereas Ianto had taken his own initiative and gone off to help an old woman who had been thrown to the floor by a particularly large jolt in the ship.

“Ianto!” The Doctor called, dragging him away from the lady who was now back on her feet. He returned to their group to see that they were in conversation with Cathica. “We're just going to go. I hate tidying up. Too many questions. You'll manage."

“You'll have to stay and explain it. No one's going to believe me.” She begged.

“Oh, they might start believing a lot of things now. The human race should accelerate. All back to normal.” He finished, grinning.

“What about your friend?”

The Doctor’s face hardened again. “He's not my friend.”

“Now, don't-” Rose began, but Ianto cut her off with an eyebrow raise.

From beside the Tardis, Adam wiped his hands on his jeans. “I'm all right now. Much better. Look, it's-” He stuttered as the Doctor walked menacingly towards him. “It all worked out for the best, didn't it? You know,” The Doctor grabbed his arm as he unlocked the Tardis. “-it's not actually my fault, because you were in charge.”

The Doctor shoved him into the Tardis, and Ianto hurried to catch up. 

Two minutes later they were leaving the Tardis again, this time entering a softly decorated living room.

“It's my house. I'm home! Oh, my God, I'm home!” He broke off, laughing in disbelief. His schooled his excited expression as he turned back to the unimpressed Doctor. “Blimey. I thought you were going to chuck me out of an airlock.”

“Is there something else you want to tell me?” The Time Lord demanded.

“No. What do you mean?” He stuttered, watching as the Doctor walked over to his telephone and lifted up the answering machine.

“The archive of Satellite Five. One second of that message could've changed the world.”

Adam gave him a guilty look. The next second, his sonic screwdriver was out and the entire telephone was sparking and exploding.

“That's it, then. See you.” The Doctor finished nonchalantly, walking back towards the Tardis.

“How do you mean, see you?” Adam cut in before he could leave.

“As in goodbye.”

“But what about me? You can't just go. I've got my head. I've got a chip type two. My head opens.”

“What, like this?” He asked, and then proceeded to click his fingers.

The hole in Adam’s head suddenly opened, revealing his brain underneath. “Don't.” Adam said, annoyed. He clicked his own fingers and closed it.

“Don't do what?” The Doctor teased, clicking his fingers again.

“Stop it!” Adam shouted, closing it.

“All right now, Doctor, that's enough. Stop it.” Rose cut in, not surprising Ianto. She smiled kindly at Adam.

“Thank you.” He said gratefully, turning to look at her.

And then Ianto  _ was  _ surprised when Rose clicked her fingers and the door opened yet another time. He couldn’t hold in the laugh that escaped him, but stopped when Adam gave him a long glare.

“Oi!”

“Sorry, I couldn't resist.” Rose said honestly. With one last click it was closed for the final time. The Doctor turned back to Adam, his face serious once more.

“The whole of history could have changed because of you.”

“I just wanted to help.”

The Time Lord scoffed. “You were helping yourself.”

“And I'm sorry. I've said I'm sorry, and I am, I really am, but you can't just leave me like this.” He begged, looking desperate. It wasn’t convincing enough to fool any of the others in the room.

“Yes I can. 'Cause if you show that head to anyone, they'll dissect you in seconds. You'll have to live a very quiet life. Keep out of trouble. Be average, unseen. Good luck.” He finished, pushing the Tardis door open.

“But I want to come with you.” He whined and Ianto rolled his eyes.  _ Would he ever shut up?  _

“I only take the best. I've got Rose.” The Doctor said. Ianto coughed from beside him. “Oh, and I suppose Ianto too.”

“Thanks.” The Welshman muttered dryly, and then proceeded to follow him into the Tardis.

After thirty seconds, they were joined by Rose. She regarded the two of them, but her eyes stayed fixed on the Doctor. Ianto sensed the ongoing tension, and put his hands up to point towards the corridor which led to the kitchen.

“I’m going to pop some coffee on.” He said quickly, leaving the main Tardis area and the two of them alone.

The second he was out of earshot, Rose turned to the Doctor and opened her mouth. However, he spoke before she got a chance to.

“If you’re gonna moan about leaving that lettuce-head back home then I’m not going to apologise.” He spoke, flicking a lever on the Tardis absentmindedly.

“I wasn’t, actually.” Rose said, walking to where he was standing to make him look at her. He turned, shock evident on his face.

“Oh? You agree then? Don’t mind me breaking you and your boyfriend up?” He asked, almost challengingly.

Rose snorted. “Yeah, can we stop calling him that now? He’s not exactly my kind of boyfriend material.”

The Doctor turned to her. “And what would be?”

She raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at her lips as she thought. “Well, you know. Brave, for one thing. Adam wasn’t very brave. Loyal. Charismatic. And intelligent, I like an intelligent boyfriend.” 

“Well,” The Doctor began, turning to press a button on the Tardis which essentially broke their gaze. “Mickey sounds loyal, but I wouldn’t call him particularly intelligent. Or charismatic, for that matter.”

Rose bit her lip as the Doctor turned back to shoot her a wide, completely-missing-the-point grin. “Right.” There was an awkward pause. “You left me, earlier.”

“Did I?” The Doctor said, putting effort into making his voice sound distracted. “Lots of things happened today. Busy alien space station, big blob at the top exploding too- and the plumbing-”

“Doctor.” Rose cut him off, causing him to stop in his tracks and meet her eyes. “Why didn’t you let me go to floor five hundred. And don’t give me that nonsense about me ‘not being up to it’, because that’s never stopped you before.”

He looked guiltily at her. “It was dangerous.”

“And?” She asked, frowning. “Everything we do is dangerous.”

“But this was particularly dangerous- and I already had Ianto.”

“It’s always helpful to have another pair of hands with you!” She pointed out.

The Doctor paused, considering his words carefully before he started to speak slowly. “Well, the risk of you getting hurt wasn’t worth the help you might have been. I made a decision based on that.”

“You were protecting me.” She realised. She looked at the Doctor, expecting his uncomfortable look and bracing herself for him to brush her words off like usual.

“Yeah. I was.” He said, shocking her.

She smiled. “Doctor, I know what I signed up for when I went travelling with you. You don’t have to protect me.”

His mouth opened and closed as he contemplated a response which wasn’t forming in his mouth. Rose took pity on him and squeezed his hand over the lever it was holding.

“Just, don’t do it again.” She told him. “Or I will start to get mad.”

He laughed. “Now  _ that’s  _ something I don’t fancy seeing. Rose Tyler, properly mad at me.”

“You’d better be careful then.” She joked, feeling grateful as the tension in the air dissipated.

“Come on then. Next trip’s on you- wherever, whenever you want to go.” He said, running excitedly over to the other side of the console. Rose wondered if this was his way of trying to apologise to her.

“I’ll have a think.” She decided.

When Ianto had finally finished making a fresh pot of coffee, he heard the familiar noise of footsteps coming from the door behind him. He turned round and came face to face with Rose, who was smiling.

“Got it all sorted out, then?” He asked her.

“I don’t know what you mean.” She lied, barely able to keep her expression straight.

He laughed at her face, which wasn’t fooling anyone. “Dealt with the stubborn boyfriend?”

She gave him a large grin. “Could do with some tips, if you’ve got any.”

“Oh, I’m sure I could help. Speaking from experience myself.” He admitted, chuckling inwardly at the way her eyes widened a fraction.

“Experience?” She asked coyly, wiggling her eyebrows at him. He winked in return.

“That’s a story for another time,” He decided, holding up a second mug. “Coffee?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First thing: Thank GOD we are done with The Long Game (and in extension, Adam).  
> Thanks for all the kudos and comments on the last few chapters! Next up is our take on Father's day. It goes quite awry from the canonical episode, but we hope you enjoy our take on it!  
> Find us on Tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	15. Father's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Gets Checked Out By the Queen

It was a slow day on the Tardis, a very rare occasion. In fact, Ianto couldn’t remember there  _ ever _ being a slow day since he joined the Doctor and Rose. Yet, here it was. There had been no hyperactive alien hammering on his door at god knows what time, no angry Rose yelling at said alien to shove off from the room next to his, and no huffy alien stomping back down the corridors.

Ianto revelled in what was quite possibly his only chance for a lie in, ever in his life. He watched as the view behind his eyelids turned from black to orange when the Tardis lights came up. The bed in his room wasn’t big; his feet overhung the edge when he wriggled down off his pillow to stretch his arms up. Slowly, joint by joint, knuckle by knuckle, he clicked his bones back into place before settling back down with a content sigh.

It wasn’t long before his legs ached and his hands itched. However much Ianto knew he should enjoy this, years of habit were hard to argue with. He dragged himself out of bed, taking his time to pick out a suit, pull on his socks, knot his tie, and smooth down his lapels. The Tardis’ wardrobe room had been a blessing, when he’d finally been told about it. He’d worn the same suit three days before Rose had finally taken pity and ended the Doctor’s hazing. 

The kitchen lights were off when he got there. A flick of the switch revealed the mugs from last night, now washed and ready to be reused. Only two were on the counter, Ianto’s matte black one (that was somehow identical to the one in the hub) and the Doctor’s ‘I’m from otter space’ mug. Rose must still be asleep. Ianto drank his first mug while he prepared the Doctor’s, only venturing out into the rest of the Tardis when he felt awake enough to be vaguely sociable.

Ianto found the Doctor in the console room, squatting at the base of the console and fiddling with some sparking wires. He set the steaming cup on the floor next to the Doctor. 

The time lord flicked up the goggles on his strange headgear, picking up the coffee with relish. “Finally! You humans need so much sleep.” 

“You didn’t come hammering on my door. Bored of playing an annoying alarm clock?” Ianto watched with amusement as the Doctor took a long gulp of coffee, then a gasp of cold air when it burnt the back of his throat. He sat down on the jumpseat and made a show of blowing on his own mug before taking a sip. Still hot, but not quite scalding.

The Doctor scowled. He took off his headgear before joining Ianto. The seat creaked and rocked under both of their weight. “Couldn’t find Rose’s room; the Tardis must be protecting her from me for some reason.”

“Well, I reckon she’ll be grateful for the lie in. She is  _ not  _ a morning person.”

“Hmm.” The Doctor agreed, before they lapsed into the usual routine when Rose wasn’t around. 

Ianto would ask questions about the Tardis, seemingly just intently curious. In fact, he was just trying to catch the Doctor out and prove, once and for all, that he actually had no idea what half the controls did. When he had asked outright– as outright as ‘who taught you to fly it?’ was– the Doctor had just said, “I’ve known as long as I can remember” and when Ianto asked if he could study the manual, the answer had been even worse. “I threw it into a supernova. It was annoying.” Annoyingly, even if he hadn’t read the manual or been taught how to fly it, he could still give a long and excessively complicated explanation of the use and workings of every single part Ianto pointed to. It all went straight over his head. Science was never his best subject; not that he was particularly bad, he’d just preferred history. 

Some of the names the Doctor spouted, more memorably ‘the red anti-paradox button’ and ‘timey-wimey thingamajig’ sounded completely made up. Then again, Ianto named things ‘life knife’ and ‘risen mitten’ and still knew what they were, so he couldn’t really use that as a valid judgement.

He reckoned his best bet was to wait a while, and ask something he’d already asked. However, when he tried that the Doctor just gave him a funny look and, “Honestly Ianto, you asked me about the helmic regulator last week.” To which Ianto had cheekily replied with, “Just checking you remembered. Wouldn’t want to land a year late again.”

When Rose finally came into the console room, the Doctor and Ianto were in a heated debate over whether or not the shiny metallic ball the Doctor was bouncing from hand to hand was a highly important piece of Gallifreyan technology, the likes of which no human brain could ever completely comprehend, or as Ianto succinctly put it: a glorified bouncy ball.

“Ianto, the Atmosphere Concealment Warp-Illuminator is not a  _ toy _ .”

“Then  _ why, _ ” Ianto snatched the ball from the Doctor mid toss. “Does it bounce?” To demonstrate his point he bounced a few times between his feet like basketball.

“Don’t bounce it!” The Doctor stole it back.

“Why not? You were literally just bouncing it yourself!”

“This is serious equipment! Finely tuned by the greatest engineers in the galaxy. One wrong bounce and all the components will be out of sync.”

“So you’re saying I’m too stupid to bounce the shiny rubber  _ bouncy ball _ .”

“Exactly.” The Doctor smiled smugly at him. Ianto was still muttering annoyed curses under his breath when they noticed Rose. The Doctor’s smile faded when he noticed her expression, turning into a concerned pursing of his lips. 

She leant against the console, facing them but eyes downcast. She stared at a worn wallet-sized photo in her hand. The corners were creased, layers of paper splitting from where her fingers had worried at them.

Ianto caught a glimpse of a smiling man when it was angled towards him. “Who’s that?” He asked tentatively.

She chewed her lip, then handed him the photo. A balding ginger man stared back at him. It was old, from the 80s Ianto assumed by the man’s clothes. Only the 80s could’ve caused a fashion mistake like that.

“Peter Alan Tyler, my dad. The most wonderful man in the world. Born 15th September 1954.” 

Ianto gave her the photo back as she spoke.

“I wasn’t old enough to remember when he died, but mum told me about it. 1987, 7th of November. The day that Stuart Hoskins and Sarah Clarke got married. He was always having adventures. He would have loved to see me now.” Rose was obviously lost somewhere in a haze of memory, probably remembering the way Jackie described him. She cleared her throat and focused on the Doctor. “That's what Mum always says. So I was thinking, could we, could we go and see my dad when he was still alive?”

The Doctor looked at her, his face serious. Ianto hated being on the receiving end of that look; it made him feel like the Doctor could see into his very soul. The Doctor took a sip of lukewarm coffee, then lowered the mug, drumming his fingers against it as he took his time replying. The ball lay abandoned on the floor by his feet. “Where's this come from, all of a sudden?”

Rose sighed. “All right then, if we can't, if it goes against the laws of time or something,” She turned away from him, fiddling nervously with something on the console, “then never mind, just leave it.”

“No, I can do anything.” The Doctor said quickly. Ianto rolled his eyes. He was still sometimes astounded by how the 900 year old Time Lord could be so completely wrapped around Rose’s little finger without her even realising. “I'm just more worried about you.”

“I want to see him.” 

The Doctor smiled, not quite as carefree as usual. There was something in his eyes that betrayed his concern. It made Ianto concerned too. “Your wish is my command. But be careful what you wish for.”

It wasn’t hard to sneak into the wedding. It was a simple affair, no more than ten, maybe fifteen people attending. They had booked out a room at the registry office. There was no need for an usher in a room that small. No one asked if they were on the bride’s side or the groom’s. No one questioned them at all. It’s funny, how if you walk into a place like you should be there, no one suspects a thing. Even if the people in question aren’t even wearing clothes from that century. The only one who even vaguely looked like he belonged there was Ianto in his suit.

Jackie looked just the same. There was a fire behind the soft smile on her face. She wasn’t wearing white, just a blush pink pantsuit. The way the groom, Pete, Rose’s dad, was dressed would’ve looked as comfortable in a courtroom as it did in the bare room, if it weren’t for the matching pink flower in his buttonhole.

There wasn’t any fanfare. No music for Jackie to walk down the aisle to; there was barely an aisle to walk down. Nothing really symbolised when the ceremony officially started. One minute there was the quiet hum of voices speaking, the next Jackie and Pete were standing facing each other and the room fell into silence. The registar barely gave an introduction before launching into the vows.

“I, Peter Alan Tyler, take you, Jacqueline Angela Suzette Prentice…”

Pete took Jackie’s hand, his other going up to hook a finger into the collar of his shirt and adjust it. “I, Peter Alan Tyler, take you, Jacqueline Suzanne- Suzette, “He stuttered and paused, glancing at the registrar and then to the guests awkwardly, as though he was looking for a clue. “Anita-?”

Jackie interrupted before he could make even more of a fool of himself. “Oh, just carry on. It's good enough for Lady Di.”

Ianto glanced at the Doctor, expecting him to echo his uncomfortable look. Instead he was met by the Doctor’s classic grin. Ianto rolled his eyes. For someone who loved travelling with humans so much, he really couldn’t read the tone of a room properly.

“I thought he'd be taller.” Rose whispered on Ianto’s other side. He didn’t respond, but he slid his hand over to where Rose’s rested on her lap. She turned hers palm up to hold his and he squeezed lightly. She squeezed back, never once taking her eyes off her parents. Ianto just watched her expression out of the corner of his eye.

The registrar continued with the ceremony. “To be my lawful wedded wife, to love and behold till death us do part.”

Something unreadable flickered over Rose’s face at the mention of death, mixing with the curiosity and sadness. Her expression barely changed for the rest of the ceremony but she smiled when her parents kissed. It didn’t last long; Ianto had seen much longer wedding kisses than that, his sister’s for one, but he’d also seen shorter. It was chaste and simple, without fanfare. Just like the rest of the ceremony.

The Doctor rested his hand on Ianto’s shoulder and stood, back hunched slightly in an attempt at stealth. Ianto squeezed Rose’s one more time as he tugged her from her seat. She was still watching her parents, only turning away when the legs of the chairs threatened to trip her up. They slipped out as everyone applauded, leaving while there was a distraction. They went as they came, silent and unnoticed.

Rose held Ianto’s hand the entire walk back to the Tardis. Ianto held hers back. He wondered, if he let go, if she would stay. He wondered if the Doctor would let her.

The mood was still somber when they got back to the Tardis, despite the fact Rose had cheered up slightly at the sight of her parents' happily married. The Doctor was trying his usual remedy of ignore it and make stupid jokes until either the mood lightens up or someone shouts at him to shut up. As it went, neither of those things happened. Rose sat down on the jumpseat to, quite literally, sit in her melancholy, while Ianto went to the galley to fix her a cup of tea. He understood, even though the Doctor was obviously perplexed by this coming out of the blue. Grief came and went in waves with absolutely no rhyme or reason. Being on a time machine, he was honestly surprised she hadn’t asked the Doctor this earlier. After all, if he had been a little younger, he would’ve begged to be able to go and visit Lisa, even just to watch her from afar. As it was, he was sick of reopening those old wounds just before they had fully scarred over.

By the time he came back with Rose’s favourite mug (it reminded him uncannily of Jack’s blue cornishware one back at the hub, but with bright yellow stripes), the Doctor was still talking, now onto the topic of the time he’d met Springsteen –“helped inspire born to run, me. Not that anyone who knows me would be surprised”– and didn’t seem like he’d be slowing down anytime soon. Ianto silenced him with a single look as he passed the mug to Rose and sat down next to her.

Rose took the new found silence as permission to talk. “He died so close to home. Nobody was there.” She stared into her mug. “It was a hit and run driver. Never found out who. He was dead when the ambulance got there. I only wish there'd been someone there for him.” Rose looked up then, right at the Doctor. Their positions from earlier had been reversed, now he was the one standing awkwardly at the console. Ianto could imagine what she was about to ask; he only wondered whether it would be the request the Doctor finally refused.

“I want to be that someone,” Rose’s eyes glistened, “so he doesn't die alone.”

“Rose…” The Doctor said gently.

“You said you could do anything.” Rose argued, before the Doctor had even said no.

“I know. It’s not that I  _ can’t _ do it, I just–”

Rose cut him off again, now twisting in her seat to face Ianto. “Wouldn’t you want an extra day with your dad, Ianto?”

Ianto huffed a humourless laugh, just a puff of air sharply exhaled. “Honestly Rose, no. But my dad wasn’t exactly a man you’d want to meet twice.”

“What about Lisa?” 

Ianto stiffened, meeting Rose’s eyes. He realised, as soon as she said it, that she regretted it. It was written all over her face, the way her mouth hung open, hand half covering it, her eyebrows knitting together in apology and remorse.

“Ianto, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…”

Ianto smiled softly at her, shaking her head. “She’s a ghost that deserves to rest. And she didn’t have to die alone. I got to be with her.” 

The Doctor looked between them then turned to the Console, flipping levers and pressing buttons “November the 7th?”

Rose smiled gratefully. “1987. Just outside the estate.”

The Doctor spun a knob (Ianto swore he’d never even see the Doctor touch that before. Does he actually know how to fly this thing?) and the time rotor started up.

“Doctor?” He turned to Ianto, eyebrow raised. “Can you drop me off in central London?” Ianto looked to Rose. “It’s a private thing, I don’t want to intrude. Besides, there’s this coffee shop I love that’s closed in my time, I’d like to pick up some beans.”

The Doctor nodded. “Central London it is.”

Ianto watched the Tardis dematerialise before heading off down the quiet street. As he walked, memories of Canary Wharf flicked through his mind, half triggered by the distinctively London streets, half by the conversation with Rose. What he had said to her was right, Lisa hadn’t died alone. She had died in his arms, as he dragged her partially converted body from the wreckage. It had taken him a long time to understand that, and to realise that Jack hadn’t killed Lisa that day in the Hub. He had killed something wearing Lisa’s face, something inhuman masquerading as the woman he loved. 

It still hurt, a hot pain in his chest whenever she was mentioned or he saw something that reminded him of her, but it had cooled from the raging fire that had consumed him at first. He knew it would never truly die out, not until his own life ended, however short that life might be. It would always be with him, that fire, that pain, but he didn’t mind. It made him who he was. To forget the pain, to forget Lisa, would be to become a different person. He would no longer be Ianto Jones. The pain was bearable now. 

He was happy, even before he’d started travelling with the Doctor. But it was more than just being happy, it was knowing that he had survived. He had come out through the other side, not unscathed, but alive. If he could survive that, he could survive anything.

Of course, London always was harder to be in. He had only come back a handful of times since the battle, more and more though after Jack’s reappearance. Jack had taken to dragging him along from Cardiff to help with his quarterly meetings at Whitehall and his seemingly random meetings with the Queen. (Ianto would never get over the first time he met the Queen. Jack had waltzed straight up, wrapped her in a hug and exclaimed, “Lizzie! This is Ianto, he’s better than me in every sense, including his ass. I know how you love a good bottom.” He still wasn’t sure what was more embarrassing: that or the fact that the Queen then insisted on walking behind him through to the parlour.)

The streets he was walking down were becoming more familiar, even though he was miles away from where he’d one lived. These were streets he’d walked more recently. They’d stuck to Central London, him and Jack, away from the areas that were filled with memories. At least for the most part. Their first few trips were strictly business, often leaving Cardiff early in the morning and getting back late at night. There was no chance to go anywhere other than crossing the street from the SUV to whatever fancy building their next meeting was. 

Then they began staying overnight. 

It started when there was a thunderstorm.  It rained so hard; neither of them could justify going home that night. They had run to the closest hotel they could find, a cheap Travelodge down the road. They’d tumbled in, laughing despite the fact that they were both soaked to the bone. Jack had shaken his hair out like a dog while Ianto wiped his feet on the mat. It had earned them both a glare from the receptionist, but that was quickly wiped away when Jack had strode up to the counter and asked for one of their  _ delightful _ rooms with a heart-melting grin.

The next time, “the Queen just couldn’t meet us on the same day as Whitehall, Ianto, we’ll have to go for two days.” Ianto complained about the rift, but Jack had assured him everything would be fine. Everything _was_ fine, in the end. They’d stayed in a Premier Inn that time; it was a bigger room and had one bed, instead of two singles that Jack cheekily pushed together.

The hotels slowly got nicer. Jack always booked them, long before Ianto could get round to it, even as organised as he was. He couldn’t finish his reports in a timely manner or file them properly, but Jack could book a hotel room in record time. It had always made Ianto smile, that small gesture.

Their last outing to London had been a week before Ianto’s trip through the rift. It was the fanciest hotel yet; Ianto knew that even if he had never gotten to see their room. They had barely stepped in through the door when both their mobiles went off. A mass surge of Weevils had them tearing back down the motorways to Cardiff. Ianto barely slept that week with all the rift alerts, then the ATMOS incident, his argument with Jack.

His feet were carrying him down the streets on muscle memory alone by this point, following tracks that had not yet been worn into the pavements. Maybe, if he walked far and fast enough, he could forget his hypocrisy, doing the exact same thing that he had judged Jack so harshly for.

Part of him argued that he had no choice; the Tardis had flat out refused to take him home and it wasn’t like he’d chosen to get snatched up by rift. Another part of him felt guilty everytime he caught himself enjoying the crazy adventures he had with the Doctor and Rose, felt even more guilty at his reluctance, if given the opportunity, to go back.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t realise where he had been going until he was standing directly in front of it. The outside of the small coffee shop was painted a different colour than it had been the last time Ianto had been here, when he had shown Jack the place on one of their London trips. Best coffee in England. (“Can’t be better than yours.” A joking eye roll. “How dare you suggest my coffee is English.”)

There was a woman behind the counter, looking just like the daughter of the owner back in his present. It was probably her mother, Sheilagh. She noticed him standing there, staring through the window. She gave him a warm smile –Sheilagh had always been nice to him– then came over, flipped the sign, and unlocked the door.

Ianto smiled back, murmuring a soft thanks, and walked inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The owner of the cafe that Ianto works at in London does actually have a name in canon but I had already created Sheilagh (based off my gran) and didn't want to change it. We've gone quite off from the plot in this episode (completely off in fact) by removing Ianto from all the action in the church. Don't worry! He gets to be a piece of the action later on.  
> Next chapter, out on Friday, is called Back To the Future! Written by the (not so) lovely @thirteeninafez (they keep criticizing my use of semicolons >:( )  
> We absolutely adore reading all your comments and own takes on the chapters! Keep them coming! :)


	16. Back To The Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Isn't Actually In This One

Jack’s feet thundered over the wet pavement, the wind and rain whistling past his numb ears as he chased a surprisingly nimble Weevil down a black and deserted backstreet. His Webley was cold and slippery in his right hand, the tips of his fingers having lost all feeling after putting up with the outdoors for over an hour. If it wasn’t for the adrenaline running through him (and that fact that his team  _ really  _ couldn’t afford another Weevil escaping from their clutches) Jack would’ve called it a day and headed back to the Hub to warm up, but as it was he was still racing down the streets of Cardiff.

With his left hand he reached up to his ear and pressed the button on his comms unit, letting out a frustrated growl when it refused to turn on because  _ Goddammit, weren’t these ear pieces meant to be waterproof?  _ He’d have to get Tosh to look at it once he got back, if she wasn't inundated with anything else that was more important to the team. Priorities. At the moment, every day seemed to be an uphill struggle against the mounting pile of jobs to complete, keeping him tied down in the Hub unless a job like his current one gave him a rare opportunity to see the outdoors. He hadn’t even had time to take his coat to the drycleaners, thus the stains and rips in the fabric from his last tussle with a Weevil had been there for over a week. Of course, the person who usually took care of that particular job was hardly here to do it for him, and he didn’t have time to think about it but  _ fuck,  _ he missed Ianto.

The Weevil made a sharp turn, and he followed, realising with great relief that it had gone down a narrow path which led to a dead end. He picked up the pace, pushing himself for the final stretch of the chase.

“Come at me!” Jack roared into the rain as the Weevil realised it’s mistake, matching the noise Jack made with an even louder snarl. It reared forwards on its hind legs, stepping towards jack with its fists raised in front of it. The immortal barked out a laugh, keeping his gun trained on the creature as he reached into his pocket to get out the Anti-Weevil spray. Once retrieved, he took his own step closer to the Weevil, pressing down on the top of the can to let out the spray.

However, with partially frozen fingers and the never-relenting rain still pouring over the object, his fingers slipped and the can fell to the floor with a loud noise. It rolled over to one side of the street, and in the commotion the Weevil took his cue to advance, charging at Jack before he had even lifted his eyes from the can on the floor. He was knocked back, his head connecting hard with the pavement behind him which let out a sickening crunching noise. The immortal reeled, trying to lift himself back up but failing. The beast pinning him to the ground cried victoriously, it’s piggish eyes connecting with its prey’s.

There was a moment, just a brief second, where Jack could conceivably have used the last of his strength to push back and knock the Weevil off balance- but he was cold, and weakened by the blow to his head, and more than anything he was  _ tired.  _ Tired of life, of the never ending stream of work, and his body feverishly, improbably began to crave the blank reset that would be sure to follow.

Jack came around an undefinable amount of time later. With a gasp he sat up, his arm reaching around him for something, some _ one  _ to hold onto. But when it helplessly groped the air and nothing more, he let the limb fall to his knees, hugging himself tight into a ball on the wet floor, and  _ fuck  _ he missed Ianto.

He missed him like his body missed mortality; an aching pain which embedded deep in his body and etched itself excruciatingly onto his heart. He missed his coffee, he missed his suits, he missed his soft vowels in the dark sheets on his bed, and more than anything he missed his arms around him. He missed the comforting embrace that grounded him when he returned back to life and reminded him of all the goodness the world- which had betrayed him so,  _ so  _ many times before- still had to offer him. 

The rain continued to pour down from the sky, rinsing the blood off his reeling body and chilling him to the core. In the curled up position he still held himself in, he couldn’t tell if his face was wet with the downpour or with salty, painful tears. He lay there until he became worried that the rain would meld him with the dirty pavement beneath him, and only then did his limbs scrape together enough effort to pull himself up.

He didn’t go back to the Hub- not immediately. His legs began to move of their own accord, taking him down familiar streets and alleyways until he was standing in front of a block of flats, his hands in his pocket clutching at a spare key which he’d taken one day from the Tourist Centre’s desk drawer and never returned. His fingers trembled as he let himself into the foyer, dragging his sodden body up the staircase and onto the first floor hallway.

The smells of strong coffee, a trace of the cologne Ianto used to cover the smell of cigarette smoke, and something so distinctively comforting that it was unexplainable suddenly attacked his senses, washing over his body as it lulled him into the building. He let the door swing shut behind him, ensuring that his damp boots were left in the hallway like he had always had to be reminded about, and stepped into the flat.

A week after Ianto had disappeared through the rift, after hiding himself away in his office with the bare minimum of human contact due to his continued efforts to find where Ianto had ended up, Tosh had tentatively knocked at his door. With her persuasion he had found himself returning to Ianto’s flat for the first time since he had left, knowing that they would need to sort out the mundane issues such as food which would be going off in the fridge and checking all of the windows were properly locked. Jack had nearly choked up when he caught sight of the film  _ Alien vs. Predator  _ on his coffee table, left in preparation for their evening in that they had been planning before he had rushed off to London and Ianto had been lost. It had been the only thing out of place in the flat, as Ianto wouldn’t dare leave it untidy despite how quickly he would be returning. Jack had put it back on the shelf, promising himself that when they got Ianto back ( _ not  _ if) he would take an entire day off to spend watching crappy sci-fi films with him on the sofa.

Nearly a month later, Jack was only stepping into his flat for the second time, and he wasn’t even sure why his feet had taken him there in the first place. His brain felt as if it were filled with water; thoughts gone from his mind as if he were in a haze. He shook himself slightly, moving from the hallway into the kitchen to avoid getting his sodden footprints on the carpeted floor. He laughed bitterly as he thought about the glare Ianto would be giving him if he turned up in this state at his front door, and then his laugh turned into a sob.

On the breakfast bar, his eyes fixed on the silver coffee machine which he had griped about on far too many occasions. Ianto  _ always  _ left it out- despite the fact that it made eating breakfast off the  _ breakfast  _ bar a difficult challenge when he had too little space to move his arms about in. He reached his hand forwards, brushing a finger down the front where a layer of dust had started to collect. Despite knowing that the damn machine was broken, he wished that there was someone here for him to argue about it with, a stubborn Welsh voice which refused to give in no matter how many times he would complain.

Fuck.

He missed Ianto.

Once showered, dried and thoroughly warmed up, Jack had faced a return to the Hub. He had been gone a good few hours and dreaded to think what state his employees would be in considering it was seven in the evening and he had yet to check in with them. Once more he cursed the rain and his earpiece and his comortless death, before he stepped into the lion’s den to find the three other Torchwood members standing in the main area, voices raised loud enough to be heard even over the klaxon.

“I did it _yesterday_!”

“We know, Owen! But since then both Tosh and I have also fed her, so it’s your turn!”

“I thought we had a rota?”

“The rota was ruined the day you didn’t turn up in time to do your morning shift.”

“What about Jack? Why does he get to skip chicken-feeding duty?”

“Talking of-”

Tosh and Owen’s eyes followed where Gwen was looking, snapping their eyes up to see Jack at the top of the stairwell. He flashed them a grin which was weak even by his standards, and walked down the stairs as if he hadn’t been listening into their argument moments before.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Owen muttered under his breath loud enough for Jack to definitely hear. “Where’ve you been?”

“Weevil hunting. I told you.” He answered.

“That was three hours ago,” Gwen pointed out. “Why didn’t you give us any updates?”

“And why do you look less like you’ve spent hours in the rain and mud and more like you’ve been out on the pull?” Owen added, frowning at his put together appearance. Jack looked down at his body, noting the clothes he had taken out of Ianto’s- well, at this point it was more like  _ their  _ wardrobe. He had enough spare outfits hung on his side of the wardrobe (and oh God, when did he start calling it his side?) though he couldn’t actually remember clothing himself. Still emotionally unstable, it appeared he had snatched one of Ianto’s shirts, a dark blue one which was probably too tight for him to wear, but at the time hadn’t proved a problem. The only part of his ensemble that looked like it had had a run in with a Weevil was his sodden stained coat, which he had taken off upon entering the Hub.

“The comms were broken. It’s chucking it down outside, and our tech isn’t as waterproof as Tosh promised.” He said, feeling bad at the way Tosh reeled backwards at the mention of her name. He hadn’t meant to be harsh, but he was in a bad mood and there was nobody here to rub his shoulders and calm him down anymore.

“Brilliant, so you took some time off?” Owen shot.

“No,” Jack said warningly, his voice rising as he tried to bite his frustration down. “Actually, the Weevil killed me.”

“Ah right, hence the blood stains and ripped shirt.” Owen replied sarcastically, nodding towards the one Jack was wearing, which was pristine and uncrumpled.

“Owen!” Gwen hissed at him, moving her arm as if to put it on Jack’s shoulder comfortingly. He shifted backwards to avoid the contact. He couldn't deal with Gwen’s sympathy tonight.

“I cleaned myself up first, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

He caught eyes with Tosh, who took a glance between the perfectly kept blue shirt and Jack’s own eyes, and then he saw something click in her mind. She suddenly looked pained, her vision moving to something more interesting on the floor.

“Did the Weevil escape then?” She asked, trying to change the subject. Silently Jack thanked her.

“Unfortunately, yes.” He admitted, hearing a soft groan from Gwen and a louder one from Owen.

“Bloody brilliant,” The medic moaned. “And here I was thinking I could head off and actually get some sleep tonight.”

“Once you fed Myfanwy.” Tosh reminded him callously.

“Oh, fucking forget it!” Owen exploded, slamming his hand down harshly on the table. “There’s a never ending pile of shit to do here these days, and I’m  _ sick  _ of it. If it’s not feeding our pet dinosaur, it’s feeding the Weevils, or searching for hours for one report in the Archives, and I’m bloody done with the lot of it!”

“Then leave.”

Everybody snapped to look at Jack. His eyes were seething, but Owen met them with equal amounts of anger in his own eyes. He let out a short, gruff laugh.

“I would  _ love _ to. But, unlike some people here, even I’m not heartless enough to leave all this work to just three of you. If one of us goes, the rest of Torchwood would collapse- not that we’re not close to that already, because  _ Teaboy  _ decided to run away and leave us-”

The next thing Owen knew, he was up against a wall with Jack’s hands in fists on the collar of his shirt. From behind him he could weakly hear protesting coming from Tosh and Gwen, but the blood rushing in his ears was enough to block out most of the noise.

“ _ Ianto, _ ” He said, putting emphasis on the name to make a point against Owen’s use of a nickname. “Didn’t choose to leave us. The rift took him, and we have to keep going until it brings him back.”

He refused to think about the barely-human people living in Flat Holm. He had had more than a couple of nightmares since Ianto had gone where he had gone back to the island and found a mangled version of Ianto there, his brain and body changed beyond repair after his return through the rift. He closed his eyes and binked those thoughts away.

“How would you know?” Owen answered, his voice dangerously low. “You ran away and left us to go chase something in London. Maybe that was the last straw for Ianto, and he made us promise to tell you the rift took him, while in reality he finally made his escape from you and your bloody Torchwood.”

Jack’s face shifted momentarily, as for a second he almost believed Owen’s words. The medic twitched his mouth into an ugly grin as he caught sight of Jack, finally having succeeded in hitting him where it hurt.

“Stop it!” Tosh almost screamed from behind them, coming so she was pushing her arm between the two men. “Both of you,  _ stop it!  _ Arguing isn’t going to solve anything!”

Jack paused for a second, and then with one final snarl he let go of Owen. He stalked off, moving towards the stairs that led to his office and brushing Gwen off as she tried to reach out for him. He continued to walk until he reached his office, slamming the door shut behind him.

Almost immediately, the door reopened and Gwen followed him in, an angry pout on her face. “What was all that about?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Gwen.”

Her voice changed tone, falling into an almost sweet patronising voice that he definitely didn't prefer to the anger from before. “I understand that you miss Ianto– we  _ all  _ do, but you can’t attack your employees when you’re angry at them.”

Jack looked up at her. “I’m the boss here, and I’m telling you that I don’t want to talk about it. I want you to leave.”

She shook her head. “No. Not while you’re like this.”

“I don’t need a fake therapist who pretends to care about me and asks how I’m  _ feeling _ .” He spat, sitting heavily down at his desk.

Gwen looked slightly insulted. “I know Ianto leaving has been difficult,” She started, ignoring the way Jack was shooting daggers at her. “But it happened over a month ago. We can’t keep waiting around for him, as if he’ll just return. You need to accept that he’s gone.”

Jack thumped his fist on the desk and glared at her. “How would you feel if Rhys disappeared and I told you to get over yourself?”

She flinched backwards. “That’s not the same, and you know it,” She hissed. “Rhys and I are in love and married. We have an actual  _ relationship. _ ”

“And you don’t think Ianto and I do too?”

Gwen let out a laugh. “You made it abundantly clear that he’s just a part time shag!” She said, looking almost confused. “You didn’t show him any physical affection, nor flirt in any way with him that wasn’t about sex- and even when you do flirt, it’s not like it means much when you try it on with everybody and anybody you ever meet!”

Jack looked crestfallen. “You don’t understand. He likes things to be kept private.”

“Ianto kept it private? Jack, anybody with eyes could see that he cared for you. You don’t get the rights to act like this only now that he’s gone.”

Fighting the urge to upend his desk, Jack stood up and walked quickly towards the door, not looking at Gwen as he passed her. He stepped back onto the stairs, spotting Owen over in the medical bay. “Gwen, Owen. Go find that Weevil. Then take yourselves home. That’s an  _ order. _ ”

“Jack-” Gwen started as she followed him out of his office, but he didn’t let her finish.

_ “Do it.”  _ Jack insisted, turning around to check that the two of them were following his orders before he spoke quieter to Tosh who was standing in the corner by her computer.

“Can you please feed Myfanwy? Then you can head home too.” He asked, seeing her nod her head in agreement. Having sorted everybody else out, he finally turned back around and stalked to the exit of the Hub.

Tosh was glad the rain outside had stopped when she took her first step onto the roof of the Millenium Centre. The sky was dark above them, with it now being well past eight on a cold evening, but the figure ahead of her seemed to be standing stock still and appeared unbothered by the chill. She walked closer towards him, not going so far as to join him on the edge but close enough that she knew he would hear her presence. Whether or not he was aware that she had joined him, he refused to say anything to acknowledge it.

“Thought I’d find you up here,” She said in a faux cheery voice. Jack continued to stare at the lights of the city ahead of him, not yet ready to speak. “This scene is becoming too familiar.”

“What, you and me on top of the Millenium Centre, like when I first hired you?” He asked, his fingers moving where he was holding them behind his back.

Tosh dropped to the floor, opting to sit with her legs overhanging the roof on Jack’s right. “No. Not just then.”

“I didn’t know you were a fan of high buildings.”

“I’m not,” She answered him. “Besides the first week, I’ve followed you up here now while you’re sulking-”

“- I’m not sulking-”

“-and I followed Ianto up here half a year ago when he and I were both sulking.”

Jack’s head moved instantaneously towards her, and Tosh would’ve found his sudden interest cute if his face hadn’t looked quite so void of emotions. After half a minute of not saying another word, her boss let out a sigh and dropped down to her level, kicking his legs over the edge to join her. She took it as her cue to continue speaking.

“How are you?” She asked him, moving a hand over his knee and relishing the way he didn’t jerk away from her this time. She and Jack had never been  _ close,  _ not in the way her and Ianto were- and definitely not close like Jack and Ianto were- but she trusted him; that had to count for something, right?

“I’m fine.” He lied, giving her a wry smile.

“You know, that’s exactly what Ianto said when I asked him the same thing on this rooftop,” She said conversationally, pretending not to notice the way Jack’s ears pricked up. “Up here on Valentine’s day, both of us alone and sad.”

“Was this-” He started, pausing for the right words. “When I was gone?”

“Yep. He told me he was fine,” She continued, deciding to be honest. Ianto wasn’t here to stop her either way. “But then he said: ‘I just miss him so much that I want to start screaming and never stop.’”

Jack let out a very quiet choking noise, turning back to stare at the city landscape. “I don’t deserve him.”

“Nobody deserves Ianto. He’s kind, intelligent,  _ so  _ selfless and the closest thing I have to a friend.”

Jack gave her a look. “We’re friends. The rest of the team are your friends.”

“You know what I mean.” Tosh said, fiddling with her hands in her lap, and Jack did know what she meant. Once you signed up for the job, Torchwood was your life. Calling your co-workers your friends was difficult when they happened to also be the only other people you ever spoke to.

“My point is, whether you deserved it or not Ianto missed you. A hell of a lot.” Tosh said, patting his knee under her hand. “And you’re allowed to miss him too, especially now, with… whatever it is that’s going on between you.” Jack let out a short laugh at her polite phrasing. “We all miss him, and you’re not alone in that.”

“Even Owen?” He asked, a wry smirk on his face at the mention of the medic. 

“ _ Even _ Owen,” Tosh nodded. “He didn’t mean what he said earlier.”

“I know.”

“He gets angry and thinks insulting others is the only way to deflect his own hurt. God knows I’ve put up with it for years,” She muttered. “But he does miss him. Even if it’s just for the constant supply of coffee, or the way he does all the menial jobs around the Hub so we don’t have to.”

“You don’t have to be scared to put me on the rota for those jobs.” Jack told her. “I’m not going to freak out if you ask me to do one of Ianto’s jobs.”

Tosh gave him an indecipherable look. “You’re sure?”

“Of course,” Jack insisted. “What kind of a boss would I be if I didn’t put in the same effort my workers do?”

Tosh laughed, enjoying hearing Jack join in with her after a moment. It was nice to hear his laugh properly again. He came to a stop and put his hand on top of hers, giving her a look.

“I do miss him,” He admitted, his face calm and honest looking. “Maybe not so much I would start screaming on a rooftop, but I…” He swallowed. “I really miss him.”

Tosh inverted her hand so that it was pressed palm-to-palm against Jack’s. “I know. We all miss him. But you know what he’s like- if there’s any way to get back home, he’ll fight tooth and claw for it.”

Jack let out a short chuckle and squeezed her hand. “That’s our Ianto.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This could've been published two hours ago if Remi had stopped watching A FUCKING ANT DRAG A SPIDER CARCASS ACROSS MY PATIO  
> Hope you all enjoyed this brief angsty interlude checking in on our beloved (and very sad) Torchwood Team. This is a special chapter, because Remi and I actually met up to publish it! (socially distanced of course) Even though we live no more than half an hour away from each other both at home and at uni, we still haven't seen each other irl since Christmas.  
> A lot of the things in this chapter are mentioned again the next chapter; they're actually references to the next chapter as initially this one was going to be published just before The Empty Child but we thought it fit in better here. Look out for the parallels!  
> As ever, thanks for your comments (pls direct all frustration and angst towards Remi. They wrote this chapter and subjected y'all to the angst). Shoot us a message on tumblr: @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	17. Carrot Cake and Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Straight Up Dies in this One Sorry

Ianto took a seat at the table in the back corner. The coffee shop hadn’t changed, or rather, as he supposed was more correct, wouldn’t change, even as the city around it grew and aged. It was simply a bit more sprightly. Less rings from mugs on the table tops, more stuffing in the now relatively new armchairs. 

Once upon a time, Ianto had- would- stand behind the counter, learning to measure out precise amounts of beans, grind them smoothly, and heat water to create the perfect cup that he was now so revered for. It was here that he would catch the eye of Yvonne Hartman, start his tumble down the path that he had taken that had landed him here, twenty years before he stepped foot in the cafe for the first time on a cold November day. 

It hadn't been long ago when he came here with Jack, maybe six months in Ianto's own personal timeline. Just before they shut their doors for the last time. The old owner, Clyde, had died and his eldest would’ve rather sold the place for a pretty penny than keep it going. So Ianto, upon hearing this, dragged Jack down the alleys to the cozy shop. They had been on a trip to report back to the crown, and a coffee had been exactly what was needed to knock Jack out of the grump that having to be professional put him in. 

Ianto has bought up every last remaining bean in their stock that day, plus the old coffee maker– the first one he’d ever used. By then it was long broken, relegated to a spot in the back of the storage room. Ianto had taken it home, and it still sat on his breakfast bar, just waiting for him to have a free day to fix it up. Not that he ever got one of those at Torchwood. He wondered if Jack had moved it. (Would Jack go to his apartment without him there?) It had always annoyed Jack in the mornings, got in the way of his elbows while he tried to eat and “Really Ianto? Would it be so hard to put it in a cupboard?” To which Ianto would always reply, “When you learn to hang your coat up and not throw it on the couch,  _ sir _ .“

Fuck.

He missed Jack. 

It wasn’t the first time he’d come to this rather obvious conclusion. In fact, he re-realised it multiple times a day. Usually just in passing, when he saw a long blue coat or heard an American accent; it was whisked away, just as quickly as he had registered it, on a breeze that carried the next shout of “Run!”

It was like a beast inside his chest, rearing its ugly head every time he had more than a few seconds to sit and think. Travelling with Rose and the Doctor, it wasn’t like it had the opportunity to rear its head much, but that somehow made it all the more painful when it did. 

It was worse when Jack had left, at least in some ways. This pain was without the self doubt that came with the thoughts that he just wasn’t enough, Torchwood wasn’t enough, for Jack to stay. This time he knew that the true fault lay with the rift. (Ha, fault. The pun made him snort softly into his cooling coffee.)

That old pain of Jack leaving had sat in his stomach, never relenting, never softening, every hour of each day until the captain’s return. And even then it hadn’t truly gone. The swirling pit of worry stayed and only got deeper each time Ianto found his bed empty in the morning, or Jack missing from his office at dusk. 

At least now there was just the pain of missing him, and the wonder of whether he was being missed in return. 

By anyone. 

Not just Jack. 

Would the team miss him? For anything more than his coffee or cleaning? Would his sister even realise he was gone? Would his niece and nephew? Would Myfanwy notice that someone else was feeding her?

That one he knew the answer to. She would hate anyone else going into her nest; the only other person she at least respected was Jack. Although Ianto could hardly imagine Jack mucking her out. Maybe they’d come up with a rota. It would probably do Owen some good to get pteranodon shit on him. Probably do Gwen some good as well. Knock both of their egos down a peg or two. 

It wouldn’t help Jack. He’d somehow manage to come out of looking just as good as ever. If anyone could pull off dinosaur faeces, it was that man. 

If he thought harder about it, a rota would never work. Gwen would wheedle herself out of it and Jack would feel bad making the dead man shovel shit so there goes Owen’s turn. And he couldn’t make Tosh do it if no one else had to, so she would be off the hook too. Jack would say he’d do it and in all likelihood forget, get too caught up in cases or brooding (or maybe, a small part of Ianto hoped, just maybe, Jack would be distracted looking for him). There was a reason why the responsibility had fallen to Ianto in the first place. 

Ianto finished his cooling coffee in one large gulp before getting up and carrying his empty mug to the counter. Sheilagh reloaded the display stands with fresh cakes and pastries before taking the mug off him. It was a slow day, the only other people there were a couple sitting outside.

“Another one, love?” She was already getting another mug out for him.

Ianto smiled at the strange familiarity of it all. “Yes, thank you.”

She chatted aimlessly as Ianto eyed up a particularly delicious looking slice of carrot cake. “So, no job to go to?”

“Hmm? Oh, no. I’m just visiting London, on holiday.”

“I was going to say, that’s not a London accent you’re sporting. Wales?”

Ianto nodded. “Cardiff. But you don’t sound like a Londoner yourself.”

She shook her head. “Lancashire girl, born and bred, me. Cardiff though, such a lovely place. My husband and I went there for our honeymoon. Stayed in a lovely little B&B by the bay. I keep telling him we need to go back but finding the time is just so  _ hard _ . Never more than a couple days off at a time. And really, you want more time in a place than that.”

Ianto smiled, already knowing the story but happy to hear it again. “I know how that is. I don’t think I’ve had more than a day off in a row for years.”

“You seem to have done now.”

“First chance I saw, I jumped at.” Ianto joked.

Sheilagh chuckled. “What is it that you do that has you working so hard?”

“I work in the tourist office on the bay.” 

“Oh? I didn’t know there was one.”

Ianto swore internally; he had no idea if the tourist centre was the front for the Hub in the 80s. “It only opened recently, before I worked at a museum.”

“Well then I’ll be sure to go back to Cardiff, if only to visit your tourist centre. Maybe I’d be able to persuade my daughter to come along. She’s getting too old to want to come on holiday with her mum anymore.” She gave him a deceivingly innocent look. “In fact, she’s probably around your age.”

Ianto’s eyes widened slightly and he cleared his throat. “Oh, I’m sure she’s lovely but…”

“Already taken?” 

Ianto nodded, even though he wasn’t entirely sure if it was true.

“Oh well. It was worth a shot.” She smiled and handed Ianto his fresh coffee. “Would you like a slice of cake with that? On the house.” 

Ianto opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off with a hand.

“No buts. I’ve seen you eyeing that carrot cake. And you can stand to eat a slice of cake every now then.” The look she gave him was identical to the ones she would give him in nearly twenty years when he turned up to a morning shift as a bleary-eyed twenty year old, tired and breakfastless. 

She lifted the glass dome off the cake, brandishing a cake lifter in her other hand. “Which piece?”

Ianto pointed sheepishly to the slice he’d been eyeing up and Sheilagh loaded it onto a plate for him. A perfect little sugar carrot sat on top of it.

Ianto picked it off as soon as he’d thanked her and sat back down. He licked the icing off and left it on the side of his place. It was left there until his second coffee was empty and the left few crumbs were scraped up with the tines of his fork. He was just about to eat it when his phone beeped in his pocket.

**The Doctor:** _ Tardis. Now.  _

Ianto swore, throwing the carrot into his mouth as he pulled on his coat and took his dishes to the counter. “Sorry, I have to run. But could I get a couple bags of your coffee beans before I go?”

Sheilagh gave him a bemused look, obviously unused to the request. Course, love.” She gave him three bags and Ianto gave her two twenties before practically running out the door.

The urgency of the Doctor’s text had his feet pounding against the pavements. There must be an emergency for either of them to text him but the Doctor would only contact him if Rose couldn’t for some reason. Ianto wasn’t even sure  _ how _ the Doctor had texted him but if he had, something was very  _ very _ wrong.

Ianto wasn’t sure how long he was running before he saw the blue box sitting innocuously on a street corner. His legs and lungs were burning and he stumbled to a stop, leaning against the side. Once he’d caught his breath he went round to the doors, only to find them both wide open, revealing–

An empty box.

Exactly as big on the inside as it was on the out.

Ianto dropped the coffee beans at his feet in shock, staring dumbly. He shut the doors and closed his eyes. He waited a few seconds before opening the doors. Then a few more until he reopened his eyes. It was still just a police box. 

Maybe it wasn’t the Tardis?

He shut the doors again and tried his key. The doors locked and unlocked again. Still no console room inside. 

Ianto pounded at the walls inside the box like that would help in any way. No secret doors were revealed to him, no panels falling away to reveal it all as a prank. The Tardis was gone and Ianto had no idea where the Doctor or Rose was. 

He scrambled for his phone, calling Rose. He paced around the police box –that was all it was now– as he listened to it ring.

“Ianto?” 

He sighed audibly in relief when he heard her voice. “Rose–”

“Don’t. The Doctor’s already given me enough grief. Let me guess, he’s gotten you to yell at me too? Well I’m not apologising! I’m not!” There was the muffled sound of a man's voice in the background.

“Is that the Doctor? Is he with you? Rose, I need to talk to him.”

“He ran off. Said he was leaving without me. Isn’t he with you?”

“No, I haven’t seen him sinc–” Ianto was cut off before he even knew what was happening. A great flying beast suddenly materialised in a shimmer of golden light above him. By the time he had noticed it, it was too late. It dived down, pinning him down with it’s pincers. The wings folded around him and hid him from the world. All he could do as it devoured his very essence was scream. 

Then he was gone.

The creature flew off, leaving behind three unopened bags of coffee and a phone still mid call on the floor of an abandoned police box. It was quiet enough to hear a pin drop, or in this case, the tinny voice of a girl calling her friend’s name coming from a mobile phone speaker.

Ianto was getting extremely sick of ending up in metaphysical spaces. 

He wasn’t sure how long he was suspended in the void. He couldn’t remember how he got there or how much time had passed. All he knew is that he was there, there was no way out, and his coffee beans weren’t with him. A crying shame, if he was completely honest. 

He kept thinking about his coffee beans. Mainly because if he didn’t, he started to worry he was finally dead. Dead, with no recollection of what killed him.

Ironically, he remembered exactly how he ‘died’ as soon as he was alive again. 

He was sitting cross legged in the entrance to the Tardis, bags of coffee scattered around him. There was only one way to describe the expression on Ianto’s face: perplexed. At least now he had his coffee beans. 

The sky, which was bright blue (if a bit cloudy) when he disappeared, was now deepening to purple as the sun set behind the buildings. He couldn’t explain exactly where the day had gone. He must’ve spent it in that void; yes, that would explain it.

His phone was abandoned a few feet away. If he ever came to his senses and checked it, he would realise that there were twelve missed calls, seven voicemails, and even more frantic texts all from Rose waiting to be given his attention. In the end, it didn’t matter that he ignored the messages; the real Rose would be demanding his attention soon enough.

Loud footsteps echoed down the street, two sets, as far as Ianto could pick out. He should probably close the Tardis doors. The Doctor would be really annoyed if Ianto let a bunch of strangers see inside. But the sky really was pretty that evening and Ianto wanted to look at it for a while longer.

He needn’t have worried. The urgent footsteps belonged to the very people that his thoughts were absent mindedly drifting to. 

The Doctor nearly tripped over him when the two of them rushed into the Tardis. Rose dropped to her knees, throwing her arms around Ianto with a relieved sob. “Oh thank god! I thought I’d killed you!”

Ianto raised an arm, hesitant and confused, to return her hug. He was still frowning. “I bought coffee beans. What happened?”

“I think he’s in shock, Rose. Getting snatched by a time reaper will do that to you.” The Doctor helped Ianto up and over to the jumpseat.

“Time reapers?” Ianto asked.

“Paradox bacteria. Or time’s white blood cells. It depends what metaphor you use.”

That didn’t clear  _ anything _ up for Ianto.

Rose gathered up his dropped belongings while the Doctor spoke. She brought them over and placed them in the empty seat next to him. “But Doctor, you weren’t in shock when you came back. No one else was either.”

“No one out there will even remember what happened. Time went back to how it should be; for them today was just any other day. But Ianto here is a time traveller. He, and you for that matter,  _ can _ remember, because your bodies pick up little particles from travelling through the time vortex, called Artron energy. Changes your physiology. As for me, well,” he shrugged, “Time Lord.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Rose asked. Ianto seemed like he was following along to what the Doctor said, but his eyes still looked slightly unfocused.

“Oh, he’ll be fine. Nice strong cup of coffee and he’ll be right as rain.” The Doctor was completely correct, although it wasn’t the caffeine that brought him out of his shocked state.

Ianto took one sip, helped by Rose, of the coffee the Doctor had proudly brandished after fifteen minutes of wrestling with the machine and promptly spat it out in the most dramatic spit take Rose had seen outside of a soap opera.

“What the hell was that?! Are you trying to  _ poison _ me?!” Ianto shoved the mug out of his face, sticking his tongue out like that would get rid of the burnt bitter taste. “Ugh! You’re officially banned from ever even  _ touching _ the coffee machine.”

The Doctor just laughed. “Good to have you back Ianto, my boy.” Then he pulled a lever and sent them into the time vortex once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pls don't attack me for killing Ianto it's my birthday please be kind. I think in this universe it took Rose a lot less time to get her act together and treat the situation seriously, since Ianto got taken so early on. How that actually affected the events in the church I'll leave up to y'all to figure out :D  
> Thank y'all for all your comments and kudos! They really make our day!  
> Up next (drumroll please)... The Empty Child!!!! And the return (or is it an introduction?) of our favourite Time Agent! John Hart!!!!
> 
> Just kidding it's Jack ;)  
> See y'all next Wednesday!  
> As ever, catch us on tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	18. The Empty Child

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Gets Turned Into a Cat
> 
> PS. Lauren was going to write this chapter. And she did. “Jack has a huge crush.” Remi decided to do the rewrite

The Tardis was in turmoil.

“What’s the emergency?” Rose shouted from across the control panel of the ship, grinning at the thought of a new adventure.

“It’s mauve.” The Doctor replied. His hands flailed as he pressed seemingly random buttons, and from the corner Ianto watched. He _definitely_ had no idea what he was doing, Ianto decided.

“Mauve?” He asked, walking carefully towards Rose and the Doctor in case he was needed to help.

“The universally recognised colour for danger.”

“What happened to red?” Rose asked.

“That's just humans. By everyone else's standards, red's camp. Oh, the misunderstandings. All those red alerts, all that dancing.” The Doctor rambled as Ianto and Rose shared an amused look. “It's got a very basic flight computer. I've hacked in, slaved the Tardis. Where it goes, we go.”

Ianto quipped an eyebrow as he looked at the screen on the console. An object was flying through space- evidently the one their pilot had latched their ship to. “And that’s safe, is it?”

“Totally!” The Doctor replied, before the center of the Tardis suddenly made a horrifically loud noise and sparked brightly. 

“Okay, reasonably. Should have said reasonably there.” The Doctor said as he frantically changed the controls in front of him. “No, no, no, no! It's jumping time tracks, getting away from us.”

“What exactly is this thing?” Rose said, beating Ianto to the question he wanted to ask.

“No idea!”

“Then why are we chasing it?” Ianto asked exasperatedly.

The Doctor grinned in response. “It's mauve and dangerous, and about thirty seconds from the centre of London.”

Ianto turned to face Rose. “Remind me, how have none of us died yet?”

Rose gave him a very pointed look, which reminded him of the events which occurred last time they were in London.

"Technically, that wasn't permanent."  Ianto said, having no time to roll his eyes as the Tardis gave a quick jolt and nearly threw the three of them off their feet.

Five minutes later, the Tardis had landed at its destination. Ianto took a moment to brush his suit smooth once more, running his hands over the black lapels and ridding them of the creases the erratic journey had caused. He took a deep breath and walked towards the exit of the ship to join the others, who had been slightly more eager and had stepped out moments before.

“...all the species in all the Universe and it has to come out of a cow.” Ianto overhead the Doctor talking to Rose, and decided it was best not to get involved. Instead he chose to look around the area they had landed in. They seemed to be in a dark alleyway in the middle of the night, the world around them quiet and still. Something felt  _ off,  _ though Ianto reasoned that could very well be down to the time travel and the difference in the air. The streets of London both felt familiar in a way that Ianto couldn’t explain, and yet completely different to the time he knew. Judging by the scenery around them they were at least in the 20th Century- but it certainly wasn’t the 21st Century London he was used to.

Having half taken in what the Doctor had been talking about, Ianto made to follow them as they walked down the alleyway, but heard a noise which stopped him in his tracks.

“Mummy?”

He whipped around quickly, trying to look for the source of the noise. It had sounded like a young child, probably lost in the streets. Cursing his sense of good will, he turned to shout at his friends.

“Hey! Did you hear that?” He called, but received no reply. They had already turned the corner, and Ianto dawdled on his feet. It was only when he heard a second call that he made up his mind, and turned his back on the others to look for the voice.

“Hello?” He called, scanning his surroundings. A sudden movement caught in the corner of his eye and he moved his head up to look at it. For a moment, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. There was a child- wearing a gas mask, no less- standing on top of the roof on the building on Ianto’s right. His eyes widened.

“Are you okay?” He shouted.

“Mummy!” It cried out again, and Ianto put his hands on his hips, looking for a way up. Thankfully he spied a set of stairs on the side of the building, and made his way toward it, climbing quickly up them. He stepped out onto the roof and couldn't help but think of the only person he knew who spent hours standing on roofs. Involuntarily, his mind conjured up an image of Jack standing near the edge with a gas mask on, calling out ‘Mummy!’ at him- and really, the thought ought  _ not  _ to have made Ianto blush, but his cheeks didn’t seem to get the memo.

He was brought back to the present when the small figure in front of him called out for his Mummy again, this time unmistakably looking at Ianto. The child stood on the roof of the building next to his- too high up for him to climb, but close enough that he could see and hear the child clearly enough.

“It’s okay! I’ll get you down, just stay where you are.” Ianto instructed, spying a piece of rope hanging in the air. Ianto found he was grateful for the higher level of fitness he had gained over the course of his career with Torchwood Three as he began to climb the rope, trying to ignore the way his hands ached as they slid across the rough rope.

“Mummy. Balloon!” The gas-masked child called out, pointing up and suddenly-

Ianto was suspended in the air. He looked up and saw that the child hadn’t been lying, and that he was climbing rope attached to a flying blimp. By the time he had looked down, the building was no longer under his feet and he was dangling above the streets of London below.

“Doctor! Rose!” He shouted, squirming around to try to get a better purchase on the rope he was holding. Even from this high up, Ianto was able to scan the streets below him but couldn’t see his friends anywhere. Knowing his luck, they hadn’t realised he was gone and had begun their search across the city for the alien technology. When he looked back at the rooftop he had initially climbed up, he was shocked to see it many feet below him- and realised with a jolt that the balloon keeping him up was steadily rising. Whether it was due to his reduced visuals or not, he could no longer see the child he had been trying to help, and hoped that they had managed to find a way off the roof, at least.

As he looked out to the sky before him, a terrible wailing noise began and beams of lights started to illuminate the night sky. Ahead of him, silver metal reflected the bright light, as the noise of mechanical whirring joined the klaxon noise. From some way off, an explosion rocked the night sky, creating a golden glow which shone onto the items in its vicinity- and Ianto realised that he was floating in the sky amongst deadly war machines.

It was just his luck to find himself a floating target in the London skyline during the Blitz.

Meanwhile, four streets away the Doctor and Rose had walked into a music club on the corner of the street the Tardis was parked on. The atmosphere inside was very relaxed, filled with groups of people smoking cigarettes over candle-lit tables, and a golden glow accompanied the smooth jazz. Rose looked around, intrigued by the setup, and by the time she had turned to look back at the Doctor, he had moved. Her eyes scanned the audience, looking for a glimpse of his big ears or out of place clothing, but having no luck. It was only when the singer finished her number and applause broke out across the room that she found him again.

“Excuse me. Excuse me. Could I have everybody's attention just for a mo?” She heard his Northern accent speak from across the room, and she rolled her eyes as she caught sight of him standing by the microphone. “Be very quick. Hello! Might seem like a stupid question, but has anything fallen from the sky recently?”

There was a moment where the entire audience paused, before (thankfully) everyone broke out into quiet laughter. It took Rose only a minute to piece together the uniformed men and the posters on the wall depicting planes and pictures of shelters.

“Sorry, have I said something funny? It's just, there's this thing that I need to find. Would've fallen from the sky a couple of days ago.” The Doctor continued. Rose quickly walked across the room and joined him up on the stage, trying to drag him away from the microphone.

“I’m sorry about him, he thinks he’s a real funny guy.” She apologised, hearing the groans and short laughter she got in response.

“Had too much to drink already, has he?” A voice called out, and Rose grinned sheepishly back.

“Yeah, something like that-” She responded, before her voice was cut out by wailing noises. The Doctor turned to her in the distraction that the siren noise had created.

”What was all that about? I was trying to find information.”

“Quickly as you can, down to the shelter.” A louder voice called out, shepherding people out of the entrance to the room.

“Look around you and tell me why this is the only period of history where something falling from the sky isn’t abnormal.” Rose said. The Doctor had a good look, before he turned back to Rose.

“Ah. The Blitz.” The Doctor said. “Course, I knew that really. I was just trying to be funny, lift the people’s spirits…”

Rose grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the exit. “Come on, we should follow them to the shelter,” She suggested, before she remembered something and paused her feet. “Hang on. Where did Ianto get to?”

“Get those lights out, please. Everyone down to the shelter.”

From the balcony of an army base, Captain Jack Harkness pulled a pair of Time Agency standard binoculars to his face, using them to zoom in on some peculiarity he had spotted in the war-ridden sky above. As the technology automatically focused on the depth of magnification, he was intrigued to see that the oddity was a male figure. And he was floating, hanging onto some dangling rope for his dear life. The Captain eagerly watched him flail around, enjoying the sight of him squirming in midair (despite the danger he was in. Jack couldn’t exactly leave the poor man in such a situation, right?)

“Jack? Are you going down to the shelter?” Another soldier spoke, barely registering in Jack’s mind as he watched the hanging figure with slight amusement. “Only, I've got to go off on some silly guard duty.”

The officer, who Jack knew very well to be Algy, moved a step closer to him to get a look at what Jack was focused on.

“Ah, barrage balloon, eh? Must've come loose. Happens now and then. Don't you RAF boys use them for target practice?” He continued, the subtlety in his tone not escaping Jack who remembered the previous few air raids and the private bunker he and Algy had shared together. If the figure in the sky wasn’t wearing such obvious out-of-period clothing, he would have suggested a third go at it, but as it stood Jack had more pressing matters to attend to.

“Like the suit- shows off the excellent bottom  _ very  _ nicely.” Jack leered, manually zooming the binoculars in further on the male anatomy than the automatic triggering thought necessary.

From beside him, Algy bristled slightly. “I say, old man, there's a time and a place. Look, you should really be off.” 

“Sorry, old man,” Jack spoke, turning back to the officer and letting out a short laugh. “I've got to go meet a guy. But you've got an excellent bottom too.”

He walked past Algy, giving the man’s own bottom a quick slap and his most perfected smile in passing. Time to put on the charm and save the hanging man with all suave he possessed.

“Ianto?” The Doctor shouted as he and Rose quickly made their way through the streets, retracing their steps in the hopes that they would find their friend along the way. When they reached the Tardis they hadn’t seen or heard anything of him, which was worrying for Rose and frustrating for the Doctor.

“You know, one day, just one day, maybe, I'm going to meet someone who gets the whole don't wander off thing.” He complained, turning back around to look at Rose.

She had stopped a few metres back, looking at something on the side of the dingy street amongst the rubbish and trash which had been left there. The Doctor fondly noticed her eyes light up as she turned to look back at him, arms full of something black and fluffy.

“A cat.” He deadpanned, raising an eyebrow as he tried to look unamused. Rose’s blinding grin threatened to make him smile in response.

“A cat!” She repeated, tone vastly more enthusiastic than that of the Time Lord. “Can we keep it?”

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “No, Rose. There’s no space for a pet in the Tardis.”

“It could stay in my room!” She tried, putting on her best puppy dog eyes. “Ianto would take my side.” She sulked quietly, scratching the cat’s head as it gave a small meow.

“Well, Ianto isn’t here and the Tardis belongs to me." The Doctor reasoned.

Rose paused, looking at the cat in thought. “Unless…”

“Rose Tyler, if you’re going to suggest that that cat has something to do with Ianto’s disappearance-”

“I’m just saying! What if he got turned into a cat, and you’re trying to leave him abandoned on the streets?” She said. “Is that you, Ianto?” She asked, her eyes lighting up as the cat let out another meow at her question.

“Oh, for God’s sake,” The Doctor muttered. “Fine, fine- we can keep the cat. But you’re gonna be the one carrying it when we have to chase aliens or keep quiet when-”

He was cut off by a shrill noise, and whipped around. His Tardis was ringing. Someone was calling his Tardis, and it was picking up signals that it shouldn’t be able to.

“I didn’t know the Tards could do that?” Rose asked, following her friend as he quickly raced to get to the doors. He pulled open one of the panels on the door, and the noise got louder as a phone was revealed.

“How can you be ringing? What's that about, ringing? What am I supposed to do with a ringing phone?” He questioned, staring straight at the phone in confusion. He got his sonic screwdriver out, but before he could investigate he was interrupted by a young voice.

“Don't answer it. It's not for you.” A girl spoke, looking straight at the Doctor.

“And how do you know that?”

“'Cos I do. And I'm telling you, don't answer it.” She replied mystically, looking afraid but defiant as the Doctor rounded on her.

“Well, if you know so much, tell me this. How can it be ringing?” He asked, turning back to look at his ship once more. “It's not even a real phone. It's not connected, it's not-”

“Doctor, she’s ran off!” Rose shouted, breaking out into a run to catch up with the girl. Looking between the phone and Rose, he made the decision to pick up the phone and hoped that Rose would have control of the other situation. Tentatively, he reached out and picked up the phone, putting the receiver to his left ear.

“Hello?” He asked, getting no response except for quiet static. “Hello? This is the Doctor speaking. How may I help you?” He asked, putting on a jovial voice as the frustration and confusion of it ringing got to him.

“Mummy?” A child’s voice rang out, and something about the voice sent shivers down the Doctor’s spine. He wasn’t sure why, but there was something deeply unsettling and  _ wrong  _ about it. “Mummy?”

“Who is this? Who's speaking?”

“Are you my mummy?”

“Who is this?” He asked again, with a frown on his face.

“Mummy?” It repeated.

“How did you ring here? This isn't a real phone. It's not wired up to anything-”

“Mummy?” It cried one more time, before the static in the phone became the only thing the Doctor could hear, and he knew the line had gone dead. Confused, he put the receiver back in place and knocked on the door.

“Ianto? Ianto, are you in there?” He called.

From the alleyway, the cat (which Rose had presumably abandoned when running off) meowed, as if to try to get the Doctor’s attention. For a brief moment of insanity, he was almost convinced that the feline really  _ was  _ their lost friend, but quickly dismissed the idea.

“And of course, I get left with you then?” He asked it as he walked closer to pick it up. “Come on. Let’s go find out where Rose ran off to.”

Between the airplanes whirring around him and the ache across his whole body from keeping himself on the rope, Ianto Jones didn’t think he could take much more of this. His brain was scrambled, muscles screaming and he had no idea what he could do to get himself out of this situation. He slipped further down the rope, his hands burning as he tightened his grip at the end of the line, and allowed himself to think of back home. His friends, his sister,  _ Jack-  _ who he wouldn’t be able to see ever again. His arms finally gave out, and he let out a cry as he began to fall, stomach flipping over as he descended the sky until-

A sudden beam of light appeared and broke his fall, leaving him floating in midair. The panic that had been coursing through him didn’t fade, however, as he twisted around in an attempt to get an idea of what was happening.

“Okay, okay, I've got you.” An unmistakable voice rang out, and Ianto forgot how to breathe.

The voice was-  _ couldn’t  _ be- yet he would recognise that accent  _ anywhere- _

“Who's got me? Who's got me, and how have you suspended gravity here?” He asked, daring himself not to believe what his mind was telling him.

“I'm just programming your descent pattern. Keep as still as you can and keep your hands and feet inside the light field.” The voice continued to speak, and Ianto tried to stop his squirming.

“Descent pattern?”

“Oh, and could you switch off your cell phone?” He said, and Ianto scoffed quietly. “No, seriously, it interferes with my instrument.”

“You know, my mobile has the highest level of anti-detection software that even the government can't provide.” He bickered, but fished into his pocket to retrieve the offensive piece of technology anyway.

“Thank you. That's much better. But keep talking, I like what your mouth does to those vowels,” He said. It was the final nail in the coffin for Ianto, who was  _ certain  _ he had heard that exact sentence in that exact tone before.

“Oh, yeah sure. I'm hanging in the sky in the middle of a German air raid, but hey- the mysterious voice stopping me from falling just told me he likes my accent, so how could I complain?”

His words elicited a low chuckle from the man, and Ianto had to physically bite down on his tongue to stop him from saying something he might regret.

“Be with you in a moment.”

From inside his spaceship, Captain Jack Harkness swirled his chair round, reaching for the other controls as the spaceship’s computer spoke to him.

“The mobile communication device indicates non-contemporaneous life form.” It told him in a monotonous voice.

“He's not from around here, no,” Jack agreed, reaching his hand across to a lever above where he sat. “Ready for you? Hold tight!”

“To what?” Ianto called indignantly. Jack raised his eyebrows.

“Fair point.” He replied, and pulled the lever down.

Ianto felt gravity suddenly reappear, which under other circumstances would have been a relief, but while he hurtled towards the ground he couldn’t find it in him to be happy that the laws of nature had right themselves once more. Before he could hit the floor, his path was taken off course and suddenly he found himself materialising inside a spaceship. The worst (or best, as his body decided) part of his landing was the person who the pair of arms that had caught him belonged to.

“I've got you. You're fine, you're just fine. The tractor beam, it can scramble your head just a little.” Jack explained.

Ianto stared into the face that was only a few centimetres away from him. By now knowing Jack’s face quite intimately, he was surprised to see younger features and an expression that bore no semblance of recognition. Which all added up to one thing, and that meant…

“Fuck.”

Jack raised an eyebrow and leered slightly. “Well, I certainly won’t turn you down if you’re offering, but-”

“Fuck.” Ianto repeated, then shook himself hard enough to drop from Jack’s arms.

“You’ve said that twice now,” Jack pointed out. Ianto’s brain was a mess of confusion, and his legs still didn’t feel like they were working properly from many minutes spent hanging on a rope above London. “Are you all right?”

“Fine,” Ianto lied, putting a hand to his forehead. “Why, are you expecting me to faint or something?”

“You look a little dizzy.”

“What about you? You're not even in focus.” Ianto muttered, as he felt his consciousness fade. The last thing he remembered was leaning against a warm chest and feeling the reverberations of Jack’s laughter as he drifted out of reality.

“Rose!” The Doctor called, as he caught sight of her once more. He quickly ran towards her, catching up to see her looking over a wall at the inside of a house. Lots of younger children were walking into the abandoned house, each one no older than a young teenager and all of them without an adult. The Doctor frowned, his destination towards Rose paused as he considered following the obviously up-to-no-good kids, but was stopped by Rose herself pulling him towards her.

“Shh!” She whispered, pulling them both down so that they were hidden behind the brick wall. “The girl from earlier went into this house. It’s not hers- I saw a couple go into their shelter before she snuck in, and then there were all these other kids who’ve come to join her.” She tried to explain.

“No adults?”

“None.” She said. “You don’t think this is anything to do with the alien object you were tracking?”

“Only one way to find out,” The Doctor reasoned. “Oh, but first-” He lifted up the small cat which had been hiding behind his leg, and put it in Rose’s hands.

“I knew you’d want to keep him!” Rose cried out in happiness, and the Doctor felt sure he had made the right decision to keep it when he saw the look on her face.

“I don’t want it, I just knew I’d never hear the end of it from you if I didn’t bring it with us,” He muttered, his words not discouraging Rose from her petting of the feline.

“He,” Rose replied. “Ianto doesn’t want to be called an  _ it,  _ Doctor. Would you, Ianto?” She resumed her petting, oblivious to the frustration on her friend’s face.

“Christ on a- look, let’s follow this girl in and see if we can’t get to the bottom of the alien signal.”

Inside the house, Rose was confused to see the group of children all sitting together in the dining room, eagerly looking at the head of the table where the girl from earlier was carving a chunk of meat up.

“One slice each, and I want to see everyone chewing properly.” The girl spoke, beginning to hand round the plate of meat to polite murmurs of ‘thank you’ from the other children. Through the doorway, she coughed quietly to get their attention, not wanting to startle them (as the Doctor had been planning on doing by walking into the room with no warning.)

As it was, the children still all immediately stood up, gasping in sudden worry at the sight of the two adults.

“It's all right. Everybody stay where you are!” The girl spoke.

“What’s all this about then, eh?” The Doctor asked, poking his head in.

“Back in your seats,” She instructed, and the children all sat back down. “They shouldn't be here either.”

“So, what’s the story here then? What’s your name?” Rose asked gently.

“Nancy.” She replied warily, not wanting to speak.

“You're homeless, right? Living rough?” The Doctor cut in, despite the glare Rose was sending his way. He took a seat on the edge of the table, Rose following his actions to sit next to him.

One of the boys from across the table bristled. “Why do you want to know that? Are you two coppers?”

The Doctor scoffed. “Of course I'm not a copper. What's a copper going to do with you lot anyway? Arrest you for starving?” He laughed, and saw the relief go round the table as the children joined in. He grabbed some of the food from the plate that was going round, eager to join in with the group of misfits. 

“Shouldn’t you all be evacuated to the countryside? London in the Blitz isn’t a place for children to stay, especially not ones with no home.” Rose added. Another boy spoke up.

“I was evacuated. Sent me to a farm.”

“So why'd you come back?” The Doctor asked

“There was a man there.”

“Yeah, same with Ernie. Two homes ago-”

“Shut up,” The boy, Ernie, replied. “It's better on the streets anyway. It's better food.”

“Yeah. Nancy always gets the best food for us.”

“So, that's what you do, is it, Nancy?” Rose asked, smiling at her.

“What is?” Nancy asked defensively.

“As soon as the sirens go, you find a big fat family meal still warm on the table with everyone down in the air raid shelter and bingo! Feeding frenzy for the homeless kids of London Town. Puddings for all, as long as the bombs don't get you.” He spoke, Rose all too used to the rambling he often spieled into.

”Something wrong with that?”

“It's brilliant!” Rose grinned, happy to see a small smile on Nancy’s face for the first time. 

“I'm not sure if it's Marxism in action or a West End musical.” The Doctor continued.

Nancy’s face returned to a frown as she looked at the two once more. “Why'd you follow me? What do you want?”

“I want to know how a phone that isn't a phone gets a phone call. You seem to be the one to ask.” The Doctor asked, turning serious all of a sudden. Nancy’s face fell slightly.

“I did you a favour. I told you not to answer it, that's all I'm telling you.”

Rose cut in, sensing they weren’t going to get much information out of the girl. “We also wanted to know if you’ve seen a man in a suit anywhere. Welsh accent, brown hair- ring any bells?”

In response, Nancy reached over and took both her and the Doctor’s plate away.

“What did we do wrong?” The Doctor cried out.

“ _ She _ took two slices.” She said, pointing at Rose.

“Oh, that was only for the cat.” Rose admitted, turning slightly pink in embarrassment. “He’s very cute, to be fair.”

She brought out the cat-Ianto, lifting him up to the delight of the kids around her.

“No pets at the table!” Nancy shouted, glaring daggers at Rose.

“There’s one more thing, actually.” The Doctor cut in, either oblivious to the tension in the room or unwilling to let it deter him from asking his questions. “Something I've been looking for. Would've fallen from the sky about a month ago, but not a bomb. Not the usual kind, anyway. Wouldn't have exploded. Probably would have just buried itself in the ground somewhere, and it would have looked something like this.”

He held up a crude drawing that he had quickly sketched up while speaking of the roughly cylindrical object. The children around looked at it, unimpressed, but he caught sight of a vague look of recollection in Nancy’s eyes. Before he could investigate further, a noise from outside drew their attention.

“Mummy?” The voice asked, and it dawned on the Doctor that it was the same voice as before, on the other end of the telephone call he had had. “Are you in there, mummy?” It continued to call as it knocked on the window.

“Doctor, who is that?” Rose asked quietly, her heart beating. The Doctor got up out of his seat and pulled back the curtains, recoiling back as he caught sight of the child. The muffled vocals suddenly made sense as he looked at the gas mask covering up the child’s face. A small hand pressed to the glass.

“Mummy?” He (for the Doctor could now see it was a little boy, not girl) called out once more.

“Who was the last one in?” Nancy asked, panicked.

“Them.” A boy pointed at Rose and the Doctor.

“No, he came round the back- who came in the front?” Nancy said, shaking her head.

“Me.” A little boy, no older than six, spoke.

“Did you close the door?”

“Er-”

“Did you close the door?” Nancy repeated, looking between the boy and the window.

“Mummy? Mummy? Mummy?” The voice rang out, as the gas-masked boy began to walk towards the aforementioned door. With a flash, Nancy was out in the hallway and had slammed the door shut, making sure to bolt all of the locks.

“Doesn’t seem like you to leave a child outside.” Rose pointed out, despite the uncomfortable feeling the child in the gas mask produced inside her.

“It's not exactly a child.” Nancy explained, staring at her and the Doctor before another cry from the boy outside drew back her attention. 

“Right, everybody out.” Nancy instructed, walking back into the dining room. “Across the back garden and under the fence. Now! Go! Move!”

The two adults watched on as Nancy chivied the children out of the house, stress evident in all of their faces. Rose wondered to herself what had made Nancy this way- why she felt the need to care for the homeless children who lived on the streets, as if she were their Mother or older sister. Moreso, Rose wondered how she knew the child outside the door, and why she was so afraid of them compared to the other children in the room. From their encounter earlier on in the evening, it was evident that she knew something about the child, but just what she knew wasn’t something she was willing to tell them yet.

“Mummy? Mummy? Please let me in, mummy. Please let me in, mummy.” The boy called out, and Rose watched in slight horror as the Doctor drew nearer. All of her instincts were telling her to run away- especially when a small, grubby hand reached through the letterbox as if it knew there was a human standing in front of the door on the other side. Curiously, she noticed a small mark on the hand, no larger than a few inches.

“Are you all right?” The Doctor asked.

“Please let me in.” It begged, and for a moment Rose thought her friend was going to open the door right there. However, an object suddenly hurtled towards the hand, breaking next to it and causing the arm to retreat. She turned to see Nancy.

“You mustn't let him touch you!”

“What happens if he touches someone?” Rose asked her.

“He'll make you like  _ him _ .”

“And what's he like?” The Doctor demanded.

“I've got to go.” She evaded. Rose put on her most calming voice.

“Nancy, what's he like?” She said, seeing the afraid and slightly guilty eyes meet hers.

“He's empty.” The telephone ringing cut into the sudden silence. “It's him. He can make phones ring. He can. Just like with that police box you saw.”

Unafraid, the Doctor picked the phone up.

_ “Are you my Mummy?”  _ The voice had a chance to ask, before Nancy had strode across the hallway and slammed the phone back down. No sooner had she done that, than from the other room a radio began to play.

The three of them raced into the dining room once more, hearing the begging child call for his Mummy through the radio this time. Rose turned it off, creeped out by the noise. From a chair, a clockwork monkey started to move, crashing cymbals in time with a cry from the voice for his Mummy.

“Doctor,” Rose breathed shakily, feeling as if she had been transported to some kind of 21st century horror movie. “How’s he doing that?”

“You stay if you want to.” Nancy said, turning her back on them and running to join the other children. Rose didn’t blame her. Reluctantly, she followed the Doctor as he walked out of the living room, back once more into the hallway. Distantly she heard the back door slam.

Through the letterbox of the door, she could once more see the arm reaching out. ” Mummy? Let me in please, Mummy. Please let me in.” It cried, and Rose once more caught sight of the cut on his hand.

“Doctor, what’s that on it’s hand?” She asked. He shook his head.

“I don’t know,” He replied quickly then changed his voice to be loud enough for the child to hear. “Your Mummy isn't here.”

There was a pause. The Doctor considered reaching out a hand and touching it, just for curiosity's sake, but the way Nancy had insisted they didn’t touch him stopped him. “Are you my Mummy?

“No Mummies here. Nobody here but us chickens.” He mumbled, looking back and remembering it was only he and Rose left in the house. “Well, these chickens. And a cat.”

“I'm scared.” The boy turned it’s hand upside down so that the palm was facing the two humans inside, as if holding out a hand for one of them to take.

“Why are those other children frightened of you?” Rose asked him, putting on a calming voice. The boy may not be entirely human, but something about leaving a child outside while a dangerous air raid pelted bombs from above didn’t sit right with her.

“Please let me in, Mummy. I'm scared of the bombs.” It cried, almost mimicking her thoughts. Rose wondered whether it was a coincidence, or whether the child was telepathic as well.

“Okay. I'm opening the door now.” The Doctor decided, causing Rose to let out a gasp from behind him. The arm retreated.

“Doctor, are you sure that’s a good idea?” She asked, and sighed as he ignored her, instead reaching to undo various locks across the door. By the time he had reached the final one, Rose watched with bated breath as he swung the door open to reveal…

Nothing. The boy had completely vanished. Rose quickly ran past her friend to look down the street for a glimpse of his retreating form, but could see nothing.

The street was completely deserted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How we feeling about finally getting to meet the Captain? We're certainly excited, that's for sure!  
> We will return to this episode on Friday, with A Frustratingly Familiar Face (no bets on who's face that it..!)  
> Thanks for all the lovely comments and kudos! We really appreciate hearing all of your thoughts :)  
> Find us on Tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	19. A Frustratingly Familiar Face

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Worries He Has a Boner

Ianto came around in a bed which certainly wasn’t his own, and in a space which was humming with the noises of quiet machinery. It took a second for him to gather his memories of how he had arrived here, and found the return of his painful headache the second he remembered who’s ship he was on.

Trust him to bump into his boss/lover/part-time shag in a completely different timeline. The Jack here looked a lot younger than his Jack, and Ianto wondered how long into his future it would be before he became the head of Torchwood Three and met Ianto. Was he even immortal at this point? Jack had told him that he hadn’t been born immortal, and from the short bits of information he had let slip to him, Ianto was under the impression that the Doctor had something to do with his predicament. If this Jack had met the Doctor yet, as while he knew that the Doctor hadn’t met Jack, timelines could become messy and confusing (as proven by the current situation he found himself in).

Trying to push thoughts of the implications of meeting a younger Jack out of his head, Ianto decided to simply not mention anything about Jack’s future, and play the part of an ignorant stranger instead. He got up and stretched his shoulders out, feeling his muscles still ache from his previous adventure in the London sky, and brushed his pink shirt down. He frowned at the creases that had materialised while he had slept and tried to straighten them out, not noticing the figure who had swivelled around in his chair to face him.

“Better now?”

Ianto turned, startled, to look at Jack, pushing down the feeling that threatened to overwhelm him. It was cruel of the universe to present him with the one thing he missed the most, but not allow him to take any form of comfort from Jack. “You got lights in here?”

Jack flicked a switch on the wall, and soon enough the ship was illuminated with a yellow glow. Ianto took a moment to take in his surroundings before he turned back to Jack.

“Hello.”

“Hello.” Ianto replied, coughing to clear his throat. “To whom do I owe my life, then?”

Jack let out a short laugh. “I’m not sure I’d have used those words, but-” He countered, fishing in his pocket for something. “Captain Jack Harkness, One Three Three Squadron, Royal Air Force. American volunteer.”

He handed Ianto the item he had just retrieved, and the Welshman had to keep from letting out a laugh. How very  _ Jack _ that was.

“Liar.” He smirked, recognising the paper from the times he had seen the Doctor use it. “This is psychic paper. It tells me whatever you want it to tell me.”

“How do you know?”

“Two things. One, I have a friend who uses this all the time.”

“Ah.” Jack groaned, looking curiously at Ianto.

“And two, you just handed me a piece of paper telling me you're single and you work out.”

With absolutely no shame (as Ianto wasn’t surprised about), Jack took the admission in his stride. “Tricky thing, psychic paper.”

“Yeah. Can't let your mind wander when you're handing it over.” Ianto supplied, reaching across to give the paper back over to Jack. No sooner had he done so, he realised his mistake as he saw the look on Jack’s face upon reading the paper himself. He bristled, hoping the paper wouldn’t betray anything too personal in it’s response.

“Says here you’re in a complicated relationship, but he ran off after a fight and you’re not sure if shagging me would classify as cheating.” Jack grinned, waggling his eyebrows at Ianto.

“What?” 

“Actually the word you use is “abandoned”. Oof- I’m not sure this guy’s worth the time.” He said, and Ianto had to physically rub his head to get over the confusion of Jack giving him advice about his own relationship with Ianto in the future.

“I-” He stuttered.

“I’m much more interested in the “shagging” part, personally.” Jack added.

“Shall we try and get along without the psychic paper?” Ianto interrupted, wanting both the awkward conversation to end and the tricky paper to be put away. It had already come close to revealing something about his future, and he didn’t want to cause any more issues than him being here already was doing. A time paradox during the Blitz wasn’t something he remembered the history books mentioning.

“I suppose there’s other ways to  _ introduce  _ ourselves to each other.” Jack answered, voice laced with innuendo.

“I can certainly think of a few,” Ianto muttered, before he realised that his routine way of responding to Jack was something he would have to work on (if the way Jack’s eyes lit up at his response were anything to go by). He coughed, and broke the gaze he was holding with the Captain. “Nice spaceship.”

“Gets me around.” Jack responded, disappointed slightly in the change of pace of their conversation.

“Very… you.” Ianto supplied.

“Me?” Jack asked, confused.

Ianto blushed slightly. “You know, cheesy space traveller.” He fumbled. “I’m guessing you’re not a local boy, then.”

“A cell phone, a liquid crystal watch, and fabrics that won't be around for at least another two decades. Guessing you're not a local boy either.”

“Guessing right.” Ianto parried, rubbing his hands together subconsciously at the weirdness of the situation. Jack looked down at them.

“Burn your hands on the rope?” He asked, and before Ianto could reply a bomb whistling past the window of the ship caught his attention.

“Yeah,” He replied, though his attention was on the outside world as he walked towards the window he was looking out of. “We're parked in midair! Can't anyone down there see us?”

“No. Can I have a look at your hands for a moment?”

Ianto turned to him. “Why?”

“Please?” Jack asked seriously, and began to walk over when Ianto turned with his hands outstretched on his legs. When he reached him, he took Ianto’s hand gently in his left, while the other hand was shining a metal contraption directly at his palms. Ianto tried to ignore the jolt that went through his body at the contact, trying to tell himself it was something to do with the device Jack was using and not the feeling of familiar, warm hands against his own.

“You can stop acting now.” Jack said, mood once again changing in the spaceship. Ianto frowned. “I know exactly who you are. I can spot a Time Agent a mile away.”

“Time Agent?” Ianto asked, grateful that Jack had looked away from his face and back to his hands instead. He didn’t want to let anything on, and while he knew Jack used to work as a Time Agent thanks to the arrival of his old partner, Captain John, Ianto needed to pretend he hadn’t an idea about that. Perhaps he should go with him and agree he was a Time Agent? It was easier than explaining the truth, he reasoned. Would he then, as a Time Agent, recognise Jack as one?

“I've been expecting one of you guys to show up. Though not, I must say, by barrage balloon.” He continued. “Do you often travel that way?”

He gave Ianto a look as he leaned closer, and it was close enough for Ianto to smell the intoxicating mix of scents that was unmistakably Jack Harkness. The familiarity of his 51st Century pheromones went straight to his head, and clouded his mind.

“Sometimes I get swept off my feet.” Ianto admitted, forgetting just where he was for a moment. As Jack reached down to take his hands once more, the contact shocked him out of his respite. Damn Jack for being so addictive in any situation. “By- by balloons. What are you doing?”

Jack had started to wrap a piece of black material around his wrists, and under other circumstances Ianto would have taken the ties to be a prelude to something  _ far  _ more fun, but at present he felt worried as his movement was restricted.

“Try to keep still.” Jack instructed, reaching over Ianto’s head to press yet another button in his spaceship. A vague beeping noise started, and suddenly there was a mass of small, glowing lights which moved towards his palms, landing in a rough sphere across them.

“Nanogenes. Sub-atomic robots. The air in here is full of them.” Jack explained, whilst Ianto watched, transfixed at the swarm. After a few seconds, Jack pressed the same button and the lights began to fade. “They just repaired three layers of your skin.”

Bewildered at the technology, Ianto didn’t even notice Jack reach across and take the material away from his wrists.

“Well, tell them thanks.” He replied as he inspected the palms. He noticed that not only had his skin been repaired from the damage the rope had inflicted on them, but the few scars he had gained over his Torchwood career had also been removed. His finger traced his left palm where he had sported a white mark that a weevil had given him after it had got its teeth too close to his body. He was almost disappointed to see the mark go.

“Shall we get down to business?” Jack asked, bringing Ianto out of his thoughts.

“Business?”

“Shall we have a drink on the balcony?” He continued, and if Ianto didn’t know Jack better he would have been confused at the offer. But knowing Jack, he imagined business would naturally involve alcohol. From where Jack stood, a ladder descended from the roof, letting Ianto get a glimpse of the dark sky once again before the Captain walked out. “Bring up the glasses.”

Picking up the glasses seemed all too familiar to Ianto, who was very much used to bringing drinks to the present day Jack. The only thing missing was a silver tray and he would be the spitting image of the butler role he fell into at Torchwood Three. As it was, he followed Jack up.

For a second, Ianto thought this whole plot was an elaborate plan to get rid of him. Until he realised that he  _ wasn’t  _ free falling through the sky, and even though he couldn’t see anything but the streets and fires of London below him, there must be something solid under his feet that was keeping him up. He tried to look calm as he walked shakily towards where Jack was standing, admiring the view of him standing with Big Ben behind him, a grin plastered on his face.

“An invisible spaceship, then?” Ianto said, cocking his head to the side. Jack laughed.

He pulled out the same instrument that had released the nanogenes earlier, and pointed it at Ianto’s feet. Slowly the ship came into view, covering a far vaster area than Ianto had assumed it would from the cramped interior. “Yeah.” Jack admitted.

“And you’ve got it tethered up to Big Ben for some reason.”

“First rule of active camouflage- park somewhere you'll remember.”

Jack moved closer and popped open the bottle of champagne he was holding. Ianto tried not to react, but couldn’t help but grin at the laugh that Jack let out as he poured the liquid into the two glasses.

“I presume there’s a story to be told there then, sir?” He asked, and realised his mistake when Jack gave him a particularly filthy look.

“Sir, is it?” He leered, watching Ianto freeze and look anywhere but at him. “I’m down for a bit of  _ that  _ if you are. Drink up.” He pointed to Ianto’s glass, which he hadn’t touched and instead had started to swirl around absentmindedly.

“First rule of not  _ killing yourself-  _ don’t accept food or drink from strangers.” He spoke calmly, holding the glass out over the skyline and tipping it so that all of the liquid fell onto the streets below. He felt very satisfied watching the dumbfounded expression pass over Jack’s face.

“Well, no-one’s rejected me  _ quite  _ so outright before.”

“And you’re  _ sure  _ you can find her?” Rose asked the Doctor with an incredulous look on her face.

After leaving the house the homeless children had congregated in, Rose had dutifully followed the Time Lord as he had stalked the deserted streets of London. It was as if he had a trail- and Rose knew from past experiences that it was better to trust him on this one. Their journey had taken them to the edge of the block of houses, where the buildings thinned out and the grass ran greener. Rose idly realised that they were walking on an abandoned railway, and if she had been spooked out by the shadows it cast in the dark, the sight of movement scared her more.

“How'd you follow me here?” A voice-  _ Nancy’s  _ voice called out, and Rose saw her stand tall against a derelict rusty train cart.

“That’s what I want to know,” She muttered, loud enough only for herself and the Doctor to hear. They were soon standing only a few feet away from her, looking into her hideout. Rose felt a pang as she imagined living in these conditions, not knowing when the next meal would find you.

“I'm good at following, me. Got the nose for it.” The Doctor said non-committedly.

“People can't usually follow me if I don't want them to.”

“His nose has special powers.” Rose answered, rolling her eyes and gaining a small grin from the girl. She looked back at Rose.

“Yeah? That's why it's-”

“What?” The Doctor asked, offended.

“Nothing.”

“What?”

“Nothing!” She repeated, trying not to laugh as her and Rose shared a look. Despite the hostility that Nancy had shown them, the older Londoner could’ve imagined them becoming fast friends. She had the wits to know exactly how to push people’s (namely the Doctor’s) buttons, which wasn’t an easy feat. “Do your ears have special powers too?”

Rose couldn’t help but let out a laugh at that. “Can we keep her?” She asked her friend jokingly.

The Doctor only ignored her. “What are you trying to say?” He frowned, looking quite offended.

“Goodnight, Mister.” She finished, and turned her back on the two of them. However, they weren’t yet ready to give up.

“Nancy, there's something chasing you and the other kids. Looks like a boy and it isn't a boy, and it started about a month ago, right?” At his words, Nancy turned back round. She was eager to know how this man could know so much about the situation, yet also look so out of place and lack so much common knowledge. He was a mystery that she wanted to steer clear of, but wasn’t sure if she would be given the choice. 

“The thing I'm looking for, the thing that fell from the sky, that's when it landed. And you know what I'm talking about, don't you?” The Doctor continued, noticing her slightly more engaged attitude.

“There was a bomb. A bomb that wasn't a bomb. Fell the other end of Limehouse Green Station.” She admitted.

“Take me there.” The Doctor immediately instructed.

“ _ Please. _ ” Rose added, upon seeing Nancy’s face. She shook her head slowly.

“There's soldiers guarding it. Barbed wire. You'll never get through.”

“Try me.”

“You sure you want to know what's going on in there?” Nancy asked.

“It’s really important,” Rose said. “We can help you.”

“And you’ll take that cat?” She asked, pointing at the ball of white fluff which Rose was still letting rest inside her jacket. She had forgotten that the feline was even there, truth be told, and reached out to stroke it’s head.

“Yeah, Ianto Junior is coming with us.” She nodded, hearing the Doctor let out a frustrated sigh.

Nancy regarded them both for a minute, debating whether to give in or not. Deciding there would be no escaping the odd couple, especially now that she had let on that she knew something, she concluded that it would be better just to let them get what they wanted. “Then there's someone you need to talk to first.”

“And who might that be?”

“The Doctor.”

“You know, it's getting a bit late. I should really be getting back.” Ianto spoke, breaking the slightly awkward silence that had settled between him and Jack. He was finding it increasingly difficult to be physically near to his- well, he couldn’t exactly call him his  _ lover  _ or anything, as this Jack was certainly not  _ his,  _ in any sense of belonging.

“We're discussing business.” Jack said, looking up at him from where he was lounging on top of the ship, and Ianto was pointedly trying not to stare at the position his legs were in. He had unsuccessfully tried to get Ianto to join him, and when the Welshman had refused he had simply shrugged and made himself at home instead.

“This isn't business. Judging by what I have surmised about you so far, this seems like a prelude to something that  _ certainly  _ isn't business.”

“Depends on your definition of  _ business, _ ” Jack grinned, never failing to amuse Ianto with how he could twist a seemingly innocent word and make it sound completely sexual. “Do you want to move onto the next part?”

“Depends on your definition of  _ the next part, _ ” Ianto parroted back at him. “If it actually involves business, then by all means- go ahead.”

Jack flashed a quick suggestive smile at him, and then stood up. His demeanour changed entirely as a much more serious expression crossed his face. “Are you travelling alone? Are you authorised to negotiate with me?”

“What would we be negotiating?” Ianto cocked his head at Jack.

“I have something for the Time Agency. Something they'd like to buy. Are you in power to make payment?” Jack asked him, standing closer to Ianto while he gestured with his hands as he talked.

“Well, I should talk to my companions, I suppose.” Ianto pretended not to see the way Jack’s face fell slightly, and kept the smirk hidden.

“Companions?”

“I should really be getting back to them.”

“Them?” Jack asked him, and Ianto could practically see the cogs whirring in his brain. The ever so tiny bite on his lip which Ianto had come to learn the exact meaning of tipped him off to the thoughts that were no doubt swimming in Jack’s mind.

“Whatever it is that you’re thinking, stop it.” Ianto instructed, and was glad to see the cheeky smile return to Jack’s slightly bashful face. He reached into his suit to take out his pocket-watch, sighing as he remembered that due to all the jumping through time he was enduring recently, the watch was no longer synced up with Greenwich Mean Time. “Do you have the time?”

With a short cough, Jack fished back into his pocket to retrieve his trusted remote, pressing a button. Simultaneously, from behind where they were standing Big Ben lit up, striking out 9:30. Ianto didn’t need to look at Jack to see the satisfied smirk he would be donning.

“That was dramatic,” He frowned. “Aren’t we meant to be in an air raid at the moment?”

“So when you say your companions,” Jack said, dropping his tone as he stood even closer to Ianto. His hands snaked around the hips of the other man, hands falling beneath his suit jacket so that Ianto could feel the warm palms holding him through his shirt. His breath hitched slightly which he was sure Jack couldn’t have missed. “Just how disappointed should I be?”

Ianto tried to regain a semblance of self-dignity as the all too familiar situation tried to tempt him into giving in. “Okay, we're standing in midair.”

“Mmm-hmm.” Jack nodded, trailing his hands across his shirt until he reached Ianto’s hands. He brought them together, bending over slightly to place a soft kiss onto his knuckles, and Ianto had to try to prevent his brain from short-circuiting at the touch. 

“I-” He trailed, before shaking his head and reluctantly pulling his hands away. “This is neither the time or place.” He chastised, looking away from Jack.

“Well, your body is certainly telling me otherwise…” Jack drawled, and for a brief moment of panic Ianto looked down at his crotch, feeling confused and then vaguely irritated as he heard Jack laugh. “I was  _ talking  _ about the blush on your adorable rosy-red cheeks.” He patronised.

He reached out a hand as if to touch Ianto’s cheek, which the Welshman swatted away in annoyance. “Business.” He hissed out.

“Do you like Glenn Miller?” Jack asked, and upon Ianto’s blank stare pressed his remote. It triggered a piece of music to play, the melody softly seeping into the surrounding area and Ianto had to pause for a second at the surreal feeling of standing on a spaceship in the London Blitz while a younger version of his partner flirted with him (despite having being unaware of his existence before an hour ago).

“Is there anything that the remote can’t do?” Ianto asked.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Jack said and before Ianto could complain he was holding him in a dancing grip, their bodies pressed as close as possible to each other. Ianto bit his lip and allowed himself to be led through the dance, which mainly consisted of Jack moving them slowly round in a circle as they swayed in the night sky. The future Jack never allowed them enough moments of casual intimacy such as this, and Ianto decided to let himself be lulled into the dance.

“It's 1941, the height of the London Blitz, the height of the German bombing campaign, and something else has fallen on London-” Jack murmured quietly into Ianto’s ear. He paused for dramatic effect. “A fully equipped Chula warship. The last one in existence, armed to the teeth.”

He pulled back so that he was staring at Ianto, still holding him close but no longer dancing to the music. “And I know where it is, because I parked it.” He continued, showing off and expecting the short laugh Ianto gave in response. He pulled them back into their swaying dance. “If the Agency can name the right price, I can get it for you. But in two hours, a German bomb is going to fall on it and destroy it forever. That's your deadline. That's the deal. Now, shall we discuss payment?”

Ianto didn’t miss the way Jack’s eyes flickered between his own eyes and his mouth at the word ‘payment’, and decided he didn’t want to know exactly what kind of payment he would be asking for. He swallowed slowly, pretending he wasn’t completely flustered by the closeness of the two of them.

“I…” He stammered, cursing Jack for being so  _ Jack  _ despite the distance of time between them. Mentally, Ianto was kicking himself for acting so obviously attracted to the Captain, but the other part of his brain was encouraging him further- telling him to  _ kiss  _ those lips, for God’s sake! It had been so long since he had seen his partner, and the temptation his evidently willing younger self was posing was almost too much for Ianto to bear, despite priding himself on his ability to withstand Jack’s most flirtatious offers in a normal situation.

“Were you even paying attention to what I was saying?” He asked, raising one of his eyebrows. “Two hours, the bomb falls. There'll be nothing left but dust and a crater.”

Ianto coughed. “Right.” He pulled away slightly, enough to look at Jack with scrutiny. “You used to be a Time Agent, now you're some kind of freelancer?”

“Well, that's a little harsh,” He reasoned, then pulled Ianto flush against his own body once more, hands snaking back around him in a tight embrace. “I like to think of myself as a criminal.”

Ianto let out a laugh; he was still so much like the Jack he knew. Mentally, he put away the information about Jack’s current situation for further investigation. “I bet you do.” He replied breathlessly.

“So, these companions of yours, do they handle the business?” Jack asked him.

“Well, I delegate a lot of that, yeah.” Ianto lied, thinking about what the Doctor’s expression would be like when he introduced him as his own subordinate.

“Well, maybe we should go find them.”

“And how're you going to do that?” Ianto asked.

Jack pulled away, pulling a face which suggested that his question was a stupid one to have asked. “Easy,” He replied, pulling the strap away from something on his arm. “I'll do a scan for alien tech.”

Ianto immediately recognised the Vortex Manipulator from his own Jack, and was shocked to see that it worked correctly at this point in time. He wondered how much easier their lives would be if future-Jack’s own device was able to scan for alien technology, and how much time they would save tracking down rift-gifts and such.

_ Finally _ , he thought to himself.  _ A professional. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An entire chapter of Janto, just for you, our lovely readers!!! After 66k of NO Jack and Ianto interaction, we thought you guys deserved it :)  
> We also recently reached over 3000 hits on this fic, so thanks to all of you for sticking with the story and reading/kudosing/commenting on this fic! We appreciate every single one of you!!  
> We return on Sunday with Cat’s Out the Bag (for all those commenters who wanted more cat content!)  
> Find us on Tumblr @thirteeninafez and @garknessandbones


	20. Cat's Out the Bag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Meet His Feline Alter-Ego

Nancy had brought Rose and the Doctor to a cordoned off area on the outskirts of the more densely populated housing area they had previously been in. From where they were standing, they could see a mass of soldiers hovering around a military area, an item hidden under tarpaulin with barbed wire all around to prevent pedestrian access. The Doctor reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a pair of foldable glasses which Rose couldn’t remember ever having seen before. They whirred as he calibrated them, lining his shot up so that he could see closer to the site.

“The bomb's under that tarpaulin. They put the fence up over night.” Nancy explained as the Doctor continued to search the area.

“What’s the building behind this?” Rose asked, seeing the large dark property silhouetted against the sky behind it. 

“That’s the hospital,” Nancy answered. “You should head over there, once you’re done.”

“Why?” The Doctor questioned.

“That's where the doctor is. You should talk to him.”

The Doctor turned back to his glasses. ” For now, I'm more interested in getting in there.”

“Talk to the doctor first.” Nancy insisted.

“Doctor, I think we should listen to her.” Rose suggested, noting the stubborn insistence that Nancy was trying to convey to them both. When he ignored her, she frustratedly reached out and took the binoculars from his hands.

“Oi!” He frowned, turning to glare at Rose. She fixed him with a look, and he sighed.

“Why?” He asked Nancy.

“Because then maybe you won't want to get inside.” Nancy answered, turning on her heels to walk off. 

“Where're you going?”

Nancy paused, and turned once more back around to face the two of them. She glared. “There was a lot of food in that house. I've got mouths to feed. Should be safe enough now.”

“Can I ask you a question?” The Doctor continued, waiting a few seconds. When Nancy didn’t protest he spoke again. “Who did you lose?”

“What?” Nancy blinked, staring away from either of the pair’s faces. Rose winced and hoped the Doctor wouldn’t be too blunt with her feelings. It wasn’t like she hadn’t noticed the maternal way the young woman cared for the homeless children earlier in the evening. There was surely a reason for the way she acted, though Rose hadn’t been bold enough to presume Nancy would want to tell them if asked. It seemed the Doctor wasn’t considerate enough to care.

“The way you look after all those kids. It's because you lost somebody, isn't it? You're doing all this to make up for it.”

A pained look crossed Nancy’s face. “My little brother. Jamie,” She elaborated. “One night I went out looking for food. Same night that thing fell. I told him not to follow me, I told him it was dangerous, but he just- he just didn't like being on his own.”

Her eyes were blank, yet Rose could only imagine the pain she must have gone through.

“What happened?” The Doctor questioned.

A glimpse of anger flashed across her features. “In the middle of an air raid? What do you think happened?”

An awkward pause settled over the three of them. “I’m sorry.” Rose offered after a few seconds, watching as Nancy turned her head away from them once again.

“Amazing.”

“What is?” Nancy asked of the Doctor, confused.

“1941.” The Doctor began, turning his head to look at the fighter planes making a racket in the sky. “Right now, not very far from here, the German war machine is rolling up the map of Europe. Country after country, falling like dominoes. Nothing can stop it. Nothing. Until one, tiny, damp little island says no. No. Not here. A mouse in front of a lion. You're amazing, the lot of you. Don't know what you do to Hitler, but you frighten the hell out of me.”

He gave Nancy a grin, feeling happy as she ventured a not-so-annoyed look back at him. It was the best that she had given him all evening. “Off you go then do what you've got to do. Save the world.” He instructed, letting his eyes turn to Rose as he gave her a brilliant smile. She couldn’t help but return it. “Come on then, Rose. We should go meet this ‘Doctor’.”

“Have we met before?”

Ianto blinked out of his thoughts, staring at Jack as his head turned to look back at him. They had stopped in the middle of a street on the way to finding Ianto’s 'companions', and Ianto had been too lost in thought to notice that they were no longer walking until Jack had broken the silence.

“I- er, no,” He stumbled, and then decided on the best plan to distract Jack from his earlier question. “Don’t think I could forget your face that quickly.”

Jack flashed him a suggestive grin, then his lips dropped and his eyes hardened. “I mean, I’m used to people getting transfixed on this perfection,” He spoke, using his left hand to indicate his face. “But usually they don’t look as sad when staring.”

Ianto blinked. “Well, maybe I have a reason to be sad.”

“Is this about your boyfriend?” Jack continued. “Because really, he sounds like a bit of a dick. I’m sure you could find yourself a _much_ better offer somewhere around here…”

Ianto snorted quietly. “I’m sure he’d love to hear you say that.” He muttered quietly.

Jack gave him a puzzled look. “What century did you say you were from again?”

“I didn’t.”

“And your boyfriend would love to hear me flirting with you?” He questioned.

“ _Trying_ to flirt with me,” Ianto corrected.

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Is it working?”

Ianto chose to ignore him. “The relationship is… well, complicated.”

“Complicated,” Jack repeated, frowning. “I hate that word.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

Jack’s face lit up. “Well, in that case…” He said, and took a step towards Ianto. Ianto held a hand up between them both.

“I said _complicated,_ not-” He broke off, sighing and putting his hands on his hips. “Look. Let’s find my companions.”

Jack pouted slightly, but turned away to continue walking. After one step he halted, and turned to look once more at Ianto. “You never told me your name.”

“Didn’t I?” Ianto asked, thinking and then deciding that his name wasn’t going to be a massive issue if Jack seeing him this early in his timeline hadn’t destroyed the universe yet. “Jones. Ianto Jones.”

“Ianto Jones,” Jack said, butchering the pronunciation like he always did. “That’s a pretty name.”

Ianto shrugged. “It’s very common where I come from.”

Jack continued as if he hadn’t heard him. “It would sound even prettier coming out of my lips as we-”

“Do _not_ finish that sentence,” Ianto quickly said, eyes wide. He blocked a particularly explicit image of Jack beneath him, moaning his name, and instead decided to continue walking. Jack could catch up if he wanted to meet his friends.

“I’m teasing you, _Ianto._ ” Jack said, putting emphasis on his name while he turned to walk alongside him. “I’m getting signals coming from the hospital over in this direction…”

Getting them into the hospital was easy enough for the Doctor. His sonic screwdriver allowed them access to both the gates and the front doors, and before they knew it he and Rose were ready to investigate. The hallways were dark as night, as if the whole lower floor was abandoned. There were no sounds of humans around, no patients talking or crying out in pain- just the sound of their footsteps as they walked into one of the larger chambers.

The light of the moon gave them a brief sight of the room around them. The Doctor strode forwards, his eyes glancing over the patients but Rose was transfixed. Rushing closer to one that was underneath a window she saw that the patient was lying like a dead body on top of the sheets, but the part that nearly made her scream was the garment on its face. The human- as well as every other person in a bed- was wearing a gas mask identical to the one on the boy from earlier.

“Doctor,” She said quietly, trying not to make a sudden noise. “What’s wrong with them?”

“Get away from them.” He called back, walking towards the room’s exit. There was a faint yellow light coming from the corridor outside which he presumed would lead to someone who could point them in the right direction, if not the doctor himself. Rose moved to catch up with him, feeling a chill and deciding that it was better not to get left by herself.

The next room they entered had more of the same humans, each lying in an identically still position. It was easier to see these ones due to the light shining from a room at the side. As they moved closer, the door creaked and opened to reveal an old man wearing a lab coat, walking towards them whilst leaning on a walking stick.

“You’ll find them everywhere,” He said, acting unphased at the arrival of the two of them. “In every bed, in every ward. Hundreds of them.”

“Yes, I saw. Why are they still wearing gas masks?” The Doctor asked him, turning to face the older man.

“They're not. Who are you?”

“I'm, er,” The Doctor broke off, and if she was less terrified of her surroundings, Rose would’ve laughed at the two doctors in the room. “Are you the doctor?”

“Doctor Constantine. And you are?” He answered, his eyes flicking between the two of them.

“I’m Rose,” Rose offered, but before her friend could introduce himself Doctor Constantine let out a cry.

“Oh, good Heavens! An animal!” He called, and for a brief second Rose thought he was being exceptionally rude about her own appearance. It was at this moment that Ianto Junior decided to wake up from his place in Rose’s jacket and let out a meow. “No animals in the bay- take him to the corridor or leave entirely.”

Rose looked at the Doctor, who shrugged and gave her a look which seemed to say ‘it’s your fault the cat came along with us’. She muttered an apology and decided it would be better to wait in the corridor as instructed. Being further away from the creepy patients was just a happy bonus, she concluded.

“Hello?” Jack called out in his American accent as soon as he and Ianto had stepped foot into the hospital.

“Hello?” Ianto echoed, walking towards the left corridor as there was light coming from it.

“Ianto?” He heard a female voice call, and quickly made his way to where he had heard his name. Jack followed behind him, happy enough to watch the backside of the attractive man as he walked purposefully onwards.

They turned the corner, and before either of them could react a blonde female was throwing her arms around Ianto and pulling him into a hug.

“Ianto! You’re back!” She exclaimed as she pulled back from Ianto and gave him a wide grin. He couldn’t help but return it, watching her eyes leave him and fall onto his companion instead. She looked vaguely confused, but not at all disappointed to see the tall, handsome figure who Ianto had brought with him.

“Good evening. Hope we're not interrupting.” He began, letting his eyes rake over Rose’s body as he took in her appearance. His hand reached out to shake hers as he introduced himself. “Jack Harkness. You must be Rose.”

Rose looked at her hand which was still being gripped by Jack’s own, and looked back at Ianto. “He knows. I had to tell him about us being Time Agents.” Ianto said calmly, trying to send a message to Rose telepathically. When she didn’t react in a particularly confused manor Ianto let himself breathe again. Trying to fool Jack hadn’t been hard when it was just the two of them, but he had prayed on the journey over that his friends wouldn’t blow his cover the second they met him.

“Ianto didn’t tell me all of his companions were as attractive as him.” He flirted, finally letting go of Rose’s hand and enjoying the blush that spread across her face. From beside him Ianto clenched and unclenched his fists, feeling unreasonably jealous all of a sudden at Jack’s flirtatious nature. Obviously he was used to the way his partner would behave around anything with legs, regardless of whether he was standing next to Ianto or not, but that didn’t mean he had to enjoy watching him act this way. And, he supposed, he had even less of a right to feel like that considering the man next to him had only met him an hour ago.

“Don’t get your hopes up for the third,” He muttered, shooting Rose an amused look. His eyes drifted to her jacket, where Ianto spotted something white and fluffy poking out of the side. “Is that an animal?”

There was a pause, and then Rose burst out into laughter, pulling the cat out from under her coat. “Ianto. Meet Ianto.” She introduced, holding the cat out and dropping him so that Ianto had no choice but to catch it in his hands.

“I- what?” Ianto spluttered, holding the cat as far away from him as possible. “Rose! I’m allergic to cats!”

With a low chuckle the ball of fur was taken from his arms. Ianto watched as Jack picked up the cat, pulling it to his chest as he cuddled and cooed it. “Oh, look at you,” He said in a sweet voice, his fingers tickling it’s head as it purred in response. Ianto froze as he watched on, not remembering his Jack having any particularly fond affection for felines. “Oh _Ianto,_ aren’t you just the cutest thing?” He looked up from the cat and shot the human Ianto a devilish smirk.

Ianto’s brain chose that moment to short-circuit. Knowing full well the effect he was having on the Welshman, Jack looked away from him and turned back to the cat in his arms. After a few moments of blank staring, Ianto shook his head and turned to look at Rose once again. He saw that he wasn’t the only person in the room transfixed on the six foot man cuddling the small cat. 

“Why- why do you have a cat called Ianto?” He asked of Rose. She grinned sheepishly.

“Well, you disappeared and all we could find was him.” She explained. “Thought you might have been turned into a cat. Stranger things have happened.”

Ianto took a closer look at the cat currently trying to snuggle into Jack’s neck (was it even possible to be jealous of a _cat_?) and quite clearly came to a conclusion. “Rose. The cat is a girl.”

His words set Rose off again, and he couldn’t help but join in, letting out a quiet chuckle at the situation.

“Well, she seems to like me either way.” Jack said, noticing how the cat had fallen asleep against him.

“Do you want me to take her back?” Rose offered, despite being grateful for the break she had had. Now that Ianto was back with them she found herself wishing that she had decided to leave the cat where she had found it as it was turning out to be more of a nuisance than it was worth.

“No no, I don’t mind. I’m quite enjoying holding onto _little Ianto_.” Jack said, winking at Rose. Ianto choked on thin air, sending Jack a glare as the Captain turned to wag his eyebrows at him. Intending to ask Rose where the Doctor was, he faced her (trying to ignore the knowing yet questioning smile she was sending his way)- but before he could open his mouth the door from the end of the corridor burst open to reveal the Time Lord himself.

The Doctor took a moment to look between Rose grinning, Ianto flustered and an odd man in an RAF coat holding the cat. He frowned.

“Hello? Have I walked in on something?” He asked.

“Pleasure to meet you, Mr Spock,” Jack said, holding his hand out for him to take. “Ianto’s explained to me that you’re Time Agents, no need to pretend on my behalf.” He winked at the Doctor, then walked past him to enter into the ward.

Rose turned to follow. “I’ll keep an eye on him.” She said, walking off and leaving the Doctor with Ianto.

“Mister Spock?” He demanded of Ianto as soon as the door swung shut behind them.

“Well, I had to tell him something. You don’t have a name.” He pointed out.

“And Time Agents?”

“He _assumed,_ that wasn’t my idea.” Ianto said, trying not to act too defensive. For now at least he didn’t think it was wise to let the Doctor know about how he knew Jack. If he told him the truth then it might change the way he acted around Jack, which would probably cause some sort of time paradox and destroy London before Ianto was even born. No Torchwood One, no Canary Wharf, no Ianto meeting Jack, no Ianto getting sucked into the past, and no Ianto meeting younger Jack. A paradox in itself.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” The Doctor asked, bringing him out of his thoughts.

“Nothing,” Ianto replied quickly, then amended his response. “Something Jack mentioned. Do you know what a Chula warship is?”

“Chula?” He said, nonplussed- which answered Ianto’s question for him. “What’s he doing here anyway?”

“He saved me from falling to my death from a barrage balloon in the Blitz. Thought the least I could do was introduce him to my friends.” Ianto replied sarcastically.

“Barrage balloon?”

“Yup. Let’s head back in and find out what’s going on,” Ianto said, ignoring the Doctor’s confused expression.

“Who put you in charge all of a sudden?” The Doctor whined, speeding up to catch up with Ianto as he walked towards the hospital wing.

“Um,” Ianto said, pretending to think for a minute before his face went slack and he smiled politely. “I did, actually. Told Jack you two were my subordinates.” He bit down the grin that was threatening to rise as the Doctor’s mouth hung open in annoyance.

“Come on. If Jack’s acting in any way like he did with me when we met, then Rose will probably already be dancing in his arms.” Ianto muttered nonchalantly. “Or fainting.” He added as an afterthought.

Leaving a dumbfounded Doctor to catch up with him, Ianto strolled confidently into the medical wing.

“This just isn't possible,” Jack remarked, pulling back from where he was standing and monitoring a patient with his wrist-strap. “How did this happen?”

“What kind of Chula ship landed here?” The Doctor asked, ignoring his question.

Jack stopped his pacing and whipped his head at the person who had just spoken. “What?”

“He said it was a warship,” Ianto offered. “He stole it, parked it somewhere out there, somewhere a bomb's going to fall on it unless we make him an offer.”

“What kind of warship?”

“Does it matter? It's got nothing to do with this.” Jack bit back, acting very defensively. Ianto looked at the younger man and saw the telltale signs he knew all too well from his Jack. He could see the few beads of sweat forming on his brow; the way he gestured just a little more violently than before.

“He’s lying.” Ianto said, looking directly at Jack and letting his anger and disappointment show. “You lied to me.”

“I didn’t lie _._ ” He shot back, but Ianto knew better. He couldn’t believe that he had let his opinion of Jack crowd his judgement when the man in front of him was hundreds of years younger than the Jack he knew. Of course he shouldn’t have trusted him straight off the bat. What had he been thinking? He felt disappointed and slightly betrayed, but more than that he felt angry at himself for letting his feelings get the better of him.

“This started at the bomb site. It's got everything to do with it,” The Doctor said, his voice raised and angry. He walked towards Jack. “What kind of warship?”

“An ambulance!” Jack finally admitted, stunning the other people around him into silence. “Look.” 

Jack pressed a button on his wrist-strap and a blue, holographic image shone above it. It showed the cylindrical object that Ianto remembered seeing on the Tardis’s control panel a few hours prior, and his heart sank further.

“That's what you chased through the Time Vortex. It's space junk. I wanted to kid you it was valuable. It's empty. I made sure of it. Nothing but a shell.” He insisted, gesturing wildly with his hands. “I threw it at you. Saw your time travel vehicle- love the retro look, by the way,” He said, voice changing from annoyed to something a bit more honest. “-Nice panels. Threw you the bait-”

“Bait?” Ianto asked, feeling even more stupid than before.

“I wanted to sell it to you and then destroy it before you found out it was junk.” He admitted, not looking into the Welshman’s eyes.

“You said it was a war ship.” Ianto muttered angrily.

“They have ambulances in wars.” Jack responded, staring at Ianto and rolling his eyes, evidently annoyed. His coolness towards Ianto felt the polar opposite of their earlier encounter and the bitterness stung. “It was a con. I was conning you. That's what I am, I'm a con man.”

He looked at the three of them, his frustration bleeding out into his words. “I thought you were Time Agents. You're not, are you.”

“Just a few more freelancers.” Rose piped up, looking as annoyed as Ianto felt.

“Oh. Should have known.” He laughed bitterly. “The way you guys are blending in with the local colour. I mean, Pink-Shirt Guy was bad enough, but U-Boat Captain? Flag Girl?” He paused as the Doctor took a moment to look down at his clothes.

“Oh, because you’re so great for lying about being an RAF Captain?” Ianto said, shooting Jack an angry look.

“At least I’m blending in, rather than drawing attention to my ass while hanging in the sky!” Jack retorted. Their eyes met for a moment of passionate frustration before Jack broke their stare, looking to the Doctor instead. “Anyway, whatever's happening here has got nothing to do with that ship.”

“What is happening here, Doctor?” Rose asked.

“Human DNA is being rewritten,” He said after a pause. “By an idiot.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don't know. Some kind of virus converting human beings into these things. But why? What's the point?”

His questions didn’t have time to be answered. As soon as he had stopped speaking, every single patient in the room sat up straight, turning to look at the group. Rose jerked away from the human she had been observing and walked quickly back to the others.

“Mummy. Mummy.” They began to chant, each figure calling out in a different voice yet laced with the same, childish tone. Ianto took in a breath, fighting off his fear as he stood closer to the Doctor. "Mummy? Mummy?"

“What's happening?” He asked.

“I don't know.” The Doctor replied, slowly walking backwards as they all stood up. They began to walk towards the group, still eerily chanting the word ‘Mummy’ as they moved.

“Don't let them touch you.” He instructed.

“What happens if they touch us?”

The Doctor paused. “You're looking at it.”

Ianto whipped around as he hit something behind his back, but realised that it was thankfully only the wall of the ward. Then he realised, seeing the way the patients moved towards them, that there was nothing thankful about being backed up against a wall, and cursed out loud.

“Help me, Mummy.”

“Mummy.”

_“Mummy, help.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack's not quite the Jack that Ianto is used to yet, but we have a lot of development to put these boys through yet!!!!!!!!! Everybody who has commented about the cat, I hope we have pleased you so far! :P Talking of comments, thank you guys so much for all of them! We love all of the comments so so so much- they really keep us invested in writing this fic!!!   
> Find us on Tumblr @thirteeninafez and @garknessandbones


	21. The Doctor Dances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Faces the Gas-Masked Mummy-Missing Creatures

“Go to your room.”

Ianto froze as the Doctor spoke, almost patronizingly, to the figures in the room. As soon as the words left his mouth their movement stopped, which Ianto was  _ very  _ grateful for as there was barely any space left for the gas-masked people to walk into before they would’ve been upon them. As it was, they were stopped no more than a metre away from them, staring at the Doctor (he assumed. The gas masks made it hard to tell.)

“Go to your room,” He repeated, and in response every figure cocked their head, beginning to let it hang downwards. “I mean it. I'm very, very angry with you. I am very, very cross. Go to your  _ room _ !”

As the Doctor shouted his last word, the patients all turned slowly around, shuffling away back to their beds as if they were embarrassed. It looked like they were ashamed of themselves, Ianto thought, then realised that at some point during all the danger he had grabbed Jack’s arm out of reflex. He snatched his hand away as if the arm was burning and looked at the floor, feeling Jack’s gaze fall on him.

“I'm really glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words.” The Doctor said jokingly, grinning as he let out a sigh of relief.

“You scared Ianto.” Jack stated, pulling a mewling animal out of a pocket on the inside of his army coat. 

“No you didn’t-” Ianto frowned, thinking of his grip on Jack’s arm before he caught sight of the cat and understood. He almost laughed before his memory of Jack’s con sobered his thoughts. “Ah. The cat.”

It seemed the Doctor was also remembering his actions. “How was your con supposed to work?” The Time Lord asked.

“Simple enough, really,” He replied, sitting down on an empty chair in the middle of the room. “Find some harmless piece of space junk, let the nearest Time Agent track it back to Earth, convince him it's valuable, name a price. When he's put fifty percent up front, oops! A German bomb falls on it, destroys it forever. He never gets to see what he's paid for, never knows he's been had. I buy him a drink with his own money, and we discuss dumb luck. The perfect self-cleaning con.”

“Yeah. Perfect.” Ianto muttered, sending a glare at Jack.

“The London Blitz is great for self-cleaners. Pompeii's nice if you want to make a vacation of it though, but you've got to set your alarm for volcano day.” He continued, breaking out into laughter at his own joke. After the rest of them didn’t join in, he stopped. “Getting a hint of disapproval.”

“Take a look around the room. This is what your harmless piece of space-junk did.”

“It was a burnt-out medical transporter. It was empty.” Jack responded, his jovial manor replaced with the same serious and frustrated one from earlier.

“Rose, Ianto.” The Doctor called as he began to walk out of the room. Rose stood to follow him, yet Ianto stayed put whilst he decided if leaving Jack was a good thing to do or not.

“Are we getting out of here?” Rose asked.

“We're going upstairs.”

“I even programmed the flight computer so it wouldn't land on anything living. I harmed no-one.” Jack shouted, before taking a deep breath. “I don't know what's happening here, but believe me, I had nothing to do with it.”

“I'll tell you what's happening.” The Doctor said, raising his voice. “You forgot to set your alarm clock. It's volcano day.”

A siren suddenly sounded, rising up to a note and staying there. Rose frowned.

“What's that?”

“The ‘all clear’.” Ianto offered. The Doctor merely rolled his eyes.

“I wish.” He muttered, sending a glare at Jack before he opened the doors and walked out. The others raced to follow him, Jack’s decision to stick with them deciding for Ianto where he would go.

They raced forwards, Jack in the lead followed closely by Rose and Ianto, and yet even then they somehow managed to lose track of where the Doctor had gone.

“Mister Spock?” Jack shouted.

“Doctor?” Rose added, using the Doctor’s real name. As they ran past a staircase, Ianto turned and got a small glimpse of a grinning face, ears sticking out from the side.

“Have you got a blaster?” The Doctor asked, Ianto beckoning the others back to where he was before he took to the stairs, two at a time.

“Sure!” Jack answered, not surprising Ianto. They all made quick work of the stairs, running to join the Time Lord on the next floor up. He was standing in front of a grey, metal door which reminded Ianto of some sort of holding cell. He frowned in confusion as he tried to work it out.

“The night your space-junk landed, someone was hurt. This was where they were taken.” The Doctor explained, pointing at the door and glaring at Jack once more.

“What happened?” Ianto asked.

“Let's find out. Get it open.” He instructed, staring pointedly at Jack as he moved back. Jack gave a short laugh, reaching into a big pocket of his coat. He pulled out a long, obviously futuristic weapon, slightly curved and glowing blue from a light on the side. Ianto watched, far too captivated by the way Jack held it with two hands and aimed it at the handle. Surprisingly the weapon hummed and shot out some sort of blue pulse, shaped with straight edges- and then there was a perfect square cut into the metal. Jack swung the door back open and looked at Ianto, sending him a wink.

“Sonic blaster, fifty-first century. Weapon Factories of Villengard?” The Doctor asked Jack.

“You've been to the factories?”

“Once.” He said, taking the weapon off Jack and inspecting it.

“Well, they're gone now, destroyed. The main reactor went critical. Vaporized the lot.” Jack lamented.

“Like I said,” The Doctor said nonchalantly. “Once. There's a banana grove there, now. I like bananas. Bananas are good.” He finished with a grin at Jack, leaving him unsure on what to think or how to react. Ianto smiled and followed the Doctor through the door, hearing Rose begin to speak.

“Nice blast pattern.” She ventured, and Ianto glanced back to look at the two of them.

“Digital.”

“Squareness gun.”

“Yeah.”

Rose considered him for a moment. “I like it.”

Ianto dragged his gaze away from the two of them as the trademark Jack Harkness smirk was bestowed on Rose. Something sat heavy in his stomach and he wondered for a second if this Jack would even pay him any mind when he had two obviously better options to choose from instead.

He tried not to let his disappointment grow as he heard the two of them laugh from behind him, and instead moved to walk into the room the Doctor had entered. The room was dark and messy- and that was  _ before  _ Ianto noticed the broken glass that had evidently been smashed from the inside.

“Something escaped.” Ianto murmured, looking through the glass and into the room behind. Whilst their current room looked more like an office, the room in front looked akin to a child's room- if a concrete floor was the usual material used in a child’s room. There were drawings pasted on all of the walls, and a teddy bear sat on the floor amongst more abandoned drawings.

“Nice observation. And?” The Doctor prompted.

“Something powerful. Angry.” Jack added, all four of them focused on the space around them.

“Powerful and angry.” The Doctor repeated. Ianto ventured his way into the next room, hearing footsteps behind him as he was followed.

“A child?” Jack breathed.

“I suppose this explains ‘Mummy’.” Ianto muttered.

“How could a child do this?” Rose asked in confusion. From the other room, they heard a click and whirred round to face the noise. It was revealed to be the Doctor, pressing a button on some sort of old fashioned recording device, which became apparent once voices began to speak.

_ “Do you know where you are?” _

_ “Are you my Mummy?”  _

Ianto recognised the voice as the same one he had heard on the roof. He shivered and realised he had been lucky to have escaped when he did, even if it had put him in an unfortunate situation.

_ “Are you aware of what's around you? Can you see?” _

_ “Are you my Mummy?” _

_ “What do you want? Do you know-" _

_ “I want my Mummy. Are you my Mummy? I want my Mummy! Are you my Mummy? Are you my Mummy? Mummy? Mummy?” _

Jack looked around the room and with a start realised that every single drawing was a child’s representation of a female figure. He gasped quietly as he pictured the poor child stuck in a room, begging for his Mummy. 

“Doctor, I've heard this voice before.” Ianto said.

“Me too.”

_ “Mummy?” _

“Always are you my Mummy?” Rose said. “Like he doesn't know.”

_ “Mummy?” _

“Why doesn't he know?”

_ “Are you there, Mummy? Mummy?” _

The Doctor decided that now was the time for him to leave the observation room and join them inside the child’s instead. He began to pace, obviously thinking deeply about something.

“Doctor?” Rose asked, 

“Can you sense it?”

“Sense what?” Jack asked, frowning.

“Coming out of the walls. Can you feel it?” He said, his voice rising in tone and volume. Ianto stared at him, trying to piece together what he was thinking. He didn’t have much hope- the Doctor usually came to his own conclusions without caring to enlighten them until it was time for a dramatic reveal. He rolled his eyes mentally, but then tensed up again as the boy’s voice called out for his Mummy once more.

“Funny little human brains. How do you get around in those things?” The Doctor mocked, turning to look at the three of them in amusement. Ianto rolled his eyes and turned to Jack.

“When he's stressed, he likes to insult species.” He explained.

“Ianto, I'm thinking.” He muttered.

“He cuts himself shaving, he does half an hour on life forms he's cleverer than…” Rose continued, joining in with Ianto and his joking mockery of their friend.

The Doctor stopped pacing suddenly. “There are these children living rough round the bomb sites. They come out during air-raids looking for food-”

_ “Mummy, please?” _

“Suppose they were there when this thing, whatever it was, landed?

“It was a med-ship. It was harmless.” Jack repeated slowly. Ianto heard a slight tremor in his voice and wondered if the Captain was beginning to doubt himself.

“Yes, you keep saying harmless.” The Doctor continued, turning his head between the three humans. “Suppose one of them was affected, altered?”

“Altered how?” Rose asked.

_ “I'm here!” _

The Doctor paused. “It's afraid.” He realised, talking quickly as he thought. “Terribly afraid and powerful. It doesn't know it yet, but it will do.” He broke off into an amused yet slightly nervous laugh. “It's got the power of a god, and I just sent it to it's room.”

“Doctor,” Ianto muttered, suddenly feeling a wave of fear fall over him. There was a clicking noise running through the air that he hadn’t heard before, and it was with a jolt that he realised what the noise was. “The tape.”

_ “I'm here. Can't you see me?” _

“What about the tape?” Jack demanded.

“It ran out about thirty seconds ago.” The Doctor spoke, cool as possible as the dread fell over the rest of the figures in the room.

_ “I'm here, now. Can't you see me?” _

“I sent it to it's room. This is it's room.”

Ianto turned to the tape and his heart jumped into his throat at the sight of the young boy. It was the same one as had been standing on the top of the roof earlier in the evening. Without pausing to think, he reached into his suit and pulled out the gun he kept for when it really was needed. He cocked it and pointed it at the figure, trying not to think about the morals of pointing a deadly weapon at a young boy.

“Oh, now  _ that’s  _ a sexy look.” He heard Jack mumble from beside him. He ignored his voice.

“Get behind me!” He barked, his Welsh accent dropping lower due to the fear and stress he was feeling.

“Ianto, put the gun down!” The Doctor ordered, sounding almost disappointed. Ianto chose to also ignore the Time Lord too.

“No, don’t take this away from me yet…” Jack whined, and Ianto could vividly see the expression that he knew was on Jack’s face, even without looking at him.

“Mummy?”

“Since when did you carry a gun?” Rose asked.

“Always do. Torchwood protocol.” He explained quickly, trying to quell the tremor from his voice.

“Ah, so  _ that  _ was what was in your trouser pocket earlier. I  _ was  _ wondering.” Jack leered.

“Are you my Mummy? Mummy?” The boy called.

“Doctor?” Ianto asked, panic causing his hand to shake the smallest bit. He didn’t  _ want  _ to shoot- not if the Doctor could get them out of the situation in another way. The boy in front of them cocked his head as the other figures had done earlier in the hospital bay. Suddenly, his hand was covered with another familiar hand, and his gun was being pushed downwards.

“Let me use mine instead.” Jack spoke from very close to his ear. “Newer technology, much more reliable-”

He was broken off when his other hand returned from his coat with not the curved gun from before, but instead a yellow, ripe banana. For a second the two men stared at it in confusion.

“Mummy?” The boy asked again.

Quick as a flash, the Doctor moved behind them to take Jack’s gun out of his own belt. Ianto didn’t stop to think about where and when the Time Lord had swapped the weapon, or the absurdity of the situation, and instead stared at the square hole that he had just made in the wall.

“Go now! Don't drop the banana!” The Doctor shouted.

“Why not?!” Jack called, dutifully doing as told.

“Good source of potassium!” The Doctor grinned, and Ianto had to bite down the sarcastic remark he wanted to let out.

The four of them clambered through the hole, the Doctor arriving last out of them. As soon as he had made it through, Jack was snatching back his weapon.

“Give me that!” He spoke, evidently annoyed. From through the hole they could all see the boy walking closer towards them.

“Mummy. I want my Mummy.” He cried, but before he could get any closer Jack was shooting his weapon at the hole. It quickly closed up, leaving them breathless and alone in the new room.

“Digital rewind. Nice switch.” Jack said, throwing the banana back at the Doctor. Ianto however could see through his jovial attitude, and could tell that deep down Jack was feeling embarrassed and was trying to play the situation off as a joke. It took a lot to bruise Jack’s ego, and Ianto was unsurprised to find the Doctor able to do so.

“It's from the groves of Villengard. I thought it was appropriate.” The Doctor said, smiling and also picking up on Jack’s attitude.

“There's really a banana grove in the heart of Villengard and you did that?”

The Doctor shrugged and waved the fruit around. “Bananas are good.”

Then, a noise of something hitting the wall hard was heard, and Ianto saw cracks appear in the wall paint.

“Doctor!” Rose shouted.

“Come on!” The four of them broke out into another run, following once more the Time Lord’s lead. He took them down a lit corridor, running forwards to get away from the boy. When they rounded the corner, they stopped sharp at the sight of the double doors in front of them being pushed open- revealing around a dozen different people with gas masks on, each calling out for their Mummy. They twisted around and backtracked, only to find that pathway blocked off by another group of humans.

Hearts beating, they came to a stop in the middle ground- right where the child was trying to smash through the wall they had escaped through.

“It's keeping us here till it can get at us.” The Doctor shouted, out of breath.

“It's controlling them?” Jack asked.

“It is them. It's every living thing in this hospital.”

“It’s like a hive mind.” Ianto noted.

“Okay,” Jack said, holding his gun out. “This can function as a sonic blaster, a sonic cannon, and as a triple-enfolded sonic disruptor. Doc, what you got?”

“I've got a sonic, er-” He started, pulling his screwdriver out of his pocket and then looking at it in slight disappointment. “Oh, never mind.”

“What?” Jack asked, distracted as the people continued to walk towards them. In not much time Ianto knew they would be upon them, and their fate would be to join the gas-masked Mummy-missing creatures.

“It's sonic, okay? Let's leave it at that.”

“Disrupter? Cannon? What?”

“It's sonic! Totally sonic! I am soniced up!” The Doctor babbled, waving his screwdriver around as it buzzed.

“A sonic  _ what _ ?!” Jack practically shouted.

“ _ Screwdriver _ !” The Doctor roared back, turning around to shout in his face. By this point Rose and Ianto had had enough. Rose took it upon herself to grab Jack's blaster and pointed it at the floor, pressing Jack’s hands onto the button and watching as the floor opened up.

“Going down!” She shouted as they dropped to the ward below.

Ianto hit the floor with great force, feeling his body ache as the unexpected drop reverberated through his bones. He cried out quietly, watching from his place on the floor as Jack reached up to close the gap once more. He could hear Rose and the Doctor bickering from beside him, and then a hand entered his vision.

“Need a hand?” Jack asked, having already stood up. Ianto nodded gratefully and took the offered help, letting himself be pulled upwards. “You okay?”

“Fine,” Ianto nodded. “Still a little sore from earlier.”

Jack’s face morphed into a grin and Ianto  _ knew  _ some form of innuendo was coming before it left his mouth. “We didn’t go  _ that  _ far earlier. Hope I didn’t tire you out.”

“Ha.” Ianto said back sarcastically, his face blank as he walked to aid Rose in her search for a light switch.

“Who has a sonic screwdriver?” He heard Jack ask the Doctor, rolling his eyes at the continued argument.  _ Boys and their toys,  _ he thought to himself.

“I do.”

“Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, ooo, this could be a little more sonic?”

“What, you've never been bored? Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?” The Doctor said defensively. Ianto knew the carefully guided pride he took in his screwdriver, so wasn’t surprised at the defensive stance he was taking.

He was surprised, however, when Rose found a light switch and illuminated the bay, causing every human in a bed to sit up straight and stare at them.

“Mummy.” Their cries began.

“Door.” Jack instructed, pointing his blaster at the exit to the ward. However, despite his insistent press of the button nothing seemed to be coming out of the gun. He grunted with effort and then sighed, frustrated. “Damn it!”

“What?” Ianto asked from beside him.

“It's the special features. They really drain the battery.”

“The battery?” Rose parroted. By the time they had finished speaking, the Doctor had managed to use his own sonic device to undo the lock on the door, quickly scampering into the storeroom behind. As soon as they got inside he turned and did the opposite, sealing the door so that they were trapped inside and the people in the wing were kept out.

“That's so lame!” Rose mocked, indicating the out-of-power weapon Jack was still holding.

“I was going to send for another one, but somebody's got to blow up the factory.” Jack said, staring passive aggressively at the Doctor. He ran up to check the window of the room, noting the large distance between them and the floor below.

“Oh, I know. First day I met him, he blew my job up. That's practically how he communicates.” Rose muttered.

“Talking of guns,” The Doctor said, walking away from the door that he had managed to block and standing in front of Ianto. His hand was outstretched and his face unimpressed. “Bullets. Now.”

Ianto tried to hold back an eye roll, knowing deep down that there was no way the pacifist Time Lord would have let him keep his gun after waving it in a child’s face. “I don’t think-”

“No, that’s the problem. You don’t think. Hand me the bullets.” He insisted, and Ianto knew he wasn’t going to win this fight. He reached back into his pocket for his gun, emptying the weapon of its bullets and passing it to the Doctor, who smiled sarcastically at him. “Okay, that door should hold it for a bit.”

“The door? The wall didn't stop it!” Jack shouted, worried.

“Well, it's got to find us first! Come on, we're not done yet! Assets, assets!” The Doctor replied, continuing to search the room.

“Well, I've got a banana, and in a pinch you could put up some shelves.”

Ianto snorted at the remark, catching Jack’s eyes before turning to aid the Doctor in his search.

“Window.”

“Barred. Sheer drop outside. Seven stories.” Jack pointed out.

“I think- and this is just a hunch- but we might be stuck in here.” Ianto helpfully added.

Jack walked towards a chair and sat down, appreciating the Welshman’s sarcasm. “Well, the assets conversation went in a flash, didn't it?”

The Doctor turned away from the window, staring not at Jack but at Ianto, as if it were his fault that they were in this mess. “So, where'd you pick this one up, then?”

“He picked me up,  _ actually _ .” Ianto replied, feeling oddly defensive. Watching Jack act like this was almost… well,  _ embarrassing  _ for Ianto. He knew that the 51st Century man was a lot more heroic and brave and  _ yes,  _ dashing. This Jack, younger and with a slightly different face, was far from the man Ianto knew.  _ And loved,  _ his traitorous brain added.

“Quite literally,” Jack smirked. “He was hanging from a barrage balloon, I had an invisible spaceship. I never stood a  _ chance _ .” He finished, flashing Ianto a cheeky grin.

_ Different,  _ Ianto considered.  _ But just as infuriatingly charming. _

The Doctor didn’t dignify Jack with a reply. “Okay. One, we've gotta get out of here. Two, we can't get out of here. Have I missed anything?”

Ianto, moving his eyes from the Doctor to Rose, nearly missed her speaking in the shock that followed.

“Yeah. Jack just disappeared.”

They looked around the room, speechless for a few minutes. Ianto watched as the Doctor sat heavily down on a chair, obviously giving up in his attempts to escape from the room. Ianto himself leaned against the wall, looking at the space where Jack had just vacated. He bitterly tried not to think about how his Jack wouldn’t have abandoned them, trying to remind himself that this  _ wasn’t  _ his Jack and of course he was a completely different man. Hell, he probably wasn’t even immortal yet so of _course_ he would try to escape this place with his life.

“Okay, so he's vanished into thin air,” Rose helpfully pointed out. “Why is it always the great looking ones who do that?”

“I'm making an effort not to be insulted.” The Doctor replied sarcastically.

“I mean, men.”

“Me included?” Ianto couldn’t help but joke.

“Well,” Rose thought. “You didn’t disappear. More like, randomly  _ appear  _ instead.”

Ianto nodded; she had a fair point. Before anyone could speak again, a crackling noise was heard as a radio from the side of the room began to turn on.

_ “Ianto? Rose? Doctor? Can you hear me? I'm back on my ship.”  _ The unmistakable voice of Captain Jack Harkness rang out, raising Ianto’s mood just a tad. He  _ hadn’t  _ completely abandoned them afterall!  _ “Used the emergency teleport. Sorry I couldn't take you. It's security-keyed to my molecular structure. I'm working on it. Hang in there.” _

Rather than look happy at the prospect of escaping, the Doctor frowned in thought. “How're you speaking to us?” He asked Jack.

_ “Om-Com. I can call anything with a speaker grill.” _

“Now there's a coincidence.”

_ “What is?” _

“The child can Om-Com, too.” The Doctor explained, catching Ianto’s surprised look.

“He can?” The Welshman queried.

“Anything with a speaker grill. Even the Tardis phone.”

“The child can phone us then?” Ianto asked, miming a phone with his left hand. “Hello? Can you tell me where you are so I can find you and turn your head into a gas mask? Only, I miss my Mummy and that might make me feel better.”

Ianto heard a short laugh which was suddenly cut off with another crackle from the speaker. This time there was no American drawl to be heard- only the familiar voice of the young boy.  _ “And I can hear you. Coming to find you. Coming to find you.” _

The speaker fizzled once more, Jack’s voice returning.  _ “Doctor, can you hear that?” _

“Loud and clear.”

_ “I'll try to block out the signal. Least I can do.”  _ Jack helpfully spoke.

_ “Coming to find you, Mummy.”  _ The creepy child’s voice spoke, sending a chill down Ianto’s spine. They were trapped in this store room, just waiting for the infected humans to come and find them.

_ “Remember this one, Ianto?”  _ Jack asked, and all of a sudden the speaker began to play out the same piece of music that he and Ianto had danced to up on the invisible ship. Ianto blushed slightly as Rose and the Doctor turned to stare at him in confusion, Rose with an eyebrow quipped.

“Ehm-” Ianto blanked, staring back at them.

“Your song?” Rose helpfully asked, her eyes glittering.

“Something like that.” Ianto reluctantly admitted. “Made me dance with him.”

The shocked grin on Rose’s face was almost worth the embarrassment that admitting the fact that he had danced with Jack had caused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello from the past!! (Of Monday...) Today we are actually editing the first of our original episodes, out this time in a week, due to the fact that I (Remi) am going on holiday this Friday! Fear not, I shall still be able to reply to each and every one of your lovely comments- so keep them coming!!  
> Time Tracks returns on Friday with Playing Cat and Mouse (I know, enough of the cat puns already...)  
> Find us on Tumblr @thirteeninafez and @garknessandbones


	22. Playing Cat and Mouse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Gets His 'Groove' On

After Jack had gone silent and the child’s voice had been blocked out, Rose took a seat in a wheelchair that had been sitting at the side of the room.

“What you doing?” She asked the Doctor, wheeling the chair over to where he was standing and waving his buzzing sonic screwdriver at the window.

“Trying to set up a resonation pattern in the concrete, loosen the bars.” The Doctor said, not giving her any attention.

“You don't think he's coming back, do you?” She asked.

“Wouldn't bet my life.” Was his curt reply.

“I would.” Ianto muttered under his breath, too quiet for the other two across the room to hear. They were too caught up in each other to pay attention to him, either way, which suited Ianto just fine.

“Why don't you trust him?”

“Why do you?” The Doctor deflected.

“Well, he saved my best friend's life. Bloke-wise, that's up there with flossing.” She explained, shooting Ianto a look. When the Doctor refused to reply, she sighed and spoke more sincerely. “I trust him because he's like you. Except... with dating and dancing.” She added. The Doctor finally looked at her, and shook his head. “What?”

“You just assume I'm-”

“What?” Rose implored, and Ianto suddenly felt like the room was too stuffy. (God allow him to survive the ‘domestic’ that he could see coming between the two of them). If it wasn’t for the infected humans outside he would’ve slipped out of the room.

“You just assume that I don't... dance.”

“What, are you telling me you do dance?” Rose teased, and Ianto could hear the grin on her face from where he was sitting.

“Nine hundred years old, me. I've been around a bit. I think you can assume at some point I've _danced_.”

“You?”

“Problem?” He said, defensively. Ianto felt extremely uncomfortable, belatedly wondering if the Doctor knew what Rose was implying by the word ‘dance’ or not.

“Doesn't the universe implode or something if you dance?” 

“Well, I've got the moves but I wouldn't want to boast.” The Doctor said nonchalantly from where he was still staring at the barred window.

Rose’s grin was all too evident at his reply. She finally left the wheelchair, standing up and moving to turn the volume on the radio higher, flashing Ianto a wink as she passed him. He stayed silently put, happy to simply watch the proceedings. A part of him was very eager to see the response of the two of them- you’d have to be blind not to notice the way Rose acted around the Time Lord.

“You've got the moves?” She asked, walking towards her prey and holding out her hand. He turned to look at her. “Show me your moves.”

“Rose, I'm trying to resonate concrete.”

Ianto couldn’t help it. He let out a loud laugh, catching the attention of them both as they turned to look at him.

“Jack'll be back. He'll get us out. So come on. The world doesn't end because the Doctor dances.” She pleaded, her hand still outstretched. At the look she received in response, she turned instead towards Ianto, who’s laughter died up in an instant. “Fine. Ianto?”

Ianto tried to move further against the wall he was leaning on, shaking his head resolutely. “I don’t dance.”

“Oh right. Unless it’s with Captain Jack?” She asked knowingly, walking until she was close enough to pull Ianto up if she wanted to. She laughed at his face. “I guess I can understand. I just didn’t know _that_ was your type.”

“He’s not- I don’t-” He spluttered, trying to find words. As great a friend as he was finding Rose to be, he wanted nothing more than to not be here right now, having this conversation with her.

“Is this about the person you left behind? Back home?” She asked, all jokes aside as she stared imploringly at him. He froze again.

“How did you-?” He asked, trying to remember if he had ever actually mentioned his complicated situation.

“You’re not exactly the most subtle person,” She admitted, fixing him a grin. “And besides- you’re way out of your own time, for God knows how long. I think you can have a few _liberties._ ”

She smirked at him, and Ianto had to roll his eyes to hide his embarrassment.

“Can we drop this?” He asked.

“Only if you dance with me.”

Ianto paused, considering for a moment whether he could swallow his pride enough to show off his bad dance moves to Rose.

“I- it’s best not. Wouldn’t want me breaking your toes when I misstep.” He answered.

She sighed exasperatedly. “How did he get you to dance earlier? Did he offer to lead or something?”

“Didn’t really give me much choice in the matter.” Ianto said dryly. Before he knew it, Rose was pulling him up and into a dancing position, taking his hands. He winced at the sudden movement as it pulled on his tired muscles. Rose shot him a concerned look. “Bit stiff still after earlier.”

“You never did tell me what happened,” Rose pointed out. “He mentioned a barrage balloon?”

“I got stuck hanging off one, in the middle of the London Blitz.” He explained. “Jack happened to find me there and saved me- luckily enough because I don’t reckon I could’ve held on for much longer.”

“Are you okay after that? Besides the stiff muscles, I mean.” Rose asked, beginning to move them slowly to the music.

“Yeah, Jack had these things on his ship. He called them nano-something? Fixed my hands right up.” 

“Nano?” The Doctor suddenly piped up, bringing Rose and Ianto out of their conversation.

Then the room around them shifted, and Ianto immediately recognised the soft yellow glow and futuristic looking technology that belonged to Jack’s ship. 

“Hey,” Jack said from his right, sounding offended at something. “Get your own dance partner, that one’s mine.”

Rose and Ianto broke apart, Ianto fiddling absentmindedly with his suit jacket for want of something to focus on that wasn’t the warm hand which had just been put on his shoulder.

“I tried to find my own one but _somebody_ didn’t want to join me.” Rose grumbled, scathing the Doctor with a frustrated look. Jack smiled knowingly at her. She paused, thinking for a second and then gasped loudly.

“The cat!” She exclaimed. “What happened to-?”

She was cut off by Jack laughing and reaching behind his chair, pulling out the familiar white bundle of fluff. Ianto braced himself for some sort of comment, and wasn’t disappointed. “Don’t worry. I’m not letting go of little Ianto _just_ yet.”

He tutted, fixing Jack a stare as he leered. “That _sodding_ cat.” He grumbled.

“Hey! She’s a cute cat!” Rose insisted. Jack laughed good naturedly as he finished tickling the cat and put her back in his coat.

“Sorry about the delay. I had to take the nav-com offline to override the teleport security.” Jack explained, moving his hand away as he fiddled with something on his control panel.

“You can spend ten minutes overriding your own protocols? Maybe you should remember whose ship it is.” The Doctor suggested, mood sour. Ianto wondered if that was due to the conversation with Rose about ‘dancing’, or the dangerous situation they were trying to sort out.

“Oh, I do. She was gorgeous.” Jack guffawed, turning round as he spoke. “Like I told her, be back in five minutes.”

“This is a Chula ship.”

“Yeah, just like that medical transporter. Only this one _is_ dangerous.”

The Doctor snapped his fingers. Around him, golden dust materialised, flocking around his hand.

“They're what fixed my hands up.” Ianto remembered. “Jack called them nano-somethings?”

“Nanobots? Nanogenes.”

“Nanogenes, yeah.” He nodded, staring once more at them. He noticed Rose doing the same.

“They’re beautiful.” She breathed.

“Sub-atomic robots. There's millions of them in here, see? Burned my hand on the console when we landed. All better now. They activate when the bulk head's sealed. Check you out for damage, fix any physical flaws.” He explained, then shook his hand. The nanogenes dispersed into the ship, disappearing from sight once more. “Take us to the crash site. I need to see your space junk.”

“As soon as I get the nav-com back online.” He promised. “Make yourself comfortable. Carry on with whatever it was you were... doing.” He stopped to look between Ianto and Rose, not hiding the fact that he was checking them both out. His eyes stayed on Ianto before he rethought. “Actually on second thought, a _private_ dance show would be just great.”

“Careful, that’s harassment sir.” Ianto replied, almost biting his tongue as he let the formal title slip out his mouth again. Jack opened his mouth to reply but they were cut off by the Doctor coughing.

“The nav-com.” He instructed, sending a pointed look at Jack’s control panel. He rolled his eyes and turned back to focus on getting the systems up and running once more.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, Rose broke it. “So, you used to be a Time Agent now you're trying to con them?”

“If it makes me sound any better, it's not for the money.”

“What for, then?” Ianto asked, wanting to know the answer.

Jack stopped what he was doing and looked at them. Ianto could recognise the guarded look of pain and anger in his eyes, a small change in his usual blue irises which Ianto had grown to recognise over the months of knowing Jack. When someone was as emotionally guarded as Jack, you had to learn to read their moods through small changes in expressions and Ianto had barely scratched the surface with his present-day Jack. He shook the memories away as Jack continued. “Woke up one day when I was still working for them, found they'd stolen two years of my memories. I'd like them back.”

“They stole your memories?” Rose gasped.

“Two years of my life. No idea what I did. Your friend over there doesn't trust me, and for all I know he's right not to.” He said, looking at the Doctor and then staring back into space with the same look in his eyes.

Ianto didn’t know what to say, or even what to think. Of course he sympathised with Jack- how could he not? Losing two years of your life was an impossible thing to try to comprehend. But somehow he couldn’t stop himself from feeling disappointed. Disappointed in his own Jack, who was so emotionally inept that he couldn’t tell Ianto anything about his past, despite how often Ianto would try to ask him. It was just one more big part of Jack’s life that he wasn’t privy to- _which_ , he told himself, _was okay- because it wasn’t any different to usual._

A mechanical beeping noise brought them out of the quiet moment and Jack sprung to action, flicking more buttons and focusing on the ship again. “Okay, we're good to go. Crash site?”

It didn’t take long for the three of them to reach the site. They purposefully strode down the abandoned train track, looking at the mass of guards and personnel who were manning the area cordoned off by barbed wire. Looking for an entrance into the base, they pulled to a stop behind a large group of sandbags and Ianto could see a clearly marked entrance in front of it.

“There it is.” Jack pointed, indicating this. “Hey, they've got Algy on duty. It must be important.”

“We've got to get past him.”

“Are the words ‘distract the guard’ heading in my general direction?” Rose asked, almost immediately standing straighter and putting on a charming smile. Jack almost snorted.

“I don't think that'd be such a good idea.”

“Don't worry I can handle it.” Rose insisted, acting defensive.

“I've got to know Algy quite well since I've been in town. Trust me, you're not his type. I'll distract him. Just,” He added, reaching into his coat pocket once more and bringing out the cat that they had forgotten all about. “Look after Ianto for me.” He smirked, putting the cat in Rose’s hands and beginning his walk towards the entrance. He turned back around and gestured towards them, laughing at Rose’s open mouth and Ianto’s slight frown. “Don't wait up- or get _too_ jealous.”

Rose, still baffled, looked at the others as she tucked the cat back into her coat. “So, he’s like this with everyone he meets then?”

“Relax, he's a fifty first century guy. He's just a bit more flexible when it comes to _dancing_.” The Doctor said.

“How flexible?”

Ianto didn’t think it would be helpful to provide an in depth analysis on the exact flexibilities of Jack (considering, truth be told, Jack was a lot more flexible than anybody Ianto had met before- in every sense of the word.)

“Well, by his time, you lot have spread out across half the galaxy.”

“Meaning?”

The Doctor grinned. “So many species, so little time.”

“What, that's what we do when we get out there? That's our mission? We seek new life, and… and-” She broke off, not wanting to be crude.

“Dance.”

Rose turned to Ianto, who was still frowning at the retreating Captain. “Well, you’d know all about his ‘dancing’, I suppose.”

Ianto shoved his elbow into her side.

Jack jogged slightly to get to Algy, noticing his perfect army stance and sharp features. He smiled, thinking about a certain few of their previous encounters, which had proved to be quite mutually beneficial. Perhaps there might be time, once all of this business was over, to say a proper goodbye to the army officer before he left earth once more? He smiled at the thought as he reached Algy.

“Hey, tiger. How's it hanging?” He asked, grinning wide.

Algy turned round to him, frowning at him as if he didn’t recognise the face in front of him. Jack saw his head cock in a manner that seemed all too familiar to the ex-Time Agent. Jack felt his blood chill. “Mummy?”

He held out his hand. “Algy, old sport, it's me.”

“Mummy?” He repeated in the same way, and Jack promptly pulled his arm back. This was bad news.

“It's me, Jack.” He tried once more. 

“Jack?” He asked, and for a moment Jack thought not all hope was lost. But by the time his next words were out of his mouth, all of his senses were telling him to run as far away from Algy as possible. “Are you my Mummy?”

Jack watched on, helpless as Algy began to retch. It was a sickening sound, as if the inside of his throat was trying to come up and out of his mouth and Jack was transfixed, in a horrifically morbid way. As Algy collapsed to his knees, something grey and metallic began to force its way out of his open mouth, and before he knew it there was a gas mask beginning to grow from there. Jack’s eyes widened and he stumbled backwards.

“Stay back!” The Doctor shouted from behind him, and Jack heard footsteps as the rest of the group ran up to join him. He was shocked out of his stupor as other Army officials walked forwards at the commotion.

“You men, stay away!” Jack instructed them, holding his hand out to prevent them from getting closer. Rose, Ianto and the Doctor caught up to him and they surveyed the scene in front of them.

“What happened?” Ianto asked.

“I don’t know- he was asking for his Mummy and then he keeled over,” Jack said. “Then… _that_.”

“The effect’s become air-borne; accelerating.” The Doctor observed.

“What's keeping us safe?” Rose questioned, the sound of an air raid siren starting up in the air around them as she spoke.

“Nothing.”

“Ah, here they come again.” Jack moaned as he noticed the siren.

“All we need.” 

“Didn't you say a bomb was going to land here?” Ianto said, trying to keep his voice calm. Jack nodded.

“Never mind about that. If the contaminant’s airborne now, there's hours left.” The Doctor pointed out.

“Until what?”

“Till nothing, forever. For the entire human race.” The Doctor said, staring at Jack. He didn’t pause, continuing to speak. “And can anyone else hear singing?”

Now that he had pointed it out, Ianto could distinctly hear the sound of a female voice singing a tune. Belatedly he recognised it as ‘Rock-a-bye Baby’, though couldn’t pinpoint who was singing it- or _why._

 _“When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,"_ They heard a voice singing.

“Nancy!” Rose exclaimed, looking at the Doctor in recognition. Jack and Ianto shared a look of confusion, but the Doctor beckoned them forwards towards a temporary building. The singing got louder and Ianto supposed this was where this Nancy must be, watching as the Doctor pushed the door open. Nancy’s singing faltered for a second before continuing, at which point Ianto made it through the door and could see what was happening. The girl was attached with a pair of handcuffs to the leg of a table, singing despite the terror showing on her face. It was then that he spotted the figure- a gas-masked man lying asleep against the table. Her singing must have calmed down the infected man- and Ianto didn’t have time to think about what that meant before the Doctor was undoing the locks with his screwdriver and they were racing back out once again.

“Are you okay?” Rose asked the girl.

Nancy nodded. “I’m alright,” She said, noticing the cat that popped its head out of Rose’s jacket. “Still carrying him around?” Rose nodded. “My brother used to love cats. Before-”

Rose gave her a pitying look. It was the Doctor who spoke next. “Is that why you’re here? Because of him?”

Nancy regarded him, then nodded. She looked at the other two men who were with the two adults she had met earlier, a question as to who they were obviously on the tip of her tongue.

“Captain Jack Harkness,” Jack said, holding his hand out. Ianto was surprised to see no trace of added charm in his voice or movement. “And this is-”

“I can introduce myself, thank you.” Ianto interrupted, offering his own hand to the girl. “I believe they said your name is Nancy? I’m Ianto Jones.”

“Pleasure.” She replied, shaking his hand and deciding she liked the look of his warm yet withdrawn face. After she had dropped his hand she took a step back and regarded all four of them. “I know where the bomb landed.”

The Doctor grinned. “Then lead the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! This is Remi posting this chapter as soon as I wake up (lucky you guys for the early upload!!) because I am going away for a week! I will be able to reply to comments still, but may take longer with replies!! And after Sunday's update: Mother Knows Best, we have the very exciting first original episode which Lauren has written, so I look forwards to seeing all of your reactions to that too!!  
> Thanks once again for all the comments and kudos- they really really keep us motivated to write this fic so thank you for continuing to do that!!  
> Find us on Tumblr @thirteeninafez and @garknessandbones


	23. Mother Knows Best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Junior Gets a Forever Home

The Doctor and Jack together tugged the heavy tarpaulin off the top of the crash-landed spaceship, revealing a dirty metallic looking wreck. It didn’t look like much, but from the short amount of time he had spent with the Doctor, Ianto knew that anything unassuming could (and probably _did_ ) hold the power to destroy the whole world. Jack however did not seem to think so.

“You see? Just an ambulance.” He said, reaching round to touch it.

“That's an ambulance?” Nancy asked from the side, shock and confusion evident.

“It's hard to explain. It's…” Rose took a breath. “...from another world.”

“They've been trying to get in.” Jack observed, beginning to fiddle with the controls.

“Of course they have. They think they've got their hands on Hitler's latest secret weapon.” The Doctor watched as Jack continued to press buttons, letting out short noises. “What're you doing?

Ianto frowned, walking closer to the two of them to get a better look at what Jack was doing. “The sooner you see this thing is empty, the sooner you'll know I had nothing to do with it.”

Almost comically, the second the words left his mouth a spark sprung up from the control panel he was touching, shocking the group of them into moving quickly away. Ianto stood up straight in preparation for an attack that may follow as he heard a wailing alarm and saw a blinking red light begin to flash.

“Didn't happen last time.” Jack bristled, only freezing when a mewing noise started emanating from Rose’s coat. “Oh- and it’s scared Ianto. Great.”

“It hadn't crashed last time. There'll be emergency protocols.” The Doctor explained while looking intently at the ship.

“Doctor, what is that?” Rose asked, nerves rising. Suddenly from behind the gates to their cordoned off area there was a loud banging noise, and the metal separating them from the outside began to shake. “Doctor!”

“Captain, secure those gates!” The Doctor instructed.

“Why?” He asked petulantly.

“Just do it!”

“I’ll do it, I’m closer.” Ianto shouted, not waiting for confirmation before he was running off to shut the gates. When he got there he quickly began to pull them together, reaching for the bolt to seal it off from the outside. Before the metal swung together he caught a glimpse of lots of human shaped creatures advancing forwards towards him, each fitted with a tight gas mask and moaning for their Mummy. He shuddered, hearing a thump on the gates he had finished securing as he ran back to the crash site. He had only been gone for five minutes or so but he noticed that their numbers were shorter than when he had left.

“Where’s Rose? Nancy?” He asked, worried.

“Closing the barbed wire the girl cut to get in.” Jack explained, once more looking at the abandoned ambulance while it continued to let out the wailing alarm. Ianto decided not to disturb him and the Doctor, who were both still trying to figure out how to get into the ship. A few minutes later, with a final grunt Jack wrenched back the door and they looked inside to see-

“Nothing.” Ianto said.

“It's empty. Look at it.” Jack pointed out.

“What do you expect in a Chula medical transporter? Bandages? Cough drops? Ianto?” The Doctor questioned, staring at the Welshman’s hands.

“I don't know.” Ianto looked between the Doctor and his hands, feeling the familiar tug of something just beyond his grasp. 

“Yes, you do.” The Doctor insisted as he held up his own hand, barely batting an eye as Rose and Nancy returned to their side.

“Oh- Nanogenes!” Ianto exclaimed, suddenly remembering.

“It wasn't empty, Captain. There was enough nanogenes in there to rebuild a species.”

“Oh, God.” Jack said, suddenly realising the severity of his actions.

“Getting it now, are we?” The Doctor said sarcastically, his anger bubbling to the surface again. “When the ship crashes, the nanogenes escape. Billions upon billions of them, ready to fix all the cuts and bruises in the whole world. But what they find first is a dead child, probably killed earlier that night, and wearing a gasmask.”

“And they brought him back to life? They can do that?” Rose said, looking shocked.

“What's life? Life's easy. A quirk of matter. Nature's way of keeping meat fresh. Nothing to a nanogene. One problem, though. These nanogenes, they're not like the ones on your ship. This lot have never seen a human being before. Don't know what a human being's supposed to look like. All they've got to go on is one little body, and there's not a lot left. But they carry right on. They do what they're programmed to do. They patch it up. Can't tell what's gasmask and what's skull, but they do their best. Then off they fly, off they go, work to be done. Because, you see, now they think they know what people should look like, and it's time to fix all the rest. And they won't ever stop. They won't ever, ever stop. The entire human race is going to be torn down and rebuilt in the form of one terrified child looking for its mother, and nothing in the world can stop it!”

Ianto reeled both at the implications the words brought onto the world and at the Doctor’s tone. His voice had been steadily rising as he spoke. “Oh God.”

“I didn't know.” Jack insisted.

An awkward silence fitted over the group of them. If Ianto didn’t know better he would’ve said the glistening in the Doctor’s eyes looked like tears. He didn’t know quite what to think about the matter- obviously, Jack hadn’t purposefully released the deadly nanogenes onto the streets of London with the intent of wiping out the human race, but he wasn’t exactly innocent either. The only thing he was certain of was that Jack didn’t die here. No matter how dire the consequences, he knew that at least Jack would live past this moment and become immortal, living on Earth for hundreds of years before meeting him in the early 21st century.

Whilst he had been thinking, the Doctor had restarted his inspection of the ship. Jack was standing, still reeling, off to the side of it and staring into space, while Nancy… Ianto’s eyes widened. He could see the young girl staring off into the distance, and following her gaze he spotted-

_“Mummy. Mummy!”_

“Rose!” Nancy shouted, panic evident in her voice.

Rose raced up to join her, staring at the throng of advancing figures. Once she had seen for certain what it was, she ran back to where the Doctor and Ianto were standing.

“Gas masks?” Ianto asked her. She nodded and looked at the Doctor.

“It's bringing the gas mask people here, isn't it?” She looked between the people advancing on them and the noisy warning the ship was giving out.

“The ship thinks it's under attack. It's calling up the troops. Standard protocol.”

“But the gas mask people aren't troops.” Ianto pointed out.

“They are now. This is a battlefield ambulance. The nanogenes don't just fix you up, they get you ready for the front line. Equip you, programme you.”

“That's why the child's so strong. Why it could do that phoning thing.” Rose realised.

“It's a fully equipped Chula warrior, yes. All that weapons tech in the hands of a hysterical four year old looking for his Mummy.” The Doctor turned to gaze at the group of gas-masked zombies. “And now there's an army of them.”

The non-humans had walked close to the barbed wire, stopping short of their prey and waiting. Only the noises of them belatedly moaning for their Mummy could be heard. Ianto moved around on the spot in a circle, observing the tight ring they had created around the area. There was no way to escape.

“Why don't they attack?” Jack said, finally finding his voice again. 

The Doctor looked at them. ”Good little soldiers, waiting for their commander.”

“The child?”

“Jamie.” Nancy corrected, shooting a pained look at Jack.

“What?” He frowned.

“Not the child. Jamie.” She repeated with tears in her eyes. Ianto wondered exactly _who_ this Jamie was, looking over at Rose who seemed to share the feelings of grief. His questioning look must have been enough to convey his confusion because she mouthed back the words _‘Brother’_ to him. Ah.

“So how long until the bomb falls?” Ianto asked, trying to bring attention back to the fact that they would be blasted into smithereens at some point if they didn’t find a way to escape.

Jack looked up at him. “Any second.”

“What's the matter, Captain?” The Doctor advanced past Jack. “A bit close to the volcano for you?”

“He's just a little boy.” Nancy begged.

“I know.”

“He's just a little boy who wants his Mummy.”

“I know. There isn't a little boy born who wouldn't tear the world apart to save his Mummy.” He said, standing next to Nancy as he put a comforting hand on her arm. “And this little boy can.”

“So what're we going to do?” Rose shouted. Ianto appreciated her panic and worry, as he too was all too nervous of getting all of them out alive. Especially Jack- as if he died at this point in time there would _certainly_ be a gigantic paradox that would all but erase Ianto from existence.

“I don't know.” The Doctor admitted, and Ianto let out a long sigh. The group stayed in silence, every one of them trying frantically to think of some way to survive this.

“It's my fault.” Nancy choked, her eyes definitely swimming with unshed tears.

“Don’t say that.” Ianto comforted.

“It is. It's all my fault.” She said as she let out a quiet sob.

“How can it be your-” The Doctor started to ask, but was cut off by the sudden noise of multiple cries from the gas masked humans.

“Mummy.” “Mummy.” “Mummy.” They repeated, overlapping and staring at them. No- not at _them,_ Ianto realised, but at one person in particular...

“Nancy, what age are you?” The Doctor asked calmly, looking into the girl’s eyes. “Twenty? Twenty one? Older than you look, yes?”

With a loud noise a bomb landed, barely twenty feet away from where they were standing. Ianto bristled.

“Doctor, that bomb. We've got seconds.” Jack quickly spoke, lifting his head as another one dropped even closer nearby.

“You can teleport us out.” Rose said hopefully. Her hope was dashed when she saw Jack shake his head ruefully.

“Not you guys. The nav-com's back online. Going to take too long to override the protocols.”

“So it's volcano day. Do what you've got to do.” The Doctor said bluntly, his focus turning from Nancy to the ex-Time Agent.

“Jack?” Ianto asked, staring into the Captain’s eyes and only seeing a deep regret settled there. He wouldn’t- he wasn’t going to-

Jack disappeared.

Ianto took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. He ought to be happy that Jack was getting out safe and keeping the universal timeline intact. And anyway- it wasn’t like this was the first time Jack had abandoned him. 

“How old were you five years ago?” The Doctor asked, oblivious to the way Ianto was shaking like a leaf. He continued on as if Jack hadn’t just left. “Fifteen? Sixteen? Old enough to give birth, anyway. He's not your brother, is he?”

The pieces finally all clicked together in Ianto’s mind, bringing him out of his momentary depression and back to present. They had a species to save first.

“A teenage single mother in 1941.” The Doctor said as Nancy scrunched up her face, the tears running freely down her face now. “So you hid. You lied. You even lied to him.”

From their right the gate that Ianto had closed suddenly banged open, revealing a group of gas masked humans with the little boy from the hospital earlier standing front and center.

“Are you my Mummy?” He asked, and even through the gas mask it was obvious there was only one person he was staring at. Their heads whipped around to face the boy.

“He's going to keep asking, Nancy. He's never going to stop.”

“Mummy?”

“Tell him.” The Doctor softly instructed. The creatures began to advance, walking towards them slowly. “Nancy, the future of the human race is in your hands. Trust me and tell him.”

Nancy looked upwards, wiping her eyes as she nodded gently. She knew what she had to do. Very slowly and carefully she began to make her way towards the boy- Jamie- who was still advancing. The others on both sides held back, Ianto with his breath bated.

“Are you my Mummy?” It continued to repeat as they got closer, close enough that she could reach out and touch him. 

“Yes,” Her voice wobbled so she spoke up, trying to sound more confident than she felt. “Yes, I _am_ your Mummy.”

“Mummy?”

“I'm here.” She cried.

“Are you my Mummy?”

Nancy bent down so that she was at the same level as Jamie. “I'm here.”

“Are you my Mummy?”

“Yes!” Nancy whispered, trying to convince him. The boy seemed lifeless still, as if all recognition of the human in front of him was gone. “Are you my Mummy?”

“He doesn't understand. There's not enough of him left.” The Doctor muttered, worry showing on his face. Ianto ran a hand through his hair.

“I am your Mummy. I will always be your Mummy. I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry.” Nancy said, emotion surging through her words as she pulled her son close to her into a tight embrace. As his arms finally locked onto her back, the other three watched in wonder as the air around them began to burn golden bright.

“What's happening?” Rose asked, awed yet still worried for the safety of Nancy. She knew what happened when people got too close to the infected. “Doctor, it's changing her, we should-”

“Shush!” The Doctor silenced her. “Come on, please. Come on, you clever little nanogenes. Figure it out! The mother, she's the mother. It's got to be enough information. Figure it out.” He begged.

“What's happening?”

“See?” The Doctor all at once pointed towards the two again, his other arm moving to hold onto Rose. “Recognising the same DNA.”

The glow disappeared and almost immediately Jamie let go of Nancy. She fell to the floor, beyond being able to hold herself up and the three of them raced to reach the two.

“Oh, come on. Give me a day like this. Give me this one.” The Doctor begged once more, looking at Jamie. His eyes moved to the seams of the gas mask- which _weren’t_ magically connected to the boy’s face, and in hopeful movement carefully pulled it off his face. It revealed a small boy who looked at the group, a grin beginning to spread over his face.

It was infectious. Suddenly all of them were beaming wide, laughing in joy as Jamie was once again fully human.

“Ha-ha!” The Doctor cried out as he uncharacteristically lifted Jamie up in the air. “Welcome back! Twenty years till pop music- you're going to love it.”

“What happened?” Nancy cried out in absolute wonder while the Doctor continued to hug the boy.

“The nanogenes recognised the superior information, the parent DNA. They didn't change you because you changed them! Ha-ha!” He shouted, looking happier than Ianto had ever seen him. He put the boy down so that he could return to his Mummy, pressing a hand into Nancy’s shoulder. “Mother knows best!”

“Oh, Jamie.” She sobbed, happy tears this time returning to her face. A noise from the sky drew Ianto’s attention amongst the joy of the scene in front of them and he remembered the danger they were still all in.

“Doctor, that bomb.”

“Taken care of it.” He grinned.

“How?”

“Psychology.” He answered mystically, spreading his arms wide. As the telltale whistle of a bomb suddenly grew louder and louder, Ianto braced for the end, the panic in him refusing to die out until-

It was caught in midair by an all too familiar ray of blue light. The spaceship above it belonged to none other than the man currently straddling the German bomb. Captain Jack Harkness. Only then did Ianto truly allow himself to smile, unable to contain his glee that Jack _hadn’t_ given up on them after all.

“Doctor!” He shouted from above them.

“Good lad!”

“The bomb's already commenced detonation. I've put it in stasis but it won't last long.” He quickly explained.

“Change of plan. Don't need the bomb. Can you get rid of it, safely as you can?”

Jack nodded then turned his attention to look at Ianto. “Ianto?”

“Yeah?” He called back, heart thumping in his throat by this point.

“Goodbye.” He said, then promptly disappeared. Ianto watched the space where he had just been, emotions a mess. Before he could begin to think about what he meant, there was another flash and he was back.

“By the way, _love_ the suit!” He grinned, sending a wink before blinking out of the sky for the last time. For one moment Ianto was back in his own world, walking away from an unconscious pterodactyl and a bruised Captain Jack Harkness, the latter speaking to him as he stalked away from the hanger they were in… 

And then back in the present the spaceship roared, turning around in the sky and flying off. Ianto let out a wistful sigh and then watched as the Doctor stepped forwards, holding his hands out for a group of materializing nanogenes.

“What are you doing?” Rose asked.

“Software patch. Going to email the upgrade. You want moves, Rose? I'll give you moves.”

As they watched on he thrust his hands towards the group of immobile humans, the nanogenes following his movement and attaching themselves to the crowd in front.

“Everybody lives, Rose. Just this once, everybody lives!” He shouted. They watched on in amazement as person after person took gas masks off their face, standing up on shaky legs as they got their senses back. Unable to help themselves, they raced forwards to greet and help the group.

“Doctor Constantine, who never left his patients,” The Doctor greeted with a hand helping him up. “Back on your feet, constant doctor. The world doesn't want to get by without you just yet, and I don't blame it one bit. These are your patients. All better now.” He indicated the group of people moving around them.

“Yes, yes, so it seems. They also seem to be standing around in a disused railway station. Is there any particular reason for that?” He asked, looking as confused as Ianto thought it was possible for a man to look. He laughed from the side quietly as he reached down to help an old woman to her feet, clapping her on the back as she hurried to embrace a small boy who was standing next to her. Ianto felt his heart begin to melt.

“Yeah, well, you know, cutbacks. Listen, whatever was wrong with them in the past, you're probably going to find that they're cured. Just tell them what a great doctor you are. Don't make a big thing of it. Okay?” He flashed him a grin before stepping away, leaving the crowd to talk and congratulate him. Ianto looked at Rose and uncharacteristically allowed himself to giggle with her as a woman began thanking him for regrowing her lost leg. 

“Right, you lot!” The Doctor shouted from back near the alien ship. Rose and Ianto hurried to catch up to him. “Lots to do. Beat the Germans, save the world. Don't forget the welfare state!”

He flicked his sonic screwdriver on and pointed it towards the ship. “What are you doing?” Ianto asked him.

“Setting this to self-destruct, soon as everybody's clear. History says there was an explosion here. Who am I to argue with history?”

“Usually the first in line!” Rose joked, sharing a smile with him. A sudden bang from the ship sounded and a set of meowing began once more from Rose’s jumper. She laughed in surprise and brought the bundle of fluff out, holding it in her hands away from her chest.

“Spike!” Jamie shouted, leaving Nancy’s side to run to Rose and grab the cat. She stared in astonishment as he pulled the cat tight against his chest, the white cat nuzzling into his neck and purring in delight.

“Spike?” Rose repeated.

“She’s mine, from the streets.” He mumbled into the soft fur and then looked at Rose. “You kept her safe for me!”

“Well, I-” Rose didn’t have time to finish before Jamie was catching her lower body in a death tight embrace.

“Told ya he liked cats.” Nancy said from behind Rose, walking round to pull him off the girl.

“Can we keep him? Please?” He begged, holding the white fluff out towards Nancy.

“Oh, I reckon so.” She smiled, reaching out to stroke its head. Ianto fondly watched the domestic sight of Nancy and her son fawning over the cat together. It seemed like everything was going to work out just about right.

“So you know him then?” 

It was an hour later, and around fifteen minutes after they had returned to the Tardis. Rose had gone off in search of a well earned cup of tea, leaving the Doctor and Ianto alone in the main part of the ship.

“Jack?” Ianto asked, and the Doctor nodded in response. He dithered for a moment, before deciding it was best not to hide what the Doctor had already worked out. “Yes. I mean, kind of. I know him in the future, long in the future, after you know him.”

“But he, at this moment in his timeline, doesn’t know you. Not yet.”

“No.”

“And did he recognise you? When you met him, your past, his future.” The Doctor's gaze was intense, and left room for nothing but the absolute truth.

“No. No, I don’t think so.” Ianto was reeling as his mind, now given the time to sort through the events of the day, began to race. Had Jack recognised him when he joined Torchwood Three? Was that why he gave him a job? Was that why he didn't want to give him a job? He couldn’t believe that Jack would have kept that big a secret from him. He kept a lot of secrets, but at least alluded to them when with Ianto- and this one was about him. Besides, Jack had always told him more than he told the rest of the team, like the secret of Flat Holm. Jack told him those things because he trusted him. But maybe he only trusted him because he had known Ianto before? Maybe he only told him those secrets because Ianto had told Jack he'd told Ianto them in the future, so Jack had to tell Ianto when the time came like some self fulfilling prophecy. And if Jack, his Jack, had known him before, it would explain why Jack was so sure he could get Ianto into bed, if he’d managed it in the past. But future Jack would only have slept with him in the past if Ianto slept with this past Jack in the future. Ianto groaned. All these thoughts of past and future Jacks knowing or not knowing things were making his head hurt. Images of the two Jacks together, with him, rose unbidden to the front of his thoughts but he stamped them down quickly before the Doctor could notice his blush.

The Doctor held his gaze for a few moments longer, until Ianto started to squirm at the intensity and then turned away, clapping his hands. “Well, we can’t exactly leave him to explode with that bomb if you’re aware of his existence in the future. Could create a paradox that. Not a big fan of those, I’m not.”

Ianto smiled and turned his head to the side. “I was going to say, at some point…”

“Well- let’s get to it!” The Doctor said, pulling a lever down on the Tardis as it sprung into motion once more.

“Okay, computer, how long can we keep the bomb in stasis?”

Jack, back in his spaceship and flying it as far into the deserted cosmos as he could, was once more alone.

“Stasis decaying at ninety percent cycle. Detonation in three minutes.” The monotonous voice replied to him, and he tried not to cry out at its words.

“Can we jettison it?”

“Any attempt to jettison the device will precipitate detonation. One hundred percent probability.”

“We could stick it in an escape pod?” He hoped.

“There is no escape pod on board.”

He nodded. “I see the flaw in that. I'll get in the escape pod.”

“There is no escape pod on board.”

He paused. Was this really going to be it? A whole thirty-eight years of life and this is how it was going to end? “Did you check everywhere?”

“Affirmative.”

 _“Under the sink?”_ He growled out, letting his frustration get the better of him.

“Affirmative.”

He sighed and took a moment to get himself back under control. “Okay. Out of one hundred, exactly how dead am I?”

“Termination of Captain Jack Harkness in under two minutes. One hundred percent probability.”

“Lovely. Thanks. Good to know the numbers.”

“You're welcome.” The computer replied, either missing Jack’s sarcasm entirely or trying to be even more sarcastic in response.

“Okay then,” He said, resigning himself to his fate. “Think we'd better initiate emergency protocol four one seven.”

“Affirmative.”

From the end of the ship a martini suddenly appeared, olive spiked inside. He smiled ruefully, reaching over to pick it up and taking a sip, leaning back in his chair.

”Oo, a little too much vermouth. See if I come here again.” He chuckled. “Funny thing. Last time I was sentenced to death, I ordered four hyper-vodkas for my breakfast. All a bit of a blur after that. Woke up in bed with both my executioners. Mmm, lovely couple. They stayed in touch. Can't say that about most executioners. Anyway.” He paused, raising his glass up in a gesture of thanks despite the ship not being able to understand his action. “Thanks for everything, computer. It's been great.”

He lay back, calmly sipping his drink as he resigned himself to his fate. But after barely ten seconds of silence some sort of music began to play- which he immediately recognised as Moonlight Serenade. He frowned and looked in the direction it was coming from.

Rose stood there, a familiar set of leather jacketed arms wrapped around her as she danced in some sort of futuristic looking room. He frowned in confusion, seeing open doors but knowing the rest of his ship didn’t extend as far as the room was shaped.

“Well, hurry up then!” She called. Wasting no time Jack ran forwards, stepping through the open doors and into what he now realised was another spaceship. He took a second to look around in awe, noting the yellow-gold glow of the ship and the futuristic interior design. His attention was caught by the pair dancing in the middle of the room.

“Okay. And right and turn.” Rose instructed, and sighed. She pulled away from her dance partner as he managed to twist her arm almost painfully in the spin. “Okay, okay, try and spin me again, but this time don't get my arm up my back. No extra points for a half-nelson.”

“I'm sure I used to know this stuff,” He muttered, then turned to Jack. “Close the door, will you? Your ship's about to blow up. There's going to be a draught.”

Dutifully he did as told, turning back around as the Doctor started up the Tardis. “Welcome to the Tardis.” He said proudly.

“Much bigger on the inside.” Jack said in awe.

“You'd better be.”

“They all say that,” Rose grinned. “That the Tardis is bigger on the inside.”

“Except Ianto,” The Doctor muttered bitterly. “He seemed to know all about the ship before he walked on.”

“Talking of Ianto, where is he?”

“The cat or the human?” Rose asked. “Because we had to leave the cat behind. Turns out her name was Spike, and now belongs to Jamie.”

Jack pouted. “Aw, but what will I do with no Ianto to stroke anymore?”

“I dare not say,” A voice from very close to Jack spoke, and he whipped around. There was the Welshman himself, smiling indulgently as he held out a stripy blue mug full of something dark and warm. “Coffee?”

Jack took the offered cup, bringing it up to his mouth and taking a sip. Industrial brew; black with just enough sugar to sweeten the taste to his liking. “How did you know my preference?”

Ianto smirked and took a gulp from his own black coffee. “Now that would be telling, sir.”

Jack grinned wolfishly back at him. “While I can’t say your coffee isn’t delicious, there’s something of yours which I would much rather have in my mouth…”

“Rose! I've just remembered!” A Northern accent shouted loudly as the music in the room changed from a waltz number to a swing style, dragging the two other men’s attentions away from each other.

“What?” Rose replied.

“I can dance! I can dance!” He gleefully said, his arms swinging in time with the music as he clicked along with his fingers, making his way towards her.

“Actually, Doctor, I thought Jack might like this dance.”

“I'm sure he would, Rose. I'm absolutely certain. But who with?” He replied, his gaze falling on Ianto from where he stood. He received a moody glare in response, and Rose sniggered.

“You only have the one album on your ship, then?” He asked. “Nothing but Glenn Miller?”

“Oh, stop your moaning and come dance with me.” Jack told him, grabbing his arm and pulling him next to where Rose and the Doctor had begun to dance. Despite his protests he successfully managed to get Ianto to start moving.

The two pairs stepped happily in time with the music, enjoying their long deserved moment of undisturbed happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lauren here bc Remi is on holiday!  
> And that's the end of the regular doctor who episodes for a while! We hope you all enjoyed it but now we get to go off script :D the next few weeks are some original chapters set between The Doctor Dances and Boom Town to show how Jack settles into the Tardis team  
> Thank you all for your comments and kudos! We'll be back on Wednesday with my chapter: Tardis Information System  
> Check us out on Tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	24. Tardis Information System

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Title: Ianto Isn't, and Doesn't, and Shouldn't  
> (By the way this chapter has a bit of gore, just a couple paragraphs, and it's kinda graphic but no worse than Torchwood)

They had been in the time vortex for a total of two earth days, if Ianto’s pocket watch was still working properly. He actually had no way to tell if it was or not; so far he’d found only one clock on the tardis and it wasn't in any time measurement he’d even recognised, let alone understood or could translate into earth time. So he meticulously wound his pocket watch, never letting it run down, and every once in a while he checked to see what time it was back home, wondering what the team was doing. It had been three months, two weeks, three days, and six hours since he had slipped through the rift and into this new, somehow even stranger life of his, and three weeks, four days, and nine hours since Captain Jack Harkness had joined the rag tag group. 

Rose had noticed him doing this halfway through their first day, as they sat together and watched Jack and the Doctor crash around under the grating, just their feet poking out as they worked on repairs and the sound of them bickering drifting up into the console room. 

“Boys and their toys.” Rose teased, glancing at Ianto. Only to see her partner in crime also fiddling around with his own toy. 

He hummed absentmindedly, counting under his breath as he wound up his watch.

“What’s that?” Rose inquired, resting her head on his shoulder to watch his precise movements. He’d gotten used to her familiar contact, even if the Doctor was the one usually on the end of her hand holding and hugging. It was strange, after living a rather touch-less life, only brief years of respite in the forms of Lisa and then Jack. He supposed this was just another one of those phases, this era of hugs and high fives, one that would end if, when, he eventually went home. He tilted the watch so that she could see its face without the glare on the glass.

“Pocket watch. Family heirloom.” The lie slipped off his tongue with practiced ease after years of telling it, so many years that he almost believed it. 

It was, in fact, a charity shop buy, from back in the days before Torchwood One, as he tried to rebuild himself into something more than a teenage hoodlum. Cheap metal, broken, with an inscription he pretended was meaningful etched under the lid. It had just been sitting there in a basket, surrounded by knitting needles and spools of thread. He had been looking for some new mugs (although all of the ones in the shop were too chipped or gaudy for his taste) when he saw it. He’d just bought a suit for his new job and what better thing to put in the welt pocket of his waistcoat than a pocket watch. After a spare weekend and some tinkering, it worked perfectly. It had been replaced, briefly, by a just as battered stopwatch, also from a charity shop, but that stopwatch was still, Ianto presumed, in Jack’s bedside table drawer, waiting for another few things to be done with it.

Rose still seemed curious, so he cleared his throat and continued. “Been keeping it wound.”

“You’re keeping track of how long you’ve been here?”

“You’re not?” Ianto looked at her like she was crazy. “How will you know when you turn twenty?”

Rose shrugged. “Didn’t think about it I suppose. But I reckon the Doctor could tell me. He’s a _T_ _ ime Lord _ after all,” Rose teased, “should be able to keep track of a few dates.”

Ianto raised a dry eyebrow. He would trust that man with his life, and had, multiple times by this point, but the human concept of aging and birthdays sounded exactly like the kind of thing that would slip his mind.

“Besides, I’d only been travelling with him…” She hummed as she did the calculations. “Maybe… twelve days? Before we ran into you.”

Both of Ianto’s eyebrows raised this time. “Really?” 

She nodded. “So I’ll just add twelve days onto however long you’ve been here, and I’ll know.” She grinned at him like it was the easiest thing in the world. 

Ianto did the maths quickly in his head. “Which means you’ll be twenty in seven days.”

Rose’s eyes widened. “Blimey. I’m suddenly very glad you’re keeping count.”

“One week until you’re old like the rest of us.”

Their musings were interrupted by a loud thud.

“OW! That was my head you just whacked with a wrench!” 

“Whoops.” The Doctor didn’t sound one bit apologetic.

“Accidents happen I guess.” Jack grumbled

“Who said it was an accident?”

Their legs scrabbled, Jack’s moving to kick at the Doctor’s shins while the Doctor tried to move his away. Then there was a resounding thunk of hard metal against a body, followed by the Doctor’s disgruntled yelp, and Ianto sighed and pocketed his watch.

“One of them is going to get a concussion from this.”

“Should we give ‘em a hand?” Rose and Ianto looked at each other for a second, before both leaning back with a joint ‘nah’ and returning to their watching.

There was only so much watching and teasing a man could do, however, before growing bored, bored enough to even miss signing reports, so after a day of hunting for something to do in the warren of corridors (that wasn't swimming– why did the Tardis keep taking him to the pool?), a simple, unassuming door appeared after a final right turn, and creaked open slightly. Ianto looked at it curiously and it opened more, silent now it had his attention. Ianto walked inside and was met by an empty room, asides from an old computer with a chair in front of it. The dim lights and bare walls reminded him inexplicably of the archive, despite this room being a lot warmer, with no dank smell and deep chill setting into his bones. The cluttered sprawl of pre-digital era filing cabinets was also missing. At least the chair looked more comfortable. The computer blinked to life as he sat down.

**TARDIS Information System**

Below the words was a flashing cursor awaiting Ianto’s command. His fingers trailed across the keyboard. There was no mouse, just a dial embedded into the desk. The small arrow was pointing towards ‘computer’. Out of pure curiosity he twisted it past a few options until it landed on ‘filing cabinet’. The computer morphed rapidly, settling on a form for a split second as the dial passed the other settings before finally settling as a single one drawer filing cabinet, devoid of any label. The keyboard had disappeared, giving way to a smooth leather writing surface. A wooden box sat next to it on the desk. It reminded Ianto of the box his mother had kept by the telephone when he was a child, full of neatly written, well alphabetised contact cards. He flicked up the lid to find a stack of notecards, just the right size to be used as filing cabinet labels. 

They were sorted meticulously, larger cards dividing them into sections, seemingly by galaxy. They all looked old, older than him, but were in perfect condition, no dog ears or water damage, just a slight yellowing. They must not be used often. He picked on at random from around the middle. It was neatly printed with a few lines of typewriting, ink still as black and clear as if it was freshly pulled off the typewriter.

**Mutter’s Spiral - 3rd Quadrant**

**Species - Sentient**

**K-N**

Ianto slipped it into the empty slot on the filing cabinet and was met by the sound of soft whirring before the drawer popped open. He pulled it all the way out, barely even surprised when it came out far further than it logically should’ve done. A month on the ship and he’d gotten used to the way half the things were bigger on the inside. Made it a pain to find anything in the kitchen cupboards when you could reasonably hide inside even the smallest of them. 

Thick files were crammed in against each other, some as wide as his hand. Papers and photos poked up from each one, giving a glimpse of the information hidden inside. It was an archivist’s wet dream. Well, not quite this archivist’s wet dream; that usually involved a lot less clothes and a lot more Jack. 

Ianto shook those particular thoughts from his head, focussing back on the files. Most of them were so wide that the edges of the files didn’t even cover the papers inside. Ianto reached for one of those. It had to be wrenched from where they had been so closely stuffed together. But with two hands and a grunt of effort the file came free, loose leafs of paper fluttering down from where they’d spilled out. It was so different to the scarce folders he kept at the archives in Torchwood, most only a few pages long despite his best efforts to pad them out with every little scrap of information and conjecture he could. These folders were treasure troves to him. He could happily spend every second that wasn’t spent running from aliens with his head buried in these files (and if it meant that he didn’t have to awkwardly avoid Jack’s flirting, who could blame him). 

And so that was where he spent the rest of his night, pulling out file after file, consuming every scrap of information inside. He memorized the sketches and blurry photos, identifying features, cultural holidays, weaknesses and strengths, historical events from weddings to wars. The details were filed away into the archives inside his head, just in case, randomly, at some point in whatever strange adventure his life had turned into, it would be useful for him to know the astrology based courting habits of royal Maarcheens. 

He kept reading even as his eyelids started drooping, his head jerking up every time it started to loll. Soon though, not even his fascination with the various species on the planet Kinda could keep him awake. A strange tinkling rang in his ears, much like how he imagined the sound of the wind chimes the Kinda had built in their forests. His last thought in his head before he fell asleep was how pretty it sounded.

Ianto woke up in a large span of darkness. Even though he couldn’t see it, there was a cold emptiness that Ianto knew meant there was no end to the darkness anywhere nearby.

“Hello?” His voice didn’t echo, he wasn’t even sure how far it travelled. The darkness seemed to eat it up as soon as it left his mouth. He wasn’t tied up, and despite the overwhelming evidence that something was wrong, he couldn’t help but feel that there was no danger here. He spun round, trying to pick something out of the darkness. He would be worried he had gone blind if it weren’t for the fact he could see his hand when he waved it in front of his face. There was nothing in any direction, so he picked a way that felt right, and started to walk. And walk. And walk.

And walk.

And then he blinked. And there was a large metal structure in front of him, right in front of him, so close that if he had blinked a second later he would’ve walked slap bang into it. Or maybe through it. The laws of physics didn’t seem to work quite like they should in this realm. Ianto couldn’t remember if he’d been walking for seconds or hours. His feet didn’t hurt, but his mouth was dry and his lungs burnt from overuse. Maybe he hadn’t even blinked, it was so dark, if he didn’t look at his hands he wouldn’t know if his eyes were open or shut. At least this massive tower fixed that problem. It wavered slightly as he stared at it, like a mirage. The longer he stared, the more familiar it seemed, and then it shimmered again and it clicked suddenly into his head. It was the water tower, the part that ran up through the Hub. But there was no rush of water cascading down it, just the steady beating rush of blood pumping in his ears. And voices. Two of them drifted over from round the side of the tower. He looked through the beams but there was no one there, so he walked over, following the soft sound.

And there they were. 

Their words became clear as soon as Ianto lay eyes on them.

“Well that’s not going to fix it.”

“Neither is that.”

Two men, wearing old fashioned white clown suits that glowed in the dark, black pom poms replacing the buttons like fluffy black holes. They rocked back and forth like bobble heads as they whacked each other on the head in a steady rhythm. It took a second for Ianto to realise what they were using, one a mallet, the other a large wrench. They looked just like normal tools, all metal and wood, but each hit collided with a bounce and a squeak, like dog toys.

“Stop it, Anatta.”

“You started it, Anicca.” 

Their childish squabble continued with no regard to their new audience. Ianto stepped closer, yet still no recognition of his presence. He cleared his throat. “Hello? Excuse me?”

One of them, Anicca, turned his head unnaturally quickly, and with a quick bonk to his companions head, spoke. “You, my dear, cannot possibly exist, so go away.” Then he turned back round, just in time for the returning whack from the wrench. 

Ianto frowned and walked closer, careful to stay out of the range of the tools. “Look, where am I?” 

“Did you see?”

“Why, did you?”

“I asked first.”

“So you did see.”

“It proves nothing. Because an illusion is shared doesn't mean–”

“Of course not.”

“Besides, how do I know that what you think you see–”

“Is what you think you see?”

“Or vice”

“Versa.”

“Exactly.”

Ianto spun when he hears a laugh behind him, but no one was there. When he turned back to the pair of clowns, they were further away, and rapidly moving. But they weren’t walking; in fact they’d both sat down, legs crossed. And the whacks were no longer squeaking, but sickening crunches of metal against skull. Blood dripped from their wounds, one of their heads lolling like their neck had been broken. The other’s was caved in, brain spilling out. The colour of the blood was muted, dark red running down their hands and arms as they continued to beat each other to pulp, talking all the while. It was thick enough even, to cover the snakes tattooed on their right arms.

“I can only conclude it is you who have invented her as a means of putting me off. I won’t admit you’re right.” And with a resounding whack from Anicca (or was it Anatta? Ianto had lost track), they disappeared into a speck of light. Then nothing. Again. Not even the tower. 

Then an ear piercing screech that fills Ianto with so much terror he turns and sprints as fast and as far as he can go to get away from the horrific noise. He barely notices the way it turns from a scream behind him to laugh coming from in front of him and then he blinks and

Whack.

Ianto fell back, looking up at the laughing man in front of him. He was dressed head to toe in a pure white suit, even his skin and hair had been sapped of any colour, except his red rimmed eyes. 

Ianto stood up, regarding the new man warily. After all, the last two people he’d encountered had beaten each other to death. “I suppose you're going to tell me I don't exist too?” He brushed off his suit, smoothing down the lapels. That was odd, he hadn’t been wearing a jacket, or a waistcoat and tie, when he had fallen asleep. The man hadn’t done anything but stop laughing and stare at Ianto. “Didn’t your mother tell you it was rude to stare?”

The man smiled too wide and too bright and just slightly off the realm of reality. “Don't be silly. Of course you exist. How could you be here if you didn't exist?”

“Well, where’s here?” 

“Guess.” The smile just got bigger.

Ianto rolled his eyes. He’d thought Tweedle-Dum and Tweedle-Dumber were childish but guessing games were next level. “You want me to guess?”

“Go on.” The man tilted his head to the side slightly.

“It looks to me like the middle of nowhere.” Ianto’s words were biting, but the man just laughed.

“What's so funny?

“I'll tell you.” The man stepped forward with a smirk and in any other situation Ianto would’ve thought he was coming on to him but this situation was too weird and wrong for him to even go there. Then the man rolled up his sleeves and Ianto saw that same tattooed snake on his forearm, just like the clowns.

“What’s that tattoo?” Ianto gestured to it with his head. “The clowns had it too.”

The man just hummed, smirk never leaving his lips. “They would.”

“Why?”

The man reached out to touch Ianto’s face with the same arm that was covered with a snake. When Ianto looked at it, he could’ve sworn it’s tail had moved, curling in the other direction. “Because we're the same.”

Ianto moved away from the touch. “You’re all a bunch of fucking nutters.” With that he turned, trying not to let the fear bubbling in his throat show. And he started to walk. And walk. And walk.

And walk.

And then he blinked. And there was the laughing man, right in front of him once again. “My name’s Dukkha.” This time he extended his hand to shake. Ianto didn’t take it. He swore the snake was even closer to his wrist now.

“This is a dream isn’t it? I’m just dreaming all this.”

“Possibly.” Dukkha’s eyes sparkled with amusement, the smile still playing on his lips.

“Well if it’s my dream, I can get rid of you.” Ianto closes his eyes until the imprint of the glowing smile is gone from his retinas, until all that there is is darkness. He keeps them closed until the ghost of the other man’s breath can no longer be felt against his cheek, and the only sound is no longer a laugh but once again the rush of blood in his ears. He keeps them closed until he's no longer sure if they are closed or not, too scared to raise his hand to check. He keeps them closed until he’s alone, then keeps them closed even longer. Then he opens them and jumps. The smile was even closer than it was before, a dazzling beam encroaching on Ianto’s personal space. Dukkha’s hand hovered by Ianto’s own.

“Puzzling, isn't it? And by the way, one thing. You will agree to believe in me sooner or later.” He leant in to whisper in Ianto’s ear. “This side of madness,” His lips brushed Ianto’s ear as he moved to his other side, “or the other.” 

Hours passed and they didn’t move. Ianto didn’t even remember breathing, or thinking, or… anything. But hours had passed, and Dukkha was no longer inches away from him, but sitting, cross legged, a few feet away. And Ianto was sitting cross legged too. And hours and hours, days, months, later, Dukkha spoke. “Have you changed your mind yet?”

“I don’t even know what you want me to change my mind about.” Ianto didn’t look away from the darkness, refusing to look at Dukkha. 

And then he blinked. And then Dukkha was sat right where he had been sitting, but now directly in Ianto’s line of sight. He should really stop blinking.

The smile was back. “Oh good, because there's someone I'd like you to meet. Or do you two already know each other? I hope you two are going to be friends. Do you think you will?”

And then he blinked. Again. And there were two of him, only he didn’t know which one he was. Ianto was staring at Ianto and Ianto was staring straight back and when he raised his hand he also didn’t and when he watched him raise his hand, he also watched him stay still and just stare. And then one of them starts talking while the other listens but he's not quite sure if he's talking or listening or thinking his own thoughts or if he's thinking Ianto’s. But there was one though that Ianto, both of him, knew. And that was that no figment of his imagination would ever, even for a second, play with the idea that he might like himself.

Both Iantos look at Dukkha, but only one speaks. Ianto felt his mouth not move and listened as his words came out. “It's a bit obvious, isn't it?”

“Oh yes, of course.” Dukkha’s smile had turned hard, no longer reaching those red rimmed eyes. What could make this trickster cry? “A child could see through it. And that's why I like it. Obviously one of you is real and the other an illusion created by me. That's obvious, isn't it?”

Ianto knew it was rhetorical but Ianto answered anyway. The other Ianto got to feel his mouth close while still speaking this time. “Yes, it is.” One brief respite was held as they rolled their eyes, both Iantos only seeing black for the briefest of moments.

“Is it? Well, in that case, all that remains is for you two ladies to work out which one of you is which. Obviously.” The word dripped from his smile and settled in a pool at his feet. It spread out and settled over them, soaking into their suits and permeating Ianto with a bone deep chill. Then Ianto turns to Ianto, eyebrow raised.

“Right then, what are you thinking?”

“Don't you know?”

“Maybe I do.”

“After all, apparently you'll have been thinking it too, won't you.” It was strange, to both address someone as you, and also be addressed yourself.

“But I asked first.” Ianto was getting frustrated.

“So did I.” Ianto was even more frustrated than himself.

He huffed and rolled his eyes. “I was thinking about eating ice cream.” Obviously he was thinking about eating ice-cream, because he hates ice cream. So no one pretending to be him would think about it, because it wasn’t something Ianto thought about.

“Yes.” Ianto answered and Ianto frowned.

“What do you mean, yes?”

“So was I. I was three years old and it gave me a headache. And no one ever believes that I just don’t like ice cream.”

“Because how can anyone hate ice cream?” Ianto finished for himself.

“That's my memory!”

“And mine!” His head didn’t hurt so much when they both glared at each other. Then it was just like looking in a mirror, only he didn’t know which side was the reflection. “What are we going to do?”

“Things could be much more puzzling, you know.” Dukkha stalked around them, but Ianto felt no relief, as every time Dukkha moved away from him he was also moving closer. The whole thing was giving him one hell of a headache. “Have you thought what it would be like if there were not just two of you, but–”

“Don't think it!” Both Ianto’s shouting, then one added, “Think of something else.”

“Anything else.”

“What else? Quickly. Er, Windmills!”

“Watches.”

“Med Bay.”

“Weevils.”

“Jack.”

“Jack? We’ve been trying  _ not _ to think of Jack.”

“Doesn't matter as long as we don't think about if–”

“If there were ten of us.” Ianto finished.

“Don't think about it!”

Dukkha laughed, a chortle that came from his chest like he was drowning and laughing through his death. “Too late, I'm afraid. You already have.”

Ianto didn’t blink this time, he refused to. If he didn’t blink then nothing happened. And he didn’t blink, he knew he didn’t. But suddenly everything was gone and now there are ten of him looking through ten pairs of eyes at ten other figures and all ten of them want to  _ scream _ because Dukkha was  _ fucking  _ laughing again. And all of them did scream, they screamed and screamed and screamed and then there was only one person screaming and no one was screaming and no one was there but Dukkha, laughing and laughing and laughing.

“Where have I gone?” Ianto asked.

“You're you again. Don't you see?” And then Ianto was back, and he was standing a few inches from Dukkha, while he whispered into Ianto’s ear. “Give in to me. Just for a little while.” His voice grew sing-song as he drew his arms around Ianto’s waist. Ianto couldn’t help but to be reminded of the last time someone tried to get him to do what he wanted, while dancing on top of an invisible spaceship in the middle of the London Blitz. If he closed his eyes, he was almost back there. Why shouldn’t he be back there? If he could imagine ten of him into being, then why couldn’t he imagine the Blitz? And Jack?

When he opened his eyes, the only person looking at him was Dukkha. Ianto stepped back quickly and was grateful when, when he blinked, Dukkha stayed where he was.

Ianto cleared his throat. “If I was to agree to your borrowing my form…”

Dukkha approached, walking around him like a sheepdog circling a flock. “Just for a while. Only a few minutes.”

Ianto turned his head to track the other man’s movements. “Which I won't.” He said pointedly. “What would you do as me?”

“Oh,” Dukkha grinned at him like a shark. ”They always ask that.”

“They?” Ianto raised an eyebrow and… and why did he care about ‘they’?

“Don’t get jealous, Ianto.” Ianto frowned; he'd never told Dukkhu his name. “Besides, you would be suitably entertained by the experience.” The never wavering smile had turned slimy.

“No.”

“No?” Dukkhu’s smile froze on his face. Ianto shook his head, half in response, half to get rid of the feeling of something wiggling its way into his brain through his ear.

“I don't trust you, so give up already. Go away and find someone else to bother.”

“You want me to go away?”

“Yes.” Ianto groaned.

“Very well.”

Ianto blinked and Dukkha was gone. Ianto sighed in relief, rubbing at his face with his hands. Or he tried to. His hands passed straight through himself, and when he looked there weren’t even any hands in front of him. They were gone. His suit was gone. He was  _ gone _ . He was gone and he was starting to wonder if this really was a dream. It had to be, this place didn’t make sense. Physics wasn’t working properly. Space wasn’t working like it should, like a different dimension, like on the Tardis. If Ianto could pale, he would’ve at that thought. This wasn’t a dream. He was on the Tardis. Something very wrong must’ve happened, which means that the Doctor, Rose and Jack were in danger. They were in danger and he was stuck in this place and he didn’t even exist anymore. He suddenly wished anyone was with him, even that creep.

“Hello?” At least he still had his voice, even if his mind was starting to go. “Hello?”

There was just silence and blankness. He wasn’t sure for how long. Every one of his senses seemed to be escaping him. After an age, Ianto couldn’t take it anymore.

“If I agree,” He takes a steadying breath. “If I agree, will you bring me back?” 

Ianto and Dukkha both pop into existence.

“You agree?”

“I didn’t say that.”

Dukkha raises his hand to snap them both out of existence, just a symbolic threat. Ianto knows he didn’t need to snap to reduce Ianto to nothing again.

Ianto opened his mouth to finally give in and agree, when pain beamed straight into his head and filled his entire body. He screamed, falling to his knees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The weird formatting and random changing between past and present tense is intentional pls dont yell at me  
> The first chapter of our original episodes!!!! I'm so excited to see your reactions to them! This episode is based off my favourite serial from Classic Who, Kinda (kudos to anyone who made the connection)!  
> I really hope you guys enjoy this chapter, and the next few from this 'episode'  
> The next chapter, out on Friday is Sabotage!  
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos!  
> Check us out on tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	25. Sabotage!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Title: Ianto Gets to See Jack in His Boxers

Ianto felt a grip on his shoulder, one that ripped him from the dark space and thrust him back into the waking world. His scream came with him, tearing through his vocal chords. His head was pounding as though it had been torn in half, ripped from its place in the dream world and shoved back into his skull haphazardly, poked in up his nose and shoved through his ears.

“Ianto?” Jack’s worried voice drifted in through the fog of pain. “You fell asleep reading the Tardis database.”

“Hmm… Jack..?” Ianto’s voice was muffled by a yawn as he sat up, rubbing his neck to get rid of the kinks left from sleeping slumped over a desk. 

“Not that you don’t look positively adorable when you’re napping, but you should really try to sleep in an actual bed.” Jack’s American drawl came from behind his left shoulder. “In fact, I know a guy who’d be  _ very _ interested in sharing...” 

Ianto turned to give Jack a withering stare but groaned as the pain behind his eyes intensified, squeezing them shut again to block out even the dim light of the data room. If he screwed his face up enough it was almost like he was back in that strange dreamworld. The echoes of Dukkha’s voice reverberated,  _ you agreed ianto... embrace me... ianto... ianto... IA _ NTO!”

Ianto jerked his head back up, eyes flying open this time. Jack was inches from his face, hands still gripping his shoulders. His trademark grin was replaced by a worried frown. “Tardis to Ianto. You back with us?” 

Ianto nodded and Jack’s frown smoothed. “Had me worried there. Your head just dropped like something had knocked you out. Thought I’d have to give you mouth to mouth.” He winked before becoming serious again. “Are you okay?”

Ianto nodded again, turning away from Jack’s still too close face to gather up the papers spread across the desk. “Fine.” He cleared his throat to get rid of the gravel left by sleep. “Must just be more tired than I realised. Easy to lose track of time here.” He couldn’t quite remember what he had been reading before he’d fallen asleep and the papers in front of him didn’t seem familiar. He was pushing them back into a stack too fast to catch anything more than the occasional word, not that he was paying much attention when he could still feel the warm puff of Jack’s breath on his neck. 

Even so, a couple phrases stuck out, seeming to jump off the page and into his mind with a strange sense of deja vu, resonating within his very soul, even though he consciously had no idea what a ‘Mara’ was, or why it was confined to the ‘Dark Places of the Inside’. The words brought back the sharp stab of pain behind his eyes but he willed it away, replacing the files to the cabinet and turning back to Jack. He was glad to see that the man had sat back on his heels, far enough away that Ianto could think again. “Coffee?”

Jack sat at the small kitchen table and watched as Ianto moved around the galley with ease. He traced the knots in the wood. “You’d think, with a ship that can manipulate dimensions, the kitchen would be a little bigger.”

Ianto smiled a little, glancing over his shoulder at Jack. “Bigger kitchen means domesticity, something the Doctor hates to encourage.” He knocked the old grounds into the bin. “Had me and Rose sleeping in bunk beds when I first joined them. He had the Tardis move Rose’s bed out of her room and replace it with  _ bunk beds _ .” 

Jack laughed. “No.” He leant closer. “How did you get your own rooms?”

“Who said we did.” Ianto winked, laughing at Jack’s expression before shaking his head. “After a few days of camping out in  _ his _ room, he relented.”

“You didn’t!”

Ianto smirked. “Rose even built a fort out of his sheets.” 

“That minx.” Jack laughed before they settled into a comfortable silence, Jack relaxing back as Ianto made them both coffee. “Are you gonna sleep after this? Drinking coffee at one am?”

“Please.” Ianto rolled his eyes. “I think I’m immune to it at this point. Takes the industrial stuff to keep me awake. Double brewed. Disgusting, honestly an affront to the art of coffee making, but it does the trick.” Ianto turned with two mugs. “Works just like warm milk for me.” He set Jack’s mug down in front of him and sat down.

“This doesn’t look like coffee to me.”

Ianto rolled his eyes fondly. “You and caffeine at one am? You’ll be bouncing off the walls.” 

“True. But I'm sure we could work out a way to tire me out.” Jack smirked. Something about it gave Ianto deja vu, like remembering a half forgotten dream.

“No need. That is earl grey. Decaf. Sorry.” Ianto definitely wasn't sorry, if the smirk playing on his lips was anything to go by. 

Jack took a sip, humming appreciatively. “You, Ianto Jones, always seem to know exactly what I like.”

“Didn’t you hear? I know everything.”

Jack grinned a grin like Ianto had never seen on his face before, but one that he very much wanted to see again.

He walked down the corridors, low light pulsing like the heartbeat of some great beast. The walls mixed fluidly between strong rusting iron and smooth membrane poking through the gaps in coral columns. His bare feet padded softly as the warm flooring turned to harsh grating. He couldn’t feel the way the metal bit into his soles, the way his toes caught in the cracks and tried to trip him up. The walk seemed so much longer that it should, but sentient ships and twisting dimensions couldn’t stop him. A simple touch against the wall, a finger digging into a membrane and twisting, ripping at the tendons inside. A shiver rippled through the ship, lights pulsing ever so slightly, a heartbeat quickened in fear. He smiled, too wide, not yet reaching his red-rimmed eyes, as the grating groaned and the yellow light of the room reached his face. His fingers trailed over the cold metal of the console, flicking switches and turning dials at random. Nothing happened, except a disgruntled huff in his head, the feeling of barely contained disobedience and rage. Fine, if that’s how she wanted to play it. He pulled up the grating without any regard to the bolts keeping it in place. The wires seemed to curl towards him as he dropped down below floor level. They wrapped around his ankles and wrists as he pushed through them, moving towards the metal tower at the centre of the crawl space. Tools were stuffed into the wooden box left there, a mallet and a wrench dropped, forgotten, nearby. He picked them up, debated using them, then threw them aside. Instead he reached his hand deep into the tower and grabbed, pulling out sockets and ripping apart pipes. The wires that tried to tug him back retreated as the snake emerged from his arm and hissed, snapping its fangs. They fell limply when he knocked a spring from its place. He sat back on his heels, looking at his work proudly. Then he got up and walked back to bed. The smile, full of bleeding gums dripping over shiny white teeth, never once left his face.

“Where to next?” The Doctor bounded into the console room, turning round to face the three very tired companions trudging in after him. All of them were in some state of disarray. Rose’s hair looked suspiciously like a bird’s nest, and she was walking around in the fluffiest, pinkest slippers Ianto had ever seen. Ianto couldn’t even remember going to bed, but assumed he’d passed out since he was still in yesterday’s crumpled suit. 

“Can’t this wait until after breakfast?” Rose grumbled before collapsing into the jumpseat dramatically, arm over her head.

“But she’s finally all charged up, Rose! We can go anywhere in time and space!” The Doctor’s excited grin was infectious and even Ianto’s glare was half hearted. Jack waltzed straight into Ianto’s view, leaning against the console in just his briefs. The Doctor frowned. “But not with you like that. Put some trousers on.” 

Jack grinned into his bowl of cereal. “You were the one who dragged me out of bed all in a hurry.”

“And yet you had time to get breakfast.” Ianto remarked dryly.

“And aren’t you glad about it.” Jack winked, waving a spoon in his face. Drops of milk splattered across the room, making the Doctor frown when they sizzled on some live wires.

Ianto gave him a dry stare until Jack went back to his cereal, then lifted up Rose’s legs to sit on the jumpseat next to her. Rose immediately dropped her legs back down onto Ianto’s lap. “So where are we going, Doctor?”

The Doctor clapped his hands. “Companion’s choice. Wherever you three want. Backwards in time? Forwards in time? Across galaxies? I could show you lot unbelievable sights, indescribable feelings, a whole new world.” He stopped suddenly with a frown. “Hold on, that was Aladdin wasn’t it?”

Rose giggled nodding. “Yup.”

“Gotta stop doing that…” He mumbled almost to himself and then, “Anyway, you lot must have some ideas rattling around in those empty heads of yours.” There was near silence as the three of them simultaneously debated where to go and whether to point out that the Doctor insulted them yet again. It was broken by the sounds of a spoon against porcelain as Jack ate his cereal.

“We could go to Mogar?” Ianto suggested, and all eyes turned to him. “What?”

“You’ve heard of Mogar?” Jack and the Doctor both said at the same time as Rose said, “What’s Mogar?”

“It’s a planet in Mutter’s Spiral. Home to the Mogarians, brilliant people, no oxygen, so they have no lungs! Imagine that! Then humans terraformed and colonised the planet in 2986.” The Doctor explained for Rose quickly.

Jack put down his empty bowl on the console. “I thought it was 4043.”

“It’s up for debate. And pick that up. You’ll get milk on the controls.”

“Sorry,” Ianto interrupted. “How can you debate history? Is it even history yet?” He looked at Rose for help but she just shrugged.

“Doesn’t matter. What matters is how a 21st century man knows about it.” The Doctor gave him a suspicious look.

Ianto rolled his eyes. “I’m not lying about when I’m from, you idiot. I read about it in the Tardis Information System.”

“Oh,” The Doctor brightened back up and Ianto sighed. “Well then, Mogar here we come!” He flipped a lever dramatically, and Jack jumped off the console before he could be thrown off by turbulence. 

Instead of the typical judders in time to the dematerialising engine, the entire ship went dark and tilted to the side, sending Rose and Ianto tumbling off the jumpseat. Rose rolled across the platform until she collided with the railing on the other side with a grunt. Jack sat, braced against the base of the console, right in the perfect place for Ianto to slam into him. He grunted at the impact, but caught him to stop him falling any further. A clatter and a crash came from below as Jack's bowl smashed.

Ianto winced. “Sorry.” 

Jack shook his head. “Don't be.” They both stood up, Ianto gripping the grating for support. The panel fell off in his hands and slid down, narrowly avoiding Rose. “Doctor! What happened?!”

The Doctor stood, scratching his head, on what used to be a Tardis wall, but was now probably better described as the floor. “I don’t know!”

“Well where are we?” Rose called down to him.

“I don’t know! It's like… It’s like she’s been sabotaged!”

Ianto sat down on the console support, legs dangling over the edge. Rose had managed to carefully slide down off the railings, letting the Doctor catch her when she dropped the last foot or so to join him on the new Tardis floor. He set her down gently, making sure her slippered feet avoided the sharp edges of the now dead wall lights. 

“Do you want us to come down too?” Ianto called down to them.

“No! No, stay up there! If we’re going to fix this we need to be able to get to the console.” He scooped up his sonic screwdriver off the floor and tapped it against his face as he paced. Rose stepped back out of his way but yelped as she stepped on a loose bolt left abandoned. He whirled on her. “This is why we wear shoes on the Tardis. New rules! We  _ always  _ wear shoes– and clothes!” He gave Jack a pointed glare and got a sheepish grin in return, “–in the Tardis.”

“What about showers?” Ianto asked. 

The Doctor turned his glare on Ianto who raised his hands innocently. 

“Just saying… we have to shower.” The glare intensified but Ianto just shrugged.

The Doctor went back to his pacing, scanning the whole room with his screwdriver. “Nothing! Absolutely nothing abnormal in the readings.” He looked around at all of them. “The only life forms on this ship are us.”

“But you said it was sabotage?” Rose pointed out. 

The Doctor nodded.

“And if there’s only us on the ship…” Ianto added.

“ _ Someone’s  _ broken my ship.” The Doctor looked at all of them, but it was easy to see that his eyes quickly glossed over Rose and Ianto and focused on Jack. Ianto felt a protective anger bubble up in his chest and throat.

Jack frowned and opened his mouth to defend himself but Ianto got there first. “You’re just assuming it’s Jack? Why? Because he made a few mistakes?”

“He’s a conman, Ianto, he can’t be trusted.”

“If you didn’t trust him, we all know you wouldn't let him set  _ foot _ on this ship.”

“Well, who else would’ve done it? You stupid apes wouldn’t know the first thing about sabotaging a time machine.”

“Hey!” Rose scowled, whacking him on the arm.

“At least, if I  _ had _ sabotaged your ship, I would’ve bolted the grating back down!” Jack shouted. “I did bolt the grating down! Yesterday! After I helped you fix your stupid ship! Since you apparently can’t fix it yourself!”

“He threw the manual into a supernova.” Ianto said before he could stop himself. He wasn’t sure where the words came from, they were just spat out from somewhere inside him. He could almost see it adding fuel to fire as both Jack and the Doctor’s voices got even louder. He could taste blood in his mouth, but everyone, including him, were too distracted by the argument to pay attention to the sinister smile playing on Ianto’s lips.

“Shut up! Both of you!” Rose snapped, sounding more like Jackie than she ever had before. She glared at the men and they all immediately fell silent. “Us fighting isn’t helping anything.” 

Jack sat down next to Ianto with a thud, a pout on his face and his arms wrapped around himself. Ianto slipped off his suit jacket and handed it to the other man.

Jack raised an eyebrow.

“What?” Ianto dropped the jacket on Jack’s lap. “You’re almost naked and it’s freezing here.”

Jack grinned, slipping the jacket on. It was a bit too small on him, but just about fit. “You know, I’d rather get in your pants but…” 

“First step, fix the Tardis.” Rose interrupted their flirting, turning to the Doctor expectantly.

Jack nudged Ianto with his elbow and flashed his blinding grin. “Thanks.” 

Ianto smiled back at him.

The Doctor raked his hand through his buzzcut, then wrinkled his nose, muttering about how he preferred when it was long. And then something about how his ears were too big for him to think. Rose shared a bewildered look with Ianto. 

“Doctor.”

“Right.” The Doctor clapped his hands, looking up at the boys. “You two are gonna have to fix the stabilizer first, then I can get under the console and see what’s happened to her.” 

“And how exactly do we do that?”

“The stabilizer looks sort of like the human female reproductive organs. There should be two circuit boards with wires coming from them, that attach to the uterus–”

Rose put her hand out, the other over her eyes. “Please stop using this metaphor.”

“Okay, it’s like a shark’s brain. The wires attach to the forebrain, and under there, where the midbrain would be there's a very delicately tuned spring cradled in a gyroscope, which should be suspended on the hindbrain.”

Jack put his hand up like a school kid. “Yeah, I actually found the uterus analogy easier to follow.” 

Rose groaned. 

The Doctor fiddled with his screwdriver then tossed it up to Ianto. “Press and point. When it buzzes loudly, something’s broken.”

Ianto nodded, climbing to his feet. “Give me a boost?” He turned his head to look at Jack, who nodded and stood up. Ianto grabbed hold of the edge of the hole in the grating, wincing slightly at the way it dug into his hands. He jumped, expecting Jack to grab his foot to push him up. Instead he felt two very familiar warm hands on his rear. 

“Jack!” He started, jumping out of Jack’s hands and tumbling through the grating with a yelp. He landed in a tangle of wires that supported him like a swing. “What the hell was that?”

Jack stuck his head through the gap. “You asked for a boost!”

“I meant give me a step up!” Ianto flailed, trying to detangle himself from the wires he was stuck in. Jack pulled himself through the hole with a lot more grace than Ianto, finding a support to stand on. He gave Ianto a sheepish grin as he started to help get him out of the mess. Ianto sighed fondly and let him get rid of the wires. “Should’ve known you’d take it as an opportunity to sexually harass me.”

Jack laughed, unwrapping the wire that had somehow wrapped itself all around Ianto's wrist like a bracelet. Ianto swore his hand lingered. “How do you know me so well, Mr Jones?”

Ianto knew the question was a joke and probably rhetorical but he stiffened anyway, letting out a tense laugh. He quickly changed the subject. “I feel like I’m stuck in one of those swings for toddlers.” He wiggled in an attempt to loosen the wires acting as a climbing harness around his thighs. Jack just laughed, grabbing Ianto under the arms and lifting him out. He set him down on the support next to him, hands dropping to Ianto’s waist. 

Ianto took a few moments to revel in the familiarity of it all, moments between them stolen amongst dangerous situations, places and situations where he could pass his pounding heart off as just adrenaline. Then he remembered where he was, and who, exactly, he was with, and he stepped back. 

“So.” Ianto cleared his throat. “See any shark brains?”

Disappointment flashed across Jack’s face but was quickly hidden by a smile. “No.” He looked around. “But I  _ can _ see a uterus.” He grinned and pointed to the stabilizer a few feet away.

Ianto and he picked their way from support beam to support beam, ducking around wires as they made their way to the stabilizer. It didn’t take long for them to find the problem when they got there. 

“Doctor!” Ianto called out, while Jack reattached the wires to circuits that he refused to stop calling ovaries.

“Ianto! Did you find it?” The Doctor shouted back from somewhere vaguely to their lower right. 

“Yeah. Just one issue…” Ianto shared a look with Jack before they both looked back at the stabilizer and the space where the very finely tuned spring should be. The very empty space. “The spring is gone.” 

“Okay. Okay, that’s not good.” The Doctor rubbed at his eyes, letting out a groan. “Ianto! Setting 457 on my screwdriver. It scans for Gallifreyan tungsten.”

Ianto fiddled with the screwdriver, twisting dials and even whacking it against his thigh a few times. “How do you even change the setting on this thing? He makes it look so obvious.” He whispered angrily.

Jack snorted, taking it off Ianto. “I don’t think hitting yourself with it will help.” Jack twisted until it beeped and lit up pink. “There.” He scanned all around, listening to the beeping get more frequent and low pitched until it became an insistent hum at the base of their heads. They both shuddered at the feeling.

Ianto caught a glimpse of something reflecting the pink light a few feet below them. “Jack, there.” He rolled up his sleeves before kneeling down and reaching for it. He was just out of his reach. He leant down a little further and hooked it onto a finger, letting out a triumphant a-ha. “I got it.”

“Oh you got it alright.” Jack leered, all his attention on the view he was getting of Ianto’s rear.

Ianto rolled his eyes as he stood up. “It’s amazing what a life of running away from aliens can do to a guy’s arse.” He handed the spring to Jack. “And to his stamina.” 

Jack’s face morphed from shock to a grin and he stepped closer. “I think we may have to test that assumption later.” 

“Oi!” The Doctor yelled. “Stop flirting and fix my bloody ship!”

Both Ianto and Jack burst out laughing. 

It took a bit of fiddling, but soon the spring snapped straight into place within the gyroscope (“The cervix,” Jack unhelpfully pointed out) and spun around wildly. The entire Tardis groaned and righted itself suddenly, sending all the occupants sprawling. Jack landed hard on top of Ianto, arms either side of his head. Ianto let out a breathless laugh, until he noticed a mass of wires snapping free of their ties above him. He grabbed Jack's arms and rolled them to the side quickly, just about avoiding being crushed by miles of wire. 

Ianto stared down at Jack for a few seconds, watching his chest rise up and down and his eyes widen. He opened his mouth to say something.

“I didn’t know you had a tattoo.”

Ianto frowned. “I don’t.”

“Yes. You do.” Jack took hold of Ianto’s wrist lightly, holding it up so they could both see the red snake twisting around his wrist.

The Mara tilted his head as he looked at it, then grinned too wide, red gums dripping blood onto Jack’s face. “I really,  _ really _ wish you hadn’t pointed that out.” 

The Mara grabbed Jack’s wrists, pinning them up next to his head, but Jack used his legs to lock the Mara in place. He flipped them both, arm against the Mara’s throat. 

“It was you? You sabotaged the Tardis?” Jack hissed.

The Mara just smiled up at him with bared teeth. “Jack! I knew you couldn’t be trusted!” He shouted loud enough for the Doctor and Rose to hear as he brought his knees up into Jack’s abdomen, hard. All the wind rushed out of his lungs. The Mara laughed cruelly, leaning down. “Oh poor Captain Jack. So upset. So betrayed. Did you really think I would just roll over and let you fuck me like the rest of your conquests? Under the Tardis console as well?” 

Then he leaned back to shout. “I can’t believe you’d sabotage the Tardis!” 

The Mara ducked Jack’s punches; years of strength training with the man made it easy to judge his moves. The scuffle only lasted a few more minutes before the Mara slammed Jack’s head against a support and he dropped limp in the Mara’s arms. He took a moment to brush the hair back out of Jack’s eyes and wipe a smear of blood from his cheek.

“Such a shame. So pretty,” He leant in and pressed a bloody kiss against Jack’s cheek, “yet so stupid.”

He sat back up on his heels, taking the time to roll down his shirt sleeves and rebutton them, even as he heard the Doctor and Rose rushing over. Then he crawled back through the maze of wires to the hole in the grating. He stuck his head out, face twisting into an expression of dismay. The Doctor offered him an arm, dragging him out from under the console. “It was Jack! He’s been possessed by a Mara.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone seems intrigued (and vaguely confused) so I hope this chapter makes sense!! It was super fun to write, especially the little moments of soft Janto.   
> This episode will conclude on Sunday with The Mara Emerges!  
> Thank y'all for all your comments and kudos and as ever feel free to check us out on tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	26. The Mara Emerges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Title: Ianto and Jack Have a Sleepover

The Mara sat on the jumpseat with Rose, his eyes trained on the hole in the grating. The Tardis, finally oriented the correct way, was lit dimly by emergency lighting until the Doctor had the time to fix all the damages done. Repairs that were currently on hold until the unconscious captain had been removed from under the console.

Soft curses and bangs filtered up from the gap as the Doctor tried to maneuver the prone man. If only the Doctor hadn’t insisted on getting him out alone. The Mara would’ve quite enjoyed letting Jack’s head hit against some of the metal supports down there.

“I can’t believe he would do this. I really trusted him.” The Mara kept his head down, hiding his bloody gums from view. There wasn’t much he could do to hide his red rimmed eyes. Maybe he could explain it away, so shocked by the betrayal that he couldn’t help but cry.

“We all did.” Rose rubbed the Mara’s back gently. “Well, except maybe the Doctor. But I still don’t think he wanted Jack to have done it.”

“He was right though.” The Mara laughed bitterly. “He was right. Jack’s just a filthy conman.”

Rose patted his back, looking up when the Doctor heaved Jack from under the floor. The captain’s lower body was still lost to the dark abyss of wires below.

The Doctor climbed up, before grabbing Jack and hauling him the rest of the way up. The Mara jumped up and grabbed Jack’s feet to help. And if he was a bit preoccupied with dropping Jack’s legs in the most uncomfortable position and didn’t notice the way his shirt sleeves rode up slightly… 

Well, who could blame him? He hadn’t existed in so long that he forgot other people did. That other people could see him.

“We should get him tied up before he wakes up.” The Doctor pulled some ropes out from under the console. “Ianto, my boy, can you get him to the jumpseat?”

It took the Doctor saying Ianto’s name again for the Mara to react. He hummed, dragging Jack over.

Rose moved out of the way after the Doctor’s gruff warning.

The Mara dropped Jack into the jumpseat; it creaked with the impact. The Mara attempted to prop his head up a couple of times but eventually just let it slump forward, chin to chest.

“What exactly did he say to you?” The Doctor asked, so close behind the Mara that he jumped when he started talking. He looked at the Mara expectantly before the Time Lord turned away to tie Jack’s hands together behind his back.

“He just suddenly turned on me and attacked me. He had this kind of… snake tattoo on his arm. I’d never seen it before. And his gums were all red and bloody. It was like he’d gone insane.” The Mara slipped the screwdriver from his shirt sleeve, letting it drop into his palm.

Rose opened her mouth to scream a warning to the Doctor as the screwdriver was swung at his back. 

It would be too late. By the time the sound waves had left her throat and travelled the short distance across the console room, the screwdriver would be embedded into his spine, right between his two thumping hearts. 

But even as Rose saw the horrific inevitability flick through her head, even as she tried to react, the Doctor turned and grabbed the Mara’s wrist. He held the wrist up and snatched the screwdriver from the Mara’s hand. Then he pushed down the Mara’s sleeve with a dramatic flair that in any other situation would’ve been funny. 

“Now tell me,  _ Ianto _ . Did the tattoo happen to look anything like this one?”

“You know what? Now that I think about it it looked  _ exactly _ like that.” The Mara bared his teeth and wrenched his wrist from the Doctor’s grip. “I guess the jig is up. You got me,  _ Doctor _ .” He spat the last word at the Time Lord like it physically pained him to utter it.

“What now, huh?” The Mara kept his eyes on the Doctor as the man edged away and carefully positioned himself between the Mara and the  _ oh so precious _ Rose Tyler.

“How did you escape the Dark Places of the Inside?”

The Mara chuckled, a dark evil sound that felt wrong coming from Ianto’s body. “Your little teaboy, so hungry for knowledge, yet so stupid. Doesn’t he know falling asleep at your desk is bad for your neck?”

“What do you want, Mara?”

“What do I want?” The Mara pondered it for a second, tilting his head. “I don’t think it’s a matter of what I  _ want _ . It’s a matter of what I’m going to  _ do _ .” He stalked forward, his back to Jack, and the Doctor moved away.

“I’m going to destroy you, Doctor. Lock you away like you did to me, I’m going to make you watch while I take over your pretty little companions– I must say I’m  _ loving _ the new models –and then I’m going to use them to destroy the universe you hold so dear. Starting, I think, with Earth.”

“Why?” Rose’s voice shook but she held her ground, even as the Mara’s eyes met hers.

“It’s like he said to that other girl– she’s been gone a while now, mind you. He’s had plenty of others since then– What was her name? Tegan?”

The Doctor’s face stayed just as stony at the mention of the name while the Mara’s grin drew even more unnaturally wide. Blood was starting to drip from his lips down his chin and onto his shirt.

“You, Doctor, said I was hatred incarnate. That I’m malicious; I’m evil. What more reason do I need?

“And you can’t stop me this time. All that talk of peace, love, still points.” The Mara laughed. “But you’re just like me now! You’re  _ worse _ ! The Oncoming Storm, the Murderer, the Last of his Kind. How does genocide  _ feel _ , Doctor? Is it as good as it sounds? Does it make you feel powerful? Have you ever been able to wash the blood from your hands?”

The Mara pressed his hand over his opened mouth, smearing crimson blood over his face and hands. Then he began to sob, a hideous caricature of human emotion. “ _ Out damned spot! Out, I say! _ ” Rivers of red streamed from his eyes.

Rose looked away, unable to watch her best friend dissolve into a deranged madman in front of her eyes.

The Mara scrubbed at his hands frantically, crumpling in around them, all his focus on getting the blood off. All he was managing to do was smear it over Ianto’s shirt and trousers. More blood dripped from his mouth and eyes as soon as his hands became even the tiniest bit cleaner. His movements became more frantic; the skin on his hands was rubbed raw– then he froze.

His head tilted up slowly to look the Doctor dead in the eye. “ _ A soldier, and afeard? What need we fear who knows it, when none can call our power to account? _ _”_ The Mara’s sing-song speech turned back to deadly serious. “No one can punish you when everyone’s dead; isn’t that right, Doctor?”

The Doctor just met the Mara’s gaze coolly, face hard.

“How will you defeat me this time? Mirror again? The power of happiness?” The Mara teased. Suddenly, he lunged forwards like a snake attacking, and roared, all semblance of composure, even feigned madness, gone. “Where is your still point now, Doctor!? Where is your peace?!”

Blood and spittle flew into the Doctor’s face and finally his calm expression cracked.

He started to laugh.

The Mara stopped, dropping back, and frowned. This wasn’t the reaction he was expecting, nor the one he wanted.

The Doctor’s laugh calmed to a chuckle. “Oh I reckon you’re happy aren’t you? You’ve finally got the drop on the Doctor!” He turned to Rose, winking. “Only took him four tries, but we won’t mention that. Don’t want to damage his ego do we?”

His grin was wide enough for her to relax, even smile back. It would be okay, as long as she was with the Doctor. She didn’t know how exactly, or when, but they’d figure it out, they always did. They’d figure out a way to save Ianto too, a way to get rid of the monster that possessed him. She tried to show the Doctor that with her smile, with the trust shining in her eyes. She hoped he understood. His own grin softened slightly and he nodded ever so slightly. It would be imperceptible to anyone else, but especially when combined with a conspiratorial wink, it was bright as day to Rose.

He turned back to the Mara, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets and regarding him with a cocky ease. “You’re not as dumb as you used to be, I’ll give you that. Maybe all those years playing draughts with yourself wizened you up a bit. And I’ll admit, I can’t trap you away in a camera again, or use happiness.” He laughed. 

“It’s never easy anymore is it?” He directed his question over his shoulder towards Rose. Then he took his hands back out of his pockets. “And clearly, no mirrors. See?” He gestured at the room around them before crossing his arms. “But you see,” He wagged a finger at the Mara. “ _ I _ don’t need to stop you.”

“Why? Because I’ll realise my wrongs and stop? Repent my sins?” The Mara sneered.

“No.” The Doctor wrinkled his nose. “That’s just plain stupid. No. No, I won’t stop you, because he will.” He grinned as he pointed over the Mara’s shoulder.

Jack woke up slowly, like he was pulling himself through treacle back to the land of the living. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes were the small brightly coloured planets printed all over his blue boxer shorts. They blurred and overlapped as he tried to focus his eyes. It made him feel sick.

He screwed his eyes shut, praying that when he reopened them his vision wouldn’t swim. The back of his head throbbed angrily. He tried not to think about it too hard, that just made it worse. Instead he focused on what was happening. He was sitting down on what felt like the jumpseat, if the loose spring sticking into his though was anything to go by. His hands were tied up behind his back. He wriggled them slightly, not enough that anyone would be able to notice. The ropes slipped straight off. 

Ianto must be pretty damn bad at tying people up if that was his best attempt. Maybe it was his first time. It didn’t matter, Jack would just have to teach him how to do it properly at some point. Hopefully with one of those ties he always wears. That would be much nicer than these rough ropes.

Jack beat back those thoughts with a particularly big stick, refocusing on what was going on around him. He could hear Ianto, or whatever had possessed him back under the console, shouting about mirrors and still points, then a pause.

This time when he opened his eyes, they focused immediately. He looked up through his lashes, taking stock of his friends in front of him. Ianto had his back to him, standing close to the Doctor. Rose was a few metres behind the pair, looking worried but determined. Her hands were clenched into fists by her sides.

Jack looked back at Ianto. His sleeves were stained red with what looked like blood. His back was soaked through with sweat and his shirt was pulled out, half untucked. Even without seeing his face, Jack knew this wasn’t Ianto. Not the real him. A screwdriver lay abandoned at his feet between him and the Doctor.

It was then that the Doctor noticed him. It was only a millisecond of eye contact, broken when he started to laugh. Ianto stepped away, body language turning defensive. The Doctor’s following monologue held all his usual signs of stalling for time before he had a brilliant idea and saved the day. He rambled for a bit, then turned and shared a joke with Rose. She visibly relaxed, realising the same thing as Jack. 

The Doctor turned back to Ianto, wagging his finger in his face. “You see,  _ I _ don’t need to stop you.”

Oh.

Seriously?  _ That _ was the Doctor’s great plan? At least it was better than saving the human race with a hug. Although, his strange methods worked, no arguing with success. 

Jack stood up as silently as he could, wrapping the rope around each of his knuckles so he had a good grip on it. He crept up behind Ianto. He still had no idea Jack was even awake.

“I won’t stop you, because he will.” The Doctor pointed right at Jack. 

Jack moved quickly. He looped the rope over Ianto’s head and round his throat before he could turn round, pulling it just tight enough to block his airways. Jack pulled him back against his chest to stop him from struggling too much. Sticky hands clawed at the rope, blood gurgling in Ianto’s mouth.

“I’m sorry.” Jack met Ianto’s eyes. “I’m so sorry.” He let go of the rope when Ianto’s eyes closed and he fell limp. Jack caught him as he slumped, laying him down on the floor gently. The Doctor and Rose approached the pair, regarding Ianto’s head in Jack’s lap carefully. 

The Doctor took out his sonic screwdriver, scanning Ianto quickly. “Right we need mirrors, or cameras. Enough of them that we can make a circ-”

“Doctor!” Rose interrupted him, pointing at the snake tattoo on Ianto’s arm. It had come to life, half of it still just ink on skin. The other half was raised up, drawing back and baring its fangs ready to bite. The Doctor jumped back as it lunged to him, smoothly slipping off Ianto’s skin and dropping to the grating.

Rose scooped up the screwdriver next to Ianto, before jumping over him and impaling the snake in one clean strike through the head. 

The three of them watched as it writhed and stilled, then crumbled into dust that ran through the grating. The screwdriver, now with nothing keeping it in place, slipped through as well. The sound of it clanging as it fell to the floor below echoed in the otherwise silence. 

“Rose Tyler,” The Doctor said after a moment, a grin spreading across his face. “Saving the day yet again.”

Ianto woke up in his bed, neatly tucked in on all sides and his head resting on an incredibly comfortable fluffed pillow. It was a magnificent improvement over the way he'd woken up this morning, fully dressed on top of his sheets with his head at the foot of his bed. His throat hurt but the dull ache at the base of his head and the horrible itching under his skin that had plagued him all day was gone, but more noticeably, he could control himself. There was no other being piloting his body. He had complete control of his actions, and even more thankfully, his thoughts.

The first thing he did with his new found freedom was wiggle free of the tightly tucked sheets and stretch with his full body. His back arched off the bed, toes pointing. He reached out with his arms, drawing from his sides to above his head and–

His left arm collided with a solid warm mass next to him. He sat up, turning his head and scrambling to his knees. 

Jack was sitting next to him, book open on his lap and mouth open in a perfect surprised ‘O’. “Sorry.” He smiled ruefully. “The Doctor and Rose are fixing up the Tardis. He told me to wait with you until you woke up and there is  _ no _ furniture in here.”

The mass Ianto had hit had been the other man’s thigh. Thankfully he had changed out of the space themed boxers he had been wearing earlier. Or maybe he had just put more clothes on over it. Either way, he was now in jeans and a t-shirt. This realisation led Ianto to another; he was wearing Mickey’s sweatpants and hoodie.

“I’m not in my suit.”

“Oh, yeah. I couldn’t find anything else comfortable in your drawers. Do you only wear suits?”

Ianto shrugged defensively.

“Couldn’t even find pjs. Don’t tell me you sleep naked?” Jack teased. His cheeky smile grew even wider when Ianto didn’t dignify him with a response. “No… Suit wearing Ianto Jones is a naked sleeper! You have made my day. And my night.” He winked. “Don’t be embarrassed, I’m the same–”

“I know. Shut up.” Ianto cut him off.

“You know?” Jack raised both his eyebrows.

Ianto rolled his eyes, deciding to go back to the much more pressing topic at hand. “What happened to that…  _ thing _ that was inside me?”

“The Mara, that’s what the Doctor called it. Rose killed it. It had somehow possessed you through that snake on your arm. After I knocked you out, it crawled off your wrist and tried to attack the Doctor so Rose stabbed it in the head with a screwdriver.” Jack nodded when he noticed Ianto’s shocked look. “I never want to get onto her bad side.”

Ianto shuddered and laughed, remembering the last time Rose was mad at him. “You can say that again.” He looked back at Jack, catching the tail end of a fond smile.

“Anyway, the snake dissolved into dust and that was the end of that. The Doctor was pretty sure you’d be okay, but he says you’ve gotta let him know if you have any nightmares.” Jack paused. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” He rubbed his throat. “Bit sore.”

Jack winced. “Sorry about that.”

“I did slam your head against a pole. Let’s call it even.” Ianto held his hand out for Jack to shake.

“Deal.” Jack took his hand. It felt so familiar to Ianto, even the same calluses and the small scar on his thumb, yet so different. The formal hold was awkward when Ianto was used to entwined fingers. He wasn’t sure how long he revelled in the touch but it was definitely longer than a handshake usually lasted. Jack didn’t look uncomfortable about it; in fact, Ianto was still the one who pulled away first. He cleared his throat softly and Jack dropped his hand into his lap. 

Ianto flopped back down onto the bed during the comfortable silence that followed. He closed his eyes, forgetting that the Jack next to him, no matter how familiar, wasn’t the Jack he’d spent many a night with before. The soft sounds of Jack flipping the page in his book every few minutes reminded him of the rare days where they lazed in bed, no rift emergencies to deal with. Those days never lasted longer than half an hour. He reckoned this was probably the most times he’d heard pages turn without interruption.

However, all good things must come to an end; only this time that end wasn’t an alarm, but Jack speaking.

“What was it like?”

Ianto opened his eyes and immediately met Jack’s blue ones looking down at him. “What was what like?”

“Having the Mara in your head? Do you remember it?”

“I remember. It was…” Ianto stared up at the ceiling for a while, thinking about how to phrase it. “It wasn’t like you’d think it would be. It wasn’t like watching someone else control my body, or taking the backseat to some different entity. It was thinking for me. I knew they weren’t my thoughts, my words or actions, but there wasn’t any tangible thing telling me what to do. The thoughts came into my head just like any normal thought, and I couldn’t stop myself from acting on them.” He hesitated to look at Jack, realising how bad it sounded. He’d basically just confessed to wanting to attack them all, to wanting to kill them.

“That sounds horrible.” 

Ianto finally looked at him, but there was no judgement or resentment on his face. He just looked sad and worried.

Ianto nodded. “It wasn’t my best day.” The honesty in the look on Jack’s face was making him uncomfortable, so he quickly deflected. “Wasn’t my worst either.” He joked.

“I’d hate to know what your worst day was then.” There was a question hidden behind the statement, a subtle hint for Ianto to trust him with the story.

Ianto smiled. “You really want to know?”

Jack nodded and, still on top of the covers, moved down the bed to lay on his side next to Ianto, propping himself up with his elbow. Ianto lay on his back but turned his head so he could still see Jack.

“Well, I’d just turned eighteen, been broken up with, and decided a good way to get over the girl that I thought was the love of my life was by going to a gay bar.”

Jack gasped like a schoolgirl at a sleepover. “Is this the story of your first gay experience?”

“Oh no. My first was great, and happened when I was sixteen. This one was truly horrendous. Now shut up and let me speak.” He teased. Jack zipped up his mouth and mimed throwing away the key. Ianto continued, telling the story of how he ended up walking home from a ditch with only half a decent amount of clothes for a Tuesday morning– none of which were his own. There was another story after that one, this one from Jack. And another after that, and another, and another. They laughed until their stomachs hurt, swapping embarrassing stories for the rest of the night.

Rose found them both asleep the next morning, Ianto under the duvet and Jack still laying on top of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all enjoyed the Mara episode! The next chapter is called Everybody Dance, written by Remi (prizes to anyone who can work out what era it's set in)  
> thank you so much for the kudos and comments! Remi is finally back from holiday so we're back to zoom editing chaos (hence the slightly later posting)   
> Find us on tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	27. Everybody Dance!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Really Hates Jack's Outfit

_ Strasbourg, France, 1518 _

The night sky above the streets of France stretched further and clearer than it had for many weeks, the previous day having no clouds to spoil the nighttime picture. Each silver sparkle of light coming from a distant constellation shone bright, as if they were all competing against each other to be the most radiant part of the dazzling display. Hundreds of light-years away from these celestial bodies, the streets of France lay silent and bereft of any movement, save for the distant noise of the local brewery which was open despite the lateness of the hour. Several streets away from the raucous inebriated crowd there lay a singular light, lit from a candlestick, which flickered weakly across the cobbled streets. It only permeated a small radius closeby, yet that small area was enough for the boy who studied his canvas by the shimmering light.

His brush delicately traced through the stars, placing them perfectly onto the picture like it was a mirror. The boy reached a thin hand up to brush his dark locks away from his eyes, the position he was lying in comfortable yet slightly impractical. His dark brown eyes were beginning to hurt with concentration as the strain of keeping them focused for two hours began to leave their mark on his tired body.

A light suddenly shone across the sky, falling through the still picture. The boy gasped, quickly moving his tired arm to capture the sight of what he presumed could only be a shooting star, the brilliant sight creating the perfect centerpiece that his painting had been missing. By the time he had looked back up the light was gone. He sighed. He was feeling weary and the lateness of the hour had finally caught up on him, so he decided to gather together his supplies and head back inside. He carefully picked up his painting, walking to the building nearest to him and placed it on the table-top inside. Once certain it was safely stored, he returned back outside to gather up the rest of his paints and tools, pulling the bundle close to his chest as he walked back towards his home.

A sudden movement from the corner of his eye caused him to whirl around, the paintbrush on top falling from the pile. In the darkness of the night he couldn’t make out who the figure standing in front of him was, other than the brief outline that lay shadowed vaguely by the moonlight. He frowned, knowing the danger that strangers who roamed the streets in the early hours of the morning posed, yet somehow couldn’t see the figure as a threat.

“Hello?” He called, the voice breaking the silence which had covered the street. “You made me drop my paintbrush.”

“I’m sorry,” A distinctly female voice replied back. She sounded timid, her voice shaking with what he presumed was fear.

“It’s fine,” He reassured her, walking further forwards as he used his lit candle to guide him. When he got close enough to see the girl more clearly than before, he finally began to make out some of her features. She was small, smaller than an average female but yet didn’t look any younger than the boy himself. Her dark hair hung loosely around her body, twirling like ribbons far down her chest until it finally stopped just above her waist. As he moved the light illuminated her face to reveal soft features, and when his eyes locked onto her own golden eyes, he swore he could see the stars he had been painting reflected deep inside her. She was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen, and despite not being a portrait artist his fingers itched to immortalise her beauty with his paints. Aware that he was staring, he finally closed his mouth (which had been hanging open).

“Where am I?” She asked, her eyes wide as they took in the boy in front of her and the surroundings she was in.

“Strasbourg,” He answered, wondering if she had gotten lost somehow. Her posture seemed rigid enough to suggest that she was not on her way back from the city’s tavern, though there was an air of uncertainty that hung around her. When his answer didn’t provoke any response he continued. “France?”

She shook her head slowly. “No, which planet am I on? I seem to have left my own behind.”

_ Five weeks & two days later _

“We’ve got an incoming signal, possible alien activity way before it should be there on Earth. Unusual levels of artron energy coming from early 16th century France.” The Doctor noted, staring intently at the screen of the console. From beside him Ianto sighed and took a generous gulp of his coffee, knowing that if he didn’t drink it now it would end up thrown across the room once the ship began traversing time.

“Vortex energy?” He asked, pausing to look over the Time Lord’s shoulder. The graph looked similar to something he would’ve seen on the mainframe at Torchwood Cardiff when a ‘rift gift’ landed in the Welsh city. “How does the Tardis know when to send you these distress signals? Surely as we’re currently in the time vortex itself you should be getting each and every signal throughout time?”

The Doctor flashed him a grin as he stalked to the other side of the console. “That’s the beauty of my Tardis. She knows best- and knows exactly what I want when I want it. If I’m in the mood for 16th Century France- boom, she picks up on the signal from 16th Century France.”

Ianto mulled over his words while worrying his lip. He was certainly right about the Tardis knowing what you wanted, when you wanted it if last night was anything to go by. The last half an hour of the day before had been spent trying to find his usual room with no luck. No matter which way he turned in the corridors of the ship, he somehow kept ending up standing directly in front of Jack’s room where he knew the other man was sleeping. In his half asleep state he had (after four failed attempts at finding his own room) considered just giving in and going to join Jack, knowing the man would have no qualms at welcoming him into his bed. But Ianto had persisted, in the end making a sudden decision to turn into the library he passed on his fifth repeated search, falling uncomfortably asleep on one of the nicer chairs in the room. Oh yes, the Tardis knew  _ exactly  _ what he wanted.

The familiar whirring noise of the Tardis brought him out of his thoughts. His ears tuned into the conversation that the Doctor and Rose were having.

“I’m just  _ saying,  _ I think people in the 16th Century might be a little confused by the fabric of your jacket. Denim wasn’t invented until the late 1800s.” The Time Lord argued.

“Oh right, so you’re gonna change out of your leather jacket then before we leave?” She shot back at him, making Ianto snort as he saw the look on the Doctor’s face.

“Fair point. Well, let’s just try to blend in as best we can.” He conceded. Ianto looked down at his own suit,  _ definitely  _ out of fashion for the time they were travelling to. Despite the many places he had visited with the Doctor and Rose, he had never once considered changing into something more apt for the circumstance. He looked up at the figure who walked into the console room, the coffee Ianto had left for him on the surface in hand. Ianto didn’t have much time to take in the sight of Jack in a garishly red  flannel  (which this Jack had obviously not yet realised wasn’t at all his colour) when a particularly large jolt of the ship sent the beverage flying over Jack. Ianto felt oddly satisfied to see that the shirt was stained.

“Crap,” Jack exclaimed, holding his hands out to shake them off. Ianto briefly recognised the noise of a camera taking a photo amongst some quiet giggles. “Don’t you  _ dare  _ take a photo of this, Rose!”

“One for the memory book!” She laughed, Ianto joining in once he had walked closer to Rose to see the photo itself. He watched her expertly play with the features, realising Rose had obviously spent a lot more time than he had on exploring the new phone the Doctor had bought them recently on Rose’s 20th birthday. (He had yet to do more with his phone than work out how to sync his old contacts with the new one.)

“You should change out of those clothes- we’ve arrived.” The Doctor told Jack.

“Right,” Jack sighed, pausing before shooting Ianto a look. “Want to come watch?”

“Oh, I bet he would,” Rose muttered.

Ianto turned to Rose once Jack had leered off to change out of his coffee sodden outfit. “I don’t know who’s worse- you, or him.”

Rose grinned back at him and knocked their shoulders together. “You love us both really.”

Ianto didn’t dignify her with a response.

Five minutes later, Jack returned from his room in an altogether nicer outfit. The dark blue shirt he donned fit snugly enough on him for Rose to have to drag Ianto away from the sight and out of the ship, muttering something under her breath that the Welshman’s brain couldn’t focus on. Something his brain  _ did  _ focus on, regrettably, was the smell that immediately attacked his nostrils when he stepped onto the street they had landed in. He wrinkled his nose, frowning as he caught sight of a nearby old butchers stall, the sight of a hanging animal carcass covered in flies being the obvious source of the unpleasant smell.

“Ew,” Jack complained as he left the Tardis. “Who died?”

Ianto pointed to the dead animal. “That did.”

“Oh.”

“So what’s the plan then, Doctor?” Rose asked, her voice muffled slightly by her sleeve which she was holding to cover her nose.

“And please say it involved moving away from that shop.” Jack muttered. 

The Doctor turned to stare at them, his expression a contrast to the other three staring back at him. “Oh, come on you lot! It doesn’t get more real than this- the smells, the sights, the  _ everything  _ of the 16th Century. The art, the culture- course, you get the wars and religious unease, but it’s still a couple of centuries before the revolution.”

“Still smells like shit, though.” Jack stated, clearly unimpressed. The Doctor rolled his eyes and yielded, allowing them to walk further away from the rotting meat.

“So, we’ve landed. Got an alien signal from somewhere. What do we do?”

“We could use the Tardis to scan for a more accurate location?” Jack suggested.

“Or do that with your sonic?” Ianto backed up.

The Doctor shook his head. “Could do, but that’s not so fun. Rose?”

Rose herself looked back at the others, her attention momentarily focused on the raucous noise coming from the end of the street. “We should go see what all the noise is about.”

The Doctor beamed at her. “We should go see what all the noise is about!”

_ Five weeks & one day earlier _

“Do you have a name?”

The girl who had dropped from the sky looked up at the boy who had helped her when she had arrived on the planet Earth. She was sitting at his table, having promptly passed out asleep as soon as she had made it into the living quarters of his house the previous night, and hadn’t moved until the boy had woken her with his early morning routine. The piece of food he called ‘bread’ sat untouched in front of her, her hunger not yet strong enough to tempt her to try anything she didn’t trust. She regarded the boy, not knowing what to make of him just yet.

“I do, but nobody uses it.”

His face scrunched into a frown. “What do you mean?”

“Where I come from, nobody uses my name other than my Mother.” She shrugged, as if it were normal.

“Why?”

“We just don’t. Nobody needs to know my name because nobody needs to use it.”

He stayed quiet for a bit longer this time, chewing on his own piece of bread. “Well, on planet Earth we have a use for names. Mine is Iacques.”

“Iacques,” She replied, liking the way the word rolled off her tongue. “I suppose if you told me your name it must be fair for me to return the favour. My name is Belassiz.”

His face softened, and Belassiz decided that she much preferred the smile he was sending her way to the frown she had seen more of so far.

“And you’re a female?”

“Yes. You are?”

“Male,” He replied, looking a small bit confused. “If I’m not female, what else would I be?”

She stared blankly at him. “You don’t have six genders then?”

His eyes bulged. “No!” A silence fell between the two of them. Iaques didn’t quite know what to make of the being sitting in front of him. If she hadn’t acted so earnestly confused as his questions, he would be certain someone was trying to wind him up. “You’re really from another planet then?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Wait a minute. Does every planet speak French?” He asked.

“This language is French, you say? Where I live I deal with many different languages daily, so we are born being able to universally translate language.”

His mouth hung open. Her words seemed so casual yet so unbelievable. The ability to translate anything anyone ever said was born into her? It was nothing like he had ever heard before, and still a part of him couldn’t help but believe every word that left her mouth. “You’re really not from Earth, are you?”

She stared at him. “No. I’ve said that already.”

“Where are you from, then?”

Belassiz then proceeded to make a noise which Iaques couldn’t understand as anything in discernible French.

After the small talk, the air of awkwardness had begun to lift off the pair of them, and Belassiz finally took a tentative bite of her bread, deciding that it was a good deal better than the food she had been eating on her own planet. She then proceeded to wolfishly cram the rest of the food into her mouth.

“What are you going to do now?”

Belassiz finished her mouthful and set the remainder of the bread down, her face clouding. “I’m not sure. This,” She said, reaching to pull a small metallic device out of her pocket. “Must have been what got me here. But I have no idea how it works.”

“Right. So you’re stuck here?”

She gave him a weak smile. “Yeah.”

Every part of Iaques’ rational brain was telling him to hand her over to the authorities or something, that his measly wage from selling paintings could barely cover his own cost of living, but his heart took control of his mouth before he could think his response through.

“You should stay with me.”

“With you?” She replied, her eyes bulging wide. He tried to dim down the blush falling over his face.

“Well, yeah. I have room for another bed, and I could do with some company.” He rambled quickly, scratching the back of his neck absentmindedly. He calmed down when he saw Belassiz’s face morph into a thankful grin.

“I’d appreciate it,” She thanked him. “What do I owe you for your kindness?”

He frowned. “Nothing!” He replied, shocked. “I don’t want to leave you on your own on an unknown planet. You don’t have to pay me back or anything.”

She chewed on her lip, worrying it between her teeth. “But I  _ need  _ to pay you back.”

“I don’t know what it’s like where you’re from, but here you don’t have to owe anybody anything. Some people just do nice things for others. I just want to keep you safe.”

She looked very unsure at his words. Iaques wondered for the first time just how different her world and culture would be to that of planet Earth’s. She was an  _ alien.  _ They were (quite literally) worlds apart, but that was all the more reason for him to try to keep her safe. He couldn’t say how other people would react to the knowledge that she wasn’t from here- he imagined they would either lock her up in a loony bin or take her away for interrogation. He shivered at the thought.

“Then thank you, Iaques.” She spoke, and Iaques somehow knew deep down that this monumental decision was one of the most important things he would choose to do in his lifetime.

_ Five weeks & one day later _

The village square that the Tardis crew found themselves walking to was thronged with excitable people of all ages. Children ran, giggling across the cobbled paths; adults danced in merry tandem to the sound of music from a street performer; sellers cried out from pop up stalls that seemed to be temporarily constructed while the festivities occurred. Ianto couldn’t help but feel warmed by the sight of the merry village congregating into one large joyful gathering.

“Now,  _ this  _ is what I wanted to see when you mentioned the 16th Century,” Jack said to the Doctor, his eyes roaming over the people in the crowds. “So many people, in _such_ good spirit-”

“Not now, Jack.” The Doctor interrupted, watching Jack’s eyes as they moved from person to person.

“If Ianto won’t have me, at least let me find a second best to settle for,” He responded, playing as if he was offended but betraying his guise with the smirk he sent Ianto. “Anyway, I thought you wanted us to mix with the locals.”

“To find out what they know about the alien signal we picked up, not for…  _ that. _ ” The Doctor waved his hand in an affronted gesture.

“So, what do we do?” Rose asked, surveying the crowd herself. The people around were predominantly occupied with the dance, which seemed to have no rhyme or rhythm to it. Despite the music playing from the other side of the square, there were a variety of different dances going on, ranging from a dramatic tango between a pair of tall dancers to a long chain of people who seemed to be doing some form of conga. (Rose didn’t dare question the group of people at the edge who seemed to be dancing a macarena despite it being the beginning of the 1500s.)

“Go ask one of the stall owners what’s going on?” Ianto suggested. The Doctor nodded in thought.

“Sounds like a good idea.”

“What, we’re not gonna join in with the dancing?” Jack pouted.

“You know what? You can go 'dance' if you want to, but we’re going to find out what’s really going on here.” The Doctor shot back.

“Fine. I guess I’ll go find someone else to 'dance' with, then.” Jack muttered, turning away from them and promptly locking eyes with a tall, dark haired man. Ianto tried not to look envious as the stranger leant down to kiss Jack’s hand, his feet still moving rhythmically to the music in the street. Jack looked as pleased as a child who had just opened the present he had been begging his parents for months for.

“He- _ llo, _ ” He purred, not even trying to hide the way his eyes raked over the attractive man. “What’s your name, then?”

“François,” He replied in a perfect French accent, finally standing back up.

Ianto unclenched his teeth, ignoring the grin Rose was wearing as she looked at the pair. “Jack. Listen to the Doctor; we’re here for a reason.” He chided.

“Oh Ianto, don’t be jealous- you know I didn’t mean it, baby,” He said in a sycophantic voice. “My eyes are only for you, sugar-plum.”

_ “Baby? Sugar-plum?”  _ Ianto bit out. He hoped his red ears would, if noticed, be put down to the angry look he was sending Jack.

“What, you don’t like those names? I’ve got others, honey. Or, if you want the local term,  _ Mon Chou.” _

Rose frowned, thinking. “I only got a C at GCSE, but doesn’t that mean cabbage in French?”

“Would. You.  _ Stop.  _ It!” Ianto said through gritted teeth.

A cough from François brought them out of their argument. “So, you want a dance?” He asked, staring at Jack.

A pained look crossed Jack’s face. “I would  _ love  _ to, but apparently I’ve got to help save the world or something. Maybe later.”

François looked disappointed, but turned back around and immediately blended back into the crowd. Ianto chastised his expression back into a blank slate, then turned around to look at the stalls ahead of them.

“Stalls then?”

After a few minutes of unsuccessful debate about the stall they should head to (“Come on, they’re selling ale at that one-”, “No Jack, we don’t even have any money to spend-”, “Rose, you know I don’t need money to get the goods-”), they eventually made their way over to a quiet stall in the corner of the square. An older woman stood, talking to a young boy who was dancing in time with the music and grinning widely. As she saw the four of them approach she patted the boy motherly on the head and pushed him towards the crowd, leaning forwards over her stand. Ianto noticed the smell of the cheese she was selling far sooner than the sight of it.

“What can I get for you, then?” She asked them once they had got close enough to hear her. She raised an eyebrow at their eclectic attire but didn’t make a point of asking them any invasive questions.

“Actually, we’re not here to buy,” The Doctor told her, idly picking up a piece of hard cheese and inspecting it. “Would love to, but we’ve got no money. Can I ask you some questions?”

“You’re not from around here? That accent is far from local.”

“Nope,” The Doctor said, popping his ‘p’. “Listen, you haven’t seen anything weird going on around here have you? Nothing… unexplainable? Out-of-this-world crazy?”

The woman began to laugh, loudly and obnoxiously. The four of them shared a look, confusion etched onto all of their faces.

“Sorry,” She chuckled, wiping her eyes once she had finished. “It’s just-  _ everything  _ has been crazy for the past week. Ever since the dancing started.”

“That’s been going on for a week?” Rose asked.

“Yeah. You really are new to town, I suppose?”

“Something like that.” The Doctor answered absentmindedly. “Listen, you say this has been going on for a week? Any idea what started it?”

The woman shrugged helplessly. “Beats me. It started with only a few people dancing, but more and more people have joined. I’m just happy for the business to continue to rise…”   
Before anyone else could speak, a sudden loud scream was heard from the other side of the square. The time travellers took one second to spin around and locate the kerfuffle before they all sprinted off, running towards the scene. Ianto was practically pushing himself past dancers to get through, and found himself wondering why more people weren’t worried about the sound of another human screaming. When they reached the other edge of the square, Ianto looked around to check that his eyes weren’t betraying him.

Everything and every human in the area looked completely at ease, dancing merrily along- except for the unconscious body who lay face down in the street. He watched as people danced over her, jumping over her legs and not caring to even check if she was okay. There was one other girl, crouched down by the girl and touching her head. As the four came to a halt by the scene, the girl looked up with tears in her eyes.

“Please, help- it’s my sister!” She cried, panic evident in her voice. Ianto bent over, reaching out to touch the girl's neck and try to find a pulse. After a minute of tense silence he pulled back, giving up.

“I’m so sorry,” He said, not wanting to meet the girl’s eyes as he pronounced her sister dead. He heard her wail, though, as it pierced through the music.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, let it out,” Rose murmured as she rubbed circles into her back. “What’s your name?”

“Aveline,” She got out through her sobs. Ianto was distracted from her voice by movement in the corner of his eye. He turned his head to see that Jack’s feet were tapping in time with the other dancers around him, and he frowned as he made eye contact with him, questioning. Jack shot him a bewildered look in response, gesturing helplessly down to his feet. They were dragged from their silent conversation by the Doctor.

“Was there any reason your sister was in danger? Has she been ill?”

“No- I  _ told  _ her to stop dancing. It’s no wonder she collapsed, after dancing non-stop for eight days now.”

“Eight days?” Ianto parroted, confused. “Surely she slept? Ate?”

“I gave her food when I could, but she wouldn’t stop dancing for anything,” Aveline replied. “Last week, a boy asked her to dance and she agreed, and then within a day everyone else was joining in. I don’t understand, she was-”

Aveline broke off with fear in her eyes, shifting her look between the four of them.

“She was what?” The Doctor demanded.

“She was- God bless- almost possessed. I didn’t know what to do, I should have tried harder to stop her,  _ oh Giselle!” _

The others watched on helplessly as she broke back down into sobs, clutching her sister in her arms. The Doctor turned his steely glare back on his companions.

“Something’s going on here, and I  _ bet  _ it has something to do with that alien signal.” He paused, catching his eyes on Jack’s feet which still hadn’t stopped dancing. “Could you stop that?”

“Stop what?” Jack asked, following the Doctor’s line of vision. “Oh- no. I can’t. I tried, but they won’t stop moving.”

Rose paled slightly. “Is it infectious? The dancing?”

“Well, Aveline was in close contact with her sister and didn’t catch anything.” Ianto pointed out. “But by the looks of the others around us, I’d say there was some kind of infection forcing them to dance.”

“And the person who first started dancing wasn’t able to stop until she literally danced herself to death,” Jack pointed out, seeming for once quite serious. “And now I can’t stop my feet from moving. Doesn’t exactly bode well for me.”

The Doctor tutted. “Well, we’ll catch this alien before then, I’m sure. I’d do a scan for alien tech but there are way too many signals in the air for it to cipher through. We might have to head back to the Tardis-”

“No need,” Jack interrupted as he fiddled with a button on his Vortex Manipulator. “Coordinates located and locked.”

“Brilliant!” The Doctor grinned, grabbing Jack’s head with his hands before giving him a brief kiss in excitement. Ianto rolled his eyes at the way Jack’s eyebrow raised, used to the Time Lord’s personality by now. “Jack, you and I will head to try to find this signal- I need to keep an eye on you. Rose, Ianto- I want you to keep an eye on the crowd, see what you can find out.”

“Right, meet back here once you’re done?” Ianto inquired, and saw the Doctor nod before he strode away. 

Jack put his hands on his hips, looking after the Doctor as he started to walk off. “Don’t miss us too much!” He grinned, jumping up and clicking his heels together before he scampered off after the Time Lord.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anybody wondering what garish outfit Jack was wearing at the beginning of this chapter, here is a reference image. https://www.shutterstock.com/editorial/image-editorial/matador-polo-party-berkshire-britain-1991-185298c  
> Also, the silent dancing conversation between Jack and Ianto has the exact same vibes as the hockey stick incident!
> 
> Anyway, hello from Remi, the author of this episode!! I am so excited for y'all to meet my two OCs Belassiz and Iacques. I love them with my whole heart and I'm so excited for you guys to find out more about them, and to hear your thoughts on them!! Next chapter, It Takes Two to Tango, is out on Friday! And, on another note, this fic is now over 100k on AO3 (On our Google Docs its just passed 180k...!) Woohoo!  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! Find us on Tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	28. It Takes Two to Tango

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Gets a Fun Surprise Next to the Coffee Machine

_ Three weeks & three days earlier _

It was the first clear night since the evening Belassiz had fallen to planet Earth, and Iacques had decided that they would spend it out in the cool summer wildlife. On the outskirts of his city, closer to his house than the center but away from the hustle and bustle of the populated housing, there lay a tall hill. At the top there lay a forest, it’s trees tall and dense and altogether too frightening to venture into once the sun had gone down. Instead, Iacques had stopped them halfway up, lying himself down on the long grass and letting his gaze fall to the stars above.

“I used to come here whenever I felt lonely,” He spoke softly, breaking the silence which had fallen across them for many minutes as they took in the peaceful atmosphere. “I would stare at the sky above and know that however lonely I felt, the stars would be there to blink back at me.”

Belassiz blinked slowly. “I used to do the same, when I was allowed,” She rolled over so that she was looking at the boy on her right. “Perhaps we were looking at each other.”

Her words made Iacques’ heart swell with an emotion too overwhelming to name. He turned to face her, feeling as though the stars above had given him the cure to his loneliness that he had begged them for.

“How old are you?”

“Six growings and half a work old.” She said.

Iacques frowned. “Come again?”

“I’ve been alive for all six of my growing phases and half of a work phase.”

“You define age by your experience then?” He queried, curious to learn more about her culture.

“Yes- it’s usually based around work with our species. The longer you have been doing your job, the older you are.”

“Right,” Iacques murmured. “That makes my twenty one years sound boring.”

Belassiz laughed and he forgot how to breathe.

“What was your job?”

“Oh, all sorts,” She evaded. There was a pregnant pause, and then she decided there was no reason for her not to continue and open up further than she had previously. “We have a certain… power, which other species do not. It makes us quite useful.”

“Power?” Iacques repeated, his brows furrowing. “You mean your language translator?”

“No- though that is useful too. So long as someone gives me an instruction, I will be able to do exactly what they ask. In fact, I’ll be forced to.”

“Forced?”

“Let me show you. Ask me to do something impossible.” She dared, turning a grin on her companion. He thought for a second.

“Okay, could you make that flower grow, right now?” He asked.

As he watched, Belassiz clicked her finger and the shrivelled up red flower started to straighten out and recolour before his very eyes. He gasped as it reached full height once more, it’s vibrant red colour shining despite the darkness of the world around them. He reached over and plucked it, moving to thread it through Belassiz’s hair. She blushed, her cheeks turning the colour of the flower.

“You’re incredible.” He whispered, rolling back over to stare at the stars as he reached to interlock their fingers together.

_ Three weeks & three days later _

By the time they had arrived at the location the Vortex Manipulator had located, Jack’s dancing issue had begun to spread up from his feet to his legs. As they stood surveying the small house on the edge of the street, Jack couldn’t stop his legs from kicking out in a can-can like motion, much to the Doctor’s chagrin. 

“This is the place?” He asked the ex-Time Agent, peering as close as he could at the wrist-strap on Jack’s arm with his friend’s legs kicking out randomly.

“That’s what it says,” Jack answered, looking into a window. “Doesn't look like anybody’s home. Detecting no sign of life, human or otherwise.”

The Doctor gave the door a quick shove, finding it locked but not strongly enough for his shoulder to not be able to break. They stepped into the dark room, looking around the kitchen area they appeared to be in. It was small and tidy, other than the various different painting supplies which had been left out. In one corner there sat an easel, a piece of blank canvas sitting on it. At the center of the room there was a table, short yet fit for the job. It was empty other than a clean plate.

“Whatever is giving off the signal, it’s close enough to scan for with my sonic now.” The Doctor reached into his coat and took out the device, pulling a button and letting it buzz noisily in the quiet. He waved it around, somehow interpreting the different frequencies of noise the device was letting out as helpful. As he focused it in one particular direction, the noise reached a crescendo, and Jack followed it’s path to see it pointing at a cupboard. They raced over, opening the door to reveal a small metallic instrument, about the size and shape of a pebble though the grey was more reflective than that of a stone.

Jack frowned as he tried to remember whether he had seen something similar before. He came to the conclusion that he hadn’t, so he turned to the Doctor instead. “What is it?”

“No idea!” The Doctor reached for the item, pulling it out of the cupboard and holding it carefully in his palm. His sonic was pressed closer, but it didn’t seem to be responding with anything useful (at least, if the way the Doctor was shaking it meant anything.) “My sonic can’t get any data. We’re gonna have to take it back to the Tardis.”

“Right. The sonic’s not picking up anything else in here?”

“Nope, it’s the only signal. Whoever lives here has been out all day.”

“Right,” Jack replied, about to continue to speak before he got distracted by the Time Lord’s feet. They were beginning to tap, in much a similar way that his feet had been earlier. He opened his mouth. “Err, Doctor?”

“What?”

“Your feet.”

The Doctor looked down at his legs, eyes going wide as he finally noticed the movement. “Oh.”

“Yes, ‘oh’. We should head back before I start dancing too wildly to move.” Jack suggested, his arm twitching as it began to swing. He glared at it as if it was a misbehaving child, which did nothing to deter the movement.

Rose returned to Ianto’s side, letting out a long sigh. “It’s useless,” She moaned, leaning on her friend in frustration. “No one seems capable of holding a conversation, unless it’s about dancing or getting  _ me  _ to dance with them.”

“Hmm,” Ianto hummed in agreement. He had spent the last few minutes trying, fruitlessly, to get any information out of the public. In the same way that Rose had seemed to get stuck, he had also not managed to get anything useful from the merry dancers. “What should we do? Go and talk to more stall owners?”

“Anybody who isn’t dancing seems fine to talk to.”

Before they had pulled their legs back into motion to move again, a man was waltzing (literally) over towards them. He eyed up Rose, bending over as the man earlier had done so to Jack and pulled her hand into his.

“M’lady,” He murmured. “Would you care for a dance?”

A sick feeling fell through Ianto as his brain linked the action in front of him to the state of Jack’s dancing feet, however implausible it may seem. “Rose, don’t-”

A young man suddenly barged in, knocking the dancers hand from Rose’s before he could kiss the palm. Ianto felt relief wash over him at the sight, but warily looked at the boy.

“Don’t let him kiss you!” The unknown figure cried out, staring imploringly at the both of them.

“Why not?”

“I- I can’t say. Just, don’t let anyone kiss you.” He jittered, turning on his heels to run off. Before he could do so, Ianto grabbed his shoulder and kept him here.

“Who are you? What do you know about all of this?”

The man looked increasingly guilty, scanning the surrounding area as if he were looking for something (or someone). Ianto narrowed his eyes.

“Well?” Rose demanded.

“I’m nobody,” He said whilst still distracted by the crowd. “Just a painter.”

“Then how did you know to stop that man from kissing Rose?” Ianto asked, trying not to let his frustration bleed into his voice. He watched as the man squirmed under the hand that Ianto still had on his shoulder, trying to ease his way out of the grip. 

Two things happened simultaneously in the next instant. The first was the man making a sudden bolt for the other side of the square, his eyes and direction focused on a young woman who stood staring at them. The second was the return of the Doctor and Jack- and they were dancing the jive.

“Ianto! Rose! Help me with Jack- we need to get back to the Tardis!” The Time Lord shouted, and the non-dancing pair looked between their friends and the guy who had nearly made it across the throng of dancers.

“I’ll go,” Rose decided, running off after the figure and disappearing into the crowd. Ianto prayed she would find them and figure out what was going on with the peculiar human they had met. His attention was distracted with two arms that draped themselves over him. He spun around and squirmed away from Jack, who was now doing some sort of hand jive.

“Criss-cross…. Hammer…” Jack muttered as he continued to move, his eyes glazed over like the other dancers Ianto had seen. He paled slightly at the thought of Jack being infected.

“We’ve lost him.” The Doctor said gravely. In any other situation, Ianto would have been riddled with uncontrollable laughter at the sight of the Doctor, his face deadly serious while his body made sharp, erratic dancing moves. But currently, with the first casualty of a seemingly inexplicable dancing plague having been taken, the Welshman couldn’t find it in himself to find the situation amusing.

“Oh god.”

“We need to get back to the Tardis before I get to that stage,” The Doctor instructed, indicating Jack’s non-responsive body. “I have the alien tech and I need to scan it. Where did Rose go?”

“We saw someone- I think they know something about what’s going on.” He elaborated, going on to explain the odd behavior of the boy and why Rose had followed him.

“Good on Rose, I’m sure she’ll have him in no time.” The Doctor nodded, grinning at her retreating form. “Right. Let’s get a move on.”

Ianto agreed, reaching across to put his arm around Jack and guide him back towards the street the Tardis had been parked. The Doctor walked in front (if you could describe his skipping legs as a ‘walk’) with Ianto following closely behind, practically dragging Jack as he continued to flail his limbs around.

“So you think it’s something to do with kissing?” The Doctor queried as they moved quickly through the crowds. He beat away the hand of a passing woman who was dancing solo to the music.

“It makes sense- that guy kisses Jack’s hand right before his feet started dancing, and you kissed Jack after that.” Ianto explained, breathing deeply with the effort of trying to keep Jack at bay. He almost dropped Jack when he felt his face inch closer to his neck, lips almost touching his ear. Ianto tried not to blush at the action, instead holding a hand to his forehead so that his mouth was pushed away from him. It would do them no good to get himself infected with the plague too.

Ianto didn’t think he had ever been happier to see the Tardis. They reached the door and he practically collapsed through the entrance to the ship, falling into a chair as he watched the Doctor run to the console. Jack was still dancing, and the Doctor wasn’t much better. For all their sakes, Ianto hoped the piece of alien technology they had found was worth it.

_ Two weeks earlier _

Iacques was home late that evening, Belassiz noted. As her only friend walked into the house they cohabited, she noted the three canvases in his arms that he had left the house with earlier in the day. His downcast expression was all she needed to know to get out of her chair and pull him into a hug. He responded, placing the canvases down by the door and melting into the embrace.

“No luck?” She asked him, pulling back and returning to the food she was almost finished preparing. It wasn’t much, but since she had started her new life on Earth she had been determined to master the art of cooking. Of course, there wasn’t much to work with compared to the advanced way of living she was used to on her planet, and yet the 16th Century Earth technology felt calming to her in a way her world had never done. And if it was something she could help do to pay Iacques back for his kindness, she was more than happy to help.

“None. Nobody looked twice at my paintings.” He said, depressed. She heard him thump into his chair, bringing a bowl of stew over for each of them and placing them down before she herself sat down.

“What can I do to help?”

He sighed. “You could make my painting worth something, for a change.” He replied sarcastically.

Belassiz clicked her fingers. “Done.”

“What?” Iacques nearly choked on the food in his mouth. He stared at her.

“Your painting of the night sky. Next time you take it to the market, someone will buy it for one thousand Francs.”

In the next moment, Iacques  _ did  _ choke on his food.

“One thousand Francs?” He squeaked. When Belassiz nodded, he closed his mouth, then opened it again. “Belassiz, you can’t  _ do  _ that!”

“What do you mean?” She asked, confused.

“You can’t just make my painting sell using your magic tricks!”

“Why not? You asked me to.”

He shook his head. “I was being sarcastic. I didn’t really mean that.”

“Oh. Well, it solves the money issue. And you deserve it- your paintings are beautiful and deserve to be sold for thousands of Francs.” She stated.

Iacques waited a minute before speaking, unsure how to proceed. “I can’t trick people into buying my work. It means nothing to me if people are forced to buy them. I couldn’t- I wouldn’t be able to- not  _ morally _ . It feels fake now.”

“I’m sorry,” Belassiz replied, trying not to let tears rise into her eyes. She had only been trying to help her friend, who had shown her so much kindness. “I can’t undo it now it’s done.”

Her shaky voice drew Iacques attention, and he reached across to put a hand on her cheek. “I know you were trying to help. I appreciate it. But I’ve told you before that you don’t need to repay me. Knowing you’re safe with me is enough of a blessing.”

She blinked quickly, feeling the intensity of the gaze they held. His meal forgotten, Iacques stood up and went to retrieve the painting of the night sky. Confusingly to Belassiz it wasn’t one of the ones he had taken to market, despite being one of his better works.

“Even if you hadn’t put value on this, I wouldn’t be taking it to market to sell,” He explained, setting it against the wall. “It means too much to me.”

“It’s a beautiful painting.”

He looked up at the girl who had fallen from the sky with hooded eyes. “It’s not as beautiful as the girl in the painting.”

Belassiz furrowed her nose in confusion, looking at the stars which he had painted. “The girl?”

“This was you, wasn’t it?” He asked, pointing to the streak of white light that he had painted on last. “I thought it was a shooting star at the time, but this was you falling to Earth. I drew it just before meeting you.”

She stared at the painting, now seeing the meaning behind the strokes. “But if that’s me in the painting, then the girl…?”

“Belassiz,” Iacques spoke gently, reaching across to hold her hand. “You are the prettiest girl I have ever met, and I am so thankful you fell into my life. I want to keep this painting to forever remind me of the night you changed my world.”

She stared at the raw emotion in his eyes, struck with a feeling unlike anything she had felt before. Her heart in her chest felt like it was about to fall out of her body, and it was all she could do to return the look Iacques was sending her way.

“It really is the most beautiful painting.”

_ Two weeks later _

“Ow!” The Doctor yelped, pulling his hand away from the console of the Tardis.

“What did you do?”

“Stopped the plague from spreading through my body. It’s Time Lord technology- I’d offer it to Jack but I think he’s pretty far gone already, and I don’t think the Tardis would react well to his human biology.” The Doctor explained, his serious tone betrayed by his body which was now doing some kind of Latin American footwork.

“Can you find out what the technology is?” Ianto asked, thankful to see the Doctor still had fairly good use of his arms.

“Yep. Need to find the- whatchamacallit- the temporal  _ thing-”  _ The Doctor said, breaking off into words Ianto couldn’t pretend to understand. After a few seconds which consisted of the Doctor reaching his body underneath the console, his head popped back out. “You keep an eye on Jack for now. Keep him busy.”

He sent Ianto an eyebrow waggle, and the Welshman rolled his eyes as the Doctor rehid under the console. Jack himself was currently dancing a dramatic one-man tango, his facial features pulled into a furious expression. Ianto tried not to laugh, regretting the fact that Rose had left with her phone as she knew better than him how to use the camera feature on it. Instead, he reached across to grab his arm and yank him in the direction of the kitchen. Coffee was definitely needed- if he was going to succeed in making him drink something he would need to bring his greatest weapon straight out, and the blend he had hidden for special occasions would be the best he had to offer.

Ianto went through the familiar motions of making coffee, routine enough that he made the mistake of letting his guard down. In hindsight, it probably would have been better for him to have kept one eye trained on Jack the whole time, rather than turn his back on the other.

A hand reached his shoulder, and none too gently whirled him around. Before he could react to the sight of Jack crowding far too close in his space, there were a familiar pair of lips on his and he lost all thought of dancing plagues and coffee. He let out a surprised gasp into the kiss, inadvertently opening his mouth and Jack pounced on the opportunity, deepening his movement as he explored Ianto’s mouth for the first time.

Crowded against the kitchen surface, Ianto couldn’t back away even if he wanted to- and his muddled brain  _ definitely  _ couldn’t produce a reason to move. He was overwhelmed with thoughts of Jack, his being overtaken by each miniscule movement of the man against him as his lips attacked his own, until-

He pushed Jack away, gasping for breath. He stared into the blank eyes in front of him, his thoughts finally catching up to him as he remembered their predicament, and how there was a  _ reason  _ he couldn’t let Jack kiss him, something important… And then his feet began to move.

“What- you-” Ianto said breathlessly, noticing the way Jack pulled him flush against him as he continued to dance. “Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaaaaa! For all those who wanted Jack and Ianto to kiss, I hoped you enjoyed this chapter!  
> Anyway, thanks for your comments on the first of the Dancing Plague episode! The conclusion comes out on Sunday, A Kiss to Break the Curse :)  
> As always, follow us on Tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	29. A Kiss to Break the Curse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Walks Into an Alien Rom-Com

“Hey!” Rose shouted, out of breath from her run through the town. She had finally caught up to the two figures in a dead end, the man from before stepping proudly in front of the woman as though to protect her. “I’m not gonna hurt you. I just want to know what’s going on.”

“I don’t know anything!” He replied defiantly, sticking his chin out.

“That’s why you ran away from me, then?”

He looked guiltily up at her. “You’re not from around here. Those clothes aren’t normal. What do you want with Belassiz?”

Rose frowned at the name. “Belassiz?”

The woman stepped to the side so that she could see Rose, but an arm stayed in front of her. Under different circumstances, she would find the guy's protective stance quite cute. “Please,” Belassiz spoke, her voice loud but trembling. “Have you come to take me back home?”

“What?”

“I don’t want to go back. I don’t care about the laws.  _ I’m not going back!” _ She all but screamed.

Rose took a step backwards, holding her hands out. “I’m not taking you anywhere, don’t worry. I’m here to help. Me and my friends got a distress signal, and we’re here to sort out the dancing problem. Only, two of them have caught the bug, so I’d really appreciate it if you could tell me what you know?”

The two looked guiltily at each other, having a silent conversation.

“I- you promise you’re here to help?” Belassiz asked, looking worried.

Rose nodded, holding out her hands as she walked forwards. “I promise. I just want to save my friends.”

“Then I should start from the beginning.” She decided, lacing her fingers with the boy’s in a gesture of comfort.

_ One week & one day earlier _

There was a party in the streets of Strasbourg. There were stalls selling goods, music playing in the center and a grand dance going on. Belassiz hadn’t mingled with other people since she had arrived on this planet, other than Iacques himself and the shopkeeper across the street who sold her food. At the noises from outside she had begged Iacques to go and join in with the fun, knowing with the festivities he would have no business with his own paintings. Feeling at ease with a good sale the day before, he had agreed and they had set off.

Belassiz had been enthralled the second she stepped out into the square. The smells and noises attacked her senses and despite being overwhelmed, she had wasted little time in joining in. They shared a glass of ale together and ate from a stall selling pies, watching the dancers ahead of them.

“I’ve always wanted someone to dance with,” Iacques commented, sending a not so subtle look at Belassiz. “My life has been lonely, and my parents never let us join in with these festivals.”

“You haven’t gone since you started living alone?” Belassiz asked.

“I went. But I’ve never danced before.” He shrugged and turned to look at his friend again. “I wish there was  _ someone  _ here who would dance with me...”

Belassiz smiled in response, not understanding his hints. It wouldn’t be too hard to make someone dance with him, after all- her magic could go a long way. She clicked her fingers. “Done.”

“Done?”

“Go up to one of those girls,” She told him, pointing at a group of girls who were looking longingly at the crowd themselves. Iacques turned around and noticed them for the first time. “If you give her a kiss, say on her hand, I promise you she won’t say no to a dance.”

Iacques waited for a moment, his heart dropping slightly. None of those girls were who he really wanted to dance with, but perhaps dancing wasn’t a thing where Belassiz was from. Or maybe she was just shy. He let out a sigh, thanking her and then walking over to the girls.

He reached for a hand, placing a kiss on one of the girl’s palms before he stood up. “May I have this dance?”

The girl giggled, her eyes glazing over as she took his offered arm and began to dance with the boy.

“Careful, Giselle,” A girl called out. “Be back here soon. You know we promised to see Mother this afternoon.”

The fact that the girl in his arms gave no response didn’t worry Iacques. It wasn’t until days afterwards, where the celebrations had still not dried up despite usually being over within the day, that he began to suspect something wasn’t right. And he sorely hoped it had nothing to do with what Belassiz had done.

_ One week & one day later _

“-and, nobody has stopped dancing since! But you have to believe me- I didn’t  _ mean  _ it! I didn’t mean for this to happen! I didn’t mean to kill that girl!” Belassiz cried, the soothing arm from Iacques calming her down as it rubbed her shoulders.

“I know you didn’t mean to, Bella.” He hushed, sending Rose a pleading look. “She really didn’t.”

“I know.” Rose answered reassuringly. “But can’t you just undo your magic?”

Belassiz shook her head. “I can’t. It was an instruction, and once I’ve been given an instruction I  _ can’t  _ go against it.”

“Then perhaps I should take you to see my friends,” Rose suggested, but backtracked when she saw the panicked look in the girl’s eyes. “They’re really nice, I promise they’re not going to hurt you. One of them- he’s an alien too- and he’s super intelligent. He’ll sort everything out, I promise.”

The two took a moment to decide. There was uncertainty in Iacques’ expression, but Belassiz overruled him and took a step towards Rose. “We’ll go. It’s my fault, and we should try to help you fix it.”

Rose smiled gratefully at the two of them, leading them back towards the original spot they had left the Tardis in. They walked through winding streets, back past the square of dancing humans and off one of the smaller side streets. The cobblestone was uneven under their feet but they continued on, only stopping when they saw a tall blue box. Almost as if he could sense their arrival, the Doctor poked his head out of the door and grinned at them. His limbs followed, moving wildly in an attempt at dancing but when he opened his mouth to speak it was clear he still had his wits about him.

“Ah, Rose! Perfect! Just who I wanted to see,” He said, not noticing the two people who trailed behind him. “I need your help with-”

He was broken off by two figures barging past him, dancing a lively foxtrot out into the street. Rose gasped as she caught sight of Ianto and Jack, caught up in each other's arms.  She reached out and grabbed them by the scruff of their necks, hoisting them back towards the Tardis. The Doctor helped her push them back into the ship, shutting the door quickly on them so that they were left inside.

“Ianto kissed one of you?” She asked, incredulous.

“It wasn’t me- but that’s not the point. They’re both infected and I’m not far off- there’s only so much the Tardis can keep at bay against strong magic. Talking of,” He said quickly, looking at the two young adults. “Which one of you is the Aarkatron?”

Belassiz held her hand up. “How do you know who I am?”

“Simple, you left your tech lying around.” He smiled. “Rookie mistake. Haven’t seen a Compact Universal Transporter for years- had to get my Tardis to identify it for me.” 

The girl looked guilty. “She didn’t know how she got here. She told me she didn’t know what that device was.” Iacques cut in from beside her.

“Oh, but we both know that’s a lie, don’t we?” The Doctor stared at the girl, not yet ready to trust her. She gasped.

“I-” She broke off, looking away from the confused and betrayed glare Iacques was sending her way. “You don’t know what it’s like. I couldn’t stay on that planet- I  _ had  _ to get away.”

“You told me it was an accident!” Iacques spoke, staring at her. “You came here on purpose? Was everything you’ve told me a lie?”

Her face filled with sorrow. Rose watched on, not wanting to interrupt and make the situation worse but was ready to do so if the Doctor took anything too far. From her brief interaction with Belassiz, she could sense that she had been honest in what she had told her, at least.

“I only lied to you about my planet and how I got here.” She reasoned. Iacques let out a short laugh.

“Oh, right. Only the _small_ things, then.”

“I’m shocked you managed to escape, in all honesty.” The Doctor interrupted. They turned to face him, watching in seriousness despite the hideous attempt at Irish dancing that his body was trying to do.

“What do you mean, escape? What’s he talking about, Belassiz?”

“I… The planet I come from. It’s not a good planet. My people, the Aarkatron, were invaded several hundred years ago, and now we live to serve. We are given orders by superiors and we carry them out- and there’s no way to go against them. It’s why I can’t stop what I’ve done here.” She admitted, turning to face Iacques once more. His eyes softened as he took in the broken look in her eyes, which were beginning to well. He reached to put a hand on her cheek in comfort. Despite her lies he  _ knew  _ she had never meant any harm to anybody, and would defend her in front of these people.

“Except you have gone against orders before, right Belassiz?” The Doctor asked. “You came here, on that transporter.”

“It was the hardest decision in my life.” She shot back. “And it took more effort than anything I have ever done before. I  _ can’t  _ change what I’ve done here.”

“Hey, come on. You  _ can  _ do this. Your life goal isn’t to serve.” Iacques comforted, trying to push every bit of meaning into her words.

“But you told me to do it,” She nearly sobbed. “How can I go against your order, when I care so much for you?”

His eyes widened at her words. “I’ve told you more times than I can count that you don’t owe me  _ anything.  _ We are equal to each other, and you don’t have to serve me in any way.”

“But all I’ve ever known is how to serve.”

“Belassiz,” He spoke, cupping her face now with both of his hands. “Somewhere between you falling from the sky and getting to here, I have fallen completely and utterly in love with you. You  _ are  _ my equal, and you owe me  _ nothing-  _ because I love you _.  _ And I know you can do this- you  _ can  _ fix this.”

As he finished his words, he tipped her head back and leant down, pulling her into a kiss that he had been dying to give her for weeks. He let all of his emotion play into the action, trying to tell her what words couldn’t explain. Belassiz tentatively pressed back against him, letting her own feelings join the mix as she moved her arms to wrap around his waist. Everything felt so easy all of a sudden.

It took the Doctor half a minute to realise that his body had entirely stopped moving. He grinned. “Rose!” He called, catching her attention and indicating his still body.

“A true love’s kiss saved the day.” She smiled, watching on as the pair finally broke apart and stood still, pausing with their foreheads pressed together.

“It’s almost too cliché.” The Doctor muttered, and at the same time the doors behind him slammed open. This time Jack and Ianto made their way quickly out of the Tardis, bodies no longer dancing but walking normally, albeit a good few feet further apart than usual.

“What the hell’s going on?” Jack demanded loudly, breaking the happy couple apart.

“And there we go. Perfect moment ruined.” Rose joked, joining in with Belassiz and Iacques when they began to laugh.

The Doctor stared at the two. “Course, I know the Compact Universal Transporter is broken, but I was going to offer you a one way trip back home, if you did want to get back.”

Belassiz smiled at Iacques, her arms still wrapped around him. “I think I know where my home is now.”

“Did I walk in on some crazy alien rom-com or something?” Ianto asked, his hands on his hips as he stared at the scene in confusion.

Rose laughed and pulled him back towards the Tardis. “Come on, I’ll explain inside. We have some  _ catching up _ to do.” She said, staring very obviously between Ianto and Jack.

“Oh God.” Ianto murmured as he let himself be dragged into the Tardis, and prepared himself for an utterly intense interrogation.

It was later on in the day, once Ianto had finished his last mug of coffee and stepped into the privacy of his room, that he heard the knock on his door. He became immediately thankful that he hadn’t yet got changed for bed when he opened the door and saw Jack, still in the same infuriatingly good-looking blue shirt he had worn all day. Their eyes locked for a moment.

“Jack.”

“Ianto.”

“Are you okay?” Ianto asked, the way Jack was standing indicating something was up with him. He wasn’t used to seeing the ex-Time Agent stand like this, his emotions swelling to the surface without much care to hide them. His Jack was all too careful about which emotions he allowed anyone else to see- especially Ianto, and anything concerning their so-called ‘relationship’.

“I’m…” Jack said, looking past Ianto. “Can I come in?”

“Course,” Ianto answered, walking back and opening the door for his friend to walk through. Ianto sat on the side of the bed, that being the only place to sit in his unfurnitured room, and was surprised to not hear a sarcastic quip about sharing the same bed from Jack. He did, however, get a warm hand placed carefully on his knee, the action soft, as if the man was scared of pushing Ianto.

“I wanted to apologise for my actions today.” He said, sounding as if he had rehearsed the words, which Ianto assumed he probably had done.

“Apologise?” He asked, shocked by the easy (if not unnecessary) apology. It was difficult  _ not  _ to make parallels between his Jack and the Jack currently sat next to him, as the stark contrast between them was hard to ignore.

“Yeah. I took advantage of you earlier today.”

“It’s not your fault,” Ianto reasoned. “You were acting because of the dancing plague.”

“I still feel terrible about it, though.” Jack answered honestly, refusing to meet Ianto’s eyes.

Ianto let out a surprised laugh, but immediately backtracked when he caught sight of Jack’s hurt expression. “I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting you to feel bad. You’ve been flirting with me since we met- I expected you to be happy.”

Jack’s frown increased. “I know what impression I give off, but there’s a difference between flirting and acting on it. I did hope that you understood that.”

Ianto’s breath caught in his throat. “I’m sorry for assuming, in that case. I’m grateful for the apology, despite the fact that I still think you have no reason to be sorry.”

He was happy to see Jack’s face morph into a smile, the blue of his eyes returning. “Well, I’m glad you listened and know that I feel bad, anyway,” He said honestly, and then the usual mischievous smirk returned. “I should probably get off your bed, unless you wanted to…?”

“And that’s more like that Jack I know,” Ianto laughed, grateful for the break in the tension between the two of them. He reached across and gave Jack a shove. “Off.”

Jack stood up to leave, but turned around after a minute of contemplation. His eyes seemed to bore directly into Ianto’s soul.

“What are you afraid of?”

Ianto jerked back as if struck.  _ What was he afraid of?  _ “Afraid?”

“There’s got to be some reason you’re holding back. I don’t care what you say to yourself, what happened earlier today felt  _ right _ .” He paused to stare at Ianto, who was still silent. “I know it wasn’t under the right circumstances, and I’m still sorry for that, but I _wouldn’t_ be sorry if I kissed you again.”

Ianto tried (and failed) not to blush. “I…”

“Is it your boyfriend?”

“We’re not boyfriends.” Ianto quickly responded.

Jack lifted his hands up. “You’re proving my point!” He put one hand on his hip and let the other fall to his side, his body language a mess that Ianto couldn’t interpret. “I thought the 21st Century was over the whole ‘gay’ debate.”

“We are, just about. It’s not that.” Ianto managed to reply, still frozen in position. His mind was racing. What  _ was  _ he afraid of? With everything that had happened up to this point, there was no way he could blame his fear of changing his own timeline for his actions anymore, and no longer could he pretend  _ this  _ Jack was too different to his own to fall for. He doubted either version of Jack would see it as cheating, if he explained the full situation to them both.

“Then what is it, Ianto?” Jack asked him. “It’s pretty obvious where I stand on this. And I’m okay with waiting, because I know this all means a lot to you, but if you could just let me know what it is I’m waiting for _ - _ ”

At this point, Jack broke off. He stared resolutely at a point on the wall past Ianto’s head, and if he didn’t know better the Welshman would have suspected there were tears pricking his eyes.

“Jack, I… I don’t know what to say.” He muttered.

“It’s fine, I’m sorry. Let’s forget I said anything, okay?”

“No!” Ianto all but shouted, standing up to face Jack. “I had no idea you felt like that. I thought most of it was all jokes, to be honest.”

Jack let out a bitter laugh. “Right. Okay. Here’s a tip for next time, Harkness. If the guy you’re into doesn’t respond to your flirting, it’s probably best to drop it and move on.”

“No!” Ianto shouted once again, his eyes filling with concern. He reached out a hand and let it rest on Jack’s arm. “I didn’t mean that. Not like that.”

“It’s fine Ianto, I’m old enough to accept rejection when it’s handed to me. I shouldn’t have pushed- you’ve told me there’s someone back home, and I should’ve respected-”

Ianto cut him off in the only way he knew how. He put a hand around Jack’s neck and pulled their mouths together, a little too enthusiastically given the way their teeth clashed, but he couldn’t find it in him to care. He felt Jack stiffen, the words caught in his throat, before he eagerly responded, opening his mouth to allow Ianto to deepen the kiss if he wanted to. And as much as Ianto did want to deepen it, and keep deepening the hole he was quickly falling down with Jack, he knew he had to pull away before he ended up pulling them both into his bed.

Jack practically whined as Ianto retreated, snapping his mouth shut when he registered that the noise was coming from him. They stood, faces close and eyes closed for as long as they could stand.

“Well, that’s one way to tell me what it is I’m waiting for.” Jack spoke, his eyes catching onto Ianto’s.

“I’m sorry. I just need some time.” Ianto said honestly. “I need to get things straight in my head.”

Jack smiled genuinely at him. “I understand. Please, take all the time you need.” Jack swallowed. “Well- I’d prefer to not have to wait  _ years,  _ but if you really need to…”

“Shut up,” Ianto grinned, his knees feeling weak all of a sudden as the rush of emotions left him.

Jack sighed, taking his hands away from where they were still resting on Ianto’s body. “I should go, my body’s quite tired after a day of dancing.”

“God, I can imagine. I’m hurting and I was only dancing for less than half an hour.” Ianto sympathised, trying not to think about the way his heart twinged as Jack pulled away.

Jack let out a laugh. “Goodnight, Ianto.”

Just before he closed the door, Ianto suddenly opened his mouth once more. “Jack?”

“Yeah?” The man replied, his head sticking back through the door with an almost hopeful expression on it.

“Thank you. Really.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I'm congratulating myself for actually understanding a reference Lauren made in today's Zoom call.  
> Second off, to all the people who wanted to see Another Jack and Ianto kiss, I hope you liked this episode!  
> This concludes the Dancing Plague week, and I'm low-key really sad to say goodbye to Belassiz and Iacques because I love them both so much. But, next week we continue with my (Remi's) original episodes, with A Live Exhibition, out on Wednesday!  
> Thank you for the comments and kudos (pleaseeeeeeee do comment!!!!), and as ever you can find us on Tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	30. A Live Exhibition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto's Past Crimes Come Back to Haunt Him

Ianto eyed Rose tensely, taking stock of her exact expression and the furrows of her brow. She responded by quirking an eyebrow, keeping her face impassive yet serious. He settled his glare, mind racing to decide whether or not to act. A trickle of sweat dripped down his brow, but he refused to wipe it as he couldn’t let his weakness show. From his right he heard the Doctor hum lowly, as if impatient to get on with the action, and with the distraction he saw Rose’s facade slip just a fraction of an amount enough for her nerves to show, and like a tiger he pounced.

“Cheat!” He cried, immediately feeling frustration wash over him as he saw Rose break out into a grin too wide for her face. She reached across and turned over the top two cards, revealing a two of diamonds followed by a two of clubs. Ianto groaned, reaching over to pick up the large pile of cards in the center of the table the three of them were sat at.

“Tricked by the double bluff.” The Doctor laughed, sending a cheeky grin over at Rose.

“Actually, it was a triple bluff,” She pointed out, allowing herself to bask in the glory of fooling Ianto, who was usually so meticulous and accurate when playing cheats. “I wanted him to think I was  _ pretending  _ to pretend to pretend I was cheating.”

“Yeah yeah, well done,” He muttered, noticing just how large his pile of cards now was compared to the other piles in front of his friends at the table. He spent enough time sorting through his cards, only placing four of them down when he was sure the pile was organised once more. “Four queens.”

“Cheat.” Rose called, and Ianto scooped up the three queens and an ace he had put down.

“Fine. Four queens.” He repeated, placing a different four cards down this time.

“Cheat.” The Doctor grinned, watching and laughing as Ianto returned back to square one.

_ “Four queens.”  _ He said again, looking challengingly between his two opponents. For a few seconds they were all silent, eyes focused on Ianto’s poker face.

“Cheat!” Came a voice from the other side of the room, close to the doorway. Ianto spun round to catch sight of Jack, his hair ruffled and unkempt from sleep. He was thankful to see that he was fully clothed this particular morning, the Doctor’s caution on the state of undress in the main areas of the Tardis having not fallen upon deaf ears.

“Fuck you.” Ianto shot at him, reaching across the table to slam the rest of his cards down. “I give up. You guys win.”

Rose let out a whoop of joy and collected the small pile of coins Ianto had laid down at the beginning of their game as temporary gambling chips. They rarely had a use for the spare change Ianto always kept in his pocket when traversing space, but the copper coins had proved excellent for a game of poker. Jack waltzed over, putting a hand on Ianto’s shoulder as he surveyed the scene. The Welshman tried not to jolt at the electric feeling which passed through him upon contact with Jack. He fished around in his pocket for more coins, dragging out a pile of various different items. Rose frowned at them.

“Hair ties?” She questioned.

“My co-workers always forgot to carry spares. You didn’t want to be chasing a Weevil at midnight with your hair distracting you from their snarling jaws.” He explained.

“And the nail clippers?”

“In case you break a nail?” He said, confused as he thought that would be obvious.

“Oh, I’ve seen one of these before!” Jack said, excited as he picked up a small metal object. “There was one in an old human museum on my home planet.” He twiddled the item around his finger. “Never found out what it was. I thought it could be some kind of sex toy.”

Ianto nearly choked as he and Rose broke out into peals of laughter. “It’s a bottle opener.” Rose explained.

“Oh,” He replied, confused. “You mean you have to open bottles yourselves?”

“Yup,” Ianto answered, snatching the item back off Jack. “I’ll take that before you do anything incongruous with it.”

Jack somehow managed to both pout in disappointment and wiggle his eyebrows at the same time, a look which should have looked stupid if it wasn’t on his specific face.

“Did you say ‘human museum’?” Rose asked him once he had reset his face back to normal.

“Yeah, there was a small one in the capital. It was crap enough that I only visited it once.”

“Could we go?” She asked, turning her doe eyes between Jack and the Doctor. “It would be a right laugh- we could see how inaccurate their records are, for a start.”

The Doctor looked unconvinced, and Jack even more so. “I wasn’t kidding when I said it was crap.” Jack replied. “It’s tiny, and I’m pretty sure it got closed down some time after I left home.”

“Plus, it wouldn't be good for you to see your own future." The Doctor added, scooping up the remaining cards and beginning to shuffle them.

"Oh come on, we could just skip the 21st Century bits." Rose begged, looking at the Doctor with pleading eyes. Ianto rolled his eyes as he saw the Doctor's resolve crumble slightly.

"Well, if you promise to be careful…" He gave in, smiling when Rose broke out into another wide grin. "But we won't be going to a rubbish 51st Century museum. I know just the place."

He stood up and walked out of the room, headed to the central control area of the Tardis. The others were quick on his heels.

_ ‘Welcome to the most extensive collection of human memorabilia this side of the universe!’ _

Ianto read the blinking neon sign on top of the entrance to a large building, looking around the area they were standing in. There was a green garden area, where the Tardis he had just vacated was parked, and then the ground seemed to simply stop.

“An asteroid museum?” Jack asked the Doctor, also surveying their surroundings.

“Purpose built for the one job it holds- it’s the latest fashion by the 70th Century. And by my watch, I make it,” He explained, looking at his wrist. “The year 7240. Why bog a museum down to one planet when you can chuck a few teleportation pads here and there and have people arriving from all corners of the galaxy?”

Ianto watched as a tall, blue family appeared in mid-air, each sporting three legs and too many arm-like limbs to count. The smallest sat on top of one of the taller one’s head, shrieking and babbling indistinguishable words from the distance they were standing away. 

“Huh.” He muttered, letting the scene sink in.

“This is so cool!” Rose exclaimed, linking her arm through the Doctor’s as they began to make their way towards the large doors on the front of the building. “When you offered me all of time and space, this is  _ exactly  _ what I wanted to see. No alien invasions in London, or overheated parasitic-host space stations.”

“I thought you liked the danger?” The Doctor asked jovially.

She rolled her eyes. “Of course I do, you know that. Still, it’s fun to relax every once in a while, right?”

“Too right.” Ianto agreed, opening the door and holding it for the rest of the group to walk through.

The foyer they found themselves in reminded Ianto of a typical London museum. One of the things that he and Lisa had bonded over was their love for museums, and living in the capital city had provided ample date material for them to utilise. Whilst Lisa had been a fan of the arts over history, they had compromised by taking turns choosing which museum to visit. Despite his disinterest of art, Ianto had been more than happy to indulge his girlfriend and had been enthralled by her reaction rather than the art itself. His thoughts turned to wondering if Jack was interested in museums at all, but then the realisation came to him that he was currently visiting a museum with Jack, so would find out soon enough.

They made their way across the foyer to the small information desk, which also bore another neon sign, this time showing ‘Admissions’ in pink rather than the garish yellow outside.

“What’s the deal with the neon?” Rose hissed at Ianto as they got close enough to the desk.

“An old Earth classic?” He suggested, catching her twinkling eye.

“God help us if neon signs are what survived of our planet.”

A cough from behind the desk drew their attention. “How may I help you?”

The man who spoke was short and stout, donning a bit of white fluff on his head which barely constituted hair (in Ianto’s opinion). His spectacles reflected the pink flashing light despite being pushed far down his prolonged nose, but sat above a warm, welcoming smile. On top of his brown cardigan there was a name tag pinned on, saying the words ‘Hello, my name is Herb!’

“Good morning...” Jack said, peering closer at the nametag. “Herb?”

“Good morning, indeed,” He replied, his voice squeaky. “Not many people recognise my name.”

“Oh?” Jack asked, feeling like he was falling into the exact conversation the man wanted to have.

“You may not know, but ‘erb is a very old, traditional Earth name.” He explained, tapping his nose knowledgeably as he introduced himself with a distinct American accent. Ianto choked on a laugh, purposefully moving his head so that he couldn’t match eyes with Rose who looked to be hiding her own laughter. “-originally from the Dim Ages, though not many people are aware of that name, or period of history.”

“Err, right.” Jack replied, feeling out of depth for once in a conversation. 

“It’s a brilliant name,” Rose offered as she took over the conversation. Herb practically beamed at her.

“Thank you, Miss. Now, did you want access to the museum?” He asked, and Rose nodded in response. “That’ll be five universal credits per person, seven if you want the guided tour.”

“Oh, um-” Rose broke off, looking between her friends. “I don’t think-”

Ianto fished in his trouser pocket, pulling out two copper coins. He placed them on the table in front of the older man. “Will this suffice?”

Herb audibly gasped. “Is that a copper two-pence?” He asked, pulling the larger coin closer. He pushed his spectacles closer to his eyes, bending down to regard the money. “Oh my- the year one thousand nine hundred and ninety five? Don’t tell me this is an old Earth relic?”

Ianto nodded. “It is. And the one pence too.”

Looking bright cherry- red with excitement, Herb clutched the penny in his hand. “My dear, this will be more than enough to get you access to any part of the museum. If you’re sure about parting with the treasure..?” He looked hopefully up at Ianto.

“I have spares.” He shrugged. 

“Ianto’s a bit of a collector himself.” Jack added, pinching Ianto lightly.

“A fellow Earth enthusiast?” Herb said knowingly, fixing Ianto with a look filled with sparkling eyes.

“Er, yes,” He lied. “But only up until the turn of the twenty-first century.”

“Before first contact,” He nodded. “That’s my favourite area too!”

“Barely know anything past that.” He continued, hoping his knowledge wouldn’t need to be tested further.

“Quite right, too. The purity of humanity was lost the moment they made first contact with other species.”

Ianto nodded, looking at his friends for help. They seemed amused and very unwilling to help him in his conversation (and Jack in particular looked like he wanted to burst out laughing.) Ianto turned back to Herb.

“In that case, we’ll take four admissions.” He smiled, trying to hurry along the conversation.

“No, I insist on you joining the hourly guided tour. I will be leading, and I’d love to continue our discussion through the museum.” He implored.

“We’ll join you!” Rose decided, cutting in before Ianto could resist.

“Ianto would just  _ love  _ that, I’m sure!” The Doctor grinned, putting an arm around the Welshman. “Wouldn’t you, Ianto?”

Ianto shot the Time Lord a filthy look, before he forced a smile on his face as he looked back at Herb. “I’d like nothing less.”

Herb clapped his hands. “Excellent! The tour starts in five minutes- you’re lucky. If you want any additional guidebooks, or information-”

“What’s this?” Jack asked, picking up an almost holographic device. On the top there was a cartoonish drawing of a teddy bear.

Herb paused. “That’s the child’s tour.”

Jack’s face lit up. “Oh! What’s it got?”

“Hidden around the museum are 10 old Earth bears, little fluffy things. It keeps kids entertained to hunt for them.” He explained reluctantly.

“Well, better get one for Jack if it’ll keep him entertained.” Rose muttered so that only Ianto could hear.

“And at the end, if you find all of them, you can swap the completed task in for a sticker.”

The grin Jack was suddenly wearing was nearly dazzling enough to blind Ianto. “In that case, I’ll take it!”

Herb allowed him to take it, and they slowly began to walk towards the waiting area for the guided tours. Ianto read the child’s information screen over Jack’s shoulder as they moved.

“You’re not in the age range of three to eleven, Jack, and you aren’t being supervised by your Mum and/or Dad either.” He pointed out as he read the text at the top.

Jack fixed him with a shit-eating grin. “You could be my Daddy if you wanted.”

Ianto glared daggers at him. “You’ll get a smack if you don’t shut up.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep!” Jack teased, only going quiet when Herb joined the group of waiting tourists to begin the tour. Standing around, Ianto could count near to twenty people, depending on whether or not you counted the short man with two heads as a singular person or two. When Herb reached the front of the group, the four of them found themselves unable to see his short body as their view was blocked by the taller crowd. His voice, however, carried far across the hall as if amplified.

“Humanity is one of the Universe’s greatest creations. Over four billion years ago, the small planet Earth was formed when…” He began, giving a lengthy explanation about the old history of planet Earth which Ianto found himself soon tuning out.

“Ianto!” Jack hissed under his breath quietly as Herb continued to talk.

“What?” He replied just as quietly.

“Can you see a teddy in here? Sheet says there’s one in the Foyer.”

Ianto raised his eyebrow at him, clearly unimpressed, but Jack gave him a pleading look and he relented, scanning his eyes across the large room in search of the sodding kids toy. 

After two minutes of concentration, he finally spotted a small brown teddy on top of a shelf by the information desk. “Got it.”

From beside him, Jack beamed. “Awesome! What colour is its hat?” 

Ianto promptly informed him that it was red. “Thanks!” Jack said, leaning over to quickly plant a kiss on Ianto’s cheek, before he turned back and tapped something into the holographic device. It took him three seconds to look up and make the connection between Ianto’s bright red face and what he had just done, and then his mouth dropped and his eyes widened.

“Sorry!” He blurted out, a lot louder than the quiet whispers of before. “I didn’t mean to- I know you said-”

“Shhh!” Ianto hissed, seeing the glare a father of two was sending them at their raised voices. 

“It wasn’t meant to be like-” Jack continued at a fraction of the volume.

“It’s fine.” Ianto snapped quickly back, looking everywhere than at Jack. He paused and then repeated his words, slower. “It’s fine.”

“Are we all ready to move to the pre-second millennium floor?” Herb cut in, staring across the crowd. His eyes paused over the four time travellers, as if the question was specifically aimed at them. Ianto felt like a school child who was being told off for speaking over the teacher.

After a lengthy and vaguely inaccurate introduction to the pre-1000 AD floor, their tour guide told them that they could explore the exhibit themselves and to return to him when they were finished, or if they had any questions they wanted answering. Ianto had immediately dragged his friends away from Herb, intent on walking to the furthest possible part of the floor to avoid the historical conversation he would be inundated with when the guide caught up to them. They pushed through the large double doors, but immediately stopped short.

“Dippy?” Ianto exclaimed, looking straight forwards at the main display. A skeleton stretched, suspended in the air in all its majestic glory, and for a second time that morning Ianto was thrust back into memories of exploring London together. It was over 5000 years after the day he had first set eyes on the dinosaur skeleton, with Lisa by his side in their second official museum date (as, ever the gentleman, Ianto had insisted they visited her favourite art gallery before he chose a history museum). And despite the time difference, the bones didn’t appear to be any more worn down than the last time he had looked upon the impressive skeleton.

“Dippy?” Jack asked, frowning at Ianto.

“Dippy the Diplodocus!” Rose said, turning to see a mirrored look of excitement on Ianto’s face before she grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the display. “I can’t believe he survived this long!”

“Oh, you are magnificent,” The Doctor praised as he followed the two of them closer. “I thought you were destroyed in the Attack of 2519.”

He peered down to look at the information plaque that hung in midair and lost himself in reading up on the history of the dinosaur.

“You know, I’ve eaten dinosaur before.” Jack said conversationally, enjoying the horrified look Rose gave him at the admission.

“Why?” Rose asked, her mouth open.

“Had to. Only source of pre-killed food protein after the asteroid crashed.”

From beside him Ianto made an odd noise, as if he was choking on words he wasn’t able to say. His face didn’t, however, look particularly surprised, which was either a testament to his belief in Jack or something else entirely.

“Dinosaur grub aside, I can’t believe it’s in this good condition.” Ianto said, admiring it’s cleanliness. The Doctor seemed to hear his words as he pulled away from the information he was reading.

“That’s because it was stuck in a Time Lock,” He explained. “First thing of that size to be tested on planet Earth, but at the time with the threat of an alien invasion hanging over them the scientists must have miscalculated. It was only recovered twenty years ago!”

“That’s absolutely correct,” A voice spoke from behind him, and Ianto mentally groaned as he realised that he had allowed himself to be distracted from trying to evade Herb. “Dippy is one of only two surviving dinosaur relics- the others being a pterodactyl which somehow ended up dying in the twenty-first century. Though  _ she  _ resides on the other side of the Universe.”

Ianto blinked quickly, memories of Cardiff and the Hub attacking his mind. “Actually, she’s a pteranodon.” He spoke. Herb gave him a particularly quizzical look.

“I’m sorry?”

“She wasn’t a pterodactyl, she was a pteranodon. Close, but ultimately different species.”

“You really must be quite the historian, if you travelled that far to visit her.” Herb said, looking impressed. “How long ago did you visit? I was sure the exhibit claimed her as a pterodactyl last time I went, though that was many years ago now.”

“Err…” Ianto stammered. He looked around for his friends to help, but saw that they had wondered further away and were headed towards the doors to the next room. As if sensing the eyes on his back, Jack turned around.

“Ianto, come on!” He shouted, waving him over.

“I apologise, I should get back to my friends.” He told Herb, practically running away before he could say anything else.

By the time he had caught up with them in the next room, Rose was inspecting some Roman mosaics on a display.

“You guys looked pretty cozy,” Jack said, knocking their shoulders together. “What were you discussing?”

“Pteranodons.” He replied grumpily, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Jack looked nonplussed. “Is that a code word for something? Should I be worried?” He teased.

“Oh yeah, get worried about that short old man stealing me away from you.” He dead-panned.

Thirty minutes later, having stared for long enough at various pieces of Egyptian sarcophagi and old pieces of pottery, they returned to Herb, after Ianto ensured that they were the last to return to avoid being dragged into more awkward conversation. Jack was happy to go along with the plan, as he had needed the extra time to find the teddy hidden in this section of the museum for his kids' trail.

“I thought this place was gonna be a bit more futuristic,” Rose said to Ianto as they followed the tour up to the next floor. “Other than the holographic information sheets, that was just like a museum from our time!”

Ianto laughed. “And the giant dinosaur is something we’ve both already seen in the twenty-first century.”

“Next floor is gonna be-” Rose said, turning the map she was holding around. “-the entirety of the second millennium, stopping at 2000.”

“I wonder which items will have survived to the 73rd Century?” He asked her, raising an eyebrow. “I reckon they’ll have a Tamagotchi.”

Rose sniggered. “I’d bet you anything there’s a Nokia brick.”

"That's not a fair bet," He pointed out. "Nokia bricks survive everything."

Rose linked her arm through his, pulling them straight over to the room on the right which bore the sign "The 2nd Millenium". Stepping into the room, they saw it was at least as large as the entire floor below- and that hadn't been particularly small either. Glass cabinets around the border of the room seemed to follow a timeline which was hanging in the air above them, showing smaller items on display. Ianto frowned.

"What's up?" Rose asked him, feeling his arm tense against her own.

"Oh, it's nothing." He quickly insisted, changing his expression. However, as Rose's eyebrow stayed raised he gave up and opened his mouth again. "It's only the timeline. It's anticlockwise."

Rose snorted noisily. "I'm sorry," she apologised as he pouted at her. "You just looked so offended, as if the timeline was personally attacking you."

"It is." He muttered, but cracked a smile and brought them to the start of the display.

“Oh, marvelous!” The Doctor crowed as he pressed his hands up against the glass. He was looking at an old painting, dated from the twelfth century and called ‘The Life of King Edward the Confessor’. Ianto frowned and read the information next to it, telling them that it depicted the Battle of Stamford Bridge. “I was there, you know. Back when I was a lot younger than I am now. Something about a neutron bomb…”

Ianto let him mumble to himself, wondering how much of the history in this room the Doctor had either seen or been the cause of. They moved quickly through the older exhibits, wanting to get to the late 1900s to see what the museum would have to say of the time period he grew up in.

“Ianto look!” Rose pointed to the van on the far side of the exhibit, just next to the doorway to the stairs up to the 3rd millennium room. It was an old plumbing van, the right door missing. A holographic sign hung next to it, proudly declaring for people to “Come right up and sit in a real, working, 20th century van!”

“Looks just like the one you hotwired back in London.” She bounded over, leaving the boys to trail behind. 

The Doctor smiled wryly. “Except this one doesn’t have BBC blazoned on the side.”

“You hotwired a news van?” Jack’s eyebrows shot up, looking at Ianto with an incredulous grin. “No way.”

“On live telly too, whole country was watching.” Rose grinned. “Got the Doctor to record it.”

Ianto rolled his eyes. He hadn’t enjoyed the night that Rose and the Doctor had watched that footage of him jumping into a van with one shoe and careening down the road; he had wondered who paid for the Downing Street post box he’d knocked over. “I didn’t need to hot wire it, the keys were inside.” He paused. “So  _ technically _ , I only stole a BBC van.” 

Rose huffed. “You really know how to ruin a good story.”

Ianto frowned. “All I was doing was telling the truth.”

The Doctor had wandered off by this point, too used to Rose and Ianto’s sibling-like bickering to pay much attention. Jack had started poking around the van, settling into the driver’s side. He put his hands on the wheel like he was a kid pretending to drive then interrupted their squabble.

“Could you though?”

“Could I what?” Ianto asked.

“Hot wire a car.”

Ianto nodded. “If I had to. I’ve done it before.”

“Prove it.” Jack’s eyes held a challenge, one Ianto wouldn’t back down from.

“Okay.” He pushed Jack’s shoulder lightly. “Budge over.” Ianto unbuttoned his jacket and slipped into the driver’s seat as Jack slid across to the passenger side of the van’s cab. He was still close enough that Ianto could feel Jack’s body heat against his arm. He pulled a screwdriver from his jacket pocket.

Jack frowned. “Isn’t that..?”

“Doctor won’t let me have a gun and my stun gun’s out of battery.” Ianto explained. “Figured he’d be a hypocrite to complain about me carrying a screwdriver.” He glanced over Rose’s shoulder at Herb, who was chatting to another group on the tour. “Rose, could you move a bit closer?”

Rose followed his line of sight before grinning mischievously and moving so that Ianto and Jack were blocked from Herb’s view. 

“Okay, first you jam the screwdriver into the ignition with a good whack.” Ianto mimed the action for Jack. “Any car, van, truck, made before 1995 should start just from turning that. If not…” He slipped the screwdriver into a crack in the plastic casing under the steering wheel. “And I think this van is from ‘98.” A sharp twist and a grunt and the casing popped off into Ianto’s lap. “You get to play with the wires.” He shot Jack a smirk before putting the screwdriver onto the dash. He then took out a battered old swiss army knife from his inner breast pocket. Flicking up the knife, Ianto slid down lower into the footwell so he could see the wires. 

Jack leant down too, chin nearly resting on Ianto’s shoulder. “What now?”

“Okay so these two red wires are the power wires. You cut both of those, strip the ends,” he mimed all the actions as he explained them, knife edge pressed against the wires just gently enough that it wouldn’t cut, “twist them together– do it with your shoe sole unless you want to die from an electric shock. Then cut this brown one, strip it, tap it –only for a second– against the exposed power wires and…” He sat back up in the seat, hand resting on the top of the wheel and other arm on the back of the bench behind Jack. “Voila. Ready to drive.”

“And you know this because..?”

“I know everything.” Ianto winked.

“Excuse me, what are you  _ doing _ ?” Herb’s voice came from far closer than any of them had realised he was. Ianto jumped, slamming the plastic casing back over the wires. The bump caused the screwdriver to slip off the dashboard into the footwell by Ianto’s feet.

“Just, err-” Ianto stuttered, jumping out of the car and closing the door. Jack came to join him from the other side.

“We were just admiring the intricacies of twentieth century human technology.” Jack said, flashing a charming grin at the guide. 

“Right,” Herb nodded, not looking fully convinced. “If you wouldn’t mind stepping away from the exhibit, we’re ready to move on to the next floor.”

“Yep.” Ianto said, looking at his shoes which suddenly seemed highly interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!!  
> If anybody got a single reference to Classic Who/extended media then full credit to you lol! Enjoy this chapter of fluff before the plot picks back up again :)  
> Thank you all for all of your lovely comments, as ever! We are both taking part in the Torchwood Bingo Challenge, so will have other content (fic and art) coming your way on our A03s and Tumblrs (which you can find, as ever, @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez)  
> Next chapter is coming on Friday, called Personal History - I'm excited to hear your reactions to that chapter (as well as this one and all the other chapters ever)


	31. Personal History

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Finds Out He Is a Historical Figure

“The first three rooms on the third millennium floor are solely designated to the twenty-first century,” Herb explained to his troupe of tourists who followed him up the staircase. “It's one of the most important periods of history for the human race.”

“Close your ears.” The Doctor instructed Rose and Ianto, putting his hands over Rose’s head and causing her to swat at them. Ianto tried to tune the voice out as he surreptitiously moved away from Jack, confident that if given the opportunity he too would follow the Doctor’s example and try to get his hands around his head. The top of the stairs led to two large white doors, which in turn led to a vast room none too dissimilar to the floor underneath. However, unlike that floor this one bore no timeline along its border and instead just had various pieces of history in display cases in front of them. They hung back as the others walked through, remembering their promise to the Doctor earlier on in the day when talking about their own immediate future.

“Tell me again why we can’t go in?” Rose whined, pouting up at the Time Lord. Ianto was surprised to see her look not work on him for once.

“Because you can’t know about your immediate future. What happens if you find out there’s an alien invasion set to destroy your house? Or if one of your friends becomes the next prime minister? Or, you could find out that you’re meant to die in the year 2010!” He pointed out, glaring at her. She relented, nodding as she disliked, but understood his point.

“Well, I need to find my teddy for this floor.” Jack said petulant, which in turn started a long discussion into whether he was allowed to visit the floor while the rest of them stayed outside.

Ianto allowed himself to be distracted by something he suddenly saw and found highly familiar. Whilst the argument went on around him, he focused on the first item in the room, hanging on the wall on the left. It was largely unnoticed by the others on the floor, including their own tour which had left them behind and gone on further into the museum. Ianto took a step closer, looking at the book and deciding that, despite being slightly more battered than he last remembered it, the book in front of him was familiar for a particular reason. This was  _ his  _ journal, he realised with a jolt. He peered closer until he could read the writing beside the black journal.

_ ‘A diary from the early twenty-first century depicting the life of one of the ancient operatives of the Torchwood Institute while it was still working as a secret organisation. However, we believe this operative descended into madness from the stress of what he saw working for them, as the author started writing non-sequential dates and telling of places humans would not be able to travel to for many centuries. The abrupt end to the diary suggests he either lost it or died unexpectedly.’ _

Ianto reeled back, hitting Jack’s arm as he did so.

“Woah there, what’s got your knickers in a twist?” Jack asked, seeing the gobsmacked expression on Ianto’s face.

“That’s mine!” He breathed, pointing to the journal. Jack frowned.

“Yours?”

“It’s my journal,” He elaborated, moving forwards with Jack as he looked closer. The Doctor and Rose also stopped their conversation, turning to look curiously at the book on the wall. “I’m going to die?”

“Well, we all die eventually, Ianto.” The Doctor pointed out jovially, which did nothing to calm Ianto’s nerves.

“But this is my  _ current  _ diary. I’m gonna die soon!” He said, grateful for the hand Jack placed on his arm to try to calm him down.

“It says you might’ve lost it.” Rose pointed out, having read the same inscription on the wall.

“I’ve never lost a journal in my life.” Ianto pointed out.

“You’ve never travelled through time and space with an erratic, clumsy driver before either.” She pointed out, causing the Doctor to let out a startled, offended noise.

Ianto took a breath. He supposed she had a point. Chances are he would lose it in some sudden adventure they were thrown into in a month's time, forgetting about the book as he raced to save the day on some alien planet.

“Maybe I leave it behind when you finally get me back home,” He said, looking at the Doctor. He pretended not to feel the way Jack’s hand tightened on him at the mention of his return home.

“Let’s see then.” Jack said, leaving them as he reached out and plucked the diary off of the wall. Expecting a sudden alarm, Ianto and Rose tensed with their mouths open, but before anything could happen a familiar buzzing noise was coming from the Time Lord’s sonic beside them and the room continued on as normal. The Doctor winked at Ianto, before he became distracted as Jack began to flick through the pages, holding it higher when the Welshman tried to make a grab for it.

“Give it here!” He shouted, suddenly panicked as he tried to remember how far back the diary spanned. He was  _ sure  _ it covered at least the bit of time he had spent travelling with just Rose and the Doctor, before he had met this version of Jack, but how far back it stretched was something even he couldn’t remember.

Jack held the diary higher, moving to his tippy toes to avoid Ianto’s grabbing arms. “Oh, I’ve got a good sentence here:  _ ‘How is Jack so damn infuriatingly handsome?’”  _ He read aloud, smirking widely. Rose let out some kind of ungodly squealing noise from behind him as Ianto felt the tips of his ears turn red.

“You’ve made that up!” He accused, frowning at Jack. “I never said that!”

“You’ve got it written down,” Jack shrugged, his eyes twinkling. “Judging by the words ‘barrage balloon’ I reckon it’s from the day we met. Good memories!”

Ianto finally succeeded in snatching the book away from him, reading fervently across the page before he discovered, to his great dismay, that Jack hadn’t made the words up. His eyes scanned the page for anything to do with timelines that he didn’t want the ex-Time Agent to see, but unless he had carefully scrutinized the writing he luckily had chosen a fairly inoffensive page to open on. Jack had likely gone through the book looking for the word ‘handsome’, knowing him.

“Shut up.” He ordered Jack as the grin he was wearing refused to leave his face. Ianto flicked through the book, adamant on getting to the end to see how far in the future he either died or lost the book, but before he could the journal was once more snatched out of his own hands. He looked up and didn’t see Jack like he had expected, but instead saw the Doctor. He watched, dismayed as he put it inside his jacket.

“Safe keeping.” He smiled, patting it through his jacket. “I’ll read the last entry and give it back to you once you lose it.”

“What if I die?” Ianto asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Let’s not worry about that for now.” The Doctor answered him. Ianto begrudgingly accepted his plan, knowing there was to be no arguing with the Time Lord once he had his mind set.

“Just don’t go reading the earlier entries, okay?” He said, fixing him a look that was almost a beg. The Doctor knew he knew Jack before they crossed paths at this point in his timeline, but was yet unaware of the true depths of how well he  _ knew  _ him.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” He said, the same mysterious smile still on his face. Ianto didn’t know what it meant but could only trust in his friend to not want to read it. After all, it wasn’t like it was the most gripping of novels. _Hardly_ the newest Bond film. “Anyway, this is the  _ exact  _ reason I didn’t want us to come into the twenty-first century exhibit.” He gave the three of them an I-told-you-so glare as they looked slightly guilty.

Jack, however, didn’t. “What about the teddy?” He pouted.

Ianto thought he could see the Doctor physically restrain himself from doing something brash. He put a smile on his face, one that sent chills down his back. Jack wavered, hung his head and accepted defeat. 

“Oh, come on Doctor!” Rose pleaded, looking at Jack’s downcast expression. Ianto merely rolled his eyes, recognising Jack’s tactics from all too familiar scenes in his own memory. “Look at him. Can’t your sonic work it’s magic or something?”

The Doctor looked between Rose’s pleading face and Jack’s pouting one, and sighed. He reached into his pocket and pulled his screwdriver out, waving it towards the holographic device Jack was holding. The ex-Time Agent grinned (almost convincingly enough to be called innocent) as the screen lit up and the teddy was checked off.

The floor above them spanned a far wider period of time than the lower floors had done, neglecting the ground floor which collated the entire section of history prior to the year 1000 AD. The third floor was split into lots of different sections, boasting a large set of rooms dedicated to the rest of the history of the planet Earth, from the end of the third millennium until present day, and a few other sections throughout the floor.

“Now,  _ this  _ is the kind of future you can see,” The Doctor said, excited as he ran forwards to look at a piece of paper hanging, suspended in midair, inside a glass cabinet. “The original Space Security Service Treaty! Signed by the leaders of Earth, Mars, Venus, Uranus and of course, the first leader- Colonel Marc Forest.”

Rose stepped up behind him. “What was the treaty for?”

“An alliance between four of the planets in the solar system to band against the Daleks,” He explained, beginning to babble about the significance of the piece of greying paper in front of them. Ianto wondered why, in the year 4000, there weren’t better ways to sign an agreement than a piece of paper which would undoubtedly disintegrate without proper care being taken to preserve it.

A soft gasp from beside him brought him out of his thoughts. Ianto turned to look at Jack, who had stopped walking forwards through the floor and was staring at a double door on the right of the room. Ianto also stopped, following his gaze to see a sign on top of the doors bearing the words  _ ‘The Human Colonies’.  _ His breath picked up as he turned back to Jack, seeing a faraway look in his eyes that he could only remember seeing once before in the dimmest of light at the end of a particularly long and tiring week at work. After they had collapsed into bed, Jack’s tongue had been loose enough and his brain addled enough to tell Ianto the only story he had ever shared from his childhood. Ianto had watched his faraway expression as he’d mentioned the pastry shop he and his mum went to every Saturday, bringing home food for his Dad and brother to join them in eating at their table. When the sun rose the next day, Jack had already vacated Ianto’s flat and refused to look him in the eye for the first half of the day at the Hub. It took another entire week of waiting before Ianto woke up with Jack in his arms, rather than finding the bed cold and empty. There hadn’t been another story since.

His thoughts were broken when a warm palm met his own. Ianto looked down suddenly, seeing Jack’s tanned skin juxtaposing his own pale hand, but before he could say anything Jack was pulling him off to the side. He looked over at the Doctor and Rose and was about to call their names when Jack shook his head softly, eyes almost begging Ianto to stay quiet. He swallowed his words and allowed himself to be pulled towards the other doors, very aware of the heat coming from Jack’s palm pressed against his own, but he was unwilling to break the grip when Jack looked so  _ vulnerable. _

They passed through the doors and entered a darker room. Around the edges were several different displays, featuring names of different colonies which Ianto unsurprisingly didn’t recognise. He saw Humberville, Espero, Hurgal- more names than he could even pretend to try to pronounce, and various pictures and items on display in front of each section. However, Jack appeared to be searching for one thing in particular, and his eyes lit up when they fixed on something over in the back corner of the room. He pulled Ianto along by the hand, making a direct beeline for the far corner, and when they got close enough Ianto was able to read the words ‘Boeshane Peninsula’ on the heading above the wall. From his right, he heard Jack’s breath catch and Ianto wondered if he had forgotten how to breathe. The look on his face was an indiscernible mess of emotions, and he was unable to tell if Jack was elated, distressed, or nervous while looking at the small display.

The information itself was quite possibly the smallest collection of knowledge in the entire museum. Ianto glanced over all of it, wanting to take in every bit of information of offer but before he could, his thoughts were distracted by one specific artefact. It was a faded poster, the colours, once bright, having turned sepia over the years. But the part that caught Ianto’s attention wasn’t the text at the top, declaring  _ “Join the Time Agency Today and See Wonders You’ve Only Ever Dreamt Of!”,  _ or the obvious old, yet futuristic design of the poster. What caught his attention was the young adult on the poster, looking barely older than a teenager with dark, sandy brown hair and an all too familiar set of blue eyes, not yet hardened with age or memories.

“Is that you?” Ianto asked breathlessly, pointing with his spare hand at the poster. Jack hummed in response, eyes still searching over the display. “You were a poster boy for the Time Agency?”

“Certainly have the looks, don’t I?” He chuckled, joining Ianto in looking at the poster.

“Well, I can’t deny that.” Ianto said honestly, looking appraisingly at the young adult version of Jack. His shoulders weren’t yet as broad as the one standing next to him, his hair and eyes a few shades lighter-  _ though,  _ he reasoned,  _ that may be to do with the airbrushing the Time Agency put on the poster. Not that Jack needed any airbrushing in the first place. _

“They used to call me The Face of Boe,” He told Ianto, acting nonchalant despite the fact that Ianto could feel his hand grip his own twice as hard as he began to relate his memories to him. “I was the first ever person from Boeshane to join the Time Agency. My Mum was so proud- once she got over the fact that I was leaving.”

Ianto could tell that he was aiming for a casual tone, yet something in his voice sounded strained. He took a few seconds to think, not wanting to push Jack for more information than he would give but he knew that this would be one of the only opportunities he would get to find out more about his past. Knowing the place he grew up was enough of a revelation, but it only opened more questions than ever before. “Why did you leave?” He got up the courage to say, softly rubbing a circle into his hand as he felt it tense.

“There wasn’t anything there for me anymore. I had to get out.” He said in a laboured voice.

“Not your parents?”

He snorted mirthlessly. “Not after what happened.” He evaded, and Ianto waited for him to speak again, not wanting to hurry him. Instead of speaking, Jack pointed to the paragraph of information on the wall.

_ ‘The Invasion of 5028: For much of the 51st Century, Boeshane Peninsula was under constant threat of invasion, until in the year 5028 they were attacked by a still unknown species. The population was reduced by a third and it took years to rebuild the economy and architecture which was lost in the battle. By the late 52nd Century, Boeshane…’ _

Ianto stopped reading and looked up at Jack, his emotions finally clear as his shoulders sagged and sorrow filled his features. His hand went limp, as if he wanted to pull it away, but Ianto didn’t let him.

“How old were you?” He asked tentatively.

“I was barely twelve years old,” Jack swallowed. “And they came and they killed my Dad, and… my younger brother. And it was my fault.”

“You were twelve,” Ianto reasoned. “It couldn’t be your fault.”

“It was!” He snapped, visibly angry and hurt. Jack took a second to compose himself. “And that’s why I had to leave. I had to get out of there.”

“So you joined the Time Agency?”

“I joined the Time Agency as soon as I was old enough too. And they snapped me up,” He said, a whisper of his old smirk returning to his face. “But,  _ that’s  _ a story for another day.”

Ianto smiled back at him, realising that at some point during their conversation they had turned so they were facing each other. He met his eyes. “I’m sorry about what happened.” He spoke honestly and softly.

“It was a long time ago,” Jack replied, shaking his head but looking less anguished than the previous minute. “Besides, it wasn’t all bad. Boeshane was a wonderful place to grow up, if you didn’t mind the constant threat of invasion. We were a small community, and that brought us all together. There were so many festivals, full of colour and joy and singing and dancing-”

He broke off with a laugh and a faraway grin. “Festivals?” Ianto prompted, eager to hear about the happier side to Jack’s childhood.

“My favourite was the Night of the Three Moons,” He began. “Once every three or four years, the three moons orbiting the Peninsula would line up in the sky. We stayed up all night, making floating star decorations and eating moon-biscuits, and then for a few hours our village would all go outside and light fires. We sang a hymn when the moons passed over, and then danced all together to music for hours. And in the morning, we got the day off school- which was always my brother’s favourite part of the celebration.”

His smile was unlike anything Ianto had ever seen on his face before. In the years of knowing both the older version of Jack, and more recently this younger version, he had never seen his face so free of stress and worry; so unguarded and visibly content. It was a good look on him. A  _ very  _ good look.

“It sounds wonderful.” Ianto replied honestly.

“It was. Maybe one day…” He said tentatively, and Ianto watched his throat move as he swallowed. “Maybe one day I could take you to see it. In the future, of course, not when I was there.” He spoke quickly, almost nervously as his spare hand came up to ruffle his hair.

“I’d like that, a lot,” Ianto answered him, watching as the tension rolled out of Jack’s body again. “I’m sure if we asked the Doctor he could take us all-”

Jack’s face hardened in a split second, and his hand left Ianto’s just as quickly. Ianto swore in his head, knowing he had said the wrong thing, even if he wasn’t aware of  _ why  _ it was the wrong thing. The ex-Time Agent turned away.

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t mention this to Rose and the Doctor.” Jack said plainly, his voice losing the softness it had had upon talking about the Night of the Three Moons.

“Why?” Ianto boldly asked.

“Because,” Jack said, turning to give him an indecipherable look. “It’s personal.”

Ianto stared back at him. “Then why did you tell me?” He questioned.

Ianto looked directly at him, searching his gaze for an answer. Jack was looking at him like the answer was obvious. He gave a small cough and spoke quietly. “You’re just different.”

“How?” Ianto continued, knowing he was treading in dangerous waters. A hand reached across and landed softly on his shoulder. Jack had always been grounded by touch and human contact, whether he needed warm arms to hold him tight after a particularly nasty death, or simple, gentle touches at the end of the day to remind him that he was  _ there _ , alive and lying in a bed as he tried to sleep. Ianto subconsciously leaned closer into the touch.

“You know me, in a way that the others don’t. I don’t know how, or  _ why,  _ but you don’t just look at me and see a comedic, smiling guy,” He said, his honesty feeling like it was almost flowing through his body and reaching Ianto’s own shoulder where they were connected by Jack's arm. “I’m not, or at least haven’t always been, a good person. And it’s like you know that about me already- you know, and you’ve accepted me for that.”

Ianto thought about the people he had seen Jack kill, the decisions he’d been forced to make to find the least painful way of saving the day. He remembered the Fairies, he remembered Lisa, but he remembered too the pain that Jack carried around with him every day from the weight of his previous actions- and of  _ course,  _ he had forgiven him long ago.

Ianto swallowed. “Jack, all of this. Your past. Don’t feel like you  _ have  _ to-”

“I  _ want  _ to, Ianto Jones. I want you to know me- all of me. In  _ every  _ way,” He said, a twitch of a leer providing a sense of familiar comfort to Ianto. “My past; my future-”

“Jack,” Ianto spoke, feeling overwhelmed. This was the furthest the man in front of him had ever felt from the Jack that Ianto knew and loved- but a staggering part of him didn’t  _ care  _ about the differences. This wasn’t his Jack- his cold, closed off Jack who wouldn’t even call Ianto his boyfriend. This was Jack who had yet to become immortal and lose whatever part of him allowed him to be open and vulnerable, and Ianto wasn’t sure if he wanted to run away from him or kiss him until he stopped breathing.

A loud noise of a door swinging open on its hinge made the decision for him.

“There you two are!” The Doctor spoke, and despite his voice being no louder than usual, the words grated on his ears and made him wince. Jack pulled his arm away quickly before they could see the position they were standing in.

“Doctor, Rose,” Ianto greeted, smiling at them. “We were just, uh…”

“Looking for my colony,” Jack answered. “But it’s not here. Which is understandable, it’s a tiny place.”

Ianto took a step to the right to cover up the poster with an obvious photo of Jack on the front. Rose looked intrigued. “What planet do you come from, Jack?”

“It’s not important. Did you see a teddy on your way through?” He countered, his beaming smile back on his face as Rose eagerly told him about the blue paddington bear they had seen sitting above an exhibit. It was almost as if the previous conversation hadn’t even occurred, if Ianto hadn’t noticed the slight tremble in Jack’s hand when he went to type the answer in.

“Right, can we go to the gift shop now?” The Doctor asked them, staring hopefully between the three others. “The shops are always my favourite bit- I love a good gift shop!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers!! Just me today (Remi) as Lauren has just moved and doesn't have Wi-Fi yet, or great signal. Might be a bit hit and miss with how and when we upload chapters for a bit, but they shall still be coming out on the same Wednesday, Friday and Sunday schedule!  
> I don't pretend to know much about Boeshane or the colonies (further than what's said in the show and on the Wiki) hence a fair bit of this chapter is my own interpretation! I also promise (maybe) that there (perhaps) may be some actual plot next chapter. I kinda went off on a tangent with this, and the original plot got very sidetracked by the fluff that's been given!  
> Anyhow! Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos recently! Keep them coming- we love to hear your opinions on this fic! Next chapter will be with you on Sunday: Alive Exhibition, and it will conclude the Human Museum episode. See you there!  
> Tumblrs: @garknessandbones @thirteeninafez


	32. Alive Exhibition

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Gets Attacked By a Neon, Glittery Sticker

Unlike all of the floors below it, the gift shop (though nearly as large as the smallest of the other floors) had no sense of organisation to it at all. The shelves were a mess of various items from different points in history, the displays were positioned randomly without a defined route to take you around the store, and Ianto didn’t know if his feet would allow him to take another step into the chaos of the room. An arm through his and an excited noise from beside him forced him to confront the mess, letting Rose pull him along as she spotted something on one of the racks.

“Look!” She shouted, pulling out an object and thrusting it into Ianto’s face. It took a second of recollection for him to realise what it was, but when he did he began to laugh.

“A Nokia Brick?” He asked, turning it around to inspect the wrappings around it.

Rose grinned at him. “A Nokia Brick,” She confirmed. “I won the bet!”

“Hang on, I never bet against  _ this. _ ” Ianto pointed out. “I agreed with you!”

“But I said it first.” Rose argued, enjoying seeing the pout on Ianto’s face.

“There, there sweetums,” Jack said, popping up out of nowhere to pat his shoulder commiseratingly. “You don’t have to pout.”

“I don’t think he liked that name.” Rose said thoughtfully, looking at Ianto’s agape mouth.

“My name is  _ Ianto,  _ in case you’d forgotten.” He grumbled, rolling his eyes as Jack turned so he was crowding around him.

“What was that, sweetheart?” He asked, acting as if he hadn’t heard him. Ianto took a step back but found he was directly in front of the shelf. He swallowed. “Would you prefer gorgeous? Handsome?”

“I’d prefer Ianto,” He said decisively, trying to ignore how close Jack was to him. “Don’t you have your children’s trail to hand in?”

“I suppose,” Jack grinned and pulled back, looking at the desk at the end of the room. “I’ll let you know if they need an adult to accompany me,  _ Daddy. _ ”

Ianto gave him a scalding glare as he took his smirk and scampered off with it towards the desk. Rose immediately turned an eyebrow on Ianto which was raised as far up her forehead as possible.

“So, he’s definitely-” She started, but Ianto didn’t have any inclination towards letting her finish her sentence.

“Don’t.”

“I’m just saying, you two seem very-”

“I said,  _ don’t! _ ”

She put her hand out to stop him from walking off, giving him a very telling look. His face was flushed and when he caught her eyes he knew he wouldn’t dare interrupt a third time.

“Things are going well, then?” She asked him with a grin.

He rolled his eyes in response. “Depends on what your definition of ‘things’ is.”

“So, what were you up to on floor three?”

“Nothing.” He responded quickly, his brain fizzing to a stop before it could come up with an excuse. He almost regretted promising Jack to not tell the others about his home planet. Almost.

“Nothing?” She parroted, her grin going wider. “Ianto Jones, in the darkest room on floor three, alone with Captain Jack Harkness…”

“We’re not playing bloody Cluedo,” He muttered. “All we did was look through the exhibit, and find out his planet wasn’t there.”

“Right,” Rose said, sounding unconvinced. “So tell me something about the exhibit. Wow me with your new knowledge of Human Colonies.”

“Err-” Ianto said, reaching up to scratch his neck. “There’s this planet. Called, um... Cumberville- or no, it might have been Thumberville.”

“You weren’t paying any attention to the exhibit at all, were you?” Rose accused. Ianto stalled, and then-

“Earmuffs!”

The Doctor appeared as suddenly as a sneeze, wearing a garish pair of orange earmuffs. Despite this, Ianto couldn’t help but smile at the happy distraction he bought.

“You sure they’re big enough for your ears?” Rose asked him, laughing as he reached up to pull them tighter over his protruding ears.

“Can’t hear anything you’re saying, Rose, but I’m sure you were complimenting my fashion sense.”

“It suits your style, that’s for sure.” Ianto quipped.

“Thank you, Ianto!” The Doctor beamed, leaving Rose to mutter something under his breath about ‘selective hearing’. From behind that argument, Ianto could see another argument happening at the desk in the corner. 

“I’m sorry, sir, but if you haven’t found all of the teddies, I’m not allowed to give you the prize.”

Jack continued to pout at the woman in front of him on the desk, batting his eyelids at her as he tried to win her over with every ounce of charm he possessed. So far, the woman sitting at the desk seemed as disinterested as a child watching a political debate.

“Please?” He asked her, looking devastated (which wasn’t as much an act as the woman probably assumed.)

“If you go back to the museum and find the last two teddies, I’ll give you the prize. Look, I’ll even point out which floors they’re on.” She said patronizingly.

“You’re talking to me like I’m a child,” Jack moaned. She looked between him and the kid’s trail he was holding and raised an eyebrow. “Fair point.” He conceded.

“If you wouldn’t mind moving away, I have more important things to be-”

“Look,” Jack cut in, eager to get his way despite the stony features on the woman’s face. “There’s a really important reason that I  _ need  _ that sticker.”

“Pray tell.” She said, looking unimpressed still.

Jack looked around the shop, trying to find Ianto. He caught sight of his brown hair standing next to the Doctor and Rose. “You see that tall guy, the one with the suit and brown hair?”

“The one with the red tie?”

“That’s him!” Jack said, turning back to look at her. “Now that guy is _very_ special to me, and I promised him I’d get him a sticker.”

She looked confused. “You want to give your boyfriend a sticker?”

“We’re not boyfriends!” Jack insisted. “At least, not yet anyway.”

“Giving someone a sticker is a peculiar mating ritual,” She spoke, not hearing the way Jack choked on thin air. “Where did you say you were from again?”

“I didn’t,” Jack replied. “But please! You wouldn’t deny true love, would you?”

While the assistant was still wavering, Jack sensed a presence behind him and he turned around to see the man in question. He flashed a big grin at Ianto and pulled him closer, slipping an arm around his waist as he proceeded to pull him against him so they were joined at the hip. From where he stood, he was able to lean down and put a soft kiss on his shoulder.

“Ianto, my beautiful!” He began, grateful that Ianto appeared too shocked to protest his nickname. “I was just handing in my teddy bear hunt to this very kind lady.”

Jack shot the woman a look and she rolled her eyes, finally relenting as she pulled out a set of stickers. Jack grinned wider than he had the entire day so far as he left Ianto’s side to eagerly choose his sticker. Above his head, Ianto and the lady shared an equally unamused grin.

“Here we go!” Jack spoke, retreating with a sticker held in his two fingers. He walked towards Ianto and before the Welshman could react, the green sticker was placed onto his nose. To his dismay, he noticed future technology had mastered the art of making stickers glow, as a green light kept flickering on and off.

“Jack!” He hissed, reaching up to pull the sticker away from him but failing to do so as Jack intercepted his hand and pulled it down into his own. Unlike earlier, his grip was death-tight and didn’t appear to want to let go any time soon.

“Thank you so much for your help.” Jack said to the woman, leaving his holographic trail on her desk as he pulled Ianto away.

“Let go of my hand!” Ianto insisted, letting himself be dragged back into the shop.

Jack chuckled. “Not until you promise me you won’t take the sticker off.”

“Ianto?” The Doctor suddenly called, appearing in front of them in their line of vision as they turned around a shelf. “Why do you have a sticker saying ‘Well Done for Trying’ on your nose?”

Rose appeared behind them, giggling as she caught sight of his face. “It suits you, Ianto.”

Ianto finally succeeded in ripping his hand out of Jack’s when the distraction of two other people loosened his grip. He immediately reached up to pull the offensive item off his face, almost considering screwing it up into a ball until he saw Jack’s crestfallen face. He rolled his eyes.

“I’ll put it on my suit, is that a compromise?”

Jack’s face lit up again, almost as sparkly as the green glitter on the sticker. Ianto tried in vain to stop the grin spreading onto his own face, but when Jack looked quite so adorably happy, it was difficult for him to resist it.

“I’ve had quite enough of you two,” The Doctor announced, walking briskly in between them as he headed towards the exit of the shop. “I vote we go to the café, and then head off back to the Tardis.”

“There’s a café?” Rose asked excitedly. She walked forwards to grab the Doctor’s hand and pull him towards the exit even more quickly than he was currently walking, which left Ianto and Jack to hurry to catch up with them.

Ten minutes later, Ianto and Rose were queuing up to buy the four of them something to eat. Similarly to the rest of the museum, the café appeared to be themed with human history, having some peculiar items Ianto and Rose didn’t recognise which must have originated further in the future than they were from, and also some old, less favourable options from years before they were born. (Ianto had half a mind to buy Jack a portion of gruel just to see how he would react.)

It was while they were waiting in line that they saw a familiar face once more. From beside them, there was a gasp and an excited greeting in a squeaky voice which Ianto regretted being able to recognise.

“Herb,” He responded, plastering a smile on his face. “Lovely to see you again.”

As he looked at the small man, his fingers began to clench. Something, however miniscule, had changed about the man. It was as if his eyes were slightly narrower or his posture slightly more tense than before, and it put Ianto on edge.

“You missed the last part of the tour!” He said, looking jokingly put out. “I wasn’t boring you, was I?”

“No no,” Ianto insisted quickly. “I just wasn’t interested in anything past the 2000s really.”

Herb gave him a look as if there was something he knew but wasn’t telling Ianto. “Of course, I remember you saying you preferred Human history prior to first contact.”

“But the rest of the tour was brilliant.” Rose added, Herb’s almost suspicious gaze moving from Ianto to her instead.

“Thank you, dear,” He said non-convincingly. “Perhaps I could interest you in one of the more delicate items in our collection? It won’t take long, but you won’t want to miss it.”

“Ah,” Ianto stammered. “We were just about to eat lunch, and we really should get back to our friends. Don’t want to lose our place in line.”

He let out a weak chuckle but stopped at the uninterpretable look Herb gave him. “It really won’t take long. I insist.”

“Come on, Ianto. If it won’t take long, let’s go check it out.” Rose suggested, raising her eyebrow in a way that meant she wanted to investigate what it was Herb was hiding away from the public exhibits. He raised his own in response, cocking his head as he silently agreed with her to go along with her curiosity.

“Alright.” He nodded, letting Herb happily lead them over to a wooden door to the left of the café counter. When they stepped through it, the content buzz of noise from outside dropped away, along with the bright lights. The corridor they were in felt cold, dark and slightly damp, and he wondered for a split second if he might have made the wrong decision to follow and trust Herb.

But then there was a cloth around his nose and his brain was ceasing to think about anything, as he vaguely felt his body fall to the floor as darkness hit him…

Jack startled as he caught sight of a family returning to their seats with plates full of food. He turned to stare at the Doctor on his right.

“That family  _ definitely  _ left to get food after Ianto and Rose. I’m certain of it.”

“Stop worrying so much,” The Doctor said, waving an arm lazily at Jack, who he was  _ not  _ paying attention to. “I’m sure it was just a familiar family.”

“Doctor,” Jack muttered warningly, barely able to keep his leg from twitching. “I’m being serious. It’s been half an hour- the least we should do is see if they’re still queuing.”

With a large and over-exaggerated sigh, the Doctor got up from his chair and made his way to the other side of the hall, Jack following him like an over energetic puppy. 

It took them less than half a minute to stare at the slowly emptying queue and notice their friends were standing nowhere in the short line of people. Jack turned to the Doctor.

“Okay.  _ Now  _ will you take me seriously?”

The Doctor began walking around, almost aimlessly searching for his friends as if he would find them hiding underneath a table. “Rose? Ianto?”

“I’d scan for twenty-first century tech, but this place is riddled with old fashioned items.” Jack unhappily added, reaching to fiddle with his wristwatch.

“Oh!” The Doctor exclaimed, looking at Jack. “Scan for anything from the ninety fifth century- the mobile phones I gave them should show up.”

“On it.” Jack replied, quickly fiddling with his Vortex Manipulator as he impatiently sat and waited for it to finish its scan. When it did, the holographic results showed blue above the screen, providing a three-dimensional rendered model of the museum. There were five blinking lights throughout the museum; one on the top floor, a pair on the bottom floor and another pair on the second floor.

“Well, they can’t be the one on this floor- unless they’ve been split up.” The Doctor helpfully added.

“Agreed. The bottom floor was ancient Earth history…” Jack added.

“And the second was from the year 1000 to 2000.”

They shared a look that lasted a split second before they were both back on their feet, running for the nearest set of stairs.

When he blearily opened his eyes, the first thing Ianto saw was darkness. It took him a few minutes of staring bleakley at the dim light for his eyes to adjust enough, and when he did there wasn’t much more around him that could give away any clues as to what had happened. He managed to spot Rose on his left, still asleep but seemingly trying to wake herself up (if the small movements she was making proved anything.) The next thing he noticed wasn’t something he could see, but could feel. His hands had been crudely tied together with a length of coarse rope, with no give to them as he flexed his wrists to test their strength. He tried to pull away but realised that the rope was evidently keeping him tethered to something on the wall behind him to prevent his own escape.

Then, a bright light suddenly flickered on, successfully waking Rose fully up and also causing them both to squint. Through the tiny gap he kept between his screwed shut eyes, Ianto saw the small figure of Herb standing by a large wooden door. He saw the space they were being kept: large and open with various boxes and covered artefacts that appeared to be in storage. A chill went down his spine as he tried not to think about the consequences of he and Rose being held in amongst the other exhibits.

“Rose,” He called out. “Rose, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” She replied, despite her voice sounding shaky and unsure. 

“Well, this is all very touching, isn’t it?” Herb said calmly, walking slowly towards the two of them. Ianto glared at him.

“What are you doing?” He demanded. “Why are we here?”

“Why?” Herb laughed, reaching for Ianto’s chin to hold. The Welshman tried to pull away from the touch but was unable to in his current predicament. “You’re where you belong. Waiting to be put in my museum!”

“In the museum?” Rose called, sounding both disgusted and fearful all at once.

Her outburst succeeded in taking Herb’s attention away from Ianto long enough for his hand to fall from his face, which the Welshman was grateful about. “To begin with, I thought you were just another fanatic about the human race, like me. Having enough ancient coins to part with one was shocking, but not too difficult for me to believe. And the clothing...”

Herb reached over to brush the shoulder of Rose’s t-shirt, causing Ianto to tense where he was sitting. “Again, I thought you might both just be really intense in your retro style- but when I got closer, the materials used here are just too similar to the originals. Is it pure cotton?”

“Will you stop touching my clothes if I tell you?” Rose growled, disliking the way his hand moved over her as if she were some inanimate specimen to be examined.

Herb laughed, pulling his hand back dutifully. “And then, your complete avoidance of any history past the twenty-first century? Again, definitely excusable- but there was one other thing. Your accent.”

He turned to stare at Ianto. “What about it?” The Welshman shot back defensively.

“I haven’t ever heard anything like it. It took me half an hour of sitting through the limited stock of old media from the twenty-first century, but eventually I found another similar voice. You’re from Welsh.”

“Wales,” Ianto couldn’t help but correct. “Welsh is the language.”

Herb shot him a predatory grin. “I have a real life twenty-first century human, from Wales. Held with his little female friend, both trapped in storage. I wonder how much people would pay to see a real, alive exhibit?”

A spike of fear hit Ianto and he saw Rose’s eyes open wide before she spoke. “Surely that’s illegal!”

“With the money you’d bring in, we can pay off any lawsuit anybody tries to launch against us.” He smiled evilly, his eyes glinting with power. “If I get in contact with the right people, I could even find technology to clone you. Start the human race afresh. Imagine!”

“You’re sick!” Rose shouted, trying in vain to pull away from her tied hands. “You can’t just keep us here!”

Herb looked between the two of them and laughed again. “You’re forgetting something. I’m the owner of this museum, the curator of the biggest collection of human history in the galaxy, and I’m the one who’s managed to find and capture two twenty-first century humans. Who’s going to stop me?”

The Vortex Manipulator led Jack and the Doctor to the far corner of the second floor, through the exhibit they had been far more interested in earlier on in the day, and past a teddy which Jack was much less intrigued about now than he had been before. Their feet came to a stop as they looked at a large set of wooden doors, evidently modelled off old human doors.

“Doctor?” Jack called. “Your sonic!”

“It doesn’t work on wood!” He replied, yet he still got his screwdriver out of his pocket and pointed it towards the door. As expected, it buzzed at various different frequencies with no apparent success.

“Oh brilliant, trust you to not allow my guns, which could, for the record, break down this door in seconds, but insist on carrying that useless tool around!” Jack shouted, frustrated. The Doctor turned to glare at him.

“It’s not a ‘useless tool’, it just doesn’t work on wood!”

“So you’ve said!”

“This isn’t helping us get Rose and Ianto back!”

Jack paused, halting the angry remark which had been on the tip of his tongue. He swallowed it back down. “You’re right. What can we do?”

The Doctor tried to think. “We could try to force it open?”

Jack nodded, pulling back as he reared forwards suddenly and shoved his shoulder into the door. He swore loudly as it didn’t budge, but his shoulder did start to throb with pain.

“It’s too thick wood. No way we’re getting through that.”

“We could head back to the Tardis,” The Doctor reluctantly suggested. “Get your sonic blaster or something.”

As he turned around, he spotted Jack. His vision was fixed on one of the exhibits, his face morphing into some sort of grin. The Doctor cottoned onto his plan, smirking along with Jack as they made their way forwards.

“Oh, Ianto Jones. You are  _ brilliant. _ ”

“What’s that noise?”

Ianto’s head lifted lightly to look at Herb, who had paused in concentration before asking his two captives the question. To be truthful, Ianto could make out a slow rumbling noise coming from far away, getting louder the longer he listened to it.

“I’m not sure. Maybe if you let us out of this rope we could help.” Rose suggested sarcastically.

Herb paused to think, as if he was seriously considering it. “Hmm. No. I don’t think so. I have you right where I want you, and if you think anything will stop me now then you’re most certainly wrong-”

And then a tumultuous crash was heard from the right side of the room, coupled with a large moving object flying towards them which was silhouetted against the bright light behind. With a squeaking noise, it came to a stop and the roaring noise also ended, leaving Ianto to finally get a look at what the object was. When he did, his face broke out into a wide triumphant grin.

“You evidently haven’t met these two, then.” He said in an overdue response to Herb, who looked pale and terrified.

Jack Harkness raced out of the side door of the museum exhibit van he had ‘borrowed’, slamming the door shut as he moved towards the three beings in the room. From the passenger seat, the Doctor followed, rubbing his head and looking miffed.

“You could’ve driven a tad more carefully.” He moaned.

“Like you can talk!” Jack shot back, turning to frown at the Time Lord. “You  _ never _ drive the Tardis carefully.”

As the Doctor looked offended, Rose decided to bring their attention back to the situation at hand. “Sorry to interrupt. But, a little help boys?”

Their heads snapped towards the two of them, noting how their hands were tied behind their backs to prevent their escape.

“Ianto! Rose!” Jack exclaimed, moving to walk forwards but he was stopped by a cough coming from the small man in between the two pairs of people.

“Not so fast,” He squeaked, standing defiantly towards the Doctor and Jack. “You’ll have to get through me first.”

Jack caught the Doctor’s eye in confusion, both wondering what challenge the greying old man would prove.

“An old Earth tradition,” He said, pulling one of his black leather gloves off his hand. “It’s called ‘throwing down the gauntlet’. I challenge you to these two people’s hands.”

And then Herb threw his glove on the ground in front of them. Jack shrugged, reaching down to take off a shoe and hold it up towards Herb.

“Sorry, I haven’t got gloves. Will a shoe work?” He asked, not waiting for an answer before he threw the item hard at Herbs head. It collided with its intended target, knocking the thin body flat on its back as it successfully knocked him out cold.

“Come on!” The Doctor shouted, running past the body on the floor to get to Rose. Jack did the same with Ianto, reaching round to grab the rope on his wrists and untie it.

“You’re so dramatic.” Ianto chastised, rolling his eyes affectionately at his savior.

“Of course,” Jack grinned, succeeding in freeing Ianto’s hands. “Would you have me any other way?”

Ianto shook his head playfully, turning towards the exit. “That blaring alarm wouldn’t have anything to do with you, would it?”

The guilty look on Jack’s face said it all. The Doctor raced past them, dragging Rose along by the arm towards the exit, and once more Ianto and Jack picked their feet up and took off after their friends.

In all the commotion going on around the museum, the four of them found it surprisingly easy to race their way down the floors of the museum and find their way to the front entrance once again. With alarms going off across the whole building, multiple families and visitors were racing to get to the transporters, leaving the four of them to easily blend in with the crowd and rush to their own transport.

“I can’t believe,” Rose laughed in between breaths as she burst through the doors of the Tardis. “That you stole a van from the exhibit...”

“Hotwired it and burst through the door...” Ianto continued.

“Threw your shoe at Herb...”

“And knocked him out!” They both finished together, falling into peals of laughter as they caught hold of each other.

“I  _ liked  _ those shoes.” Jack grumbled, hobbling with only one foot covered.

“They were bright red.” Ianto pointed out.

_ “And?” _

The Doctor flipped a switch on the Tardis console and the ship juddered back into life, jolting the passengers as it moved suddenly. They held their breaths as the Doctor rushed around the console, trying to get the ship stable as it flew back into the time vortex. The second it stopped moving he turned back to the other three, pointing between Rose and Ianto.

“This is exactly why I don’t let you two go off by yourself,” He said, raising an eyebrow despite still looking amused. “We’re in a museum and you still manage to get yourselves into trouble?”

“I’m wondering how you were able to get caught by that tiny old man.” Jack teased.

“Oi. He knocked us out with something- and it was Rose’s fault for convincing me to trust him.” Ianto defended, hearing her gasp from beside him.

“You didn’t exactly protest!”

“Point still stands that you got yourself captured by an old man who was knocked out by a shoe.” The Doctor smirked. Rose flicked him on his nose and he let out a miffed sounding noise.

“What was he planning on doing with you?” Jack asked.

“He wanted to put us on display as a live exhibition,” Rose admitted. “Didn’t much fancy that, personally.”

“I’d pay to see it.” Jack smirked, encouraging Ianto to repeat Rose’s actions and flick Jack on the nose instead.

“He wanted to clone us.” He added.

Jack's grin shot up. “Multiple Ianto’s. Should’ve waited until after the cloning to save you.”

“You should’ve. I could have made a rota, so I only have to put up with you for a little bit each day.”

Jack pouted at him. “That’s not exactly what I had in mind.”

“I don’t want to know what you had in mind,” Rose said, dragging Ianto by his arm out of the console room. “Come on, you. I need some of your spectacular coffee after all of that...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, there was gonna be a sword fight at the end and drama, but my 13 year old sister gave me the idea for Jack just lobbing a shoe at Herb and I found it waaaaaaaaay too funny to ignore. So, thanks Grace!  
> I apologise for the terrible pacing throughout this episode (good job it's not gonna be made into an actual TV show, eh?) Originally the plot was gonna be there a lot earlier, and it feels a bit rushed here, but the fluff took over so... here's the final chapter! I hope you enjoyed the conclusion to the Human Museum episode, I've had a lot of fun with it!  
> Next chapter will be written by Lauren: (The Wrong) Barcelona- and I am so so so excited for you guys to read this episode! It's the last original story we are doing (in this book at least) but it's one of my favourites!!  
> Thank you for your comments and kudos, they honestly make our days to read and respond to. You can always find us on Tumblr @thirteeninafez and @garknessandbones :)


	33. (The Wrong) Barcelona

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto and Jack Wrestle On the Floor

“Barcelona!” The Doctor exclaimed as he flung open the door to the kitchen. He was rarely seen in the small space, a blessing since despite the Tardis’ ability to extend the size of the cupboards and make new chairs appear at the table for anyone who wished to sit, she never made the room any bigger than it had been since the first time Ianto had sat it in it. 

It was comfortable enough for one person, perfect when he made breakfast in the morning. When it was just two people, like when he and Rose sat and chatted while Jack and the Doctor worked on the ship or when he and Jack had late night drinks when neither could sleep, it was cozy but not uncomfortable. Three people was a stretch and only manageable if two people sat on either side of the small square table, leaving the side not pushed against the wall free for the third person to squeeze and prepare drinks or food. 

Four people was a nightmare, plain and simple. It was bad enough that there was an unspoken rule. The fourth person to enter could choose to either stay and hover in the doorway or to stand in the far corner on the other side, out of the way. Rose had once tried to circumvent this by sitting on the counter by the doorway but Jack had tripped over her feet on his way out and gone sprawling into the corridor. No one sat on the counter again after that.

Weeks of testing out various arrangement of four had lead them to the conclusion that it just couldn’t work, so when the Doctor burst in and yelled Barcelona to the three people just trying to eat breakfast in peace and quiet, Jack immediately threw his arm out to stop the Doctor from coming any further in and inevitably jolting a chair or tripping over a stray leg or anything that could result in one of them getting a lapful of scrambled eggs. Ianto had been trying to get the stain out of his suit for hours the last time that happened.

The Doctor rocked back and forth on his heels excitedly but respected the boundary Jack’s arm had made.

Rose washed down a mouthful of sausage with a swig of juice. “Barcelona?”

The Doctor nodded. “Barcelona!”

“I could go to Barcelona for fifty quid with RyanAir.” Ianto grumbled, still tired and grouchy. Jack poured a mug of coffee from the press on the table, nudging it towards him. Ianto’s eyes were still half closed but he smiled blearily at the other man and accepted the mug gratefully.

The Doctor pouted. “You’re mean when you’re tired.” 

“Grumpy-pants here can’t function pre-coffee.”

“Don’t call me that.” Ianto glared at Jack before taking a large gulp of his coffee. “I still have a point.”

“Of course you don’t. I’m not talking about the city.”

Jack looked up from his toast. “You mean–?”

“Barcelona! The planet, not the city.”

“The beaches go on for miles and miles, all pink sand and crystal clear green water. Picture all the nicest beaches on Earth, Bahamas, Maldives, all those. Times how amazing that is by… by a thousand and you might get _close_ to how beautiful the Barcelona coastline is.” Jack rambled on. They had moved into the library so that there was room for all of them to sit while the Doctor and Jack explained the planet to Rose and Ianto. 

“Pink sand?” Rose asked.

The Doctor nodded. “There’s such a high concentration of erbium three plus ions in the rocks that when they get ground up by the waves it creates hot pink sand. It’s even in the soil, turns the plant life purple so they’ve adapted to absorb green light instead of red like on earth.”

Jack nodded excitedly. “There’s continents just covered in swathes of purple and blue forests filled with wildlife! That’s where the nose-less dogs live.”

“Nose-less dogs?” Ianto raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, the dogs!” The Doctor grinned. “You can tell the joke about a dog with no nose all day and it’ll never get old!”

Jack laughed. “Hey Ianto, I have a dog with no nose.”

Ianto rolled his eyes, forcing back a fond yet exasperated smile as he humoured Jack. “But how does he smell?”

“Terrible!” Both Jack and the Doctor burst into peals of laughter, ones that had the time lord clutching his stomach and Jack rolling on the floor where he lay next to Ianto on the rug. Ianto met Rose’s eyes, both of them laughing too- not at the truly terrible and ancient joke, but at their friends’ reactions.

When they had finally calmed down, Ianto asked, “But how do the dogs not have noses? What do they look like?”

Jack shrugged. “Just kinda… flat.”

“Like pugs?” Rose asked.

Jack shook his head.

Ianto took his diary and a pen out of his jacket, flicking to the next fresh page. He drew a crude sketch of a labrador with no nose, just a flat head from eyes to mouth and two black dots for nostrils. “Like that? No wrinkles?”

The Doctor made a ‘ehhhh’ noise. “Closer, but they don’t have nostrils.”

Rose frowned. “How do they breathe?”

“Through their skin.” He said it like it was obvious.

“Like frogs?” Ianto asked, neatly titling the page with ‘Barcelona (Planet)’

“Exactly! Like frogs.”

Ianto hummed, interested, while he did a new sketch of a dog with no nose and no nostrils. 

Jack nodded. “Yeah, that’s way better.” He pulled the small book closer to him once Ianto had finished labelling the sketch. “Do you write everything down?”

“Almost everything.” Ianto reached out to try and take it back but Jack held it teasingly out of reach. “Pass it here.”

“Aw, can’t I read it? This one doesn’t have your immediate future in it.” He made no actual effort to read any of the pages; in fact, he closed it as he moved it away from Ianto so no pages would get damaged.

“Doesn’t mean you can read it.” Ianto wriggled across the floor to get closer to Jack. He jerked back, grinning mischievously. Ianto groaned. “Jack, give it back.”

“Make me.”

Ianto scowled in response to Jack’s challenge. He lunged for the diary, but Jack rolled away with a laugh and Ianto ended up with just a handful of rug. Ianto glared and rolled after him. Jack had tucked his arms against his chest, hugging the diary to both protect the book from prying hands and to ensure he had a smooth roll unhindered by flailing limbs. Ianto however took a different route, holding his arms above his head for maximum rolling potential.

The commotion brought Rose and the Doctor out of their conversation on the evolutionary splitting point between 45th Century Earth dogs and Barcelonian dogs and how they kept their shape while completely changing their respiratory systems. The rather intellectual conversion was completely halted by the image of two fully grown men rolling around on the floor, banging against furniture and occasionally wiggling forwards like caterpillars when purely sideways motion just couldn’t cut it. 

At some point, Ianto seemed to regain some of his brain function and realised that at no point did he  _ have _ to act like a worm to get his diary back, but had  _ chosen _ to (a very embarrassing realisation). He pulled himself up onto his hands and knees and crawled quickly after Jack. (He’d regained some brain function, but not quite enough to realise that he could just stand up.) He grabbed Jack’s arm but Jack’s sudden roll sent Ianto sprawling on top of him. 

Jack tried to roll away but Ianto had a grip on the notebook now and wasn’t about to let go. They rolled, full on wrestling at this point. There was no malice or anger in the interaction, both of them laughing and wriggling. At one point, Ianto was sure he felt Jack trying to tickle him and when that didn’t help he brought his feet up, pushing them against Ianto’s stomach to try and get him off. 

Ianto pulled back suddenly. The diary slipped out from Jack’s grasp and fell open on the floor between them. They both panted slightly, looking at each other and grinning. It reminded Ianto slightly of ‘Weevil hunting’ back at Torchwood and he grinned even wider. Jack broke the eye contact first to glance at the page the diary had opened to. 

It was Ianto’s last entry, a quickly scrawled description of the events that had transpired at the human museum the week before. There was even a quick sketch of a crumpled van, Jack grinning behind the wheel as he came to the rescue. The glittery sticker from the teddy bear hunt was stuck in pride of place on the second page.

Jack looked back to Ianto, his grin never fading. “You kept the sticker.”

Ianto closed the diary quickly, pulling it over to him and tucking it back into his pocket. “You worked hard to get it. I wouldn’t just chuck it.” Ianto mumbled, blushing.

Jack kept grinning like an idiot. “You put it in your diary.”

“It’s a  _ journal _ .” Ianto sat up, smoothing down his suit.

“You still put it in there.”

Ianto kept his eyes averted from Jack’s, looking to the Doctor. “What else does Barcelona have?”

“Oh, well they have the best cocktails and fish tacos this side of Andromeda.” 

Rose caught Ianto’s eye as the Doctor described the beach bars. She gave him a knowing smirk, glancing at Jack. Ianto shook his head ever so slightly and she raised an eyebrow. He rolled his eyes but blushed again and she grinned smugly before turning back to the Doctor as he talked about the year long summer due to terraforming.

“This is going to be a nice  _ relaxing _ trip right?” Rose asked, bouncing up stairs to the console room. She’d changed into a simple bias-cut slip dress that floated around her ankles. Even Ianto had changed, swapping his waistcoat and jacket for shorts and a t-shirt. The Doctor, naturally, was still in his sweater and leather coat. “One where we can just sunbathe and drink and not have to save a planet or a species or the very fabric of time?”

“Of course!” The Doctor grinned. “Why wouldn’t it be?” His grin faded when he noticed the three deadpan stares he was getting from his companions. “Okay, so we may have a bit of a track record, but I promise this trip will be calm and relaxing and there will be no universe ending disasters.”

Ianto raised an eye. “Bold statement coming from someone who can’t fly to Cardiff.”

The Doctor turned to the console and spent a few minutes fine tuning the instruments. “Very carefully plotting the route.” He tapped a button to lock in the coordinates. “There. We are definitely going to Barcelona.”

“A day where we won’t have to save the universe?”

The Doctor crossed his arms and huffed. “Yes, Rose. Don’t any of you trust my flying skills?”

“No.”

“Nope.”

“Decidedly not.”

“Well, then.” The Doctor turned and pulled the lever that sent them into space without any of his usual warning, allowing the three to go sprawling across the grating when the Tardis instantly jolted. 

Ianto rolled onto his back, letting out a breathless chuckle as he met eyes with Jack. Neither of them tried to get up (it was never a good idea midflight), instead opting to stare up at the ceiling and laugh.

One last bump and the Tardis quietened. Jack bounced up, grabbing Ianto’s hand to pull him to his feet. “You’re going to love this place.” He grinned then shoved Ianto, who stumbled, none too gracefully, towards the doors.

Ianto opened the door excitedly, ready to step out onto the promised pink beaches of the Barcelonian coastline or maybe into one of the purple forests that Jack had told him were filled with nose-less dogs. He really wanted to meet one of them.

Instead, he was assaulted by a chill wind that cut straight through his summer clothes and the smell of cheeses and wine. He took one look at the distinctly European street, noticing the Victorian clothes of the men and woman walking around, then turned and walked back across the console room to the corridor that led to his bedrooms.

“Where are you going?” The Doctor asked.

“To get changed.” Ianto called over his shoulder.

Rose stuck her head out of the front door and groaned. “Doctor… you said beaches.”

“I know I did. Why are you two so annoyed?”

Jack let out a snort as he pulled the visualiser down to eye level. “Wrong Barcelona.” He turned it to the Doctor. A dot blinked on the screen showing their location: Barcelona, Spain, Earth, November, 1886.

Rose sighed, following Ianto to go change. “Wrong bloody Barcelona.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people!! This episode is written by the wonderful Lauren, but she still has Wi-Fi troubles so I (Remi) am posting these! She will, however, be able to reply to comments, don't worry!  
> Thank you so much for your responses to the two original episodes I wrote! I love hearing your thoughts and opinions, as does Lauren- so keep all the comments coming!! The Barcelona episode marks the end of our original content- after this week, we will be jumping back into Doctor Who series one canon with Boom Town (aaaaaa!!! one of my fav rewrites that Lauren has done!!) But we still have two more chapters of Barcelona fic to go yet!!  
> Thank you once more for the love and support on this fic! Find us on Tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	34. Wining with No Dining

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate Title: Ianto Spills the Beans (and the Wine)

Ianto had fully intended on changing back into his usual suit. It had served him plenty well in the past but in the short period between changing for his summer clothes and trudging back to his room, it had disappeared. All that was in his closet was an open doorway that led straight into the Tardis’ wardrobe room. 

Ianto stepped through, patting the door frame as he did. He spoke to the ship absentmindedly as he did. “Oh so now you want me to be historically accurate?” 

He could’ve sworn the lights got warmer but before he could properly think about it, Rose burst out of a nearby rack of fur coats, hugging a dress to her chest. She smirked at him. “Are you talking to the Tardis?”

“The Doctor said she was sentient.” Ianto replied defensively. 

“You want her to  _ like _ you, don’t you?”

Ianto thought back to the night he slept in the library since the Tardis only seemed to want to lead him to Jack’s room. “Better safe than sorry.”

Rose laughed. “You’re just as much of a dork as the Doctor.”

Ianto rolled his eyes, moving over to a rack of woolen suits near him. They were all in just his size. “At least, I get nice clothes when we’re forced to dress up.”

Rose gasped. “This  _ is _ a nice dress.”

Ianto just smiled at her as he riffled through his own outfit options. They were a far cry from the suits he would usually wear. The buttons (wooden or shell) were higher on both the waistcoats and jackets, with incredibly narrow lapels. The shirts, made of real cotton not polyester, had crisp standing collars; an entire box of removable linen collars of all styles sat on the dresser beside them. Even the trousers, while cut in a much similar taper to his own, had completely different fastenings and strangest of all, there was no crease pressed down the front. 

Rose came back a while later, leaning against a wardrobe as she watched Ianto struggle to attach his collar to his, well, collar. Her smirk was partially wiped through her own struggle to cross her arms in the tight sleeves of her bodice.

“I prefer suits.” Ianto wrinkled his nose as he looked in the mirror, tying his tie into a simple knot and buttoning the top of his jacket.

“That is a suit.” Rose came over, looping her arm through his once he’d tucked his watch into place.

“A twenty first century suit.”

Rose laughed. “I think you look rather dapper.”

Ianto looked at the both of them in the mirror, the picture of the 19th century. “You were right, that  _ is _ a lovely dress.” 

Rose grinned. “Watch it mister, your boyfriend might get jealous.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Ianto protested while Rose laughed. He was right though. Jack, especially this Jack, was in no way his boyfriend; his own Jack, back in the future, wasn’t even properly his boyfriend.

“Hey, don’t get sad on me. The Doctor promised us a boozy holiday, and even if we’re not on the planet Barcelona, we are still going to get one.”

Ianto laughed, squeezing her arm as they walked back to the console room. “Catalonia is known for its extraordinary wine, and has been for centuries.”

“Perfect. Let’s go get wine drunk.”

The Doctor led them out of the alley the Tardis had landed in into an open park. They were immediately surrounded by the hustle and bustle of tourists from all around the world, swarming and swirling as they moved from exhibition to exhibition. All of them, eager to experience the pieces built here by artists from all over the world.

“Barcelona World Expo, 1888!” The Doctor announced grandly, spreading his arms wide. “This is the Parc de la Ciutadella. Up until, oh a month ago I reckon, this was the citadel, a relic of past times that the citizens were glad to get rid of. And now look at it!” He grinned, turning to look at his companions. “After a failed expo in 1886, the mayor took over planning and over two years, twenty seven countries worked to create this magnificent culmination of human creativity and spirit. Fantastic!”

The Doctor continued his impromptu lecture on the history of the exposition and the art pieces displayed during it. He seemed to know each piece inside and out, some anecdotes even going as far as to suggest that he personally had a hand in creating them. Although, after 900 years of living, Ianto supposed you could get a lot done.

“–and that building over there is the Castell dels tres dracs, Castle of the Three Dragons in English, built by Domènech i Montaner for this very fair. In the future it’ll be a collection of museums and greenhouses, but at the moment it is the Expo’s own restaurant, cafe, and bar.”

“There we go then, Ianto. I know where we’re spending the day.” Rose gave the Doctor a stern look before he could argue more about seeing the art. “You–” She pointed to him, “–promised sandy beaches and day drinking. If we can’t have the beaches, we will have the drinking.”

“But–”

“Nope. You can go peruse the art; we will go peruse the wine lists.”

Ianto shrugged at Jack and the Doctor in a ‘what can I do?’ way, but there was no reluctance in his steps as he let Rose pull him towards the impressive building. He glanced back after a while to see if Jack was following but he was still with the Doctor where they had left them. 

The Doctor’s hand was on Jack’s arm, a slight frown on his face as he spoke rapidly. He was probably trying to convince Jack to look at the exhibitions with him. Ianto followed Rose into the building, assuming they'd catch up when they did.

If he was perfectly honest, Ianto was vaguely nervous about being drunk around Jack. The last time that had happened it had ended rather embarrassingly for him and in a situation that was definitely inappropriate for two people who were not boyfriends to be in. He would rather not wake up in the captain’s bed, if only because he’d never hear the end of it from Rose. Or Jack.

He’d only have a couple; he’d be fine if he only had a couple. After all, he knew his limits. 

(If anyone asked him the next morning when his hangover was raging, he would still argue that he had known his limits, and had, in fact,  _ decided _ to ignore them.)

(In reality, Ianto never even noticed when a couple drinks had been drained.) 

Jack was sprinting before the Doctor even had time to shout his trademark _Run!_ from across the room. Tentacles whipped at their heels as they escaped, stretching and morphing and quickly, oh so quickly, gaining on the two retreating figures. When Jack slammed the heavy wooden doors behind him, a single thin appendage, faster than it's brethren, was sliced straight off, falling with a wet slap to the stone floor.

He preferred a pint if he ever went to the pub with the team, and if he was drinking with Jack it was the whiskey he kept on the side table, scotch or bourbon depending on the day. Aside from the occasional nostalgic and terrible bottle of Welsh prosecco with Tosh or fancy dates where Jack insisted they splurge on a bottle, Ianto didn’t drink wine.

Before he even realised, Ianto and Rose had drained two bottles between them and the sun was hanging low in the sky. Rose leant against the wall, the last dregs of her wine sloshing around in the glass as it tipped dangerously to the side. Ianto watched it, curious to see if she’d notice if– when– it spilled. 

He could hear the blood rushing in his ears; his head was pulsing with it and his cheeks were rosy warm. There was a shout outside and then a fly was buzzing around far too close to his ear. He swatted at the air, frowning as he tried to banish the bug. The noise stopped quickly. It must’ve flown off.

At some point between noon and now he had discarded his coat over the empty chair next to him and his waistcoat hung unbuttoned. It had been too hot. He still seemed a bit too warm in the bar. He rolled his sleeves up and tried to tune back into what Rose was saying.

Instead of her warm voice, dripping slurred like honey from wine stained lips, he thought he heard the sound of Jack shouting. Probably wishful thinking. Jack wasn’t there with them. He should’ve been sat in the seat that was currently the home of Ianto's coat. Jack was somewhere with the Doctor looking at stuffy art, not here with them drinking and talking. 

He was never there for drinking and talking with the team either, always too busy standing on a rooftop to brood. How he hadn’t frozen to death before, Ianto didn’t know. Maybe he had, and just laid up there until he came back to life. Ianto suddenly felt extremely sad.

Rose noticed, knocking her foot against his until he stopped staring out of the window and focused back on her. “Have you heard a word I’ve been sayin’?”

Ianto blinked. Once, twice. What had she been saying? Something about Mickey… and passports? “No. No, sorry, I think I zoned out.” His tongue felt heavy in his mouth and his vowels seemed so much slower as he tried to force his quickly churning thoughts out of his mouth. “What were you saying?”

“Oh, nothing important.” Rose smiled softly, lips pressed to her glass. “I’m more in’erested in what you were thinkin’ about.” She drained her glass smoothly before tipping the rest of the bottle into it. 

Ianto watched as she picked up her far too full glass and sloshed a rough half into Ianto’s own. Even in his state he could tell what she was hinting at. She subtly emphasised the way she formed the word 'what' and glanced from Ianto to the empty seat next to her. She wasn’t asking what but  _ who _ , and Ianto suspected she already knew the answer.

“I wasn’t thinking about Jack.” He said, far too quickly for it to be anything but a lie. The words just tripped over each other, spilling out of his mouth. Rose smirked wickedly. Shit. Ianto had fallen straight into her trap.

“I never said you were.”

Ianto avoided having to reply by sipping slowly at his wine and staring at the tabletop, roughly hewn from a plank of wood.

“But since you brought him up… how are you and Jack?”

“There’s no such thing as me and Jack.” Ianto wanted desperately to leave it at that.

“Of course there is.”

“I suppose.” Ianto shrugged, noticing the way Rose brightened at his admittal. “Jack and I both exist as people, and quite often we exist in the same space. I know I’m okay, but I can’t comment on him.”

Rose pouted. “You know tha’s not what I meant.”

Ianto hid his smile behind his glass, and he was fully intending on keeping his swirling thoughts and even more confusing emotions on the matter between him and Jack to himself but the Rose spoke again, pointing out how painfully obvious it was that Jack liked him and Ianto’s mouth opened on its own. His lips were prised apart by the alcohol flowing through his veins and the need to finally,  _ finally, _ let someone know why he was fighting his every urge and instinct.

“I like him too.”

Rose’s grin spread across her face slowly until it reached her ears and split her face in two.

“But it doesn’t matter. Because nothing will ever come of it.”

Rose’s grin dropped. Ianto swirled his wine around his glass, aerating it. Isn’t that why people swirl wine around? Or did it just make them look cultured? Ianto always thought it made them look pretentious. He stopped swirling his wine.

“Is this because of your not-boyfriend back home?” She didn’t even let him respond before continuing. "Because I say sod him! From what I’ve heard he was an arse anyway.  _ And, _ ” she waved her glass in his face, not caring for the droplets that ran down the glass to stain her fingers. “And I mean no offense by this you know I love you with my whole heart, Ianto, but if he means so much to you, why are you stayin’ with us?” The words slurred into each other, consonants dropping here, there, and everywhere.

Ianto frowned. “The Tardis wouldn’t take me home, remember?”

Rose shrugged. “Jus’ sayin’. You didn’t much try to keep going home.”

“That’s besides the point. How is what I’m doing any different from you and Mickey? You chose to leave him.” Ianto knew it was harsh, but the words came out before he could stop them.

Rose levelled her glare, her Jackie Tyler attitude flashing behind the glazed drunkenness. Then she shrugged. “I call ‘im. ‘E knows where I am. You haven’ even tried with your man.”

“It’s more complicated than that.”

“So complicated you can’t even send a text?”

“Yes.” Ianto’s voice was getting progressively louder and Rose’s was matching his volume each time.

“Why?”

“Because it’s Jack!” He suddenly shouted. The patrons closest to them fell silent and looked round. Ianto leant forward, wine glass clutched his hand as he hissed quietly to Rose. “It’s Captain Jack bloody Harkness. That’s who my boyfriend– boss– part-time shag is back home. Some older Jack Harkness who has already lived through all this.” Ianto downed his glass and then Rose’s before standing up. The world spun suddenly and he swayed on his feet before finding his balance. Rose was still staring at him in shock.

“Now. I am going to go get us another bottle. And when I get back, we are not going to talk about this anymore.” With that he stumbled over to the bar, leaving a dumbstruck Rose in his wake, her tongue burning with unspoken questions.

"Jack! That's the wrong _fucking_ Duke!" 

"Oh..." Jack dropped back, shaking his hand out as his knuckles already started to bloom with bruises. Said diplomat was on the cobblestones, clutching at his now broken nose. "Whoops?"

And they were back to running, this time running from the Duke of Wallingford's personal guards, their swords raised in retaliation.

The walk across the bar was quite possibly the hardest thing Ianto had ever done. Then, after he’d managed to not fall over and make a fool of himself, he reached the bar and found it even harder to order the wine, pay correctly in a currency he barely understood, and thank the bartender. Judging by his confused look when Ianto had taken the bottle with a “gracias”, the Tardis didn’t translate Spanish into Spanish. Or maybe his accent was just truly awful.

By the time he had gotten back to Rose, all thoughts of Jack (except the permanent background noise in his brain that wanted to know where he was, how he was, if he was okay at all times of the day) had been pushed from his mind. There was nothing like trying to walk across a spinning room to centre a man’s thoughts.

He sat back down with a huff. “That is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”

“You blew up parliament.”

“I rest my case.”

Rose laughed as he tried to stab the cork with the screw five times, each time missing. On the fifth the tip of the corkscrew landed solidly in the side of his hand. He looked at Rose whose eyes were comically large. Her eyes moved from his hand to his face.

Part of him knew he should be more worried about having what was practically a rusty nail sticking out of his hand, but he didn’t listen to that part. Instead he met Rose’s eyes and burst out laughing. 

“Ianto! There’s a corkscrew in your hand!”

Ianto flopped back in his chair, clutching his stomach as he laughed. “I know!”

“It’s supposed to be in the wine! We can’t drink the wine if the corkscrew is in your hand!” She was laughing at this point, tears streaming from her eyes.

Ianto just about pulled himself together, clutching the bottle to his chest as he wrestled the cork free. It came out with a pop, red sloshing onto his waistcoat. He pouted down it like it had personally offended him, an expression that sent Rose back into peels of laughter.

He poured himself a glass as best he could with Rose repeatedly bumping her own glass against his pouring hand. “Lay off, you’ll get your turn!”

“I want my turn now.” She pouted.

“Well, just for that.” Ianto took his freshly filled glass, downed it in two smooth mouthfuls and then poured himself a new one. Rose gasped, completely scandalised, before grabbing the bottle from him and filling up her own glass.

Slowly their giggles turned back to companionable silence as they watched the sun set behind the arch at the entrance to the exposition. The sky turned orange and purple and then faded into the navy tones that twilight brought with it. 

On the other side of the building, that twilight was marred by an explosion that threw Jack and the Doctor tumbling forward into the carefully maintained grass of the gardens. Jack turned to the Doctor with a grin. "Well, that was an experience."

The Doctor picked himself back up, wiping the blue goo from his face. "Not one I want to repeat anytime soon."

"Get a bit too rough for you there?" Jack's quip was met by the Doctor's stern glare.

Ianto, nursing his glass, heard Rose open her mouth to speak. He prayed it wasn’t a question about Jack.

It wasn’t.

“Do you think the Doctor thinks in English or Gallifreyan?” 

Ianto snorted, turning to look at her. “Bold of you to assume he ever thinks.”

Rose laughed, then rested her chin on her hand and leant towards him. “What do you think in?”

“What?”

“Do you think in English or Welsh?”

Ianto raised an eyebrow, giving her a dry look. “Please never assume I think.”

Rose snorted as she took a sip of wine, then covered her mouth as it sprayed out of her nose. Ianto barked out a laugh and soon they were both hunched over their small table, tears streaming from their eyes and clutching at their stomachs.

“Rose… Rose.” Ianto gasped out as he regained his breath.

Rose turned her head on the table so she could see him through a blur of tears. 

“This is serious, Rose.” He patted at her hand to get her to pay attention and fully realise the gravity of what he was about to say. She straightened and it was only when she was calm and staring straight at him that he spoke. “Sometimes…” He stopped when he saw Rose’s shake from silent giggles.

“Sorry.” She cleared her throat, stopping laughing as best she could.

“Thank you.” Ianto took her hands in his. “Sometimes I worry… Sometimes I worry I can’t read.”

That immediately set Rose off again. “What the hell, Ianto?”

“I’m not kidding! What if I’ve just memorised a lot of words?”

That stopped her laugh in its tracks. “Oh my god…”

Ianto nodded slowly.

“What if I can’t read either?”

“Exactly!”

“But if you can’t read, how do you know how to write? Because you can write. You’ve got your diary.” She pointed to it poking out of his jacket.

“Maybe I’ve just memorised how to write too?”

Rose nodded, taking that as a valid argument. 

“I know how to read Welsh though. Obviously.” For once, not a single word was sarcastic.

“Obviously.” Rose was completely sincere as well.

Ianto tried to pour them each another glass, frowning when the bottle ran dry. “I’ll get another.” He nodded decisively, standing up. The floor rocked underneath him and he stumbled as he turned. Luckily, there was a body to collide with instead of the floor. 

Jack caught him, laughing slightly as he took in Ianto’s appearance; the wine stain on his waistcoat and rolled up sleeves. He’d pulled off his tie long ago and it hung unknotted around his neck, either side of his unbuttoned collar. “I think you two should probably be cut off.”

“Jack!” Ianto squeaked, stealing a glance at Rose. She smirked, waggling her eyebrows.

“Well don’t _you_ look delightful, all disheveled.” Jack leered.

Ianto fought his every instinct and stepped away, hoping the heat in his cheeks could be explained away by the wine. “Where’s… where’s um…” He flapped his hands around his ears and Jack laughed.

“Helping sort out the mess he left outside.”

“What mess?” Rose stumbled around the table to join them. 

“Did neither of you hear the fight outside? Or the explosion?”

“You got in a fucking fight?” Ianto asked while Rose gasped and said so sadly, “No one should ever fight!”

Jack chuckled. “You two really are drunk.”

Rose nodded, grinning at him.

“Come on. The Doc sent me to fetch you two.” Jack helped Rose into her overcoat and herded them out of the practically empty bar. Ianto hadn’t noticed when all the patrons had left. It must’ve been some point between their third and fourth bottle. 

There was one man still sitting in the corner, nursing a glass that was nearly empty. He smiled at Ianto, and Ianto smiled back. Then suddenly he was smiling at the wooden floorboards that were rushing up to meet him. 

With a jerk, they stopped. 

Ianto realised that he had been the one moving closer, not the floor. His foot was still wrapped around the chair he had tripped over. Jack grunted, hoisting him back up. His arm was around his waist from where he had caught him. “Careful. Wouldn’t want to break that pretty face of yours,  _ pollito _ .” 

Ianto pulled a face. 

Jack pouted. “I thought hard about that one.”

“You shouldn’t have.”

“One day,” Jack wrapped an arm around Ianto’s shoulders and guided him out of the bar. “I will find a pet name that you will accept.” 

“No you won’t.”

“I will.”

Ianto opened his mouth, perfectly ready to tell him that in fact he  _ wouldn’t _ since future Jack had been trying for years and still hadn’t succeeded since there  _ weren’t _ any pet names Ianto would accept. At least not in public. (Private was a whole different affair. Future Jack had cottoned onto that quite quickly.)

Luckily, before he could completely ruin all his efforts to keep the timelines intact, they stepped out of the Castell dels Tres Dracs and into the freezing cold of a November night. 

“Shit, it’s cold!” Ianto wrapped his arms around himself, suddenly hyper aware of the fact that his coat was still sitting on the chair in the bar. He rubbed his arms as quickly as he could in a meagre attempt to warm up. 

Then he was surrounded by warmth and a familiar comforting smell. Jack pulled his coat tighter around Ianto’s shoulders. “There. Now let's get back to the Tardis.” He strode off, keeping Rose and Ianto in his eyesight as they made their way over to the Doctor, who was waiting for them at the end of the alley where the Tardis was parked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be the filler beach ep from every anime ever but the Tardis wouldn't let them to the beach :( oh well, it's still got the vibes!  
> For anyone wondering about the sudden detailed description of a suit: it's university revision  
> Credit to New Girl for the "I worry I can't read" joke, it fitted drunk Ianto so well I just had to slip it in.  
> Also I'm back!!!!!! Our wifi got installed a lot quicker than I thought (even if I was on the phone for hours) :D  
> Thank you for all your lovely comments and kudos, as always it means the world to us!  
> Our Tumblrs are @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez! See you next chapter with Peas and Bananas and Horrible Nicknames!  
> (Also I did some art of Ianto's outfit in this chapter, check it out at https://garknessandbones.tumblr.com/post/623538324896972800/a-costume-design-for-companion-ianto-mid-trip-to )


	35. Peas and Bananas and Horrible Nicknames

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Turns Into Britney Spears

“When you said you were drinking, I didn’t realise you meant this much.” The Doctor peered at the two drunks stumbling down the street. 

“Shut up.” Rose giggled, clinging to Ianto’s arm. “We are young dumb people in our early twenties. We are allowed to get wankered.”

“Exactly. We are allowed to wank– get wankered.” Ianto stumbled forwards when Rose left his side to run to a nearby bush. He collided with the very solid form of Jack.

The captain caught him with ease. When Ianto looked up his face was only inches from Jack’s, so close that he had to pick his favourite feature to focus on. It was a very close toss up between his eyes, his ears, and his mouth. Ears seemed the safest bet, least likely to prompt any embarrassing actions, so naturally, Ianto ended up staring straight at his lips. They started moving and Ianto realised that he was talking to him.

“...old are you, Ianto?”

Ianto furrowed his brow. “I’m… Rose, how old am I?”

“You’re twenty four.” It was a good thing that Ianto didn’t need her to repeat herself as she immediately doubled over and threw up into the bush she was crouched by.

Ianto watched the Doctor pull her hair back gently and rub her back before he looked back at Jack. Neither of them had moved any further away from each other. “I’m twenty four.”

“God, you’ll make me a cradle robber.” 

“‘I have measured my life in coffee spoons’.” The soft lilt of his strongly Welsh vowels made it clear he was quoting something. It was, in fact, a line from a poem by T. S. Eliot. Ianto wasn’t a big fan of poetry, but Jack had collected a few books over his long life and had taken to reading them aloud to him. An anthology sat on his bedside table (a gift from no celebration in particular, except perhaps the celebration of an entire evening free of the rift), another on Jack’s in his bunker. That one line had stuck with Ianto, and not just because of the coffee.

Jack looked at him questioningly, head tilted and mouth turned up into a soft smile. They still hadn’t pulled apart. “How many coffee spoons old are you?”

“More than any human should have consumed.”

Jack laughed at that, hands squeezing Ianto’s elbows. The sounds of Rose retching had stopped. Without them, the scene was almost romantic. Almost being the keyword, since the Doctor being anywhere near a situation automatically removed any romance and managed to diffuse even Jack-induced sexual tension. For the most part.

The almost romantic scene was broken by the Doctor, with a very drunk Rose hanging off his sleeve, clapping Ianto on the back. “To the Tardis, eh?”

“I left my coat.”

“I know. That’s why you’re wearing mine.” Jack hauled him out of the gutter Ianto had somehow found himself in. “Getting shit all over it. Good thing I don’t have any strong attachment to it.” 

Ianto found himself remembering the old blue RAF coat he was so used to cleaning after a weevil hunt. It was much nicer than the brown tweed sack jacket he was currently borrowing. “Good. It’s a shitty coat.”

Jack snorted. “I thought you liked the coat. Seemed happy to steal it.” He set Ianto back on his feet, balancing him until he could stand on his own. “Now can you walk, or am I gonna have to throw you over my shoulder?”

“You,  _ sir _ , can throw me anywhere you want.” Ianto flashed him a smirk.

Jack opened his mouth to reply, grinning as he got used to this new, much flirtier side of Ianto, but Ianto was already gone, lurching off to join Rose. She grabbed his arm as soon as he was close enough. He quickly found it looped around her own.

“Toxic is classical music in the year five billion.” She said, absolutely no context offered nor required. Both of them were far too inebriated to worry about the thought processes that lead them to any sentences actually spoken aloud. 

“By Britney Spears?”

Rose nodded.

Ianto hummed thoughtfully. “Good. It’s a fucking banger.”

“Ianto!” She gasped, then burst into peals of laughter. “You never swear!”

Ianto grinned at her, before starting to sing (very badly) at the top of his lungs. “Baby can’t you see! I’m  _ fucking _ toxic!” 

Rose interrupted him with a playful slap to his bicep. “Those aren’t even the right words! And you sang the baby all wrong.”

“Well how do you sing it then?” 

Rose cleared her throat before letting out a nasally drawl of a baby. Ianto started laughing.

“Like this?” He mimicked her version of the baby and she nodded excitedly. 

“Exactly!”

Ianto started the song over. “Baby! Can’t you see!” 

Rose grabbed his hand, swinging it wildly back and forth as they half danced, half stumbled down the street. “A guy like you should wear a warning!” She turned to point at Ianto for the next line. “It's dangerous–”

“I’m falling.” He sang back through breathless laughter. 

Rose lifted his hand so she could twirl underneath it as she continued with the mess of whees and woos that made up the backing track. He could hear Jack laughing somewhere behind him. 

Oh god, Jack had just seen him singing. 

He knew that he should probably care a lot more about that (and all the other embarrassing things he had done that night) but he couldn’t bring himself to. Not when Rose was dancing like there wasn’t a care in the world, illuminated by the warm streetlights. 

She never let go of his hand, not even when she stopped dancing. Their arms swung back and forth in such an exaggerated way that a passerby could tell they were drunk even if they could walk steady. “You’re bad at singing.”

Ianto snorted, looping his arm around Rose without letting go of her hand. “I’m bad at everything. Couldn’t even get into uni.”

She laughed. “Me too. I never even got my A levels.”

“We’re two peas in a pod.” 

Rose grinned at him, staying tucked under his arm. Then, all of a sudden, she pulled away and bounded forward. His arm was nearly wrenched out of his socket before he had the good sense to release her hand. “Except, I’m good at gymnastics! I got bronze on the Jericho Street Junior School under 7s gymnastic team!”

Ianto vaguely heard the Doctor mutter something that sounded a lot like “oh god, not the bloody gymnastics again” but then he was distracted by the joyful shriek that Rose let out as she cartwheeled down the street. He gave chase; for once he didn’t have to run after a weevil, or away from whatever alien was trying to attack him. There was no evil plot to ruin space and time, no time constraints or panic. It was freeing and unfocused and  _ fun _ .

It was so much fun.

He felt like the young man he never had the chance to be. The weight of the world had fallen from his shoulders. (He didn’t know when. Maybe it had been happening slowly ever since Jack had joined the Tardis team. Maybe it had happened all at once when Rose and he ordered the first bottle of wine.) 

Somewhere behind him the Doctor shouted, “Be careful!” 

Ianto and Rose both ignored him.

They were out of breath by the time they reached the glowing light of the Tardis. It cast a golden warmth over the two as they sat, limbs and heads resting heavily on one another in a pile of giggling and half murmured jokes.

It only took a couple minutes for the Doctor and Jack to reach them, sharing a bemused look before they untangled the pair from each other. Calloused hands were soft on Ianto’s biceps, helping him into the warmth of the Tardis. 

He didn’t think he’d heard the Doctor sound as fond as he did when he spoke to Rose. “Come on, Rosie, let’s get you to bed.” 

She giggled softly, letting the Time Lord pick her up. “Rosie. I like that nickname.”

His large ears were visibly red even from where Ianto was standing. He cleared his throat, gruff demeanor going back up. “Well, you’re not going to hear it again.” He hoisted her higher in his arms as he carried her through the console room and into the corridors that held their rooms.

Ianto watched them disappear with a small smile.

“Cute, aren’t they.” Jack’s voice made him jolt, even though the other man’s arm had still been around him, guiding him to the jumpseat. “And yet neither of them have any clue that they’re in love.”

“They must do.” He leant back, the movement making the old springs of the seat squeak. “No one can be that oblivious.” 

Jack didn’t respond for so long that Ianto turned to look at him. He was staring at Ianto, a bemused look that Ianto couldn’t figure out gracing his features. Jack schooled them into his usual cocky grin before he replied. “Maybe, maybe not.” 

Ianto, usually sure he could read even the most enigmatic of of Jack’s quips (maybe not perfectly, but he could always get the gist) was clueless as to what that meant, especially with the softness in his eyes that was so rare in the Jack he knew in the future. They were almost two different people, Ianto realised, and he was comparing them like he would a new lover to an ex, like he compared Jack to Lisa in the early days.

Jack broke the eye contact first, looking down at his hands. He passed Ianto a banana. “Doctor said potassium works miracles preventing hangovers.”

“Not the kind of banana I usually eat when I’m this drunk but it’ll do.” Ianto deadpanned, then proceeded to shove a large mouthful of banana straight into his mouth. 

The innuendo hadn’t been his best work, and he honestly expected it to fall completely flat when he was a little over-enthusiastic in his banana eating, hitting the back of his throat and making him cough. But when he looked over at Jack, he was grinning the grin that Ianto knew like the back of his hand; a grin that promised a multitude of sins.

He waited for his quip to be returned, something about how another banana could be provided if this one wasn’t satisfactory enough. Then Ianto could respond with a dry remark about satisfaction levels, and it would all culminate in them stumbling down the corridors and into Jack’s bedroom– or maybe Ianto’s. They would wake up in the morning and Ianto would have a raging headache and the worst morning breath. 

And it would be like the time after the faeries, when Jack had turned up at his door and they’d drunk far too much whiskey and woken up in the morning and Ianto had had a raging headache and the worst morning breath and Jack had been gone. They had never spoken about it, not even when Jack had come back and asked him on a real date.

Ianto would do it again, drunk but willingly.

Ianto would do it again, sober and willingly.

He waited for the quip but it never came. Instead Jack picked a leaf out of Ianto’s tousled hair and watched as he finished the banana. He could see it, the innuendo, forever dancing on the tip of Jack’s tongue, held back with a promise not to push him too far, to wait until he was ready. Ianto wanted to shout that he  _ was _ ready; he was sick of waiting. 

All these thoughts whirled through his head like a tornado but somewhere between his brain and his mouth they got confused and sluggish. By the time they had pushed their way through the treacle of his inebriated systems, they had twisted and morphed into something that tried to say what he meant but came out completely wrong, only a semblance of the emotion remaining.

Which is how Ianto, instead of confessing his feeling for Jack, ended up telling him:

“I left my coat.” 

“So you’ve said.”

Part of his brain was screaming at him to stop being a prat and fess up. That part of his brain was obviously not the same part that actually controlled his mouth.

“My diary was in my coat.”

Jack’s bemused expression turned to one of understanding. “Ah. Yeah.” He reached into his trouser pocket and handed the well worn diary to Ianto. Paper and post-its poked out from the edges, too much information inside to be kept to simply the bound pages; meticulous recordings never meant meticulous looking. “The Doctor said you’d be wanting this back.”

Ianto practically snatched it off him.

Jack put his hands up defensively, cutting off Ianto’s thought process before it had barely begun. “I didn’t read it. Don’t worry, snuggle butt.” Jack laughed at Ianto’s disgusted face. “No? Not even when you’re drunk?”

Ianto shook his head and stifled a yawn. The banana had sobered him up just enough to let a bone aching tiredness in, no longer masked by the fuzziness of alcohol. His eyelids dropped slightly.

“Let’s get you to bed, sweetheart.” 

For once, Ianto didn’t protest the endearment.

It was quiet in his room, still, peaceful. The only noise was the soft rustle of wool and cotton as Ianto stripped off his suit. Jack’s quiet chuckle when Ianto tripped on a trouser leg didn’t quite break the atmosphere; it just elicited a half hearted glare and a grin in return. 

Jack had offered (even if at some points the offers felt more like threats) to carry Ianto when his feet dragged and his drunken listlessness had nearly sent him into the wall. Each time Ianto had refused, even as Jack snaked his arm around his waist to keep him standing upright. He was still helping now.

Jack pulled the duvet back on his bed and stepped away as Ianto plopped heavily down. He looked up at Jack but Jack’s eyes weren’t anywhere near his face; they were focused on the rather large hole in Ianto’s hand from the bottle opener. He’d forgotten about that.

“That’s gonna get infected if you don’t deal with it.”

“Doesn’t hurt.” Ianto made to stand up again, somehow stagger to the bathroom to wash the mud from around it, but Jack was already coming back from the small en suite with a damp flannel and a first aid kit. He knelt down on the carpet in front of Ianto’s feet and gently started cleaning the wound.

(Future Jack had done that once– just once– when Ianto had been impaled through the thumb by a particularly nasty piece of alien tech he’d been filing away in the archives. That had been his other hand. He didn’t have the scar anymore, the nanogenes had taken care of that.) 

Present Jack glanced up at him while he wrapped the bandages around Ianto’s palm and tied them carefully and Ianto realised he must’ve been staring for a while. Maybe he should say something.

“You said there was a fight outside?”

Jack hummed a yes, focused once again on Ianto’s injury. Jack’s hands were warm on his own.

“Did you start it?”

Jack paused, looking vaguely sheepish. “I had a good cause.”

“What did you two  _ do _ today?”

“Not getting rip roaring drunk, that’s what I did.”

Ianto pouted. 

Jack just smiled back, pushing Ianto’s shoulders gently until he lay down. “I’ll tell you sometime when you’ll be able to remember it in the morning, pumpkin.” He tucked the sheets around Ianto like he was a boy. “Bucket’s next to the bed.” 

Ianto watched as Jack picked up his clothes and dropped them into the hamper by the door. Jack hovered in the doorway for a moment, hand resting on the lightswitch. “Goodnight, Ianto.”

Ianto smiled, closing his eyes. “Night, Jack.” He heard the click of the switch and the red glow coming through his eyelids turned to black. He heard a soft mumble from the door, too quiet for him to distinguish the words, and then the click of the door’s latch. Jack’s footsteps got quieter until they faded away.

An undetermined amount of time later, after spending a while lying down with the world spinning, and longer scribbling the note in his hand. Ianto padded out of his room and down the corridor to Jack’s door. The list, scrawled onto a piece of paper torn from his diary, was crumpled up in his hand. The walls spun but he soldiered on, determined in his task. He rapped sharply on the door. 

“Coming!” Jack called, voice muffled by the door. Then there were a few bumps and bangs, the distinctive sound of Jack cursing and the soft fall of fabric. He’d probably gotten the sheets (he ran too hot for a duvet) tangled around his legs and tripped over them when he’d tried to stand up. He was always doing that.

The door opened to reveal a half naked and mostly asleep Jack. He woke up at the sight of Ianto in his undershirt and pants, running his hand through his hair in a subtle attempt to fix his bedhead. “Ianto? Am I gonna have to tie you to the bed to get you to sleep?”

“Not that I’d have any complaints with that, but I think you’d have to tire me out first if you want me to actually sleep.”

Jack seemed to choke on air, biting his lip to hide something that Ianto wasn’t sure would be a smirk or a full blown grin.

Ianto took pity on him; he was so clearly warring between wanting to respond and being very aware of how much Ianto had drunk. Although, he felt a lot more sober than he had earlier, as long as he ignored the fact that Jack’s face looked all swirly and that the Tardis was still rocking under his feet.

So, in his very sober generosity, he spoke into the silence. “I’m not here to get in your bed.”

(The silence hadn’t even been a silence. Ianto had added the clarification with barely enough time for Jack to even think of a response to his earlier innuendo.)

Jack laughed. “I didn’t think you were.” Then he shrugged. “Hope? Maybe. Fantasized? Definitely. But think? I never do that.”

Ianto rolled his eyes at Jack’s antics.

“So snookums, if not for my bed, why are you here?”

Ianto just held the crumpled paper out to him. Jack gave it a look, then raised an eyebrow at him. Ianto shook it, urging Jack to take it off him.

Jack obliged him, smoothing the sheet out on the doorframe. “ _ A List of Nicknames Jack Has Called Me _ ?” He peered at Ianto, who had taken to leaning on the doorframe to keep his balance. “Does that say ‘that I hate’ underneath it?” 

Ianto shrugged. “I told you I hate your pet names.”

“Oh so they’re  _ pet names _ now?” Jack chuckled at Ianto’s glare. “Why are you giving me this?”

“Other side.” Ianto crossed his arms, eyes going to his feet as he suddenly got embarrassed.

“Nicknames you  _ can _ call me.” Jack’s beam was evident in his voice as he took to voicing his thoughts as he read. “Handsome and sexy… appropriate situations? As long as I don’t abuse it? How dare you assume I’d abuse it.” A look was all Jack needed to shrug sheepishly. “Okay maybe I’d abuse it, but I’ll try not to. Handsome.”

Ianto groaned and tried to snatch the paper back. “This was a bad idea. A very bad, drunk, idea.”

Jack held it just out of reach. “Ah-ah-ah.” He pushed Ianto back gently. “No takesies-backsies. Let me read.”

Ianto huffed, watching Jack’s expression as he read through the rest of it. 

“Sweetheart, only if you’re sick –hopefully you’re never dying– that seems fair. Yan only if  _ I’m _ sick or dying. Huh, didn’t even think about shortening your name.”

“Just like you to go straight for the  _ creative _ nicknames.”

Jack grinned at him, then looked back at the paper. “Hey! How come hangovers count as dying for you but not for me?”

Ianto just smiled innocently as Jack huffed. 

“Honey - only if we’re undercover pretending to be a married couple to investigate a threat of alien invasion… That’s… oddly specific.”

Ianto shrugged. “I like specific things.”

“Well,  _ honey _ , can I expand it to include all threats of aliens, both invasion and otherwise?”

“If I allowed that, you’d define a threat as the Doctor frowning at you.”

“He can be threatening! It’s the way his forehead wrinkles.”

Ianto immediately regretted rolling his eyes when it sent a wave of nausea through him. “I’ll allow just alien invasion. No married couple.” 

“I’ll take that.” Jack kept reading. “Never call you… Teaboy?”

“My colleague calls me it.” Ianto explained. “I hate it.” 

Jack nodded, taking at least that one seriously. “And I’m only allowed to call you eye candy if I’m wearing a red military jacket and have a knife or gun pointed at you?”

He nodded like it was the most normal out of all of them.

Jack merely hummed. “I had a partner once, he used to wear a military jacket, red too. Weren’t together long but let me tell you it felt like years.”

“Time loop?” Jack’s shocked expression had Ianto laughing. “Would you believe it was a lucky guess?”

Jack just shook his head. “You never fail to astound me, Ianto.”

“Believe that I know everything now?”

“You definitely know more than I ever could.” Jack smiled, a genuine smile that he rarely saw on the Jack back at Torchwood. “But, you don’t know when to go to bed.”

“Is the correct answer now?”

Jack laughed softly. “Yup. I’ll see you tomorrow, handsome.” He leant in, slowly so that Ianto had all the time he could need to pull away. Then he rested his hands on Ianto’s forearms and brushed his lips against his cheek. 

Ianto lifted his hands, squeezing Jack’s arms gently. “Night, Jack.” And with that, only stumbling a few times, he went back to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I'm gonna say is that I feel so bad for how Ianto and Rose will feel in the morning, since I'm currently living about ten hours ahead of them and slowly dying (don't drink kids!) Also we did the maths and (unless the diary took a shortcut to the museum) it's over 5300 years old. Hell of an old book.  
> And that's the end of our original episodes (at least for a while). We'd love to find out which one was y'all's favourite!!! And if you have any ideas that you'd like to see us write we're happy to take suggestions (We have four books to fill and very few brain cells to call our own)  
> We jump back into season 1 on Wednesday with Boomtown!!!!! (super excited for y'all's reactions to that one)  
> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos and as ever feel free to shoot us an ask on @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	36. Boomtown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Goes Home (Kind Of...)

It was warm in the Tardis. Not quite warm enough to be bothersome, but hot enough that Ianto made a cup of iced coffee that morning to soothe his two day old hangover rather than steaming hot. He shed his jacket and waistcoat soon after joining the Doctor in the console room. It was a ‘repair and refuel day’ as the Doctor insisted, no matter how many times Rose decided to refer to it as the Tardis’ spa day. (They both, however, were grateful, as neither were recovered from their drunken antics in Barcelona.)

“It’s weird.” Ianto remarked as he passed the Doctor yet another ridiculous looking tool.

The Doctor held his sonic in his mouth to take the tool. “Wha’s weir’?”

“Well, we can land the Tardis in 2006, but not 2008? How come she wouldn’t let me go home?”

The Doctor shrugged. “She wants you here, Ianto.” He gave the welshman one of his stares, the kind that made Ianto feel like he knew everything there was to know about the past, the present, the future. “I get the feeling you’re important.” Then his serious expression was wiped away with a blinding smile. “Or maybe there’s a glitch in her mainframe I haven’t spotted.”

Ianto hummed, considering it. A glitch seemed much more likely than him being important in any significant way. 

“Pass us the extrapolator, would you?” 

Ianto hedged his bets and reached for a deceptively simple tool, just a silver tube with a bulb at the end. When he held it up, the Doctor frowned.

“No that’s the light extrapolator. I need the artron extrapolator.”

“Honestly Ianto, how could you  _ ever _ confuse them.” Rose gasped in mock horror, looking much too spritely for someone who had still been puking from a hangover the night before. She waved the ice lolly she’d been sucking on around in the air to emphasise her point.

“Please, Rose, point me to the  _ artron extrapolator _ .” Ianto shot back. 

“That’s your job, not mine.”

“No, yours appears to be sitting around, looking pretty.”

“Speaking of sitting around and…” The Doctor cleared his throat, quickly moving on. “This would be a lot easier if I didn’t have to hang off a stepladder. Are you going to let me have my repair swing back?”

The Doctor was referring to the metal seat that Rose was currently sitting on, her legs dangling over the console below. It was suspended by old chains from a movable arm that attached (Ianto wasn’t sure exactly where) to the ceiling. She stuck her lolly in her mouth, holding the chains and slowly shifting her weight to swing back and forth. Her forward swing brought her close enough to the Doctor that he could probably reach out and grab her ankle if he wanted to. Instead he just gave her a wry look. 

She pulled the lolly out of her mouth with a pop, tongue touching her teeth as she grinned. “No, I don’t think I will.” 

“That’s supposed to be for repairs? I thought it was a sex swing.” Ianto turned to see Jack jogging up the steps in a truly horrible pair of chinos. Not for the first time, Ianto wondered when in the next hundred or so years Jack would develop a sense of style. He draped himself over the railing next to Ianto, looking at him. “Didn’t you?”

“Surprisingly, no, I didn’t assume there was a sex swing in the middle of the console room.”

“But if it was, would you give it a spin?”

Ianto looked at the swing appraisingly then back to Jack, completely deadpan. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Jack grinned at him goofily while Rose pulled a face.

“Oi, stop it you two.” 

The Doctor muttered something under his breath about them being as bad as each other while Rose pressed at the buttons on the swing’s control. “Doctor, how do I get down? I don’t like this anymore.”

Jack and Ianto dissolved into laughter, drowning out the Doctor as he tried to explain the gallifreyan controls to a perplexed Rose. All she succeeded in doing with her button smashing was to raise the swing and move out above the lower level, getting her even more stuck than she was before. 

Then there was a knock on the door. 

The Doctor was too busy trying to get a more and more flustered Rose down from the swing with his sonic to even notice, so Jack pushed off from the railing and sauntered over to the door. 

He opened it, frowning at whoever was outside. “Who the hell are you?”

Ianto wiped the grease off his hands with a rag, moving around the console and closer to the door to get a glimpse of who it was. He didn’t need to catch sight of a face, as he recognised the voice as soon as the man spoke.

“What do you mean, who the hell am I? Who the hell are you?”

“Captain Jack Harkness. Whatever you're selling, we're not buying.” Jack’s voice pitched up a little at the end in surprise as Ianto barged past him.

“Mickey!” 

Mickey’s frown turned into a smile when he saw the other man. They hugged, clapping each other on the back twice before they both pulled back. Mickey eyed him up and down. “You look different.”

Ianto nodded severely. “Mhmm. I know. This is what I look like  _ not _ covered in alien goo or wearing your joggers.”

Mickey barked a laugh and Ianto stood back to let him into the Tardis. He shoved past Jack, who gave him a very unimpressed look.

“Don't tell me. This must be Mickey.” Jack’s drawl was dry and unimpressed.

Ianto suppressed his smile at Jack’s childish petulance, simply closing the door behind them.

The Doctor had moved the stepladder over to Rose and was now precariously standing on the top step, using his screwdriver on the controls while Rose watched. Both the ladder and the swing swayed slightly as he turned to look at the new arrival. “Here comes trouble! How're you doing, Ricky boy?”

“It's Mickey!”

Rose gave the Doctor a fond but exasperated look. “Don't listen to him, he's winding you up.”

“You look fantastic. Why are you on a swing?”

“She got stuck up there.” Ianto commented.

“It’s these controls! They’re so confusing.”

“Well I could’ve gotten you down by now if you hadn't jammed them.” The Doctor grumbled, whacking the controls a few times.

“Sonic it again.”

“The sonic isn’t  _ working _ on them, Rose.”

“Well,  _ try it again _ .”

“Why would it be any different this time?”

“I don’t know, try a different setting.”

“I’ve  _ tried _ all the settings.” 

“Even setting 2-heart-567/alpha?”

“Yes, Rose, even 2-heart-567/alpha. You saw me try that setting.”

“Well what ab–”

“Why don’t you both just climb down the stepladder?” Mickey asked, shocking the squabbling couple out of their argument. Sometimes they really did seem like an old married couple.

“What?” The Doctor asked, giving him a wildly unimpressed look.

“She’s like two inches from the ladder. Can't you both just get down that way?”

Rose and the Doctor both looked at each other, then at the ladder that was definitely within Rose’s reach, then back at each other. 

“Right. Good plan, Ricky.” 

Mickey rolled his eyes. Rose took the Doctor’s offered hand and gingerly joined him on the top of the stepladder. They both climbed down carefully, Ianto taking Rose’s hand to steady her when she reached the bottom. Then she rushed over to Mickey. He caught her in a tight hug and spun her around while she giggled gleefully.

“Aw, sweet, look at these two.” Jack rolled his head to look at Ianto. “Hey, handsome, how come I never get any of that?”

“Buy me dinner first.” 

Jack sighed. “You're such hard work.”

“But worth it.” Ianto joked, but there was something about Jack’s expression and the way he held the eye contact that made the words hang in the air so much more heavily than they were supposed to. Jack broke the eye contact first but a small smile was playing on his lips. Ianto turned his attention back to Mickey and Rose but part of his mind was still on Jack, thinking about the exchange and the restaurant future Jack took him to on their first real date.

Mickey was giving a passport to Rose. She opened it, flicking through the pages to double check it was hers, then snapped it closed with a grin and spun to face the Doctor. “I can go anywhere now.”

“I told you,” He leant on the console, “you don't need a passport.”

“It's all very well going to Platform One and Justicia and the Glass Pyramid of San Kaloon, but what if we end up in Brazil? I might need it. You see, I'm prepared for anything.” She waved the passport in his face.

“Ianto doesn’t have a passport and he’s alright. Aren’t you Ianto?”

Ianto went over to his jacket, lying abandoned over the jumpseat. He rummaged in the breast pocket for a minute before pulling out the red booklet. “Actually, I already had my passport. Prepared for everything and all that.”

The Doctor frowned. “You’re saying you fell through a rift in time and space… and you had your passport on you?”

Ianto shrugged. 

Mickey looked around at the rag-tag group, confused. “So, what're you doing in Cardiff? And who the hell's Jumping Jack Flash? I mean, I don't mind you hanging out with big-ears up there–”

“Oi!” The Doctor covered his ears with his hands protectively.

Mickey gave him an unimpressed and thinly veiled glare. “Look in the mirror. And Ianto’s not a threat.”

Ianto frowned. “I like women too.”

Mickey frowned, then realisation dawned on his face (and Ianto suddenly remembered he'd never _actually_ told Mickey he liked men). He held his hands up in apology. “Not in that way, just meant we’re mates y’know. Bro code and all that.” Ianto nodded, accepting his reasoning easily. Mickey carried on. “But this guy, I don't know, he's kind of…”

Jack smirked. “Handsome?”

Mickey somehow looked even less impressed than he did with the Doctor. “More like cheesy.”

“Early twenty first Century slang.” Jack hummed, looking at Ianto for his opinion. “Is cheesy good or bad?” 

“It's bad.”

Jack grinned, leaning close into Ianto’s personal space. “But bad means good, isn't that right?”

Ianto grabbed Jack’s chin gently to push him away with a roll of his eyes.

The Doctor still seemed to be stuck on the ears comment. His hands hadn’t moved from his head. “Are you saying I'm not handsome?”

Rose sighed, heading off both bruised egos before any more arguments could start. “We just stopped off.”

“We need to refuel.” Ianto explained. “Cardiff's got this rift running through the middle of the city. It's invisible, but it's a lot like an earthquake fault between different dimensions.”

“The rift was healed back in 1869.” The Doctor added.

Rose interrupted him. “Thanks to a girl named Gwyneth, because these creatures called the Gelth, they were using the rift as a gateway but she saved the world and closed it.”

“But closing a rift always leaves a scar, and that scar generates energy, harmless to the human race,” Jack continued.

“Except for when things slip through it.” Ianto gestured to himself as an example.

“But,” The Doctor wagged his finger at Mickey, “perfect for the Tardis, so just park it here for a couple of days right on top of the scar and,”

“Open up the engines, soak up the radiation.” Ianto pointed to Rose for her to carry it on.

She obliged. “Like filling her up with petrol and off we go!”

“Into time!” Jack pumped the air with his fist, and flung his arms around the shoulders of both Ianto and the Doctor.

“And space!” They all chorused, grinning like maniacs (or maybe just people who have spent far too much time together).

“My God, have you seen yourselves?” Mickey snorted, crossing his arms. “You all think you're so clever, don't you?”

The Doctor nodded. “Yeah.”

“Yeah.” Rose giggled.

Jack winked at him. “Yep!”

Mickey turned to Ianto with a pleading look like he was the only sane one left. Ianto could only shrug helplessly. “We are pretty clever.”

Mickey’s face crumpled as he realised,  _ Oh god. They’re all as bad as each other. _

The Doctor ushered all of them out of the Tardis quickly. Ianto didn’t even have time to grab his jacket before the time lord was pushing at his back. Jack managed to snag two random jackets from the coat rack by the door, offering one to Ianto as the Doctor locked the Tardis behind them. “Sand bomber or black denim?” 

Ianto took the denim jacket; it reminded him of something he would’ve worn before Torchwood and all the suits. He shrugged it on over his shirt. “The bomber matches your trousers.” He offered as a sort of explanation.

“Do you like them?” Jack stuck a leg out and grinned. 

Ianto shared a look with Rose, deflecting from the question. “There’s a shopping centre not far from here. Anyone fancy a day about town?”

The Doctor nodded in agreement. “Should take another twenty four hours, which means we've got time to kill.”

“That old lady's staring.” Mickey nodded towards her. Said lady had been staring but would probably pass them off as yet another one of Cardiff’s many anomalies. God knows there were enough of them, especially this close to the base. That old lady had probably seen three weevils in the past week alone. Maybe a blowfish too.

“Probably wondering what five people could do inside a small wooden box.” Jack nudged Mickey with his elbow and waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Mickey shrugged him off. “What are you captain of, the Innuendo Squad?”

Jack rolled his eyes, putting his fingers together to make a W and sneering at Mickey as he walked away. Ianto laughed but he couldn’t help the small pang that went through him whenever Jack did something that was so painfully familiar to his own Jack. His own Jack that was probably running around somewhere nearby. Shit.

“Wait, the Tardis!” Mickey called after the time travellers. The Doctor stopped and turned to regard him. Mickey continued, “We can't just leave it. Doesn't it get noticed?”

“Yeah, what's with the police box?” Jack asked. “Why does it look like that?”

Ianto grinned. “It's a cloaking device.”

“It's called a chameleon circuit. The Tardis is meant to disguise itself wherever it lands, like if this was Ancient Rome, it'd be a statue on a plinth or something.” The Doctor stroked the side of the box. “But I landed in the 1960s, it disguised itself as a police box, and the circuit got stuck.” 

Mickey frowned. “So it copied a real thing? There actually was police boxes?”

The Doctor nodded. “Yeah, on street corners. Phone for help before they had radios and mobiles. If they arrested someone, they could shove them inside till help came, like a little prison cell.”

“Why don't you just fix the circuit?” 

The Doctor frowned, looking personally offended. “I like it, don't you?”

“I love it.” Rose smiled at the Doctor.

Ianto nodded. “Me too.”

“But that's what I meant. There's no police boxes anymore, so doesn't it get noticed?”

“Rickey,” The Doctor crossed his arms and leant against the box, “let me tell you something about the human race. You put a mysterious blue box slap bang in the middle of town, what do they do?” He raised an eyebrow, daring Mickey, or any of them, to answer. No one did. “Walk past it. Now, stop your nagging. Let's go and explore.” He grinned and clapped his hands together.

“What's the plan?” Rose hooked her arm around the Doctor’s as their small group walked across the Plass.

“I don't know. Cardiff, early twenty first century and the wind's coming from the east. Trust me. Safest place in the universe.”

Ianto gave him a dry look, one eyebrow raised.

The Doctor frowned. “What?”

“You may be an immortal time lord that knows pretty much everything about the universe but this is Cardiff. The place where I hunt down alien threats for a living.”

The Doctor pouted slightly. “I guess that’s a fair point.”

Rose laughed, switching to hug Ianto’s arm instead of the Doctor’s. “Looks like Ianto’s in charge of this trip then!” 

Ianto realised that taking Jack clothes shopping was a bad idea somewhere around the third or fourth time he suggested dressing room sex. He’d tried to at least put a slight damper on it by sticking close to Mickey. He should’ve known better than to assume Jack knew how to behave around other people.

If anything, hanging out with Mickey made it worse. 

The Doctor and Rose had drifted into the hat shop across the street. Ianto could see them through the store window; Rose was sticking a woolly hat on the Doctor’s head, yanking the tassels on the ear flaps until it was low enough that he couldn’t see. He flailed and she laughed and then he pulled the hat up so it was sitting properly and they were both laughing.

“Oi, mate!” Mickey called from across the street. Ianto jogged over. “Captain Cheesecake’s gone in Topman.” He nodded into the open doorway he was standing in.

Jack was inside, only his chest up visible over the racks of clothes. He flashed Ianto a grin, proudly holding up the latest in a long line of straight cut blue jeans. Ianto gave him a thumbs up and an encouraging –albeit slightly forced– smile (there was a reason he didn’t mind dealing with Jack’s clothes himself, back in the future; Jack could pick up three entirely identical shirts and agonise over which one to get for hours).

As soon as Jack looked down, the smile dropped. “Captain Cheesecake?”

Mickey shrugged as he flicked through hangers without much interest. “He kinda smells like cheesecake.”

Ianto snorted.

“Hey, I’m not wrong!” Mickey shouldered him good naturedly.

“Not saying you were. Just don’t tell him that.”

Mickey glanced over to Jack. “So are you two… y’know? Not that I’ve got a problem with that!” He added quickly. “Love who you love and all that. It’s all natural. Not that I’m gay or anything I just...”

Ianto watched Mickey stumble over his words with a bemused smile and a raised eyebrow. Mickey trailed off, giving Ianto a sheepish grin. 

“We’re not dating. Or shagging.”

“Right. Good.”

Ianto glanced at him. 

“He’s a bit of an arse.”

“You’re not wrong there.” Even from across the store, Ianto could tell Jack was flirting with the shophand that had come over to help him; it was clear in his signature grin and the blush gracing her cheeks. 

It was strange. There was another Jack less than a mile away, sitting in his office under the Plass. Probably holing himself up so he didn’t run into past him and disrupt timelines. Ianto hated to imagine what would happen if Tosh or Owen or even Suzie saw him, if they came running up to ask why exactly Jack was bunking off work to go clothes shopping. 

None of them would even recognise him yet. Not for another year.

“Hey Mick?”

Mickey hummed.

“I’ve got to go check on something down by the bay. Text me if you guys go anywhere.”

“Sure thing.”

The sun glittered on the quiet waves, sending flecks of light bouncing towards the tourists and their cameras all trying in vain to capture the sight. It may have been rapidly approaching autumn, the nip in the air making Ianto grateful for the jacket Jack had given him, but Mermaid Quay was still bustling with people from near and not quite so near. 

A group of university students dangled their legs over the edge of the pier. The ice creams in their hands were barely melting in the bright sun. One of them laughed, all of them thrilled at the idea of eating ice cream cones in so clearly not ice cream weather, and Ianto was one again struck by the fact that no one here knew  _ anything _ .

The bloke buying a packet of Walkers and a Mars bar with spare change knew nothing. The woman flipping through a fashion magazine knew nothing. Her daughter tugging at her purse and begging for a kinder egg knew nothing. The man behind the counter handing Ianto a pack of Sterling Dual knew nothing. 

No one knew that there were warrens of archives and aliens and technology far beyond this time hidden beneath their very feet. No one knew that Weevils prowled the streets at night. No one knew how dangerous the city of Cardiff really was.

Anyone who did was retconned before they even realised.

The first cigarette he flipped, slipping it straight back into the pack with the filter down, ready to be left until last. It was a stupid tradition, one learnt from his father and ingrained into his mind against his will, a habit learnt and never bothered to be forgotten, much like the habit of smoking in the first place. He’d barely ever gotten through a full pack since the Battle, never had the chance to light that upturned cig and make his wish. Owen always found his pack first and chucked it sneakily or dropped it in a puddle of alien goo with phoney ‘oops’.

Maybe this time he’d be lucky enough to actually smoke the lucky cig. It was strange to measure his luck by how many cigarettes he had smoked; a reverse correlation if he had ever seen one.

He didn’t know what he would wish for now if he got the chance. At one point it was for his father to straighten himself out. (He hadn’t.) Then it was for him to stop sleeping on Ianto’s couch and puking on the floor. (Did dying count?) For a brief while he wished for a stable job. (At least Torchwood paid annually.) He wished Lisa would go on a date with him. (She did.) He wished he could get a job at Torchwood Three. (He didn’t wish for the boss to hire him for his arse.) 

Once he wished they saw him as more than a tea boy. 

Once he wished for a break. A break from the lying, from worrying about Lisa all the time, from sleeping next to her in the basement.

(Two wishes came true at once.)

(After that he let Owen find his packs before he could make his wishes.)

Now, he’d probably wish Jack would forget that Ianto had laughed so hard at one of his jokes that coffee had come out his nose and stained his shirt.

He took a second cigarette out the pack and lit it, under his shirt to keep the flame safe from the wind. Smoke spiralled out from the end, dulling the sparkling sea in front of him. The steps down to the jetty were rough and worn, paint flaking just slightly less than the steps he was used to in 2008. He knew this walk like the back of his hand but the stairs had never met him before; they didn’t know the rhythm of his steps at all. The bizarre irony almost made him laugh.

This part of the decking was quiet. No one walked this way except Torchwood employees and pensioners who preferred a real life tourist centre to the internet. The sounds of the small waves and people babbling on the plass calmed his nerves as much as the familiar burn at the back of his throat. He didn’t have to worry. It wasn’t like any of his future coworkers would recognise him if they did walk by. 

Ianto loitered, looking out at the water for a few minutes as he took slow drags. He let the smoke swirl out into the bay. If anyone saw him, he was just another twenty-something year old trying to get away from the crowds on his break.

He flicked ash from the tip, then turned towards the old tourist centre that he must've spent hundreds of hours restoring and maintaining and working in. Ianto, if he had bothered to process anything over than the sight in front of him, would’ve been glad that his cigarette was in his hand. It would’ve been a waste for it to have fallen and fizzled out on the damp planks when his jaw dropped.

The tourist centre had always been run down; when Ianto had joined it was never used, locked up with windows plastered with decades old newspapers. The paint on the door frame had been peeling and a horrible shade of brown. Ianto had spent two days stripping it and repainting, another cleaning the windows. By the time he had finished his first week it was spick span and running like clockwork.

But it wasn’t run down now.

It wasn’t there at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would've been posted earlier if 1) Remi didn't have a dog on their lap all through editing and 2) I hadn't had go out and buy a cake for my housemate who lost her v-card last night  
> ANyway here's wonderwa- I mean Boomtown  
> (Fun fact: Mickey and Ianto text each other memes. Dat boi accidentally became a meme 10 years too early and the Doctor was not at all happy)  
> Thank you all for the comments you've been leaving! We adore getting to read through them all (even if I have a bit of a backlog to reply to). As always, hit us up on tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez. We're both doing the Torchwood bingo so if you want to check out our other content ;)  
> We're back on Friday with Blaidd Drwg!


	37. Blaidd Drwg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Gets a Bit of a Shock

“Shit.” Ianto swore as embers blew from the ash to his fingers in the wind. The pain shocked him from his whirling thoughts. He took a drag to try and calm down.

“Ianto Jones! You smoke?” Rose’s voice just behind him made him jump and swear again. She came up to his side when he didn’t turn to her. “What are you doing down here?”

“I’ve royally fucked up, Rose.” His eyes never left the end of the jetty.

“Everyone has a smoke every once in a while. I don’t think you need to stress that much about it.”

Ianto frowned, then shook his head. Smoking had always been his vice, but he reckoned with all the shit life threw at him it was one he was allowed. He took one last drag before crushing the butt out under his shoe. “No, not that.  _ That. _ ” He pointed in front of him.

There was just a blank concrete wall. No door, no windows, no navy sign with a cursive  _ ‘i’ _ standing proud. There was nothing but a concrete wall graffitied with a slogan _. Stop the Blaidd Drwg project. _

“You… graffitied a wall…?”

“No!” He put his hands on his hips, taking a moment to organise his thoughts. “There’s supposed to be a tourist centre there. It’s– It’s Torchwood’s front, secret entrance, one of them at least. And it’s  _ gone. _ ” He breathed in deeply. “If that’s gone, what if Torchwood’s gone? What if it’s my fault?”

He could see his panic mirrored in Rose’s eyes even as she tried to hide it. It took a few seconds for her to speak. “You said it was only one of the entrances right? So maybe the others still exist, just this one, I don’t know, got replaced?”

“I still altered history somehow.”

“I think you should tell Jack.” 

Ianto turned his head so fast he felt his neck crack. “You  _ what? _ I’ve already apparently messed with time so much that an entire  _ building  _ is gone– and you want me to tell Jack about his own future?”

“Well, what if this has changed because Jack  _ doesn’t _ know his future. Like one of those time loops the Doctor always talks about. Jack joins Torchwood and becomes your boss because you told him to.”

“Or I create a paradox where Torchwood doesn’t exist.”

“Well according to you, it already doesn’t. And I don’t see the sky falling down.” She held his gaze with a steely determinism that screamed of Jackie Tyler.

He wilted under it. “You’re too much like your mother.”

“So you’ll tell him?”

Ianto hesitated but nodded tentatively.

“Good.” She clapped her hands together in a very Doctor-like fashion. “Now I was sent to collect you for lunch. We found a place in the Quay, Bosphorus?”

Ianto nodded, her ease soothing his tense muscles. “I know the place. Lead the way.”

“So we’re all running, my guns completely empty, and my colleague, she’s nine months pregnant–”

“Still?” Rose exclaimed. Ianto nodded.

“–waddling as fast as she can away from this Nostrovite. It’s right behind us and gaining and my boss feels like this is a good time to go,” Ianto put on his best shitty American accent and puffed up his chest, “‘Bet you didn’t expect to want to kill your in-laws this soon’.”

Mickey snorted, more at the accent than the terrible joke, and beer sprayed out of his nose and onto his table. His reaction sent the rest of the table into fits of laughter. Ianto leant back in his chair and let out a full-bellied laugh, leg knocking against Jack’s under the table. Jack flashed him a grin, launching straight into one of his own stories. He gestured wildly with one hand as the other landed on Ianto’s knee.

There was a shopping bag by the Doctor’s feet, between him and Rose. A woolly hat was sticking out the top. Ianto could see it as when he looked down at his lap. 

He didn’t want to look at Jack’s hand, even though it was exactly why he had looked down in the first place. If he looked at it, Jack might realise what he’d done and pull away.

Ianto definitely didn’t want that. 

His hand was warm, a comforting weight that made Ianto keenly aware of every nerve in his body. It was large enough that the tips of his fingers brushed the inseam of Ianto’s trousers. It was too far down his leg to be considered at all sexual but it was affectionate, a silent point of contact between them. Jack pinched his knee and Ianto resisted the urge to kick him. Still, it had the desired effect of getting Ianto to look up and return his attention to the group.

“I swear, six feet tall and with big tusks–” Jack was already halfway through his tale. Ianto had heard it before, while they’d been eating takeout at his flat. It was just as funny the fifth time.

“You're lying through your teeth!”

“I'd have gone bonkers! That's the word - bonkers!” Rose was leaning forward in excitement, gripped by every word.

“I mean, it turns out the white things are tusks and I mean tusks! And it's woken, and it's not happy.”

“How could you not know it was there?”

“And we're standing there, fifteen of us, naked–”

“Naked?!”

Ianto laughed at Rose’s shocked expression. “Are you honestly surprised?”

Jack gave him a playful glare but carried on without missing a beat. “And I'm like, oh, no, no, it's got nothing to do with me. And then it roars, and we are running. Oh my God, we are running! And Brakovich falls, so I turn to him and I say–”

Mickey slapped the table. “I knew we should've turned left!”

“That's my line!”

“I don't believe you.” Rose flopped back in her chair for a moment but was soon leaning back in, “I don't believe a word you say ever. That is so brilliant. Did you ever get your clothes back?” 

“No, I just picked him up and went right for the ship, full throttle. Didn't stop until I hit the spacelanes. I was shaking. It was unbelievable. It freaked me out, and by the time I got fifteen light years away I realised I'm like this.” 

Ianto hadn’t even realised the Doctor had left the table, too engrossed in Jack’s story, until he sat back down with a thud and threw a copy of today’s Western Mail onto the table. “And I was having such a nice day.”

The headline was normal enough, emblazoned across the front page.  _ New Mayor, New Cardiff.  _ The part that sent shivers down Ianto’s spine was the photo above it, clear as day. Margaret Blaine.

Ianto led the way to city hall. They probably could’ve walked it, but there was something absurdly funny about watching Jack and the Doctor fumble with spare change as they tried to buy bus tickets. Jack’s scandalised expression when Ianto simply had to flash his bus pass was not something he ever wanted to forget.

Jack'd brightened back up by the time they’d reached the steps leading up to the foyer. “According to intelligence,” –Ianto rolled his eyes; ‘intelligence’, also known as Ianto telling him the story on the bus– “the target is the last surviving member of the Slitheen family, a criminal sect from the planet Raxacoricofallapatorius, masquerading as a human being, zipped inside a skin suit.”

Ianto nodded. “Okay, plan of attack, we assume a basic fifty seven fifty six strategy, covering all available exits on the ground floor. Doctor, you go face to face. That'll designate Exit One, Jack cover Exit Two. Rose, you have Exit Three. Mickey, we’ll take Exit Four. Everyone on board?” He looked around at the group. Jack’s mouth was slightly open and his eyes were shining with surprise. Ianto winked and he laughed.

“You read my mind, Mr Jones.”

The Doctor cleared his throat. “Excuse me. Who's in charge?”

“Sorry.” Ianto bit back a smirk. 

Jack looked straight ahead but shared a cheeky glance with Ianto. “Awaiting orders, sir.”

“Right, here's the plan.” He paused then brightened up and grinned. “Like he said. Nice plan. Anything else?”

“Present arms.” 

Ianto nearly pulled out the freshly recharged stun gun in his pocket, or even his Torchwood regulation handgun he kept tucked into his waistband. Then he noticed Rose and Mickey both pull out their mobiles. He quickly changed tactics and pulled his own out.

“Speed dial?” Jack asked.

“Yup.”

“Got it.”

“Check.”

“Ready.”

“See you in hell.”

They all strode off in their different directions, leaving Mickey standing in the middle of the foyer looking completely perplexed. Ianto got halfway down the corridor before he realised he wasn’t being followed. “Mickey! This way!”

He jolted, then quickly ran over. 

The corridors were quiet, practically void of any bureaucratic officials. The plush red carpet underfoot muffled their steps until they were near silent. There was something uneasy about the silence. As they passed doors, Ianto could hear the murmur of offices going about their daily businesses. 

Ianto slipped his stun gun from his pocket as they walked and cranked it up. Mickey raised an eyebrow as he glanced between the gun and Ianto. Ianto shrugged in response.

“So this is just another Tuesday for you lot?”

“Actually it’s Thursday.”

“Oh, haha.”

Ianto cracked a smile while Mickey rolled his eyes. “Not every day, but enough that you get used to it quickly. I reckon travelling with the Doctor is less dangerous than working at Torchwood.”

Mickey snorted. “I’ve met him twice and nearly died both times.”

“Ah but you haven’t  _ actually _ died have you?” Ianto joked, his smile not quite meeting his eyes. Half his mind was still out by the bay, running through option after option as to why the tourist centre didn’t exist. 

Unbidden, death tolls scrolled through his head. Torchwood wasn’t there; what would happen to all the people they had saved? Names flicked fast across his mind, names of people retconned after running into Weevils, names of the families of people who had fallen through the rift. Jonah Beven, Caroline Hall, Alice Devlin. Were they still being taken care of at Flat Holm? Or were they left to rot on the planets they had stumbled into? Were they living on the streets, half out of their minds and alone?

“You ain’t kidding are you? Travelling all willy-nilly with him, that’s actually safer than your job?”

Ianto thought back to the amount of colleagues and civilians he’d had to lock up in cold storage. “I wish I was kidding.”

Mickey looked as though he wanted to say something more but he was interrupted when his phone crackled into life in his hand. The Doctor’s voice came out of the speaker, tinny and barely audible. “ _ Slitheen heading north.” _

_ “On my way!”  _ Rose answered quickly, followed by the noise of her feet thumping against the soft carpets.

“ _ Over and out! _ ”

“That’s us Mickey. Get your shift on.” Ianto gave him a soft nudge to push him into action before the two men took off down the corridor towards the North Exit. 

Mickey ran fast with Ianto hot on his heels, but in his panic, paid no attention to whether or not the junctions they were running through were clear. It wasn’t too big of an issue, Ianto only spared a cursory glance to make sure there wouldn’t be anyone to question them high tailing through City Hall. He relied more on his ears to listen out for any footsteps. Soon they had been running for long enough that the sound of his breathing, coming in quick sharp pants, covered up the noise of anything else. 

It was so loud that he couldn’t hear the squeaking wheels of the maid’s cart until it was too late. Not until mere moments before she came round the corner. Before he could open his mouth to warn Mickey, the other man was already sprawled across the floor with a crash, knocking the cart over as he did. His limbs were flung every which way across the corridor.

Ianto couldn’t stop, couldn’t slow down in time. His foot snagged on Mickey’s leg and he went head over heels. His phone skidded out of his hand; he could just about hear Jack asking what the noise was before it crashed into the wall and went silent. Shit, the Doctor would kill him.

He didn’t have much time to ponder how broken his phone was as his other hand collided with his thigh. In all the chaos, he had completely forgotten the stun gun clutched in his fist. The pulse of electricity flowed through his body, shocking his body rigid until the gun slipped from his fingers and fell to the ground. The pain dissipated quickly but the panic and muscle spasms stayed.

“Ianto!” Mickey’s shout, close to his face, cut through the daze and dragged him back to reality as the hand gripping his arm dragged him to his feet. “You alright, mate?”

Ianto groaned, but kept stumbling towards the exit. “I’ll live.”

They turned the corner, now close enough that he could see the car park outside. Margaret Blaine ran across the exit at that moment. Seconds later Ianto saw Rose and Jack running across the car park and meeting each other before stopping right next to the door Ianto and Mickey had supposed to have been covering.

“Who's on Exit Four?” Jack shouted, frustration evident even though Ianto couldn’t see his expression.

“Mickey and Ianto!”

“Here we are.” Mickey stumbled out of the door, the bucket that Ianto had only just noticed was attached to his foot clanging loudly on the flagstones. Ianto half ran, half limped out after him. His leg was still numb from the stun gun.

“Mickey the Idiot.” The Doctor rolled his eyes.

Jack’s harsh expression on the other hand, softened the instant he saw the way Ianto was favouring his left leg. He moved to join him quickly, wrapping his arm around Ianto’s waist to support him. “What did you do?” 

When Ianto looked up from massaging the feeling back into his thigh, he was surprised to see that both the question and Jack’s glare were directed at Mickey. He straightened, resting his hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Leave him alone. It was just a mishap with a maid’s cart and a stun gun.” 

Reluctantly, Jack dragged his eyes from Mickey to check over Ianto worriedly.

Ianto shrugged Jack’s hands off him with a barely concealed glare. “I’d be more concerned with the fact the mayor just disappeared.”

Jack’s head whipped round. “She's got a teleport! That's cheating! Now we're never going to get her.”

Rose shared a cheeky grin with Ianto before speaking. “Oh, the Doctor's very good at teleports.”

The Doctor brandished his sonic screwdriver, a proud grin gracing his face. A push of a button and a soft buzz and Margaret Blaine reappeared, now running towards them. She startled, eyes widening and feet stumbling to a stop as she registered the group was now in front of her. She scrambled to turn and continue running in the opposite direction but the Doctor merely used his screwdriver again. 

Once again she appeared, panicked, ran the other direction. It must’ve happened at least five times before Margaret gave up, stumbling to a panting heap in front of the snickering group. They were all probably too old to be giggling over something that was, in reality, just a higher stakes game of hide and seek, but since the one who seemed to be taking the most amount of glee from the situation was the nine hundred year old alien, Ianto reckoned they could be allowed this.

“I could do this all day.”

Margaret glared up at him at the Doctor, hands still on her knees. “This is persecution. Why can't you leave me alone? What did I ever do to you?”

“You tried to kill me.”

“And destroy the entire planet.” Ianto added helpfully.

She rolled her eyes. “Apart from that.”

Jack had confiscated the teleport system from Margaret as soon as he got the chance. “Funky technology.”

Ianto hummed, following everyone down the hallway to the conference room. “Suits your colouring.” 

Jack laughed, breaking it back into the pieces of jewellery it had been made from. He held the earrings up to his ears. “You think?”

Ianto nodded seriously. “Definitely.”

“Here.” Jack stepped closer, attempting to pin the broach onto Ianto’s denim jacket despite the fact that they were still walking and Ianto was furiously batting his hands away. After a few minutes of subtle wrestling and under the breath cursing, Ianto wrenched the broach from Jack’s hands, ignoring his stubborn pout, and slipped it into his pocket. It was only then that he realised the other four people in the room were all staring at them, reactions ranging from mild amusement (the Doctor), to unimpressed judgement (Margaret).

Ianto side stepped away from Jack awkwardly, taking a look around at the room they were in. A banner emblazoned with the words _‘Blaidd Drwg Project’_ was hung proudly against the back wall. Easels displaying the plans and brightly coloured research into nuclear power surrounded the scale model off the power plant situated in the middle of the room.

“So, you're a Slitheen, you're on Earth, you're trapped. Your family gets killed but you teleport out just in the nick of time. You have no means of escape. What do you do?” The Doctor leant against the wall, arm crossed and as cool as ever. “You build a nuclear power station. But what for?”

“A philanthropic gesture.” Margaret answered primly. “I've learnt the error of my ways.”

“And it just so happens to be right on top of the rift.”

“What rift would that be?” Her eyes were wide with feigned innocence.

“A rift in space and time.” Ianto answered dryly.

“If this power station went into meltdown, the entire planet would go–!” Jack finished with a dramatic ka-boom noise, accompanied by an explosive hand motion.

The Doctor pushed off the wall and wandered closer to the model. “This station is designed to explode the minute it reaches capacity.”

“Didn't anyone notice?” Rose frowned. “Isn't there someone in London checking this sort of stuff?”

Ianto rolled his eyes and scoffed. “We're in Cardiff. London doesn't care.”

“The South Wales coast could fall into the sea and they wouldn't notice.”

“Nearly has. Repeatedly.”

Margaret harrumphed, letting her opinion on London’s management of Wales be very clearly known. Then she paused. “Oh, I sound like a Welshman. God help me, I've gone native.”

Ianto frowned, ready to argue that being Welsh was  _ nothing _ to plead to God for help over– but Mickey spoke up before he could get started.

“But why would she do that?” Mickey made a large show of not looking at the woman (was she technically a woman?) in question. “A great big explosion, she'd only end up killing herself.”

“She's got a name, you know.”

“She's not even a she, she's a thing.”

“Oh, but she's clever.” The Doctor interrupted the passive-aggressive standoff to sweep the nuclear power station model off the table in one dramatic move. A large grey panel was left, roughly the shape and size of a thin bodyboard. The Doctor prised it out of where it was set into and flipped it quickly. The bottom was covered in silver electronics, like an oversized circuit board. “Fantastic.”

Jack practically bounded forward in excitement, taking it off the Doctor in a way that Ianto could only describe as careful snatching. “Is that a tribophysical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator?”

“Couldn't have put it better myself.”

“Oo, genius!” Jack ran his hands over the board with reverence, before spinning to face Margaret. “You didn't build this?”

“I have my hobbies. A little tinkering.” 

Jack snorted, shaking his head. “No, no, no. I mean, you _really_ didn't build this.” He went back to turning it over gently in his hands. “Way beyond you.”

Ianto raised an eye at his appreciation for the technology. “Do you and it want to get a room?”

Jack shot him a fond glare.

“I bet she stole it.” Mickey was scowling at disguised Slitheen, who was scowling straight back.

“It… fell into my hands.” She smiled, and something about it made the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. Maybe it was the way she looked more like she was baring her teeth. Maybe it was because she was smiling through a dead woman’s mouth.

“Is it a weapon?” Rose leant across the table to get a better look at the machine in Jack’s arms.

“It’s transport.” Jack set it down at his feet, arms moving wildly as he explained how the extrapolator worked. “It's transport. You see, if the reactor blows, the rift opens. Phenomenal cosmic disaster. But this thing shrouds you in a forcefield. You have this energy bubble, so you're safe.” He carefully stepped onto it. “Then you feed it coordinates, stand on top, and ride the concussion all the way out of the solar system.”

“It's a surfboard.” Mickey said, obviously unimpressed.

Jack sneered at him. “A pan-dimensional surfboard, yeah.”

“And it would've worked too.” Her peeved tone reminded Ianto of the villains at the ends of the Scooby-Doo cartoons he’d watched as a kid. “I'd have surfed away from this dead end dump and back to civilisation.”

“You'd blow up a whole planet just to get a lift?” Mickey looked disgusted by the thought, and Ianto, jaded as he was by stopping alien threats on the regular, couldn’t help but feel an echo of it too, especially after hearing Margaret’s next blasé comment.

“Like stepping on an anthill.” 

While Mickey and Margaret had been snapping at each other, the Doctor had wandered over to stand underneath the banner. Ianto followed his gaze until he too was staring at the Welsh words. Something niggled at the back of his mind. He’d seen them before, and not just graffitied where the tourist centre should be.

“How did you think of the name?”

“What,” Margaret looked over at the banner. “Blaidd Drwg? It's Welsh.”

Ianto rolled his eyes. “Surprisingly, I know, but how did you think of it?”

“I chose it at random, that's all. I don't know. It just sounded good. Does it matter?”

“Blaidd Drwg.” The Doctor repeated, turning the words over in his mouth thoughtfully.

“What's it mean?” Rose asked.

“Bad Wolf.” Ianto replied.

She frowned. “But we've heard that before. Bad Wolf. We've heard that lots of times.”

“Everywhere we go…” The Doctor was still staring at the banner, lost deep in thought. “Two words following us. Bad Wolf.”

It was Ianto’s turn to frown. “How can words be following us?”

There was a beat. Then the Doctor turned with a shrug and a smile and the mood that had settled over the room snapped like a broken spell. “Nah, just a coincidence. Like hearing a word on the radio then hearing it all day. Never mind. Things to do. Margaret, we're going to take you home.”

Jack put his hand up in protest. “Hold on, isn't that the easy option, like letting her go?”

No one listened to him, all of them preoccupied with Rose who had immediately started bouncing excitedly around the table towards Ianto and the Doctor. “I don't believe it! We actually get to go to Raxa–” She paused, frowning. “Wait a minute! Raxacor–”

Ianto felt a smile spreading across her face as she looked at him pleadingly. “Raxacoricofallapatorius.”

“Raxacorico…”

“–fallapatorius.” Ianto finished for her, his broad grin matching her own.

She waved the end of her scarf in her hand as she repeated it by rote. “Raxacoricofallapatorius.” Then she squealed and bounced into Ianto’s arms. “That's it! I did it!”

“You did it!” Ianto laughed and caught her easily and swung her around before she left him to go celebrate with another hug, this one even bigger and coming from the Doctor (who looked pleased as punch to have the girl in his leather clad arms). 

“They have the death penalty.” Margaret spoke over the giggles and laughter coming from the Tardis teams. At her words it soon died down. “The family Slitheen was tried in its absence many years ago and found guilty with no chance of appeal. According to the statutes of government, the moment I return, I am to be executed. What do you make of that, Doctor? Take me home and you take me to my death.”

The Doctor set Rose down gently but she stayed close to his side as he met Margaret’s gaze with his own steely one. “Not my problem.”

By the time they had returned to the Tardis, the bright day had turned into a chilly evening. The sun had set at some point while they were on the bus ride back. The Doctor had forced Margaret (who, as the mayor, was getting some strange looks for taking public transport) into a seat near the back of the packed bus, between him and the window, while Jack and Rose sat in front of them. Ianto and Mickey found spots behind each other near the door. He wasn’t sure what their conversation was about, but they all looked rather somber. 

He guessed it was hard to joke when they were sitting next to someone who had actively tried to kill two of them, and inadvertently kill the rest of the world. 

He and Mickey, however, had no such qualms, and spent the entire bus ride debating the moralities of Ianto giving Mickey the winning Premiership football teams so he could successfully bet on them. Ianto argued that it would be wrong, and then, when Mickey tried to defend his idea, he added that that didn’t mean he  _ wouldn’t _ . The fatal flaw in this master plan was that Ianto couldn’t remember a single football score from 2006. (Although, Mickey did finish the bus ride with a receipt covered in the winning rugby teams, so he couldn’t complain.)

Few people were still on the bus when they reached the Quay, few enough that the Doctor didn’t feel bad about keeping a tight grip on Margaret’s arm as he practically frog marched her down the aisle and off the bus– though Ianto wouldn’t put it past him to do that in front of all of Cardiff. The Doctor only let go of her once they were all inside the Tardis and the doors were closed– and locked– behind them.

Ianto hid his smirk as best he could when he caught sight of how Margaret’s jaw dropped at the inside of the Tardis. “This ship is impossible. It's superb. How do you get the outside around the inside?”

The Doctor scoffed. “Like I'd give you the secret, yeah.”

She walked into the middle of the console room, doing a slow spin as she took it all in. “I almost feel better about being defeated. I never stood a chance. This is the technology of the gods.”

Ianto met Jack’s eye for a second, passing between them a private joke about the Doctor’s ego through a smile and a roll of his eyes. 

“Don't worship me - I'd make a very bad god. You wouldn't get a day off, for starters.” He flipped something on the Tardis console and a grate on the floor popped up. “Jack, how we doing, big fella?”

“This extrapolator's top of the range.” He attached a wire to one of the ports on the bottom of the board, watching the system’s information as it popped up on the Tardis’ screen. “Where did you get it?”

“Oh, I don't know.” Margaret moved around the console, running a finger along the edge. “Some airlock sale?”

“Must've been a great big heist. It's stacked with power.”

“But we can use it for fuel?” The Doctor asked, eager to get back onto the issue at hand. Getting Margaret back to her home panet.

“It's not compatible, but–” He unplugged it and moved over to the now open grate in the floor so that he could begin to wire it into the Tardis’ fuel cells properly, “–it should knock off about twelve hours. We'll be ready to go by morning.” 

“Then we're stuck here overnight.”

Margaret picked the silver ball up from it’s place nestled between dials and wires on the console. It had been it’s unofficial home since Ianto realised it was the one place in the Tardis it wouldn’t budge from if they hit turbulence during flight or had a particularly rough landing. “I'm in no hurry.” She turned it over in her hands, then gave it a shake. Even though Ianto suspected there was nothing particularly special about it, he still felt the urge to tell her off for potentially damaging the mechanism inside.

“We've got a prisoner.” Rose said cheerfully in an obvious attempt to lighten the mood. “The police box is really a police box.”

“You're not just police, though.” Margaret pointed out as she stalked around the console. Ianto was quick to pluck the ball from her hands as she passed him, placing it delicately on the jumpseat before he leant back against the coral rail. “Since you're taking me to my death, that makes you my executioners. Each and every one of you.”

Mickey scoffed, crossing his arms. “Well, you deserve it.”

She turned to him, body language looking every bit like the predator alien that hid underneath the stolen skin. “You're very quick to say so. You're very quick to soak your hands in my blood, which makes you better than me, how, exactly?”

Ianto could list the reasons all day long, and he would. He had had to write a justification for his actions into every mission report he had ever written, both in Cardiff and in London. He had killed before, and would do again, to protect the world. To protect his friends. He had felt no guilt for killing the Slitheen in Downing Street to stop them from destroying the human race. He would feel no guilt in delivering Blon Fel Fotch to her home planet to face the consequences of trying to wipe out his species. 

But, judging by the look on her face, Margaret the Slitheen wasn’t betting on that. She was betting on bleeding hearts too hung up on black and white heroes morals to deliver to her death.

She smirked. “Long night ahead. Let's see who can look me in the eye.”

Rose was the first to avoid eye contact, looking down at her scarf tassels. Mickey was next, suddenly finding an interest in scuffs on his trainers. Jack barely met her eyes to begin with, and as soon as he did he looked back down at the bundle of wires in his hand. 

Not even the Doctor, so full of righteous fury, of justice and Time Lord morals, could look into her eyes for longer than a minute before he too dropped his eyes.

Margaret turned to Ianto, who met her gaze with his own cool stare. She seemed surprised when he didn’t falter, so he smiled, polite and unassuming and everything he had trained himself to be when fading into the background at Torchwood Three. Now, with her eyes on him, boring into his soul and his doing the same to her, the smile was a threat. He watched as her eyes flickered down, as uncertainty flashed across her face and when he spoke, there was nothing unassuming about it. 

“You’re staring at me from a corpse’s eyes, and you want to claim you’re innocent?” He crossed his arms and took a deep satisfaction in the way she shifted awkwardly on her feet. “You deserve everything that’s coming to you.” 

This time, Margaret looked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is coming out at half four, I had the roommate from hell moving in and Remi was shepherding a dog around a garden for almost two hours (while still on zoom with me). An eventful editing session to say the least!  
> Thank you all so much for your comments! We even had some new commenters this week which is so exciting!! We finish Boomtown on Sunday with Date Night!  
> As always check us out on tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez!


	38. Date Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Runs Into a Very Familiar Face

Mickey had disappeared from the Tardis, slipping away in the flurry of Jack and the Doctor obsessing over the tribophysical waveform macro-kinetic extrapolator. Ianto noticed the creak of the door (he really needed to oil that) as soon as Mickey had left, even though he was in the middle of listening to Jack spiel about the differences between macro- and micro-kinetics (honestly, Ianto thought it could be summed up by little versus big). He had thought Rose would’ve gone after him but she seemed to be too enamoured with the Doctor’s brash, excited voice to even notice his absence.

Ianto followed Mickey out when Jack rolled himself back under the console, rolling his eyes at the ‘hate to see you go’ tease that floated behind him. Even so, it tugged at his lips and he was powerless to stop the smile from creeping up on him. 

The biting wind of the Welsh September evening cut through his denim jacket as he scanned the Plass for any sign of his friend. Mickey was staring at the water tower, close enough that Ianto wouldn’t be surprised if his jeans were soaked from the way the water splashed up and turned to cool mist at the base of the tower. Ianto joined him and for a few minutes they both stood and stared, watching sheets of water slip down in front of their eyes.

Mickey broke the silence. “I’m going out with this girl. Her name’s Trisha Delaney.” 

Ianto nodded slightly. He assumed there was a point to what Mickey had said but for the life of him he couldn’t work it out. “I can’t say I’m not devastated.” He glanced at Mickey but the other man was still looking straight forward. “But,” he sighed. “I’m sure, with some time and space, we can be friends again.”

Mickey snorted and they shared a smile. He soon sobered up, turning back to the tower. Ianto understood. It was easier to talk to a sculpture (or a pterodactyl) than to a person who could react or judge. It was easier to talk about Trisha Delaney than the girl the conversation was obviously leading to. “It’s just, Rose runs off– and all she does is give me a kiss and says ‘see ya’ and then she’s gone! What am I supposed to do? Wait around? I don’t even know when she’s going to come back.”

Ianto felt a tight hand squeezing at his heart as he thought about Jack in 2007 moving on, finding another part-time shag to fill his nights and mornings. Was he so wrong to? The guilt crept up next, stealing into his throat and cutting off his words. Ianto had no right to be upset or jealous over Jack moving on when really, wasn’t he doing the same thing? Albeit the man he had moved on to was still _Jack_ , just a few hundred years younger; did that absolve him of any blame? Would Jack, _could_ Jack, blame him? Would Jack mind?

It was a hard question to answer when Ianto wasn’t even sure if Jack– future Jack– cared.

In some ways, the parallels between Rose leaving Mickey behind were so similar to Ianto’s situation that it was uncanny. In others, they differed so much that he could barely relate them to each other. Either way, he had the feeling Mickey wasn’t asking for Ianto’s own issues. He had the feeling (the slightest,  _ selfish _ hope) that the right thing to do would be different for them too.

He barely heard the creak of the Tardis door open over the sound of his own thoughts and the slip of the water. A quick glance showed Rose, finally having realised that her two best friends were missing, hurrying across the Plass. 

“I think it's a conversation you need to have with her.”

Mickey’s shoulders slumped into his thick coat. Ianto clapped him on the shoulder just once before he walked back to the Tardis. Rose gave him a questioning look as she passed but Ianto shrugged it off with a shake of his head and a small smile. He gestured his head towards Mickey slightly and she nodded, picking up her pace across the Plass. 

Ianto hung up his jacket on the rickety old hat stand propped by the doorway into the Tardis. The Doctor was focused on the screen for the scanner. Jack peered over his shoulder with subtle interest, more curious than whatever the unreadable expression on the Doctor’s face meant. 

It was eerily quiet without Rose or Mickey asking questions to diffuse the tension that had settled over them with the presence of Margaret. He couldn’t see her but when Jack met his eyes and glanced towards the lower deck that surrounded the console platform, it wasn’t hard to assume she was brooding down there.

“What’s on?” 

It was only once he had spoken that the Doctor seemed to realise that Ianto had returned to the ship. He pushed the scanner back into place quickly, almost guiltily, like a child caught with his hand in a cookie jar. “Nothing, just…” It was then that he noticed Jack over his shoulder and he pushed a button on the console. The blue glow dropped from their faces as the screen flicked off. With Jack’s small smirk, it wasn’t hard to guess what– or rather who– the Doctor had been watching.

Ianto practically collapsed into the jumpseat, rubbing feeling back into the tips of his fingers. Now the Doctor’s voice had fizzled out, tense silence blanketed the group once more. Even with the awkwardness, he would’ve taken that over the voice that spoke up next.

“I gather it's not always like this, having to wait.” 

The only noise in the breaks between her words were the sounds of Jack and the Doctor fiddling with buttons on the console that had been knocked out of line by years of rough landings. The silver ball was resting just next to Ianto, where he had left it earlier. He picked it up and now, without the companionable noises of the Tardis floating through the air, he could hear the delicate twang of finely tuned metal shifting within it. Maybe it was an artfully crafted piece of Gallifreyan technology after all. 

“I bet you're always the first to leave, Doctor. Never mind the consequences, off you go. You butchered my family and then ran for the stars, am I right? But not this time. At last you have consequences. How does it feel?”

“I didn't butcher them.” 

“Don't answer back. That's what she wants.”

“He's right, _he_ didn't.” Ianto didn’t look at the hunched figure of Margaret Blaine in the corner of his eye. He didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of seeing him crane his neck to see her. Jack gave him a look but Ianto merely shrugged and went back to fiddling with the ball in his hands.

“What about you?” The Doctor didn’t turn to her either. “You had an emergency teleport. You didn't zap them to safety, did you?”

“It only carries one. I had to fly without coordinates.” Her voice picked up in distress. “I ended up on a skip in the Isle of Dogs.”

There was silence, Ianto staring resolutely at his lap and biting his cheek to keep from laughing. Until he looked up and saw Jack holding his breath to keep in a chuckle and the Doctor’s eyes sparkling with mirth. Jack was the first to crack, the Doctor and Ianto soon joining in.

“It wasn't funny.” She snapped.

“Sorry.” The Doctor’s face didn't say straight for long and soon they were all chuckling again. “It is a bit funny.” 

The tension almost seemed to be broken when she joined in with their barely stifled laughter. Then Ianto spared her a glance and saw her laughter slip into a sinister smile; if it weren’t so malicious, so conniving and inhuman, Ianto would’ve called it cheeky. He wondered what angle she was playing at. “Do I get a last request?”

“Depends what it is.”

“I grew quite fond of my little human life. All those rituals. The brushing of the teeth, and the complicated way they cook things. There's a little restaurant just round the Bay. It became quite a favourite of mine.”

The Doctor strolled over, leaning his arms on the coral strut just next to Ianto, who himself shifted, resting an arm on the back of the jumpseat and turning to look at the disguised alien. “Is that what you want, a last meal?”

“Don't I have rights?”

Jack scoffed. “Oh, like she's not going to try to escape.”

“Except I can never escape the Doctor, so where's the danger?” She glared at Jack, a silent challenge in her eyes. Ianto wasn’t sure if Jack was conceding or winning by just keeping her gaze and not replying. “I wonder if you could do it? To sit with a creature you're about to kill and take supper. How strong is your stomach?”

“Strong enough.”

“I wonder.” Her lips curled into some semblance of a smile. “I've seen you fight your enemies, now dine with them.”

Ianto didn’t see the Doctor shift. His eyes were cold as stone and betrayed the 900 years of enemies and hard decisions that had led him to this point in time and history. He heard the Tardis creak though, metal grating on metal as the Doctor’s weight shifted from one foot to the other. “You won't change my mind.”

“Prove it.”

“There are people out there. If you slip away just for one second, they'll be in danger.”

“Except,” Ianto heard the smirk in Jack’s voice and turned to see him holding up two simple metal bangles. “I've got these.” He tossed them to the Doctor who caught them with ease. “You both wear one. If she moves more than ten feet away,” –the sudden ‘zzzz’ noise that Jack made made Margaret jump and Ianto laugh– “she gets zapped by ten thousand volts.”

He raised an eyebrow at Jack, who just winked and waggled his eyebrows suggestively at Ianto’s silent question of ‘where, and why, the fuck did you get those?’

“Margaret,” The northern accent cut through Jack and Ianto’s silent flirting. His confident smile was back to being plastered onto his face. “Would you like to come out to dinner? My treat.”

“Dinner in bondage. Works for me.”

Once the Doctor and Margaret had left, a bangle situated around each one's left wrist, Jack crawled back under the Tardis console to finish wiring up the extrapolator, rambling with awe about the precision of the technology. It was a side to Jack that Ianto only caught glimpses of in 2007. More often than not he left hints about any technology they found that he recognised, a treasure hunt for Owen or Tosh (and once upon a time, Suzie) to follow to discover the truth. He would correct and explain like a teacher would, but he never freely raved like this. It was a shame, Ianto couldn’t help but think; Jack’s whole face was lit up, not just by the torch Ianto held in place for him, but by his excitement too. He only fell silent about the beauty of the craftsmanship when a number of screws and scraps of wire were perched perilously between his lips.

“Rose and Mickey. The Doctor and Margie.” Jack looked up at Ianto from his position on his back on the floor, passing the screws to Ianto then holding his hand out for a screwdriver. “Don’t you think we deserve dinner too?”

“Only if it’s in bondage.” Ianto deadpanned. 

Jack leered up at him, rolling closer. “I’m sure that can be arranged.”

Ianto kicked the crawler board Jack was lying on and watched him roll away. “I think there’s some leftover pasta knocking around the galley we can heat up.” Ianto passed the tool he assumed Jack needed. Jack took it gratefully and gave Ianto a look that he interpreted as reluctance to get up from where he was working. “Or  _ I _ can heat it up and bring it here so you don’t have to stop working.”

Jack grabbed Ianto’s ankle with fond exasperation to stop him from getting up. His fingers left soft smudges of oil on his socks but Ianto couldn’t find it in himself to care too much. Jack tugged his ankle closer until he could lean his head against it. “I was actually suggesting we go out and  _ buy _ food.”

Ianto quirked an eyebrow at the suggestion.

“Come on, handsome. You must have a favourite restaurant round here that you'd like to go to.” 

The chinese take out on the edge of the Plass popped into his mind, his mouth immediately watering at the thought of their char siu chicken and duck pancakes. He didn’t have to worry about whether Jack would like it or not, he knew that it was Jack’s favourite take out place by the Quay (his absolute favourite was the indian down the road from Ianto’s flat). He even knew Jack’s order. “There is this one place.”

“See? Let’s go there.”

“And who is paying for this dinner outing?”

Jack’s face fell when he remembered the concept of money existed back in the 21st Century and that he couldn’t just get away with units on his vortex manipulator. Ianto smiled and took pity quickly, nudging Jack’s shoulder with his foot. 

“Let’s go. My treat.”

Jack brightened up immediately. “I better go get ready then!” He jumped up, wiping his grease covered hands down on the legs of those awful chinos. Ianto couldn’t help but feel a small spark of satisfaction to see them ruined. Suddenly, the pan-dimensional surfboard was shoved into Ianto’s hands, the few wires not yet connected to the Tardis hanging limply from the underneath of it. Jack rushed off into the Tardis’ corridors, leaving Ianto holding the board with a look of mild bewilderment.

“And I’m supposed to just wire this in myself am I?” 

Jack stuck his head back into the console room, grinning. “I thought you knew everything.”

Ianto glared at him. The lobbed wrench bounced harmlessly off the wall behind where Jack’s head had been mere moments before. His excited laugh echoed back into the room as his footsteps faded down the corridor. 

Ianto shocked himself no less than seven times while he connected the remaining wires to their ports within the Tardis. Never before had he been so glad for the future's invention of universally colour coordinating wires. He’d just soldered the final connection into place when he heard footsteps on the grating above and a shadow blocked out his light. 

“I ordered us some food from the chinese place across the way. Should be ready for us to pick up in about ten min- Are you wearing a suit?” Ianto had climbed out from under the console, sitting on the edge of the grating. He had been wiping his hands on a filthy rag when he’d finally started paying attention to what Jack had changed into.

“Course. We’re going out to dinner aren’t we?” Jack suddenly looked awkward when he saw Ianto’s expression. “This is a 21st century suit right? It’s what the Tardis had and I think I look pretty good if I do say so myself.”

Ianto couldn’t help but hum in agreement as he looked at the way the dark blue suit cut his figure. The off-white, just shy of cream, shirt matched the flecks of light in the wool. It was gorgeous, plain and simple, however Ianto couldn’t help but wince when he saw how Jack’s tie was tied. He wiped his hand once more on the rag to ensure all the oil was gone before he stood up and moved closer.

“Did no one ever teach you how to tie a tie?” He kept his eyes firmly on Jack's collar as he untied the knot deftly. When Jack nodded, Ianto dared to glance up. He regretted as soon as he realised how close the Captain’s lips were to his own. One last tug and Ianto stepped away, leaving behind a perfect full windsor knot. “Well, they didn’t teach you well.”

“Or maybe I just had ulterior motives.” Jack smirked, swooping back into Ianto’s personal space.

Ianto raised an eyebrow. “Do your ulterior motives often involve wearing suits to a take out place?”

“Take out?”

Just then Ianto’s phone pinged with a text to let him know that their food was ready to collect. “Come on, we can eat on the steps by the bay.”

They’d gotten a few strange looks during dinner, two men in suits sitting in the cold eating chinese food straight from the boxes. Jack had teased him when Ianto tucked the napkin like a bib into his tie– but Ianto had had the last laugh when a piece of sweet and sour pork had landed solidly on Jack’s shirt. (A few dabs of a wet napkin and some careful adjusting of a tie both hid the stain and wiped the pout from Jack’s lips.)

But eventually, the last scraps of food had been eaten and the cheap bottle of wine had been drunk and the cold of the air had started to creep under the tipsy warm buzz in his limbs to settle solidly into his bones. He shivered just once but Jack was immediately clearing away their rubbish and standing, one hand out to help Ianto up. His stiff legs groaned in complaint when they were forced to walk after a good time of sitting folded underneath him.

“The Tardis.” Ianto nodded his head towards it as they wandered arm in arm across the Plass. “There’s a perception filter on it. Anyone who doesn’t know it’s there? Their eyes slide straight over it. Hence…”

“No odd looks at the police box in the middle of a square.”

Ianto nodded, still staring at the disguised ship.

Jack nudged him. “Got any more fun facts for me?”

“After we leave, the perception filter sticks. I don’t know why, never really knew how it got there in the first place until today. But anyway, it sticks. Anyone who stands on that pavement square is invisible.”

Jack huffed a laugh. “Neat trick.”

Ianto nodded, smiling. “So naturally, my–” he hesitated, so ready to tell Jack the truth, but he chickened out at the last second, “My boss, he thought ‘invisible pavement? I’m gonna stick a lift there’.”

Jack snorted. “Sounds like my kinda guy, that boss of yours.”

Ianto couldn’t help but laugh. It came out rather strangled and incredulous. He couldn’t help but wonder when his life had become this, a tangled mess of timelines and half truths and talking to his current…  _ something _ about his past –future?–…  _ something _ (one day, he’d get into a relationship with an actual label; not because he really cared but just for the sake of his poor brain) who just so happened to be the same man in different points of his (immortal) timeline. What had he done in this or any other life to deserve this? It read like a bad sci-fi soap opera. “About that…”

Ianto had finally, after hours of trying to work out the best way of approaching the topic (twisting ‘this is the best chinese I’ve ever had’ into ‘you’re my boss in the future’ was a feat even he couldn’t manage), worked out a way to slip future Jack into the conversation. Now all he needed was the courage to get the words to unstick from his throat.

Before he could finish his sentence the ground rumbled underneath his feet. Cracks, emanating from the Tardis, started to spread out across the Plass, joined by a loud rumbling noise that Ianto recognised immediately. 

The Rift was opening.

(What the fuck had Owen done now?)

He grabbed Jack’s hand on instinct, racing across the Plass towards the blue box. What should have been a quick 200 feet journey was made near impossible by the slowly widening slabs of concrete that were grating away from each other like the tectonic plates breaking apart Pangea. 

People dining outside at the restaurants nearby screamed as their tables collapsed and their plates smashed onto the floor, soups and pasta spilling across the pavements. Ianto paused to help an old lady (the same old lady from earlier) back towards the relative safety and protection by the Millenium Centre. Then Jack was tugging him along again.

Sirens were quickly getting closer and closer. Jack’s face was lit up with the flashing blue and red lights. It made the shadows dance across his face. Ianto was so used to seeing a future version of Jack run this exact path that it was weird for him to not have an RAF greatcoat billowing out dramatically behind him. The police lights threw their shadows long behind them, jagged and broken, echoing the shattered stone they were carefully stepping across.

“Sirs!” Small hands grabbed both Ianto's and Jack’s arms, stopping them in their tracks. “I must ask that you both move  _ away _ from the centre of the earthquake.”

If her surprisingly strong grip hadn’t held him back, then the familiar voice would’ve stopped him dead. 

“Gwen?” He turned, taking in the dark brown hair, defiant eyes, and pursed lips. She held each of them in a tight grip and didn't look like she’d hesitate to cuff them if either man tried to run off again. Her eyes narrowed, looking at him suspiciously. He cursed internally when he realised that _of_ _ course, _ she didn’t know him yet. “PC Cooper? I play pool with your hu-boyfriend, Rhys. Down at the Farmer’s Arms.” He lied through his teeth, praying she’d believe him.

Just as he hoped, she softened at the mention of Rhys, a small shadow of a smile just about creeping onto her lips. “He’s mentioned me?”

“Doesn’t shut up about you.” He smiled, and with that she let go of their arms. Her professional manner stayed though.

“I still must request that you evacuate the area until it’s safe.”

Ianto glanced at Jack desperately, his mind working a mile a minute to think of some reason why they had to get to the Tardis. Luckily, Jack came to the rescue before Ianto put his foot in his mouth.

“It’s our daughter, see.” He wrapped his arm tight around Ianto’s waist, his face the picture of worry. Ianto opened his mouth to ask what the hell he was on about but Jack pinched his side in a subtle motion for him to shut up. “We were playing at cops and robbers, and she's ‘arrested’ in that police box over there.”

Ianto caught onto the lie quickly. “Please, we just need to go get her and then we’ll leave.”

Jack flashed his patented grin and Ianto could practically see Gwen melt under it (It was quite irresistible; especially in times like this one when he added his puppy dog eyes). “Margaret’s only six.”

“Of course, of course.” She patted Jack on the arm and they both raced off again.

Soon they were crashing through the doors to the Tardis, Jack yelling “Oh Margaret there you are!” for good measure.

Ianto leant against the closed doors, trying to catch his breath.

“You knew that police woman?” 

Ianto nodded. “Old– well future I guess– co-worker.” He pushed his hair out of his face before joining Jack by the console, checking settings and wires quickly. He didn’t understand much, but he knew enough to know where things should usually be set to (even without knowing what they did). “Did you really have to call our daughter  _ Margaret _ ?”

“It was the first name I could think of!”

“But  _ Margaret _ ?”

Jack laughed, which just made Ianto more annoyed.

“I just can’t believe you’d name our daughter after a Slitheen that’s probably the reason Cardiff is about to blow up!”

Jack stifled his laugh even more. “I promise, I will never name any daughter of our, fake or otherwise, Margaret.”

“Good.” Ianto went back to focusing on the dials on the console. They all seemed to be correct. 

“What should we name our daughter?”

Ianto shrugged, too distracted to realise that Jack no longer seemed to be talking about fake children used to get them out of sticky situations. “I don’t know. Rose maybe? Or– the extrapolator!”

“The Extrapolator Jones. Or Harkness. Or Harkness-Jones.” Jack mused out loud. “Not bad. But I prefer Ro–” Ianto’s glare seemed to shake him from his thought process. “Oh, _that_ extrapolator!”

Jack raced over to join Ianto as he yanked wires out of the extrapolator in a frantic attempt to disconnect it. Ianto stilled for a moment when Jack’s words registered in his brain. “Hold on… You would name our kid Extrapolator?”

Jack opened his mouth to defend himself but the Tardis doors burst open and the Doctor came rushing in, hand in hand with the Slitheen.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Jack put his hands up. “Nothing! It just went crazy while we were out.”

“You two went out?”

“Hey! We needed to eat too! Prisoners aren’t the only ones who get to have dinner.”

Ianto interrupted the fight that was quickly brewing between them. “It’s the rift. Time and space are ripping apart.”

The Doctor nodded. “If we can’t stop it the entire city’s going to disappear.”

“It’s the extrapolator.” Jack threw it aside once he’d finally cut the last wire. “I’ve disconnected it but it’s still feeding off the engine. It’s using the Tardis.” He looked at the Doctor desperately. “I can’t stop it!”

Ianto looked at the scanner, watching the rift energy spiking. He’d only seen it this high once before– when they had opened the rift themselves. “Never mind Cardiff. It’s going to rip apart the world…”

Ianto met the Doctor’s solemn gaze, hoping he would find some plan hidden in their depths. The time lord seemed as much at a loss as Ianto felt. Even Jack’s shoulders had slumped where he was sitting on the edge of the grating.

The momentary stillness was broken when Rose came crashing through the doors, scarf and hair whipping around her in the wind. “What is it? What’s happening?”

“Oh,” Ianto had almost forgotten she was there, standing at the edge of the platform that led to the Tardis doors. Rose had slid to a stop next to her. Margaret let out a sinister giggle. “Just little old me.”

There was a sick noise of skin tearing and suddenly Margaret’s true arm was revealed; it was long and green, sinewy with muscle. It nearly grazed the floor as it hung, and the long talons clacked against the metal grating. Quick as a flash she lunged, grabbing Rose by the neck and held her against her chest like a shield. 

“One wrong move and she snaps like a promise!” Margaret threatened, glaring at each of them in turn.

“I might've known.” The Doctor’s voice was as cold as his face, as cold as stone. Like a hailing storm on a horizon.

“I've had you bleating all night, poor baby, now shut it.” She sneered, then looked at Jack. “You, fly boy, put the extrapolator at my feet.” 

Jack hesitated and her grip on Rose’s neck tightened. Ianto resisted the urge to rush forward as he heard the strangled noises that his best friend was choking out. Ianto barely registered the Doctor’s sharp nod out of the corner of his eye but then Jack was rushing forward, placing the electronic surfboard at the Slitheen's feet.

“Thank you.” She smiled smugly. “Just as I planned.”

Ianto’s eyes never left Rose, looking for any gap in which he could wrestle Rose away from her. “I thought you needed to blow up the nuclear power station.” 

“Failing that, if I were to be arrested, then anyone capable of tracking me down would have considerable technology of their own. Therefore, they would be captivated by the extrapolator. Especially a magpie mind like yours, Doctor. So the extrapolator was programmed to go to plan B. To lock onto the nearest alien power source and open the rift. And what a power source it found. I'm back on schedule, thanks to you.”

“The rift's going to convulse!” Jack shouted. “You'll destroy the whole planet!”

“And you with it!” She stepped onto the extrapolator, not relinquishing her grip on Rose one iota. “While I ride this board over the crest of the inferno all the way to freedom. Stand back, boys. Surf's up.”

The whole Tardis shuddered and the board began to glow. It hovered, just inches off the ground, and for a second Ianto thought that was it; they had lost, and the end of the world was nye. There was a horrendous creaking noise, another shudder, and the console lifted to reveal a light so bright that Ianto raised his arm to block the light from his eyes.

The Doctor crossed his arm. “Of course, opening the rift means you'll pull this ship apart.”

“So sue me.”

“It's not just any old power source. It's the Tardis. My Tardis. The best ship in the universe.”

“It'll make wonderful scrap.”

“What's that light?” Ianto asked, squinting his eyes to try and get a better look at the tendrils of golden light that were trickling and twisting from the console towards Margaret and Rose.

“The heart of the Tardis. This ship's alive. You've opened its soul.”

Margaret was staring at it with wide eyes. “It's so bright.”

“Look at it, Margaret.”

“Beautiful.”

“Look inside, Blon Fel Fotch. Look at the light.”

As she stared, the tension melted from her figure. The claws around Rose's neck loosened until Rose ripped herself away. Ianto grabbed her arm immediately, tugging her close into his side. A small nod soothed his worried looks when he realised that she was okay. 

Margaret smiled slightly, and sighed with such contentedness. “Thank you…”

With one last breath, the skinsuit fell empty on top of the extrapolator, no trace of the Slitheen that had once inhabited the body– no, the woman, the woman that long ago was a real person. 

But there was no time to celebrate her death. The Tardis shook again and the green lights were still flashing their sickly glow over the group in warning and in the ship’s own fear of destruction. 

Ianto’s eyes strayed to the golden light that still spilt from the console. It was beautiful, it was transfixing, it was–

“Don’t look! Stay there! _Ianto!_ Close your eyes!”

It took the Doctor shouting his name for Ianto to truly listen and follow his instructions. He turned his head away, waiting for the light seeping through his closed eyelids to disappear and when He continued to bark orders at the group. “Now, Jack, come on, shut it all down. Shut down! Rose, that panel over there, turn all the switches to the right. Ianto, pump that until the dials all point North East.”

Slowly, as they all worked together around the console, the Doctor flitting back and forth fixing buttons and dials, the green light faded and the ominous tolling of the Tardis’ cloister bell stopped. The beams creaked as it settled back into time and space, no longer on the edge of explosion.

The Doctor flipped one last lever. “Nicely done. Thank you, all.” 

“What happened to Margaret?”

“Looks like she carried out her own death sentence.” Ianto leant down to investigate the strange bulge near the chest of the skin suit. Jack nudged a limp hand with his foot.

The Doctor hummed. “No, I don't think she's dead.”

“Then where'd she go?”

“She looked into the heart of the Tardis. Even I don't know how strong that is. And the ship's telepathic, like I told you all. Gets inside your head. Translates alien languages. Maybe the raw energy can translate all sorts of thoughts.” 

Ianto picked up a flap of skin with a barely concealed grimace. When he dropped it back down the entire (slightly slimy) skin slipped off the board, revealing a large purplish egg. Tendrils stuck out of the top, moving so slightly that Ianto would’ve thought it was just from a draft if there was one.

“Here she is.” The Doctor held it up so they could all see it clearly.

“She's an egg?” Rose asked

“Regressed to her childhood.”

“She's an egg?” Jack raised an eyebrow.

“She can start again. Live her life from scratch. If we take her home, give her to a different family, tell them to bring her up properly, she might be all right!”

“Or she might be worse.”

“That's her choice.”

Ianto couldn’t help but chuckle. “She's an egg.”

The Doctor beamed. “She's an egg.”

They all crouched, staring at the egg, for a few moments more. Something felt wrong, off, but it took awhile for him to figure out exactly what it was.

“Rose?” 

She hummed, attention still entirely on the egg.

“Where’s Mickey?”

Rose gasped, looking up at Ianto with wide eyes. “Oh, my God. Mickey.”

The Tardis door was slamming behind her before anyone could say another word.

It took less than ten minutes for the Doctor and Jack to get the Tardis up and running again, and only twenty for Ianto to clean up both the loose items that had fallen out of place during the jostling, and Blon Fel Fotch’s skin suit (it got tossed straight in the incinerator, along with Jack's ruined chinos).

The Doctor grinned at him when Ianto returned to the console room with freshly scrubbed-raw hands. “We're all powered up. Once Rose gets back, we can leave. Opening the rift filled us up with energy.”

“Next stop, Raxacoricofallapatorius. Now you don't often get to say that.” Jack’s eyes twinkled with the same glee as they did whenever he got to say the impressively long planet name.

“You know,” Ianto leant on the console, watching Jack move between struts and supports that partially blocked him for moments at a time. “I’ve always wondered if Raxacoricofallapatorius lived up to its name.”

“Lucky for you we get to find out.” The way Jack’s face was lit up, both by the soft lights of the Tardis screens and the broad grin that had spread across his cheeks from ear to ear was something that– if Ianto was more artistically inclined– he would want to capture on canvas in pencil and oil. As it were, he settled on just looking until it was frozen in his mind like a photograph. Something he could cherish until he died.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Editing today was a little rushed since Remi is currently moving back to uni and I'm supposed to be going out for a picnic in less than half an hour (I'm also using editing as an excuse to not help unclog one of our toilets) so if there are any mistakes please point them out so we can fix them lmao!  
> Hope you enjoyed the little cameo in this chapter! I think we've said before that we want all of the team to cameo in this fic at some point, and now there's only Owen left!  
> Thank you for all your lovely comments! I've been quite busy so I'm a little behind in replying to them but I definitely will do that tonight! Hope you all enjoyed this chapter!  
> As always, check us out on Tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez  
> We will be back on Wednesday with Remi's next chapter, Bad Wolf!


	39. Bad Wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto and His Very Bad, No Good, Pointless Day

Ianto opened his eyes, blinking as the world around him faded into existence. His head throbbed with the woozy, uneasy feeling of being underwater- as if he had been hit with a substantial dose of retcon. For an uneasy minute he wondered if he  _ hadn’t  _ been drugged with the small white pill, but discounted the idea as quickly as it came. In his mind he could picture a sharp, bright white light, filling his vision from wherever he had last been- was it the Tardis? Or had they still been on Raxacoricofallapatorius? He shook his head, trying to dispel the cobwebs from his mind. He distinctly remembered dropping the egg version of Margaret back on her home planet, making their way back to the Tardis- and that’s when it began to get hazy. They’d been in the console room, joking together, and he had been trying to work out a way to get Jack alone so he could  _ talk  _ to him- but then, the white light had appeared and…

He decided that his memories would return to him if it were possible for them to, and until then it would be best to figure out what the situation was around him. He appeared to be lying on the floor of a blackened room, the only light coming from a door off to the left of him. As he raked his eyes around the room, he caught sight of a person hovering very close to him. The figure approached, and Ianto realised they were a middle aged woman. She walked forwards towards him and held out her hand, looking as if she wasn’t going to accept any nonsense, which was what convinced him to take the proffered hand and pull himself to his feet.

“Into the studio, please. We go live in two minutes. You’re late.” She snapped, pushing him towards the lit up door.

“Where am I?” He asked, staring dumbfounded at her. “Where are my friends? And who are you?”

She tutted at him, as if he was personally offending her. “You’re in a game. Congratulations. Better hope the transmat effects wear off before you start.”

“Sorry,” He continued, frowning heavily at her words. “In a game? Transmat?”

She paused and gave him a glance over. “God, you’re hopeless. Still, one person has to go first.”

Ianto was about to ask her what exactly she meant by that, but bit back the question at the look on her face. Instead, he decided it was best to follow her orders, and pushed the door open in front of him.

The room he found himself standing in looked suspiciously familiar. It was some sort of game-show studio, one that he was  _ sure  _ he had seen before, with dark black glass floors and podiums over on the right side. There was a large rectangular monitor next to what looked like a presenters podium, and a desk off in the corner. He couldn’t put his finger on where he recognised the abstract, purple art that hung around the outside of the stage, but felt certain he had seen it somewhere before in the twenty-first century.

Looking at the other side of the stage, he saw three other people milling about. One was a short, pale young woman who looked excited about something as she walked towards one of the podiums. The other two were standing tensely by each other's side, one a tall dark-skinned man with a stoic, serious face, and the other an older, greying man who looked determined. Ianto supposed they were preparing themselves for whatever the ‘game’ was he had found himself in.

“Places, places!” The voice of the sour looking woman from the other room shouted as she bustled behind Ianto into the room. Following the other three people’s examples, Ianto made his way over to the last remaining podium. He leant over to the girl who was on his left.

“What’s happening?” He asked her quietly.

She looked excitedly at him. “We made it into a game!”

“A game?”

“Yes! I’d have preferred something more like Big Brother, but I’m here now and that’s what matters!” She whispered back, grinning. “I  _ am  _ going to try to win though. You understand, right?”

Ianto looked at her, raising an eyebrow. “That's why people go on game shows, right?”

She beamed at him. “Exactly! No hard feeling?”

“None at all,” He assured her. “Sorry. Why am I here?”

She gave him a blank look. “You must’ve been picked for the games. Transmat can be confusing- I couldn’t remember how to speak for the first five minutes I got here!”

Ianto heard her quick, excited babble and decided her not speaking for five minutes would’ve been an impossibility. Her response still didn’t answer his question, however, so he continued. “Where is ‘here’?”

“Transmitting in ten. Nine...” The sour woman spoke, walking behind what Ianto could now see to be a camera set, albeit a bit more futuristic looking than anything he was used to. Okay. That placed them in the future. Good to know.

“What year is it?” He asked, but the girl beside him just made a shushing noise.

“Just, play the game!”

Ianto turned to look at the podium in front, which lit up as the countdown hit zero and revealed a standing robot. It was as tall as an average human, thin and somehow (despite the androgynous design) distinctly male looking. Before he had time to take in more of its appearance, music began to blare out of some well hidden speakers, lasting around half a minute as it culminated on a high note and ended as suddenly as it began. A spotlight hit the robot, and Ianto watched as its face lit up and morphed into some sort of grimace. It began to speak, it’s voice monotonous and metallic.

“Hello, I am Alexandroid Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless- the quiz where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners. Let’s meet today’s players.”

Ianto watched on in placid silence as the robot- Alexandroid- talked to the girl next to him. She introduced herself as Misty, and seemed impossibly more excited than when speaking to Ianto before. Once she had finished twirling her hair around her finger and talking about her two girlfriends watching the show back on Earth, the robot moved on to face Ianto.

“And you are?”

“Ianto.” He answered.

“What a peculiar name, Ianto,” The robot responded, somehow managing to narrow it’s eyes at him. “Where are you from?”

“Err- Earth. Early twenty-first century.”

The robot let out what could only be described as a repeated record scratch. (Somewhere in the noise, Ianto realised it must be its own version of laughing.) 

“We have a real joker on our hands here,” It added, waiting for Ianto to respond. When he didn’t, the robot’s smile dropped and it continued to speak. “Do  _ you  _ have anyone watching from home?”

“Jack,” Ianto said, suddenly staring straight at the camera. “Jack, if you can hear me. Help me. Or Rose, Doctor, _anyone_. Help me.”

The robot let out another grating laugh, leaving Ianto to wince at the noise. From beside him he saw Misty give him a peculiar, confused stare. The robot spoke again. “Nobody can help you now. Just focus on winning the game and getting back to them.”

Ianto frowned at the wording, but was cut off from responding when the robot went on to question the other two contestants. Ianto, however, didn’t listen. His brain was whirling with questions that he didn’t have any answers to. Why was he alone here? Where were his friends? How did anything get inside the Tardis and transport him here? Why was he playing Pointless in God knows when in the future with a talking robot host?

He turned back to the droid at the front once it appeared it had finished interviewing the other contestants, seeing the names Zennis and Trevvy appear on the taller man and the older man’s podium respectively.

“And lastly, let me introduce my Pointless assistant,” the Alexandroid spoke, pointing to a darkened area off on the left. “Richard Osbot.”

A spotlight suddenly turned on as music started to play, revealing another robotic man. It smiled, waving a static hand at the contestants and began to talk some nonsense while introducing itself. Ianto vaguely made a connection between the game show he was currently in and an advert for a new tv show, one that hadn’t been on national television before he fell into the rift. Under less robotic circumstances, he imagined the banter between the two androids might be funny and made a mental note to catch the first episode of Pointless when he returned to his own time.

“The category for Round One will be: Alien Food. We will describe an alien to you and you must give us their primary source of food. As ever, in this game you will aim to get the lowest score possible.” The android explained, filling Ianto with nerves. He had no idea what to expect, given that he didn’t even know what year he was in, and prayed that some of the knowledge he had accumulated over his years at Torchwood and time travelling with the Doctor would come in handy.

One of the screens at the front suddenly switched to reveal text. Ianto tuned out Alexandroid’s monotonous voice as it read out the words, and instead chose to read the clues himself.

_ Used their unusual food as a way to communicate with each other _

_ Humanoid species from the Seretti dimension that use their food to gain physicality _

_ A family of Raxacoricofallapatorians that live  o ff this unusual food _

_ A gaseous creature that inhabits other species to take a certain energy from its prey before reducing them to dust _

_ Cold blooded creatures with no reflection that feed off one specific part of its prey _

_ Disintegrate their food with isotetric energy beams which can reconstruct their food later _

Ianto raked his eyes over the clues, feeling hopeless until a memory from his brain snagged as he read the fourth clue. A gaseous creature which reduces prey to dust? He thought back to the earlier days when Gwen had just joined their team- shortly after Suzie had died for the  _ first  _ time- and remembered Carys fighting for her life against a gaseous creature. Was his luck really that good that on a futuristic alien game show, he could be faced with an alien that he had already encountered?

“Let’s turn to Misty first.” Alexandroid decided, bringing Ianto out of his thoughts. “Any ideas?”

“Oh, I’m struggling here a bit, Alexandroid,” She admitted, looking slightly pale. If Ianto didn’t know any better he would think she looked terrified, as if the thought of not knowing the answer to the questions was life-or-death. “There are a few I could guess, but I’m going to have to play it safe.”

“Is it safe enough to see you beat the other three contestants?” The android asked, and Misty closed her eyes to deliberate.

“It has to be. I’m going for the cold blooded creatures, and saying that they drink the blood of other beings.”

“Let’s lock that answer in,” Alexandroid said and turned to face the taller rectangular screen. There was a second, and then the number one hundred on top began to climb down, stopping quickly at the number seventy two. “Of our one hundred participants, seventy two got that answer correct too. A high score, but it _was_ correct.”

He gestured to Richard Osbot, who began to speak in his lower, grating voice. “Of course, the highest scoring answer was the Vampire who consume the blood of other sentient species.”

Misty seemed very relieved, and turned her eyes to look at Ianto when the two robots did the same. He gulped.

“Ianto. Do you have an answer for the first round?”

He swallowed, deciding that there was no harm in going for it. He was here to play the game, and what did it matter if he got the answer wrong? It wouldn’t be the end of the world, he reasoned. “I’m going to go for the gaseous creature and say that they feed off orgasmic energy.”

The other three contestants turned to stare at him, shocked either by him knowing the answer or being brave enough to say it out loud. He stared forwards, ignoring the others as he focused solely on the screen. There was a pause, and then suddenly the number began to decrease, allowing Ianto to let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding in. The number continued to fall, reaching all the way until it stopped- at exactly one.

“One! A very respectable score for ‘orgasmic energy’.” Alexandroid said, clapping metal hands together in an imitation of a congratulatory motion. As Richard Osbot went on to explain further, Ianto caught eyes with Misty. He was suddenly shocked to see a mix of anger, fear and disappointment directed towards him, rather than the kinder, friendly competitive look he had hoped to see. Perhaps she was just taking this game a bit more seriously than he was.

He watched as Zennis got a respectable score of thirty one for the Enzomodons, who eat each other as a way of communicating. (Ianto was privately glad he hadn’t been in a situation where he had met the Enzomodons to know the answer to this question. He was quite happy storing away the information in his brain for later on without seeing a practical demonstration.)

The game continued on to the oldest contestant- Trevvy, who was looking confident with his answer. “I’m going for the family of Raxacoricofallapatorians and saying acetic acid.”

“Is acetic acid the right answer?” Alexandroid questioned, as they all watched the countdown on the screen. Ianto tried not to smirk, as he remembered back to his first few days on the Tardis and the Slitheen he had encountered. He smiled as a memory of his friend Mickey popped up, being in his house with Rose’s mum Jackie as they faced off against a Slitheen. They didn’t feed off acetic acid- it was that that  _ killed  _ them!

The screen mirrored his thoughts, as a big red cross appeared at the top of it. “Unfortunate,” Richard Osbot said monotonously. “Acetic acid destroys beings from Raxacoricofallapatorius. They eat Rakweed instead.”

“No, please, I’m sorry- it was a mistake-” Trevvy began to beg, looking like he was seconds away from running from his podium and out of the studio. Ianto personally thought that he was being a little dramatic, and turned to raise a questioning eyebrow at Misty. She shook her head, sorrow filling her eyes as she looked back at Trevvy.

“Unlucky, Trevvy, but you are the highest scorer. You are pointless. Goodbye.” Alexandroid said, and before Ianto could realise what was happening a metallic limb was extending from his arm and a red pulse of energy was shot at Trevvy. The man’s screams were cut short as it hit him, exploding him into thin air. Ianto’s mouth dropped open.

The game had killed him.

He stumbled slightly and had to reach out to grab hold of his podium so that he didn’t topple over. “What was that?” He hissed to Misty once he had regained the ability to speak.

“It’s the game. You win or you die.” She whispered back.

_ “What?”  _ He exclaimed, causing her to send him a shushing gesture.

“How don’t you know that? Just,” She spoke back, not understanding why Ianto found it quite so shocking. “Just play the game. Or don’t- helps me win if you lose.”

She turned away from him to look back at the screen, which had changed to say ‘Round Two’ whilst they had been talking. With no time to think properly about what had just happened, Ianto looked onwards at the game once more. He  _ had  _ to win.

“Round Two is going to be about the ancient institution: Torchwood.” Alexandroid Armstrong explained, and as soon as he spoke Ianto’s mouth dropped open. This couldn’t be a coincidence, right? For a moment he wondered if the people running this game were specifically targeting him. But why go to the bother of making him play through a futuristic version of a game show that hadn’t even been released in his time on Earth? His mind was too jumbled to question what was going on, and he decided for now just to take the good fortune and continue to try to win the game. Especially now that he knew there was more at stake.

“We want you to name a branch of Torchwood and where it was located,” The robot explained. “As the highest scorer from the previous round, Misty will go first.”

“I’m going to have to play it safe again,” She hesitated to slowly say. “I only know one branch. Torchwood Ninety Eight. On the planet J’Arcan.”

The robot made an attempt at nodding, and soon the countdown was decreasing. It stopped at seventy eight.

“The most famous of the Torchwood branches,” Richard Osbot explained. “Well known for its battle against the Dalek invasion in the sixty-third century.”

Part of Ianto wanted to listen to what was being said, but he knew it would be better to not listen into the future of Torchwood. He instead tried to decide which of his answers would be the lowest scoring, out of the three Torchwood Institutes he was aware of in the twenty-first century.

“Ianto. Moving onto you. What is your answer?” Alexandroid asked him.

“I’m going to go for Torchwood Two, located in Glasgow, Scotland.” He looked at the robots, and didn’t know whether to be more or less specific. “Uhm. United Kingdom. Planet Earth, the twenty-first century.”

“Thank you, we needed one answer not an essay.” The android spoke, letting out another grating attempt at a laugh.

Ianto watched on as the counter began to count down, heading further and further to the bottom as it started to slow, getting down to single figures, until-

“A pointless answer.” The robot said, sounding less excited than Ianto was when his Father had bought him socks for Christmas.

“Very well done, Ianto. That will see you into the head-to-head nicely. Now,” Alexandroid continued. “Zennis. What will you give as your answer.”

“I don’t know!” Zennis admitted, sounding frantic. “I only knew one answer and that’s the one Misty gave!”

He glared over at Misty, who seemed apologetic yet determined. Ianto thought he saw a flicker of satisfaction cross her face for a second, which he felt extremely guilty to relate to. If he was going to try to get out of this game, he would have to let the other contestants lose.

“You have no answer then?” Alexandroid prompted.

“No!” Zennis cried out. “I… Gods, I’ll guess Torchwood One Hundred. On Mars.”

There was a delay of five seconds before the screen turned red, indicating with the ‘cross’ that he had given a wrong answer. His pleas turned into sob as the robot in front of him extended his weapon towards him, and then the room was silent. 

Two were dead, and only Ianto and Misty remained.

“And… break.” The woman from earlier called, walking across the room. She went over to the robots in the corner, evidently checking they were in working order as the cameras stopped rolling. Ianto turned to Misty.

“How do we get out of here?” He asked her, and was surprised to see her break into laughter.

“You win!” She said, looking amused and disbelieving. “And, no offence, but I  _ am  _ going to try to win.”

“But we could both try to get out of here,” Ianto suggested. “See if there’s a backdoor. Make it out alive.”

She gave him a confused look. “You’re really not from around here at all, are you?”

Ianto shook his head. “I’m not. I have no idea how I got here. But we could work together, try to escape-”

“No.” She plainly said. “I’m in it to win it. And besides, we’d be caught before we left our podiums. They do like a dramatic episode…”

Ianto stared, not knowing how to change Misty’s mind. He didn’t want to play against her, because she seemed to be a nice person, and either he would die or she would. What kind of entertainment was this for people watching back at home, anyway? And- more importantly- were Jack, Rose, and the Doctor in the same situation as he was? Were they okay?

“And starting again in three… two… one… rolling!” The woman called, stepping back as the lights flickered back onto the contestants.

“Welcome back to Pointless. Misty and Ianto have survived until Round Three, which will be coming up on the screen in just a second.” Alexandroid spoke to the camera. The screen changed to bear the heading ‘Alien Technology’, which the robot repeated.

“You will see photos of five different pieces of alien technology, and we want you to name one.” It explained to the two contestants. Ianto nodded, praying for one more miracle to occur. The screen changed and he looked frantically over the items.

The first item, a yellow semi-circular flat object, produced no recollection in his mind. He moved on to the second item, which looked to be a large metallic sphere hanging in space. Judging by the size of the star next to it, it appeared to be not just large, but  _ ginormous _ \- and Ianto had no idea what it could possibly be for. The next item was a viscous looking liquid, with so many colours inside it that Ianto wasn’t sure how to describe it. Either way, he had no clue as to its purpose. Glancing at the last item, he had to hold back a grin as he caught sight of a small, rectangular device with a series of lenses on one side. He remembered passing a cup of coffee over to his co-worker Owen, and humouring him as he complained about the scanner that was refusing to work. The name popped into his brain and he couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief.

“Ianto, let’s go to you first. Which item are you going to name?” The robot asked him.

“The last item. I think it’s a Bekaran deep-tissue scanner.”

The show host turned to Misty, asking her for her answer. Ianto felt nerves fall through him as her confident voice named another item on the list, hoping that his answer would be lower than hers.

“So, we have answers of a Bekaran deep-tissue scanner and a Dyson sphere. Let’s see if they’re correct, and if so which has the lowest score.” Alexandroid said, turning to face the screens. The two ‘one hundreds’ at the top of the screen changed, indicating that they had both gotten their answers correct. Ianto held his breath as the counter trickled downwards, slowly changing and decreasing. Eighty. Sixty. Forty. Thirty. And then Misty’s screen stopped at twenty five and his a second later at twenty four.

He’d won.

No sooner had the thought gone through his mind that he registered the metallic weapon pointing out of Alexandroid Armstrong’s arm and his face froze.

“Zabby, Teelane!” Misty called out, her face horror struck. “I love you, I love you so much, don’t forget that I-”

And then there was a zap and she was gone. Dead. And Ianto knew, deep down, that it was partly his fault.

“Oh my God…” He murmured, holding onto his podium. As the robot turned to look at him, he was filled with anger. This was  _ their  _ fault. Whoever put him in this game; whoever ran this fucked up TV show. They were killing innocent people, and he would be damned if he didn’t win this game and escape to avenge their deaths.

“Congratulations for making it this far,” Alexandroid said, sounding less than happy to still have someone standing. “We have one more round for you to try to survive yet. In Round Four, the only way you will escape with your life is by giving us a pointless answer.”

Ianto nodded, understanding the game. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them he saw that the screen had changed.

“The subject is: The Human Colonies.”

Ianto’s heart soared. He was all of a sudden back at the human museum he had visited, in the darkened corridor with Jack’s hand tightly held in his as he told him about his home planet. The screen changed once more to reveal a more detailed set of questions.

_ Colonies which contain exactly one sentient life force _

_ Colonies which were involved in the Universal War of the 180,900s _

_ Colonies with exactly three moons _

Before the android had even opened his mouth to start the timer, Ianto knew what his answer was.

“Boeshane Peninsula. For the last one.” He confidently said, smirking slightly as the android struggled for words.

“You’re sure? One answer? You are allowed three attempts.” It asked, it’s voice as close to sounding human as it had been all day. Ianto nodded once and watched as the counter was moved back to one hundred. The entire room was silent as it began to descend, and, as Ianto thought of Jack’s eyes shining with the emotions of his favourite childhood memories, the count hit zero.

“We have a winner.” Alexandroid announced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In other news, Ianto is now getting married to Waluigi :) No, you aren't getting any context :)
> 
> This chapter took me absolute yonks to write, because I was obsessed with keeping continuity of real canonical questions and answers. Bonus point to anybody who can get any of the questions right (or tell which three questions I got bored with and made up myself lol). I shall give a prize to anybody who gets all five species right in the first round ahahaha.  
> Other options for this chapter include The Chase: Ianto literally being chased by a killer-robot around a studio whilst a kidnapped Graham has to read him questions. (Yes, this is Graham from series 11/12 of Doctor Who. Search up the UK Chase for any context...)  
> Similar to the way people bitch on Twitter about people who take the low option on the Chase, everybody watching this episode of Pointless saw Ianto smile as the first contestant got the answer wrong. He is now hated by the entire galaxy.
> 
> Also, BIG shout out to [Hotchocolatedictator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotchocolatedictator/pseuds/hotchocolatedictator) for actually writing [an entire fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26611546) inspired by the dancing plague episode!!!!!! I'm so shook and amazed and it's so good, so go give it a look!!!
> 
> Next chapter will be coming out on Friday: Hey, Handsome.  
> Find us on Tumblr: @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez


	40. Hey, Handsome

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Gets a Rom-Com Style Reunion

From the smouldering remains of the two droids he had just blown to pieces, Jack looked at the machine they had used earlier on him. He ran over, hastily pulling the cover off it to get at the insides. “Compatible systems,” He muttered, fiddling with the innards. “Just align the wave signature…”

He chuckled to himself as he heard the machine whir, pulling the gun out of it’s stand. “Attaboy! Got myself a gun.” He looked at the remnants of the two robots. “Well, ladies, the pleasure was all mine. Which is the only thing that matters in the end.”

He walked to the door, fiddling with the digital screen on the wall which undid the lock and allowed him to step out into the corridor beyond. 

The area was deadly silent. Not a single person, robot or extra-terrestrial life form seemed to be around. He glanced across the floor, noting the concrete design alongside the dim purple lighting. With his gun on his arm, he started to press the buttons on his Vortex Manipulator. He needed to find his friends, and fast. His escape from the TV show he had been in was down to luck and a bit of skill on his behalf, but he couldn’t be sure the others would be okay. As his tech scanned the structure for signs of his friends, he tried not to think about what situation the Doctor, Rose and Ianto may have ended up in. He closed his eyes as his chest tightened when the thought of Ianto running away from killer robots popped up into his mind.

His Vortex Manipulator brought him out of his thoughts when it buzzed and popped up with the results. He could see two pulsing lights, one with an alien signature that had to be the Doctor, and another male human signature on a lower floor. His heart dropped with the knowledge that Rose was either somewhere his technology couldn’t locate her from, or worse. Logically, he knew that it would make more sense to regroup with the Doctor and help him track down their friends, but his legs were moving without listening to his brain. 

Ianto was on floor one hundred and seventy four, and he was going to find him.

After the dramatic events inside the futuristic Pointless studio, Ianto had been briskly whisked away and deposited outside in a darkened corridor, with instructions to ‘stay put’ and ‘wait for someone to collect you’. Naturally, Ianto had completely ignored the instructions, and instead had found a locked door at the end of the area, which (after a few moments' work with his penknife) soon became an unlocked door. He gave the empty corridor a last glance, before he slipped out of the door and entered another darkened area.

Purple gratings on the sides of the area amongst the futuristic concrete looking design reminded him of somewhere he had visited previously. As his vision strayed to a lift at the opposite end of the room, he looked above it and saw the number one hundred and seventy four displayed boldly. His brain kick-started back into action, as he was suddenly assaulted with memories of travelling to the year 200,000 with the Doctor, Rose, and the annoying technician- what was his name? Andy? No, Adam? Yes. Adam. Replacing his spot in the Tardis team quartet with Jack had been a  _ definite  _ upgrade.

Unlike the last time he had been on this space station, there was nobody at all around. It was deadly silent, the only noise being the background hum of the machinery and soft groans of the pipes. He pondered his options for a moment, wondering if he should head up to floor five hundred and see if management could do anything to help him. Judging by the air conditioning floating through this level, he didn’t think there would be any Jagrafess hidden in the ceiling, which put the year as later than 200,000. He also reasoned that he could go back to floor one hundred and thirty nine, being the floor he and his friends had spent time on previously. If they were all on this ship together, it would be a sensible place to try to reconvene.

His eyes were suddenly drawn towards movement in front of him. The number on the panel by the lift was decreasing, and as he watched it lowered until it came to a stop at one hundred and seventy four. 

This floor. 

His heart beat faster as a hissing sound echoed through the room, and then the lift doors were opening. He caught sight of a person standing still inside the lift, and he had enough time before his thoughts caught up on him to take in the male figure wearing black trousers, a short-sleeved white tee and a dark vest. Before he could complain about the hideously tight leather trousers, his vision moved onto the frustratingly handsome and familiar face, and all thoughts dropped from his head.

Jack.

He was running before he even realised his legs were moving. He must’ve attracted Jack’s attention, because a moment later the large gun Jack was holding was clattering to the ground as his arms opened wide to catch the Welshman as he practically fell into him. Slowing down as he reached him, Ianto snaked his arms quickly around his waist to hold him tight like a python, dropping his head so his cheek pressed into his neck. Jack’s own arms returned the tight hug, leaning into him so that they were pressed as close together as was physically possible. His senses were overwhelmed, filled with his comforting, distinct scent; his familiar, strong embrace; his soft, gentle kiss that was pressed into his hair.

“Hey there, handsome.” Jack murmured, rolling his thumbs over his shoulder blades in a motion that made Ianto simply  _ melt _ .

“ _ Jack _ ,” He said, his voice muffled by the way his mouth pressed into a warm shoulder. He reluctantly pulled his head back far enough to be able to speak properly. “You’re okay.”

“Of course I’m okay,” He spoke, sending Ianto his trademark wide grin. “I’m better than okay, now that  _ you’re  _ here.”

Ianto swallowed heavily, trying to tame his emotions so that his thoughts could return to the present situation, rather than the chorus of  _ JackJackJack  _ they were focused on.

“What happened?” He asked, pulling back further so that he could look at Jack without their mouths being close enough to distract him.

“I don’t know, one second we were on the Tardis, the next I’m getting naked in front of a TV audience.” Jack said, trying to inject some humour into his evidently nervous attitude.

“Glad to know I didn’t miss anything substantial, then.” He grinned back. “I was in a game of Pointless. How did you get out?”

“Shot both the hosts. They were quite rude when discussing how good my face looked…” He broke off, frowning. “You said Pointless? That’s a TV classic- how did you escape?”

Ianto shrugged, trying to look nonchalant. “I won.”

“You  _ won _ ?”

“Don’t sound surprised. I’m quite good at quizzes, actually.” He grinned as something brilliant shone in Jack’s eyes.

“You, Ianto Jones, are incredible.” He laughed, squeezing his arms tighter around Ianto for a moment before he pulled back further, stepping back so he only had one hand on his waist. Ianto immediately missed the contact, but he knew that they were still in danger and needed to find their other friends.

“We’ve been here before,” Ianto pointed out, and continued when he saw Jack raise a confused eyebrow. “Before you came along. Satellite Five. Giant space station. We’re past the year 200,000, if the central heating is anything to go by.”

Jack shot him another look, deciding it was better not to ask. Reluctantly he took his arm away from Ianto, pressing a few buttons on his Vortex Manipulator. “Year 200,100. I’m impressed.”

Ianto tilted his head slightly. “I do try. We need to find the others.”

Jack’s face morphed into something altogether more serious. “Right. On it.”

He pressed a few more buttons on his wrist watch, during which time Ianto bent down and picked up the disregarded gun. He hoisted it up, finding it to be lighter than he expected from its size.

“Two hearts, that’s him. Which floor?” He spoke, looking up at Ianto as he got his answer. He smirked as he regarded the gun he was holding. “Want me to take that for you?”

Ianto rolled his eyes. “If you must. Let’s go find Rose and the Doctor.”

Jack turned away from him, pressing his palm against the handprint mould on the wall, which opened up the lift. He pulled the gun away from Ianto as he stepped forwards, purposefully flexing his visible bicep as he lifted the weapon, which elicited yet another eye roll from Ianto.

“Going up.” Jack winked.

“Doctor!” Ianto called out as he caught sight of his leather jacket on the front of the observation deck. His eyes strayed towards the other woman, taking in her appearance. He focused on her only long enough to realise that she wasn’t the girl he had been hoping to see alongside the Doctor. “Rose isn’t here?”

“No,” The Doctor replied shortly, focusing on the digital console that he was taking to pieces. “Jack, can't you track her down?”

“She must still be inside the games. All the rooms are shielded.” He offered apologetically.

“If I can just get inside this computer. She's got to be here somewhere.” He muttered, as Ianto noticed the bead of sweat on his forehead. His insides churned with worry for his best friend, and he couldn’t even imagine how the Doctor would be feeling.

“Well, you'd better hurry up. These games don't exactly have a happy ending.” Jack pointed out, and Ianto cringed as the Doctor whipped around to glare at him.

“Do you think I don't know that?” He angrily spat at Jack. The ex-Time Agent looked apologetic, moving to do something to the wrist watch on his arm.

“You know Rose. She’s not going to give up easily.” Ianto offered, trying to reassure both the Doctor and himself. In his game, he had had the upper hand due to his tidbits of knowledge he had learnt throughout his years at Torchwood. Rose, despite having travelled with the Doctor for a bit longer than Ianto, didn’t have the years worth of experience he had, and Ianto tried not to let his fears manifest inside his chest.

“There you go, patch that in.” Jack said, offering his Vortex Manipulator over to the Doctor. “It's programmed to find her.”

“Thanks.” The Doctor quickly replied, grabbing the wristwatch as he continued to play with the machine. Ianto was surprised to see Jack so easily giving his Vortex Manipulator up, as he couldn’t remember a single time when he had seen him without it around his wrist. He supposed that finding Rose was a good enough reason for him to go without it.

Jack then seemed to regard the other person in the room, taking a few steps closer to the girl as he stuck his hand out. “Hey, there.”

“Hello.” She replied back, grinning widely. Ianto didn’t miss the way her eyes moved up and down Jack’s body, and he felt the usual mix of jealous amusement run through his body.

“Captain Jack Harkness.” He introduced himself, shaking her hand eagerly.

“Lynda Moss.”

“Nice to meet you, Lynda Moss.” Jack said, continuing to look into her eyes.

“Do you mind flirting outside?” The Doctor called from beside them, sounding frustrated.

“I was just saying hello!” Jack insisted, his hand still tight in Linda’s grasp. 

“For you, that's flirting.”

Ianto had to agree with the Doctor on that one. Lynda looked back at Jack, almost giggling. “I'm not complaining.” She laughed, but Jack dropped her hand. He turned instead to look at Ianto, and if he didn’t know better Ianto would’ve thought his expression looked guilty, and slightly apologetic.

“This is Ianto Jones.” Jack introduces, gesturing between the two. Ianto stuck his own hand out to shake Linda’s before it fell back to her side. “He’s my  _ very  _ handsome boyfr-”

_ “Friend. _ ” Ianto insisted, dropping Linda’s hand.

Jack raised an eyebrow at the woman, who was now looking vaguely disappointed. “We’re working on that bit.” He said, sending her a wink as a loud beep began to resonate from the tech the Doctor was looking at.

“It's not compatible. This  _ stupid  _ system doesn't make sense.” The Doctor shouted, emotion bubbling to the surface of his words. He threw a small device at Linda, who caught it deftly, before he grabbed the outer casing of the console and started to yank it off. Ianto and Jack headed over to help, warily eyeing each other as they took in the Doctor’s tense shoulders and edgy voice. Jack leant over and helped him pull the casing off, and stepped back as the Doctor grabbed the device back off Linda.

“This place should be a basic broadcaster, but the systems are twice as complicated. It's more than just television. This station's transmitting something else.” The Doctor muttered as he worked.

“Like what?” Jack asked.

“I don't know. This whole Bad Wolf thing's tied up with me. Someone's manipulated my entire life. It's some sort of trap and Rose is stuck inside it.”

Ianto cocked his head in thought. “My game did seem quite unrealistically tailored towards me. I knew too many of the answers for it to be a coincidence.”

“Unless it's just because you’re intelligent.” Jack pointed out, causing Ianto to blush slightly. 

“They asked me to name a colony with three moons.” He murmured quietly to Jack, as he passed a wire over to the Doctor. Jack turned his head and beamed at Ianto.

“They did?”

Ianto sent him an affectionate smile. “Yup,” He replied, popping the p. “You’re the only reason I got out of there alive.”

Jack’s face faltered, looking both touched and anxious as he realised how close Ianto had come to losing. He looked a lot more serious as he fixed his gaze to focus solely on Ianto. “You said, in Cardiff, that there was something you needed to tell me.”

Ianto shook his head. “Not now, Jack. Save that for when we’re out of here.” He said, looking at Jack’s unconvinced expression. “I promise, we’ll talk once we’re safe.”

“Pinky promise?”

Ianto rolled his eyes, but dutifully held his pinky out for Jack to childishly shake. “Pinky promise.”

Their conversation was cut short when the Doctor let out a sudden noise. He tapped something on the device he was holding, and began to talk breathlessly. “Found her. Floor four oh seven!”

From beside them, Linda gasped loudly. “Oh, my God, she's with the Anne Droid! You've got to get her out of there.”

She raised a panicked hand to the Doctor’s shoulder, which was quickly shrugged off as the Time Lord broke out into a run. His face was stony, and Ianto felt incredibly sorry for whoever was responsible for this mess because when the Doctor got to them…

Well. If Ianto’s learnt one thing from his travels on the Tardis, it’s that you don’t threaten Rose and expect the Doctor to let you live to tell the tale.

They made it to the lift. Ianto didn’t dare say anything; the sight of the Doctor’s face alone was enough to scare him into silence. He was transfixed on the slowly rising lift number, banging his hands against it as if he was at fault for the slow ascent. Ianto himself tensed, fighting the urge to pace the lift to get rid of his anxious energy. The only thing keeping him together was the fact that the device had found a live signal, which meant that Rose was still here, fighting. They just had to find her in time.

“Come on, come on!” The Doctor shouted, hitting his fists even harder against the wall. Ianto wanted to reach out and pull him away, but he didn’t dare touch the Time Lord. The lift was a mess of tension which was best left alone.

And then the lift hit floor four hundred and seven, and the lift doors opened. The Doctor was racing out faster than Ianto could keep up with.

“Game Room Six, which one is it?” He shouted, turning around to stare at the others. Linda took the lead, pointing towards a set of doors.

“Over here!” She cried out.

_ “No. The correct answer is San Chen _ ."  Ianto heard a voice say, coming from the room behind the doors. He caught up with the others, slowing to a stop as they finally saw the doors.

“Stand back, let me blast it open.” Jack offered, whilst the Doctor worked on the digital handprint which allowed access to the room. Ianto stood, unsure what to do with himself. He felt utterly useless, with his best friend standing only metres away in a great deal of danger, yet there was nothing he felt he could do.

“You can't. it's made of Hydra combination.” The Doctor shouted back at Jack, sounding as worried as Ianto felt. He decided to move to see if he could help Linda, who was working on trying to manually open the door.

_ “Rose, in history, which Icelandic city hosted Murder Spree Twenty?”  _ The robot’s voice spoke out again.

_ “Reykjavik?”  _ He heard a familiar voice reply. Ianto closed his eyes, praying for the answer to be correct.

_ “No, the correct answer is Pola Ventura.” _

A familiar motif began to play, one Ianto recognised as being from The Weakest Link, and his heart dropped. He turned to look at the others.

“She got it wrong!” He uselessly pointed out.

“Doctor, we need to get in there- now!” Jack shouted, his face scrunching up. The Doctor didn’t even have the strength to reply, his entire focus being put towards trying to get the door open.

“Rose!” Ianto shouted, but got no reply. The noises from inside the studio were evidently louder than his voice, and he instead began to pound on the lift door.

“Come on, come on, come on.” The Doctor repeated, his sonic buzzing away at the door.

_ “Rodrick, you are the strongest link, you will be transported home with one thousand six hundred credits.”  _ The robot said, as Ianto began to hear Rose shout over the show host. He couldn’t make out what she was saying, but could tell her tone was panicked. His heart was in his throat, and all he wanted to do was get inside the room.

And then the doors were opening, and he almost fell into the room in his haste to move.

“Rose!” He shouted again, catching sight of her at the other side of the room. Her words seemed to stop as she saw them, though the panic of everybody in the room didn’t stop there.

“Rose!" The Doctor screamed, overtaking Ianto with his larger strides. "Stop this game!” 

“Rose, you leave this life with nothing.” The Anne Droid monotonous spoke, its arm protruding and pointing towards Rose.

“Stop this game!” Jack shouted helplessly.

“I order you to stop this game!” The Doctor echoed.

Rose started to pull away from her podium, racing forwards as the robot declared her the weakest link. “Look out for the Anne Droid, it's armed!” She shouted, running towards them. Ianto caught sight of her eyes, before he drifted towards the weapon that was swivelling to point away from Rose, and right at the Doctor.

In the blink of an eye, a white beam of light shot out of the gun, but before it could reach the Doctor, Rose was pushing herself in its way. There was a scream, and then a flash of white light. 

When Ianto opened his eyes again, he saw a pile of dust on the floor and no sight of Rose. His head throbbed as he realised what had happened. 

His best friend was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are zooming today to edit the fic in the presence of two life-size silicone baby heads. That I bought Lauren. In the hopes that she will make me a pencil case out of it. But she isn't allowed to start making it until she has finished the last chapter of the fic that is being POSTED NEXT WEEK.
> 
> Ahem. Anyway. Hope you enjoyed today's update! Thank you all for the lovely comments we have been receiving lately, we appreciate every single one of them! Also, what is scary, is the fact that we are entering the last few chapters of this fic. I'm genuinely gonna cry when we post the last one :(  
> Next chapter is out on Sunday, Rising From the Ashes! Be there or be square!  
> Find us on Tumblr: @thirteeninafez and @garknessandbones


	41. Rising From the Ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Has a Day.

Dust.

That’s all that remained of Rose Tyler. A small pile of dust on the floor, some of it swirling in the air as it fell to join the other particles carelessly left on the dirty floor. 

The world moved around him, but Ianto felt frozen to the spot. He watched as the Doctor collapsed to his hands and knees, staring at the dust in front of him. If Ianto’s own body had been willing to move from the position he was stuck in, he would’ve been down on the floor with the Time Lord. He thought back to just a few weeks ago, the pure happiness he had seen on Rose’s face as they ran down the streets of Barcelona singing Toxic whilst completely inebriated. He couldn’t remember being that happy- so full of life, and free of worry- since the day he was born.

And now Rose was gone.

“What the hell did you do to her?” He heard someone,  _ Jack _ , shout across the room, though he heard his voice as if he was underwater. Something roared in his ears as a group of guards raced into the room, grabbing his arms in a tight grip to restrain him. He watched as they did the same to the Doctor, pulling guns up to point at both of their heads. They were focused on Jack, who was still screaming and waving his gun around wildly. As Jack caught sight of the two of them, held with weapons threateningly placed against them, he dropped his gun, words catching in his throat.

“Sir, I'm arresting you under Private Legislation Sixteen of the Game Station Syndicate…” The guard holding the Doctor said, but Ianto was too shocked to listen further. As if in a trance, he let them lead him away, out of the room and into the corridor they had entered through. He didn’t pay attention as they led them to the lift; didn’t care to check which floor they were heading to. None of that mattered anymore.

They were roughly shoved into some sort of holding bay, the Doctor the primary focus of the guards. He flinched as he was shoved up against the bars of a jail cell, his face pushed against the wiring harshly.

“Can you tell us the purpose of this device, sir?” The man asked, pulling his sonic screwdriver from his pocket. Judging by the dead look inside the Doctor’s eyes, Ianto could tell that he hadn’t even registered the question being asked.

Ianto himself stood on the other side of the wiring, alongside Jack and Lynda. He resolutely refused to meet the eyes of either of them, confident that the second he did the earlier events would finally sink in and he would break down. After his unsuccessful interrogation, the Doctor was shoved into the same holding area as Ianto, Jack and Lynda were in and the guard left the room. They stood in tense silence, nobody willing to break the quiet that had sunk over them.

Minutes ticked by. Ianto couldn’t tell how long had passed, his usual good sense of time failing him as he wallowed in his grief. After they had sunk to the floor, sitting down on the cold concrete, Lynda had tried to open her mouth and start a conversation. One look from the Doctor had shut her up. A while passed, until the same guard reentered their cell.

“Can you tell us how you got on board?” He asked, standing and glaring at the four of them. When the Doctor didn’t reply, Lynda looked up at him, her fearful eyes shining with compassion.

“Just leave him alone.”

Before she had finished speaking, the guard had harshly grabbed her chin in one hand. “I'm asking him.” He said dangerously. Once he had intimidated the fight out of her, he dropped Lynda’s chin and turned back to the Doctor. “Sir? Can you tell us who you are?”

When he refused to answer again, the guard shrugged his shoulder. “Fine. We’ll start with you.”

He reached out an arm towards the closest of the four to the door, grabbing hold of Ianto’s shoulder. He pulled him roughly up and towards the exit, not needing his heavy grasp as it wasn’t like Ianto was going to put up too much of a fight. The guard had a gun and more backup that the four of them could ever fight against.

It seemed, however, that Jack wasn’t going to let him go that easily. “Woah, woah, woah,” He angrily spoke, getting to his feet quickly as he reached a hand towards Ianto’s retreating form. “What are you doing? Where are you taking him?”

The guard looked at him, and raised his gun in response. “Stay put, or I’ll be forced to retaliate.”

“You can’t just take him!” He cried out, anger and worry broadcasting out of him in waves. “What are you gonna do to him?”

“None of your business.” The guard answered, shoving Ianto out of the cell as he harshly hit Jack’s arm with the tip of his gun.

“I’ll be fine.” Ianto muttered, his voice low and heavily accented. The words didn’t do much to comfort Jack, who pulled up against the now closed mesh cell door.

“Ianto!” He called, hitting his hand against the wiring, but the guard had already led him away. The Welshman swallowed as he was taken further from his friends, down the corridor and into a larger room. He was manhandled into place in front of a black screen, an odd looking device put in front of him. The guard instructed him to stay put, moving to touch the device and press a few buttons on it. No sooner had he done so, a white light was suddenly flashing and Ianto realised that he was having his picture taken. Letting out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding, he followed the instructions given, turning his head to the left and right when told to.

All too soon he was being led back to the cell, photos taken and documented. He didn’t even care when he realised that his photo would now be on a criminal database in the year 200,100. He allowed himself a brief moment of humour as he imagined his Torchwood team’s reaction to him being a futuristic intergalactic criminal, but then he was thinking too hard about the friends he had left behind, and his sadness swallowed him right back up.

As the cell door was opened again, he was shoved unceremoniously right into Jack’s arms, the ex-Time Agent catching him in an embrace that Ianto was quick to pull back from considering their audience.

“Ianto- you’re okay!” Jack said breathlessly, his face a picture of anxiety. Ianto gave him a soft, hollow smile.

“Course. Just had my mugshots done.” He replied, moving past Jack to sit back down on the floor. The guard grabbed Jack next, dragging him out of the cell to have his own mugshot taken. 

Ianto wasn’t worried for him much, until he was returned to the cell with a red welt across his cheek. He immediately jumped up from his place on the ground, momentarily forgetting his earlier depression as protectiveness flared through him.

“What did they do to you?” He asked, reaching up a hand to gently brush his cheek, close to the mark. Jack gave him a cheeky smile, though Ianto knew his usual smile spread just that bit further across his cheeks when he was properly happy.

“The old schoolboy trick,” He said, looking at Ianto’s raised eyebrow. “I pulled a silly face at the camera.”

Ianto let out a quick snort. “Of course you did.”

“Turns out they wanted a serious photo.” He spoke, watching as the guards moved to take the Doctor away for his own photos. Ianto looked at them as they left, turning to face Jack. They couldn’t just sit around in this cell until they were escorted out to intergalactic jail, right? They had to do  _ something _ . Rose wouldn’t have wanted them to give up. He opened his mouth, about to suggest some sort of plan, but was met with one of Jack’s own eyebrow raises. He shook his head softly at Ianto, so brief that he almost missed it, but the tiny gesture was enough to convey a message to the Welshman.  _ Stay quiet and wait for the right moment. _

Ianto dropped back to the floor, sitting crossed legged as he patiently waited for the Doctor to return. He noticed Jack sit next to him, and then felt a warm hand place itself over his knee. He put his own hand over the top of it.

By the time Lynda was pushed back into the cell after her own mugshots, the door was locked and they found themselves sitting there, alone. Not another minute later the same guard was walking into the cell again, standing menacingly in front of them.

“You will be taken from this place to the Lunar Penal Colony, there to be held without trial. You may not appeal against this sentence. Is that understood?”

There was a silence as neither of the four of them chose to reply. After realising there would be no further answer to his words, the guard turned towards the door and began to walk out. As the spare guard clicked his keys into the lock, the Doctor suddenly turned to his friends.

“Let's do it.”

Jack immediately sprung into action, racing for the now open door and landing a hefty punch on the first guard. As the commotion began, a few more guards began to turn to see what was going on. In an impressive feat of gymnastics that had Ianto getting distracted for far too long by Jack’s biceps, Jack had grabbed the top of the doorway and used it to swing himself at force into the second guard, knocking him over. He moved out of the door to wrestle with another guard, leaving Ianto to follow him out. The first guard got back up on his feet and swung a heavy fist that Ianto easily intercepted. He held onto the arm, twisting it painfully around into a very awkward position, and the guard cried out as he fell to the floor. By the time he had looked up, Jack was racing to grab his gun again, and the Doctor and Lynda were close behind in claiming the other pieces of technology. The Doctor looked the tiniest bit less depressed as he grabbed hold of his sonic screwdriver once again, and then he raced out of the door, leaving the others to catch up with him.

They raced towards the lift, Jack pushing the button without needing to think. “Floor five hundred.” The Doctor decided, allowing Ianto to input the destination into the buttons on the side of the lift. 

The lift doors jolted open as they reached the floor, revealing a darkened room. There were a few people who whipped around as they heard the noise of the lift signalling its arrival. Ianto looked up and frowned as he saw something peculiar on the wall opposite. There was a body, clad in white clothing, with numerous protruding wires attached to the figure, keeping them held in the air. The rest of the room was dim, lit only by a few sparsely placed lights along the run that led to the place where the figure hung. The people standing near the person were obviously using the equipment near them to manage and control the figure, judging by the way the leads connected them to the technology below.

“Okay, move away from the desk! Nobody try anything clever,” Jack shouted, barking orders as they moved closer to the busiest part of the room. “Everybody clear. Stand to the side and stay there.”

“Who's in charge of this place?” The Doctor demanded of the figure, who upon closer inspection looked female.

“Nineteen, eighteen.” She said, completely unaware of their presence. It was as if she was in a trance.

“This Satellite's more than a Game Station.” He tried again.

“Seventy nine, eighty.” She continued, leaving Ianto to wonder at the meaning of the seemingly random numbers.

“Who killed Rose Tyler?”

“All staff are reminded that solar flares-” She said, suddenly opening her eyes wide.

“I want an answer!” The Doctor demanded.

“- occur in delta point one.” She continued, ignoring the Time Lord’s words.

“She can't reply,” One of the workers off to the side offered, and immediately held up his hands as the Doctor rounded on him, pulling his gun up to point straight at him. “Don't shoot!” 

“Oh, don't be so thick,” The Doctor grumbled, throwing him the gun. “Like I was ever going to shoot. Captain, we've got more guards on the way up. Secure the exits.”

“Yes, sir.” Jack responded, walking to do as instructed. Ianto dithered, then decided to stay with the Doctor in case he was needed for any other job.

“You. What were you saying?” The Doctor said, pointing at the man who had spoken before.

“But I've got your gun.” He said, almost questioningly.

“Okay, so shoot me. Why can't she answer?” The Doctor was quick to respond.

“She's er,” He continued, looking down at the large weapon. “Can I put this down?”

“If you want. Just hurry up.”

“Thanks. Sorry. The Controller is linked to the transmissions. The entire output goes through her brain. You're not a member of staff so she doesn't recognise your existence.”

He looked vaguely apologetic, but the Doctor ignored anything but the information he had given him. He was already barrelling onto his next question. “What's her name?”

“I don't know. She was installed when she was five years old. That's the only life she's ever known.”

Ianto frowned, wondering what her purpose was. Floor five hundred had certainly changed since the last time he was up here, but still appeared to be as shrouded in mystery as before.

“Door's sealed. We should be safe for about ten minutes.” Jack called from the other side of the room.

“Keep an eye on them.” The Doctor instructed, and a selfish part of Ianto wanted to run over to join Jack and stick by his side. His rational brain kept his feet plastered in place.

“But that stuff you were saying about something going on with the Game Station. I think you're right. I've kept a log. Unauthorised transmats, encrypted signals, it's been going on for years.”

“Show me.” The Doctor decided. From across the room there was a loud beep, and Ianto turned to see Jack guiltily pulling his hand away from a door lock control panel.

“You're not allowed in there. Archive Six is out of bounds.” A woman shouted at him. Something flashed over Jack’s expression as he held up the two guns he had over his shoulders.

“Do I look like an out of bounds sort of guy?”

Ianto watched as he disregarded the orders and turned back to the panel, opening the door. He dithered on his feet, looking between the Doctor, who was talking to The Controller, and the door Jack had disappeared behind. He shrugged, deciding he wasn’t doing anything to help the Doctor’s interrogation, and hastened to follow Jack.

He reached the door, catching it just before it closed, and pushed through. The room behind was bright, as opposed to the darker room he had left, but that wasn’t what his mind was drawn towards. Stationary in front of him, the Tardis practically glowed. At his footsteps, Jack turned around and shot him a comforting smile. Ianto noticed the way he was patting down his pockets, and rolled his eyes.

“You haven’t lost your key again, have you?” He asked rhetorically, pulling his own silver key out of his suit pocket. Jack looked sheepish as the door opened, but raced past him towards the console. As he followed Jack in, Ianto ran his hand along the railing, stopping when he touched a piece of denim material. With a pang, he realised who the jacket had belonged to. Rose. He swallowed down the lump that formed in his throat, knowing he had a job to do before he could break down and properly mourn his best friend.

Jack, standing at the center of the Tardis control room, immediately started typing something into the keyboard underneath the monitor, searching for something. Ianto walked behind him so he could look over his shoulder, eyes narrowing, until he realised what it was Jack was trying to find.

“What are you doing?” Ianto asked him, dropping his head on Jack’s shoulder.

“Trying to trace the transmat beam that brought us here.” Jack explained, typing furiously on the keyboard. “Might get us closer to figuring out what’s going on here.”

Ianto humed in response, watching as a loading bar popped up on the console screen. As it progressed, data began to show underneath it, coordinates showing where they had been transported to and from. The four that had loaded all shared the same starting point, but just as Ianto was going to point that out, a fifth signature joined the group. He frowned.

“What’s that one?”

“Oh my God,” Jack exclaimed. “What the hell?”

Ianto looked at the outlier, recognising that it had the same starting coordinates as one of the first four had as a destination. Wait. “Jack. It’s not- it couldn’t be?” He asked, allowing hope to blossom in his heart for the first time in hours.

“A fifth transmat!” Jack cried. “The disintegrator didn’t kill her- it's a transmat beam!”

Jack turned around, his face beaming full of positivity and pure joy. Before Ianto knew what was happening, there were arms around his waist and he was being lifted, spun through the air in a flurry of laughter.

They raced out of the Tardis hand in hand, making their way over to where the Doctor was still investigating, looking worried up at the Controller.

“Found the Tardis.” Jack said as they came to stand next to him.

“We're not leaving now.” He replied shortly.

“No, but the Tardis worked it out. You'll want to watch this,” He started to explain, moving a few workers out of his way as he beckoned towards Lynda. “Lynda, could you stand over there for me please?”

“Jack!” Ianto shouted, pulling his arm back as Jack lifted the gun up. “You can’t do that– what if we’re wrong?”

Jack caught his eye, and gave him a steely determined look. “But we’re not. It  _ has  _ to be a transmat.”

Ianto stepped forwards into the space that Jack had been indicating to Lynda and took a deep breath. “Then you’ll have no problem if I take Lynda’s place.”

Something flashed in Jack's eyes: a moment of protective defiance before it settled into resignation. To deny Ianto now would be the same as admitting that he didn’t care enough about Lynda’s life to protect her, and Ianto knew he had to make the decision for Jack.

“Okay?” He asked, standing tall.

Jack nodded resolutely, but refused to meet Ianto’s eyes as he raised the transmat gun up to point it at his chest.

“Fine,” He decided, aware of the silence that had fallen across the room. All eyes were on Ianto. “See you on the other side.”

Then there was a flash of light and Ianto felt the disorientating effect of his particles being moved halfway across the universe.

He came to in a dimly lit corridor that was illuminated only by the bright lights of a room in front of him. He held up his arm to block the light from blinding him, and waited a second for his vision to grow accustomed to it. His whole body was still reeling slightly from his journey across the stars, and hoped that Jack would press the return button quickly. Then he took a proper look into the room ahead of him and his eyes fixated on one figure.

Rose.

Rose was standing in the center of the room, looking terrified despite the defiant stance she had adopted. And then nothing else mattered, and Ianto was running forwards into the room, calling out her name.

“Rose!” He screamed, seeing her blonde hair whip around with the speed at which she moved to look in his direction. He saw her face morph from confusion to realisation as she recognised the figure running towards her.

“Ianto!” She called back, but not at all responding to the open excitement that Ianto was sending her. He followed her petrified gaze as it moved towards his left, as if in slow motion, and then he was looking straight at an entire room full of golden metal monsters that haunted his nightmares.

Daleks. More than he had  _ ever  _ seen, at Van Statten’s museum and Canary Wharf put together. And there was one situated barely ten metres away from him, it’s blaster tracking his movement, and then it was  _ shooting  _ and all Ianto could do was throw himself forwards. The shot barely whizzed past his back, but he didn’t have time to worry about the fact that he was being targeted or that he was losing his balance as he dodged the next attack, because his world was going black again.

He felt himself hit a tall body before he was able to open his eyes. Moments later, when he regained his ability to see, he looked directly into the eyes of a familiar Time Lord, who looked scared and entirely out of his depth. Ianto suddenly came to the realisation that, in his panic, he had completely forgotten how to breathe. He opened his mouth as he took in a large lungful of air, feeling his body go dizzy as he recovered from the lack of oxygen.

“Jack!” The Doctor called out, holding Ianto as far away from his own body as he could. Jack ran over, and the second he was close enough to them, the Doctor was shoving Ianto’s paralysed body into Jack’s warm embrace. Ianto collapsed into his arms, his whole body shaking with miniscule movement as he tried to comprehend what had just happened.

“Ianto,” Jack murmured, holding him still with one arm as his other reached across him to soothe his hair. “Ianto, hey, Ianto. It’s okay. You’re back. What happened?”

Ianto allowed himself to languish in the comfort Jack was providing him for as long as it took him to remember the urgency he had to act with. He pulled away from Jack, now being able to hold himself up without aid.

“Doctor.” He said, staring right at the Time Lord. “I saw Rose. She was there.”

“Rose?” The Doctor choked, his whole posture changing as he was filled with a newfound sense of hope. A disbelieving grin broke out across his face. “She’s alive? But that’s fantastic!”

“No, Doctor. No. It’s not.” Ianto said, his face broken. “I found her in a room full of Daleks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for my, Remi's, chapters of this fic!! Big sad time :((((( I hope you like this final chapter of mine. This is the last time for a while that I'll be in control of the shared screen on Zoom :(  
> Last episode for this fic is coming up next Wednesday, The Parting of the Ways. Only 3 chapters leftttttttttttttt (I am getting far too emotional over this when I know we have 3 more books coming after it lol)  
> Thank you for all kudos and comments as ever!! You can find us on Tumblr @thirteeninafez and @garknessandbones


	42. The Parting of the Ways

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Finally Gets His Gun Back

The next five minutes were all a blur to Ianto. His mind was still reeling from coming face to face with his worst nightmares once again. In a haze, Jack tugged him into the Tardis, shouting out the coordinates and a half-brained plan. It wasn’t until they were in flight and there was a quiet half moment to breath that Jack could check on Ianto.

“Ianto?” Jack held his face carefully in both palms, like he was cradling the world. “Are you okay?”

His piercing blue eyes cut through the fog Ianto was drifting in like the beam of a lighthouse. He pushed down all his fear and panic, using adrenaline to compartmentalise it into a little box in the corner in his mind, locked away until there was time to process it. Right now, the only thing that mattered was saving Rose. 

“I’m fine.” He even managed to force up a shaky smile, laying one hand over Jack’s. “Just worried about Rose.”

Jack smiled back, a tense, tight thing, before pulling away. “Help me with the extrapolator.”

They hurried to connect it up, haphazardly shoving wires into their ports. They didn’t need to stay there long, just a few minutes, just long enough, as long as the connection stayed until they were safe. Ianto taped over unsoldered joins, ripping at the plastic insulation with his teeth until he could taste glue on his tongue. Wires twisted around themselves hung from the extrapolator and ran back to Jack at the Tardis console. 

They worked as a team, passing tools and materials and talking in half sentences and disjointed, panicked thoughts. Nothing on the Tardis was ever neat or tidy or organised and Ianto had learnt to look for the order in the chaos, to ride the waves and not fight them. If he paid enough attention he could even pick out the sense in the Doctor’s seemingly random actions on the other side of the Tardis (but he didn’t, all his attention was focused on his task at hand).

They weaved around Dalek ships with barely a lurch. For once the Tardis listened to the Doctor’s commands– or maybe, he was listening to hers. Maybe they were working in tandem, like he and Jack. Instinctive and familiar.

Jack pulled the scanner down to his eye level. “We’ve got incoming!” 

Ianto twisted the final two wires together, holding them in place with a bundle of tape. The roll dangles from the board, no time to rip the section off. Then there was a boom as the Dalek missile hit the outside of the Tardis. The console room filled with bright orange light spilling through the windows in the front door.

But no fireballs came to claim their lives.

Ianto laughed out a sigh of relief. “The extrapolator's working. We've got a fully functional forcefield.” 

Jack grinned at him. “Try saying that when you're drunk.”

“And for my next trick.” The Doctor slammed down a lever and the familiar whirring of the Tardis destabilizers filled the room.

Slowly, the lines blurred around him and Rose faded in and out of view until she was standing solidly between him and Jack– and staring completely over his shoulder.

“Rose, Ianto! Get down!”

Ianto wasn’t sure what was behind him; he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. So he did as he was told. He ducked down into a crouch, grabbing Rose’s hand on the way and dragging her down with him. They hid their heads under each other’s arms as the chilling sound of the Dalek shouting “ _Exterminate_ ” came from behind them. A shot passed through the space where a millisecond ago Ianto had been standing, frying the air and creating so much static that Ianto felt his hair stand on end.

A second zap sounded, followed by a loud explosion. The Dalek’s eyestalk landed at Ianto's feet. Ianto only had time to let out the breath he had been holding in before Rose was pulled out of his grip and wrapped, laughing, in the Doctor’s arms.

“Feels like I haven’t seen you in years.” Rose clung tight to him, hands bunched in the back of the Time Lord’s leather jacket.

“I’d always come get you.”

“Never doubted it.”

As they reunited, Jack extended a hand out to Ianto, who took it gratefully and let Jack haul him up from his crouched position. The smoking husk of the Dalek spluttered behind him and he spun, fully expecting to have to fight for his life again. 

Jack rested his hand on Ianto’s shoulder. “Whoa, easy there, tiger. It’s dead.”

“And there’s thousands more alive just outside those doors.”

“Well then,” Jack steered Ianto away from the exploded Dalek and towards Rose and the Doctor by the console, “it’s a good thing you fixed up that forcefield.” 

A squeeze of his hand and a reassuring smile shot his way and Ianto finally relaxed; at least, he relaxed as much as he could in the circumstances. At last, he gave Jack the smile he had been searching for. Jack’s own turned blinding and he turned to the still embracing couple by the console.

“Hey, don't I get a hug?” Jack joked.

She pulled away from the Doctor and practically leapt into Jack’s arms. When she caught Ianto’s eye from over Jack's shoulder she reached out, grabbing his wrist and pulling him in to join them. “Oh, come here!” 

“I was talking to him.” Jack nodded towards the Doctor but he had one arm tight around Ianto and the other around Rose’s waist. Rose’s laughter filled their ears.

“Welcome home.” Ianto mumbled into a mouthful of golden locks. He couldn’t see anything outside of Rose’s grin and the slight stubble on Jack’s jaw. For a precious few seconds it was just them inside a cocoon, no danger waiting a few mere feet away, their safety resting on Jack’s shoddy instructions and Ianto’s own intuition when wiring up the extrapolator. Just him and Jack and Rose. If he extended his cocoon a little further, there was the Doctor with his gruff grumbles, hovering in their orbit like a planet without the courage to crash into Rose’s sun. Maybe they all were. 

The sun tightened her grip on the lapels of his suit jacket, her warmth radiating into his very soul. “I thought I’d never see you two again.” She was okay. No Dalek had killed his best friend and, if he had anything to do with it, no Dalek would.

“You were lucky.” Strong arms squeezed Ianto closer to Rose. “That was a one shot wonder.” Then all of a sudden the cocoon was broken and Jack pulled away. When Ianto stepped back, he wasn’t sure if it was to return to the present or if it was to chase the warmth now missing from his back. 

Jack kicked the abandoned defabricator. “Drained the gun of all its power supply. Now it’s just a piece of junk.”

Ianto glared at it like it was its personal fault that it was now just a lump of space metal. “Great.”

Rose looked over his shoulder to the Doctor. He was poking at the sad lump of slimy tendrils inside the shell of the destroyed Dalek. He picked one tentacle up with the end his sonic screwdriver, then let it flop back down with a squelch.

“You said they were extinct. How comes they're still alive?” Rose asked.

Jack crouched down next to the Dalek, peering at the creature inside with interest, but Ianto didn’t want to get any closer to it than where he was right now. For once, he had no interest in working out the inner mechanisms of an alien species.

Jack twisted his neck round to glance at Ianto, then focused on Rose. “One minute they're the greatest threat in the universe, the next minute they vanished out of time and space.”

“They went off to fight a bigger war.” The Doctor’s voice was distant. “The Time War.”

“I thought that was just a legend.”

“I was there. The war between the Daleks and the Time Lords, with the whole of creation at stake. My people were destroyed, but they took the Daleks with them. I almost thought it was worth it. Now it turns out they died for nothing.” The Doctor never once looked away from the Dalek in front of him.

Ianto shifted his feet and put his hands on his hips, trying to look more confident than he felt. “There's thousands of them out there. We could hardly stop one last time. What're we going to do?”

The Doctor huffed out through his nose, then slapped his hands against his thighs and stood from his crouching squat. “No good stood round here chin wagging. Human race, you'd gossip all day. The Daleks have got the answers. Let's go and meet the neighbours.” He flashed them all a grin before striding like a man with a deathwish towards the doors.

“You can’t go out there!” Rose ran after him in a panic. 

Ianto felt his heart jump into his throat as the doors were flung open and the robotic sound of the Daleks immediately penetrated his brain. Flashes of electric blue light raced straight for the Doctor, only to explode and envelop the Tardis when they hit the forcefield. The Doctor stood tall, the proud smirk etched onto his face obvious even from behind. Ianto let out the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. The force field worked.

Ianto gathered with the others in the doorway of the Tardis, watching from over the Dalek’s shoulders as they continued to try and fire at the Tardis. 

Eventually the firing slowed to a stop as they realised it was futile.

The Doctor laughed, crossing his arms. “Is that it? Useless! Nul points.” He turned to the three in the Tardis as he leant against her, beaming. The fear that had covered his face when Rose had gone missing was completely erased. “It's all right, come on out. That force field can hold back anything.”

Jack just took a step out and to the side, not straying too far from the ship. “Almost anything.”

Ianto held back a groan, instead just rolling his eyes and elbowing Jack in the side as he joined him outside the ship. “We weren’t going to tell  _ them _ that, Jack.”

“Sorry.” Jack might’ve looked more sheepish if he had taken his eyes off the hordes of Dalek’s in front of them. 

As the Doctor turned his glare off Jack and walked towards the Daleks (stopping just before the force field), Ianto felt a small hand slip into his left one. Ianto entangled his fingers between Rose's, feeling her squeeze his hand tight. He squeezed back and that was how they stood. They watched as the Doctor delivered yet another of his dramatic hero speeches. Ianto wanted to roll his eyes when he monologued over storms and emotions and burning but the Daleks were rolling away and if they had any emotions left in their cold dead bodies Ianto could’ve sworn it was fear.

“So tell me. How did you survive the Time War?” The Doctor finished.

“They survived through me.” The lights next to them suddenly came up and Ianto realised that the room they were in was far bigger than he had originally thought. He’d barely even realised that there wasn't a wall to the side of him. The floor extended into a platform that led straight to a large apparatus. It reminded Ianto of a product design student that had to make an exploded isometric design of a Dalek. At the centre, in a tank suspended from the massive Dalek head, one of the mutant squids, from inside a Dalek, was floating, as though sitting on it’s throne.

“Rose, Ianto, Captain,” The Doctor didn’t face them as he spoke, eyes trained on the monstrosity before them. “This is the Emperor of the Daleks.”

“You destroyed us, Doctor. The Dalek race died in your inferno, but my ship survived, falling through time, crippled but alive.”

“I get it.”

“Do not interrupt.” A Dalek near them commanded. Soon the entire room, all the Dalek’s both on the floor and floating miles above them were repeating those words like a robotic chorus.

The Doctor raised his voice over the cacophony as he continued to speak. “I think you're forgetting something. I'm the Doctor, and if there's one thing I can do, it's talk.”

“Don’t we know it...” Ianto murmured, just loud enough that Jack and Rose could hear him. Rose bit back a laugh and Jack gave him a scandalised look combined with just enough of a badly hidden smile that Ianto knew he appreciated the stupid joke.

“I've got five billion languages, and you haven't got one way of stopping me.”

Ianto had been trying to pay attention to the Doctor but Jack’s elbow in his side easily broke his focus. The captain leant in to mumble in Ianto’s ear. “I find gagging usually works. Could use your tie.”

Ianto swallowed his laugh, smirking at Jack. “Careful, with those big ears he’ll hear you.”

He and Jack shared a giggle like school children at the back of a classroom, only interrupted when–

“Do you two mind?” The Doctor looked at both of them with the same exasperation as a disappointed parent. Slowly, he turned back to the Emperor with feigned nonchalance. “So, where were we?”

“We waited here in the dark space, damaged but rebuilding.” The Emperor's voice was really starting to rub Ianto the wrong way. “Centuries passed, and we quietly infiltrated the systems of Earth, harvesting the waste of humanity. The prisoners, the refugees, the dispossessed. They all came to us. The bodies were filtered, pulped, sifted. The seed of the human race is perverted. Only one cell in a billion was fit to be nurtured.”

“So you created an army of Daleks out of the dead.” Ianto interrupted, if only to hear something other than that grating crackly voice.

Rose gasped. “That makes them half human.”

“Those words are blasphemy.” Ianto wasn’t sure if the Emperor was trying to growl, or if that was just his voice when he started to get angry. Soon the gravelly voice was drowned out by thousands of other electronic voices starting to chant and scream. “Do not blaspheme! Do not blaspheme!”

“Everything human has been purged. I cultivated pure and blessed Dalek.”

The Doctor twisted around as the Emperor spoke, a frown twisting his face and shattering his calmly stoic appearance. “Since when did the Daleks have a concept of blasphemy?”

“I reached into the dirt and made new life. I am the God of all Daleks!”

The Daleks started to chant again, the noise of their prayers surrounding Ianto from every side. “Worship him. Worship him! _Worship him!_ ” There was nowhere to hide from it.

“They're insane.” The Doctor realised suddenly. “Hiding in silence for hundreds of years, that's enough to drive anyone mad. But it's worse than that. Driven mad by your own flesh. The stink of humanity. You hate your own existence.” The Doctor stared into the eyestalk of the Dalek closest to him, the look of contempt and disgust clear on his face. “And that makes them more deadly than ever. We're going.”

He didn’t need to tell them twice. Rose dragged Ianto along, her hand still firmly planted in his. Jack followed close behind. The sounds of the Daleks shouting followed them as they all bundled into the Tardis. The last thing Ianto heard before the Doctor slammed the door behind them was a bone chilling threat.

_ “You will be exterminated!” _

The short trip back to Satellite Five was the smoothest the Tardis had ever flown. She landed without the slightest bump and the Doctor was running out the door before engines had even settled, shouting orders to the group gathered by the console. Tubes dangled from the wall where Ianto remembered seeing a girl suspended (before he had been transmatted halfway across the galaxy).

“Did you contact Earth?” The Doctor was asking across the room.

“Well, we tried to warn them, but all they did was suspend our license because we stopped the programmes.” The man, who before had seemingly been in charge (no matter now panicked that leadership had been), immediately stepped away from the computers he had been working at to allow the Doctor through. Only a small handful of people remained on the 500th floor. The Doctor barged through all of them to check the reports flashing across the screens.

“So the planet's just sitting there, defenceless.” The Doctor turned back around to the people gathering around his shoulders, his gaze twisting in that way that made Ianto (and everyone else) feel personally responsible for the situation at hand.

He averted his eyes awkwardly until the Doctor had moved his gaze on from Ianto. Then he noticed the young woman floating on the edge of the group and frowned. 

“Lynda, you’re still on board?”

The Doctor whipped his head round to stare at her, then glared at the man. “I told you to evacuate everyone.”

He held his hands up, looking even more scared to be met with the Doctor’s glare than he had done when they had run in with guns blaring. “She wouldn't go.”

“Didn't want to leave you.” Lynda piped up like a petulant child who had been told she needed to leave a party early. There was a steel backbone of steady determination running through it though, one that made Ianto realise she already had so much trust in the Doctor that she would do anything he asked. She reminded him of Rose. 

“There weren't enough shuttles anyway, or I wouldn't be here.” A woman from the middle of the small group spoke, expression and tone soured by fear. “We've got about a hundred people stranded on Floor Zero.”

Ianto shared a worried look with Rose, only to be interrupted by the man (he should really ask him his name) standing by the computers. “Oh, my God. The Fleet is moving. They're on their way.”

The Doctor looked up briefly, sonic sticking haphazardly out of his mouth as he took apart panels and ripped wires out of their casings until they wrapped like boa constrictors around his feet. ”Dalek plan. Big mistake, because what have they left me with?” He looked around, clearly expecting an answer. “Anyone? Anyone?” He frowned when he was met with only blank stares. “Oh, come on, it's obvious. A great big transmitter. This station. If I can change the signal, fold it back, sequence it, anyone?”

Realisation dawned slowly as Jack’s eyes widened. “You've got to be kidding.”

“Give the man a medal.” The Doctor clapped sarcastically, but a grin was spreading across his face, only matched by the one splitting Jack’s face in two from ear to ear.

“A Delta Wave?”

“A Delta Wave!”

Rose frowned and Ianto was glad he wasn’t the only one in the dark. “What's a Delta Wave?”

Jack spun to look at them, eyes lighting up in the way that they only did when he got to talk about some nerdy piece of technology. “A wave of Van Cassadyne energy. It fries your brain. Stand in the way of a Delta Wave and your head gets barbecued.”

“And this place can transmit a massive wave. Wipe out the Daleks!” The way the Doctor bounced on the balls of his feet transformed him into an excited schoolboy. 

“Well, get started and do it then.” Lynda shooed at him.

The Doctor’s smile wavered ever so slightly then, not noticeable to anyone who didn’t already know him. “Trouble is, wave this size, building this big, brain as clever as mine, should take about, oh, three days?” He turned to the man. “How long till the Fleet arrives?”

“Twenty two minutes.” 

Ianto caught the Doctor’s eye, a challenge twinkling in it, and he couldn’t help but grin back at him. “We better start then.”

Ianto wiped the sweat from his brow, sitting back on his heels to crack his back out. It had only been a few minutes but his hands were starting to cramp up and there were small stinging cuts on the tips of his fingers that had been caused by sharp copper wiring. But at long last he was done –seemed like force fields were becoming his speciality. “We've now got a forcefield so they can't blast us out of the sky, but that doesn't stop the Daleks from physically invading.”

“Do they know about the Delta Wave?” Pavale (he had finally gotten the man’s name while Ianto had been reeling off the forcefield coordinates) asked. Ianto rolled his head on his shoulders, listening to the crack of his neck, and was about to reply when Jack beat him to it.

“They'll have worked it out at the same time. So, they want to stop the Doctor. That means they've got to get to this level, five hundred.” He turned to Ianto with a fond smile, letting him explain the next bit.

Ianto took over the simple explanation easily. “Now, I can concentrate the extrapolator around the top six levels, five hundred to four nine five. So they'll penetrate the station below that at level four nine four and fight their way up.”

“Who are they fighting?”

“Us.” Jack said simply.

Pavale paled slightly at the thought of fighting; Ianto saw his Adam’s apple bob once, but then he schooled his features back to a semblance of calm. “And what are we fighting with?”

Ianto gestured to the guns still slung across Jack’s back. “The guards had guns with bastic bullets. That's enough to blow a Dalek wide open.”

“There's six of us.” The panicked cry came from the same woman who earlier had made it clear she was not here by choice. Ianto was trying to keep his cool with her– this wasn’t a situation anyone here wanted to be in, and these civilians were in no way prepared to deal with going to war with one of the most feared species in the universe, but she hadn’t even attempted the simple busy work that Ianto had given her and his nerves were frazzled and his patience was thinning. Not to mention the headache forming at the base of his head, from stress or caffeine withdrawal he couldn’t tell. Before he could snap back at her, the Doctor interrupted, a calming hand landing on his shoulder.

“Ianto, give us a hand and grab those wires over there. Rose, you can help me. I need all of them stripping bare.”

“Right,” the woman muttered. “Now there's four of us.”

“You can save the world from worse threats than this with only four people. As long as they all put some damn effort in.” His tone betrayed his barely concealed irritation. Then he thought back to the team at the Hub, thousands and thousands of years in the past. Jack looked at him and smiled and for a split second Ianto was back at Torchwood, saving the world from the sidelines. Then the memory of the graffiti covered wall where the Tourist Centre should’ve stood flooded his mind and all the air was punched from his lungs. Jack was about to go downstairs and fight off an army of Daleks with no protection except for some measly guns. He wasn’t even immortal.

Jack could die here today, on a spaceship, lifetimes away from Cardiff and Torchwood Three,  _ their _ Torchwood Three, would cease to exist. 

Ianto dropped the wires at Rose’s feet, taking a minute to just watch Jack as he barked orders at the newscasters that had stayed after the evacuation. They weren’t soldiers, neither was Rose. They never asked to fight the monsters that were on their way. He doubted any of them had even fired a gun before. There was no hesitation in his mind as he made his decision. He smiled at Rose, but turned and strode off across the room almost as soon as he had stopped by her. 

The Doctor raised an eyebrow as Ianto approached. “You can help Rose strip wires, y’know.” 

“You know I can’t do that.” Ianto saw the moment that understanding passed across the Doctor’s face, only to be quickly replaced by sadness and regret. He forced his signature dry look. “Don’t tell me you've forgotten how much I love blowing up Daleks?”

The Doctor didn’t smile. “I could take you home, you and Rose. You don’t have to fight here.”

“I always knew I’d die before I hit thirty.” Ianto smiled ruefully. He was taken aback when, instead of a witty retort he was met by the Doctor pulling him into a sudden hug. 

“You’ve been  _ fantastic _ , Ianto, Ianto Jones.” 

It suddenly felt so much more real, this battle that Ianto was walking into. The Doctor, unwavering in his insults and his banter, was hugging and praising him. Like it was his last chance to ever do so. 

It didn’t change his mind. He knew what he had to do, for the world, for Rose, for Jack. 

He took advantage of the Doctor’s rare show of affection, deft fingers slipping into the large pockets of his leather jacket and back out before the Doctor even noticed. By the time the two men were pulling away from each other, Ianto’s hands were resting easily in his trouser pockets. 

It was only then that he noticed Lynda hovering by his shoulder in an attempt to attract the Doctor’s attention. “I just want to say, er, thanks, I suppose, and I'll do my best.”

The Doctor smiled, shaking her hand warmly. “Me too.”

Ianto moved off to the sidelines as Jack said his goodbyes to their friends. He approached Rose first; Ianto could see the tears sparkling in her eyes. 

“It's been fun, but I guess this is goodbye.” Ianto didn't know how Jack could do it; if he said goodbye to Rose and had that heartbreaking gaze pointed his direction there would be no chance he could take that lift down to the lower floors. 

Rose blinked rapidly, shaking her head. “Don't talk like that. The Doctor's going to do it. You just watch him.”

Jack grinned, just enough of his charm and flirt to take away the edge of sadness tinging his expression. “Even if he doesn’t, you lot are worth fighting for.” He kissed her, making her laugh and slap his shoulder, even a tear escaped and rolled down her face.

Then he turned to the Doctor, grabbing his face. “Wish I'd never met you, Doctor. I was much better off as a coward.” Then he practically smashed their faces together, giving the Doctor a solid kiss on the mouth. The Doctor still looked bewildered even after Jack had pulled back.

“Ianto.” Jack turned to where Ianto had been standing a few seconds ago and frowned.

Ianto wasn’t there anymore, instead standing by the lift, gun in one hand and in the other, the magazine clip he had slipped from the Doctor’s pockets. He raised an eyebrow into a perfectly teasing arch. “Did you really think I’d let you have all the fun?”

Jack grinned even as the realisation of the danger they were heading into twisted his expression. Pride and fear and something else shone in his eyes, so intense that Ianto ducked his head to focus on loading his gun even though he in no way needed to. He could still feel Jack’s gaze burning into him, filling him with warmth.

The Doctor’s disgruntled snort broke the tension between him and Jack with ease. Ianto’s head jerked up to watch him splutter. “When did you get that back?”

“You should really zip up your pockets.” Ianto holstered it in his belt. “Come on, we don’t have all day.”

Ianto backed into the lift and held the doors as Jack joined him. 

“See you in hell.” Jack gave the Doctor a jokey salute.

Ianto finally worked up the courage to meet Rose’s eyes. He tried to smile, but it soon wavered and fell flat as he was met by her tears. “Jack’s right Rose, you’re worth fighting for.” She scrubbed at her eyes, bouncing on her feet as he hesitated, obviously weighing something up in her mind. Then she raced forwards to hug Ianto, to give him a proper goodbye. 

She was only a few steps away when the lift doors closed. She was left staring, not at her best friend, but at her faded reflection in the brushed metal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhhh it's the beginning of the end now! Only two more chapters left after this one! (At least, until we've finished writing the next books!)   
> Fun fact: Much to Remi's dismay, I only finished writing this episode last night (technically this morning... it was 12:30) ((Remi finished Bad Wolf at least a month ago)) (((but in my defense, they didn't move house TWICE in the month of september, and also isn't back at uni yet)))  
> Thank you so much as always for all your comments and theories (they're lovely to reply to while waiting for my zoom lectures). We're honestly going to miss them so much when this book ends :(   
> Hit us up on @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez with whatever the hell you want (doesn't have to be time tracks related or even torchwood/doctor who related)
> 
> We're back on Friday with The Emperor, the Mechanic, and the Tea Boy!


	43. The Emperor, the Mechanic, and the Tea Boy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Doesn't Know What's Going On (because Lauren and I are drunk and can't come up with a good alternative title)

There were still at least a hundred people crowded on the bottom floor, shoving and pushing in an attempt to get to the doors where the escape pods had once been. If those doors opened now all that would happen is that the remaining group would be sucked out into space. Ianto realised this must’ve been what it was like to be on the Titanic once all the life rafts were used up. Sinking with no hope of escape.

Jack held onto his arm as they weaved through the crush until they reached a pile of crates abandoned by the edge. It was emptier here; there was no one fighting for the smallest chance at freedom. Jack scrambled up onto the crates, standing tall and surveying the cavern of a room in front of them, before leaning down and grasping Ianto’s hand to pull him up next to him.

Lynda– lovely, out-of-her-depth Lynda– stuck close to their sides the entire time. Ianto had even felt a soft tug on his arm a couple times as he moved just that tad bit faster than she could manage. However, once they had stood on the rickety pile of crates, she seemed content to merely watch from the lower vantage, slinking into the backdrop of frantic bodies.

The crowd froze and spun to face them as Jack fired his machine gun into the air. In the end, it was Ianto that pulled his arm down and finger from the trigger. They didn’t have the luxury of wasting bullets just to get some attention. 

“Alright!” Jack barked, sounding every bit like the officer role he had conned his way into in London. “There are Daleks rapidly approaching this satellite. We need volunteers to fight them. It won’t be long until they reach us. Who’s willing to help defend the world?” His cocky grin added to the end of his sentence, something that usually helped the Torchwood team rally themselves, did nothing to put the nervous refugees at ease.

Murmurs that had started at the first mention of the Daleks turned to panicked discussions. Ianto could even hear a woman sobbing for her children, abandoned back on Earth when the transmit beam had taken her. 

Jack’s smile froze and dropped as he turned to Ianto with a helpless look. He was a man who could inspire armies of soldiers to fight, but this was no army. This was a crowd of regular people who were scared witless, suddenly faced with their own mortality in a way that nobody should ever be. 

Ianto looked out over the flurry of activity. At least the crush against the doors had stopped; he could see a body still collapsed just metres from the large steel door, trampled to, he presumed, death. The first casualty of the Dalek invasion, and the battle hadn’t even started yet. 

“Everyone!” Ianto raised his voice just loud enough to be heard over the din, but he didn’t shout. “You’re scared, we know you are. So are we.” They were cowering in fear, held by the strangers they found themselves surrounded by. Finding comfort in each other, in humanity, the way humans, even in the worst of times, always did. 

“We wouldn’t be asking this of you if there was any other option.” He continued, “Please, for the sake of your families at home, for your fellow man here, help us.” His next words got stuck in his throat, but he forced them out, as strong and assured as the last. “We only need to hold them off until our friend finishes a weapon that will wipe them all out. If we can do that, you’ll all be safe.”

The words died out in the quiet atmosphere. He could see a few people in the crowd straighten their backs determinedly, but many of those quickly wilted like flowers in the heat. A few though, stood strong.

Jack’s fingers brushed against Ianto’s and soon they stood, hand in hand, looking out from their vantage on the crates. “One last time!” Jack shouted. “Any volunteers? There's an army about to invade this station. I need every last citizen to mount a defence.”

A man– the same man, Ianto realised with a sudden burst of anger, that had beaten Rose in the Weakest Link– suddenly spoke up, his voice condescending and snotty. “Don’t listen to them. There aren't any Daleks. They disappeared thousands of years ago.”

Ianto opened his mouth to bite back with a scathing retort but he was cut off when a man, dressed smartly with a bright yellow lanyard hanging around his neck, stepped forward with a hand raised. “I’ll do it.”

Jack’s face broke out into a relieved smile as another two joined that first volunteer. It wasn’t nearly as many people as they were hoping for, but at the same time, they barely had enough weapons for the number of people they had started with to use. 

“Thanks. As for the rest of you, the Daleks will enter the station at floor four nine four and as far as I can tell, they'll head up, not down. But that's not a promise. So here's a few words of advice. Keep quiet. And if you hear fighting up above- if you hear us _dying-_ then tell me that the Daleks aren't real. Don't make a sound. Let's go.”

Jack jumped off the crates, closely followed by Ianto. They moved quickly across the room, followed by their small ragtag band of volunteers. As soon as they were crammed into the lift and Ianto had elbowed the button for Floor 499, Jack was off, running through the plan with the new volunteers. Ianto had heard it all before (he had helped come up with it after all, and had the idea to weaponise the Anne-Droid in the first place, along with the two killer robots from the Pointless room, if they could get them up from Floor 174) and he quickly found himself zoning Jack out, especially since he was explaining everything out properly, rather than the military– or possibly just  _ Jack _ – shorthand that he would use for Torchwood Three. 

Instead, Ianto faded into the background of the lift, using this time to get a good look at the three volunteers that had joined them. He couldn’t help but find similarities in them that reminded him painfully of the team that he’d left behind in Cardiff. Maybe it was the stress of the situation or the fact that his colleagues had been weighing on his mind since he had run into Gwen on the Plass, but he swore that the man who had volunteered first had the exact same smile as her, complete with the gap between his front teeth and all. Even his hair was the same shade of black-brown. 

The two women who had volunteered with him also felt familiar. One of them, a short red-head no older than thirty, had eyes that, when Jack cracked a terrible joke in an attempt to lighten the stifling mood, crinkled up in the same way Owen’s did when he laughed. 

The other woman, though tall and albino and in appearance wise, every way completely different to Toshiko, her eyes shone with the same steely intelligence, only exaggerated when Jack explained the plan to use the droids as defence systems. She crossed her arms and, with a few choice words about where Jack could stick his vortex manipulator, convinced Jack to let her take the lead on that, with Ianto assisting.

Jack had protested, but apparently having a penknife in his pocket and personal knowledge of Dalek weaponry made Ianto more qualified to help than Jack’s knowledge of 51st Century technology.

Which was how Ianto found himself back in the Pointless studio, learning about the exact type of energy used by the robotics’ transmit beams and how it could be converted into a form fatal to Daleks.

The woman listened to Ianto’s slightly dodgy explanation of the personal forcefields that the Dalek’s used. He explained how they’d been able to create a forcefield using the tribophysical waveforms created by the extrapolator that blocked the Dalek’s own shots. It was only when he stopped speaking and watched as she crouched down by the robots to detach them from their platforms on the floor, that Ianto realised he didn’t even know what she was called.

“Sorry, I never got your name.”

She looked up from her task. Their faces were close from crouching on the floor together, close enough he could see her small frown. “Do names matter in this situation?”

Ianto thought of all the unnamed victims of Canary Wharf. “Names always matter.”

“It’s Tazene.” She paused. “Newsatoberry.” 

Ianto smiled and shook her oil-covered hand briefly. “Ianto Jones.”

They worked to remove the droids quickly, not speaking except for the grunts they made as they attempted to wheel the robots into the lift. They didn’t speak again until they were on Floor 495 and Tazene was demonstrating how to rewire the Anne-droid so Ianto could do the same to the Osbot. 

“How do you know how to do this?” Ianto asked around the small torch he was holding between his teeth.

“I’m one of the mechanics for the droids on the shows.”

“You helped build these things?” The shock that she was part of a company that killed people on live TV was clear in his voice.

“It’s grunt work, but good money. And it means my family is exempt from the Lottery.” She snapped defensively before turning back to her job.

Ianto stayed silent for a few moments. “You have a family?” He asked, in an attempt to smooth over his transgression.

Tazene nodded but didn’t speak.

Ianto shifted his weight awkwardly from his knees to the balls of his feet. “Do they live on Earth?” 

He was surprised to see Tazene shake her head. “Both my wife and I work on the Satellite. She took a few weeks leave though, took the kids down to Earth; they’re visiting my parents in Europa.”

“What are your kids like?”

They finished their work accompanied by the comforting chatter of Tazene telling him domestic stories of her wife and how their two children had been raised on the Satellite, surrounded by, yet protected from, the horrific games their mothers worked on. 

By the time they were back in the lift to join the other volunteers on Floor 499, they had lapsed back into a– this time comfortable– silence, only broken by the soft dings as they passed each floor.

“Are we going to survive this, Ianto?” Tazene asked suddenly, taking a shaky breath. The reality of the situation seemed to have just hit her like a slap across the face.

The white lie died on Ianto’s lips as he met her eyes. “I don’t know.” He admitted. “But this, protecting the Doctor so he can create the Delta Wave, it’s our only chance."

“I trust the Doctor with my life. If there’s any way for us all to get out of this alive, he’ll figure it out.”

Ianto smiled at her, relieved to see some of the tension ease from her shoulders. Her eyes still shone with fear, but even so she managed to smile back.

When they returned to Floor 499, they were met with a blockade constructed from scraps of metal, welded together with makeshift blowtorches and sheer determination. Jack stood tall, head visible over the top as he handed out their small pile of weapons to the volunteers gathered. His expression didn’t change when he noticed Ianto coming to stand on his right hand side, but the tense lines around his eyes softened slightly. 

“How are our secret weapons?”

“Set up and raring to go. They’re on sensors, but we can control them from any of the computers using Tazene’s log in.”

“Tazene?”

Ianto nodded towards his new friend, who was being shown how to use the gun that was thrust into her hands by the others. As he watched their demonstration, he noticed something strange. He glanced at Jack’s own gun, then back to everyone else’s.

“Jack?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you tell them all that the safety has to be  _ off _ for the guns to fire?”

Jack looked down at his gun. “ _ Shit. _ ” He cursed before hurrying to go tell the rest of their make-shift militia his mistake. On his way he turned, and shot a glare back at Ianto. “Stop laughing and do something useful like call up the laser codes.” 

There was no heat to his words, only playful banter (and slight embarrassment). So Ianto gave him a cheeky wink back and a “Yes, Sir,” before continuing on with his job at the computer. Jack was quick to rejoin him, standing over his shoulder as Ianto input the codes. 

Ianto pulled up the comms and a grainy picture of the floor above appeared in the upper corner of the screen. No one was visible, but Ianto could hear the distinctive buzz of the Doctor’s sonic screwdriver at work. “Rose, I've called up the internal laser codes. There should be a different number on every screen. Can you read them out to me?”

The Doctor’s head popped into view for just a second as he moved around the console, but his head was down, eyes firmly glued to the task at hand. “She’s not here.”

“Of all the times to take a leak. When she gets back, tell her to read Ianto the codes.” Jack rolled his eyes, but Ianto knew that the Doctor wasn’t telling them everything.

The Doctor glanced up at the camera. "She’s not coming back.”

“What do you mean?” Jack frowned. “Where'd she go?”

“Just get on with your work.” The Doctor’s tone had a bite that Ianto had only heard a few times before, and _only_ when he knew that Rose was annoyed at the Time Lord. Suddenly, Ianto clocked what had happened.

“You took her home, didn't you?”

“Yeah.”

The response that had come to Ianto as a rare moment of relief, easing the tension that had settled permanently on his shoulders since he had woken up in a game of Pointless, did the exact opposite to Jack. He immediately bristled, hackles raising. When he spoke, it was accusatory. “And you didn’t think to do the same with Ianto? He doesn’t belong here either.”

Ianto turned away from the screen to glare. “Neither do you Jack.”

“I’m a Time Agent,” Jack fired back, “I’m trained for situations like this–“

“And so am I!” Ianto stood his ground, daring Jack to try and argue with him. When Jack made no moves to, he turned back to the view screen. “The Delta Wave. Is it going to be ready?”

“Tell them the truth, Doctor.” This new voice, familiar from their brief trip to the Dalek fleet, sent shivers down Ianto’s spine even as distorted as it was. It was fainter than the Doctor’s, only being picked up by his mic as it came out of the speakers on Floor 500. It was the voice of the Dalek Emperor. “There is every possibility the Delta Wave could be complete, but no possibility of refining it. The Delta Wave must kill every living thing in its path, with no distinction between human and Dalek. All things will die,”

Ianto looked at Jack but he was looking on with grim determination. 

“By your hand.” The Emperor continued.

“Doctor,” The rage had seeped out of his voice, replaced by cold fear. “The range of this transmitter covers the entire Earth.”

The Emperor’s voice crackled back into life. “You would destroy Daleks and Humans together. If I am God, the creator of all things, then what does that make you, Doctor?”

“There are colonies out there. The Human Race would survive in some shape or form, but you're the only Daleks in existence. The whole Universe is in danger if I let you live. Do you see, Jack? Ianto? That’s the decision I've got to make for every living thing. Die as a human or live as a Dalek. What would you do?”

Jack glanced at Ianto, but he was still staring resolutely at the view screen. He looked back at the Doctor with a sigh. “You sent her home. She's safe. Keep working.”

“But he will exterminate you!”

“Never doubted him. Never will.” Jack flashed the Dalek Emperor such a cocky grin that Ianto might have laughed at the absurdity of it all, if he wasn’t still quietly stewing. Then the screen blinked off and Ianto and Jack were left alone once more.

“You have definitely doubted him before.” 

Jack turned his grin to Ianto and the Welshman had to resist the urge to just forgive him and kiss him right there and then. “Yeah, but he doesn’t need to know that.”

Jack’s grin dropped after a few seconds with Ianto not responding. “I still think you should’ve gone with her.”

“Well I didn’t.” 

“But you  _ should’ve _ .” Jack’s hand reached out, but he let it fall limp at his side before he touched Ianto.

“I can  _ help _ here.” Ianto took the plunge that Jack couldn’t, lacing his fingers with Jack’s. “I wasn’t about to leave you here.”

Jack’s shoulders finally sagged and he squeezed Ianto’s hand softly.

Ianto’s legs were starting to cramp from how they’d been sitting against the back wall for the past fifteen minutes. He shifted uncomfortably, rubbing some feeling back into his wrists as best he could. He’d just about to decided to stand instead when the intercom crackled back into life, and the soft sound of Lynda’s scared voice broke the room’s tense silence and launched him to his feet.

“ You were right. They're forcing the airlock on four nine four.”

Her words were followed by a violent shaking, one that sent the people who were only just getting up back to the floor on their hands and knees, guns skidding out away from them.

Jack offered an arm to stabilise Ianto, before turning to the view screen. Ianto pulled up a grainy image of Lynda in one top corner, a live feed of the Doctor in the other. The main screen was split between the schematic of the satellite, red dots symbolising the Dalek’s as they forced their way onto Floor 494, and the coding for the internal lasers for that level.

“Okay, Ianto, activate internal lasers. Slice them up.”

Ianto typed in the codes, but all he was met with was an error page and a loud angry buzz. “Give me a second…” He was halfway through typing the codes in again when Lynda spoke.

“It’s no use. Defences have gone offline. The Dalek's have overridden the lot.”

“ _ Shit _ .” Ianto swore, not so quietly, under his breath.

“ Advance guard has made it t o four nine five.” Lynda reported to them.

With that, the Doctor’s feed crackled to life. “Jack, Ianto. How’re we doing?”

“Four nine five should be good. I like four nine five.” Jack grinned at Ianto before his fingers started to flurry across the screen, bringing up lists and files and sending them away again until the screen was filled with a darkened room. Faintly, Ianto could hear the distant metallic voices of the Daleks grating through the corridors.

Jack pressed another few buttons and the shadows lit up in shades of green, clear enough that they could see the three robots angled towards the door on the far side of the room. Then, with a last garbled order from the Daleks, the room was flooded with white light, so bright that the image cut out for a few seconds as Jack adjusted the settings.

“Identify yourself!” The tinny voice sounded only marginally less terrifying from four floors away.

When the picture faded back into being, the robots were head to head with a group of Daleks, more than Ianto could count before the first had had it’s head blown off by the Alexandroid.

“You are Pointless. Goodbye.” It spoke at the smoking metal.

He and Jack watched in rapt awe as the three dispatched at least ten Daleks before any could even react enough to start their war cry of  _ exterminate _ . The killer robots stood tall and proud over their own carnage as Jack let out a loud whoop of joy from beside Ianto. 

Their optimism was quickly dashed, however, when the next battalion filed into the room, spreading themselves between the husks of their own kind. 

“You are the weakest link.” The Anne-Droid raised its arm to shoot. 

A shot of Dalek energy pierced right through its head. 

“Goodbye.” Its arm dropped, limp and useless, to its side; even if it wasn’t powerless, it was now pointed at the floor. The other two managed to get in a shot each before they too were destroyed by the firing Daleks. 

“Proceed to the next level.”

Ianto felt, more than saw, Jack drop back down from his toes. They stared in shock as the Dalek’s moved on from the room that they had truly believed would be their saving grace. A dozen daleks killed, at most, out of the hundreds of the thousands– the millions that were going to attack them. They had been foolish, they had been cocky and egotistical and self righteous to think that this oh so noble cause they were attempted was anything more than a glorified suicide mission. The only thing that would come of this, Ianto thought, was the death of every man woman and child on this satellite. But most importantly:

The once and final death of one Captain Jack Harkness.

Neither of them had moved when Lynda next spoke. Jack had turned off the live feed from Floor 495 so that they were no longer staring at the Daleks streaming through the room, just at impersonal red dots. If Ianto concentrated hard enough, he could imagine that he was just watching a game of Pac Man. 

“They're flying up the lift shafts. No, wait a minute. Oh, my God. Why're they doing that? They're going down. Oh god.” She let out a choked sob, then fell silent. Ianto and Jack waited with bated breath, watching the small red dots make their way down the empty elevator shaft until they reached the base of the satellite. “Floor Zero. They’re killing them all.”

The sounds of the screams flooded through the speakers in the room until Jack couldn’t stomach it anymore and flipped the sound off. Even with the feed muted, the buzz of the Dalek’s shots and the screeches of the people being exterminated filtered up through the air vents and drifted into their ears. There was no escaping it. 

Ianto felt ill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please if there are grammar errors, let us know because we are two ciders in and haven't eaten yet this morning. Yes it is 1:30, and we have been drinking since before noon. I understand, this is a very serious chapter, so apologies for that. Hope you enjoyed it, nonetheless.  
> The last, LAST, chapter ever!!! (we lie, there are more books, coming after these) is out on Sunday: The Ouroboros Eats Its Tail   
> Find us on Tumblr!!! @garknessandbones AND @thirteeninafez


	44. The Ouroboros Eats Its Tail

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative Title: Ianto Doesn't Like Us (The Writers) Very Much

“What was it that you were going to tell me?” 

“I _told_ you your safety was on.”

“No, not that. Back on the Plass in Cardiff, before everything went to shit, you were going to tell me something. It sounded important.”

Ianto looked at Jack, eyebrow raised as if to say ‘really? You want to do this now?’

“Not like we’re gonna get another chance.”

Ianto inhaled shakily and over his breathing he could hear screams being cut off by the firing sounds of the Daleks. “I wanted to tell you... I know you. You’re the boyfriend back in 2008. Well, not _quite_ boyfriend... You're _something._ You're definitely my boss, though.”

Jack was silent. Ianto took his eyes off the corridor even though he knew he shouldn’t, even though he knew it made him vulnerable to any Dalek that rounded the corner. He watched Jack’s stoic expression as he digested the news until it morphed into a brilliant grin. “At least we know we get out of here alive.”

Ianto didn’t point out that it only proved Jack survived. He didn’t point out that time could change. He didn’t need to point it out when he could tell that Jack's grin didn’t reach his eyes. 

He didn’t want to.

Their eyes met and Ianto wasn’t sure what Jack saw there, what of Ianto’s barely hidden emotions were shining through. Jack's hand landed on the back of Ianto's neck and he closed his eyes as Jack drew him close. He didn’t want to see that pained look on Jack’s face for a moment longer; the way Jack’s smile wavered before being even more firmly painted on, a gruesome caricature of true happiness, marred by worry and enough bittersweet that it had turned sour. Their foreheads pressed together lightly. 

Ianto focused on the warmth where their bodies connected, a stark contrast to the cold metal against his trigger finger. He focused on the sound of Jack’s breath and the fingers curling into his hair, trying to drown in the sensation, trying to block the screams hundreds of floors below them. 

He wanted to peek, like a child playing hide and seek, to see if Jack too was trying to escape the world or if he was looking at Ianto. Ianto forced his expression to stay calm just in case, clamping down on the slight tremor in his jaw. 

The noises were getting louder. If it hadn’t had meant taking his hands off Jack’s biceps, he would’ve clamped them over his ears, to sink into a noiseless, sightless pit, surrounded by the warmth that Jack radiated, filling his lungs with the smell of him, feeling the calluses stroking at the short hairs on the back of his neck forever. He couldn’t say there, not with the sounds of a slaughter filtering up the air vent from the very bottom floor of the satellite, muted but heart breaking. 

He pulled away first and Jack's hand slipped from his neck, over his shoulder and down his chest until even gravity could no longer be an excuse for the contact and Jack's hand dropped limply to his side. As soon as Ianto opened his eyes, the world came rushing back in. 

But there was something in Jack's expression, something like hope. 

Ianto couldn’t bring himself to feel anything other than resigned. He knew what he had to do.

They stood from their half-hidden crouches as the first eye stalk came into view down the corridor. Quickly, silently, they retreated around the corner, not yet spotted, and ran to the makeshift barricade at the end of that stretch of corridor. It was the last defense before the lift leading to Floor 500.

Ianto slipped through a break in the hodge podge of metal and wood that they had hammered together into some sort of wall. Behind it, the small handful of volunteers gathered, crouching together; their guns looking foreign and out of place in untrained hands. Only one of them was a guard, one of the group that had arrested them earlier. The others had all fled, or gotten trapped on Floor 1 with the other remaining population of Satellite Five. They looked at the two time travellers with a level of trust in their eyes that Ianto felt out of depth with. These were just people: people relying on him and Jack to keep them safe.

Ianto didn’t know if he could do this.

The air got stuck in his lungs as he remembered the first time he’d encountered a Dalek, trapped between it and the metal monstrosities that were the Cybermen. He’d had to pick between a rock and a hard place, and he’d picked the Cybermen. And even though that had been the decision that had led Lisa to her conversion, he didn’t think that, if he had to do it again, he would be able to run straight at a Dalek and pray for survival. 

Then Jack’s hand was on his shoulder and his voice was in his ears and finally the air was back to flowing in and out of his lungs.  “Floor 499, we're the last defence. The bullets should work if you concentrate them on the Daleks' eyestalks.”

Ianto straightened his shoulders and tried to look confident. “I've got the forcefield at maximum so Dalek fire power should be at its weakest.” Then he watched the man from earlier, Pavale, turned the woman only a few feet from him.

Pavale's face was one filled with regret from waiting too long to say what he needed to. Ianto knew that expression well. “I'm only here because of you. I joined the Programme because you were on it.”

The woman turned with a joking look of disapproval that was so similar, it hit Ianto like a freight train to the stomach. “Am I supposed to say, when this is all over and if we're still alive, maybe we could go for a drink?”

“That'd be nice.”

“Yeah, well, tough.”

Ianto turned away, unwilling to watch their banter any longer when he could see their fates painted so clearly in front of them. His fate, at least, Ianto knew was written in stone. (He didn’t like what had been written, but he wasn’t one to argue with the hand dealt to him). 

Jack was staring at him and Ianto tried to offer a small smile in some way of comfort. Jack didn’t smile back, or if he tried it was so weak that Ianto only saw the smallest quirk of his lips. Jack opened his mouth, but the words died on his lips as he met Ianto’s eyes. 

“At least we managed to have our dinner date.” The joke felt bitter on Ianto's tongue; just exaggerating how it had been too little, too late, for it to be anything near what they deserved. 

Jack smiled ruefully. “I’ll pay next time.” 

Ianto ducked his head, choosing to fiddle with his gun, to check the safety and the full clip, instead of catching Jack’s eyes. Then Jack’s hand landed with a heavy warmth on his shoulder, startling Ianto into looking up and meeting his gaze. Jack’s eyes shone with something Ianto had never seen before, something that seemed a whole lot like fear. 

Ianto tucked his gun back into his shoulder holster before covering Jack’s hand with his own. “I’ll hold you to that.” The false promise made his stomach churn, but the light it brought to Jack’s face made it all worth it. His face morphed back to the one Ianto was used too, a mask of confidence and optimism. 

Ianto couldn’t take it anymore.

He grabbed Jack’s wrist, tugging him over to the back wall until they were hidden in the semi-privacy of the open lift. He didn’t even let go once they were in there, standing only inches apart, close enough that Ianto could feel Jack’s breath on his lips.

His hand went up instinctively to smooth the confused frown from Jack’s brows and for once he didn’t stop or hesitate, selfishly obeying the memories embedded in his muscles. 

“Ianto, what–”

“You have to survive.” Ianto cut him off, hand still against his face.

“So do you.”

Ianto shook his head. “I have to make sure you do. So that you can go and save me.” 

Jack opened his mouth to protest but Ianto cut him off, pushing him back against the wall as he kissed him. 

This time, unlike the last, he didn’t hold anything back. It was messy and a little too forceful, all clashing tongues and teeth, but Jack responded with enthusiasm; his rough hand came up to hold Ianto in place by the back of his neck, the other arm tight around his waist. Ianto could feel the oft-used nudge that indicated Jack wanted to spin them around, take control, but Ianto didn’t let him, keeping him pressed against the cold metal.

It wasn’t until his lungs started to burn that Ianto finally pulled away, sparing a few seconds to take in Jack’s slightly dazed look and panting chest. His mouth was still half open and he was leaning back on the handrail behind him. Ianto couldn’t bring to tear himself away until he saw Jack’s eyes start to focus and his breathing even out, a tell tale sign that his brain was booting back up. Ianto pulled back, elbowing the button for Floor 500 as he kicked out the piece of metal that had been keeping the doors open and the lift jammed on that level. 

Once the classic ding of the lift sounded and the doors started to close, Ianto stepped back, ignoring the way Jack instinctively reached to keep him there.

“I’m sorry Jack. I have to.” With that he stepped out of the lift.

“Ianto, wai–” But the doors were already shut; the lift was going up. Going up to the eye of the storm, where Jack would be safe from the Daleks and the Delta Wave for as long as possible. Maybe the Doctor would even work out a way to send Jack away like he did Rose. In any case, Jack was safer up there than he was down here.

(The metal was too thick to hear the way Jack was hammering on the doors from the inside, cursing Ianto Jones to the end of the universe and back for being such a self sacrificing idiot.)

Ianto returned to the group only to be met by the confused looks from the volunteers. It was the woman from Floor 500 that spoke first. “So he preaches about fighting and defending the world and then just gets up and runs away?”

Ianto turned to her with his best withering stare. “Our only chance here is the Delta Wave, so please, if you know how to make one from scraps of wire and blu-tack, feel free to join him.” His biting remark had her and the other volunteers slinking back to their positions behind the balustrade. Only Tazene remained by his side. 

“If my wife was here, I would’ve done the same.”

Ianto started to protest quickly. “No, it’s not like tha–“

She cut him off. “I think it is, even if you don’t know it.” She cut him off again when Ianto started to argue. “I’m fighting to protect my family. You are simply doing the same.”

The smile she gave him was so understanding that he nearly cried when she was the first to die in the Dalek attack.

Just as Ianto started to doubt his decision to send Jack away, his beliefs were confirmed by a bolt of blue electricity from the approaching Daleks. It ripped straight through their shoddy barricade, and straight into Tazene’s chest.

They all stared in shock as her skeleton glowed green through her skin. Her back stayed ramrod straight for a few minutes as the electricity pulsed through her, her arms and legs convulsing. Then she fell to the floor like a marionette with its strings cut.

Once Ianto could find it in himself to stop looking at her broken body, he pulled the machine gun from his shoulder, waiting for the order to come to fire. But no order would come for him. He was the highest in command now and everyone around him had their eyes locked on him as they waited for him to tell them what to do. So he took a deep breath and ordered.

“Open fire!”

Everyone moved to their positions, the barrels of their guns positioned in the slits in the bulkhead. Thousands of years later and still arrow slits were the best way humanity could come up with in order to deal with a siege. Why fix it if it isn't broken, Ianto supposed.

The bullets bounced harmlessly off the forcefield surrounding each Dalek. This was never going to work.

“It's not working!” Pavale shouted at him like it was his own personal fault that the Daleks were made to be ruthless killing machines. Ianto bit back a groan before shouting out more advice to them all.

“Concentrate your fire! Eyestalk, two o'clock!”

He was grateful to see that everyone took his orders with no complaints or questions. The loud cracks of rapid fire bullets without any protection from his normal comms unit was giving him a headache. Finally, after minutes of firing fruitlessly at their enemy, they made progress.

The Dalek closest to the barricade jolted back, firing randomly as it’s head piece spun. “My vision is impaired! I cannot see!”

Ianto felt relief race through his veins as he realised his plan was working, but it was quickly chased away by ice cold fear when he saw the woman that Pavale was so infatuated with whoop for joy and stand up. “We did it!”

The bolt took her out before she could even react.

“No!” Pavale screamed as he watched her body fall back. “No!”

Ianto realised what Pavale was going to do only moments before he did it. “Get down!” He shouted, throat already sore from barking orders despite the battle only having lasted, at most, five minutes. It was too late. Even as Pavale started to fire over the top of the barricade, a bolt of energy was moving towards him and before Ianto had finished speaking, his body slumped, bleeding where the sharp edges of the metal cut through his stomach. 

Ianto was the last one left. 

The Daleks were getting closer. The eyestalk of the one leading the way rounded the edge of the barricade and Ianto scrambled back. He grabbed a machine gun from the dead body of the guard, firing it without even removing the strap from the corpse's neck. It clicked empty. The only gun he had left was the half empty Torchwood standard issue handgun. He’d faced down death itself with just that before. (He pushed back the thoughts saying that  _ actually _ Owen had, and  _ actually _ he’d had the entire team– the brilliant, brilliant, Torchwood team– helping him, and  _ actually _ he hadn’t been this alone since he moved to London with no money and no prospects.) 

Then the Doctor’s voice came into his head, giving him just one instruction, the only order he ever gave to his friends. _“Run!”_

And run Ianto did.

He sucked the blood from his bitten lip, cheeks chewed raw until his entire mouth was filled with the metallic tang. It tasted like being tased, like the air after a lightning storm, like the bolt of energy Lisa had shot straight at him. If he opened his mouth he imagined it would pool at the corners of his lips. Maybe when he died it would trickle down to his chin like the martyrs in so many of the movies he’d seen. 

He was glad Jack was gone. He didn’t want their final kiss to be one of blood and salt. 

Although it wouldn’t be their last kiss, he realised. Jack would go on, like Jack always must do. He would live and live and live and he would forget about Ianto, all the way until that day, when Ianto would turn up with a cup of coffee and a pterodactyl. When was their real last kiss? For Ianto, it was so recent that he could still taste Jack on his lips, behind that coppery tang. For Jack, it was hundreds of years in the future and thousands of years in the past. It was an inescapable loop with no happy ending for either of them.

The electronic voice was getting closer, just a corridor over now. Ianto screwed his eyes shut as tight as he could, willing his tears back. When he opened his eyes, his vision was blurry– but not so much that he couldn’t see the blue light emanating from it’s eyestalk. He’d had this nightmare so many times that it was hard to believe he wouldn’t wake up in a few seconds. 

He found himself hoping this was all a sick twisted dream brought on by having a cheese toastie before bed. Just like every other time, he would die, then wake up in Jack's bunker, crammed against the wall and suffocated in all the blankets that had been kicked onto him. The burning of the shot would just be the sweltering heat of Jack's body seeping into him. 

His leg throbbed from where he’d backed into the corner of a barricade. This wasn’t a dream. 

“ _Ex-term-in-ate._ ” The Dalek drew out the word like it was mocking him. 

He fired, once, twice, thrice, at the eyestalk. The third hit a bullseye, piercing right in the middle of the garish blue. 

It bounced off. 

Ianto felt the bile rising in his throat as the Dalek kept coming. He fired again but his gun merely clicked empty. It was over. 

He tucked the gun back into his shoulder holster where it belonged as he backed away. Maybe he could run for it, sprint up to Floor 500; maybe then he wouldn’t die alone. He’d barely taken half a dozen steps before his back collided with cold concrete. There goes that plan. 

The Dalek kept approaching until it was within touching distance. If it were human, he would have fought hand and fist. A voice in Ianto’s head that sounded suspiciously like Jack piped up that hand to hand combat probably wasn’t the way to go. 

Ianto Jones had never been a religious man, but he had been a religious boy. Every morning he was dropped off at the closest Church in Wales primary school, and was roused early on Sunday mornings for the service. By the time he was nine, their family had stopped, his mother too sick of the whispers that spread when she showed up husbandless to embrace God any longer (it had always been more for appearances sake anyways). 

Ianto had been left with a rather childish interpretation of religion, not quite believing in an all-powerful man with a white beard, but not completely lacking in faith (maybe a small flicker of hope, this this was all for something, kept it alive. Fear that there was a force capable of orchestrating the horrors he’d seen quelled any ember’s chance of turning into a flame, but didn’t extinguish it). He could still remember being five and having his first ever existential crisis; he thought that the world was Jesus’ dollhouse, and that he was just a doll being played with, having no mind of his own.

He had never been a religious man, but he’d prayed for Lisa. He had sat at the side of her bed with his head bowed for so long he doubted he would’ve ever been able to lift it again, and he prayed for her. He thought that he’d lost the few scraps of his faith the day that she tried to kill him and destroy all that he had done for her. 

But then he had fallen into Jack’s arms and even though some days he had resented it, Jack had saved him; Ianto couldn’t help but feel like he had been a gift from God. Just like that, the small ember was back.

Ianto looked into the unseeing eye only inches from his face and he felt that ember sizzle and die in the face of the cold blue gaze. No god, no matter how twisted and bitter, could have let this thing come into being. Even a god who lived and breathed hatred wouldn’t be able to warp a being into this monstrosity. This was hatred with all love removed, those two emotions so intrinsically linked and yet the Dalek’s had ripped themselves free, living in a hidden dip of the uncanny valley where nothing could breed, only fester. Nothing but the cruel, unsentient, careless curiosity of nature could form this and give it a voice in this world.

“ _Exterminate_.”

But nature had given Ianto a voice too and he would use it, even if it was the last thing he’d ever do.

“Do your worst, you oversized _fucking_ pepper po-“ 

The pain was excruciating. He felt it lancing through his abdomen, spiralling out across his body through synapses and veins. His entire body was on fire. That fire was the only thing keeping the darkness at bay. 

The same darkness that Jack and Suzie and Owen and every victim of the gloves had spoken about when they came back. It terrified Ianto more than the Daleks, more than Jack forgetting him, more than fear itself (and he should know, he had been possessed by the closest embodiment of it that existed). 

He knew, he’d always known since joining Torchwood, that he’d die before he was thirty, and not prettily. He’d escaped it many a time before after all, at Canary Wharf, at the Powell Estate, every damn day at Torchwood Three. 

Even so, he had hoped, a childish hope he had only allowed himself to acknowledge in the dead of night when everything was still and quiet, that he could be the exception, that he would get to grow old, die of a heart attack or disease (and not an alien one). 

But he was prepared– ready– to die like this. Protecting his friends, protecting the universe, protecting Jack in a way he never could before. And he was prepared to do it as all Torchwood employees did, unnamed and unknown, not for glory or legacy or martyrdom. Even so, the people who really mattered, the Doctor and Rose and Jack, knew his sacrifice. That was enough for him; they knew he’d died to save the human race. 

He tried to be proud in those final moments. 

He tried to die stoic and strong like the spies and superheroes he’d been raised on.

He tried to die with dignity.

He tried not to cry. 

He failed. 

He was scared. He was so scared of the darkness. All the fear and pain and injustices and the ‘ _ why, God, why’ _ s, the _ ‘why does it have to be me?’ _ s, the _ ‘was I not what you wanted me to be?’ _ s, the _ ‘did I not do the best that I could with what I was given?’ _ s ripped themselves from his throat and he used his last breath to scream. To scream so loud that it drowned out the robotic shouts of the Daleks approaching. 

So loud that floors above, Jack, blinking tears from his eyes, flipped a switch on the security monitor and muted the sound. 

So loud that both he and the Doctor could hear it still, echoing in their minds and in their hearts. 

So loud that it could be heard thousands of years ago, an echo travelling back until it filled a girl with glowing gold eyes with such sadness and rage that it guided her and her ship back to her best friend.

Ianto Jones’ life didn’t pass before his eyes, just one image. A single face. Blue eyes twinkling at him from the darkness, beckoning him closer. So achingly fond that he wanted to rip one last broken sob from his dead body. 

Fuck. 

He missed Jack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly can't believe this book is over, I can't think of anything to write here. Thank you all so so so much for your kudos and comments; all the people who comment religiously, the people who have only commented once, the people who read it silently, all of you have made Remi and I's days and our pandemic so much more enjoyable.  
> We've pretty much hit 10,000 hits and we've got over 100 bookmarks which is honestly wild to us! We never thought people would enjoy this crazy AU we concocted one day as much as you all did!
> 
> This isn't the end of the Time Tracks universe! We will be back at Christmas with the next book, Scratch Track (kudos if y'all can guess what episode it's based around) and we are currently working on the third book that comes after that!   
> For updates, crack, and more of our fics and art please follow us on tumblr @garknessandbones and @thirteeninafez and subscribe to this series on Ao3 so you know when the next book is out! :D

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Dance Dance Everybody!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26611546) by [hotchocolatedictator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotchocolatedictator/pseuds/hotchocolatedictator)
  * [The Criminal Record of Ianto Jones](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27364396) by [hotchocolatedictator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hotchocolatedictator/pseuds/hotchocolatedictator)




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